Alone this Christmas

Ok. I'm trying to plan ahead here .

Both my daughters live abroad and won't be home this Christmas. I have a big family but we are all spread out over the country . My younger sister has young kids and hubby. I ring her and text but the contact is always from me. We wouldn't be very close.

My older sister lives in Donegal with hubby and will have her grown up daughter, husband and grandchild for Christmas plus her adult son. I'm gonna miss my two girls so much this Christmas as I'm divorced and have no partner (and lost my middle daughter to cancer just after Christmas years ago so I find Cbristmas hard).

I'm active, sporty and upbeat but dread Christmas so much. I'm not sure I could get through the day with family who have all their kids at home and around them. I'm afraid it would make me miss my girls more.

Is there somewhere I could volunteer for the day or even half the day .... With other people .... Just so I could pass the day??

(I can't go to Vancouver where one daughter lives as I've been there this year already and can't afford another trip. My other daughter works for an airline and is rostered to work over Christmas)


Any ideas would be great !

Menas

Would you like to volunteer to come to our house and cook for us for the day?!

Seriously though, perhaps contact the simon community or one of the other homeless charities? They always need people but may try to get a longer term volunteering commitment from you.

Diamond Doll

Where in the country are you?

The Moldy Gowl

Get a bag o cans and light the fire and throw on babestation.
Few ham and cheese toasted sandwiches and your flying.


If your alone at Christmas, your probably alone the rest of the year? What's the problem with the other 11 months apart from the imaginary value you put on 1 day or 1 week.
It's only a day. Just like every other.

Ha ha .... Don't think babestation would do it for me!!

I'm in Louth.

I work and I volunteer but the group I'm with don't have anything happening at Christmas .

It's a cliche to say it's just like every other day. It isnt really .....it's the whole expectation .... Everyone asking what you're doing for Christmas.....all the build up, even now ! Christmas music and films .... Reminders of other Christmas days.

Of course the rest of their year can be lonely too but I cope and manage by keeping busy. I'm just talking about Christmas Day.

The Moldy Gowl

It's not a cliche to say it's like every day. It's a cliche to say it's some magical special day, you said it yourself, it's all based on expectations.
Who is giving you this expectation that this day is now some magical day. It's not. You can and have visited family during the year.
Do you get this sad in the summer time and get reminded of great summers gone past? Or valentines, or any other hyped up day? No. You just get on with it.


Just go volunteering and if you don't feel like you got worked up about a day for nothing I'll eat my crusty jocks.

NeverWaining

It's perfectly understandable as to how you feel OP. (When somebody tells you you're wrong to feel like you do you just stop listening to that person!)

I'm guessing Christmas Day is one of those days that a lot of people volunteer for different things so it might be good to get your name in somewhere soon.

Get in touch with the Simon Community and St Vincent dePaul and find out where within a reasonable travel limit they are doing Christmas Dinners and offer your services there. Alone usually have fun runs Christmas morning. Might put down a few hours for you too.

Gowlasauras Rex

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

It's not a cliche to say it's like every day. It's a cliche to say it's some magical special day, you said it yourself, it's all based on expectations.
Who is giving you this expectation that this day is now some magical day. It's not. You can and have visited family during the year.
Do you get this sad in the summer time and get reminded of great summers gone past? Or valentines, or any other hyped up day? No. You just get on with it.


Just go volunteering and if you don't feel like you got worked up about a day for nothing I'll eat my crusty jocks.

Yes I do feel sad in Summer too and other times (Valentine's Day is a bit cliched so I pass on that) . I miss birthdays and other special days now both my kids have emigrated. Believe me it's not just one day a year. I don't like bank holiday weekends .... It's not always possible to have someone to do things with . But I cope .

As I said before it's Christmas that's the hardest ......there is such a long build up to it too and so many times you're going to be asked "are you all set for Christmas". " what are you doing for the Christmas?" Etc etc

I will volunteer . Sorted :-)

lazybones32

@SMaggie:
You know yourself that you can only avoid so much of the hype and Q's about Xmas that come from others, so you'll have to shoulder that.
There are usually charity walks, runs or swims on Xmas morning, so scout around and see what's happening. Also, check to see what soup kitchens or charitable organisations need help/extra hands that day. Maybe there are dog shelters nearby that could do with some seasonal relief? Also, factor in some time to Skype your daughter in Canada.
There has to be a volunteering website that has adequate info.

Don't keep yourself so busy that you practically 'lose' a day of your life by avoiding some feeling. Sit with it for a while and don't try escape it.

Also, have a plan B in case Xmas day is so rotten (weather-wise) that it isn't safe to leave home unless necessary.

whiskeyman

if you plan to volunteer on Christmas Day, inquire now.
It's actually one of the busiest days for volunteer requests, and many charities have to turn people away.

conorhal

I know how you feel, I've done Christmas alone a couple of times. My folks live abroad and family is spread out around the country, but work commitments and on-call over Christmas tend to tie me to Dublin over the Christmas period and I don't feel comfortable mentioning it to friends least I get the 'sympathy invitation' that feels like I'm imposing (even though I probably wouldn't be with close friends, silly of me I know but I still just balk at the idea).
The first time I did it was actually quite nice, a zero pressure no fuss Christmas was a very enjoyable experience, but the second time, well that felt a little lonely.
Thankfully I’ve no work commitments this Christmas and get to spend it with family, but the volunteering idea sounds like a good one. You get out of yourself and the funk of a depressing Christmas alone and perhaps you might make some contacts and friends in a similar situation.
Alternatively, you wouldn't consider pulling a 'Shirley Valentine' and taking yourself off on a cheap package hol in the sun for the period?

kylith

I'm probably unusual in that I don't see why people make such a big deal about Christmas. I only have the 25th and 26th off so I'll have to get on a packed fecking bus on the 24th to head to my parents' house because 'you can't be alone at Christmas' even though I'm alone every other weekend of the year. I'd kind of like a Me Christmas: getting up at noon, spending all day in my jimjams, and eating ready meals, M&S mince pies, and packet custard.

allibastor

Hey Op,

sorry to hear about your daughter last Christmas, it is terrible to hear.

If you reach out to the ALONE charity, they have numerous elderly people who are just that, alone at Christmas and usually organize that either someone can go to them, or bring some people to a local center for dinner. I am sure they would be delighted with any help and time that could be spent to help out.

I hope it goes well for you, I feel for you!

Christmas is a difficult time of the year OP. It's a very loaded holiday. It's an occasion to be spent with family and being content and happy. Unfortunately that's not the case for many. Instead of reminding us of all we have it can remind us of all we have lost. Or never had in the first place.

I wish I could see it as just another day but I don't. So I tell myself that I'm not a fan of it and it's too commercial and it's really only for children. The truth is I wish I had the whole Christmas shebang going on. This will be the second Christmas since my lovely mam went in to a nursing home and the fifth since the dreaded alzheimers grabbed hold of her. We don't really have a Christmas anymore.

The only thing I can say to you OP is to make the day about you. Light the fire. Eat nice food. Wrap yourself up in fluffy blankets. Watch the films that you've been meaning to watch. Take a holiday from the world for that day.

Oink

I've had my share of Christmases spent by myself, some of them I was ok with, some of them I was lonely. There's no point telling someone "there's no reason to feel lonely at Christmas".

Anyway - back to helpful comments: I like the idea above about a dinner for old people. How about organizing a small dinner with 2-3 lonely old people? Something small enough to manage. You would make a huge difference !!

Hey .....such lovely messages and comments . Thanks. It's a comfort even knowing other people feel like this. I'm animal mad so can't take a Shirley Valentine and leave my dog and cats in kennels for Christmas but I might volunteer with the local one for the morning then come home and eat nice food, light the fire, open the Roses and watch movies!

asherbassad

Deleted User wrote: »

Ok. I'm trying to plan ahead here .

Both my daughters live abroad and won't be home this Christmas. I have a big family but we are all spread out over the country . My younger sister has young kids and hubby. I ring her and text but the contact is always from me. We wouldn't be very close.

My older sister lives in Donegal with hubby and will have her grown up daughter, husband and grandchild for Christmas plus her adult son. I'm gonna miss my two girls so much this Christmas as I'm divorced and have no partner (and lost my middle daughter to cancer just after Christmas years ago so I find Cbristmas hard).

I'm active, sporty and upbeat but dread Christmas so much. I'm not sure I could get through the day with family who have all their kids at home and around them. I'm afraid it would make me miss my girls more.

Is there somewhere I could volunteer for the day or even half the day .... With other people .... Just so I could pass the day??

(I can't go to Vancouver where one daughter lives as I've been there this year already and can't afford another trip. My other daughter works for an airline and is rostered to work over Christmas)


Any ideas would be great !

There's a lot of people/groups who do unorthodox things on Christmas Day. Those nutjob polar bear swimmers spring to mind. I'm not suggesting you togg off with them and jump into the frigid sea on Xmas day but there must be loads of other clubs of people who team up and do something on the day....hillwalking or some such thing, followed by mulled wine back at the ranch.

Why don't you go to www.meetup.com, sign up....you just need an email address nd then search all the groups, there's hundreds, from techno-nerds to basket weavers. Sure you'll find some group in there that tickles your fancy....or maybe several. Join up the groups and then start receiving emails about upcoming events, etc. Pretty damn sure some of the group might have a Christmas day get together for people who might be single or whose kids have flown the nest like in your case.

smash

I don't know if it's been mentioned already but if you're willing to make your way to Dublin there's a Christmas day swim at the forty foot, and another on Bray beach I think.

asherbassad

Deleted User wrote: »

Hey .....such lovely messages and comments . Thanks. It's a comfort even knowing other people feel like this. I'm animal mad so can't take a Shirley Valentine and leave my dog and cats in kennels for Christmas but I might volunteer with the local one for the morning then come home and eat nice food, light the fire, open the Roses and watch movies!

Also....you could punch off down to Galway for the day:

http://www.hotelmeyrick.ie/upload/docs/hotel-meyrick-christmas-brochure-2015.pdf

The Meyrick Hotel do a Christmas Party or a dinner for just €35. Bet there would be lots of people there who would mingle and drink and eat and chat. You might even meet a new beau!

But check out the Dublin Hotels as well. Got to be plenty of dinners where you come and join others. They're hardly going to have people stuck in a corner by themselves eating a bit of turkey and staring into space.

silverharp

An alternative would be to treat it as a me day. As op said they were sporty. Head up to the Mourne mountains , go for a nice 3 hr walk . have some nice food and movies lined up and skype the family in the evening.

Son Of A Vidic

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If your alone at Christmas, your probably alone the rest of the year? What's the problem with the other 11 months apart from the imaginary value you put on 1 day or 1 week.
It's only a day. Just like every other.

It's not that simple, Christmas is the one day of the year where you just can't avoid it. Beginning in late October, we are totally bombarded with the hype & hysteria that surrounds it. I have several friends from broken relationships who absolute love their own company and who have vowed to remain single. Yet Christmas is the one time of the year that they find very difficult. No other day of the year does that because every where they go, they are reminded of the ideal Christmas. Of perhaps a time when they were in love and thought things would never end. Or maybe it's just gets to some people because they can't spend time with family & friends. So no, you can't compare Christmas to any day of the year and yes many people do manage quite well on their own all year long. But Christmas is the time of year that really gets to them and it's the one time of year, where you just can't switch off and escape from it.

Kerrydude1981

asherbassad wrote: »

Also....you could punch off down to Galway for the day:

http://www.hotelmeyrick.ie/upload/docs/hotel-meyrick-christmas-brochure-2015.pdf

The Meyrick Hotel do a Christmas Party or a dinner for just €35. Bet there would be lots of people there who would mingle and drink and eat and chat. You might even meet a new beau!

But check out the Dublin Hotels as well. Got to be plenty of dinners where you come and join others. They're hardly going to have people stuck in a corner by themselves eating a bit of turkey and staring into space.

I think the Gleneagle Hotel in Killarney does something similar.

afatbollix

I read this thread and then watched the John Lewis Christmas ad and its made me a blubbering wreck.


I'm working Christmas this year, Abroad and away from Family, I'm all right tho I have my Partner here and by the time I do a few hours in work it will be home time for hopefully a big feast. But I have left my mother home alone just like you in Mayo who I have forgotten about what she will do on the day.

I live in the UK where most restaurants and pubs will do a Christmas dinner, They put all the tables together and most customers are people who don't have many people with them over Christmas. Maybe you could treat yourself some hotels will be doing dinner with a night away.

silverharp

afatbollix wrote: »

I read this thread and then watched the John Lewis Christmas ad and its made me a blubbering wreck.


I'm working Christmas this year, Abroad and away from Family, I'm all right tho I have my Partner here and by the time I do a few hours in work it will be home time for hopefully a big feast. But I have left my mother home alone just like you in Mayo who I have forgotten about what she will do on the day.

I live in the UK where most restaurants and pubs will do a Christmas dinner, They put all the tables together and most customers are people who don't have many people with them over Christmas. Maybe you could treat yourself some hotels will be doing dinner with a night away.

Spending a night in a hotel by yourself at xmas sounds grim even if it was the shelbourne.

eviltimeban

Sorry for your loss OP - I can't imagine it.

Is there perhaps an elderly neighbour you know (or even don't know that well) and you could get together and celebrate Christmas together? So you could go to their house or they to yours, have dinner together, someone for you to fuss over, a bit of welcome company for them too.

asherbassad

asherbassad wrote: »

There's a lot of people/groups who do unorthodox things on Christmas Day. Those nutjob polar bear swimmers spring to mind. I'm not suggesting you togg off with them and jump into the frigid sea on Xmas day but there must be loads of other clubs of people who team up and do something on the day....hillwalking or some such thing, followed by mulled wine back at the ranch.

Why don't you go to www.meetup.com, sign up....you just need an email address nd then search all the groups, there's hundreds, from techno-nerds to basket weavers. Sure you'll find some group in there that tickles your fancy....or maybe several. Join up the groups and then start receiving emails about upcoming events, etc. Pretty damn sure some of the group might have a Christmas day get together for people who might be single or whose kids have flown the nest like in your case.

Thanks . I'm actually a member of many Meetup groups and a regular hillwalker. I just didn't think people would be hillwalking on Christmas Day ?
I don't sit at home mulling over things .... I'm active sporty and always doing new stuff. But sometimes no matter how busy you are it's hard not to feel alone . As someone else here said maybe it's ok to let yourself feel that way and just snuggle up from 4pm (after the swim!) and have an indulgent lazy Christmas evening watching movies !

biggebruv

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Thanks . I'm actually a member of many Meetup groups and a regular hillwalker. I just didn't think people would be hillwalking on Christmas Day ?
I don't sit at home mulling over things .... I'm active sporty and always doing new stuff. But sometimes no matter how busy you are it's hard not to feel alone . As someone else here said maybe it's ok to let yourself feel that way and just snuggle up from 4pm (after the swim!) and have an indulgent lazy Christmas evening watching movies !

yeah find a nice tv boxset youve never watched before and get stuck in for the night lol

I think there are charities that pair elderly people who would be spending Christmas alone with families or people who can give them a bit of company and share a dinner on the day. There are too many elderly people who are alone all the time, it might be a very special thing to do for just one of them, if you think you'd enjoy that OP.

I am so sorry for your loss, and I'm sure Christmas is very hard without your girls. Just be as kind as you can to yourself, and try find something you're content to do.

Best wishes OP.

Ken.

Maggie, I will pay you €10 to go have dinner with my mother Christmas day so I don't have too. If you put thumb screws on me I can go to €12 but that's my final offer.

Spanish Eyes

Many forget that Christmas can be a very sad time for lots of people.

OP I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter at around that time too, nothing, nothing will make that any better.

I'm afraid I'm one of the bah humbugs. Christmas is only a day and honestly the hype and advertising I avoid like the plague. It's all over St Stephen's day and life goes on.

As for me, I will confess that in years past it was a full on gig family wise. Then we lost our lovely Dad, then we lost our young sister, then my Mum got ill. I kind of gave up. Nothing would ever be the same again, so why fekin bother at all!

So now, the family has a great arrangement. We all meet down at mum's Nursing Home in the morning for a few hours, it's chaos, but all the residents love the kids and the babies and the mess! Then we go to Mass with mum. In the afternoon she comes to me and OH all the time. We don't have kids so that works well. All the rest can have their mad family Christmas Day.

If I were to be totally honest I would leave the country and go abroad for the season. But as long as mum is with us, this is the drill, and it suits me, and it suits everyone else in the family. Win, win.

OP, I hope things are not too lonely for you. But my advice is to get on with it as another day. Get out for a walk, get in the M+S goodies, slob around, and before you know it IT'S OVER!.

Far too much hype makes people feel this way. Bet they aren't thinking that way in non Christian countries for a start.

Fran1985

OP while you say you cant afford Canada, could you afford a few days in spain? I spent a few christmases in nerja and its lovely there. Its Warm, about 20degrees, Enough to sit out in, maybe go for a swim in the sea but not uncomfortably hot. And its not very christmassy. Theres a Few lights around etc but not all up in your face like here. In fact, you could totally bypass Christmas if you wanted to while over there.

Im Not sure how much flights will be at this stage but aside from being able to get away from things, a nice bit of sun will refresh the batterys during a cold winter.

Something to consider even if it was just 3/4/5 days (and if money will stretch).

Fran1985

Fran1985 wrote: »

OP while you say you cant afford Canada, could you afford a few days in spain? I spent a few christmases in nerja and its lovely there. Its Warm, about 20degrees, Enough to sit out in, maybe go for a swim in the sea but not uncomfortably hot. And its not very christmassy. Theres a Few lights around etc but not all up in your face like here. In fact, you could totally bypass Christmas if you wanted to while over there.

Im Not sure how much flights will be at this stage but aside from being able to get away from things, a nice bit of sun will refresh the batterys during a cold winter.

Something to consider even if it was just 3/4/5 days (and if money will stretch).

Good idea and I'd nearly do it except it would mean the poor old dog goes into kennels and cats are left outside for those days .....not fair on them at Christmas... Call me soft but I'd feel awful doing that !

Think it's a bit of charity work in the morning then the rest of the day skyping , eating, a few glasses of wine , Roses ....and good movies

silverharp

silverharp wrote: »

Spending a night in a hotel by yourself at xmas sounds grim even if it was the shelbourne.

I agree . Of all the suggestions the one thing I definite would NOT do it go to a hotel on my own .....no way . Eat dinner with strangers , drink too much then go up to an impersonal bedroom alone? . I'd prefer the wood burning stove at home and my own house with everything i want plus long walks on the beaches close to me on Stephens Day . As other people said its all over the next day and you can kinda get back to normal.

The worst is bloody magazine articles interviewing the usual rich celebrities asking where're they're "jetting" off to or what castle they're spending it in. And all the food magazines and TV shows showing families all gathered around the table . :(

Glad so many people feel the same as I do :cool:

caille

It's great to read so many sentiments in line with my own views and I completely agree, Christmas Day is the one day of the year where you feel you have to be having the perfect day, it drives me mad. My sister died years ago and her birthday is New Years Eve, so Christmas and New Years Eve were never happy times after that. I have never had a Christmas alone yet (parents still alive and well and have one other sibling), and I am married now, but I have been very lonely at Christmas, hard to explain but all to do with my sister and the effect her death had had on my family.

OP, one suggestion, if you do spend the day on your own doing your own thing, log onto Boards. Christmas last year for me was particularly sad (for a few reasons) and logging onto Boards and finding other people actually posting on it, after their dinner, or before having their dinner,and commenting on the day itself, was a Godsend, I laughed so much at some comments and felt so much better afterwards.

The Dogs Bollix

I've got a family to go to at Christmas but i have decided not to go home this year and spend it alone.

I'm dreading it, the lead up, the questions, "are you all set", " are you going home".

I had a row with my mother over the summer where she displayed pictures all over the house of her sons, and new daughter in law and grand child. Not one picture of me.

Well, if i don't exist for a picture, why should i bother.

I'd rather spend it alone if my mother thinks it was ok to exclude me from her picture display. She knows how i feel, i told her, and i was told i was being childish. Her new daughter in law was more worthy of a picture. She hasn't apologized. Why would she, when she tried to pass it on to me by telling me i was being childish.

My mother made her choice. We'll see if her son and her daughter in law will travel the world at Christmas to see her. But he's busy with his own family. I'm not going across the country for the way how she made me feel.

MadYaker

Christmas wrecks my head. Id fcking love to spend one alone, my immediate family are fine, it's the uncles and aunts that cause trouble.

XR3i

i'll be sitting in my car in a field drinking cider and smoking hash, listening some nice reggae tunes, you can join me if you like

NachoBusiness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEiqT3tQW6o

Ken.

XR3i wrote: »

i'll be sitting in my car in a field drinking cider and smoking hash, listening some nice reggae tunes, you can join me if you like

How many seats you got?

asherbassad

silverharp wrote: »

Spending a night in a hotel by yourself at xmas sounds grim even if it was the shelbourne.

Nah mate.....Christmas Eve in the Hotel....few cheeky tipples in the bar meeting some strangers....along with a few snackies. Chat and say "see you tomorrow for a big fcuk off Bloody Mary and a mince pie at noon." Then punch on up to your hotel bed....togg off watch a spot of telly....slip away.
Back down in the late morning....said Bloody Mary and ready for a nice feed. Slow gentle day with others in the hotel...maybe a walk...exchange phone number. Taxi home around 10 when you're all red-faced and jaded. Back into your own cot.
50 Euros set aside for a small flutter on a bunch of horses on Stephen's Day.

Extra tenner on Chelsea to lose.

All good. No grimness.

XR3i

ken wrote: »

How many seats you got?

i can fit 3 passengers

The Dogs Bollix

XR3i wrote: »

i'll be sitting in my car in a field drinking cider and smoking hash, listening some nice reggae tunes, you can join me if you like

I'm up for this

XR3i

The Dogs Bollix wrote: »

I'm up for this

the more the better,

if there's more interest i might set up a proper sound-sistem

The Dogs Bollix

XR3i wrote: »

the more the better,

if there's more interest i might set up a proper sound-sistem

You mean, you don't already?

MadYaker

Seriously can I come? I'll a bring a brick of hash the size of a deck of cards!

XR3i

The Dogs Bollix wrote: »

You mean, you don't already?

well the plan was me alone in the car,

but if there's gonna be a few people i'll borrow a good sound sistem, generator, sheds etc i have already,

might even turn it into a techno-party

Ken.

I got a 4 man tent and don't mind sharing.

XR3i

MadYaker wrote: »

Seriously can I come? I'll a bring a brick of hash the size of a deck of cards!

no

IrishAlice

XR3i wrote: »

no

Aw, I was kind of enjoying imagining a load of strangers off their faces in some random field in the midlands

XR3i

i'd rather be alone for "christmas" than being breathed on by a shower of cúnts