Now Ye're Talking - to Santa Claus

Boards.ie: Niamh

Ho ho ho, merry Christmas!

Do you have any questions about the North Pole, elves, the toy-making business or whether to leave out milk and cookies or a little whiskey? Now is your chance to ask - Santa Claus has taken a short time out of his busy Christmas week schedule to answer a few questions for you.

Be nice! You don't want to end up on the naughty list at this late stage...over to you Santa.

The Hill Billy

Hiya Santa!

First off - many thanks for all the lovely pressies down the years!

What are your favourite biscuits for the children to leave out on Christmas Eve, & do you prefer a glass of milk or a drop of sherry to go with them?

Merry Christmas!

tHB

JustShon

Hollywood always shows your workshop making little wooden trains and dolls and such but I imagine that these days the majority of presents are electronics.

Does your workshop manufacture iPhones, Playstations and Laptops or is that stuff outsourced?

ibarelycare

Dear Santa,

Why would you never bring me a Mr Frosty? I asked for it 3 years in a row and I never got it

Love,

Niamh (age 30)

King George VI

Dear Santy.

Would you prefer if I left you milk and cookies or a pint of Guinness and some bourbon creams next to the fireplace?

Festive Regards,

Stephen (age 25)

Have you met the Easter Bunny and The Grim Reaper. What are those guys _really_ like? Does Jesus still throw those house parties for you all?

dudara

Hi Santa, longtime fan here. You may remember me from the local parish bazaar "Meet Santa" sessions from 1982-1988.

Anyway, what do you feed the reindeers to ensure they have enough energy to travel at hyper light speeds? And...do you ever get any "blowback" while behind them in the sleigh?

Merry Christmas!

Peregrine

Just how large is the naughty list?




And will you ever take me off it?

Fat Christy

How do you keep the weight down and the diabetes at bay? For a guy that shnacks on all the biscuits and sweets from here to China in one night, you're not half bad looking.

What's your secret, Santa?

GavRedKing

Hi Santa,

Apart from working one very hectic night of the year, how do you like to spend your ample time off?

ibarelycare

Which Christmas movie do you think gives the most accurate depiction of you?

Choc Chip

Santa,

When is the cut-off point for the naughty list? Is the sleigh packed-up by (say) Christmas Eve and can I then be naughty with impunity after the cut-off point?

Also, what happens to all the presents that are made for the kids who go onto the naughty list last minute? Are these sold off cheap on the 26th? I'm also still after a Mister Frosty if you have any spare this year....

Best regards,

ChocChip (age 33)

elaney

Hi Santa,

Hope you are well.

My five year old wants to know how you fly the sleigh?.

Hope you have a lovely christmas eve

Elaney

knucklehead6

Santa, did you always file a flight plan with NORAD? What did you do before that was there?

Peregrine

Does the IAA ever give you any trouble?

knucklehead6

I've another one, I see that your sleigh will be visible at about 5:15pm on Christmas Eve. Where will you be heading to at that time?

Diamond Doll

Hi Santa,

How old are you?

How did you and Mrs Claus meet, and do you have any children?

Omackeral

Dear Santa,

I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and thus never got to get gifts from you on the 25th. I feel really left out and sad, especially since I had no say in it. I used to pray each year that you'd leave me something and would wake up with a glimmer of hope every December 25th. Alas, it was never to be. It seems magic always bypassed my house.

Since turning 18 (I'm 29 now) I've legally become an adult, which entitles me to leave that particular religion behind me for all intents and purposes. With that said, I've done some thorough calculations and I have allowed for inflation (and have taken into account the change of currency from punt to euro in 2002) and arrived at a reasonable figure.

You owe me €4,890.

NinjaTruncs

Hi Santa,

Why do you wrap presents for some children and not others?

GLaDOS

What country leaves the best snacks out for you?

Diamond Doll

You're often referred to as Saint Nicholas - are you really a saint, and if so, are you dead? Also what are your religious leanings?

How do you access apartments which don't have chimneys for you to come down?

Vex Willems

Dear Santa,

I moved out of home three years ago. Should I PM you my new address as you've yet to visit my house. You don't need to leave presents at my Parents house anymore.

Vex (Age 32)

diomed

Why "ho, ho, ho"?
Why not "he, he, he" or "ha, ha, ha"?

(and keep the answer clean )

mackey9387

Hi Santa,

Are you fearful about flying over Turkey / Syrian border in case Johnny Turks thinks your Sleigh is Russian?

Jason
(Age 28)

knucklehead6

Santa,

Are you going to answer us with our real names or our boards names?

The Backwards Man

Hi Santa

With the massive advancements in satellite navigation and tracking in recent decades, and with the current debates of the impact of livestock on climate change, do you think the time has come to sack Rudolph? Do all of the other reindeer still need him to show the way?

The Moldy Gowl

With mrs Claus getting older and less nimble, do you find the naughty list to be containing more and more of Santas little helpers?

Do you ever get upset with Green Giant for stealing your Ho Ho Ho?

mahoganygas

Dear Santa,


Was that you lobbing the gob on my mammy?
Underneath the mistletoe?

Little Tommy.

looksee

Santa, are you there Santa?

tailgunner

Hi Santy,

Big fan, love your work. I've been thinking about making a career change next year, and was wondering if there are any vacancies in the elf department? I've heard there's a lengthy period of on-the-job training before becoming a fully qualified elf, but are there any prerequisites to applying for a role?

Cheers,
Shane (age 30)

Notavirus.exe

Which one of the trolls at Boards HQ is posing as you?

Unless the internet is in the North Pole. Can't be sure either way.

PTH2009

santa

what is your favourite christmas Movie ???

PTH2009

The Hill Billy

Notavirus.exe wrote: »

Which one of the trolls at Boards HQ is posing as you?

Unless the internet is in the North Pole. Can't be sure either way.

Bah, humbug to you, sir!
All you'll be getting is a lump of coal.

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

Ho Ho Holy Reindeer crap, that's a lot of questions.

Santa is pretty busy during the day as you'd expect, but I will try to answer all your questions this evening. Keep them coming.

knucklehead6

I'm Santa Claus, AMA! wrote: »

Ho Ho Holy Reindeer crap, that's a lot of questions.

Santa is pretty busy during the day as you'd expect, but I will try to answer all your questions this evening. Keep them coming.

https://media0.giphy.com/media/WSr5U6zaOLNte/giphy.gif

Toto Wolfcastle

Hi Santa!

Am I on the naughty list? My mother said that it's touch and go this year. I've been on the nice list for 29 Christmases so it has come as a bit of a surprise to me.

whiskeyman

Santa,

Have you ever had any data protection breaches or concerns on your list?
Have anyone ever hacked into your database? DDoS etc..?

Firewalkwithme

Hi Santa.

While I appreciate all of your effort these past few years, there has always been one thing I have never quite understood.

Why is it you always give children who come from families with rich parents better presents than children from families with poor parents? I mean, if anything it should be the other way around because the rich parents could afford to buy the expensive presents anyway but the poor parents couldn't.

Now I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job or anything, I know you've been at it for a while now but would you consider reviewing this policy? Perhaps you could as I suggested reverse the established pattern or at least equalize it for all children. I mean it's kinda sh1t when you go back to school after Christmas and you find out that the little spoiled prick who's bullied you all year got the latest console, a new bike and an iPhone when all I got was books and clothes. I mean, I know he should definitely be on the naughty list this year after he broke my ruler and then he pushed Ciara Cassidy into that dog poo and it got all over her tights and everything and she was crying but he just laughed. He even got lines for that, I mean do you pay any attention to these things at all??

Thanks for your time and Happy Christmas.

Vojera

Dear Santa, what's the story with the North Pole/Lapland confusion? Which one do you actually live at? Or is Lapland where your home is and the North Pole is the base of operations (and therefore where I should send my letters)?

Vojera, (age 30 and 11/12ths)

King George VI

I'm Santa Claus, AMA! wrote: »

Ho Ho Holy Reindeer crap, that's a lot of questions.

Santa is pretty busy during the day as you'd expect, but I will try to answer all your questions this evening. Keep them coming.

Busy doing what? Your elves do all the work. You get 364 days off per year to sleep and watch Seinfeld and fill up on the billions of choc chip cookies you've collected the previous December 25th. Get up and give us some damned answers, fat man!

:pac:

Pat Mustard

Dear Santa,

I asked for a Millennium Falcon but I got an X-Wing Fighter instead.

Decades have passed but this question has always remained.

Why did this happen?

Also, will you pass over Turkish airspace on Christmas Eve?

Boards.ie: Niamh

Notavirus.exe wrote: »

Which one of the trolls at Boards HQ is posing as you?

Unless the internet is in the North Pole. Can't be sure either way.

KERSPLAT!

Dear Santa,

Die Hard, right?

Cheers,

K

(P.S Can I have a surprise this year?)

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

The Hill Billy wrote: »

What are your favourite biscuits for the children to leave out on Christmas Eve, & do you prefer a glass of milk or a drop of sherry to go with them?

There is a lot to be said for a good chocolate digestive. Hob Nobs always go down well too. Rudolph likes fig rolls.

As for the drink, I have to pace myself (otherwise I'd be twisted by the time I leave Iceland). I like milk and fanta, but I take a little sip of something stronger every 1,000 houses. Whatever is available - I'm not fussy.

mirrorwall14

ibarelycare wrote: »

Dear Santa,

Why would you never bring me a Mr Frosty? I asked for it 3 years in a row and I never got it

Love,

Niamh (age 30)

I got mr frosty two years in a row because I stopped playing with it after 2 days and my dad gave it away. Being a determined little one I demanded it all year with all the outrage of a small child to the extent that it had to be gotten again for me

sidcon

Hi

I saw mammy kissing Santa Claus under neath the mistletoe last year and I haven't seen mammy since.
Care to elaborate why santa?

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

JustShon wrote: »

Hollywood always shows your workshop making little wooden trains and dolls and such but I imagine that these days the majority of presents are electronics.

Does your workshop manufacture iPhones, Playstations and Laptops or is that stuff outsourced?

We still make all wooden toys, dolls, teddy bears and board games in house. We start stockpiling electronics on December 26th. Apple are a problem though - the bastards release new phones every year so we have to scramble with the rest of the sheep to stock up.

Yes, Santa rocks an Android and isn't afraid to say it.

iano.p

I am you sure you know what happen in 88. (My brother got up early and put his name on all the labels.) How come he always got the better presents after that?

I'm Santa Claus, AMA!!

ibarelycare wrote: »

Dear Santa,

Why would you never bring me a Mr Frosty? I asked for it 3 years in a row and I never got it

Love,

Niamh (age 30)

Hi Niamh, wonderful question. A popular toy and we could never make enough of them. The kids in hot countries get first dibs, I'm afraid. Who the hell eats flavoured ice in December in this climate? Are you NUTS?

Into The Blue

Hi Santa,

Apologies for the long gap since our last correspondence.

What union are you in?
That's a pretty sweet deal you have there, 1 on 364 off.. You have it nearly as good as council workers breast feeding their shovels looking into a hole.