Boyfriend and his girlfriends

LegacyUser

Hi. Both parties in our late 20s here. I have been seeing a guy for a few months now, and I’ve come to realise that he doesn’t seem to really hang around with any guys. He exclusively hangs around with women and they all seem to worship him. I remember meeting his friends for the first time at a festival we all went to, there were about 8 of us in total there, and I realised he had slept with 4 of the girls there that night, excluding me, and some stage over the last 5 – 10 years. One was an ex girlfriend, they went out for years, the others had at some stage confessed their love for him, but he sees them all as just friends. None of this made me feel particularly special!

I’m really thinking of walking away at this stage, the whole thing unsettles me. One in particular, hits on him every time we go out and we are drinking. I’m supposed to be cool with that because “that’s just the way she is”, and she hits on everyone when she’s drunk.

He’s very good looking, and all these women seem to just swoon for him and hang on his every word and whim. The way they act around him and just the substance of their relationships just doesn’t seem real to me. It seems like all of them would go out with him given half a chance, and they’ve all tried it on at some stage. Often he'll go out to dinner with one of them, just the two of them. I never even do that with my girlfriends never mind opposite sex members! Can these friendships really be real?

I have a few male friends but they all know their boundaries, well not even boundaries but they are 100% platonic and they don’t seem to act any different around me as they would any other friend.

I just wish I could bring my girls out sometimes and meet up with him and a group of lads watching football or something, which is what any previous guy I’ve been with has been like.

I’m just unable to relax when he’s out with all those girls.

The other thread about female friends on this prompted me to write this, but it’s also got me thinking that I’m the crazy controlling one, as that’s how everyone is advising the other OP.

Can you please tell me if this is all right or wrong or what the hell it is?

I’m seeing a lot of red flags here, and I’m seriously considering just breaking up because already I’m starting not to trust him, and I’m not sure I want to be with someone who rarely sees his friends of the same sex. It also seems like he's missing out on the value of real friendships that aren't based on one of them fancying the other!
Or maybe I'm completely in the wrong here, I just don't know. Any opinions would be great to hear.

coolcat63

He's with you; not them. As per the other thread, if you can't handle your boyfriend having female friends then you should walk away. But to pick up on one point; it's not uncommon for people to have dinner with the opposite sex. Why wouldn't you even have a meal with a female friend?!?

LegacyUser

Have to disagree with coolcat63. In the ideal world, this shouldn't bother anyone but it's not an ideal world!
I find it funny he doesn't have male friends and that he seems to have slept with the majority of his female friends. This isn't to say he will cheat on you but the whole situation would make me uncomfortable.
It's one thing having friends of the opposite sex but for girls to be throwing themselves at him while you're around is uncalled for.

CaraMay

What are the other red flags?

coolcat63

coolcat63 wrote: »

As per the other thread, if you can't handle your boyfriend having female friends then you should walk away.

Eh, not quite the same.

cray-cray all day wrote: »

he had slept with 4 of the (7) girls there that night, excluding me, and some stage over the last 5 – 10 years. One was an ex girlfriend, they went out for years, the others had at some stage confessed their love for him, but he sees them all as just friends.

One in particular, hits on him every time we go out and we are drinking.

It seems like all of them would go out with him given half a chance, and they’ve all tried it on at some stage.

The person in the other thread had genuine, long-standing, platonic relationships with his female friends and nothing had ever happened between them. Your boyfriend seems to be surrounded by exes, some of whom act entirely inappropriately and he seems to be wallowing in the attention. Honestly, that would make me very uncomfortable and I'd be wary of investing more time in him.

HalloweenJack

In general, having friends of the opposite sex shouldn't be a big problem.

But here it seems like they're not really friends. I think you've hit the nail on the head: it sounds like he loves the attention of it all.

I think your feelings are justified but I'm afraid I can't think of any advice for you.

CaraMay

I've friends who are exes and I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole now. Just seems in this country men and women can't be feiends and especially if they are exes. This makes no sense to me. If uou didn't like them as a person in the first place why did you date them?!??

MadDog76

The core issue here is the fact that these "friends", female or not, are not friends ...... they're crossing the line on a regular basis ......... it's up to your boyfriend to talk to them individually and explain to them that they need to behave appropriately (like friends) or he'll have to distance himself from them ......... I doubt very much he'll do that though as it sounds like he like's to be surrounded by women who are available to him ........ might be an ego thing?

Either way I would tell your boyfriend to either have that conversation with his "friends" (if he actually wants to) or he can say goodbye to you ......... just remember that if/when you break up not to stay friends with him because his next girlfriend may be posting here complaining about you!

Exclamation Marc

I started reading your post thinking that you were way too insecure purely thinking about that other thread and the title of this thread, but reading your post, you make some pretty reasonable points, and nothing I can really disagree with.

It's very unusual for a guy to hang around with so many exes or 'conquests'. I really wouldn't be hanging out with any of mine unless I was desperate for their attention. It sounds like he feeds off the fact that these girls clearly idolise him. Does he hang out with these girls in his spare time too (outside of festivals and nights out etc)?

Having no male friends is very very weird for a guy in his late 20s, how did he meet all these people in the first place?

And finally, what other red flags have you seen?

The fact that they've all been declaring their love for him, have a history with them and he's happy to carry on letting him act this way towards him and by-proxy towards you makes me think he's really not a great guy deep down.

Whitewinged

Yea it sounds a bit dodgy. Id get out before you become one of the harem.

most people dont take their exes out for cosy meals.

Exclamation Marc

Whitewinged wrote: »

Yea it sounds a bit dodgy. Id get out before you become one of the harem.

most people dont take their exes out for cosy meals.

Harem is actually the word that came to my mind as well when I first read the post.

Very bizarre.

Barely There

You don't need a bunch of strangers on the internet to tell you what you already know - it's really weird.

OneOfThem

Whitewinged wrote: »

Yea it sounds a bit dodgy. Id get out before you become one of the harem.

most people dont take their exes out for cosy meals.

Only one of the girls is his ex girlfriend. Of the others, he slept with three of them on an occasion over the course of a ten year period. Little different. You've a group of girls in your group of friends for ten years. Sometimes you'll end up in bed with one or two. Not a big deal. Things happen. Doesn't mean you stop being freinds with them.

Exclamation Marc

OneOfThem wrote: »

Only one of the girls is his ex girlfriend. Of the others, he slept with three of them on an occasion over the course of a ten year period. Little different. You've a group of girls on your group of friends for ten years. Sometimes you'll end up in bed with one or two. Not a big deal. Things happen.

True, but the OP stated that of about 8 people there, he'd slept with 3 and gone out with 1. Discount the boyfriend from the 8 and thats all but 2 or 3 of the group he's had his way with (5 out of 7 maybe 8 girls???). That's a crazy high proportion of close friends with that much history to call your close circle of friends.

It's also odd that all these girls are friends together seeing as one is someone's ex and three of the other girls have bedded him and routinely hit on him or declare their love. Messed up.

OneOfThem

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

True, but the OP stated that of about 8 people there, he'd slept with 3 and gone out with 1. Discount the boyfriend from the 8 and thats all but 2 or 3 of the group he's had his way with (5 out of 7 maybe 8 girls???). That's a crazy high proportion of close friends with that much history to call your close circle of friends.

It's also odd that all these girls are friends together seeing as one is someone's ex and three of the other girls have bedded him and routinely hit on him or declare their love. Messed up.

Doesn't seem all that unusual to me personally.

Ten years is a long time. Sometimes people hook up. Don't see the big deal.

Exclamation Marc

OneOfThem wrote: »

Doesn't seem all that unusual to me personally.

Ten years is a long time. Sometimes people hook up. Don't see the big deal.

But they still try it on with them?? And one actively tries it on with him... It's not about having a history with these girls, it's that these girls are actively not platonic with him.

It's not ancient history.

Whitewinged

OneOfThem wrote: »

Doesn't seem all that unusual to me personally.

Ten years is a long time. Sometimes people hook up. Don't see the big deal.

Would you not be a bit creeped out if you were seeing a girl and she kept bringing you out with all these blokes she slept with and an ex? And if the exes came onto her in front of you and she just shrugged it off?

Tigger99

Do you know what makes me uncomfortable about this situation more than anything else? He's slept with these women and if one or more has tried it on recently I'd suspect that they still have feelings for him.

Take the fact that he has a girlfriend out of the equation for a second. I would imagine that if most decent guys were in that situation they might distance themselves from the one hitting on them if they (the men) aren't interested. It just smacks to me of leading them on, of this weird ego boost.

Also if one girl continually hits on him in your presence, all the time, and he reacts by blaming her drunkenness, it doesn't exactly sound like he's telling her it's not cool, it's disrespectful to your relationship.

He actually sounds deeply insecure. Like he needs the validation.

LegacyUser

Whitewinged wrote: »

Would you not be a bit creeped out if you were seeing a girl and she kept bringing you out with all these blokes she slept with and an ex? And if the exes came onto her in front of you and she just shrugged it off?

Nail on the head..

If it was the the other way around I bet the guy would not be very comfortable with it, as I am sure most fellas would not be.
When I read the O.P. the first thing that came to mind was EGO and by god it sounds like he loves having it massaged for him.
Leave them to it girl and find yourself a chap who the only girl in his eye is you.

OneOfThem

Whitewinged wrote: »

Would you not be a bit creeped out if you were seeing a girl and she kept bringing you out with all these blokes she slept with and an ex? And if the exes came onto her in front of you and she just shrugged it off?

The fact she'd slept with the guys at some point and one of them were an ex? Not in the slightest.

One of them coming onto him is a different thing if that's happening obviously. He should say something to her if it's making the OP uncomfortable.

But to be honest it's a new relationship and OP doesn't mention being besotted with the guy or anything so I think she should probably just move on. Doesn't sound like they have compatible views on things.

up to you to let him off if you're that unhappy. he's doing nothing wrong imo, but sounds like he'd have a great time either way. if he wanted to be having his wicked way with any of them sounds like he could be doing so, instead he's going out with you.

if you don't trust him, thats the issue. not who his friends are or his history with any of them.

Exclamation Marc

Deleted User wrote: »

up to you to let him off if you're that unhappy. he's doing nothing wrong imo, but sounds like he'd have a great time either way. if he wanted to be having his wicked way with any of them sounds like he could be doing so, instead he's going out with you.

if you don't trust him, thats the issue. not who his friends are or his history with any of them.

Nonsense, he's very clearly positioned himself in a group of women who idolise him, want him, hang on every word, actively move on him and clearly he feeds off their affection and attention. That's not just happy coincidence and speaks a lot about the guy's personality.

Manufactured Miracle

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

Nonsense, he's very clearly positioned himself in a group of women who idolise him, want him, hang on every word, actively move on him and clearly he feeds off their affection and attention. That's not just happy coincidence and speaks a lot about the guy's personality.

I don't think we're destined to agree much tbh

R.D. aka MR.D

You'll probably get a mix of opinions here and you'll get a few of the 'open-minded' slanted ones.

I used to be one of those people. I thought it was ridiculous that people would not want their OH being friends with their ex. I thought it was old fashioned.

What I came to realise is that I was an absolute fool. Being too 'open-minded' gives some people a licence to act however they want. If you don't expect your partner to respect you then they won't. Allowing that girl to come on to him, is not respecting you.

Does your gut tell you that there is something wrong about this whole situation? Don't ignore it.

Men and women can be friends. Exes can be friends. But there is no way that you say 'it's always okay for exes to be friends' or 'every male-female friendship is strictly platonic'. Sometimes things aren't right.

That's not being controlling, it's being sensible and protecting yourself.

zeffabelli

As a general rule my friends don't hit on me, the make ones neither, well for the most part. It's annoying when It does happen and makes me not want to spend time with them.

This is s boundary problem with friends who do this. They aren't really friends.....they are friends but friends because they want something from you.

If it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to put up with it. Tell him how you feel and if he can't see it then tell him you can't really handle it and then move forward.

Ave Sodalis

Am I the only one finding it hard to believe that all the OPs boyfriends friends are mad about him, and hang off him and go as far as try it in with him, despite knowing he's in a relationship, some of which is done in front of his girlfriend? I mean, it can happen I suppose but having 8 or so people who have zero control over themselves seems a bit over the top. Is there a chance that the OP is viewing this through a jealous mind and thinks that all of her boyfriends friends are trying it on with her boyfriend, when really they're just being normal friends...

Whitewinged

zeffabelli wrote: »

As a general rule my friends don't hit on me, the make ones neither, well for the most part. It's annoying when It does happen and makes me not want to spend time with them.

This is s boundary problem with friends who do this. They aren't really friends.....they are friends but friends because they want something from you.

If it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to put up with it. Tell him how you feel and if he can't see it then tell him you can't really handle it and then move forward.

Yea i think he's confused about what being a friend is since he seems to sleep with alot of them.

Also op you say he slept with 3 of the other girls but this doesnt necessarily nean ONS. He might have slept with them many times.

if a girl is coming onto him constantly then youd have to wonder has he given her a reason too. Also she doesnt see your relationship with him as serious or respect it, why is that?

Idle Passerby

I find the whole set up very odd. For all his charm and looks he must have very poor self esteem to consider his "best friends" to be a bunch of sychophantic admirers and Im embarrassed for this group of women apparently throwing themselves at the same guy continually.

it seems unusual that so many female friends would be passing around the same guy for 10 years and keeping him in their midst. Are these maybe the only women hes ever slept with? Does he like feeling like a lothario among them because he actually has very little experience?
It sounds to me a bit like the scene in almost famous where the groupies decide to deflower the main character out of boredom.
Are they all polyamorous? Something just doesnt ring true about it.

Idle Passerby

I find the whole set up very odd. For all his charm and looks he must have very poor self esteem to consider his "best friends" to be a bunch of sychophantic admirers and Im embarrassed for this group of women apparently throwing themselves at the same guy continually.

it seems unusual that so many female friends would be passing around the same guy for 10 years and keeping him in their midst. Are these maybe the only women hes ever slept with? Does he like feeling like a lothario among them because he actually has very little experience?
It sounds to me a bit like the scene in almost famous where the groupies decide to deflower the main character out of boredom.
Are they all polyamorous? Something just doesnt ring true about it.

StanleyOllie

Barely There wrote:

You don't need a bunch of strangers on the internet to tell you what you already know - it's really weird.

It sounds like he is a bit of a Simon Cowell.... lets hope he's nearly as rich. Unless you're willing to be part of the harem leave.

pookie82

cray-cray all day wrote: »

One in particular, hits on him every time we go out and we are drinking. I’m supposed to be cool with that because “that’s just the way she is”, and she hits on everyone when she’s drunk.

This alone would have me walking to be honest, even if all the other factors weren't at play.

Is he for real? Hey baby, come out tonight and routinely watch one of my "friends" hit on me, don't be mad, that's just what happens when she's drunk, you're not gonna get all jealous and controlling on me are you?

What planet is this lad on? You have years of head melting ahead if you stay with him. There's "trusting" someone, and then there's them taking the proverbial out of you in your presence. He loves the attention and will chalk their inappropriateness down to "friendship" and "history". And let's face it, any gf who dares to be uncomfortable with that can easily be labelled a controlling nut.

Do yourself a favour and leave him to them. R.D. absolutely nailed it above with the statement "That's not being controlling, it's being sensible and protecting yourself."

R.D. aka MR.D

sup_dude wrote: »

Am I the only one finding it hard to believe that all the OPs boyfriends friends are mad about him, and hang off him and go as far as try it in with him, despite knowing he's in a relationship, some of which is done in front of his girlfriend? I mean, it can happen I suppose but having 8 or so people who have zero control over themselves seems a bit over the top. Is there a chance that the OP is viewing this through a jealous mind and thinks that all of her boyfriends friends are trying it on with her boyfriend, when really they're just being normal friends...

This is actually happening with a coworker of mine right now. There is a group of 5 women who he considers friends that are all desperate to get with him. As far as I know, he's only slept with one of them so far.

It happens.

These women range in age from 25-32 so it's not like they are teenagers either.

He doesn't have a girlfriend but i've personally experienced girls coming onto an ex right in front me. It definitely happens!

pookie82

OneOfThem wrote: »

You've a group of girls in your group of friends for ten years. Sometimes you'll end up in bed with one or two. Not a big deal. Things happen. Doesn't mean you stop being freinds with them.

I think the oddity here is not that these girls are IN his group of friends, it's that they ARE his group of friends.

arayess

OP , i believe your bf is strange.
the vast majority of men would consider a man with no male friends weird.
He probably sees himself as a ladies man and is delighted with the attention.

If you were my sister I'd advise you to consider your position. There are plenty of decent men out there without that drama attached.

Typer Monkey

Idle Passerby wrote: »

I find the whole set up very odd. For all his charm and looks he must have very poor self esteem to consider his "best friends" to be a bunch of sychophantic admirers and Im embarrassed for this group of women apparently throwing themselves at the same guy continually.

it seems unusual that so many female friends would be passing around the same guy for 10 years and keeping him in their midst. Are these maybe the only women hes ever slept with? Does he like feeling like a lothario among them because he actually has very little experience?
It sounds to me a bit like the scene in almost famous where the groupies decide to deflower the main character out of boredom.
Are they all polyamorous? Something just doesnt ring true about it.

It's an odd set up alright. OP do you actually see these women 'coming onto' him or is he the one telling you about it? I wonder is he stroking his own ego by reporting back to you that all these women want him and at the same time thinking he's keeping you in your place/making you feel 'so lucky' to be the one that has him??

I find it hard to believe that any self respecting woman would be throwing herself at a man repeatedly in front of his girlfriend, nevermind 5 or 6 of them!

I had an ex who used to tell me that various women we worked with were coming onto him. It was usually after nights out when I wasn't there. I don't think these women were hitting on him at all. I think in his head he thought he was making me appreciate him more and keeping me on my toes because he could have any of these women (apparently!) but was choosing me.

Now he was probably hitting on these women instead and covering his tracks in case they told me so he he could use his usual 'she's crazy' line.


Messed up I know but he was very manipulative and psychologically controlling. Could anything like this be going on here?

LegacyUser

Hi again and thanks for replies. Well firstly to the person who asked what was wrong with going out to dinner – I guess I should have explained more. I personally wouldn’t ask one of my male friends that is in a relationship out to dinner like that, not just the two of us anyway. Maybe I’m old fashioned in all my 29 years but dinner like that was always something I done with a boyfriend, that’s just me though.

What other red flags? Well from getting to know him it seems like he goes from one girl to the next to the next and has been with tonnes of women over the years.

The thing is – these are the things people aren’t supposed to care about nowadays right? The past is the past etc? So this makes me an insecure wreck that doesn’t deserve him yeah? Why is it bothering me? These things didn’t bother me with previous guys. I think some posters may be right, that he constantly needs his ego stroked by women. It’s f**ked up.

No I’ve never seen this particular girl come on to him, not really, but they are very “handsy” every time they’re out. Constantly hugging or sometimes she’s even sat on his knee. This is a girl that he had some kind of thing with like 10 years ago, I think they just slept together a few times and nothing happened since.

How come when I'm around my male friends I never touch them? I'm never flirty or touchy feely or anything of the sort? I find it so bizarre that you'd carry on that way in front of your partner but he just seems to think that this is normal and that they're all very close.

I have actually brought this up with him, and he went and told his friends my concerns in a kind of “ohmygod you’re so controlling” way and now they all think I’m some crazy paranoid nutjob.

I don’t actually think I can go out with this guy anymore. On the plus side when we’re alone he’s amazing and we have a great time and everything is pretty much what I want from a guy but why he surrounds himself with these people I don’t know.

I am of the opinion that you just don’t sleep with your friends. If they are only friends they are only friends. I don’t have one person in my life that I have had any kind of relations with in the past right now. I guess I have to respect his way of doing things but I don’t think I can go out with someone like that.

I’m seeing him on Saturday and I think I might end it then, although he can be very persuasive and I think I may be in love with him.

giggle84

cray-cray all day wrote: »

I have actually brought this up with him, and he went and told his friends my concerns in a kind of “ohmygod you’re so controlling” way and now they all think I’m some crazy paranoid nutjob.
l

This is really really not ok. Ugh I'm so sick of this attitude that a guy can behave however he likes and if his gf isn't cool with it she's a psycho. Ok that may be a slight over simplification but you know what I mean!

I have male friends who are and have always been just friends. We hug when we see each other and we all call each other pet names but in a jokey way, like we all do it and I have the same pet name for the girls in the group as for the lads. Some have GFs, some are single. We do not flirt. Ever. Then there are guys in our extended circle who are more friends of friends so I rarely see and yeah over the years I've kissed a couple of them, even dated one for a while, but I don't consider them my best friends, would never text them or anything. And I don't flirt with them either because I have a BF and it would be inappropriate!! Jeez this isn't rocket science like!

For the above comment alone OP, for the fact that he made you out to be a psycho to his friends and made your position in all this even worse than it was just because you wanted to talk about it, for that alone I would dump this guy. He will never love you as much as he loves himself and the attention he gets from other girls.

Ave Sodalis

cray-cray all day wrote: »

I am of the opinion that you just don’t sleep with your friends. If they are only friends they are only friends. I don’t have one person in my life that I have had any kind of relations with in the past right now. I guess I have to respect his way of doing things but I don’t think I can go out with someone like that.

So she doesn't actually come on to him, they're just cuddly and because you're not, he shouldn't be either?

Also, friends have slept with friends. There is nothing wrong with that.

At the start, I was wondering whether some of this is projections from yourself but to be honest, this post somewhat confirms it. At the end of the day though, it's very clear you aren't compatible so I think it would be best for both of you to end it.

R.D. aka MR.D

sup_dude wrote: »

So she doesn't actually come on to him, they're just cuddly and because you're not, he shouldn't be either?

Ah here now, sitting on his knee? That is beyond a few cuddles. What possible reason would a grown woman have to sit on a man's knee (unless they are all piled in a car, which these days shouldn't be happening). That's crossing the line.


We all have different standards. Maybe some women would be totally okay with that but I wouldn't be. I would view that as incredibly disrespectful. It's up to you, OP what you are willing to put up with.

As you said in your post 'these days' we're supposed to be okay with xyz. You would think that but the way that I look at it the same way I look at appearance standards. Would I go to the supermarket in my PJ's or to work in a tracksuit? Not a chance but that's totally okay for some people. I'm not right/wrong and neither are they. People set themselves different standards. Just the same as people would look at me and say- would she not slap on a bit of make-up!

There is nothing wrong with being a woman who expects respect from her partner.

Ave Sodalis

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Ah here now, sitting on his knee? That is beyond a few cuddles. What possible reason would a grown woman have to sit on a man's knee (unless they are all piled in a car, which these days shouldn't be happening). That's crossing the line.



There is nothing wrong with being a woman who expects respect from her partner.

Where as I don't see that as a line being crossed at all, and neither apparently, does the OPs boyfriend. Again, it's putting her expectations onto him when it's not necessary.

There's expecting respect, and then there's expecting her boyfriend to behave exactly the way she would. Again, the OP and her boyfriend clearly aren't compatible and I think it's unfair to expect that her boyfriend behave a certain way because she sees an action in a way that it may not be intended.

Confucius say

Can't help thinking if it was the other way around, a man posting this about his girlfriend who's friends are exclusively male, you'd be calling him controlling and insecure. Why is it ok for the many women who claim they get on better with guys and all their friends are guys but people on this thread are saying it's odd the OP has no friends of same sex? For the record OP my head would be done in and I'd walk, regardless of who's right or wrong.

R.D. aka MR.D

sup_dude wrote: »

Again, the OP and her boyfriend clearly aren't compatible and I think it's unfair to expect that her boyfriend behave a certain way because she sees an action in a way that it may not be intended.

I'm in total agreement with you there. They aren't compatible. If he is 100% comfortable with her doing that with her male friends and doesn't see anything wrong with his female friends doing it with him, but the OP has a problem, they shouldn't be together.

As I said, different people have different standards. My fiance let me know what his expectations were for me and I let him know what my expectations were for him through a long trail and error process that involves communication, understanding and compromise. If we had of hit on a point where neither of us could see where the other was coming from, then we wouldn't still be together. He certainly didn't go around telling people I was a psycho or controlling and neither did I.

Virgil°

sup_dude wrote: »

There's expecting respect, and then there's expecting her boyfriend to behave exactly the way she would.

You can justify just about any behaviour with that though.

I don't think its fair to say that the OP is expecting a lot in this case. Several of these girls obviously want more than friendship with the guy. And he seems happy,for whatever reasons that are his own, to let them try their hearts out.

He knows that his current girlfriend isn't happy with it. He has to know that hes not being fair to these other girls by being opaque. He is both leading girls on and upsetting his girlfriend in one fell swoop.
Not the hallmark of a caring individual.

Ave Sodalis

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

He certainly didn't go around telling people I was a psycho or controlling and neither did I.

He didn't though. He said it in that way, but in fairness, if I was friends with someone for an entire decade, and a girlfriend of a few months told him that he had to behave a certain way around us from now on, I'd be thinking "woah, controlling much?" too...

R.D. aka MR.D

Confucius say wrote: »

Can't help thinking if it was the other way around, a man posting this about his girlfriend who's friends are exclusively male, you'd be calling him controlling and insecure. Why is it ok for the many women who claim they get on better with guys and all their friends are guys but people on this thread are saying it's odd the OP has no friends of same sex? For the record OP my head would be done in and I'd walk, regardless of who's right or wrong.

If a guy came on here and said he was going out with a girl who hung around exclusively with a bunch of guys and she had slept with a decent number of them. she would sit on their knees while they were all out on nights out together and then complained about him to her guy friends and accused him of being controlling, I'm fairly confident that a lot of the responses would be: Get rid of her. She's a headwrecker.

Confucius say

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

If a guy came on here and said he was going out with a girl who hung around exclusively with a bunch of guys and she had slept with a decent number of them. she would sit on their knees while they were all out on nights out together and then complained about him to her guy friends and accused him of being controlling, I'm fairly confident that a lot of the responses would be: Get rid of her. She's a headwrecker.

You're probably right. I've gone out with a girl that was kind of like this and it used to get on my chops. Never again.

Whitewinged

sup_dude wrote: »

He didn't though. He said it in that way, but in fairness, if I was friends with someone for an entire decade, and a girlfriend of a few months told him that he had to behave a certain way around us from now on, I'd be thinking "woah, controlling much?" too...

Shes his girlfriend though. And shes sitting there like a third wheel while his old flame sits on his lap.

Flirting can be very subtle. But if your at the stage where your touching each other and sitting on one anothers lap, then thats a familarity thing.

zeffabelli

It's not respectful. Dump him.

Ave Sodalis

Virgil° wrote: »

You can justify just about any behaviour with that though.

And you can justify just about any controlling behaviour by saying that he doesn't respect his girlfriend if he doesn't do as he's told.

Whitewinged wrote: »

Shes his girlfriend though. And shes sitting there like a third wheel while his old flame sits on his lap.

Or, she's sitting and socialising with his friends.

Exclamation Marc

sup_dude wrote: »

And you can justify just about any controlling behaviour by saying that he doesn't respect his girlfriend if he doesn't do as he's told.


Or, she's sitting and socialising with his friends.

Does it not say something about his calibre of "friends" that they know they're doing something that makes his gf uncomfortable and keep doing it despite it being completely unnecessary and disrespectful to his gf.

Ave Sodalis

Manufactured Miracle wrote:

Does it not say something about his calibre of "friends" that they know they're doing something that makes his gf uncomfortable and keep doing it despite it being completely unnecessary and disrespectful to his gf.

Not if you look at it from their point of view. They've been friends with this guy for ten years or so. I would imagine in that time you'd pick up behaviour patterns. Then this girl who your friend has only been going out with for a few months has decided it's not acceptable and is making your friend change how he has behaved around ye for the last ten years, just because she is uncomfortable.

If any new partner of any of my friends (male or female) told me and the rest of my friends how he/she are now expected to behave, alarm bells would be ringing everywhere.