Qustion for the backwards man :-)

Sunnyisland

Sir I live on my own and have a problem, last night I went to put the washing machine on to wash some clothes, and to my dismay I found I had now detergent tablets or washing powder, as I live miles away from any shops etc I was going to use either shampoo or washing up liquid,just to sudsy the water like, now you being all knowledgeable in these sort of affairs I was wondering could you give me some advise on what's the best option to carry on with, thanks in advance. :-)

kneemos

Turf is all he knows about.

Jawgap

realies wrote: »

Sir I live on my own and have a problem, last night I went to put the washing machine on to wash some clothes, and to my dismay I found I had now detergent tablets or washing powder, as I live miles away from any shops etc I was going to use either shampoo or washing up liquid,just to sudsy the water like, now you being all knowledgeable in these sort of affairs I was wondering could you give me some advise on what's the best option to carry on with, thanks in advance. :-)

No, they're foaming agents - they'll create a winter wonderland for you

If the clothes aren't heavily soiled just wash them without detergent.

Corpus Twisty

Jawgap wrote: »

No, they're foaming agents - they'll create a winter wonderland for you

If the clothes aren't heavily soiled just wash them without detergent.

It's only a punt, but would silicone be of any use?

kneemos

Corpus Twisty wrote: »

It's only a punt, but would silicone be of any use?

Cheap silicone.

Badly Drunk Boy

Corpus Twisty wrote: »

It's only a punt, but would silicone be of any use?

Good call! It'll stop them from getting wet, no matter how long the washing machine is going for.

Badly Drunk Boy

(A bit of turf mull added would give it a bit of character, though...)

Corpus Twisty

Dock leaves generally are good for lots of stuff too - maybe they also make a good non-bio detergent? Seemed to be the answer to everything when we were kids anyway.

I've heard using foamy stuff can lead to disaster alright, so probably washing-up liquid or such is out of the question - although Foamageddon could be a giggle for a short while.

jamesbere

A Turf/Silicone mix will clean anything.

smash

Use a dishwasher tablet. What could possibly go wrong?

C.K Dexter Haven

smash wrote: »

Use a dishwasher tablet. What could possibly go wrong?

Your clothes might turn into knives and forks?

Sky King

Use bread soda. Don't use anything that will cause suds.

Bread soda probably the most versatile day-to-day thing you'll find in a home.

circadian

WD40 solves all problems.

Banjo String

I've seen this on Bear Grylls.

When faced with the dilemma of soiled clothes, with no modern detergents or fabric wash to cleanse them, they must be doused in human urine.

Pìss all over them realies. You know you wanna

The Backwards Man

Elbow grease.

Sink full of piping hot water and a good bar of soap.

smash

C.K Dexter Haven wrote: »

Your clothes might turn into knives and forks?

Or spoons... oh the humanity!!!!!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Living on your own and using a washing machine? Use the sink.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Collin Tart Stock-still wrote: »

Living on your own and using a washing machine? Use the sink.

:eek:

TommyKnocker

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Elbow grease.

Sink full of piping hot water and a good bar of soap.

And a washboard if you have one handy and of course a clothes wringer/mangle to help with the drying

The Backwards Man

Why are you asking me anyway? Any bulkbuying culchie worth their salt has five boxes of washing powder and half a dozen bottles of fabric softener to hand at all times.

kneemos

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Why are you asking me anyway? Any bulkbuying culchie worth their salt has five boxes of washing powder and half a dozen bottles of fabric softener to hand at all times.

You never know when the bootcuts will need a wash

Does the Backwards Man constantly bump into things? I like to picture that his house is entirely TBM-proofed, with nothing breakable, no sharp edges, and every door is those kind that you get in hospitals/restaurants, that open both ways.

asherbassad

Get a bar of soap and powder it using a cheese grater.
Mix with a bit of washing soda if you have it. If not then a few teaspoons of salt.

Done!

NachoBusiness

You people are useless.

Just wash them in the washing machine anyway. The hot water and agitation alone will remove a most of the dirt. If you have a fine grater and some soap, then grate a tablespoon or so of it and place it inside the machine in the middle of the clothes.

seagull

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Why are you asking me anyway? Any bulkbuying culchie worth their salt has five boxes of washing powder and half a dozen bottles of fabric softener to hand at all times.

And a mammy to actually do the washing.

The Backwards Man

seagull wrote: »

And a mammy to actually do the washing.

Nope, we are mostly taught to paddle our own canoes at an early age. When I was in high infants we used to sew buttons on the teachers jacket, starch his shirts and darn his socks. He was a townie.

maudgonner

Deleted User wrote: »

Does the Backwards Man constantly bump into things? I like to picture that his house is entirely TBM-proofed, with nothing breakable, no sharp edges, and every door is those kind that you get in hospitals/restaurants, that open both ways.

We know what 90% of his house looks like. He was kind enough to post photos in the highly addictive "What's in your fridge?" thread.

TeaBagMania

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Any bulkbuying culchie worth their salt has five boxes of washing powder and half a dozen bottles of fabric softener to hand at all times.

That's how I roll, and bulk beer buying saves $$$. Only have to shop once a month, if that

ScumLord

Most soaps are essentially the same, they are made from fats and lye, so I guess you could cut the fat off some rashers for the fat content, you might have some lye based drain cleaners in your house, feck in a bottle of that, spray some lynx in for flavour and then let the washing machine do the mixing.

circadian

NachoBusiness wrote: »

You people are useless.

Just wash them in the washing machine anyway. The hot water and agitation alone will remove a most of the dirt. If you have a fine grater and some soap, then grate a tablespoon or so of it and place it inside the machine in the middle of the clothes.

NachoBusiness:Donestic Godess

MonkeyTennis

I dont think being agitated is going to help. Best keep calm and think it through.

smash

There's an old Surname "TURFOOT". So my question to The Backwards Man is simply:

How much turf could a Trufoot foot if a Turfoot could foot Turf?

The Backwards Man

smash wrote: »

There's an old Surname "TURFOOT". So my question to The Backwards Man is simply:

How much turf could a Trufoot foot if a Turfoot could foot Turf?

Like the big city slicker a neighbour had going to the bog for the first time to foot turf. Worked away all day, was a wee bit slow at it but put the day in anyway. Down for the tae in the evening and the neighbour gets out the biscuit box from the hotpress. 'Well? How much have you to get?' he asks. 'I don't know', he replies, 'how much are men going?'

uch

Nothing like a bit of 'Head and Shoulders' in yer jocks

ScumLord

uch wrote: »

Nothing like a bit of 'Head and Shoulders' in yer jocks

They don't go there, you're doing underwear wrong.

Junkyard Tom

Wear them in the shower and kill two burds with one stone.

moonlighting

Hammer89

moonlighting wrote: »

Did you mean to post this in the worst comedians thread mate?

BM, is it snowing up there? Im driving to Derry tomorrow, should i take car or jeep?

Fleawuss

?nam sdrawkcab eht dellac uoy era yhW

The Backwards Man

Strawberry Milkshake wrote: »

BM, is it snowing up there? Im driving to Derry tomorrow, should i take car or jeep?

Nope, lovely weather here, take the car, you could even take the top down.:)

Ruu

He'll give you the answer in the form of a song.

Corpus Twisty

Sky King wrote: »

Use bread soda. Don't use anything that will cause suds.

Bread soda probably the most versatile day-to-day thing you'll find in a home.

I tried using it as a remote control for the telly, on your recommendation. Quite bad was the verdict. I'm going to stick with silicone from now on.

Corpus Twisty

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

Good call! It'll stop them from getting wet, no matter how long the washing machine is going for.

If only the ESB had heard of it. Or the OPW. All their problems solved..

Blind Faith

Dear Backwards Man, I too am requiring your input on a mildly distressing issue I have created for myself.
Last week after a lovely sushi meal out to celebrate my secretary's birthday, we arrived back to the flat in D4 for night caps, after a few more shots we were both feeling a particularly frisky & up for some severe spanking. I brought out my stash of devices & quickly strapped into my harness & ring gag while she adorned herself with stockings, suspenders, whips & nipple clamps. So ensued many hours of extreme hardcore romping in the study with straps, hogties, bondage mittens and cuffs, after which we manoeuvred out to the kitchen were we utilised many of the utensils therein for our mutual pleasure, after several further hours in the pantry, the cheese grater became somewhat tiresome & she lead me out to the entrance hall & using my spreader bar, tied me to the Pembroke table & proceeded to punish me with the nail paddle for not whimpering in quite the correct manner.
That's when I must of blacked out for a while, as the last thing I remember beforehand, was her leaning over me with a roll of P40 sandpaper in her mouth, she maintains she'd never before witnessed anyone climaxing quite so intensely or severely, I had apparently bolted straight forward, arched back & somersaulted clean over her head with the Pembroke table still attached to my ankles, resulting in my total disordination & crash landing right onto my wife's recently refurbished Louis XVI chaise lounge, of which one of the rear mahogany legs snapped clean off in the debacle!

So BM, can you recommend a suitable glue which would be strong enough to repair the mahogany leg?

My wife is due back from Cannes next Tuesday.

BF.

Geoffrey Dalton

Why do you wear wellingtons in the concrete yard?

The Backwards Man

Blind Faith wrote: »

Dear Backwards Man, I too am requiring your input on a mildly distressing issue I have created for myself.
Last week after a lovely sushi meal out to celebrate my secretary's birthday, we arrived back to the flat in D4 for night caps, after a few more shots we were both feeling a particularly frisky & up for some severe spanking. I brought out my stash of devices & quickly strapped into my harness & ring gag while she adorned herself with stockings, suspenders, whips & nipple clamps. So ensued many hours of extreme hardcore romping in the study with straps, hogties, bondage mittens and cuffs, after which we manoeuvred out to the kitchen were we utilised many of the utensils therein for our mutual pleasure, after several further hours in the pantry, the cheese grater became somewhat tiresome & she lead me out to the entrance hall & using my spreader bar, tied me to the Pembroke table & proceeded to punish me with the nail paddle for not whimpering in quite the correct manner.
That's when I must of blacked out for a while, as the last thing I remember beforehand, was her leaning over me with a roll of P40 sandpaper in her mouth, she maintains she'd never before witnessed anyone climaxing quite so intensely or severely, I had apparently bolted straight forward, arched back & somersaulted clean over her head with the Pembroke table still attached to my ankles, resulting in my total disordination & crash landing right onto my wife's recently refurbished Louis XVI chaise lounge, of which one of the rear mahogany legs snapped clean off in the debacle!

So BM, can you recommend a suitable glue which would be strong enough to repair the mahogany leg?

My wife is due back from Cannes next Tuesday.

BF.

If you want your chair leg to stick, a good windscreen adhesive is your only man.

If you want your marriage to stick, quit telling fairystories.:)