What kind of person ..

2012paddy2012

I have a lovely little relation with Down syndrome and he is in a calendar with other similar beautiful kids .. It's a charity calendar to raise funds ..... I was delighted to see him in it as he is so cute and happy with great parents. When I brought it home and showed it to the wife her reaction was " ohhh I can't "do" them type of people ... I felt sick at her attitude ... The funny thing is she can understand why this would upset me....

Any views appreciated.

Neyite

Maybe ask her to explain a bit more? I think that she has to do better than just say she doesn't 'do' those types of people. Is she uncomfortable around disabilities for example and if so, why?

Years ago I had a flatmate who I found out after about a year, she would be all wierded out by black people if they were around her. We were trying to find a flatmate and several black people applied. Her reaction certainly wasn't normal, or nice, but I could see it was involuntary and she didn't want to be that kind of person. I think if she worked on it, it would have improved, but she had no inclination at the time.

There are other people who don't 'do' hospitals or funerals. I know a couple of those. They go if they absolutely have to, but that's it. If you are dying in hospital, they might visit you, but otherwise forget it. They are old now, and I've seen them do it with their ill and dying siblings.

The thing is, nobody except your wife knows the answer to why she doesn't 'do' disabilities or special needs, but I'd want to know if I was her spouse, how far she doesn't 'do' them -if you got ill /had an accident and were in a wheelchair, or suffered a brain injury? If you ended up having a special needs child? It kind of undermines her "in sickness and in health" vows she took.

Flippyfloppy

She can understand or can't understand?

As she's your wife you must know her pretty well....has she ever mentioned anything discrimatory like this before?

It's a funny one....if my husband said it it would shock me. What did she say about it afterwards, did she keep it up or try say she didn't mean it that way? If the former it would seriously make me question her as a person.

Windorah

Personally OP if someone said that to me I would be absolutely appalled and demand some kind of an explanation. This wasn't even strangers, this was a relative of yours!

However in saying that I recently attended a conference and the speaker asked the audience to raise their hands if they have experience of working/talking/socialising with people with disabilities. Out of a hundred people I think three raised their hands. Therefore I would hope it's just plain ignorance and perhaps fear of the unknown.

For what it's worth, I know the calendar u are referring to and it's gorgeous! The aim is to raise awareness of Down Syndrome, educate people and ease the fear people may have around the condition.

athtrasna

Did you never notice this before. Surely your wife must have encountered your relation previously?

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

2012paddy2012

Thanks for all replies. She is a caring person , I just cant understand it. Its not mean or that , its strange. She plays with the child on the odd occasion we meet up ...I find her attitude off putting that's all!

Dughorm

While I don't agree with your wife's viewpoint, I think it's important you don't start acting very judgemental and sanctimonious about it or you will be creating a big wedge in your relationship... and that's even if you are a saint yourself!

People claim they don't *do* old people, foreigners, people who are gay, travellers, religious people, disabled people, poor people, people in second relationships, uneducated people, frumpy people etc.... all the time.

But don't forget those same people can change their attitudes at any time depending on the circumstances of their lives... so my advice to you is to be caring and patient and build on that experience where your wife, despite her viewpoint, spent time playing with your little relation...

Dughorm

Windorah wrote: »

Personally OP if someone said that to me I would be absolutely appalled and demand some kind of an explanation. This wasn't even strangers, this was a relative of yours!

This strikes me as very judgemental. What do you think your other half would think of you if you suddenly started laying down the law to him/her?

getaroom

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

I have a lovely little relation with Down syndrome and he is in a calendar with other similar beautiful kids .. It's a charity calendar to raise funds ..... I was delighted to see him in it as he is so cute and happy with great parents. When I brought it home and showed it to the wife her reaction was " ohhh I can't "do" them type of people ... I felt sick at her attitude ... The funny thing is she can understand why this would upset me....

Any views appreciated.

Christ this has hurt me on so many levels. My older sibling is 52 Downes Syndrom and was treated for cancer last year. Full masectomy. Apparently she was an inspiration to every one in the two hospitals who was suffering the same illness. She has early stages of Alzheimer's. But I know that full blown dementia is only months away.

When we were kids she came every thing together. We had neighbours (the parents) who shouted at me to get "that thing" out of here. Another one (adult) "oh those are unlucky" My paternal grandfather told my father that my mother must have been putting it about because there are "no mongols" in our family.

I could go on, kids pointing and laughing on the streets, etc etc.

She is capable of giving more unconditional love than the rest of the world together. The best thing that ever happened me was getting a Downes sister.

I thought those days were gone.

I suggest you email your o/h a link to this thread.

2012paddy2012

getaroom wrote: »

Christ this has hurt me on so many levels. My older sibling is 52 Downes Syndrom and was treated for cancer last year. Full masectomy. Apparently she was an inspiration to every one in the two hospitals who was suffering the same illness. She has early stages of Alzheimer's. But I know that full blown dementia is only months away.

When we were kids she came every thing together. We had neighbours (the parents) who shouted at me to get "that thing" out of here. Another one (adult) "oh those are unlucky" My paternal grandfather told my father that my mother must have been putting it about because there are "no mongols" in our family.

I could go on, kids pointing and laughing on the streets, etc etc.

She is capable of giving more unconditional love than the rest of the world together. The best thing that ever happened me was getting a Downes sister.

I thought those days were gone.

I suggest you email your o/h a link to this thread.

I'm sorry to hear your story. Everybody has a view .. Yours is a very interesting linking from olden times to modern. I think as a society we are more caring to those with disabilities which is progress
Thks for all views paddy

CaraMay

Do you have kids yet op? If not, do you want kids? What happens if you have a child with her and it's downs? I find her attitude really vile tbh.

getaroom

Where can I get a dozen calenders before christmas?

screamer

I think labelling her attitude as appalling is appalling without trying to find out her reasons for it. There are many things and yes even people that others are not comfortable with in life it can be due to previous experience or bias or fear or lack of understanding. Talk to her about it OP before labelling and judging her.

Rubberchikken

You need to ask her what her comment actually meant.
It's a little odd, especially as she knows the person.

I hope the calandar sells well.

strandroad

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

Thanks for all replies. She is a caring person , I just cant understand it. Its not mean or that , its strange. She plays with the child on the odd occasion we meet up ...I find her attitude off putting that's all!

If she actually has time for the child then her words are really just ignorant but without malice. I would ask her why she says such things when it's obvious that she does not mind the child at all? And could she rethink her language because the child's family would be hurt if she let it slip around them, and you're actually not impressed yourself as it makes her sound much worse than she is.

Windorah

Dughorm wrote: »

This strikes me as very judgemental. What do you think your other half would think of you if you suddenly started laying down the law to him/her?

My other half wouldn't be my other half if he made prejudice, rude, ignorant comments.

LegacyUser

I can sort of understand where your wife is coming from. Depends on exactly what/how she said it, but I don't feel comfortable around people with medium to severe mental disabilities. I'm not asking for anyone to understand that, or excuse me over it, I'm just telling you how I feel OP.

I can't explain it. It's not that I think people with mental disabilities should be treated badly in any way at all, but if I'm being honest I would really prefer not to be around such people.

I don't have a similar issue with physical disabilities. And I don't know why I feel that way re mental disabilities. But I just don't know what to say or do, or how to cope, and I freeze. That's not justification of how I feel - I'm just saying that is how I feel. It's not nice. But I just don't know how to do it. I don't think I'm normally a bad person, but I feel that I just can't deal with it.

Others have asked what would happen if the OPs partner had a child with Down's. I couldn't cope. At all. I just know that. And it's not that I'm trying to be horrible, I just couldn't cope

R.D. aka MR.D

Windorah wrote: »

My other half wouldn't be my other half if he made prejudice, rude, ignorant comments.

This^

Seriously, I can't believe that people think that she might have a reason for her ignorance. Okay, fair enough if she's in her 60's or something, it might be some sort of explanation but my grandmother is 93 and wouldn't have such a backward attitude.

But it's 2015, the OP has ever right to be disgusted by his wife saying something like this.

Nobody is going to 'lay down the law' but I have no qualms about telling anybody when they are speaking ignorance. If they are free to say it (which they are) then I'm free to challenge it.

What I wonder is how this attitude hasn't come out before? I think you really need to ask her what she meant. If she doesn't like disabled people then you need to decide if that's a dealbeaker for you.

Dughorm

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

But it's 2015, the OP has ever right to be disgusted by his wife saying something like this.

Of course.... it being 2015 has nothing to do with it. People have always had the right to be disgusted by things they find objectionable and indeed people have always expressed those views when they saw fit. Doesn't make it any less judgemental.

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Nobody is going to 'lay down the law' but I have no qualms about telling anybody when they are speaking ignorance. If they are free to say it (which they are) then I'm free to challenge it.

What I wonder is how this attitude hasn't come out before? I think you really need to ask her what she meant. If she doesn't like disabled people then you need to decide if that's a dealbeaker for you.

Indeed it might be a dealbreaker, but if the OP doesn't feel as strongly then taking the "free to challenge" approach you suggest may be a dealbreaker for her!

Boskowski

Cut your wife some slack. Having a decent attitude towards disabilities is one thing. Hanging up pictures of disabled people in your kitchen to look at all year long is another.

I mean we all want to be really positive about people with mental disabilities. We say even they're the best thing that ever happened to us and we wouldn't want them to be 'normal'.
That's not really true though is it?

LegacyUser

Boskowski wrote: »

Having a decent attitude towards disabilities is one thing. Hanging up pictures of disabled people in your kitchen to look at all year long is another.

This. I do not do calendars with photos of people full stop. They just don't do anything for me. I have bought charity calendars but I wouldn't display them cos to my eyes, they are just ugly a lot of the time. Give me professionally shot calendars of kittens or flowers any day.

Casey78

Boskowski wrote: »

Cut your wife some slack. Having a decent attitude towards disabilities is one thing. Hanging up pictures of disabled people in your kitchen to look at all year long is another.

I mean we all want to be really positive about people with mental disabilities. We say even they're the best thing that ever happened to us and we wouldn't want them to be 'normal'.
That's not really true though is it?

Have you even seen the calendar? Its a calendar with kids in it. They aren't monsters ffs.

And yes,having my 4 year old son who was born with Down Syndrome is the best thing to ever have happened to me.

And BTW I don't wish he was 'normal' because to me and his extended family and friends and classmates he is normal.

The only problem I have and the biggest worry I have for his future is how other people treat him because its other people who make him not normal by their attitude to him.
Thankfully people's attitudes are changing but there'll always be a few who are ignorant but you have to just accept that.

Boskowski

This will sound awful to you but I wouldn't have such a calendar in my kitchen either. I'd give them the twenty quid or whatever it is but I wouldn't hang it up.
No matter how much you love your son to someone else such pictures are not the same. It's like a constant reminder of how tough and unfair life can be. Don't judge me too badly but to me it'd be like hanging up a calendar of war victims or something.

Sunflower 27

I think maybe hold off on the sweeping judgements. I worked for a period of time with some very disabled adults. It was part of training I did and I found it very, very difficult. I found it very sad and at times quite distressing.

If your wife is a caring, loving person and this statement has shocked and hurt you, then by all means tell her and let her explain what she meant.

Don't let this fester.

Casey78

Boskowski wrote: »

This will sound awful to you but I wouldn't have such a calendar in my kitchen either. I'd give them the twenty quid or whatever it is but I wouldn't hang it up.
No matter how much you love your son to someone else such pictures are not the same. It's like a constant reminder of how tough and unfair life can be. Don't judge me too badly but to me it'd be like hanging up a calendar of war victims or something.

Doesn't sound bad to me at as I've come to accept there are people like you out there.

Once again you are making it sound like these kids are monsters and not the normal little happy kids that they are. My guess is you haven't even seen the calendar.

To be honest I've stopped caring what people like you think. I don't blame anyone who has never been around kids like mine for holding ignorant opinions as honestly I was the same myself before my son was born.
The thing is though that stereo type that you think of when you think of someone with DS could not be further from the truth especially in modern society with all the early intervention these kids get.Problem is people don't like to be told they are wrong so will continue to hold their outdated opinions.

Keep your €20 BTW, if that's the way you feel then no one in the organisation would want your money.

Sunflower 27

Casey78 wrote: »

Doesn't sound bad to me at as I've come to accept there are people like you out there.

Once again you are making it sound like these kids are monsters and not the normal little happy kids that they are. My guess is you haven't even seen the calendar.

To be honest I've stopped caring what people like you think. I don't blame anyone who has never been around kids like mine for holding ignorant opinions as honestly I was the same myself before my son was born.
The thing is though that stereo type that you think of when you think of someone with DS could not be further from the truth especially in modern society with all the early intervention these kids get.Problem is people don't like to be told they are wrong so will continue to hold their outdated opinions.

Keep your €20 BTW, if that's the way you feel then no one in the organisation would want your money.

Clearly you are taking this personally. Just because someone doesn't want a calendar with DS children on display doesn't make them a bad person.

Personally, I'd prefer a calendar of beautiful scenery. We are all different.

Casey78

Sunflower 27 wrote: »

Clearly you are taking this personally. Just because someone doesn't want a calendar with DS children on display doesn't make them a bad person.

Personally, I'd prefer a calendar of beautiful scenery. We are all different.

I'm really not.
If someone would rather a different calendar good on them. I'd prefer one with 12 naked ladies if I'm being honest.
But comparing a calendar of 2 and 3 year old kids to a calendar of war victims.... I mean really?

woodchuck

OP we can speculate all we want, but you're not going to find out what she meant by the comment unless you ask her.

If she's normally a caring person, I wouldn't jump straight to conclusions. Seeing people with disabilities can make me feel sad sometimes, so for that reason I also wouldn't be keen on having such a calendar. It's nothing whatsoever do with hate or prejudice etc... it's more like caring too much? Similarly I wouldn't want a calendar of war veterans. I'd rather not have a surge of empathy every time I walk into a room and see it. Maybe your wife just had a knee jerk reaction and expressed herself poorly, but could be thinking along these lines too.

Minera

My OH had an opinion of gay men he would have been very uncomfortable around anyone who was gay, turns out he had never met an openly gay person until he was in his mid 20s. It was ignorance and his upbringing that made him think like that. He has since changed while he is still slightly uncomfortable with pda he doesn't actually leave a party where there is an openly gay couple anymore. So maybe your wife is the same a lack of knowledge and familiarity is probably what's wrong here don't hate her for it teach her

Sunflower 27

Casey78 wrote: »

I'm really not.
If someone would rather a different calendar good on them. I'd prefer one with 12 naked ladies if I'm being honest.
But comparing a calendar of 2 and 3 year old kids to a calendar of war victims.... I mean really?

I'm not saying anything about war victims. Must have been someone else.

It comes down to personal choice. Not wanting a particular type of calendar doesn't make someone bad or inhuman. A calendar with cats would tip me over the edge personally. We all have different ideas of what we find nice to look at and what we find uncomfortable, for whatever reason.

Condemning a person who the OP said is caring, and going so far as to suggest breaking up is waaaay OTT, personally bordering on ridiculous. Of course, if the OP said his partner was discriminating, racist, whatever, in general, that would be a very different story.

woodchuck

Casey78 wrote: »

I'm really not.
If someone would rather a different calendar good on them. I'd prefer one with 12 naked ladies if I'm being honest.
But comparing a calendar of 2 and 3 year old kids to a calendar of war victims.... I mean really?

I actually used the same example before I read the other post.

It's not that I would compare children directly to war victims, but they would both spark strong emotions in me. War victims because I would feel sorry for everything they've been through and how it may have impacted on their lives. The children because I would worry about their future. I know they bring so much joy into peoples lives, but what happens when their primary carers are gone. It just makes me sad to think about it. And since I would think about it every time I would look at the calendar, I'd rather not have the calendar.

Casey78

woodchuck wrote: »

I actually used the same example before I read the other post.

It's not that I would compare children directly to war victims, but they would both spark strong emotions in me. War victims because I would feel sorry for everything they've been through and how it may have impacted on their lives. The children because I would worry about their future. I know they bring so much joy into peoples lives, but what happens when their primary carers are gone. It just makes me sad to think about it. And since I would think about it every time I would look at the calendar, I'd rather not have the calendar.

Its sad that you think that way but I accept your well reasoned opinion.
I suppose I see it differently. The calendar I know of is called I am able to. So rather than focusing on what these kids can't do it focusing on everything they can do. And would you believe it they can do pretty much everything any other kids can do.
Of course I worry about what happens when we are gone,though no more than I worry about my other kids too.
All I'll say is there are a lot of outdated stereotypes regarding DS that people still hold.
The majority of these stereotypes are wrong but for whatever reason some people aren't ready or willing to give them up.

Anyway look this thread is about a calendar. Personally I feel what the OPs wife said is wrong and obviously the OP does also.

woodchuck

Casey78 wrote: »

Its sad that you think that way but I accept your well reasoned opinion.
I suppose I see it differently. The calendar I know of is called I am able to. So rather than focusing on what these kids can't do it focusing on everything they can do. And would you believe it they can do pretty much everything any other kids can do.
Of course I worry about what happens when we are gone,though no more than I worry about my other kids too.
All I'll say is there are a lot of outdated stereotypes regarding DS that people still hold.
The majority of these stereotypes are wrong but for whatever reason some people aren't ready or willing to give them up.

Anyway look this thread is about a calendar. Personally I feel what the OPs wife said is wrong and obviously the OP does also.

I still think she may have just expressed herself very poorly and a conversation needs to be had to see what was really meant. If however the OPs assumption is correct, I do agree that it's a very worrying viewpoint for a partner to have It's just very surprising that this would never have come up in conversation before, so personally I would give someone the benefit of the doubt until they've had a chance to defend themselves.

(Btw without wanting to get off topic, I do think it's lovely that you could look at the calendar and see all the positives. I think it is amazing what these kids can do and the happy lives they lead. I just suppose for me the melancholy is there too, as I can't completely separate the positives from the negatives. I would like to be able to, but I suppose it's just different ways of thinking.)

Boskowski

Casey78 wrote: »

Keep your €20 BTW, if that's the way you feel then no one in the organisation would want your money.

I was going to thank your post until that last sentence made me realise we don't really understand each other after all.

I'm not comparing these kids to war victims. But in your way of coping with your situation you make it sound like DS is a great thing. Which it is not. Its an awful thing to happen to anyone. And I don't care how much better it is nowadays and how people's attitudes change. It still is an awful thing.

When I look at a calendar with DS kids I'm not thinking how happy they look and how great it is what they can do these days. I'm looking at something that makes me sad. That's how I meant it and I think there would be others feeling like that too. Including the OPs wife I'd say.

Casey78

Boskowski wrote: »

I was going to thank your post until that last sentence made me realise we don't really understand each other after all.

I'm not comparing these kids to war victims. But in your way of coping with your situation you make it sound like DS is a great thing. Which it is not. Its an awful thing to happen to anyone. And I don't care how much better it is nowadays aynd how people's attitudes change. It still is an awful thing.

When I look at a calendar with DS kids I'm not thinking how happy they look and how great it is what they can do these days. I'm looking at something that makes me sad. That's how I meant it and I think there would be others feeling like that too. Including the OPs wife I'd say.

I never said DS to be a great thing.
We have had many ups and downs(pardon the pun) since our son was born. It's not what I would have wanted before I had kids and I went through a dark enough time after he was born.

It has changed me as a person though and for the better, that might sound like a cliché but its true.Believe me our lives are very very normal. We do exactly all the same things other families do. People seem to think we sit in behind closed curtains all the time afraid to bring our not 'normal' child outside:)
My life like anyone else's can be tough and hard at times and having a child with DS can bring its own difficulties but really nothing that can't be handled.

You are wrong though,very wrong in fact, its not the awful thing you say or think it is, but that's your opinion and as I have previously stated I've stopped worrying about what people like you think.
I know you're wrong, you think you're right. I have experience to back my opinion up. Maybe you do maybe not. Either way you are entitled to your opinion but I'm not about to start going back and forth with you about it.

Boskowski

I'm not asking you to do that and I'm not looking for an argument. I know there is no right and if there is it's most certainly not me who's 'right'. I'm only trying to explain how someone like the OPs wife might feel.

warpdrive

There really needs to be more of an effort made to reduce the level of ignorance shown towards disabled people by society in Ireland. It's sad that it even has to be done in this day and age but perhaps some campaigns similar to ones about mental health would help. Some downs syndrome people can be incredibly loving and caring and they're so vulnerable so to have absolute degenerates make fun of them etc. truly is terrible.

getaroom

warpdrive wrote: »

There really needs to be more of an effort made to reduce the level of ignorance shown towards disabled people by society in Ireland. It's sad that it even has to be done in this day and age but perhaps some campaigns similar to ones about mental health would help. Some downs syndrome people can be incredibly loving and caring and they're so vulnerable so to have absolute degenerates make fun of them etc. truly is terrible.

I dont think you could get more public awareness than the special olympics that was held in ireland a couple of years ago.

Some people are just prejudiced. I saw some men jeering a couple of Indian / Pakistani lads. The same people would have no problem going to an indian restaurant / takeaway.

I think we can all say that we have been with someone or have seen someone making "fun" of gay people.

Sorry If I took this a little off topic.

Bottom line, if you see someone with downes syndrome, say hello, they will appreciate it as will you.

Windorah

warpdrive wrote: »

There really needs to be more of an effort made to reduce the level of ignorance shown towards disabled people by society in Ireland. It's sad that it even has to be done in this day and age but perhaps some campaigns similar to ones about mental health would help. Some downs syndrome people can be incredibly loving and caring and they're so vulnerable so to have absolute degenerates make fun of them etc. truly is terrible.

The idea of this calendar and the photographic book is to raise awareness! It's entitled "Here I am" and showcases the children as children first and foremost.
I have no problem with people explaining that they may feel uncomfortable or unsure around people with disabilities. And I'm more than happy to help.
But to state that you "don't do people with disabilities" or some other B.S comment is, without a doubt, fckd up!

Chocolate fiend

I wonder how the people who could not look at the calendar will feel in the future if their child has Downs syndrome or their grandchild? Will they not display photos of the child in their home?

Or if they go to school and a little guy with Downs syndrome is in their class and comes to birthday parties and is in class photos?

This thread has made depressing reading.

getaroom

Chocolate fiend wrote: »

This thread has made depressing reading.

I think the op has prompted a discussion which might be unpleasant but positive.

From a personal perspective Im disappointed that as a society we are not as advanced as we like to think we are.

Chocolate fiend

Posts like "I don't like "them" but, don't judge me" really bother me, do people know who "them" translates to? It is your son or daughter, your nephew or niece, it is your best friends child. It is anyone. It is just pure chance and having an issue with "them" just shows ignorance in my opinion.

Dricmeister

We did some work with people with Downs Syndrome when I was in school. One of my friends was attacked and bitten by one of the guys and to this day "he hates them".

Some people have strong views and won't be told otherwise.

Chocolate fiend

Dricmeister wrote: »

We did some work with people with Downs Syndrome when I was in school. One of my friends was attacked and bitten by one of the guys and to this day "he hates them".

Some people have strong views and won't be told otherwise.

It would not be acceptable to have those views about someone because of their skin colour though would it, which is just as much an integral part of a person as how many chromosomes they have.

Lia_lia

Boskowski wrote: »

This will sound awful to you but I wouldn't have such a calendar in my kitchen either. I'd give them the twenty quid or whatever it is but I wouldn't hang it up.
No matter how much you love your son to someone else such pictures are not the same. It's like a constant reminder of how tough and unfair life can be. Don't judge me too badly but to me it'd be like hanging up a calendar of war victims or something.

Wow. This is probably the worst comment I've ever seen on Boards.

I didn't think people had these feelings towards people with Downs Syndrome. I have a 50 year old aunt with Downs, so maybe it's just because I've been around people with Downs all my life.

How could you say that about a calendar with pictures of children?!

Ann84

Lia_lia wrote: »

Wow. This is probably the worst comment I've ever seen on Boards.

I didn't think people had these feelings towards people with Downs Syndrome. I have a 50 year old aunt with Downs, so maybe it's just because I've been around people with Downs all my life.

How could you say that about a calendar with pictures of children?!

I think that's a bit harsh - not everyone has experience of people with disabilities, as you said you do but not everyone in the world has...

This is a topic which rarely gets discussed. I worked for years in the area of intellectual disability. The service users in my care had down syndrome. Being with them and ensuring they had the best quality of life possible was as regular to me as going to the shops. Of course the work was at times difficult, just because a person has a disability be it physical or intellectual does not mean they are suddenly bestowed with angel like status and are all loving. Like the rest of us, people with down syndrome are individuals with their own quirks and flaws.

Part of me does understand the level of discomfort some experience when in the company of those individuals. Perhaps it is fear of not knowing how to behave or what to say, perhaps it is fear of the person themselves. However an even bigger part of me believes there is something fundamentally "off" with the core of a person if they cannot tolerate a calendar featuring children with down syndrome.

OP, how your wife phrased her discomfort seems terribly odd to me. To refer to a particular group of human beings in such a way, "doesn't do", I think were her words, is very heartless in my opinion.

skallywag

Deleted User wrote: »

Part of me does understand the level of discomfort some experience when in the company of those individuals. Perhaps it is fear of not knowing how to behave or what to say, perhaps it is fear of the person themselves.

As someone who has also worked with intellectually challenged folk (not confined to Downs) I have to say that this strikes a chord with me. There are certainly some who feel very very uncomfortable being around such situations, and these people can very often be those who would otherwise be thought of very highly. It's not something that I ever took an issue with myself, as I knew that the vast majority of such people were not being cruel or lacking understanding on purpose, it was just the way they reacted in this situation, and there was very little that they could do to counter it.

This post on the thread would sum it up well for me:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=98149326&postcount=18

Now, that said, I would not necessarily be putting the OP's case into this category at all. The comment sounds far too flippant to me, and I would also be tending to take offense to be honest.

SeaBreezes

Boskowski wrote: »

This will sound awful to you but I wouldn't have such a calendar in my kitchen either. I'd give them the twenty quid or whatever it is but I wouldn't hang it up.
No matter how much you love your son to someone else such pictures are not the same. It's like a constant reminder of how tough and unfair life can be. Don't judge me too badly but to me it'd be like hanging up a calendar of war victims or something.

Your right. Its does sound awful to me.

SeaBreezes

Ann84 wrote: »

I think that's a bit harsh - not everyone has experience of people with disabilities, as you said you do but not everyone in the world has...

I think its spot on. They're kids. You dont need 'experience' you just need a heart.