Wanting to have kids

Cody montana

Any other gay people want to have kids?

I'd love to have kids but being gay the opportunity is somewhat limited.

So are there any gay folk who have kids and how did you manage it?

martinjudge73

Why not adopt? Many Kids with no family.

I don't believe in the designed baby thing and surrogacy. Its like buying a child to plug a hole and cutting intentionally its biological connection to one or both parents.

However adoption is a good option as you already have a Child that is missing a family.

eviltwin

martinjudge73 wrote: »

Why not adopt? Many Kids with no family.

I don't believe in the designed baby thing and surrogacy. Its like buying a child to plug a hole and cutting intentionally its biological connection to one or both parents.

However adoption is a good option as you already have a Child that is missing a family.

Adoption isn't exactly easy you know, it's virtually impossible unless you have loads of money and are prepared to wait years.

imme

How many would you like OP.

You say you want kids.

Is it something you have wanted for a while? Have you done any worthwhile research into your options/opportunities.

Adoption or surrogacy would look to be your only options.

In terms of adoption I think that outside of the western world there are so many people who have a terrible standard of living who will not even see 5-years of age.

mattP

eviltwin wrote:

Adoption isn't exactly easy you know, it's virtually impossible unless you have loads of money and are prepared to wait years.

Maybe he could consider becoming a foster parent instead. My aunt signed up and had a teenage foster child within months.
Now trust me - if theyre willing to give that woman a child the criteria arent very high, so any half decent person would probably be ranked highly :P On top of it all she is single so there was no partner that could pull up her rep
But I suppose "half decent people" (as in normal, run of the mill good people) is the best they can ask for. Its good enough for in or around 85% (guesstimating) of the other children in the country :P

Cody montana

martinjudge73 wrote: »

Why not adopt? Many Kids with no family.

I don't believe in the designed baby thing and surrogacy. Its like buying a child to plug a hole and cutting intentionally its biological connection to one or both parents.

However adoption is a good option as you already have a Child that is missing a family.

I don't want to adopt.
I want to carry on my bloodline.

Cody montana

imme wrote: »

How many would you like OP.

You say you want kids.

Is it something you have wanted for a while? Have you done any worthwhile research into your options/opportunities.

Adoption or surrogacy would look to be your only options.

In terms of adoption I think that outside of the western world there are so many people who have a terrible standard of living who will not even see 5-years of age.

2 or three, like a regular family.

mattP

Cody montana wrote:

I want to carry on my bloodline.

May I ask why its that important?
I myself believe that we're all humans parenting other humans, like 90% of that childs DNA will be the same as any other childs, the thing that inspires a bond has nothing to do with blood, it has to do with early mornings, late nights, blood (metaphorical) sweat and a lot of tears.

eviltwin

mattP wrote: »

May I ask why its that important?
I myself believe that we're all humans parenting other humans, like 90% of that childs DNA will be the same as any other childs, the thing that inspires a bond has nothing to do with blood, it has to do with early mornings, late nights, blood (metaphorical) sweat and a lot of tears.

For some people the desire to have your own child is huge. It's probably safer too as with foster care you're not the parents and adoption is all but extinct in this country nowadays.

mdudy

I want my own child(ren) eventually. Surrogacy is the only viable, yet expensive, option available at the minute, that I would consider to be honest.

Unless you have a very understanding friend of the opposite sex!

martinjudge73

Cody montana wrote: »

I don't want to adopt.
I want to carry on my bloodline.

Well you can only do that if you find someone of the opposite sex. If you intentionally decide to have a child that won't have one or other of its biological parents then you should think of the consequences of this choice. A Child should never have its mother or father pre-designed out of its life.

As regards adoption, You should trying fostering first. There are lots of kids who don't have anyone.

mdudy

martinjudge73 wrote: »

Well you can only do that if you find someone of the opposite sex. If you intentionally decide to have a child that won't have one or other of its biological parents then you should think of the consequences of this choice. A Child should never have its mother or father pre-designed out of its life.

As regards adoption, You should trying fostering first. There are lots of kids who don't have anyone.

You would be against surrogacy in all situations, then?

LegacyUser

mdudy wrote: »

You would be against surrogacy in all situations, then?

Only if it's the sperm and egg of the father and mother that will raise the child.

newacc2015

martinjudge73 wrote: »

Well you can only do that if you find someone of the opposite sex. If you intentionally decide to have a child that won't have one or other of its biological parents then you should think of the consequences of this choice. A Child should never have its mother or father pre-designed out of its life.

As regards adoption, You should trying fostering first. There are lots of kids who don't have anyone.

You say you agree with adoption and fostering, where no parents are present.But against surrogacy because one of the parents are missing. Contradiction much? You seem to forget thousands of women who cant carry a foetus to full term use surrogates to carry their embryos.

Your understanding of surrogacy seems quite limited.

Annasopra

martinjudge73 wrote: »

Well you can only do that if you find someone of the opposite sex. If you intentionally decide to have a child that won't have one or other of its biological parents then you should think of the consequences of this choice. A Child should never have its mother or father pre-designed out of its life.

As regards adoption, You should trying fostering first. There are lots of kids who don't have anyone.

Why must all children have a mother and a father?

martinjudge73

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Why must all children have a mother and a father?

Children naturally have a Father and Mother. Many children might not have one or both of their parents, however intentionally designing out a Father or Mother from a Childs life is not putting the the best intentions of the Child first. I am with Dolce and Gabbana when it comes to children, they deserve where possible a Mother and Father.

Gay people are perfectly capable of loving a child, why not give that love to the many children who have no one to care for them instead of deciding to procure one with a surrogate.

Annasopra

martinjudge73 wrote: »

Children naturally have a Father and Mother. Many children might not have one or both of their parents, however intentionally designing out a Father or Mother from a Childs life is not putting the the best intentions of the Child first. I am with Dolce and Gabbana when it comes to children, they deserve where possible a Mother and Father.

Gay people are perfectly capable of loving a child, why not give that love to the many children who have no one to care for them instead of deciding to procure one with a surrogate.

Why are a mother and father preferable to 2 mums or 2 dads though?

martinjudge73

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Why are a mother and father preferable to 2 mums or 2 dads though?

Nothing wrong with that, as long as the Child was not designed or denied the right to a Mother or Father.

A couple of years ago Elton John regretted his son did not have a mother, yet it was he who decided to procure a child with a surrogate and to remove the possibility of a mother. And then he went on the attack at D&G when they said a child should have a mother.

eviltwin

martinjudge73 wrote: »

Nothing wrong with that, as long as the Child was not designed or denied the right to a Mother or Father.

A couple of years ago Elton John regretted his son did not have a mother, yet it was he who decided to procure a child with a surrogate and to remove the possibility of a mother. And then he went on the attack at D&G when they said a child should have a mother.

How do you feel about straight couples using donors to have a baby? At least with a gay couple it's obvious to the child they were born with the aid of a third party.

mattP

martinjudge73 wrote:

A couple of years ago Elton John regretted his son did not have a mother, yet it was he who decided to procure a child with a surrogate and to remove the possibility of a mother. And then he went on the attack at D&G when they said a child should have a mother.

My aunt told me she regretted having her son. Very sad indeed, but it does not mean all women regret having children.
Just because Elton John said he regretted it does not mean that a) all parents would or b) a mother would have enhanced the childs life any more than another father could have.

c montgomery

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Why are a mother and father preferable to 2 mums or 2 dads though?

Probably because it's a better balance.

eviltwin

c montgomery wrote: »

Probably because it's a better balance.

I'm sure the OP and his partner have women in their life to provide whatever it is you think two men can't.

martinjudge73

eviltwin wrote: »

How do you feel about straight couples using donors to have a baby? At least with a gay couple it's obvious to the child they were born with the aid of a third party.

I don't think ANYONE should buy a child. Unless its someone who carries the baby for free using the genetic material of the Father and Mother who will raise the child. (like a women carrying a child for her sister)

Children are not commodities.. and Gay couples trying to fill a void create other issues for the Child who was designed not to have father or mother.

Gay couples adopting did not deny the child anything, they are just being open to helping when nobody else wants to.

ted1

eviltwin wrote: »

Adoption isn't exactly easy you know, it's virtually impossible unless you have loads of money and are prepared to wait years.

Kids aren't just for Christmas. Many couples spend loads on IVF and take years to conceive. Once you have kids they still cost loads.
Adoption shouldn't be ruled out

martinjudge73

ted1 wrote: »

Kids aren't just for Christmas. Many couples spend loads on IVF and take years to conceive. Once you have kids they still cost loads.
Adoption shouldn't be ruled out

Exactly. If a gay couple wants to support a child then adoption or fostering is the right path. Lots of kids that need support. If straight people object then just ask them why they didn't adopt or foster the child.

eviltwin

ted1 wrote: »

Kids aren't just for Christmas. Many couples spend loads on IVF and take years to conceive. Once you have kids they still cost loads.
Adoption shouldn't be ruled out

Adoption pretty much is off the table. Domestic adoption is all but gone and there are huge obstacles to adoption from abroad. A lot of countries are effectively closed for adoption and some won't take on same sex couples. There are people waiting years to adopt. If you want biological children as the OP does then it makes sense to try other means first.

eviltwin

martinjudge73 wrote: »

I don't think ANYONE should buy a child. Unless its someone who carries the baby for free using the genetic material of the Father and Mother who will raise the child. (like a women carrying a child for her sister)

Children are not commodities.. and Gay couples trying to fill a void create other issues for the Child who was designed not to have father or mother.

Gay couples adopting did not deny the child anything, they are just being open to helping when nobody else wants to.

Wanting to have a child does not mean you see it as a commodity. That's a really insulting thing to say. People who have to use assistance want their kids for the same reason people who are able to have them naturally do.

martinjudge73

eviltwin wrote: »

Wanting to have a child does not mean you see it as a commodity. That's a really insulting thing to say. People who have to use assistance want their kids for the same reason people who are able to have them naturally do.

Two men can't naturally have children. I have a friend who is the father to two children with a lesbian couple. He has them weekends, he is there father and they have two mothers. They are perfectly fine.

However when two men cut the mother out of a childs life completely and deliberately then its a problem.

We should where possible let nature run its course. Surrogacy is not natural.(for gay or straight people)

Look at the movie Any Day Now. There are many children like this. Gay people need to show their humanity and help children who have been neglected or abandoned. Instead of creating a child that is designed not to have what most children have.

Annasopra

c montgomery wrote: »

Probably because it's a better balance.

Says who?

mattP

martinjudge73 wrote:

However when two men cut the mother out of a childs life completely and deliberately then its a problem.

Why is it a problem? If the child was not raised by a mother then the child doesn't have a mother to be removed from.
I can see this going round in circles for hours and hours so here's what I think in a nutshell - Being raised by a loving parent(s) is all that matters. So what if two gay men opted for surrogacy - the child does not know a mother to lose. Instead (s)he has two dads who clearly want the child very much, and so will put the best interests of the Child forward throughout his/her life. I am aware that there are a lot of children out there in the foster care system who need parents - but that applies just as much to straight couples as gay couples.

Annasopra

martinjudge73 wrote: »

Two men can't naturally have children. I have a friend who is the father to two children with a lesbian couple. He has them weekends, he is there father and they have two mothers. They are perfectly fine.

However when two men cut the mother out of a childs life completely and deliberately then its a problem.

We should where possible let nature run its course. Surrogacy is not natural.(for gay or straight people)

Look at the movie Any Day Now. There are many children like this. Gay people need to show their humanity and help children who have been neglected or abandoned. Instead of creating a child that is designed not to have what most children have.

Why is there a problem? How is the child any worse off?