The Flatmate Charter

zoobizoo

I see a new post on here and in Personal Issues regarding a flatmate having their partner over nearly all the time - and then how to approach the problem.

Having lived in many houseshares I was always surprised that we never agreed to basic rules when moving in.

This was mainly because no one wanted to appear a stick in the mud / lawmaker / house parent.

What would have stopped a lot of the problems that arose would have been a charter agreed upon with housemates when moving in which could be referred to if issues arose rather than a lot of pussyfooting around

Starting with

1. My partner will not stay over more than three nights of any given week unless there are extraordinary circumstances and I will check that with my housemates beforehand.

2. I won't finish someone else's milk

3. If I borrow food, I will inform the owner and I'll replace it within 24 hours unless

Would that work?

Saipanne

4. I'll open my eyes and notice the dirt sometimes

Potatoeman

zoobizoo wrote: »

1. My partner will not stay over more than three nights of any given week unless there are extraordinary circumstances and I will check that with my housemates beforehand.

I think if they have a guest over three nights then they should be gone three nights too.

Mrs OBumble

If I finish the 2nd-to-last roll of toilet paper, I will buy some more.

Saipanne

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

If I finish the 2nd-to-last roll of toilet paper, I will buy some more.

I just take the last full one into my room. It forces them into action.

Seriously, why can't people buy essentials like bin bags, toilet paper, dishwasher tablets.

Where do they think this stuff comes from?

zoobizoo

Saipanne wrote: »

Seriously, why can't people buy essentials like bin bags, toilet paper, dishwasher tablets.

Friend of mine asked an old housemate of hers to go buy toilet paper.....

He wouldn't because he said that he didn't use toilet paper!!

Saipanne

zoobizoo wrote: »

Friend of mine asked an old housemate of hers to go buy toilet paper.....

He wouldn't because he said that he didn't use toilet paper!!

Grand, I'll keep it in my room, poo pants...

Butters1979

zoobizoo wrote: »

Friend of mine asked an old housemate of hers to go buy toilet paper.....

He wouldn't because he said that he didn't use toilet paper!!

:eek:

salamanca22

I would think 3 nights a week would be excessive having a guest over. I would find 2 nights a lot more agreeable, and that is coming from someone who would have a guest over regularly when I was in a house share.

Ken.

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

If I finish the 2nd-to-last roll of toilet paper, I will buy some more.

May I steal this and use it on the wife.

wyndham

zoobizoo wrote: »

Friend of mine asked an old housemate of hers to go buy toilet paper.....

He wouldn't because he said that he didn't use toilet paper!!

Toilet Paper Fun Fact-

About four billion people don't use toilet paper. About 70% - 75 % of the world’s population does not use toilet paper.

Some of them have moved to Ireland.

moc moc a moc

Don't eat/drink the last one of anything if it isn't yours. This goes double triple quadruple for beer! :mad:

Kraft.l

Don't touch my glasses, they're mine

cerastes

zoobizoo wrote: »

I see a new post on here and in Personal Issues regarding a flatmate having their partner over nearly all the time - and then how to approach the problem.

Having lived in many houseshares I was always surprised that we never agreed to basic rules when moving in.

This was mainly because no one wanted to appear a stick in the mud / lawmaker / house parent.

What would have stopped a lot of the problems that arose would have been a charter agreed upon with housemates when moving in which could be referred to if issues arose rather than a lot of pussyfooting around

Starting with

1. My partner will not stay over more than three nights of any given week unless there are extraordinary circumstances and I will check that with my housemates beforehand.

2. I won't finish someone else's milk

3. If I borrow food, I will inform the owner and I'll replace it within 24 hours unless

Would that work?

Buy your own food, don't start, finish or borrow someone else's food or anything else without asking, if you need to ask to borrow something it means you haven't the foresight to organise and buy it yourself which means lazy and cheap in my book.

3 nights is excessive for having guests, 2 max and only when they stay out of the way.

zoobizoo

wyndham wrote: »

Toilet Paper Fun Fact-



Some of them have moved to Ireland.

Oh I know, didn't I have a pig toilet myself living on a beach in Goa for six months.

This guy was Irish and it was the early 90s.

King George VI

No loud sex/music/noise in general after 9pm on weekdays. People have work in the morning. It's reasonably acceptable on a weekend but don't overdo it.

Knasher

wyndham wrote: »

Toilet Paper Fun Fact-

About four billion people don't use toilet paper. About 70% - 75 % of the world’s population does not use toilet paper.

Some of them have moved to Ireland.

Well if you live in a warm country, and the water supply is also quite warm, then it is probably the better option anyway. One winter of icy cold water here, and I'd say most people would see the merits of using toilet paper.

Knasher

zoobizoo wrote: »

This was mainly because no one wanted to appear a stick in the mud / lawmaker / house parent.

What would have stopped a lot of the problems that arose would have been a charter agreed upon with housemates when moving in which could be referred to if issues arose rather than a lot of pussyfooting around

Would that work?

I don't think so, I mean it explicitly casts you in the role of lawmaker, to try and impose it in the first place. And if you aren't assertive enough to resolve issues without it, then chances are you are just going to be an unassertive person holding a piece of paper.

Frynge

Me talking to a housemate

8 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the george forman after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer uses george forman

6 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the grill after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer grills food

4 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the hob after frying.
Him; ok.

He no longer frys food and I'm scared to say anything about cleaning the microware incase he starves.

salamanca22

Frynge wrote: »

Me talking to a housemate

8 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the george forman after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer uses george forman

6 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the grill after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer grills food

4 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the hob after frying.
Him; ok.

He no longer frys food and I'm scared to say anything about cleaning the microware incase he starves.

Maybe he is just doing an incredible job of cleaning them that you never notice he used them :P

Frynge

salamanca22 wrote: »

Maybe he is just doing an incredible job of cleaning them that you never notice he used them :P

No. I have been at home all day for the last 3 weeks studying for exams and all he eats is microwave dinners or takeaway.

Saipanne

Frynge wrote: »

Me talking to a housemate

8 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the george forman after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer uses george forman

6 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the grill after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer grills food

4 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the hob after frying.
Him; ok.

He no longer frys food and I'm scared to say anything about cleaning the microware incase he starves.

Lots of Peter Pans out there. I blame their parents.

Eric Cartman

if your not going to be sound and become my mate and drink with housemates and have dinner together and craic , don't move in with people. Go live on your own. 'mates' is an essential part of housemates.

Mrs OBumble

Frynge wrote: »

He no longer frys food and I'm scared to say anything about cleaning the microware incase he starves.

Classic.

He probably has no idea how to clean them!

Black_Knight

Don't use my butter and then replace it with spread. They're not the same!

Johnny Carson

Johnny Carson wrote: »

No loud sex/music/noise in general after 9pm on weekdays. People have work in the morning. It's reasonably acceptable on a weekend but don't overdo it.

9pm is unreasonable I'm often only cooking dinner at that time, 11pm would be a more standard time to expect people to start keeping it down.

Eric Cartman wrote: »

if your not going to be sound and become my mate and drink with housemates and have dinner together and craic , don't move in with people. Go live on your own. 'mates' is an essential part of housemates.

To be fair the above type of houseshare wouldn't be for me, in fact id be the opposite. I really don't want to be hanging out with housemates at all and I much prefer (which has been the case in the places I've lived) where people give each other space and don't eat together, cook together or even watch tv's together etc much. I'm not trying to make new friends when I move into a houseshare and really the more time I've to myself around the house the better.

Only reason I'm sticking out housesharing at the minute is I basically don't cross paths with my housemates much at all. One of them I interact with once a month about when sorting bills the other once or twice a week we might have a short chat.

Obviously it's totally different if you actually moved in with friends.

Michael D Not Higgins

One thing that helped me before, a Google docs spreadsheet for any shared expenses. Separate tabs for each housemate, detailing date of bill/expense, description and amount. Someone pays for the takeaway, onto the sheet, ESB, onto the sheet, TV licence, oh you better believe that goes on the sheet. Just because I own the TV doesn't mean you don't watch it too.

A quick formula can work out the total, divide by the number of housemates and subtract their expenses. Quick and easy totals for who owes what to whom.

zoobizoo

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

To be fair the above type of houseshare wouldn't be for me, in fact id be the opposite. I really don't want to be hanging out with housemates .

I found that in some house shares I became good friends with housemates I hadn't known before moving in...

The worst house shares were the ones where I couldn't build rapport with a housemate - not that I was trying to be their new best friend but just trying to have a chat....

(When I say worst, that excludes the nutjobs, the crazies and the weirdos)

foggy_lad

Saipanne wrote: »

I just take the last full one into my room. It forces them into action.

Seriously, why can't people buy essentials like bin bags, toilet paper, dishwasher tablets.

Where do they think this stuff comes from?

Mammy.

Some people are just in house shares because Mammy/Daddy got so fed up with their scrounging and laziness they turfed them out of the house and they have no domestic skills at all!

When growing up we had to wash our own clothes from the age of about 12 and also had to wash dishes daily and clean all the house once a week, I couldn't understand how many of my friends not only wouldn't help clear away and wash dishes but also how many of their mothers found the idea of their son having to do anything in the house abhorrent. Daughters were expected to do the good housekeeper routine though.

Tarzana2

Eric Cartman wrote: »

if your not going to be sound and become my mate and drink with housemates and have dinner together and craic , don't move in with people. Go live on your own. 'mates' is an essential part of housemates.

What? This happens in hardly any houseshares.

Mrs OBumble

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

To be fair the above type of houseshare wouldn't be for me, in fact id be the opposite.

To be fair, you wouldn't last 5 minutes in a houseshare interview with me.

That doesn't make either of us right or wrong, we've just different approaches to it and are best off not trying to houseshare in the same place.

I'd agree with Eric that you're be better off living on your own or - as we've established you live in thru other threads - a houseshare that is run more like a boarding house with shared kitchen.

Personally I don't think that a person can ever have too many friends, and I'd be open to meeting them anywhere that they appear, including houseshares.

Tarzana2

I have made friends with housemates but it's not something that can be forced and it's much more common to not be friends with housemates in my extensive experience. What would you even ask on the subject in a housemate interview: "Will you participate in activities with housemates?". That would send most potential housemates running for the hills. IME housemates who want to be everyone's chum often tend towards headwrecker.

keane2097

Nothing worst than a housemate who slinks around the place like a ghost, standing awkwardly around the kitchen not saying a word while they microwave their dinner, or worse again sitting in the corner of the sitting room not acknowledging you when you enter.

Ugh, people are so weird and antisocial these days.

Potatoeman

Frynge wrote: »

Me talking to a housemate

8 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the george forman after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer uses george forman

6 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the grill after using it.
Him; ok.

No longer grills food

4 weeks ago
Me; can you clean the hob after frying.
Him; ok.

He no longer frys food and I'm scared to say anything about cleaning the microware incase he starves.

You don't need to clean the grill if you use tinfoil on the tray.

john the one

One of the guys who I lived with was a bin man whom I didn't really like. one day he wasn't around so I put on his costume and took the bin from the kitchen to the wheelie bin.

Is this gross misconduct?

backspacer

john the one wrote: »

One of the guys who I lived with was a bin man whom I didn't really like. one day he wasn't around so I put on his costume and took the bin from the kitchen to the wheelie bin.

Is this gross misconduct?

...

Potatoeman

foggy_lad wrote: »

Mammy.

Some people are just in house shares because Mammy/Daddy got so fed up with their scrounging and laziness they turfed them out of the house and they have no domestic skills at all!

When growing up we had to wash our own clothes from the age of about 12 and also had to wash dishes daily and clean all the house once a week, I couldn't understand how many of my friends not only wouldn't help clear away and wash dishes but also how many of their mothers found the idea of their son having to do anything in the house abhorrent. Daughters were expected to do the good housekeeper routine though.

It's not just sons, many daughters don't do anything at home either. The amount of people that can't cook is shocking.

From sharing with women one thing that they never do is unclog the drain. Short hair doesn't get caught in the drain.

Tarzana2

keane2097 wrote: »

Nothing worst than a housemate who slinks around the place like a ghost, standing awkwardly around the kitchen not saying a word while they microwave their dinner, or worse again sitting in the corner of the sitting room not acknowledging you when you enter.

Ugh, people are so weird and antisocial these days.

You know there's a middle ground, right? Man, people on this site are binary.

keane2097

keane2097 wrote: »

Nothing worst than a housemate who slinks around the place like a ghost, standing awkwardly around the kitchen not saying a word while they microwave their dinner, or worse again sitting in the corner of the sitting room not acknowledging you when you enter.

Ugh, people are so weird and antisocial these days.

The ideal housemate is one that either spends all their time in their room or spends most of their time out of the house.

In my current place I've been lucky to hit on one of each at the same time. One only leaves his room to cook, even eats in the room a lot of the time and the other is either gone or his his room. Ok I still have to put up with the mess they leave but I have the living room to myself every evening and all weekend and almost always have the kitchen to myself (especially if I wait until one of the others is finished).

I would have to bite the bullet and rent alone (despite the crazy cost nowadays) if I was having to share communal areas etc and hang out with my housemates all the time, share the tv (in particular) etc etc.

Eric Cartman

Tarzana2 wrote: »

What? This happens in hardly any houseshares.

Ive lived in 4 house shares and with a total of about 15 people, the majority of them I didn't know at all, or didn't know well and we became quite good mates, and it was always the same, drinks together, invite each others friends to parties, become somewhat part of each others lives. I don't know how anyone could get on in a house where everyone isn't social with each other.

Tarzana2

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Ive lived in 4 house shares and with a total of about 15 people, the majority of them I didn't know at all, or didn't know well and we became quite good mates, and it was always the same, drinks together, invite each others friends to parties, become somewhat part of each others lives. I don't know how anyone could get on in a house where everyone isn't social with each other.

I've been in 8 houseshares, and in most of them, housemates were just housemates and not friends. I've a handful of friends from my housesharing years and that's all. It's not as black and white as "be mates or don't talk". It's very easy to be on good terms with housemates and not be friends unless you're a complete social cripple.

Jamsiek

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

The ideal housemate is one that either spends all their time in their room or spends most of their time out of the house.

In my current place I've been lucky to hit on one of each at the same time. One only leaves his room to cook, even eats in the room a lot of the time and the other is either gone or his his room. Ok I still have to put up with the mess they leave but I have the living room to myself every evening and all weekend and almost always have the kitchen to myself (especially if I wait until one of the others is finished).

I would have to bite the bullet and rent alone (despite the crazy cost nowadays) if I was having to share communal areas etc and hang out with my housemates all the time, share the tv (in particular) etc etc.

Why would you not want to be friends with your housemates? I don't get that
I have met great people over the years that way.
You can never have too many friends.

Tarzana2

Jamsiek wrote: »

You can never have too many friends.

Ah you can. :pac: There's a critical point where you have too many friends to be able to keep up all the friendships.

Jamsiek

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Ah you can. :pac: There's a critical point where you have too many friends to be able to keep up all the friendships.

That's what facebook is for

Lux23

Don't leave you clothes wet in the washing machine, this means don't put on a wash before work unless you're going to come home half way through the day and empty it.

Lux23

Tarzana2 wrote: »

What? This happens in hardly any houseshares.

Most houseshares I lived in were like this, I normally end up having my social life around the people I live with. I live with my boyfriend now so I do miss this.

Tarzana2

Lux23 wrote: »

Most houseshares I lived in were like this, I normally end up having my social life around the people I live with. I live with my boyfriend now so I do miss this.

I think what we need to take away then is that for many, an expectation of friendship from housemates is the norm and for many, it isn't!

intheclouds

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

Ok I still have to put up with the mess they leave but I have the living room to myself every evening and all weekend and almost always have the kitchen to myself (especially if I wait until one of the others is finished).

Theyre probably posting here saying they can never use the living room or kitchen cos one housemate monopolises it

intheclouds

intheclouds wrote: »

Theyre probably posting here saying they can never use the living room or kitchen cos one housemate monopolises it

They never even attempt to use the living room, are never in it when I come back for being out, come home from work (I'm almost always later home than both) or if they are up earlier than me on a saturday etc.

The kitchen I use for no longer than anyone else we just take turns really, if someone is using it I just wait till they are finished to go in and vice versa most of the time.

I have no interest in socialising or otherwise with housemates either which a few have mentioned, when I come in from work in the evening I am glad I can have piece and quiet and watch what I want and I have plenty of friends who I socialise with and prefer to keep housemates as people I see little of and when I do discuss the weather or some topical thing in the news and no more. Some people like to keep work and social life separate, whereas one of my main group of friends are people I work with while on the other hand I like to keep housemates at arms length.

Its just a different way of doing things driven mostly by the fact I really hate housesharing and would much rather be living alone but I cant bring myself to pay the crazy rent prices at the moment and I'm not in a position to buy just yet.

Lux23

Tarzana2 wrote: »

I think what we need to take away then is that for many, an expectation of friendship from housemates is the norm and for many, it isn't!

I always go into any situation with the idea that I may make a new friend in the back of my head, I don't understand people who say they have enough friends. You never know when that may change.

Jamsiek

Bodie Careful Quest wrote: »

I have no interest in socialising or otherwise with housemates either which a few have mentioned

What if they were your friends?
Did you ever have a house party in your place?
Your house situation sounds like a nightmare, I would stay out of it as much as possible if I had to live with people I didn't like.

Many of the people I lived with were like family to me.
We went out all the time, had barbeques out the back, house parties, you name it!

I feel sorry for people that never experienced this