Did a sh*tty thing to my best friend, haven't spoken for a year and a half, any hope?

LegacyUser

Oh boy, here we go.

This has been on my mind for a while now and I'm gonna begin counselling tomorrow in relation to this, but can't wait until then to get this all out.

Rewind back to October 2013 when my mum unexpectedly passed away and I was just starting my final year of college as well, so frankly I was under a lot of stress.

My friend (we'll call him Bob) whom I knew from outside of college was my best friend at the time. We had a very deep bond and I really miss him.

But during the first few months after mum died my friendship with Bob wasn’t as strong as it used to be. I wasn’t myself and he was becoming frustrated and at times very passive aggressive, understandably in response to me not being my friendly self (I had significantly withdrawn socially, would not turn up to see him when we had arranged to meet up and was drinking excessively).

By the time early 2014 arrived, during this time he had become very good friends with another guy, who was in his 40s. Nowadays I don’t really care about such a large age gap, but at the time I was very uncomfortable with him frequently hanging out with someone who was 20 years older…but I was far too much of a wimp and a coward to tell him upfront. Bob and I saw each other less and less (all down to me not responding to texts and me not meeting up etc).

And now for the sh*tty thing I did…around April of 2014 Bob went ahead and booked a holiday for 3 to Lanzarote. He called me out of the blue about it and I was like “yeah, I’ll go I guess” Bob said “Haha, you’re a hard man to get in contact with, so just make sure you pay me back the euro” I was like “haha, will do!” but instead, I fecked off to Boston with my girlfriend (at the time) and didn’t tell Bob about it and we haven’t spoken since

He knows that I fecked off, because he turned up at my house in Dublin when I was in Boston and my Dad told Bob I was away…I never told my dad about the holiday to Lanzarote so I can only imagine the confusion the two of them had.

I know my actions must have hurt Bob (I was his only friend apart from the 40 something year old guy) and I basically left him out in the cold. And I am ashamed of how unbelievably cowardly I was.

By September of 2014, my girlfriend dumped me (rightly so!). I didn’t handle the break up well, and I the time I moved to Wales for a new job and basically lived in isolation from October 2014 to when I moved back home to Dublin a few weeks ago. During my time in Wales I went into a super drinking spell and severe depression. Now I’m FINALLY back on my feet and I’m doing ok. I feel I’ve grown hugely the past two years.

Nowadays, when I think of what I did to Bob, I’m kinda like “what goes around comes around”…and believe my past year was some well-deserved karma.

But I want to meet up with Bob and apologise face to face.

I’m not particularly nervous of how Bob would respond to me contacting him out of the blue…I know the trust he had of me is broken and if he is unforgiving, or if he ignores me completely or if he meets up with me and just straight up punches me in the face, I’m ok with all of those as there will be some closure at least.

So I guess I’m only posting this for some objective feedback…I mean, has anyone else been betrayed by a good friend? What would they think if that friend contacted them again out of the blue? Is contacting him in the first place just selfish on my part? should I just give him his space and let him live his life?

F*ck, I messed up! Any feedback of any kind will be much appreciated.

LegacyUser

First off, it takes balls to be so open as you have been in your post to say 'I F'd up completely'. So fair Fs to you for realising that, and not looking for sympathy/a way to absolve yourself somehow.

If I were you, I'd email him an expanded version of what you've just said. If I were him, I'd still be annoyed with you (which I think is fair enough), but it would go a long way to explaining things.

I don't know if you left him seriously out of pocket / what his financial situation is. Some people would view an offer to pay him back a bit insulting st this stage. But if he's tight on money, then I would offer to pay him back for costs of the holiday.

If I was Bob, I'd forgive you after such an honest email. But I'm sure he was very hurt and confused at the time, so id imagine it would be a bit harder for him to forgive and trust you again.

Hope it works out well for you OP, your post is so honest that I'd really hope if you emailed something like that, it would at least go some way towards repairing things.

PinkLemonade

Did you pay him back for the holiday?

GuessWhoEh

Awful person wrote: »

Oh boy, here we go.

This has been on my mind for a while now and I'm gonna begin counselling tomorrow in relation to this, but can't wait until then to get this all out.

Rewind back to October 2013 when my mum unexpectedly passed away and I was just starting my final year of college as well, so frankly I was under a lot of stress.

My friend (we'll call him Bob) whom I knew from outside of college was my best friend at the time. We had a very deep bond and I really miss him.

But during the first few months after mum died my friendship with Bob wasn’t as strong as it used to be. I wasn’t myself and he was becoming frustrated and at times very passive aggressive, understandably in response to me not being my friendly self (I had significantly withdrawn socially, would not turn up to see him when we had arranged to meet up and was drinking excessively).

By the time early 2014 arrived, during this time he had become very good friends with another guy, who was in his 40s. Nowadays I don’t really care about such a large age gap, but at the time I was very uncomfortable with him frequently hanging out with someone who was 20 years older…but I was far too much of a wimp and a coward to tell him upfront. Bob and I saw each other less and less (all down to me not responding to texts and me not meeting up etc).

And now for the sh*tty thing I did…around April of 2014 Bob went ahead and booked a holiday for 3 to Lanzarote. He called me out of the blue about it and I was like “yeah, I’ll go I guess” Bob said “Haha, you’re a hard man to get in contact with, so just make sure you pay me back the euro” I was like “haha, will do!” but instead, I fecked off to Boston with my girlfriend (at the time) and didn’t tell Bob about it and we haven’t spoken since

He knows that I fecked off, because he turned up at my house in Dublin when I was in Boston and my Dad told Bob I was away…I never told my dad about the holiday to Lanzarote so I can only imagine the confusion the two of them had.

I know my actions must have hurt Bob (I was his only friend apart from the 40 something year old guy) and I basically left him out in the cold. And I am ashamed of how unbelievably cowardly I was.

By September of 2014, my girlfriend dumped me (rightly so!). I didn’t handle the break up well, and I the time I moved to Wales for a new job and basically lived in isolation from October 2014 to when I moved back home to Dublin a few weeks ago. During my time in Wales I went into a super drinking spell and severe depression. Now I’m FINALLY back on my feet and I’m doing ok. I feel I’ve grown hugely the past two years.

Nowadays, when I think of what I did to Bob, I’m kinda like “what goes around comes around”…and believe my past year was some well-deserved karma.

But I want to meet up with Bob and apologise face to face.

I’m not particularly nervous of how Bob would respond to me contacting him out of the blue…I know the trust he had of me is broken and if he is unforgiving, or if he ignores me completely or if he meets up with me and just straight up punches me in the face, I’m ok with all of those as there will be some closure at least.

So I guess I’m only posting this for some objective feedback…I mean, has anyone else been betrayed by a good friend? What would they think if that friend contacted them again out of the blue? Is contacting him in the first place just selfish on my part? should I just give him his space and let him live his life?

F*ck, I messed up! Any feedback of any kind will be much appreciated.

You won't know if you don't try. Ring him and ask if he would like to meet up and chat. Talk about what happened and that you're deeply sorry. You've got no excuse for how you have behaved BUT you always have taught of him as a friend. It's like that saying goes "You hurt the ones you love the most" It sounds absolutely rubbish but it's true. I'm sure he knows deep down that you weren't malicious although you did go to Boston instead and I'm sure you've got a LOT of making up to do. Whether he accepts your apology, is all up to him. You can't beg or pled, all you can do is hope. In saying that, if he does accept your apology, who's to say that things will go back the same? He will probably never trust you again.

You never know unless you try. Ring him, if he doesn't answer then text him and if he doesn't reply, then that's your answer there. If he does reply or answer, don't apologise over the phone, ask if he's willing to meet up for a chat when face to face, then apologise. I genuinely think chatting over the phone about personal matters is just to quick and easy. When face to face, both parties can say their part without any hanging up or muting etc over the phone.

Honestly, OP, if someone pulled that kind of stuff on me, then basically shat all over my invitation of a holiday (after saying they'd go), then I just wouldn't want a friendship at all.

And what would it matter if there was a 20 year age gap between the two? Why is this an issue for you? Is it more so that you're annoyed/jealous that he's got a new friend and have used the age-gap as your sticking point?

orthsquel

Did he try to contact you at any point in the last 18 months?

What's your motivation to contact him? Are you looking to apologise and get that off your chest and let him know you are sorry for what you did? Are you looking to repay the money of the cost of that holiday? Are you looking to be friends again? Or are you just looking to get closure by apologising, be forgiven or not, and move on with your life?

tbh having had people come out of the blue and contact me in the past - after treating me badly - usually accompanied with some sob story or other, I don't think telling him about the last couple of years that you've been through is fair. It's fine to understand that after a bereavement you'd gone through some stuff, but he doesn't need to know the ins and outs of it immediately. Because it could heap lots of guilt on him for not being there for you, even if you were acting badly towards him, and might influence his decision, and for him, that might not be fair to feel guilty over that he feels guilted into being friends with you.

You need to keep in mind that Bob may have moved on a lot, and may not be the same person as you once knew him to be.

I would think you still need to sort your head out and still deal with what you did and how you felt and coped with alcohol through everything first before you go bringing all that into rekindling a friendship. I think it probably would be healthier for you to go to counselling first and deal with various issues including this one (i.e. dealing with guilt, accepting responsibility for actions and behaviour, etc) and see how things go, and focus on building a life for yourself first before you approach the issue of contacting him, so at least you can actually say you've sorted yourself and dealt with your issues rather than dragging them up in a rekindled friendship where they become obstacles or issues of tension between ye, or where you find yourself looking to him, hoping for him to be a pillar of support while sorting yourself out and taking the friendship for granted or finding that he is unwilling to fulfil that role.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the feedback everyone. Some really helpful stuff here that is all very eye opening. I've some serious thinking to do and choices to make. I very much appreciate the responses and time you all gave.
Thanks again everyone.

ColeTrain

Give him a call and ask to meet. Apologise to him and explain that you were going through a hard time. Pay him the money back right there and then ( if you can afford to, if you can't then tell him you'll have it to him soon ) It is then up to him to see where you stand but what you did isn't unforgivable.

The Princess Bride

Yeah, at least you can acknowledge what you did was lousy.Am sure you wouldn't like it if someone did similar to you.
I was treated shabbily by "friends "many years ago ' it took me a long time to realise that they were at fault not me.

Yes, you should make contact with this man, apologise and pay him back what he paid for holiday. Don't expect forgiveness -at worst, you'll both be able to move on.
That's enough for starters.

SATSUMA

Don't go near him if you don't have the money to pay him back. You cant expect him to think about forgiving you without that.

HiGlo

I'm not so sure the money is important at this stage. Yes, you should at least offer to pay him for the expense as it would be rude not to, but I think that the damage to the friendship is the more costly element here....

When I finished in secondary school, over the summer the girls I was closest to and had been best friends with for 6 years - hell some of them only met through me - organised a weekend away for themselves behind my back... I knew nothing about it till after they got back.

I was sooooo hurt. When I confronted them over it they thought I had no right to be so upset. I argued with all of them and never spoke to them again (awkward debs for sure!!). However, the damage has been permanent. I have a total guard up with people and I don't trust ANYONE - literally no one.

I think people can underestimate the damage they do.
I agree with orthsqel - what is your motivation for meeting up?

irishdude11

Do him a favour and don't contact him. Everybody goes through bereavements, and people may hit the drink a bit harder for a while after, but they don't act like psychopaths. Save the sob story...you treated this guy like crap for ages and he still invited you on a holiday and payed for it..and you stiffed him and didn't even let him know you weren't going. The level of disrespect you showed is hard to believe.

You have zero to offer him in terms of friendship as you have demonstrated in the past. From how you have described your actions I think you just have a really bad personality/mindset with no empathy for others. What is the point of apologizing..you can't just say you are sorry and it makes everything good, this is real life not a Hollywood movie. The only reason you want to "apologize" is for your own ego...you want to think you aren't a complete tool, and if he forgave you think you'd think you aren't such a bad person after all. This isn't some minor incident that can be but to rest with an apology, this was a defining incident that can't be undone. The best thing you could do is have no further dealings with him and cause him further stress...put yourself in his shoes, he must completely utterly hate you and have no trust in you.

IvoryTower

Don't offer to pay him back, pay him back

When you go to apologise to him make sure you have the money in an envelope and don't leave with it

Sinall

OP, well done for being so open here and facing up to what you did. Sounds like you went through a very hard time. Everyone reacts to things differently and it's great that you are coming out the other side of it now.

I had a friend who was really horrible to me over something years ago. She got in contact about six months later with a very sincere and heartfelt apology which I really appreciated. I think apologising to Bob is the right thing to do for both of you - start with a call/text/mail (whatever works for you) and ask to meet up - say that you've been home for a while and you're in a better place now and want to apologise for a few things. That way he knows you're not asking to meet just to pretend nothing happened.

Barely There

If I was Bob I wouldn't want anything to do with you.

But who knows how Bob will feel.

Paying him back the money is the bare minimum you should do either way.

Noo

HiGlo wrote:

When I finished in secondary school, over the summer the girls I was closest to and had been best friends with for 6 years - hell some of them only met through me - organised a weekend away for themselves behind my back... I knew nothing about it till after they got back.

Ugh had the exact same thing happen me! I found out because they posted pictures online, back in bebo days before facebook. I have never felt such a sudden jolt of emotional pain, I was on my laptop and my mum said I just went pale. It does hurt. I went to one of their birthdays a few weeks later but it felt so awkward, like I didn't belong with them anymore. That's the last I saw of any of them, over 10 years ago now.

Merkin

irishdude11 wrote: »

Do him a favour and don't contact him. Everybody goes through bereavements, and people may hit the drink a bit harder for a while after, but they don't act like psychopaths. Save the sob story...you treated this guy like crap for ages and he still invited you on a holiday and payed for it..and you stiffed him and didn't even let him know you weren't going. The level of disrespect you showed is hard to believe.

You have zero to offer him in terms of friendship as you have demonstrated in the past. From how you have described your actions I think you just have a really bad personality/mindset with no empathy for others. What is the point of apologizing..you can't just say you are sorry and it makes everything good, this is real life not a Hollywood movie. The only reason you want to "apologize" is for your own ego...you want to think you aren't a complete tool, and if he forgave you think you'd think you aren't such a bad person after all. This isn't some minor incident that can be but to rest with an apology, this was a defining incident that can't be undone. The best thing you could do is have no further dealings with him and cause him further stress...put yourself in his shoes, he must completely utterly hate you and have no trust in you.

Completely uncivil and unhelpful. Don't adopt this tone again in PI and kindly take some time to read the charter.

fluffybiscuits

Awful person wrote: »

Oh boy, here we go.

This has been on my mind for a while now and I'm gonna begin counselling tomorrow in relation to this, but can't wait until then to get this all out.

Rewind back to October 2013 when my mum unexpectedly passed away and I was just starting my final year of college as well, so frankly I was under a lot of stress.

My friend (we'll call him Bob) whom I knew from outside of college was my best friend at the time. We had a very deep bond and I really miss him.

But during the first few months after mum died my friendship with Bob wasn’t as strong as it used to be. I wasn’t myself and he was becoming frustrated and at times very passive aggressive, understandably in response to me not being my friendly self (I had significantly withdrawn socially, would not turn up to see him when we had arranged to meet up and was drinking excessively).

By the time early 2014 arrived, during this time he had become very good friends with another guy, who was in his 40s. Nowadays I don’t really care about such a large age gap, but at the time I was very uncomfortable with him frequently hanging out with someone who was 20 years older…but I was far too much of a wimp and a coward to tell him upfront. Bob and I saw each other less and less (all down to me not responding to texts and me not meeting up etc).

And now for the sh*tty thing I did…around April of 2014 Bob went ahead and booked a holiday for 3 to Lanzarote. He called me out of the blue about it and I was like “yeah, I’ll go I guess” Bob said “Haha, you’re a hard man to get in contact with, so just make sure you pay me back the euro” I was like “haha, will do!” but instead, I fecked off to Boston with my girlfriend (at the time) and didn’t tell Bob about it and we haven’t spoken since

He knows that I fecked off, because he turned up at my house in Dublin when I was in Boston and my Dad told Bob I was away…I never told my dad about the holiday to Lanzarote so I can only imagine the confusion the two of them had.

I know my actions must have hurt Bob (I was his only friend apart from the 40 something year old guy) and I basically left him out in the cold. And I am ashamed of how unbelievably cowardly I was.

By September of 2014, my girlfriend dumped me (rightly so!). I didn’t handle the break up well, and I the time I moved to Wales for a new job and basically lived in isolation from October 2014 to when I moved back home to Dublin a few weeks ago. During my time in Wales I went into a super drinking spell and severe depression. Now I’m FINALLY back on my feet and I’m doing ok. I feel I’ve grown hugely the past two years.

Nowadays, when I think of what I did to Bob, I’m kinda like “what goes around comes around”…and believe my past year was some well-deserved karma.

But I want to meet up with Bob and apologise face to face.

I’m not particularly nervous of how Bob would respond to me contacting him out of the blue…I know the trust he had of me is broken and if he is unforgiving, or if he ignores me completely or if he meets up with me and just straight up punches me in the face, I’m ok with all of those as there will be some closure at least.

So I guess I’m only posting this for some objective feedback…I mean, has anyone else been betrayed by a good friend? What would they think if that friend contacted them again out of the blue? Is contacting him in the first place just selfish on my part? should I just give him his space and let him live his life?

F*ck, I messed up! Any feedback of any kind will be much appreciated.

I will go out on a limb here, I made the same mistake years ago with a friend (well teh two of us did) and I left it for two years and then a year ago I caller her and just said lets grab a coffee, put all the past behind us and move on. We both knew we were wrong. You could drop Bob a text or e mail and just tell him how you feel and that you were not ina good place. He sounds like someone who is quite understanding and as us blokes know when you have that brotherly love between two guys its hard to break it unless you murder someone!

Give it a go

fluffybiscuits

Barely There wrote: »

If I was Bob I wouldn't want anything to do with you.

But who knows how Bob will feel.

Paying him back the money is the bare minimum you should do either way.

If I was Bob I would see the events of the last while created this situation...

MagicMarker

Write a cheque for Bob for the money you owe him, put it in an envelope with a letter saying how sorry you are about everything and include your contact details.

Leave it up to him if he contacts you.

faceman

Don't beat yourself up so hard OP, we have all have paths to follow and we all make mistakes. I dont know how Bob is going to react so Im not going to offer you advice around that as its largely pointless anyway.

if you can afford to pay him back, pay him back. Just do it and dont ask him.

Second and more importantly, clearly you are filled with remorse over the past and its great to see you have come out of what sound like really dark days as a new person. Good for you, many people never achieve that luxury.

As a sense of closure on that era of your life, then making apologies for the past is a way of moving on with your life. Sure Bob may be open to restarting the friendship, but even if he doesnt, it doesnt matter. If he doesnt accept your apology or is not open to hearing from you then don't stress over it. Whats important is your sense of closure through the virtue of apologising. You can't control how Bob will react so that's outside your control and in many ways, his problem to decide how he wants to react to it.

If it ends up being not possible apologising then you can make amends with yourself in other ways. Try to make good of that area in your life by making a difference in the life of others for example.

Best of luck OP and enjoy the new you!

Rubberchikken

first of all you're not an awful person. you're a person who was in a bad place at a time and did a bad thing. totally different.

two years later you've changed, you seem really sorry for how you treated your friend and so tell him that. i'd suggest writing to him. explain what occurred, if you can pay him back for any expense that he had, then offer to do so. if you can't do that at the moment, maybe offer to do it when you can.

after that, you'll have to let it go. you can't force him to forgive you or even to be friends again, as you well know. all you can do is apologise. maybe he has changed in the past two years (or so) and may have a better understanding of what you were going through at the time,

good luck

fluffybiscuits

faceman wrote: »

Don't beat yourself up so hard OP, we have all have paths to follow and we all make mistakes. I dont know how Bob is going to react so Im not going to offer you advice around that as its largely pointless anyway.

if you can afford to pay him back, pay him back. Just do it and dont ask him.

Second and more importantly, clearly you are filled with remorse over the past and its great to see you have come out of what sound like really dark days as a new person. Good for you, many people never achieve that luxury.

As a sense of closure on that era of your life, then making apologies for the past is a way of moving on with your life. Sure Bob may be open to restarting the friendship, but even if he doesnt, it doesnt matter. If he doesnt accept your apology or is not open to hearing from you then don't stress over it. Whats important is your sense of closure through the virtue of apologising. You can't control how Bob will react so that's outside your control and in many ways, his problem to decide how he wants to react to it.

If it ends up being not possible apologising then you can make amends with yourself in other ways. Try to make good of that area in your life by making a difference in the life of others for example.

Best of luck OP and enjoy the new you!

Excellent advice

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, OP here.

Firstly, I fully appreciate that everyone will have their own bias in relation to a topic that is so close to the bone as this, and I want to thank everyone here for their feedback, it really means a huge amount.

Secondly, (and for clarity) I want to say that my motivation to meet up with Bob and apologise in person is solely because I believe it is the very least he deserves. He was a great friend and i did him wrong. I am NOT expecting him to be willing to rebuild our friendship, and frankly I believe I would not deserve to have his friendship again.
Also, bereavement, my excessive drinking and the stresses of final year in college were NOT excuses of my behaviour, it was simply me trying to give the readers of my post some context.

And finally, I do have the money (thankfully!) to repay him (which I will offer him). But it is beyond the money at this point.

Counselling was overwhelming and very emotional yesterday, and now I've drafted an appropriate text that I'll send him tomorrow morning. I'm very happy I'm doing this.

Greenduck

Good on you OP. You are doing the right thing and even if he's not interested you tried.

He sounds like a really decent person so he'll probably hear you out. I'm kinda with the person who said not to offer the money, just text and say you're posting a cheque to him. He can then choose to cash it or not.

For everyone saying don't bother, he deserves better. Perhaps he does - but that doesn't mean you cannot try. If someone fecked me over, I'd appreciate the fact that had admitted their mistake and felt remorseful.

Best of luck OP and its good to hear you're getting back on your feet and making positive changes in your life.

maryk123

I would definitely contact him as it's still probably mulling around his head every now and then also. Time is a healer and all that. Well done to you for being so open and honest. We all make mistakes

LegacyUser

ColeTrain wrote: »

Give him a call and ask to meet. Apologise to him and explain that you were going through a hard time. Pay him the money back right there and then ( if you can afford to, if you can't then tell him you'll have it to him soon ) It is then up to him to see where you stand but what you did isn't unforgivable.

Actually, I think it is unforgiveable. Somebody actually did that to me. I was friends with a girl, and we decided to go on holiday together, booked all the tickets, everything and then a week beforehand she changed her mind and didn't want to go. Just left me an email saying "Sorry I've changed my mind and I'm not coming, but have fun!" I went alone, and ended up paying extra due to having booked twin rooms, etc. It was either that or lose the deposit I'd paid on rooms so I was screwed either way. When I asked her to pay me back the difference she got defensive and said she would "take legal advice" on whether she had to pay me back. Needless to say, she didn't and I've not spoken to the cow since.

OP what is your motivation for getting back in contact with this person? Yes you were depressed but you treated him like rubbish for ages, and then did the holiday thing, which I think is unforgiveable. Why would he want to be friends with you? What's in it for him? Why should he trust you? He probably thinks you're an absolute arse and never wants to hear from you again.

beks101

No further advice, just to say that I admire your honesty and willingness to address what was obviously a wrongdoing at a rough time that you now feel remorse for. Many people would do the easy thing which is to brush it under the carpet and move on.

What you did was obviously appalling behaviour but I think you're showing great strength of character here. You're setting your ego aside to right some wrongs and saying 'Sorry' and actively trying to become a better person. Something that lots of people just don't do.

Fair play.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, OP here.

Just letting you all know that Bob was overwhelmingly forgiving and he's happy to meet up with me next week.

In his very own words everything is "ancient history" and "water under the bridge"

I am incredibly lucky to know a man of such nobility.
This is a greatly valuable life lesson and deep down I honestly know that I have changed and matured immensely for the better.

Here's to living and learning greatly for the rest of my life.

rosie16

Do it! You won't regret it. I ended a friendship badly a few years ago. She was my only and closest friend at the time but I was a mess. I was in a bad place and I was afraid I would hurt her so I cut her out of my life without explanation. I'm quite ashamed of it and it was always in the back of my mind. So after 6 years, I apologised and explained why, the reasoning, etc. It was a massive relief and weight off me. It took a lot of courage but I'm glad I did it. Life can be short don't live with regrets.

Keane2baMused

Great to hear and I hope it goes well.

Just a bit of advice. Make a point of not leaving without giving him the money. If you have to throw it at him and run when you're leaving then do. No matter how much he says it's not necessary he will really appreciate you making the effort in giving it back in the long run.

Best of luck

laserlad2010

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Great to hear and I hope it goes well.

Just a bit of advice. Make a point of not leaving without giving him the money. If you have to throw it at him and run when you're leaving then do. No matter how much he says it's not necessary he will really appreciate you making the effort in giving it back in the long run.

Best of luck

Absolutely. It'll always hang over your rekindled friendship even if neither of you want it to. Consider paying back the money as the line drawn under the whole episode...

Great to hear there's a happy ending - a vast majority of people never really learn the power of forgiveness until they need it themselves.

CaraMay

That's great op. Don't just offer him the money, give him the money. It shouldn't be negotiable. Well done for moving on from this.

lukesmom

This is fantastic news. Forgiveness is one of life's gifts for the forgiver and the forgiven. I'm so happy for you.

MistyCheese

That's great news OP. Bob sounds like a very decent person and a wonderful friend to have.

I agree with others saying to make sure he does take the money; you say you can afford it - you won't be risking the electricity getting cut off or anything - so it would be a stronger statement of your intent to make amends for your previous, less-than-brilliant behaviour than simply offering the money. It would be the difference between offering to put things right and going that little bit further to show you honestly and genuinely do want to put things right. If he refuses to take the money I would seriouly suggest that you use it to do something for him.

Mick Murdock

Congrats OP. Can't believe how judgemental some people are here.

If you'd sent me the opening post I'd only have come away thinking what a decent guy you seem. Everybody makes mistakes and it was a horrible thing to do but it takes somebody decent to apologise and be as forthcoming as you have been. I'd tell him more or less everything you said in the op.

If you know the amount just have it in an envelope no questions asked. That's the minimum he deserves.

Glad things worked out for you and good luck.

fluffybiscuits

Or even ask Bob to go away and tell him you will pay for the holiday?