Money as a birthday Gift?

creeper1

My gf of 8 months is soon going to have her birthday.

She has asked me for an iPhone 6. The price of that were I am is over 600 pounds. (I am abroad and a luxury tax is levied on these things)

That represents half a month's salary for me.

Ideally I only wanted to spend 400 pounds on her.

Would it be really unromantic to just give her the cash and tell her if she wants the phone provide the other 200 herself?

Or should I just cave in and buy her the darn phone?

BTW I constantly hear complaints such as "you don't love me" and "how have you shown your love?"

aaakev

Dude my girlfriend of 10 years who is now my wife wouldn't ask me for such an expensive gift amd I could easily afford it! She sounds like a bit of a spoilt princess to me. Your with her 8 months, €400 towards her phone is a very generous gift

tcif

400 pounds on a gf of 8 months is, in my opinion, over the top - that's a third of your months wages! If she's complaining you don't show your love by digging deep and is pushing you for expensive presents you can't afford, she's not showing you any love, or any respect or consideration. The next gift occasion (Christmas) is only a few weeks away - what are you going to be expected to shell out then??

Being a good bf doesn't equal being a Walking Wallet.

Potatoeman

creeper1 wrote: »

My gf of 8 months is soon going to have her birthday.

She has asked me for an iPhone 6. The price of that were I am is over 600 pounds. (I am abroad and a luxury tax is levied on these things)

That represents half a month's salary for me.

Ideally I only wanted to spend 400 pounds on her.

Would it be really unromantic to just give her the cash and tell her if she wants the phone provide the other 200 herself?

Or should I just cave in and buy her the darn phone?

BTW I constantly hear complaints such as "you don't love me" and "how have you shown your love?"

Did she buy you any expensive gifts? It seems very cheeky.

Penny Tration

So she wants something hugely expensive, and tells you that you don't love her and how have you shown your love?

For her birthday, I'd suggest you give her the freedom of being single.

She sounds like a demanding, needy, horrible brat

uli84

Wow she treats iphone as a sign of love? Sth seriously wrong there...

maryfred

Penny Tration wrote: »

So she wants something hugely expensive, and tells you that you don't love her and how have you shown your love?

For her birthday, I'd suggest you give her the freedom of being single.

She sounds like a demanding, needy, horrible brat

+1 to this. Half your salary on a birthday present!!! She'd want to cop on or get lost. Even 400 quid is crazy money.

pookie82

Even 400GBP is massively over the top for a gf of 8 months, I've never spent that on my other half despite long term relationships spanning years.

Don't be silly - do NOT do this!!! She sounds like a demanding little madam. The cheek of some people astounds me.

Is she on a plan here? Tell her if she wants to sign a contract (with the likes of Vodafone) you'll cough up the €150 or so the phone costs on that plan, but you're not paying full whack for a pay as you go. If she argues that then I think you should be ditching the relationship as well as the present ...

gerard2210

Way O.T.T. I wouldn't spend that on my wife of 15 years (for a birthday present.) If she expects a present like that for a birthday after only 8 months what will she be looking for a few years down the road. Christmas is only a few weeks away will she expect an iMac or something.
Tell her to cop on. Spend no more than £200. If she isn't happy run for your life before she has you in the poor house.

eh i dunno

Run for the hills. Imagine what she'll want for Xmas.

El_Duderino 09

Same as most of the posters above, I've been with my GF for 11 years and there's no way we would ask for such an expensive gift. Even our 30th birthday presents for each other didn't cost that much. The difference is that if you see yourselves as a couple, you would probably only ask for things you would buy yourself anyway but would put on the long finger.

She's setting a bad precedent about your role in the relationship as a provider of gifts rather that a provider of love and emotional support - which I think is 99% of being in a relationship.

Apart from that, paying half your months salary on that phone means you won't have any disposable money for at least that month and maybe even the the following month. How will you be able to do things together? Will she be OK to pay for dinner and the cinema for the next 6 weeks because you spent it all on her new phone?

mailforkev

That would have alarm bells ringing for me I'm afraid.

Equating how much you love her with how expensive your gifts are is a sign of a materialistic and needy head wrecker.

I had a friend in a very similar situation a few years ago. Was only with the girlfriend about six months and also bought her an iPhone for her birthday. Myself and several of my friends mentioned to him that it seemed a bit excessive for such a new relationship.

He spent the next couple of years in a crappy relationship where he had to jump at a finger click and basically fund her lifestyle while she manipulated his emotions.

Eventually getting dumped by her was the best thing to ever happen him, took him a while to get back on his feet though as she had basically been emotionally abusing him.

A few years on and he is now in a relationship with a great woman and is happier than ever as he has remembered what a decent normal relationship is again.

It might not happen to you OP but do consider that if everyone here gives similar advice then it's probably worth thinking about.

HelgaWard

I would never have expected or demanded such an expensive gift from my husband when we were boyfriend & girlfriend. Sounds like a princess. Equates showing love with money. I'd be much more touched if my boyfriend gave me a present which showed some thought, that to me is showing love.

Partners need to be able to talk to each other, you should be able to say to her, that you are not made of money and that what she is asking for is far too much. I suggest you get her an MP3 player with a preloaded play list "i ain't sayin she a gold digger", leading through to "All the women, who independent, throw your hands up at me"!!!

OneOfThem

Pick up an iPhone six box somewhere, ask anyone you know that's got one recently for a loan, people hang onto the boxes for some reason (helps reselling or something I think). Inside that put something very heartfelt, but cheap as chips or free. Little locket with a picture of you too, very heartfelt handwritten love letter, I dunno, something along those lines... really poor the love into it though, give it serious thought. Wrap that bad boy in wrapping paper. If she opens that and either doesn't see the humour or appreciate the heartfelt but non expensive showing of your love for her. Well what are you gonna do? Spend the next 60 years of your life with a matrialistic whatchamacallit that can't take a joke?

LegacyUser

OP the only time I've spent anywhere near 400 on my OH was when I booked a holiday aborad and that was for both of us so I was getting something out of it and that was after double digit years of marriage. No way I'd be shelling triple digits on someone! And your not even going out a year!

R.D. aka MR.D

You mention that you are abroad. Is she from another country?

If so, I'd be very wary of a girl asking you for such an expensive gift especially if she is from a non-western country. You are getting into transaction territory there.

I live in Asia and the amount of men that I see being taken for everything they've got by girls is ridiculous. I knew a guy in Korea who was buying 2000 euro handbags and what not.

You know what happens when the money runs out? They're gone.

amdublin

You're setting up a precedent of very expensive gifts (with money that you don't have).

What will you buy for next birthday? For Christmas? For anniversary gifts?

Have you had a birthday yet? Do you want her spending that much on you?

Panthro

600yoyos on a gift to someone you're only dating 8months is madness OP.
If she loved you half as much as she should, she wouldn't even ask for something like that.
Bigger fool you if you cave in to her demands IMO.

Ruby31

I'm curious as to what age she is as that kind of carry on sounds very immature.

Lamp69

Wow can't get over the amount of replies telling you she's a princess etc. An iPhone is not an extravagant gift - it's just a phone and that's what they cost. You giving her 400 and telling her to pay the rest herself is an insult!!! My brother bought his gf a laptop, mi moneda chain and watch recently and it was just her bday!!

Ruby31

Lamp69 wrote: »

Wow can't get over the amount of replies telling you she's a princess etc. An iPhone is not an extravagant gift - it's just a phone and that's what they cost. You giving her 400 and telling her to pay the rest herself is an insult!!! My brother bought his gf a laptop, mi moneda chain and watch recently and it was just her bday!!

Is money no element in your life?! I'm envious! To me, an iPhone IS an extravagant gift, especially only 8 months into a relationship. I'm with my fella 14 years and no way would either of us spend €600 on a present.

I can't stand those princess-types who expect their boyfriends to shower them in gifts as a sign of their love!!!!

tcif

It's a ridiculously extravagant gift! It's not just a phone, it's one of the most expensive phones out there and if the OP's GF wants one, I suggest she buys it herself. Frankly, if I was with someone 8 months and they started setting out those kind of demands, I would walk away, nor would I ever ask or expect anyone else to spend half their months wages on a birthday present for me. That's crazy!

Ruby31

Ruby31 wrote: »

Is money no element in your life?! I'm envious! To me, an iPhone IS an extravagant gift, especially only 8 months into a relationship. I'm with my fella 14 years and no way would either of us spend €600 on a present.

I can't stand those princess-types who expect their boyfriends to shower them in gifts as a sign of their love!!!!

And the men are the bigger fools!

gerard2210

Lamp69 wrote:

Wow can't get over the amount of replies telling you she's a princess etc. An iPhone is not an extravagant gift - it's just a phone and that's what they cost. You giving her 400 and telling her to pay the rest herself is an insult!!! My brother bought his gf a laptop, mi moneda chain and watch recently and it was just her bday!!

Your brother can probably afford to spoil his gf. The op thinks spending 2 weeks wages is a bit much after only dating for 8 months.

OhDearyMe

Lamp69 wrote: »

Wow can't get over the amount of replies telling you she's a princess etc. An iPhone is not an extravagant gift - it's just a phone and that's what they cost. You giving her 400 and telling her to pay the rest herself is an insult!!! My brother bought his gf a laptop, mi moneda chain and watch recently and it was just her bday!!

Trying not be rude here but...Of COURSE it's an extravagant gift for a man on 1200 a month! It's an extravagant gift for most people, especially after only 8 months (!) of going out and the fact that she's using emotional blackmail to get her way speaks volumes.


She's the very definition of a gold digger. Don't be taken for a mug, OP - this is not what love and relationships are all about. Tell her to eff off.

Ursus Horribilis

Your family must be swimming in money if you think an iPhone 6 isn't an extravagant gift. There's a good reason why most people have them on an 28-24 month contract. It's because they're bloody expensive and a lot of people don't have the money on them to buy the phones outright in the first place. Most people would be mortified if their other half gave them laptops, jewellery and watches for their birthday. It's overkill unless you're one of those lucky people who has loads of money to splash around.

Anyway OP I'm going to join the chorus of people who think what your girlfriend is asking is way over the top and that you should be careful that you're not being seen as a cash cow.

Shrap

Lamp69 wrote: »

Wow can't get over the amount of replies telling you she's a princess etc. An iPhone is not an extravagant gift - it's just a phone and that's what they cost. You giving her 400 and telling her to pay the rest herself is an insult!!! My brother bought his gf a laptop, mi moneda chain and watch recently and it was just her bday!!

Jesus H.

I must be from a different planet altogether. 400 is all I could spend on both my teens birthdays and xmas presents put together.

Have to say that considering the OP has said that 600 would be half his month's salary, the idea of him spending that to his own detriment is somewhat obscene and unless his girlfriend is totally oblivious of the real world, then she's a princess alright (and that's being kind).

Your own comment smacks of the kind of blinkered entitlement that my kids will at least be fortunate enough not to fall prey to, even if they don't have all the latest gear.

Edit: BTW, in my world, this is "just a phone" and although my kids have smart phones, at least they're smart enough to know they're a luxury item. https://www.google.ie/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAUQjhxqFQoTCMvoltDE2MgCFcw-FAodrHwExQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.replaceyourcell.com%2Fnokia-1616-basic-fm-radio-phone.html&psig=AFQjCNGG1Un7w3V8aNe1XnEWjZEcr3ZskQ&ust=1445687719907805

aaakev

Lamp69 wrote: »

Wow can't get over the amount of replies telling you she's a princess etc. An iPhone is not an extravagant gift - it's just a phone and that's what they cost. You giving her 400 and telling her to pay the rest herself is an insult!!! My brother bought his gf a laptop, mi moneda chain and watch recently and it was just her bday!!

I was wondering when the girlfriend would show up!

Ursus Horribilis

creeper1 wrote:

BTW I constantly hear complaints such as "you don't love me" and "how have you shown your love?"

This is a bigger red flag than her demand for just about the dearest phone that's out there. We've all established that what she's looking for is unreasonable.

My advice to you is to cut your losses and find a girlfriend who's not demanding and criticising you in this fashion. This isn't how people in a normal relationship behave. Have you ever had a girlfriend before?

Lamp69

Ok fair enough it's extravagant after 8 months. But it's still just a phone jeez

Penny Tration

Lamp69 wrote: »

Wow can't get over the amount of replies telling you she's a princess etc. An iPhone is not an extravagant gift - it's just a phone and that's what they cost. You giving her 400 and telling her to pay the rest herself is an insult!!! My brother bought his gf a laptop, mi moneda chain and watch recently and it was just her bday!!

A 600 quid present is extremely extravagant. Your brother chose to spend that money on his girlfriend and that's his choice. My boyfriend is paying for a holiday for us - again his choice. Extremely extravagant. But their choice.

This woman, who knows the op less than a year, has told him to spend six hundred euro on her. That's gold digging and an absolutely disgusting attitude. Combined with a demand that he prove his love to her with this gift - it's emotional blackmail and a disgusting way to treat anyone, least of all someone you claim to love.

Lamp69

Odus fell down wrote: »

Your family must be swimming in money if you think an iPhone 6 isn't an extravagant gift. There's a good reason why most people have them on an 28-24 month contract. It's because they're bloody expensive and a lot of people don't have the money on them to buy the phones outright in the first place. Most people would be mortified if their other half gave them laptops, jewellery and watches for their birthday. It's overkill unless you're one of those lucky people who has loads of money to splash around.

Anyway OP I'm going to join the chorus of people who think what your girlfriend is asking is way over the top and that you should be careful that you're not being seen as a cash cow.

Mortified because someone bought you an expensive gift?!! I don't think so.

Lamp69

Ruby31 wrote: »

Is money no element in your life?! I'm envious! To me, an iPhone IS an extravagant gift, especially only 8 months into a relationship. I'm with my fella 14 years and no way would either of us spend €600 on a present.

I can't stand those princess-types who expect their boyfriends to shower them in gifts as a sign of their love!!!!

Obv money is an element in my life! Maybe I don't see it as expensive as Id have the phone earned in 2 days work. So maybe it's infair of me to comment on this. Apologies

Penny Tration

Lamp69 wrote: »

Mortified because someone bought you an expensive gift?!! I don't think so.

Lots of people would be.

I was mortified when my boyfriend spent a lot more on my our first Christmas than I did on him.

I was also mortified when he announced he'd be paying for our holiday.

I'm also arguing with him because he wants to spend 300 on me for Christmas and I believe it's too much.

Some people aren't greedy. Op's girlfriend is, and demanding on top of it.

El_Duderino 09

Lamp69 wrote:

Obv money is an element in my life! Maybe I don't see it as expensive as Id have the phone earned in 2 days work. So maybe it's infair of me to comment on this. Apologies

I think a lot of the issue was that the GF of 8 months was putting pressure on the guy to spend half a month's salary on the phone. People on 600 every 2 weeks (14,000 a year) are unlikely to have savings and can't really afford the phone. That's the context you seemed to have missed

aaakev

Odus fell down wrote: »

. Most people would be mortified if their other half gave them laptops, jewellery and watches for their birthday.

To be fair I don't know anyone who would be mortified by getting an expensive gift. I bought my girlfriend a car and expensive holidays, she wasn't mortified. The difference is she didn't ask or expect them. I recently offered to buy her a nice pair of Ray Ban sunglasses when we were going away and she said no that she was happy to stick with her 5 quid pair she got on holidays last year, it's because she is like that that I don't mind giving her expensive gifts and she shouldn't be mortified taking them

LegacyUser

Lamp69 wrote: »

Mortified because someone bought you an expensive gift?!! I don't think so.

If I knew they didn't have the money to spend yes I would be mortified. The idea that my OH would spend half their take home pay on a gift and risk putting themselves in debt over a phone that would upset me a lot.

retro:electro

Assuming this isn't a wind up, and I'm hoping it is, she sounds like such a selfish and spoilt brat. I would never ask someone no matter how much they earned to spend that much on me, and especially not to prove their love to me. I would actually be mortified if my boyfriend spent that much on me. How is she not embarrassed? Cringe.

Lamp69

anna080 wrote: »

Assuming this isn't a wind up, and I'm hoping it is, she sounds like such a selfish and spoilt brat. I would never ask someone no matter how much they earned to spend that much on me, and especially not to prove their love to me. I would actually be mortified if my boyfriend spent that much on me. How is she not embarrassed? Cringe.

Just curious - why would you be embarrassed if your boyf bought you an expensive gift? Have you never got an expensive gift before and that's why you'd be embarrassed?!

Ruby31

Lamp69 wrote: »

Obv money is an element in my life! Maybe I don't see it as expensive as Id have the phone earned in 2 days work. So maybe it's infair of me to comment on this. Apologies

But the OP stated that €600 is half his monthly wage, so that's what I was basing my opinion on. Your salary is irrelevant. If the OP had your wage, then he probably wouldn't have posted his problem here. His GF demanding he spend half his monthly income on her is not a good sign of a healthy relationship.

LegacyUser

Lamp69 wrote: »

Just curious - why would you be embarrassed if your boyf bought you an expensive gift? Have you never got an expensive gift before and that's why you'd be embarrassed?!

Your not looking at the full context here at all. Firstly it would be half his monthly take home pay therefore he can't afford it, he can't afford the 400 he's thinking of giving her as an alternative. He needs to realistic as to what he can't afford. Second the GF asked for something so expensive so either she doesn't understand how much the OP earns or he's lied to her about how much he earns (not likely if he's talking about giving her cash and saying make the rest up yourself) or she is acting like a spoiled child. Now maybe she was brought up by wealthy parents and has no clue to the actual cost of things but now it's time she learned not everyone is as fortunate and she needs to live with means and the OP needs to make it clear now what he can afford.

There is also the fact that it's not even a year together, if the OP doesn't explain to her he can't afford things what is he going to do at Xmas and her next birthday? Build up debt just to keep her happy?

And big issue is the fact that she has implied that the amount of money he spends equals how much he loves her. I've had plenty of expesnive gifts before, none I asked for but someone got me and I've had plenty of cheap and free gifts and you know what they all had in common? They were thoughtful gifts, I never thought about the price tag, all I saw was someone how knew me and knew what I would want and the gift reflected that.

Turtle_

I'd be mortified if someone left themselves without any money by spending half their wages on an outrageously expensive gift for me. I'd be so ashamed that I'd come across as so materialistic that they'd think I would want them to put themselves basically into poverty so that I could have a flashy phone.

It's absurd. OP, I'd actually nip this in the bud before her birthday so that there aren't tantrums and you don't get accused of ruining her day. Tell her you aren't getting her the iPhone because it's way too much on a birthday present. Ask if there's anything she'd like that's £XX or under, or would she like you to pick something.

And have a think about what type of person she is....

retro:electro

Lamp69 wrote: »

Just curious - why would you be embarrassed if your boyf bought you an expensive gift? Have you never got an expensive gift before and that's why you'd be embarrassed?!

Id be embarrassed for a few reasons, but mainly the fact that neither of us have much disposable cash would have me thinking what he must have sacrificed in order to pay for it. Unless it's an engagement ring there is literally no need to spend that much cash on someone for a present. If I wanted/needed something that expensive so badly Id save up for it myself.

osarusan

creeper1 wrote: »

BTW I constantly hear complaints such as "you don't love me" and "how have you shown your love?"

This is a bigger problem that your birthday present.

Nobody should be measuring 'love' by the cost of gifts.

I'd say flat out that I'd never expect or ask somebody to spend that kind of money on a present for me, and I simply can't afford to spend that much for her. I'd probably also say that I think equating love with expensive gifts is something I think is unfair and wrong.

K_P

Lamp69 wrote: »

Just curious - why would you be embarrassed if your boyf bought you an expensive gift? Have you never got an expensive gift before and that's why you'd be embarrassed?!

Isn't this a little needlessly snide?

Along with others, I'd be mortified if someone spent a huge amount of money on me for a few reasons. At the start of a relationship, I'd feel like the person was being hugely over the top and trying to buy my affection and interest. If it was later in a relationship I'd feel like my partner didn't know me at all as I'm not hugely into material things. I'd so much rather something small and meaningful that a person thought about than someone slapping down a credit card in the Apple store and asking for the pinkest Macbook money can buy. Just not me.

For others, if money isn't an issue for both partners and both partners love to give and receive gifts then good luck to them. Whatever way people want to spend their own money is no business of mine.

But for the OP, his girlfriend is demanding a very expensive gift which he cannot afford and strongly implying that he needs to go without or get himself into debt to prove he loves her. That is outrageous behaviour and I'd be showing her the door if I was in his position.

Lamp69

K_P wrote: »

Isn't this a little needlessly snide?

Along with others, I'd be mortified if someone spent a huge amount of money on me for a few reasons. At the start of a relationship, I'd feel like the person was being hugely over the top and trying to buy my affection and interest. If it was later in a relationship I'd feel like my partner didn't know me at all as I'm not hugely into material things. I'd so much rather something small and meaningful that a person thought about than someone slapping down a credit card in the Apple store and asking for the pinkest Macbook money can buy. Just not me.

For others, if money isn't an issue for both partners and both partners love to give and receive gifts then good luck to them. Whatever way people want to spend their own money is no business of mine.

But for the OP, his girlfriend is demanding a very expensive gift which he cannot afford and strongly implying that he needs to go without or get himself into debt to prove he loves her. That is outrageous behaviour and I'd be showing her the door if I was in his position.

You highlight that - after all the other remarks on boards?! Please. It's not snide at all

njs030

Lamp69 wrote: »

You highlight that - after all the other remarks on boards?! Please. It's not snide at all

Can't you see why ops girlfriend demanding a gift costing half his salary is wrong after being together 8 months?

ted1

Op Give her the gift of freedom and send her packing.

Lamp69

notjustsweet wrote: »

Can't you see why ops girlfriend demanding a gift costing half his salary is wrong after being together 8 months?

I guess so. But anyway it looks like that are not suited as she wants what he can't give. Be that material things or reassurance that he loves her

racso1975

I think the fact she told she wanted that for her birthday says a lot at 8 months. Anyway 3options for ya.

1) avoid all advice, buy it & see what she looks for at Xmas

2) Contribute towards it. If she puss's over that walk will be best money ya ever spent

3) Think of something romantic and do it as suggested above (don't wrap it in iPhone box that's teasing) if this does not please her walk.

It's 8 months dude and half a months wages!!!

nikkibikki

Imagine the engagement ring and the wedding she'll want if this is what she wants now for her birthday after a very short time together!

Spending money, whether you can afford it or not, on someone is not how to prove love. Affection and respect are some ways to show it. You are not being respected here OP. Hell, she's not even respecting herself!