Any risk of anything?

mattP

Im back from a house party, I snuck off and had sex with a guy(it was more romantic/innocent than it reads)...he didn't wear a condom. It was both our first times, so we should be okay, right? As in nothing there to give each other? I told my sister (had to, fair obvious something had happened)(she picked me up) and she says I need to get a pep straight away in the morning(?)
What should I do? We're both clean so it should be fine, but the more she talks the more worried I get

The Sidewards Man

Did you penetrate him?

mattP

He penetrated me... I know that's meant to be riskier

28064212

mattP wrote: »

It was both our first times

Really? It's lucky there was a certified neutral third-party to hand that could verify that.

IF it was both your first times having any form of sexual contact, you're fine*. You have no way of truely verifying that though, so get tested, and use condoms in the future

*Well, almost certainly, there could be some insanely unusual disease transmission happening.

The Sidewards Man

Did he blow his load into you?

mattP

28064212 wrote:

IF it was both your first times having any form of sexual contact, you're fine*. You have no way of truely verifying that though, so get tested, and use condoms in the future

I trust him, so this comes as a great relief, Its just she got so much in my head shouting so many different things at me.... I definitely will be safe in future though.

Ten of Swords

I must say though you are handling this quite well, you either have good coping skills or have underestimated the situation you placed yourself in. When you say you trust him, is he a boyfriend/partner or an acquaintance? I'm guessing not a stranger at least.

Statistically the risk is low if everything is as you say it is and neither of you has had a previous partner, male or female.

Do you intend any kind of follow up as your sister has recommended?

mattP wrote: »

she says I need to get a pep straight away in the morning(?)

If taking PEP it should be started within 72 hours for it to be most effective

Paramite Pie

mattP wrote: »

He penetrated me... I know that's meant to be riskier

Actually it's the other way 'round. The lining of the anus is far more hospitable to STI's therefore the penetrater is at a far higher risk.

You took the lower risk believe it or not. If you trust it's his first time the you've nothing to worry about. You may have to wait a while to get tested though, not much will show up this early.

Also, the first few times taking are rough... it get's better. Promise!

mattP

Ten of Swords wrote:

I must say though you are handling this quite well, you either have good coping skills or have underestimated the situation you placed yourself in. When you say you trust him, is he a boyfriend/partner or an acquaintance? I'm guessing not a stranger at least.

He's a friend. I guess thats kind of a grey area now though

Paramite Pie wrote:

Also, the first few times taking are rough... it get's better. Promise!

Ive a free house later so hes coming over 🙈 I'll be 100% sober so im half scared how it'll go down :c

mattP

Ten of Swords wrote:

Do you intend any kind of follow up as your sister has recommended?

Paramite Pie wrote:

You took the lower risk believe it or not. If you trust it's his first time the you've nothing to worry about. You may have to wait a while to get tested though, not much will show up this early.

Should I get tested/ a pep? I trust him, so it should all be okay. I know "he could have lied about being a virgin" but I don't think so

spurious

Don't take chances again. You really have know way of being absolutely sure it was his first time.
Be careful and enjoy yourself.

IT certainly wouldnt be any harm just to go get tested anyway just in case better than spending the next 6 months with it in the back of ur head

mattP

Egypt Ugly Kale wrote:

IT certainly wouldnt be any harm just to go get tested anyway just in case better than spending the next 6 months with it in the back of ur head

What does testing involve? Can my gp do it?

Avatar MIA

"Trust me it's my first time and don't need to use a condom" said no man ever.

You are naive, but probably fine. But only guessing.

ninty9er

mattP wrote: »

What does testing involve? Can my gp do it?

What part of the country are you in? Your GP can do it, or if you have a local GUM clinic you can get tested there for free. It's pretty simple and it's good practice now that you're sexually active to go 2/3 times a year as condoms don't cover everything! Also you should wait about a week as things don't screen immediately.

If you talk to him and discover you need PEP, don't even finish the conversation, go to A&E immediately. Not all GPs are licenced to prescribe it.

Enjoy :pac:

Avatar MIA

ninty9er wrote: »

Also you should wait about a week as things don't screen immediately.

"PEP must begin within 72 hours of exposure"

https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/prevention/reduce-your-risk/post-exposure-prophylaxis/

ninty9er

Avatar MIA wrote: »

"PEP must begin within 72 hours of exposure"

https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/prevention/reduce-your-risk/post-exposure-prophylaxis/

Read the whole post.

Ten of Swords

mattP wrote: »

What does testing involve? Can my gp do it?

mattP wrote: »

Should I get tested/ a pep?

That is up to you. Your GP can do it, there are also numerous clinics around the country that will do it for free. You can have a look at the resources sticky at the top of this forum if you are still worried.

For sexual health information, including information on free STI testing and PEP, this is a useful site www.man2man.ie

AshfieldM10

mattP wrote: »

Im back from a house party, I snuck off and had sex with a guy(it was more romantic/innocent than it reads)...he didn't wear a condom. It was both our first times, so we should be okay, right? As in nothing there to give each other? I told my sister (had to, fair obvious something had happened)(she picked me up) and she says I need to get a pep straight away in the morning(?)
What should I do? We're both clean so it should be fine, but the more she talks the more worried I get

I'm happy for you your first time was special for both of you

nervous_twitch

Paramite Pie wrote: »

Actually it's the other way 'round. The lining of the anus is far more hospitable to STI's therefore the penetrater is at a far higher risk.

Nope. Receptive intercourse carries a higher infection incidence than insertive. Receiving partner is at greater risk.

newacc2015

Avatar MIA wrote: »

"PEP must begin within 72 hours of exposure"

https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/prevention/reduce-your-risk/post-exposure-prophylaxis/

You really need to start it ASAP, as in within 24 hours. Leaving it until 24 hours is too long.

How do you know its the guys first time? If he has lube going to guess it's not his first time. You should always have condoms in your wallet(I know it's not the best place to store them, but it's better than none).

mattP

newacc2015 wrote:

How do you know its the guys first time? If he has lube going to guess it's not his first time. You should always have condoms in your wallet(I know it's not the best place to store them, but it's better than none).

He didn't have lube... neither of us came to the party with the idea of it happening, it just sort of did. I brought it up again today and he says it was his first time too, and I believe him, so I don't think I will get a pep. I don't intend to sleep with any other guys so I think ill be alright for a while.
I know some of you might think im stupid but I do trust him... Thanks for all the advice, I definitely need to know these things

Annasopra

mattP wrote: »

He didn't have lube... neither of us came to the party with the idea of it happening, it just sort of did. I brought it up again today and he says it was his first time too, and I believe him, so I don't think I will get a pep. I don't intend to sleep with any other guys so I think ill be alright for a while.
I know some of you might think im stupid but I do trust him... Thanks for all the advice, I definitely need to know these things

You should both get tested and if you are having sex inf future make sure it is always protected.

mattP

mattP wrote: »

He didn't have lube... neither of us came to the party with the idea of it happening, it just sort of did. I brought it up again today and he says it was his first time too, and I believe him, so I don't think I will get a pep. I don't intend to sleep with any other guys so I think ill be alright for a while.
I know some of you might think im stupid but I do trust him... Thanks for all the advice, I definitely need to know these things

A quick word of warning for your friend OP; if he penetrated you without a condom then he might be at risk of getting a urinary tract infection. So if he notices something amiss "down there", tell him to go to a GP asap. UTIs aren't very serious, and a week-long course of antibiotics is generally enough to get rid of them, but they're still rather unpleasant and can come as a shock if it happens after your first time.

Also be aware that PEP, for all its usefulness, isn't something to be taken lightly. It is a harsh treatment and can have side effects. In all probability, you and your friend will both be fine, just be more careful in future.

Mr.Frame

mattP wrote: »

He didn't have lube... neither of us came to the party with the idea of it happening, it just sort of did. I brought it up again today and he says it was his first time too, and I believe him, so I don't think I will get a pep. I don't intend to sleep with any other guys so I think ill be alright for a while.
I know some of you might think im stupid but I do trust him... Thanks for all the advice, I definitely need to know these things

So you meet a "friend" you both have UNPROTECTED sex, but its ok because you trust him.
Seriously in this day and age, one would have thought that people would kop the F**k on.
People are still contacting HIV and it is continuing to go up despite, the warnings.
I am sure those that contacted HIV didn't have unprotected with the full knowledge that the other guy was infected, they probably TRUSTED him!

You owe it to yourself to go and get tested this week.

Trusting someone and having unprotected sex is in my opinion foolish and stupid.
I am sorry there is NO excuse to have unprotected sex with anyone.

mattP

Mr.Frame wrote:

So you meet a "friend" you both have UNPROTECTED sex, but its ok because you trust him. Seriously in this day and age, one would have thought that people would kop the F**k on. People are still contacting HIV and it is continuing to go up despite, the warnings. I am sure those that contacted HIV didn't have unprotected with the full knowledge that the other guy was infected, they probably TRUSTED him!

Trust. So? Whats the world without it?He is my friend and ive known him years. It wasn't as black and white as hooking up with some randomer. I understand there is risks but you can't live your life always fearing them blindly. We assessed the situation and decided to go for it - I wouldn't go back and undo it. It was special, thanks to trust.

Mr.Frame wrote:

Trusting someone and having unprotected sex is in my opinion foolish and stupid. I am sorry there is NO excuse to have unprotected sex with anyone.

I understand where youre coming from and I appreciate that. But I think sometimes you just have to grab life by the balls, as the phrase goes. Im not saying people should be reckless, im just saying that sometimes you have to be in the moment and live.
I don't think im really conveying my point well. I know unsafe sex is dangerous(hence the "unsafe"), but I believe that in the right low risk situations its okay to go for it. Maybe im just naive to the world...

Ten of Swords

I think the hostile attitude towards the op is unnecessary. He has asked about the risks and has been given several opinions (unqualified) and provided with information to look up if he so wishes, in order to make an informed choice, which he has duely done.

mattP with that in mind I think it's pertinent you understand why you are going to be on the receiving end of some barbed comments, STIs affect the gay/bi community in a completely disproportionate way when compared to heterosexual statistics, it is actually scary when you really get right into the numbers. As an example, there is a thread about the 2014 HIV statistics. 2 key points to take from that thread is that the average age has gone down (ie, more younger guys are getting infected) and MSM (Men who have sex with men) is once again, for the 10th year in a row, the fastest growing category. This is not to alarm you, just to give you the facts.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057447154

Look you have known your friend for a long time, and trust him implicitly, and that's good enough for you, I understand your logic.

The only piece of advice that I have to offer here, and the crux of the negative tone of this thread, is that your way of thinking will have to change in the future, when you hit college for example. Unprotected sex at that stage is simply a foolish endeavor and the more you do it the higher the probability it will end badly. Posters who have told you to always have safe sex, and to get tested as appropriate, are doing so because it's simply best practice and common sense. We are not new to this.

newacc2015

Mr.Frame wrote: »

So you meet a "friend" you both have UNPROTECTED sex, but its ok because you trust him.
Seriously in this day and age, one would have thought that people would kop the F**k on.
People are still contacting HIV and it is continuing to go up despite, the warnings.
I am sure those that contacted HIV didn't have unprotected with the full knowledge that the other guy was infected, they probably TRUSTED him!

You owe it to yourself to go and get tested this week.

Trusting someone and having unprotected sex is in my opinion foolish and stupid.
I am sorry there is NO excuse to have unprotected sex with anyone.

Eh? You might want to read up on HIV testing. Even the most advanced testing can't pick HIV up for about 10 days. The general testing is Irish hospitals (the 4th gen Elisa) is pretty accurate after 28 days and conclusive from seek 6-12 depending on the organisations opinion.

OP always use water based lube for anal sex(oil based eg Vaseline damage condom's). If you don't use lube there is a risk of anal bleeding and higher risk of sti infection

Labreya

OP, from now on you should probably keep some lube and condoms handy on you in the event that something like this happens again. It's easy to get caught up in the moment.

I'd recommend getting tested, whether you think your friend is clean or not. Get into a habit of getting tested if you're sexually active. It just makes sense. It's much better to do it and not have needed it, than to need it and not have done it.

jobbridge4life

mattP wrote: »

Trust. So? Whats the world without it?He is my friend and ive known him years. It wasn't as black and white as hooking up with some randomer. I understand there is risks but you can't live your life always fearing them blindly. We assessed the situation and decided to go for it - I wouldn't go back and undo it. It was special, thanks to trust.

I understand where youre coming from and I appreciate that. But I think sometimes you just have to grab life by the balls, as the phrase goes. Im not saying people should be reckless, im just saying that sometimes you have to be in the moment and live.
I don't think im really conveying my point well. I know unsafe sex is dangerous(hence the "unsafe"), but I believe that in the right low risk situations its okay to go for it. Maybe im just naive to the world...

You are.

I know personally several young gay people in their twenties, including high profile gays who have been infected with HIV.

People don't look like they have HIV, people who have cautious limited sex lives can be infected. It can happen to anyone and as a young gay man who is bottoming unprotected you are especially at risk. I am not trying to scare you but this is the reality.

Get tested, carry condoms and use them in future.

Mr.Frame

mattP wrote: »

Trust. So? Whats the world without it?He is my friend and ive known him years. It wasn't as black and white as hooking up with some randomer. I understand there is risks but you can't live your life always fearing them blindly. We assessed the situation and decided to go for it - I wouldn't go back and undo it. It was special, thanks to trust.

I understand where youre coming from and I appreciate that. But I think sometimes you just have to grab life by the balls, as the phrase goes. Im not saying people should be reckless, im just saying that sometimes you have to be in the moment and live.
I don't think im really conveying my point well. I know unsafe sex is dangerous(hence the "unsafe"), but I believe that in the right low risk situations its okay to go for it. Maybe im just naive to the world...

The last sentence in your reply is the only "sensible" thing you have said .
"Maybe 'I'm just naive to the world",
Yes you are, completely and utterly.

I make no excuses for being harsh on you.
I have had some dealings with people (young and old) who had unprotected sex , because they "trusted" the other guy and he said he was "clean", but these people are now HIV.

I'll say it again, when it comes to sex, you MUST ALWAYS play safe, regardless of how drunk you are, how friendly you are with this other guy, or because hes a friend or because you trust him .

mattP

I was really annoyed this morning. I heard an ad appealing for blood donors, and in my head I got caught up with why they dont accept sexually active gay men and it really made my unwanted blood boil
....That's when I realised my double standards. I was angry at the seeming presumption that we all have HIV while I was having unsafe sex with a guy.
....so I decided I'd look into getting tested. Id bet my life Im clean but its best to do one anyway, I suppose. I was kinda worried about how to broach the topic with him as it seems like its gonna be a fairly regular thing between us. He's fine with getting tested too, so it looks like its all gonna go ahead.
Thanks for all the advice ^.^ It eventually set in

nathang20

OP, I was your age when Irish blood introduced the restriction on Gay people giving blood. I was also your age when Mad Cow disease was in its prime, a restriction also by Irish blood to anybody that lived in the UK when this crisis took hold (80s/90s).

Irish blood introduced the restriction because of increased levels of STI's, to include HIV. Men were having sex with each other and the fear I remember wasn't across the board to every gay Irish person to USE PROTECTION. Hence, Irish blood thought that it was doing a pro-active action and made these restrictions. I would loved to have given blood over the years but I have the Mad cow and gay problem behind me.

Its 2015 and Irish blood are seeing less and less Gay people with HIV (questionable)and developing AID's, due to the fact men use protection, but for some reason the young Gay people seem to feel immune to any kind of infection. Aids, a word that struck fear in me, when I saw what it was doing to people. I was in the UK late 80's and 90's and saw the full impact of what was happening. I came back to Ireland to study and the difference between Ireland and the UK in education, was nothing short of a disaster. The gay scene was a mess during the 80's & early 90's. Too many people associated HIV and AIDS as being a typical STI, curable with antibiotics. I saw this first hand. I never want to see it again.