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I Cheated on my Wife

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    #182
    PressRun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭PressRun


    Thinking that guilt just magically disappears, with no lasting consequences, is a much more accurate example of seeing the world how you wish it would be rather than how it actually is.


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    #183
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Anyone who has not been in the situation of having a spouse cheat on you cannot truly understand the impact it has. Talking theoretically about the need for honesty in the absence of truly understanding the consequences is naive IMHO.

    My wife cheated, she had an affair going on for a number of months, I eventually uncovered the truth about 2 and 1/2 years ago, long story, not going into it now. We have two kids, we are still together, again I won't go into the details but it has been hell for a lot of the time. I will never look at her the same way. Once that trust is gone it's gone forever. My life will never be the same, you learn to deal with it but the reminders are there on a daily basis. Try watching TV for a few days without a constant reminder of extra-marital affairs!

    My advice to the OP depends on whether you truly wish to commit to the marriage so there's two scenarios in my opinion:

    1. If this truly was a once off and you wish to carry on with your wife and family then, suck up the guilt and deal with it. Do not dream of telling your wife. Delete that other woman's number and never contact her again. Telling your wife will devastate her in a way you can't comprehend. If you are committed to her from now on then she doesn't need to know. Given what I've been through over the past 2 and 1/2 years, if my wife had just made a "mistake" and slept with someone once I would prefer not to know. An affair is a different matter of course. Do not tell your wife just to "get it off your chest", that's selfish IMHO, right not you are the one suffering, if you tell her, you're just sharing that pain and releasing some of your own.

    2. If you think your marriage isn't going to make then you need to start making plans for that. Your wife deserves to know why you feel that and she should also know what you did. Again, it will devastate her but...these are the consequences.

    Before my situation I would never have been someone to advocate the "ignorance is bliss" option but having seen the other side of that I can tell you now it is preferable.

    I'd like to add that I think what the OP did was deplorable and I have zero sympathy for you, my advice for you is really an attempt to prevent your wife and kids suffering.


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