Help! Date catastrophe

There's a girl I've been out with a few times, in a group scenario. Out of my league, but worth an 'agricultural shot', as they say, so one day, I tucked in my tail, and asked her for a drink.

I don't know whether I have much to say to her, so today I googled her forename & her workplace, just to see if we had might have common interests; we both work in the same area.

Not too weird, right?

Wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently. linkedin leaves tracks, and I'm assured that she will know I have "tracked her down" like some sort of miscreant.

HELP.

How can I reassure this girl I am not Larry Murphy? She will see my grisly pawprints all over her page, inexplicably, and forever refuse to accompany me anywhere not serviced by public lighting

chrissb8

Chill. Just say nothing and play it cool. She's not dumb she'll have expected that and if she thinks it's weird well it's not in this day and age. I mean the worst that can happen is what, she'll just leave it. Not the end of the world.

Ruu

Tell her you wanted to 'network'.

Tombi!

Mod: this would really be better off in the relationship forum - if you want it moved, let me know.

You Mirin?

There's no going back now, OP. Go all out and print out screenshots of her profile and produce them during the date as conversation points.

Half Man Half Biscuit

You'll be fine. Enjoy the art of conversation!

You Mirin?

You Mirin? wrote: »

There's no going back now, OP. Go all out and print out screenshots of her profile and produce them during the date as conversation points.

But only the zoomed-in ones, right?

Tombi! wrote: »

Mod: this would really be better off in the relationship forum

Thanks buddy but I want to sleep with her not marry her. This is eminently an AH problem.

Wtf is an agricultural shot

Half Man Half Biscuit

I hope it's not Pig in a Poke

Tombi!

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Thanks buddy but I want to sleep with her not marry her. This is eminently an AH problem.

Best of luck. :pac:

AlmightyCushion

You're going to have to break into her house and destroy her computer, tablet and phone. You can't just do that though, who breaks into a house just to break some stuff. That's pretty suspicious and once she sees that you looked her up on linked the day of the break in she's gonna piece it together. So when you break in you should steal some stuff. You should probably kill one of her housemates while you're there. This will really detract from the damaged computers. If you make it look like the computers got damaged in the scuffle between you and the murdered housemate, even better. The cops won't focus on the computers and why they were destroyed because they'll be too busy with the murder. You should probably scuff up the girl you fancy as well. That way they'll be less likely to suspect you. Why would you break into the house of a girl you fancy to steal some stuff, kill her housemate and then beat her up. That doesn't make any sense so the cops won't immediately suspect you. Now, this only throws them off the scent for so long. They'll do some DNA testing/finger printing etc. and figure out you were there. To prevent this you need to essentially hand them a suspect on a silver platter so they don't look for any one else.

To do this you need to find an ex of the housemate you murdered, preferably one where the break up was pretty bad. Break into his house and steal something like his keys or an ID/credit card from his wallet and plant this as evidence at the scene of the murder. Actually while your stealing this evidence you should sedate the guy and jack him whilst he's out. Then you can smear his semen all over the dead body. It gives more evidence for the cops to work with, adds motive and makes him look like a crazed psychopath making all this more plausible. Plus, once the story hits the papers people won't believe a word he says and will pretty much see him as guilty. It'll be an open and shut case.

This girl is gonna wake up in the morning distraught over the crazed psycho who beat her and killed and raped her housemate. This is where you swoop in and give her a shoulder to cry on. She'll need somewhere to live to so you can offer to let her move in with you. It gives you an opportunity to really advance the relationship in a short space of time. This is actually a big opportunity for you OP, don't waste it. Follow my advice and you'll be in there in no time.

Sir Osis of Liver.

Great advice Almighty,but if it were me Id kill her family aswell,just to be double sure.

You'd really catch her on the hop then,she'll be yours in jig time.

Fr_Dougal

All sage advice, guys. But wouldn't it be simpler to burn her house down?

fizzypish

Also if you really want to make sure you don't get caught, kill the state pathologist. I think we only have 2 so there'll be no one to examine the scene. O **** though, you need one to tests the smeared semen. Ok, just kill the good pathologist. Leave the ****ty one!

jimgoose

Deleted User wrote: »

Wtf is an agricultural shot

A swing with a hurley that results in a decent bit of a trench in the field but no contact with the ball. It doesn't achieve much but it's better than standing there like an overgrown nettle.

OP, if I were you I'd get me a half-decent rifle, head over to the Middle East and assassinate Bashar al-Assad. The Russians will think the Americans did it, the Americans will think the Russians did it, the Arabs won't give a fcuk who did it as long as they're not Muslim, and in the resulting nuclear holocaust everyone, including your Objet d'Amour, will forget about the weirdo who's been sniffing her cyber-panties on them there Internets.

fizzypish

jimgoose wrote: »

A swing with a hurley that results in a decent bit of a trench in the field but no contact with the ball. It doesn't achieve much but it's better than standing there like an overgrown nettle.

OP, if I were you I'd get me a half-decent rifle, head over to the Middle East and assassinate Bashar al-Assad. The Russians will think the Americans did it, the Americans will think the Russians did it, the Arabs won't give a fcuk who did it as long as they're not Muslim, and in the resulting nuclear holocaust everyone, including your Objet d'Amour, will forget about the weirdo who's been sniffing her cyber-panties on them there Internets.

This young one must be a modern day Helen of troy. The linkedin profile that launched world war 3!

seamus

In all seriousness, if she asks you just say you were on LinkedIn and her name popped up in the "people you may know" section, and you clicked on it out of curiosity.

You've asked her for a drink, she knows you're interested in getting into her pants, so it's not weird.

Akrasia

I think you should double down on the internet stalking. Find her on twitter, instagram, facebook, myspace, bebo, google plus, boards.ie, reddit... Find some interesting photographs or comments she has posted and make sure to bring them up as frequently as possible in conversation

Find her CV on monster.ie and compliment her on her junior cert results

sasta le

How do you know it shows up

Andre 3000

Tell her that you were advertising the job of being your girlfriend and her profile seemed a good fit.

frozenfrozen

Say you were trying to add her as your other half on linkedin, she'll understand

Noxin

From one stalker to another ->

Just log into Linkdin and change the privacy controls on the "Select what others see when you've viewed their profile" link to Totally Anon.
Problem solved as viewer history gets erased too afaik.

faceman

You're not doing it right ok. Print off every single picture on the internet you can find of her multiple times. Then decorate a room in your house with said photos. There should be no parts of your wall uncovered.

Put a small table covered in a red table cloth in the centre of the room. Lights candles on the table and leave a box of tissues and a hunting knife on the table.

Next, roll up a carpet that's about 5"4 in width and cover it in black sacks with the ends tied with ropes about a foot from each end. Leave that in your bathtub.

Invite your new flame around for tea.

She'll see the funny side.

irish_goat

Noxin wrote: »

From one stalker to another ->

Just log into Linkdin and change the privacy controls on the "Select what others see when you've viewed their profile" link to Totally Anon.
Problem solved as viewer history gets erased too afaik.

Might be a bit late for that as LinkedIn send out emails saying "Look who's creeping on your profile".

Collie D

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

You're going to have to break into her house.........you'll be in there in no time.

Boards should really start doing background checks on its moderators

Noxin

irish_goat wrote: »

Might late for that as LinkedIn send out emails saying "Look who's creeping on your profile".

Ahh, in that case he'll need to quit his job and move to a new county at least. He's been outed as a stalker now. There's no turning back from that.

OldGoat

Give us her ID so we can all have a look at her profile. With so many new views she'll just assume a glitch in the matrix.
Of course you run the risk of someone else usurping your position as potential partner to the lovely...whatever her name is.

biko

Linkedin only leaves tracks if you were logged in at the time. Even then it's not likely she will check or even care if she see you checking her profile.

Just act like a normal person and you should be ok.

The_B_Man

You can turn off those tracks as well, and it deletes your viewing/viewed history.
Just go into your settings and change it. Be grand.

jimgoose

jimgoose wrote: »

A swing with a hurley that results in a decent bit of a trench in the field but no contact with the ball. It doesn't achieve much but it's better than standing there like an overgrown nettle.

I'm still no closer to understanding with an agricultural shot is

sbsquarepants

I think it's something to do with liver fluke, or ringworm maybe

osarusan

There's no guarantee that she will even have logged on to linkedin anyway.

I have an account but haven't checked it in a long long time.

inforfun

Just dump the linkedin profile here.
We all will visit her page and that way we will push your "view" out of the last 1 million visits she had on her profile

Or go with Almighty's advise. That might be a safer solution.

somesoldiers

As said above, it only leaves tracks if you log into your own account. Otherwise you can see info without any traces, most don't have their privacy settings configured to stop this from happening

Jan Laco

osarusan wrote: »

There's no guarantee that she will even have logged on to linkedin anyway.

I have an account but haven't checked it in a long long time.

Most people will have email notifications on their smartphones. LinkedIn will send an email as soon as he visited her profile.

cml387

I may be a bit old for this, but surely if someone is being asked out they will sort of automatically assume they've been stalked online already.

I know in my day we had to depend on what was written on the lavatory wall.

Michael D Not Higgins

Ruu wrote: »

Tell her you wanted to 'network'.

Network and chill, as the kids say.

The Corinthian

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I don't know whether I have much to say to her, so today I googled her forename & her workplace, just to see if we had might have common interests; we both work in the same area.

Just avoid any of the topics you typically post on here and you'll be fine for conversation.

How can I reassure this girl I am not Larry Murphy? She will see my grisly pawprints all over her page, inexplicably, and forever refuse to accompany me anywhere not serviced by public lighting

As the old saying goes; you can't make someone love you, but you can stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

Boom_Bap

I havent been in the world of courting for a while now, but I thought it's common enough to do your research before a first date.

Just don't get too specific like 'remember on 12th Dec 2011 when you said you liked having your Christmas shopping wrapped up, I thought that was hilarious.'

Akrasia

biko wrote: »

Linkedin only leaves tracks if you were logged in at the time. Even then it's not likely she will check or even care if she see you checking her profile.

Just act like a normal person and you should be ok.

Yeah, if you can just fake being a normal person, you'll be fine

sheesh

yeah this happened to a friend of mine the guy told her about it at the date and laughed it off saying at least she was showing some interest. Don't mention it unless they do.

Badly Drunk Boy

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I think it's something to do with liver fluke, or ringworm maybe

Triple A Golden Maverick: That's A for Anti-scour. A for acidified. A for accelerated growth. Three aces to keep your cows healthy.

Ciba-Geigy.

Bovine mastitis.

LinkedIn is designed for networking in a professional sense. If she asks or it is ever brought up, just say that you were looking into extending your professional network and you felt she might have some good connections.

But since this is also AH .. <mod snip>it is AH, but there is a line</mod snip>

A very important point, has she looked at your LinkedIn profile, think of it this way you are going on a date and are keen enough to look her up, however is she keen enough to look you up before the date could tell you a lot about how interested she is in you.

But the LinkedIn profile will only really give you a sense of them from a professional viewpoint, so is that really a good indicator?

Potatoeman

Andre 3000 wrote: »

Tell her that you were advertising the job of being your girlfriend and her profile seemed a good fit.

And you're a good person to work under.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

LinkedIn is designed for networking in a professional sense. If she asks or it is ever brought up, just say that you were looking into extending your professional network and you felt she might have some good connections.

But since this is also AH .. <mod snip>it is AH, but there is a line</mod snip>

Ha. I was so confused for a second and I thought, "but I can't remember typing anything about there being a line..."

colm_mcm

Deleted User wrote: »

But the LinkedIn profile will only really give you a sense of them from a professional viewpoint, so is that really a good indicator?

Agreed, OP look at Bebo too.

Mr Freeze

seamus wrote: »

In all seriousness, if she asks you just say you were on LinkedIn and her name popped up in the "people you may know" section, and you clicked on it out of curiosity.

You've asked her for a drink, she knows you're interested in getting into her pants, so it's not weird.

Ignore this OP. Go with the murder plan posted earlier.

Mr Freeze

So how did the Date go?

http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/gardai-hunt-for-man-with-fresh-wounds-after-woman-assaulted-in-dublin-burglary-699406.html

Maximus Alexander

Mr Freeze wrote: »

So how did the Date go?

http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/gardai-hunt-for-man-with-fresh-wounds-after-woman-assaulted-in-dublin-burglary-699406.html

The article doesn't reveal whether or not he managed to get to the computers before he made his escape. The suspense! OP come back...