Some things I learnt in commercial gyms:

COH

- Strength & conditioning can be categorised as absolutely anything that isn't bodybuilding.
- There is no actual 'conditioning' requirement to strength and conditioning.
- It is impossible to actually define 'strength' but if it were possible it would probably be '5x3'.
- All that matters is macros.
- As long as you have a supplement company tshirt you're an expert.
- If you eat after 6pm, you're fat
- If you eat before 8pm, you're fat
- If you dont eat every 3 hours, you're muscle vanishes
- If you eat every 3 hours you have an eating disorder
- If a macro falls in the forrest and nobody is around to count it, did it even fit?
- Fats will kill you.
- Not eating fats will kill you.
- Macros dont matter
- Emotions are 99% carbohydrate.
- Excuses are 99% emotions.
- The pen is mightier than the sword, but how many instagram followers you got bro?
- The answer to any question is 'more bird dogs'.
- If you arent alpha as **** dont even bother trying to make even the most basic of lifestyle choices because you already failed
- If you say 'hypertrophy' and 'creatine phosphate' often enough you have a PHD from the University of Life.
- Energy systems development is the way you can charge your phone now without having to plug it in.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a 15 mega pixel camera so I'm experter than you.
- Motivation is on special offer this week from bodybuilding.com
- Knowledge does not exist in the absence of hashtags
- The only way to truly guage progress is by how tired you're spotter is after your reverse pyramid rest pause drop set
Simply follow these easy steps and you too can buy a gym membership, train twice a year, quit and buy an expensive road-bike because gyms are stupid anyway.
(Or have a highly successful career in the fitness industry)

Flatzie_poo

COH wrote: »

- Fats will kill you.
- Not eating fats will kill you.

Mine is summed up with this...

Transform

COH wrote: »

- Strength & conditioning can be categorised as absolutely anything that isn't bodybuilding.
- There is no actual 'conditioning' requirement to strength and conditioning.
- It is impossible to actually define 'strength' but if it were possible it would probably be '5x3'.
- All that matters is macros.
- As long as you have a supplement company tshirt you're an expert.
- If you eat after 6pm, you're fat
- If you eat before 8pm, you're fat
- If you dont eat every 3 hours, you're muscle vanishes
- If you eat every 3 hours you have an eating disorder
- If a macro falls in the forrest and nobody is around to count it, did it even fit?
- Fats will kill you.
- Not eating fats will kill you.
- Macros dont matter
- Emotions are 99% carbohydrate.
- Excuses are 99% emotions.
- The pen is mightier than the sword, but how many instagram followers you got bro?
- The answer to any question is 'more bird dogs'.
- If you arent alpha as **** dont even bother trying to make even the most basic of lifestyle choices because you already failed
- If you say 'hypertrophy' and 'creatine phosphate' often enough you have a PHD from the University of Life.
- Energy systems development is the way you can charge your phone now without having to plug it in.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a 15 mega pixel camera so I'm experter than you.
- Motivation is on special offer this week from bodybuilding.com
- Knowledge does not exist in the absence of hashtags
- The only way to truly guage progress is by how tired you're spotter is after your reverse pyramid rest pause drop set
Simply follow these easy steps and you too can buy a gym membership, train twice a year, quit and buy an expensive road-bike because gyms are stupid anyway.
(Or have a highly successful career in the fitness industry)

take a bow,

If boards had upvoting this would be number one

WHIP IT!

If I may add one more...

- The bigger and heavier the gearbag full of unnecessary crap you bring onto the gym floor, the all-round deadlier you are...

LostArt

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

COH

LostArt wrote: »

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

When I (eventually) launch my website you'll be able to do just that

COH

WHIP IT! wrote: »

If I may add one more...

- The bigger and heavier the gearbag full of unnecessary crap you bring onto the gym floor, the all-round deadlier you are...

I know this is true because I possess the worlds largest gear bag, and the second largest too... and two lockers full of stuff, and a supply closet, and the area under the stairs, and two shelves in the staff room

dinorebel

Saw that on fb both funny and true.