Your experience with people

Azalea

There have been a few threads with the opening question asking whether people have had mean things said/done to them, what their family lives were like etc, and naive me thinking that it would be all fairly innocuous stuff, but there have been some horrific stories of nastiness and bullying (sometimes from complete strangers) and downright abuse

I admit, I used to think those who said "People are cuntts" were just annoying misanthropes determined to see the bad in people, but the more I read of people's terrible experiences at the hands of others, the more I understand where they're coming from.

"Hell is other people" - damn true it seems.

I'm extremely lucky in that, apart from a stint when I was 13 of being bullied by this horrible little **** of a girl (who bullied lots of other people and ultimately ended up friendless) and a bit of slagging by a few lads in primary school who ultimately ended up my pals - they were just being silly pre-pubescents, and none of it had any long-lasting effect on me, I haven't experienced the likes of what others have, at all. And I consider myself extremely lucky. As a result, I think most people are good. Are there others like me? Is it more usual or non unusual to encounter horrible, nasty freaks a lot?

PucaMama

I'd love to hope that I've just been unfortunate with the people I've came across, but I'm starting to think the majority of people are idiots.

Not you op and I hope you continue to have good luck

YungKeo

I tend not to take much notice of other people, I'm too busy thinking of how great I am

God I'm great.

William F

I think what a lot of normal people take for granted is a positive upbringing. Other people aren't so lucky and our prisons and the people in them are testament to that.

One eyed Jack

Azalea wrote: »

Is it more usual or non unusual to encounter horrible, nasty freaks a lot?

If someone is encountering horrible, nasty freaks a lot, then they're usually the type of person that says this -

"People are cuntts" were just annoying misanthropes determined to see the bad in people.

And yes, they really are annoying, self-centred, narcissistic misanthropes who are determined to see the bad in people, because it reinforces their world view that everyone else is the problem, and it could never be them.

It's not unusual to encounter them online, but they're pretty rare offline IME. I happen to believe people aren't black and white, they're neither good nor bad, they're just people, and you have to trust them, otherwise you'll never learn anything.

the evasion_kid

too many people have hidden agendas...it doesnt take long to show itself

RayM

I've been lucky. I've never had any truly bad experiences with people. I was bullied on a daily basis for the first couple of years of secondary school, and it probably did have a profound lasting effect on me (twenty years on, I remain painfully self-conscious and anxious in social situations). I don't think there was ever any real malice involved though. Even at the time, I could recognise that it was just bored kids being dicks... and being small and quiet made me an obvious target, but it never escalated into anything too sinister.

Even saying bad things or bitching about people who piss me off makes me cringe a bit. It always feels a bit unfair or something. I don't think I've ever met anyone whom I find absolutely irredeemable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egl4WmCgPWY

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

LETHAL LADY

:pac::)

endacl

In my experience? People are cool. Cheer the fcuk up. Get out more.

If you only meet ar5eholes, perhaps you're an ar5ehole magnet.

B.A._Baracus

People are fucking assholes.
Everyone is out for themselves. Tell me i'm wrong boards.ie
Because we all got our own little circle that we care for and will do anything for. But f*ck the rest. I wish that wasn't the case but hey... the way the world works.

dubscottie

People get right on my tits..

They cant walk in a straight line. Always start walking straight for you and it ends up a game of shopper chicken.. Who will move first..

They stop as soon as they enter/exit a shop at the door blocking my way.

They talk to loud on the phone, or worse use it while trying to buy something..

And don't get be started on "coffee cup ****". The ones that do everything one handed as they want everyone to know they got a takeaway coffee..

And battering prams.. Mums that think "I am superior to all as Ive a crotch goblin"..

Hold on.. Is this not for the Trivial annoyance thread?

The Backwards Man

There's an old saying that empty vessels make the most noise. It's not entirely accurate. Arseholes make the biggest dickhead is more apt. The majority of people are sound, it's just that the ones who annoy, anger, or perturb us stand out more, unfortunately.

DEFTLEFTHAND

I believe that some people are born bad. My father was friends with a doctor's son in his childhood, he has relayed to me all the awful things this guy would do, Dad thought that he was cool but as he got older he realised that he a just nasty individual.

When they went to college in UCD your man started a scam taking Law books out of the library, ripping the front page out and selling them for a fiver (1970s)

He's dead now, spent his whole life conning people and being involved in low level crime. Never achieved anything in his years, never even held down a proper job. A doctor's son, there were no limitations on him, he could have tried anything he wanted.

Oranage2

I agree op, most people want to be liked, we're social creatures. Most people are alright, some extremely nice, some a bit odd but still not bad. I think 90% of people fall into this category.

Then there are the absolute c*nts, maybe upbringing, environment, mental issues who knows.

I avoid these type of people at all cost, not always easy but say at work I would let the person know I don't like them and that I deliberately avoid any social interaction with them. But I can think of very few situations I've ever had to do it.

I was bullied badly as a child/teenager. My family have gone through some hard times, times that some could never even comprehend, as a direct result of nasty people. However, my overall experience of people as an adult, is that they are good. It definitely comes down in some way to your own outlook, whether you focus on the bad things that have happened, or the good. I purposely focus on the good things people do, or even just the normal people. There are far far more of those than there are bad.

Menas

There are people out there who are bad and can cause you harm, no doubt about that.

But the vast majority of people are just like you, nice and trying to be happy. Thats the way I see it anyway. Most people are inherently nice and respond positively to kindness, humour and courtesy.
Surround yourself with these normal people, and fck the rest of the nasty shytes- not worth worrying about.

Eugene Norman

It's probably an 80/20 rule like most things, with 20% being a bit prickish.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

In real life I have only really met nice decent people. Of course some were odd or had a nasty streak but one just avoids and excludes these people from one's life.
The internet,however, seems to be brimming with people who think all other people are horrible and the world is a bitter place for them. I can't accept that view because I've seen too much of life to be influenced by the same people time and again using the internet to bemoan what I know to be a wonderful world with plenty of ordinary, caring, loving decent people getting on with their lives.

Figbiscuithead

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

People are fucking assholes.
Everyone is out for themselves. Tell me i'm wrong boards.ie
Because we all got our own little circle that we care for and will do anything for. But f*ck the rest. I wish that wasn't the case but hey... the way the world works.

Well I think the fact that we'll look out for ourselves and our own doesn't make us assholes, I think that's just the way we're built. We expect too much of ourselves and others as a species, I think. I wouldn't realistically expect a complete stranger to sacrifice themselves for me in any way though they've surprised me many times in the past. People volunteer, give to charity and pay taxes into a system to help those who need it without creating too much of a fuss about it. Most strangers I meet are pleasant and I wouldn't expect anymore from them than that.

I've had some awful things said and done to me in the past that I know had a huge effect on the person I am now but I've never generalised those experiences of a handful of individuals to the population at large or at least not long-term and to the extent that I actually believed it. I think some people have a propensity to do that and they're absolutely justified in doing that and I completely understand why they would do that but....I do think they're wrong in their conclusion. Most people are decent - I really, really believe that and have met enough of them to come to that conclusion. Some dick being a...eh....dick doesn't change that. Most decent people act stupidly too but as RayM said, it's rare to meet someone completely irredeemable.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

I think most people are ignorant, selfish and not very self aware, but not deliberately nasty. Of course some are just total bastards but they seem to be relatively few and far between.

CINCLANTFLT

dubscottie wrote: »

People get right on my tits..

They cant walk in a straight line. Always start walking straight for you and it ends up a game of shopper chicken.. Who will move first..

They stop as soon as they enter/exit a shop at the door blocking my way.

They talk to loud on the phone, or worse use it while trying to buy something..

And don't get be started on "coffee cup ****". The ones that do everything one handed as they want everyone to know they got a takeaway coffee..

And battering prams.. Mums that think "I am superior to all as Ive a crotch goblin"..

Hold on.. Is this not for the Trivial annoyance thread?

Yes... All this... People stopping dead in the middle of a shop... Blocking everyone and offended when I tell them to get the hell out of my way!

Shenshen

I think most people are ok. I wouldn't go so far as calling them "good", that's a bit simplistic. Everybody has good sides and bad sides, as well as good days and bad days. If you encountered me on a really bad day, it's possible would might call me a c*nt as well.

I think most people's most serious character fault is inattention. People generally will opt to do the right thing, to be nice and helpful. But a lot of the time, they don't pay enough attention to where their help might be needed. They don't think for long enough about the consequences before they act or speak. They don't mean to offend or hurt, they just don't realise that what they do or say causes harm.

That said, some people ARE c*nts, deliberately and full-time. My father is one, for example. He is the worst bully it's ever been my misfortune to encounter. Although I had my fair share of abuse at school, and also from complete strangers.

RhubarbCrumble

donkeyoaty0099 wrote: »

I think most people are ignorant, selfish and not very self aware, but not deliberately nasty. Of course some are just total bastards but they seem to be relatively few and far between.

Agreed. I think there are an awful lot of people out there who are INCREDIBLY selfish. They look out for themselves and don't care about anyone else. I know people like this and their attitude is basically "Well I'm okay so f**k everyone else. They're not my problem"

Sad to say my only sibling is definitely one of them.

bluefinger

For me it's about your own perception of others. I have found that the more cynical I am the worse I feel about people. By putting positive vibes out you generally get positive vibes back. I'm constantly surprised at how my opinion of people changes based on how much effort I put into getting to know them.

MilesMorales1

I've had plenty of bad experiences with people. A lot of family has treated me very badly, my dad in particular, then my 'friends' weren't always kind to me either and treated me badly, used me for money or whatever. Sucks.

But then I have a little sister whose great, have a great relationship with her, a good friend I've had since I was little whose still a good friend to me, and you can meet nice people online, and that makes it all better.

Starscream25

'People are *****', this will become quite evident in the forthcoming zombie apocalypse.
Sure there's always a few bad eggs, I've met my fair share of dickheads but nice and pleasant people do exist, one just has to make more of an effort to get out and meet them, that's easier said than done for some people which I feel further cements the feelings that everyone's a ****.
Sometimes I feel everyone women on tinder who I don't match with is a dickhead but no they just don't like the cut of my jib, I'm sure they'd be lovely in person tho:)

Wibbs

I generally work a rule of thirds. In my experience I have found a third of folks are within the range of sound, a third are OK enough and a third are within the range of being gits. On first meeting the majority fall into the "OK enough" pile, it's over time their final position lines up. You can also find someone on a bad day or a good one, so it's best to get the long view(this goes quadruple for romantic stuff). Generally though I have found 2/3 of people are fairly grand and even the gits can rarely sustain being arseholes 24/7.

TL;DR? IMHO and IME most folks are grand and if you think most folks are arseholes, the problem is likely you.

cantdecide

donkeyoaty0099 wrote: »

I think most people are ignorant, selfish and not very self aware, but not deliberately nasty. Of course some are just total bastards but they seem to be relatively few and far between.

+1

IMO, it comes down to how much some people allow laziness to take over their willingness to be civil. Only a small few people are truly nasty.

IMO. most people are fundamentally benignly selfish but are taught to behave in a civilised way. Most of the time this behaviour extends to family, loved ones, coworkers and most of society, most of the time. In some cases, it's family and loved ones only. In certain cases, people are simply selfish and self centered all the time as they just aren't bothered what others think (they drive BMW's).

If the majority of benignly selfish people are tired or stressed or hung over, they often just can't muster the energy to pretend to not be self centered where they normally would make the effort.

The rarest beast is the one that despite their own discomfort, want to be pleasant for pleasant's sake and this is my favourite kind of person.

dr.fuzzenstein

Wibbs wrote: »

I generally work a rule of thirds. In my experience I have found a third of folks are within the range of sound, a third are OK enough and a third are within the range of being gits. On first meeting the majority fall into the "OK enough" pile, it's over time their final position lines up. You can also find someone on a bad day or a good one, so it's best to get the long view(this goes quadruple for romantic stuff). Generally though I have found 2/3 of people are fairly grand and even the gits can rarely sustain being arseholes 24/7.

TL;DR? IMHO and IME most folks are grand and if you think most folks are arseholes, the problem is likely you.

Amen to that, brother.
I once heard a saying "if you have a problem with everyone, the problem is you".
And it seems the internet either attracts a certain kind of person or it turns people into nasty little critters that can spout hate and bile anonymously. I often lose my faith in humanity coming to AH and I think we're all aresholes, but I find in real life people are a lot nicer. Maybe because we would never discuss things down the pub the way we discuss them here, you'd get a bottle or a chair over your head.

eviltwin

I met the worst people I've ever met in my childhood. Since then most people I've met have been brilliant so I hope I've had my dickhead quota filled. I love meeting people and always assume a person is a good person until they prove otherwise. I also try to give people the benefit of the doubt if they are rude or indifferent cause it could be stress or whatever.

Azalea

endacl wrote: »

If you only meet ar5eholes, perhaps you're an ar5ehole magnet.

I would have agreed with you a few days ago, and there are certainly examples of what you say, e.g.

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

People are fucking assholes.
Everyone is out for themselves. Tell me i'm wrong boards.ie
Because we all got our own little circle that we care for and will do anything for. But f*ck the rest. I wish that wasn't the case but hey... the way the world works.

The above stuff is so self centred yet lacking in self awareness it's amazing, but going by the thread of people talking about horrible things that have been said to them, it does seem that some people are easy targets repeatedly for vile nastiness.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Fluffy Cat 88

Managers or other boss-types start a conversation with me, but when someone more interesting comes along, drop it mid way (always when I'm talking) and take off chatting to them, sometimes chasing after them!

Now if one of them says anything to me nowadays I say "grand, thanks", and keep on walking. If I'm not worth their time, they are certainly not worth mine!

Doubt they've even noticed

billyhead

Some people are just cnuts Im afraid. Its human nature and its hard for them to ever change. Best thing to do is say fcuk you to these cnuts and carry on living a a fulfilling happy and compassionate life.

LeeLooLee

I think most people are grand, but it seems like there are loads of horrible people around because they stick out more. If you're in town and some d1ck passes you on the street and makes a nasty comment, you'll remember that person, not the 500 people who passed you and said nothing.

foxy farmer

Im a great believer in genetics and breeding transferring inherited behaviour from parents to kids. If you're dealing with a pig its almost certain that one or both parents are pigs too. Had an experience with a neighbour here during the year where she showed her true colours but then again her father was a tool of the highest order so it didn't come as any surprise.
That said i know of people who are dead straight and honest but could give someone a wallop if they pissed them off.
It takes all sorts to make the world.

Fukuyama

IME, you don't see people as they really are day to day. Mainly because day to day life is so simplistic and trivial. You could work with people day-in, day-out and never know the real them.

For example, the nice, chirpy "always happy" girl who everyone loves in the office, when placed in a situation where she could help herself or someone who needs it might opt for the former when nobody's looking. Some of the most popular people I know are well liked but in clinch times they wouldn't save their own grandmother.

And the scowling boss who is always grumpy might give someone who genuinely needs it a hand up, as opposed to a daily smile which is fairly useless really. Sometimes the most bitter individuals are the ones who have had a few bad knocks in life. But they're normally the ones who spring into action when it fcuking counts and actually help others. Instead of just a little faux "feel better" hug or whatever from "nice" people.

I have also found these types are generally more willing to do what needs to be done for a greater good, instead of worrying whether people like them constantly.

Best test of someones character is to see what they do when nobody is looking or when they don't HAVE to act. Results might shock you.

Another good test is to sit back and people watch during a crisis. Group dynamics are hilarious.

Azalea

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

But most people don't go to any great lengths for people they don't know, day to day. It's just weird to decide they're an arsehole until proven otherwise.

RDM_83 again

I think most people are nice enough, on the flip side I also think most people will act in their own self interest most of the time.
When somebody says they think that most people are pricks I tend to assume that they are either abrasive or alternatively way too submissive.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Patww79

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Most people would not walk on your neck. Most people are decent, hard working, trustworthy and kind, and just trying to get through the day like everyone else.

I'm glad I don't see the world as some hostile war zone filled with people trying to put one over on me. It must be impossible to find any happiness if that's how you see the world.

We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are.

Anais Nin.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Patww79

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I'm not naive, but if that's what you think you'll see, then that's what you will see. If all you see around you is people out for themselves trying to take advantage of others, then it's your own confirmation bias in action.

RayM

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

The people you care about... would they walk on my neck if it was an advantage to them? Or are they, by some peculiar coincidence, the exceptions to that rule?

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

RDM_83 again

Candie wrote: »

I'm not naive, but if that's what you think you'll see, then that's what you will see. If all you see around you is people out for themselves trying to take advantage of others, then it's your own confirmation bias in action.

You live in London right? go down to Cannon Street or Bank tube station at rush hour

Unlike a few of the posters here I've always thought the vast majority of people are decent, as I've became more experienced I found out its best to be aware that some people while not bad won't hesitate in screwing you over if its in their advantage.

Patww79

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

See, there is he crux of the issue I think. You think like that, so you assume everyone else must do too.

They don't!

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

RDM_83 again

RDM_83 again wrote: »

You live in London right? go down to Cannon Street or Bank tube station at rush hour

Unlike a few of the posters here I've always thought the vast majority of people are decent, as I've became more experienced I found out its best to be aware that some people while not bad won't hesitate in screwing you over if its in their advantage.

I don't live in London but I'm from London, and a crowd is not the same thing as a person. Crowds are awful, people are generally good. Tube stations bring out the worst in any crowd.

There's always going to be bad eggs, but they're far from the majority.

Penny Tration

I've met some horrible people in my time, a few who were truly disgusting, morally bankrupt scumbags who will never ever be good people.

But the vast majority of people I've met are good, nice people.

Most people are inherently grand. I like most people because my experience has been that most people are nice.