Dinner Date

marykitty47

Hi all just looking for advise I've been out of this dating scene for a while. Going out for dinner tomorrow night with a guy I met. How does this work do in offer to pay half or?
I would prefer to have some contribution I don't think it's fair to expect him to pay

Passenger

From a mans perspective, please offer to pay half. It's a very polite and simple thing to do.

seenitall

You will get different answers to this, I'll just tell you what I do.

If a guy has invited me to dinner, I let him pay. Then if we carry on to a pub or similar, I buy the first round, and perhaps also a second one, it depends of my gauge of the situation. Or if we are seeing each other again, the next dinner (or cinema tickets, etc.) are on me.

I think it's way more elegant then going Dutch, which to me feels very unromantic and business-like, but maybe that's just me. I go Dutch in all other situations, all the time, like with friends, but something about a romantic situation - that feels wrong. I want to see generosity in a man (and yes, financial generosity is one aspect of it), right off the bat, and I want to be able to showcase mine at the next opportunity, too.

Anyway, good luck with your date!

ElleEm

Equality! Offer to pay half at least!

If he refuses and the date is going well and you go out afterwards then you should pay for drinks. It is only fair!

The first row my parents had was on their first date in 1971 when my mam paid her own bus fare! And the first row myself and my partner had was on our first date 9 years ago was when I bought him a drink (and said we would do rounds). Men still like to be chivalrous but it should not be expected!

kylith

Definitely offer to pay your share. He will probably refuse to let you. If you go for drinks after make sure you get the first round in; just ask what he's drinking. If ye don't go for drinks after then I would consider that you should pay for the next dinner.

meeeeh

I think in general you offer to pay half or you try to make it somewhat equal with buying drinks or whatever. But I also think you should go with your gut instinct and adapt to situation. For example if your earnings are a lot lower than his and he invites you to high end restaurant you don't need to contribute equally.

A lot depends on individual circumstances and what you do. It might be that you should be paying more but for me general rule is that nobody completely avoids paying.

skallywag

If I asked someone out then I would certainly not expect them to contribute towards the cost of dinner. No problem at all with someone offering to go Dutch etc but I also wouldn't like someone forcing it on me either. I think that the best way to handle such situations in general is for turns to be taken with paying, presuming of course that there is a second date!

The Corinthian

Most likely he will pay or offer to do so. Were I in your position, when he does so (and assuming you're enjoying his company) I'd reply with something like "well, I'll have to buy you a drink or two now", as other than confirming that you are enjoying his company it'll deal with that particular elephant in the room.

If he either fails to offer to pay on the first date or refuses any contribution by you, I'd probably treat either as a bit of a red flag.

zeffabelli

I think before you decide this you need to find out where you are going.

If he plans on taking you to the Four Seasons and you can't afford that, then you need to decline the date or you need to make an alternative suggestion. Of vourse once you are paying half, he is no longer "taking you on a date." It becomes something different.

There is no point going on a date where you don't know where you are going and then the implicit agreement is you pay for half when you have had no input into the selection of the date.

The Corinthian

zeffabelli wrote: »

If he plans on taking you to the Four Seasons

If he's planning on taking her to the Four Seasons in New York, affording it would not be top of my list of concerns...

zeffabelli

The Corinthian wrote: »

If he's planning on taking her to the Four Seasons in New York, affording it would not be top of my list of concerns...

That I'm afraid has closed down. So yes that would be a concern.

I mean the one in Ballsbridge but maybe that has closed down too.

Well insert any extremely expensive restaurant instead.

marykitty47

So it went ok....I offered to pay etc he was having none of it but did text twice while on a date....


So I take from that he is just not into me...ah well

Figbiscuithead

Not sure why such a big deal is made over this issue - this has never, ever been a problem for me in all my years of "dating". Just offer to go halves or get the drinks in later. Overthinking this stuff is no craic.


Edit: Just saw your post - I'd say hang on a while before you decide he's not interested! Most people I know use their phones in the company of others these days.

marykitty47

I don't think he is. Although he passed a comment last night about me visiting his home place next he text this morning I replied...now nothing. I can see he is online and read the message while before it was non stop texting.
I'd prefer if he was just honest instead of ignoring the message..

Whatever you do, don't expect all texts to be answered immediately and want to know why if they haven't. A guy once asked me why I didn't text him back straight away, and I just lost all interest.

If someone can't figure out that you might be working, driving, not interested in texting all day, or otherwise occupied and they feel entitled to know what you were doing instead, leave them to it.

I hate constant texters, it's like smothering by proxy.

Figbiscuithead

marykitty47 wrote: »

I don't think he is. Although he passed a comment last night about me visiting his home place next he text this morning I replied...now nothing. I can see he is online and read the message while before it was non stop texting.
I'd prefer if he was just honest instead of ignoring the message..

I think you need to relax.

zeffabelli

Candie wrote: »

Whatever you do, don't expect all texts to be answered immediately and want to know why if they haven't. A guy once asked me why I didn't text him back straight away, and I just lost all interest.

If someone can't figure out that you might be working, driving, not interested in texting all day, or otherwise occupied and they feel entitled to know what you were doing instead, leave them to it.

I hate constant texters, it's like smothering by proxy.

Neh I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.

If its a constant two way flow and then one stops, its pretty typical for people who don't know each other to get anxious about what that might mean.

New lovers are paranoid semiologists, early daters are also....

In the example you gave, you could have just said "I don't really like texting all day." It would have been fine. But instead you read his query, likely as a demand, which it may not have been... though it transmitted that way.... and then lost interest because....I dunno.

zeffabelli

zeffabelli wrote: »

Neh I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.

If its a constant two way flow and then one stops, its pretty typical for people who don't know each other to get anxious about what that might mean.

New lovers are paranoid semiologists, early daters are also....

In the example you gave, you could have just said "I don't really like texting all day." It would have been fine. But instead you read his query, likely as a demand, which it may not have been... though it transmitted that way.... and then lost interest because....I dunno.

I'm saying she shouldn't jump to any conclusions on the basis of an unanswered text from this morning, not last week.

It also was a demand, made in person. Anyone who expects you to explain yourself because you didn't text back within their acceptable window is usually someone worth giving a wide berth to.

Teafor two12345

marykitty47 wrote: »

Hi all just looking for advise I've been out of this dating scene for a while. Going out for dinner tomorrow night with a guy I met. How does this work do in offer to pay half or?
I would prefer to have some contribution I don't think it's fair to expect him to pay

It's going to be different from couple to couple and person to person. It's more about what you guys want.

Mr Tea has always paid right from the beginning. But that's him and that's us. He makes way more than I do. It would mean him going on dinner dates on his own otherwise. Or me watching him eat.I wasn't even comfortable eating in front of him for so long anyway.I do make efforts to treat him in some ways etc. But I suppose in it's on my own way or our own way.

Never assume there are universal dating laws. There aren't. It's what feels right between you guys.

You will feel it's right. It's not so academic.. like a negotiation. Or that would not work for me anyways.

killwill

If the dinner date does not go well definitely pay half.
If ye get on well and you feel that there is a good chance of a second date, let him pay if he offers, you can treat him to the next date.

RDM_83 again

zeffabelli wrote: »

Neh I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.

If its a constant two way flow and then one stops, its pretty typical for people who don't know each other to get anxious about what that might mean.

New lovers are paranoid semiologists, early daters are also....

In the example you gave, you could have just said "I don't really like texting all day." It would have been fine. But instead you read his query, likely as a demand, which it may not have been... though it transmitted that way.... and then lost interest because....I dunno.

When I was single for a while I found the various messengers like whatsapp way better to use than text since you can see if the message is Sent, Delivered and Read.
It removes a lot of that doubt, if somebody is reading your messages and not replying within a few hours its a fairly clear signal, I'm a guy and I wasn't looking for romance so was probably operating in a different space (a very overcrowded space :eek: ) to most of the posters here but at least for me I found it a good way of predicting who would be flakes and so plan accordingly e.g meet somewhere convenient to me or have backup plans if sudden cancellation.
I'd imagine it applies the same for those looking for something more serious in terms of filtering game players too.

Be aware though that Whatsapp does link to your Facebook account, wasn't an issue for me since I wasn't hiding anything and wasn't messing people around as well as the fact as a man I was significantly less likely to attract obsessives/stalkers but its a good thing to know.

Anyway about the paying thing, make the offer.

marykitty47

So as I said dinner date went well that night I offered to pay etc but he wasn't having any of it he was paying. He was texting for a while after I replied and didn't hear anything for over a week....he text over the weekend and a few snapchats.

I think I'll give up on this now. If he was interested I'm sure he wouldn't have cut contact for over a week. Oh well

Faith

marykitty47 wrote: »

I think I'll give up on this now. If he was interested I'm sure he wouldn't have cut contact for over a week. Oh well

Did you get in touch with him over that week?

Lux23

Offer to pay at least half, if he insists on paying then let him but only if you intend to see him again. Because that way you can pay next time.

Parchment

I always pay my way. I have found that guys who were accepting of that were generally a better "standard" of guys also!

AppleBottle

Regardless of who asks first, I would always offer to pay but that is just me. I guess as the dates and relationship progress, I fall into a "you pay tonight, I'll pay next time" sort situations.