Second miscarriage

Boots234

Hi, my wife became pregnant last Summer with our first child and when we went for the 12 week scan in September we got a major shock to discover that she had suffered a miscarriage as the foetus had never developed. She hadn't had any sickness or any symptoms up to that point but as this was our first time we just presumed that everything would be ok as miscarriages only happened to 'other people'. We were devastated and she didn't want to say anything to our parents but I felt it would be better for us to say it and not to hide anything.

We tried again after a couple of months and my wife has fallen pregnant once more. She went to the doctor to try and book us in for an early scan which we have at the start of January however she said this evening that it could be a waste of time as she has absolutely no symptoms like the first pregnancy. It broke my heart when she said it. I know that she is constantly worried about it but the worrying hasn't stopped us from conceiving so we don't know what the problem is. She is afraid that the fact that she is a coeliac is affecting the pregnancy but I can't agree or disagree with her on this to ease her mind.

She doesn't want to say anything to our parents if it turns out to be a miscarriage and I am beginning to agree with her so that is the reason that I am writing this here. She is turning 31 next year and although that is still relatively young I know that she feels that we will be back to square one and time will be passing away quickly.

I suppose what I looking to find out is what I could do to ease her mind or is it possible to have gone 5-6 weeks in a pregnancy without showing any symptoms? Of course everything might turn out to be ok but everything is the same as the first pregnancy so we really aren't too confident. The talk of children seems to be everywhere at the moment with Christmas which isn't exactly helping us!

Diamond Doll

There is a TTC (Trying To Conceive) forum on Boards - it might be a good place to see if there's any supplements etc she could be taking to improve her chances.

Bear in mind that 1 in 4 pregnancies sadly end in miscarriage - you have both been unlucky, and my thoughts and sympathies are with you, but there's no reason to think that the next pregnancy won't be successful - and hopefully it will!

Diamond Doll

Oh I'm so sorry, I totally misread your post! I thought you'd already had a second miscarriage!

Of course it's possible to have no pregnancy symptoms, especially in the first trimester! No reason to believe everything isn't going well for now.

olaola

Well, if it's of any help, I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I found out the last time. No hint of a symptom! And I had a perfect wee man 32 weeks later.
Best of luck with the pregnancy, stay positive!

irishgirl19

Im so sorry that happened to you and your partner op.
For what its worth. My pregnancy was completely symptomless. I got sick only twice during the whole pregnancy but I put down that to me having a migraine ( I normally feel sick with these anyway)
So I definitely wouldn't say its a waste of time.
You can get an early pregnancy scans in alot of places from 7/8 weeks. They cost average 100 and would put your mind at ease.
I have heard before that the hospitals don't investigate miscarriage unless it happens 3 times because it is so common. That could be wrong though.
Don't give up hope. Try enjoy the Christmas. Hope everything goes smoothly with this pregnancy

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
It is possible to be pregnant without any symptoms - happened to us.
We had fertility treatment back in January and I pretty much immediately had signs - nausea, bloating, implantation bleed. Positive pregnancy test two weeks after egg transfer.
Unfortunately lost that little one at 7 weeks, which was devastating.

Had a second round of treatment in the summer, and as you can imagine, was hyperaware of any signs or symptoms. I felt nothing and we had convinced ourselves that it hadn't worked. Don't know why but did a test anyway, and both of us nearly collapsed with shock that it was positive. It took another 3 tests and a blood test before we even could consider that it might be true.
Due to the fertility treatments, we were given a scan at 7 weeks I think it is was- at that stage the egg and sac were visible, which reassured us no end.
Symptoms such as morning sickness, nausea and bloating only kicked in at week 10 this time- every pregnancy is different.
Try and see if you can get an early scan somewhere, hopefully it will reassure both of you. Take care of yourselves as well- we had told family we were pregnant as soon as we did the test the first time, but were much more cautious the second time, waited until 12 weeks before we said anything. I think it was a self preservation move, do what feels right for you.
Best of luck to you both!

An Bhanríon

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of this year and am now at the end of my second pregnancy of 2015 - hoping to give birth to a healthy baby in January. The timing of my pregnancies sounds very similar to yours. The only difference is that I felt quite different the second time. HOWEVER (please read on!), from what I have read about pregnancy (and I did read a lot after the miscarriage to try and get myself sane again) and from what I have heard from others, the beginning of a pregnancy can often have no symptoms at all. Everything is very possibly fine and you have nothing to worry about.

I don't think there is any one thing that you can say to your wife that will ease her mind straight away. I was very worried until the first scan on my second pregnancy. I tried really hard to pull myself together and, most of the time, failed miserably. And I was a bit on edge too all the way up to the 20 week scan. After that I finally started to chill a bit more. The main thing you can both do is accept that mother nature brings pregnancy but also brings miscarriages. Apart from taking care of yourself in general, and unless there is a particular cause for miscarriage, there is little you can do to 'make sure it works this time'. I would say, though, that taking a supplement, or doing something different to the way you did things for the first pregnancy can be a help to try and get you through the weeks up to the scan. I gave up coffee and although it possibly made no difference at all for my chances to stay pregnant it made me feel a little bit more in control of things - if that makes any sense!

Give each other lots of hugs. Do nice things together. Try to be good to each other. Chat about your feelings. That's what will get you through this uncertain time. It is a really difficult time, and from my experience anyway, I don't think there is anything you can do to totally escape those nasty feelings of uncertainty and being out of control. It is the nature of pregnancy, especially the beginning of pregnancy. And nobody talks about it. Once you start mentioning miscarriages to people, though, and early pregnancy in general, you will find out that loads and loads of family and friends have gone through the same thing. I found this a great help as I tried to drag myself through the weeks before the first scan. To know that I wasn't alone.

Best of luck with this one. Remember, there is no reason whatsoever that this pregnancy shouldn't be a viable one. None at all. Keep saying that to yourselves and you will get through the next few weeks.

marco_polo

Might be worth paying for a private scan for some piece of mind, although to me your doctor has displayed a lack of compassion as when it happened to us we were accomodated with an early scan the next time even as public patients at about 10 weeks.

We had a healthy baby girl a few weeks ago after a quite advanced miscarraige in 2014 (20+ weeks), but to be honest no matter how many "good news" scans we had during the second one I was still sick with worry almost the whole way through even though everything went about as we as it is possibly could. Not sure any one scan will be quite as reassuring as you would hope it will be, but just stay positive, support each other and just take each milestone as it comes and hopefully you both will have a very happy 2016.

Kathy22

I had little to no symptoms of pregnancy in the early stages (4-5 weeks). The only thing I noticed around the 5 week mark was sore breasts and I was very tired. This and my late period made me take a test. I actually went to the doctor around 4 weeks (not my usual one regrettably) as I felt so exhausted and had a sore ear. She diagnosed an ear infection and said get some rest. All of this was in the 5-6 week mark so I would say keep a positive attitude and everything could work out perfectly fine.

spottybananas

Book a private scan, they can be done from 6-8 weeks. We found out I was pregnant when I was a few hours late for my period so the 12 week scan booked in for 15 weeks gestation was too far away for my anxious self to wait. We had a private scan at 7 weeks as I wanted to confirm if there was indeed a heartbeat rather than worry so much for over 2 months. My only symptoms until 10 weeks were period like cramps on and off.

Toots

Another vote for a private scan here, they often call them reassurance scans. If you ring up and explain the situation and how worried ye are they might be able to get you a cancellation so you're seen sooner.

When I was pregnant I knew straight away, I just felt different and at about 5 weeks I got morning sickness. However my friend was also pregnant at the same time and was 11 weeks before she found out - no symptoms other than a missed/late period, took a pregnancy so I'd stop harping on at her to do it and it was positive! She had to go in for a dating scan and nearly fainted when they told her she was nearly through the first trimester already!

Boots234

Thanks for all of yere advice. We got a letter on Tuesday saying that we had a scan for the 2nd of February but we were really anxious to get an early scan, as has been mentioned by previous posters, so my wife was able to get a booking for January 7th. All that we can do at the moment is just try not to think about it until then, easier said than done!

Little Miss Cutie

Boots234 wrote: »

Thanks for all of yere advice. We got a letter on Tuesday saying that we had a scan for the 2nd of February but we were really anxious to get an early scan, as has been mentioned by previous posters, so my wife was able to get a booking for January 7th. All that we can do at the moment is just try not to think about it until then, easier said than done!

Thinking of you and your wife.
Booking an early scan was a great idea. Fingers and toes crossed for you.

rainbow kirby

olaola wrote: »

Well, if it's of any help, I was about 8 weeks pregnant when I found out the last time.

Very similar here - found out at 7+2 as it turned out. Any symptoms were very light early on and I've had a very easy time of it so far (will be 28 weeks this weekend).

borderlinemeath

I was 4 weeks pregnant this time last year and I had no clue! Didn't realise until I was 10 weeks pregnant and booked a private scan as I was 41 at the time. Currently have a healthy 4 month old baby girl on my lap as I type so try not to worry. Some people have symptoms, others don't.

Whereabouts in the country are you so people might be able to recommend a clinic for a private scan? I got the panorama test as well as a scan for our own peace of mind. We went to the Irish Fetal Maternal Foundation in the Beacon in Dublin.

http://www.imff.ie/contact.cfm

Boots234

borderlinemeath wrote: »

I was 4 weeks pregnant this time last year and I had no clue! Didn't realise until I was 10 weeks pregnant and booked a private scan as I was 41 at the time. Currently have a healthy 4 month old baby girl on my lap as I type so try not to worry. Some people have symptoms, others don't.

Whereabouts in the country are you so people might be able to recommend a clinic for a private scan? I got the panorama test as well as a scan for our own peace of mind. We went to the Irish Fetal Maternal Foundation in the Beacon in Dublin.

http://www.imff.ie/contact.cfm

We are in Cork and have an appointment for the maternity part of CUH

LegacyUser

OP I'm pregnant with my second child, 28 weeks.
I didn't know I was pregnant until 6 weeks.And I am someone who knew before I took the test last time.But I was away on holidays this year during the 3-6 week mark and any vague symptoms I had, I put down to being away in a different country etc.I initially had an inkling that I might have been, then I wrote it off, because I told myself I had no symptoms....sore breasts, nausea etc.In reality they didn't actually come til about 8 weeks or so. I had forgotten, convinced myself they came much earlier last time.
Secondly OP, if you have miscarried once many hospitals will call you for an early scan second time round.I have had early scans on both mine,due to bleeding.But be aware, they can only tell you so much.So I had a scan at about 5-6 weeks....they could tell me a sac was there in the right area (ie not ectopic) and that was it.I had to come back at 7 weeks, when they told me there was a heartbeat (and even that isn't guaranteed you'll see it that early), then again at 10 weeks.Now I am in the Rotunda in Dublin and this is done through the early pregnancy unit, but I'd imagine that a hospital the size of Cork should have a similar unit???
Has your wife told them about the miscarriage, because I have friends who have had them and on the second try, have got early scans as routine.
I have a very good friend who miscarried first time ( with no symptoms) and who now has a healthy 10 month old boy.She had no symptoms on her second pregnancy either.She (and I) were the same age as your wife on our first babies.Don't give up hope yet, it's very early days.But be aware that a scan can't tell you everything at this stage either, it is a waiting game.I was sick with worry too through the first after the early bleed, and I'm very nervous about this one, although I've less time for thinking with a toddler around!It never leaves you.

Best of luck to you both, and enjoy your Christmas, and I hope your scan goes well.

Sligo1

Best of luck OP. I hope everything works out. FWIW, found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. Had minor symptoms from 5 weeks (very slight nausea, sore breast etc). The one weekend at 6 weeks I kinda felt different. All symptoms vanished and I started worrying. So down to the hospital We went and they scanned me there and then. Saw the little heartbeat and all.

If you want an earlier scan than 7th January OP you could always bring your wife to the A&e over the next few days, and see will they give her a scan in the fetal assessment unit. I'm not sure how accommodating Cork uni hospital is? But I found Holles street very accommodating and reassuring if we ever thought anything was the matter. Perhaps worth a try...

wuffly

Sorry to hear that your wife is stressed and downbeat about things.
I found the early stages of this pregnancy (my 3rd) nerve wracking. I'm lucky to a certain degree where I am the whole system is private so I was sent for a scan very early on (4week). If you can get one do, it will certainly help to a certain degree. I'll be honest it helped me a bit but it wasn't until the 12 week scan that I began to relax a bit. I've been sick and had all sorts of pregnancy related issues and it hasn't stopped me worrying. I just can't help worrying about it.
Just do your best to be there for her, we kept the pregnancy talk to a minimum until the 12 week scan, which i found hard as it felt a bit like we were missing out a bit on the excitement of it but i think it helped to keep us in check. You know her best just try to make sure she doesn't feel alone or like she's done something wrong.. I felt much like it must be me when we miscarried. Wishing you the best..

Flippyfloppy

I too had a missed miscarriage on my first pregnancy. We had an early scan which showed all was good. I had had symptoms from 6 weeks which stopped abruptly around 9 weeks. My (ex) GP thought nothing of it and told me I would have had a bleed etc. Anyway I spent the next few weeks feeling symptomless & pretty good & confident until we found out at our first hospital scan at 13 weeks that baby hadn't made it past 9 weeks. We were absolutely devastated to put it mildly.

We were pregnant again a few months later and all I can say was I was anxious as hell. I had strong symptoms from 6 weeks or so, then they'd go, then they'd come back. I even had a huge unexplained bleed around 8 weeks and more at 16 weeks. Contractions around 24 weeks, steroids for babies lungs. Gave birth to the most beautiful healthy bouncing baby ten days over. I now joke that they were the most scanned baby in Ireland.

So it seemed the symptoms weren't too reliable after all. For my third pregnancy symptoms came on so so strong at 6 weeks, killed me for a week and seemed like they disappeared. And that pregnancy went well as well. I'm now pregnant again and have been up and down again with symptoms.

I really hope things go well for you on this pregnancy and that you and your partner get the news you would love to hear soon. As far as I know babyscan have a clinic in cork. Waiting until you're 7/8 weeks is probably best anyway. On this pregnancy they couldn't pick anything up at 6 weeks and I had to return at 8 weeks for a follow up!

Lucuma

While you're waiting for the scan your wife could use a Clearblue digital pregnancy test. They go up from ''1-2 weeks'' to ''2-3 weeks'' to ''3+ weeks'' and then they don't go up any further. I did one a week for the first few weeks as the reassurance of seeing it go up from 1-2, to 2-3 to 3+ meant I knew the pregnancy hormone was increasing.

At her stage now it should say ''3+ weeks'' it won't say any higher but it might give some reassurance at least.

Boots234

Lucuma wrote: »

While you're waiting for the scan your wife could use a Clearblue digital pregnancy test. They go up from ''1-2 weeks'' to ''2-3 weeks'' to ''3+ weeks'' and then they don't go up any further. I did one a week for the first few weeks as the reassurance of seeing it go up from 1-2, to 2-3 to 3+ meant I knew the pregnancy hormone was increasing.

At her stage now it should say ''3+ weeks'' it won't say any higher but it might give some reassurance at least.

Thanks Lucuma. We have the scan tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. At the moment we aren't talking about it even though both of us are always thinking of it. I just won't know what to say to my wife if it turns out to be bad news again

Lucuma

Boots234 wrote: »

Thanks Lucuma. We have the scan tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. At the moment we aren't talking about it even though both of us are always thinking of it. I just won't know what to say to my wife if it turns out to be bad news again

The very best of luck

Boots234

Just following up on this, we had the scan this morning and everything is as it should be at this stage thankfully. I think that the nurse expected us to be a bit happier than we were but we know that there is a long way to go and don't want to get our hopes up too much. Still though my wife was beaming leaving the hospital which was fantastic to see. Our next scan is at the beginning of February. I presume that there is nothing that we can do in the meantime only wait until the next appointment?

Lucuma

Boots234 wrote: »

Just following up on this, we had the scan this morning and everything is as it should be at this stage thankfully. I think that the nurse expected us to be a bit happier than we were but we know that there is a long way to go and don't want to get our hopes up too much. Still though my wife was beaming leaving the hospital which was fantastic to see. Our next scan is at the beginning of February. I presume that there is nothing that we can do in the meantime only wait until the next appointment?

Great news. The wait from scan to scan is agonising in the early days. I can imagine it's even worse when you suffered a miscarriage in the past. The only thing I can suggest I did already with the clearblue tests that they keep saying 3+ weeks, but other than that I can't think of anything. You can of course go to babyscan in Ballincollig and pay for a scan (100 euro) yourself between now and the beginning of February.

spottybananas

Early February is quite soon anyway for the next scan, not too long to wait. Other than private scan and ones when they were concerned about the baby at the end because I was sick I was just getting 12, 30 and 36 week scans. She should take up pregnancy yoga or similar and try to enjoy this time if she's feeling well.

Neyite

Boots234 wrote: »

Just following up on this, we had the scan this morning and everything is as it should be at this stage thankfully. I think that the nurse expected us to be a bit happier than we were but we know that there is a long way to go and don't want to get our hopes up too much. Still though my wife was beaming leaving the hospital which was fantastic to see. Our next scan is at the beginning of February. I presume that there is nothing that we can do in the meantime only wait until the next appointment?

How many weeks along is she now? You could book a private scan in two weeks to break up the time to the next appointment, or if she is more than 10 weeks, you might be able to find a heartbeat with a good doppler. A word of warning though, its tricky to find the heartbeat with one until at least the second trimester, so you could panic unduly if you couldn't find a heartbeat but need to remember that you might be missing it and all could be fine deep inside.

I had zero typical symptoms of pregnancy on any of my pregnancies. I used to briefly envy women who had nausea because I felt that they had a sign at least that all was ok.

Boots234

Neyite wrote: »

How many weeks along is she now? You could book a private scan in two weeks to break up the time to the next appointment, or if she is more than 10 weeks, you might be able to find a heartbeat with a good doppler. A word of warning though, its tricky to find the heartbeat with one until at least the second trimester, so you could panic unduly if you couldn't find a heartbeat but need to remember that you might be missing it and all could be fine deep inside.

I had zero typical symptoms of pregnancy on any of my pregnancies. I used to briefly envy women who had nausea because I felt that they had a sign at least that all was ok.

My wife is the same regarding the nausea as she hasn't had symptoms yet, that is why we were so nervous about today's scan. The nurse said that she is at almost 8 weeks now and she was able to see the heartbeat on the screen, is that normal for this stage?

Kathy22

Firstly OP huge congrats and delighted to hear that your scan went well. I was/am a very anxious first timer and the wait between scans had me on edge but the worrying will not do your wife or the baby any good. I had an early scan as I simply could not wait until the 12 week mark, although you only have 4 more weeks to wait it will be the best €100 you ever spend in order to get some reassurance. I hope all works out well for you guys

wuffly

Great news on the scan, hopefully some peace of mind. I had a scan at 4 weeks (it was just a dot) 9 weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks and 20 wks so far. We heard the heart beat at 9 weeks i thinks its pretty normal for that stage. With each scan i do get a little less worried. I've been sick and had all sorts of random symptoms, its good and bad, while being sick is no party, any day I wasn't feeling sick early on I was worried there was something wrong so it can make you just as worried.
Like lucuma say you can keep doing the tests, or book in for another private scan in two weeks so there's less of a wait. To me 100e if ye can afford it, for piece of mind is money well spent. Just try and take it easy on yourselves for the few weeks. Do some nice stuff together, all going well everything will start to change in a few weeks. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I had scans at 5/6 weeks, 8/9 weeks, 12 weeks and so on, on both.What you're saying is pretty normal...they can usually (not always) just see heartbeat and developing feotus at 8 weeks or so.
Unfortunately it is a waiting game now.You can go for more scans, but even if you do, they can't tell you much more than it's there and there's a heartbeat.And unfortunately, if something is wrong, there's very little they can do to correct it at this stage.I'm not trying to be harsh here, because genuinely have felt your fear....even still, this far along on the second, I'm waiting for it all to go wrong...but those early scans in the first pregnancy was really the first time in my life that I realised that doctors and modern medicine can't fix everything and that for some things, nature is firmly in control.The best of luck to you both and do your best to relax.

Neyite

Boots234 wrote: »

My wife is the same regarding the nausea as she hasn't had symptoms yet, that is why we were so nervous about today's scan. The nurse said that she is at almost 8 weeks now and she was able to see the heartbeat on the screen, is that normal for this stage?

Yep, heartbeat on an ultrasound from about 6/7 weeks should be easy to spot. I know women who had scans at 5 and a half weeks and saw a heartbeat, but it can be hit and miss if the embryo is well tucked away or the sonographer is inexperienced.

I never had nausea, and the only time I actually threw up during my pregnancy was in recovery after my c-section when baby was safely delivered. I know quite a few women who never got nausea at all, apparently about 20-25% of women don't get any morning sickness. My first proper 'symptom' was actually an expanding belly.

From my other short-lived pregnancies I did notice some other physical things that occurred which I now know I experience in early pregnancy, but aren't specific pregnancy symptoms - like a brief woolly-headed feeling that's a bit like you stood up too fast, not quite dizzyness. But its because I only experienced it during pregnancy that I now know its a symptom of mine. The other is thrush, caused by a hormone change in the first trimester. Again, something that can occur outside of pregnancy but on all my pregnancies, I spotted that in or around my positive pregnancy test so its another 'tell' for me.

seamus

Neyite wrote: »

A word of warning though, its tricky to find the heartbeat with one until at least the second trimester, so you could panic unduly if you couldn't find a heartbeat but need to remember that you might be missing it and all could be fine deep inside.

To a certain extent there is a curse in modern medicine of having access to too much information. I know of women who've bought dopplers and then used them religiously every day "to be sure". Of course them if they forgot to do it one day, they'd wake up at 6am the next and check it in a panic.
The same as video monitors for babies, an excess of information results in winding yourself up to worry excessively about problems that aren't there.

OP, delighted things are working out for you now. The only advice I can give you is to worry less about what "normal" should be. Every pregnancy is different. My wife MC'ed at the end of November and from the moment she started bleeding, she knew something was wrong, even though it took two weeks to resolve itself. But we've had other family members who bled the entire way through healthy pregnancies brought to term. So even if you do find out that something is "slightly outside" of the norm, that's no indication that there's any problem.

At these early stages, you (and your wife especially) will know things are actually wrong if they occur. While you may think that frequently measuring and prodding and poking will give you peace of mind, in reality since it's effectively out of your hands, more data points just gives you more stuff to worry about

For the moment you are both just passengers on a ship. So don't spend your time trying to watch out for icebergs when you can't do anything about them anyway. Instead try to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Hazelnut Button

Delighted everything went well for you today. I can completely sympathize with the fear both you and your wife are feeling. I had 2 miscarriages in the last year and I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant (furthest we've ever gotten). I'm still petrified that it could all end at any minute despite the statistics being firmly in our favour. Myself and my other half have found it very hard to get excited for fear it could be taken away again.

That mixture of fear and excitement going in for a scan is indescribable. We've both said that we don't think we've truly embraced the moment as we were so consumed with relief that baby was still there with a heartbeat. The wait between scans can be torturous too. I find I'm buzzing for a few days after and content all is well for a week or two. But slowly the fear creeps back in. We're due to go for our big scan in 2 weeks and the mixture of excitement and fear is back. I can't feel baby move yet so find it hard to believe its still in there.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is what you're both feeling is normal. I keep telling myself to be more positive and enjoy the pregnancy more. I'm getting better but I have my days were I'm an irrational lunatic. I think the fear will remain to the end but it also lessens with every milestone you pass eg. 12 weeks, 20 weeks, first movements etc...

I.really hope everything works out for you both. Wishing you the best of luck on what will hopefully be a healthy and happy 9 months.

LegacyUser

Hazelnut Button wrote: »

Delighted everything went well for you today. I can completely sympathize with the fear both you and your wife are feeling. I had 2 miscarriages in the last year and I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant (furthest we've ever gotten). I'm still petrified that it could all end at any minute despite the statistics being firmly in our favour. Myself and my other half have found it very hard to get excited for fear it could be taken away again.

That mixture of fear and excitement going in for a scan is indescribable. We've both said that we don't think we've truly embraced the moment as we were so consumed with relief that baby was still there with a heartbeat. The wait between scans can be torturous too. I find I'm buzzing for a few days after and content all is well for a week or two. But slowly the fear creeps back in. We're due to go for our big scan in 2 weeks and the mixture of excitement and fear is back. I can't feel baby move yet so find it hard to believe its still in there.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is what you're both feeling is normal. I keep telling myself to be more positive and enjoy the pregnancy more. I'm getting better but I have my days were I'm an irrational lunatic. I think the fear will remain to the end but it also lessens with every milestone you pass eg. 12 weeks, 20 weeks, first movements etc...

I.really hope everything works out for you both. Wishing you the best of luck on what will hopefully be a healthy and happy 9 months.

Honestly, first time round, I was in a fog of fear for 9 months. I bought nothing until about 36 weeks. Wouldn't even let myself pack a labour bag. Didn't decorate a bedroom, did nothing. As you say, I was content for a few days and then the paralysing terror would creep back in. I just wanted to get to 13 weeks, then 20 weeks, then 24 weeks (viable), then 30 weeks, then 36 weeks (lungs developed)......I relaxed around 39.5 weeks somewhat. But really, I was still in shock when they placed her in my arms that she was there and she was ok.

This time round the fear is still there - I just have less time to concentrate on it due to the presence of a nutty toddler

I remember meeting people from my ante-natal class for a quick trip around the maternity hospital to the A&E, delivery rooms etc, and hearing some of them asking questions about where the A&E was, and how did it work when they came in in labour, where did they go and how did they register - and I remember a little bit of me thinking "you are so unbelievably lucky that you have got through entire pregnancies with no hospital visits other than to the private clinic for your scans - that you have never known the fear of sitting in the A&E waiting room for hours to try and find out what is going on". Another girl in my class who had also had a few scares too actually quietly said that into my ear aswell.

Your fear is normal especially for someone who has experienced it going wrong before. Seamus makes excellent points in his post - and for me, I'll add that this is the first of many lessons about life and what really matters that your child will teach you

We can't tell you it will all be fine, but we certainly wish you the best

Boots234

As recommended by some posters here we have decided to go for an additional external scan before our next scheduled visit to the hospital on the 2nd of February. We have made the appointment for next Wednesday to help to put our mind at ease as it was a very long time to wait for the 4 weeks before the next hospital visit. After last week’s scan we were very happy for a couple of days but as time is passing by we are becoming worried again in anticipation for next week’s scan, it seems to be a never ending cycle.

My wife still isn’t showing any symptoms and when I asked her yesterday evening how she felt she said ‘worryingly fine’. We aren’t talking about the pregnancy at the moment and all we can do is to wait patiently for next week to come and hope that everything is still fine.

I just want to thank all of the people who have posted messages on this topic and I appreciate the fact that people have taken the time to tell me about their own experiences and to give valuable words of advice.

Little Miss Cutie

Boots234, I think if you are in a position to go for a private scan it's a great idea.

I was an absolute bags of nerves until I could feel baby moving, and that was despite having horrific morning (all day) sickness. That said most of my friends have sailed through the 1st trimester.

I hope in a few months you will sharing the great news of the safe arrival of baby

Boots234

We had our 12 week scan this morning and I am very relieved to say that everything is going ok. We were a bag of nerves for the past few days but we weren't even mentioning the subject. Our main concern was that my wife is having absolutely no symptoms but from reading other posters here that actually seems like a common enough occurrence. The relief when seeing the images on the screen from the ultrasound this morning was fantastic, it's a feeling that would be difficult to replicate

Kathy22

Delighted to hear it Boots, hopefully you guys can relax a little and enjoy the pregnancy as much as you can. Enjoy sharing the news with people you care about

irishgirl19

Fantastic news!

LegacyUser

Congrats OP, I was actually wondering about you the other day.Hang on in there, and take each week at a time.Don't worry too much about your wife's lack of symptoms, there's a lot of pregnancy left for her to get all sorts of random symptoms :-) There's no prescribed signs for anyone with this, it's absolutely out of your control.Enjoy telling friends and family, and best of luck with it all.

borderlinemeath

That's brilliant news! Now the first trimester is over it's a lot easier to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. There's nothing like seeing your baby moving on the screen, it's amazing how developed they are at this stage and how strong the heartbeat is.

Boots234

My wife had blood when she went to the bathroom this morning. She contacted the hospital and they asked about the heaviness of the bleeding and if she is in pain (she isn't) and told her to wait for a couple of hours to see if the bleeding stops. We are waiting at the moment but this is torture, I don't know what to say or do. Has anyone experience of this? There was blood in the water and when she wiped afterwards, sorry for being so graphic

Day Lewin

Crossing fingers and breathing a little prayer that its all ok. That little bleeding is common enough, but it is a worry, of course, and better if it didnt happen at all.
Really hoping very good vibes for the three of you!

Neyite

It's hard to wait, but I'm afraid that's all that you can do in this case. I'm so sorry this is happening to you both. It might be that there is a tiny bleed but because she was lying down it pooled and when she went to the loo it looked like a lot at once.

The last time I went in, the gynae who examined me said that women can bleed quite a bit and still have a healthy pregnancy. She said that all you can really do is hope for the best.

I'm so sorry you are going through this worry, and hope that everything will be ok for you both.

Boots234

We waited the couple of hours before checking again and there was only a tiny amount of blood. We rang the hospital and they didn't seem unduly worried so they have booked us in for a scan on Monday morning. It's a waiting game again, constantly waiting

Kathy22

Boots234 wrote: »

We waited the couple of hours before checking again and there was only a tiny amount of blood. We rang the hospital and they didn't seem unduly worried so they have booked us in for a scan on Monday morning. It's a waiting game again, constantly waiting

Boots I had two bleeds early into the second trimester. They happened about two weeks apart and lasted a day or two. I was freaking out but luckily both times my doctor saw me straight away when he knew how concerned I was, both times baby was fine. My doctor reckoned it was old trapped blood that can come out as things grow and move. I am 26 weeks now and haven't had a bleed since then. Apparently it is more common than you think! Are you in Dublin? It's worse for your wife to be worried so you could always present yourself at the emergency room of your maternity hospital and they won't turn you away. Try to think positive but also go get things checked today if you need to. Best of luck.

Neyite

That's promising at least that the bleeding has slowed right down.

It is a waiting game. And its so hard and you feel so helpless.

Don't let your wife start thinking that it was something she may have inadvertently caused. It's easy to find ways to feel guilty during this time but the fact is that a standard pregnancy is pretty robust and normal day to day activities and diet don't harm a pregnancy. So if she starts to think that maybe that rushing around during the week or something she ate did this, don't let her put that guilt on herself.

Flippyfloppy

I too had bleeds during my two successful pregnancies. And no bleeds in my non successful one.

It can be quite common yet is definitely unsettling. Sorry I can't have more comforting words or be of more help...I do understand how scary pregnancy can be following a miscarriage.

irishgirl19

I had bleeds too (unexplained) and all worked out? Is your wife rhesus negative op? If so she will need to get an anti d

Boots234

irishgirl19 wrote: »

I had bleeds too (unexplained) and all worked out? Is your wife rhesus negative op? If so she will need to get an anti d

My wife is rhesus positive thankfully. There hasn't been any blood since this morning which I keep telling her is good