Being "fit"

Hercules99

In my opinion being "fit" is overrated in terms of attracting the opposite sex. A few years ago I started going to the gym with my friends. Over time, this became a habit so much so that I rarely go 2 or 3 days without some exercising be it the gym or running or whatever. Absolutely fit as a flea. And that's functionally fit more so than beach body fit. But still.

Anyway, my whole goal at the start of this was to increase my chances at meeting a girl or two. Yet it's done little in that regard. I can only conclude if you're a man, being a good talker, communicator, charmer, call it what you like is much more beneficial in this regard than being "fit". Of course there are other health benefits and what nots. But that's not my point. And of course a combination of the two won't go astray.

Anyway the point I'm really trying to make is that in hindsight, I was probably as well off practice my social skills for the last couple of years. I'd have improved a different area of my life I am weak in and more than likely had better success in finding a potential partner. For example, there's this girl who simply adorns the gym I go to, really attractive. I know of her through friends and she would know of me through the same friends. Anyway I simply haven't a clue how to start a conversation with her. This is extremely frustrating and kind of highlights my whole naivety in thinking that improving my physique or fitness or whatever would increase my chances of meeting a girl I like. Hopefully my post makes sense. Maybe it's only me who would think this?

tomwaterford

Try saying hello?







After that your on your own :P

riffmongous

I think you are really fit, you're fit but my gosh don't you know it

Wabbit Ears

Being fit helps but its only one aspect of a person. Also, getting fitter should help boost your confidence.

Hi, My name is... Is usually the easiest way of starting a conversation.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Don't think being fit and being able to have a conversation are mutually excusive.

Cookie_Monster

Hercules99 wrote: »

Anyway I simply haven't a clue how to start a conversation with her.

simply walk up to her in the gym once she's finished a set of weights and ask

"do you even lift, bro?"

Standard how to talk to someone at the gym intro.

AlmightyCushion

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Hi, My name is...

Chika chika slim shady.

MDwyer

being fit isnt much use if your as dull as a door knob

Sam Kade

You could be the ugliest b@stard under the sun but if you could charm the ladies, you'll be fighting them off.

Jim Bob Scratcher

Sam Kade wrote: »

You could be the ugliest b@stard under the sun but if you could charm the ladies, you'll be fighting them off.

Only if you are a rich ugly bastard.

MDwyer

MDwyer wrote: »

being fit isnt much use if your a dull as a door knob

I was so looking forward to your advice but part of it seems to have been cut out.

If your what is as dull as a door knob?

MDwyer

actually to add to my above post going on about how fit you are is one a lot of lads seem to think is great. i have a friend whos gyming a lot lately and every time he calls he tells me what weight hes lost how much body fat he now has and every little detail.

fair play for doing good work but its so boring and annoying to listen to i find myself kinda avoiding him the odd time cause you cant talk about something else without him steering it back to so i was doing this new excersise or something

tomwaterford

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I was so looking forward to your advice but part of it seems to have been cut out.

If your what is as dull as a door knob?

Personality??

SEPT 23 1989

Feel sorry for young lads today only the odd freak years ago lifted weights and constantly stared in the mirror combing their hair

BlibBlab

Doing well with women is 90% confidence

Hercules99

Hercules99 wrote: »

In my opinion being "fit" is overrated in terms of attracting the opposite sex.

In my opinion focusing on a single trait and presuming it will get you a mate is overrated.

Hercules99 wrote: »

Anyway, my whole goal at the start of this was to increase my chances at meeting a girl or two.

That might have been your failing. You sound like you focused on a life path in terms of finding women - rather than just focusing on the life paths that make you you. People can sense an agenda a mile off you know. Perhaps you should drop the agendas and seek different goals?

Hercules99 wrote: »

if you're a man, being a good talker, communicator, charmer, call it what you like is much more beneficial in this regard than being "fit".

My experience - directly and vicariously - has been that the best benefit comes from just being yourself. And drop forever the focus on things you think you are bad at - that you think other people have that you do not. Be it muscles or a gift of the gab mouth.

Time and time again in my experience - what people appreciate is you just being you. Without the charade of seeking goals that you think will make people like you.

And the good thing about this is when you get a "success" from it - it simply feels better. Because no matter how much you pretend to be someone you are not to get "the score" - actually getting "the score" feels inordinately better when you get it for being who YOU are - than working towards what you think other people want.

Hercules99 wrote: »

I was probably as well off practice my social skills for the last couple of years. I'd have improved a different area of my life I am weak in and more than likely had better success in finding a potential partner.

How about forgetting what you think you are strong and weak at - and forgetting about he goal of finding a "partner" - and instead focus solely on being who YOU are. Find your own path - and you will find that relationships and friendships become events along your life path - rather than being the destinations of those paths.

Hercules99 wrote: »

Anyway I simply haven't a clue how to start a conversation with her.

I am a stranger to you - and not of the sex that you are attracted to - how would you start a conversation with ME if you found yourself sitting within range?

The Backwards Man

I don't go the gym, I don't run unless I have to, hell I don't even lift, but I have that much charm I went to Calcutta once and all the cobras threw themselves in the Ganges.

And before you say it, everyone has charm, you just gotta learn how to use it.

ThinkProgress

Deleted User wrote: »

In my opinion focusing on a single trait and presuming it will get you a mate is overrated.



That might have been your failing. You sound like you focused on a life path in terms of finding women - rather than just focusing on the life paths that make you you. People can sense an agenda a mile off you know. Perhaps you should drop the agendas and seek different goals?



My experience - directly and vicariously - has been that the best benefit comes from just being yourself. And drop forever the focus on things you think you are bad at - that you think other people have that you do not. Be it muscles or a gift of the gab mouth.

Time and time again in my experience - what people appreciate is you just being you. Without the charade of seeking goals that you think will make people like you.

And the good thing about this is when you get a "success" from it - it simply feels better. Because no matter how much you pretend to be someone you are not to get "the score" - actually getting "the score" feels inordinately better when you get it for being who YOU are - than working towards what you think other people want.



How about forgetting what you think you are strong and weak at - and forgetting about he goal of finding a "partner" - and instead focus solely on being who YOU are. Find your own path - and you will find that relationships and friendships become events along your life path - rather than being the destinations of those paths.



I am a stranger to you - and not of the sex that you are attracted to - how would you start a conversation with ME if you found yourself sitting within range?

Wise words.

@OP - Live an interesting life, and then others will find you interesting. (and hopefully attractive too)

Summer wind

What you should do is get a nice song like Mr Loverman by the great Shabba Ranks on the speakers. Send a nice carrot juice over to the lovely lady and when she looks your way lick your lips slowly and sexily. No talking necessary. Let your fit bod do that for you. Then sit back and wait for the magic to happen.

ThinkProgress

@summer wind - Have to ask, why carrot juice? lol

the evasion_kid

i used to be built like a chipstick,then i got into lifting weights,i was living like a monk for a while,a weightlifting monk,and built an impressive figure,definitely get more attention but im too busy looking at my reflection and flexing to notice half the time..

josip

ThinkProgress

ThinkProgress wrote: »

Wise words.

@OP - Live an interesting life, and then others will find you interesting. (and hopefully attractive too)

A nice summation of my post I wish I was able to be as short as you with my words. I do tend to go on a bit

But I would also say that the life you live has to be interesting _TO YOU_. I am an anecdote of one of course - but this key point has really ingrained itself in me. We all want to be interesting to others - but I genuinely thing that the first port of call is to live a life that interests you yourself.

And I worry about those that try to live a life that will be interesting to others. I hope it works out for them too. But I do not think they are - _in general_ - on the right path.

Skoop

No point in looking like an adonis if you can't talk to someone without freaking the fvck out and making a mess of it, but equally, no point being a slick ass conversational wizard if you look like 71 kilos of rotten tomatoes stored in a burlap sack and left to ferment.

The Backwards Man

Skoop wrote: »

No point in looking like an adonis if you can't talk to someone without freaking the fvck out and making a mess of it, but equally, no point being a slick ass conversational wizard if you look like 71 kilos of rotten tomatoes stored in a burlap sack to ferment.

It's illegal to chat to people now is it? Grades are for eggs and American schoolkids.

Skoop

The Backwards Man wrote: »

It's illegal to chat to people now is it? Grades are for eggs and American schoolkids.

Yes. It is illegal to chat to people now is it. You totally got what I was saying. Eggs. Grades. That whole egg grading thing.

That's a little unfair. Granted he did not make his point linguistically well - but I see where he is coming from. He is lamenting trying to improve yourself to a single extreme at the expense of being human in any other way. And this is genuinely a problem for many people. They focus on one area of their life that they think is going to "make it" for them. And they do so at the expense of other parts of their life.

Eugene Norman

Ah that's where I'm going wrong. I'm charmless.

Thanks, de Internet. I'll work on that.

MDwyer

Eugene Norman wrote: »

Ah that's where I'm going wrong. I'm charmless.

Thanks, de Internet. I'll work on that.

im sure your lovely eugene :P

ThinkProgress

Deleted User wrote: »

A nice summation of my post I wish I was able to be as short as you with my words. I do tend to go on a bit

But I would also say that the life you live has to be interesting _TO YOU_. I am an anecdote of one of course - but this key point has really ingrained itself in me. We all want to be interesting to others - but I genuinely thing that the first port of call is to live a life that interests you yourself.

And I worry about those that try to live a life that will be interesting to others. I hope it works out for them too. But I do not think they are - _in general_ - on the right path.

Yeah I agree.

There is always something very attractive and magnetic about someone who is living THEIR dream. (or even just chasing it)

So much of our personality and charisma comes from the life we lead and the experiences we have.

Nermal

DYEL OP?

ThinkProgress

ThinkProgress wrote: »

There is always something very attractive and magnetic about someone who is living THEIR dream. (or even just chasing it)

And you can TELL cant you? When someone is really talking passionately about their niche in life - compared to someone who is just standing there saying "Here is how well I have just done in what people expected of me....."

This is why complete nerds like the "vlog brothers" are so successful. It really is all about standing up and just being invested in who YOU are. If you can master that - then for the most part it works*

* clearly if you think the moon landings are fake - that our elite have been taken over by lizards in human clothing - elvis is still alive - or the positions of planets that are not even planets any more (pluto) - then being over invested in who you are is not going to work for you

cassid

Maybe join in the classes in the gym and just make small talk to any women, just to build up a bit of confidence. I used to be very shy but over the years lost that and would talk to anyone anywhere now, much to the bewilderment of my children when out and about.

I see groups doing runs together in the park etc maybe try one of those groups.

I met my husband in a gym venue, he just made me laugh from day one, still does 15 years later, there are some great jokes on one of the AH thread here.

Summer wind

ThinkProgress wrote: »

@summer wind - Have to ask, why carrot juice? lol

Well this lovely lady is a big fan of the gym. I don't think she would be interested in drinking an alcoholic beverage with lots of empty calories. Imagine all the extra squats and lunges that would have to be performed at the next session. A hot bod is a lot of work.

RWCNT

BlibBlab wrote: »

Doing well with women is 90% confidence

I think the same could be said for success in many aspects of life. I think exercising is good for people in a lot of the same ways most hobbies are - its an activity where you can work off any stress you have built up to help you improve your general outlook and it can be aa shared interest that you can bond with others over.

I think becoming a generally happier, more relaxed person with some areas of interest to talk about is surely bound to help anyone's confidence and chances of getting the leg over.

The Golden Miller

Ye this gym nonsense is getting ridiculous. It seems that all "the lads" have "gaz" from geordie shore as their idol or something. Clowns going around in tight pink t-shirts showing off their "gym bod" with an ugly tattoo sleeve on their arm and tight jeans or some other such nonsense and thinking they are some sort of fashionista. It seems socially acceptable for "the lads" to be a complete metrosexual bellends in Ireland these days. This type of airhead "lad", although growing in serious numbers, still looks like an absolute cretin

If your keeping fit to impress the opposite sex, you won't be going far. Get a few cans into you, head to the smoking area and start talking gibberish. Start off with an outrageous lie and your normally in. You have their attention and then a topic of conversation when you tell them it was a lie and they will probably laugh and you can start a normal conversation from there. If it doesn't work, drink more and repeat. Obviously you gotta do it with a bit of confidence and throw in a few sly digs and slag them a bit at some point. It will get a rise out of them but they like it and makes things more interesting

ThinkProgress

Deleted User wrote: »

And you can TELL cant you? When someone is really talking passionately about their niche in life - compared to someone who is just standing there saying "Here is how well I have just done in what people expected of me....."

This is why complete nerds like the "vlog brothers" are so successful. It really is all about standing up and just being invested in who YOU are. If you can master that - then for the most part it works*

* clearly if you think the moon landings are fake - that our elite have been taken over by lizards in human clothing - elvis is still alive - or the positions of planets that are not even planets any more (pluto) - then being over invested in who you are is not going to work for you

Yeah exactly. Their passion shines through and they seem a bit more "alive" than the average joe.

Self improvement is not selfish. It might start off that way... but eventually when you've got your sh*t together, you will become a far more valuable person to the people around you than if you just "did what was expected" (as you say).

ThinkProgress

ThinkProgress wrote: »

Self improvement is not selfish.

But to go full circle on the thread - I have to repeat - it depends on who you are "doin it for".

The only advice I will ever give anyone pursuing a goal is not even advice at all. It is just a question. "Are you doing this for you - or are you doing this cos u tink it mite get u laid sun "

The Golden Miller

The Golden Miller wrote: »

Ye this gym nonsense is getting ridiculous. It seems that all "the lads" have "gaz" from geordie shore as their idol or something. Clowns going around in tight pink t-shirts showing off their "gym bod" with an ugly tattoo sleeve on their arm and tight jeans or some other such nonsense and thinking they are some sort of fashionista. It seems socially acceptable for "the lads" to be a complete metrosexual bellends in Ireland these days. This type of airhead "lad", although growing in serious numbers, still looks like an absolute cretin

If your keeping fit to impress the opposite sex, you won't be going far. Get a few cans into you, head to the smoking area and start talking gibberish. Start off with an outrageous lie and your normally in. You have their attention and then a topic of conversation when you tell them it was a lie and they will probably laugh and you can start a normal conversation from there. If it doesn't work, drink more and repeat. Obviously you gotta do it with a bit of confidence and throw in a few sly digs and slag them a bit at some point. It will get a rise out of them but they like it and makes things more interesting

What a rant!

I would love to know where he is going out. Because despite the "serious numbers" I can not recall seeing even one person who fits this description.

mfceiling

[Deleted User] wrote: »

What a rant!

But you're a lady and you responded to it so he's clearly got you in his sights!!

I didn't see you responding to any of the quiff haired, tight vested, skinny jeaned, sleeve tattooed posters here so I think we can safely say that Whoops loves a bit of the old old fashioned irish man's charm!!

sbsquarepants

Skoop wrote: »

No point in looking like an adonis if you can't talk to someone without freaking the fvck out and making a mess of it, but equally, no point being a slick ass conversational wizard if you look like 71 kilos of rotten tomatoes stored in a burlap sack and left to ferment.

Speaking as someone who used to regularly go womanising with 2 people who basically fit those descriptions - I can attest from personal experience that tomato man pulled women quite a bit more often than Adonis, id say maybe 3:1 in fact. Statistics innit:D

Then again, tomato man would fúck anything that moved, Adonis had higher standards. In short alls I know, is that I haven't a clue what "gets" women - those creatures be bat shít crazy, no man can understand their "logic" But chiselling your abs, while it may provide some other benefits probably aint going to help all that much.

mfceiling

mfceiling wrote: »

But you're a lady and you responded to it so he's clearly got you in his sights!!

I didn't see you responding to any of the quiff haired, tight vested, skinny jeaned, sleeve tattooed posters here so I think we can safely say that Whoops loves a bit of the old old fashioned irish man's charm!!

You're right - my men's quads wouldn't fit into skinny jeans

Jon Stark

BlibBlab wrote: »

Doing well with women is 90% confidence

Confidence will get you a long way but 90% is overstretching I think.

You just have to be in the best place you can be. When I've been in that place, I've been going to the gym. I've also had my vices that hinder me under control. I'm not distracted in anyway and feel good about myself, which opens my mind into being able to focus on someone else.

But it all means nothing if I've been neglecting what makes me feel good (exercising) and overdoing the negative. That's just me personally, what makes other people feel good wouldn't be exercise.

I'm sorry folks but I have to state the obvious, what first attracts you to somebody, for me it's face and form. even in work when we first meet the new guy! or girl, we weight them up in terms of "would I" factor, based on physical attractiveness, eyes, hair, bum, boobs, teeth, facial symmetry, we are programmed each individually to be caught off guard by something in there for us, we call "it je ne sais quoi" maybe.consider maybe the poster is like most of us, not something that walked off a magazine shoot and so feels they're struggling, well I say, we all struggle at some points but you cannot expect to bench press your way through it or do a marathon and think they'll just come a runnin!!! hang your balls out there maybe as they say, just be yourself. ask yourself this, would you really last with somebody who said yes to you based on some ideal you think is what they find attractive?? what happens when you get bored?I know loads of guys and girls who spend ages in the gym and are simply not attractive to begin with, I'm not saying ugly, I'm saying physically they were not as attractive as they might have thought. now they're the same but with bigger muscles or lower bodyfat which actually ends up making it worse, they ask themselves, as the poster does (wait a minute, but I'm fit??? isn't this the formulae????) and it's not... you're now compensating instead of exploiting your strong suits..this girl in the gym may not fancy you, so don't fixate on her, if she did, chances are you'd know and also if so, you'd have to smile at her and trust me, you'd know!! women know how to respond accordingly when they like someone, just ask any girl poster here, they're not an alien race or anything.and one more thing, while i'm up on this high horse. It's not the be all end all to meet a mate, I would never make it a one life goal. some people do and settle with assholes!! I'd rather be a bin man, living in a bed sit, reading by lamp light and having the occasional hooker over (long as it's consensual) than settle for the sake of societal norms!

ThinkProgress

@rusty cole - Paragraphs god damn-it.. !!

Going by your written word, I'd say you must be one of those motor mouths in Rl, that doesn't stop to breath much when talking to the ladies!

Way too much analysis.

I'm still mystified why the OP felt he had to concentrate on body or personality but not both, or why acquiring social skills are seen as some way to lure women. It's like both are...projects.

It's a bit depressing.

dub_skav

BlibBlab wrote: »

Doing well with women is 90% confidence

90% confidence, 10% sense of humour and 10% intelligence

Menas

There is no one magic formula for attracting the opposite sex.
Its a complicted combination of looks, personality, charisma, sense of humour, wealth, fitness, age, dress sense and intellect IMO.

Some people want all of the above in a potential partner, some are happy with just a few. Thankfully I met somene who was looking for a few of the above!

dub_skav

Menas wrote: »

There is no one magic formula for attracting the opposite sex.
Its a complicted combination of looks, personality, charisma, sense of humour, wealth, fitness, age, dress sense and intellect IMO.

Some people want all of the above in a potential partner, some are happy with just a few. Thankfully I met somene who was looking for a few of the above!

So, you have an age and a dress sense?

Jelle1880

Deleted User wrote: »

I was so looking forward to your advice but part of it seems to have been cut out.

If your what is as dull as a door knob?

His door knob, obviously.