is being quiet truly a weakness?

Robsweezie · 10-09-2015 9:10pm #1

do you think the quiet and the reserved of the world need to adapt to a 'loud' society? should they compromise who they are just to be heard?

I am quite tired of the negative connotations of 'quiet'. I mean, total non communication is one thing, but if someone is a thoughtful type who chips in when they have something useful and worthwhile to say, and not any old brainfart, then good for them. Many of these 'outspoken' types just mouth off with no filter, not thinking before they speak. I have often felt insulted and patronised when told I was quiet. It seems the term is said by the louder types at the other end of the extreme who don't recognise what it is to pick your words carefully.

I do however get the frustration with mutes and those who just don't talk, at all. I believe you do regularly have to speak up for yourself and put forward your opinions for your own development, and it makes it harder to connect and to be connected with.

are you the quiet type? ever been labelled as such....and do you feel the pressure to change?

The King of Moo · 10-09-2015 9:14pm

...

knird evol · 10-09-2015 9:17pm

TLDR

Pipe down Rob.

darkpagandeath · 10-09-2015 9:19pm

Who is Quite these days ? Everyone I see is trying to out do each other be more Quirky or interesting than the people around them. Screaming into selfie sticks.

Hande hoche! · 10-09-2015 9:20pm

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Who is Quite these days ? Everyone I see is trying to out do each other be more Quirky or interesting than the people around them. Screaming into selfie sticks.

True, would add wacky.

NachoBusiness · 10-09-2015 9:22pm

Squeaky wheel gets the oil and all that and so yes, it can be a weakness, or more so a disadvantage.

Nib · 10-09-2015 9:23pm

I'd definitely be a quiet person. Quality, not quantity.

I don't do small talk or talk shit for the sake of it.

Bongalongherb · 10-09-2015 9:25pm

That is why I don't drink in pubs any-more. You only realise how much sh!te people talk when trying to enjoy yourself or have a decent conversation. Pubs are just full of loud-mouths and idiots talking pure adulterated sh!te. How quiet and calm it is far away from those loud-mouth-parasitic drunks.

Mr_Muffin · 10-09-2015 9:25pm

It's the social media generation - everyone trying to outdo each other.

EazyD · 10-09-2015 9:26pm

If anything being a motormouth is a weakness as no one wants to listen to your ****.

Valetta · 10-09-2015 9:28pm

NachoBusiness wrote: »

Squeaky wheel gets the oil and all that and so yes, it can be a weakness, or more so a disadvantage.

That's just cliche'd claptrap.

The only reason for speaking out is to communicate with other people. It's not a weakness if you don't have a reason to communicate.

If you've nothing usefull to say, say nothing. (Cliche intended).

Bongalongherb · 10-09-2015 9:33pm

I'm one of the generously polite ones with folk when they keep talking sh!t, I just tell them to stop talking sh!t and that usually works while they hold a pose of dropped mouth syndrome.

Being quiet is not at all a sign of weakness or anything like it. It's a sign that a person is listening but doesn't find it worth answering, unless it's interesting.

gutenberg · 10-09-2015 9:51pm

I can be quite quiet and reserved, depending on the situation; when I'm with friends and feel comfortable I talk more. I do agree that some people have no filter, but many are also afraid of silence in some way, and so feel the need to fill it with inane chatter.

OP you should read Susan Cain's Quiet, it's right up your street.

kfallon · 10-09-2015 9:51pm

A closed mouth catches no flies!

The_Valeyard · 10-09-2015 9:53pm

It works for ninjas

toptom · 10-09-2015 9:56pm

Being quiet in my schooldays was a good thing otherwise the brother would take out the shtick and bust your knuckels. nowadays too many clowns hyper from the drugs and drinking too much going sround the place

DEFTLEFTHAND · 10-09-2015 9:56pm

I'm quiet but not to the extent that I let people walk all over me. I can be assertive when I need to be.

A fault I have is that I don't really listen at times when having a casual conversation with a motormouth, I just go yeah, yeah and hope that they shut up soon. I tire of people who I don't find interesting very quickly.

Thespoofer · 10-09-2015 9:57pm

Two words ....Vladimir Putin

Mint Aero · 10-09-2015 9:59pm

You're a delicate wee flower rob

NotCominBack · 10-09-2015 10:04pm

This is why boards is great, we can say a lot and never open our mouths

jimgoose · 10-09-2015 10:04pm

I can command a room when I have something to say. I don't do it very often, but when I do it gets said and it gets heard. Much of the time I am quite breathtakingly rude - if I don't feel like communicating, I won't.

NotCominBack · 10-09-2015 10:06pm

It's a room jim, not the starship enterprise

Rezident · 10-09-2015 10:08pm

The extrovert ideal mainly persists in western cultures, in asia they actually prefer introverts.

We on the other hand, blindly promote, vote for and elect whoever gives the best speech, despite the fact that there is no correlation between public speaking and actual leadership. It does work on us though, look at a good speech by anyone say e.g. Obama, it really does work on us, same in most other settings like in work, we often promote the best public speakers to leadership positions. And we never learn.

jimgoose · 10-09-2015 10:14pm

NotCominBack wrote: »

It's a room jim, not the starship enterprise

Ah yes, "humour" - I do that too occasionally.

Spanish Eyes · 10-09-2015 10:16pm

Check out Susan Cain on introverts. Eye opening. Google it.

And I feckin dare you!

Quiet times are what we crave, but are not "allowed" generally.

Son Of A Vidic · 10-09-2015 10:20pm

Robsweezie wrote: »

is being quiet truly a weakness?

Not at all and it depends on the circumstances really. But you could follow the advice of Abraham Lincoln, who once said - "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

castletownman · 10-09-2015 10:22pm

Give me someone who knows when to be quiet, and doesn't feel the need to be shouty and extrovert when all round them is pandemonium, over someone who is constantly loud and the centre of attention, even in situations where some quiet is required/expected.

To me the "loud" people of a group are either the most insecure, are bat-**** crazy or assholes. From my own experience. And often fit into all three categories simultaneously

NachoBusiness · 10-09-2015 10:25pm

Valetta wrote: »

That's just cliche'd claptrap.

The only reason for speaking out is to communicate with other people. It's not a weakness if you don't have a reason to communicate.

If you've nothing usefull to say, say nothing. (Cliche intended).

Jesus, who rattled your cage.

It's far from just a 'cliche'. There are simply some people that should speak up for themselves but because they are too quiet or introverted to do so, don't and there are people in this world that will take advantage of that. Just because you seem to be unaware of that, doesn't make it "claptrap".

cowboyBuilder · 10-09-2015 10:34pm

I agree with you OP, but unfortunately in this world we live in , it´s all about performing and presenting etc ...

Is annoying, you never see HR people needing to do a bit of JS or pHp programming - ¨its not their thing¨, yet we still occasionally have to do teamwork training where you need to staple shyte on to your head and pretend your some sort of f*cking animal for "personal growth purposes¨ - f*ck off ..

Vandango · 10-09-2015 10:35pm

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

A fault I have is that I don't really listen at times when having a casual conversation with a motormouth, I just go yeah, yeah and hope that they shut up soon. I tire of people who I don't find interesting very quickly.

Tbh, I think a lot of us suffer from the same fault when confronted with such people.

10-09-2015 10:45pm

I think that being quiet is an advantage in life. There's nothing like being a good listener to teach you about human nature.

I'm quiet, but not a doormat. I've never felt it was a weakness or disadvantage. I think I'm more considered than many more verbose people. It's not a character flaw, and I don't apologise for it.

boobar · 10-09-2015 10:49pm

The nature of my work means that I'm constantly being bombarded with requests for meetings and demands to have this, that and the other designed and delivered.

So much so that I crave peace and quiet, this evening I went for a walk and headed off to the cinema alone. Now I feel energised again.

My extrovert pals can't get their heads around this at all.

knird evol · 10-09-2015 10:57pm

My communication is limited to presenting random film quotes.

'Do you find that this approach usually works, or, let me guess, you've never tried it before. In fact, you don't normally approach girls, am I right? The truth is that you're a quite, sensitive type but if I'm prepared to take a chance I might just get to know the inner you: witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal, a little bit crazy, a little bit bad, but, hey, don't us girls just love that?'

dd972 · 10-09-2015 11:35pm

Funny how people always equate quiet with ''sensitive'' and loud as ''thick-skinned'' like the two always have to go in tandem. I've an extrovert mother who flies off the handle and gets upset over the smallest thing.

Mister Vain · 11-09-2015 6:44am

There's the strong silent types and then there's the shy quite people. I was definitely shy in school. I'd still be considered quite but have more confidence now. Work and other life experiences can change a person. I know people who would talk the hind legs off a donkey but are still very timid when push comes to shove.

I agree with the social media generation thing and people trying to out do each other. Narcissism is the norm now. If people were posting the type of stuff online 10 years ago that they're posting now they'd be be a laughing stock for ages, but now we're inundated with so much shyte we've almost become immune to it.

Aglomerado · 11-09-2015 7:37am

I'm quiet, "aloof", reserved, whatever you want to call it, especially in work.

That's because I don't want to discuss Eastenders, dresses or children's parties. I despise the motormouths I work near who vomit out the minutiae of their lives ever opportunity they get.

I'm a good public speaker though, and hardly break a sweat giving a presentation.

Drumpot · 11-09-2015 7:44am

Candie wrote: »

I think that being quiet is an advantage in life. There's nothing like being a good listener to teach you about human nature.

I'm quiet, but not a doormat. I've never felt it was a weakness or disadvantage. I think I'm more considered than many more verbose people. It's not a character flaw, and I don't apologise for it.

Definitely agree with your sentiments.

I am generally considered an outgoing , sociable fellow but I am actually a private individual who most people seldom really know.

I do reflect on human nature a lot and it seldom ceases to amaze me how uncomfortable most people are being in another room with another person in silence. I learned to fill in uncomfortable silences with waffle and "banter".

I am learning to reflect and listen better instead of pretending to listen while waiting to talk. I think it's a trait many could brush up on!

realdanbreen · 11-09-2015 7:47am

I can spot a loudmouth from 50 paces. THey don't even have to open their mouth.

seamus · 11-09-2015 8:12am

NachoBusiness wrote: »

Squeaky wheel gets the oil and all that and so yes, it can be a weakness, or more so a disadvantage.

A quiet wheel doesn't need any oil

So one could say that people who are loud are the weak ones as they require constant feedback and reassurance from those around them to feel happy

Quiet people empower their own happiness.

BattleCorp · 11-09-2015 8:16am

Being quiet is only a weakness in certain occupations.

Assassin or sniper - certainly not a weakness in those professions.

QuinDixie · 11-09-2015 8:29am

The Quiet are quiet because they have little of interest to say.
The loud also have little of interest to say, but still want others to hear it.

Its a case of the boring versus the obnoxious.

Heat_Wave · 11-09-2015 8:33am

Nib wrote: »

I'd definitely be a quiet person. Quality, not quantity.

I don't do small talk or talk shit for the sake of it.

Reminds me of a 'conversation' I had at the printer in work with another girl yesterday. It went like this:

Me: hey, how'd the badminton go last Friday?
Her: camogie. Went well yeah, very tiring.
Me: ah sure you're great playing a sport after work.
Her: ha yeah thanks
Me: ha go on .. Catch ya later

It just feels so awkward..

Normal everyday chat or small talk!? Who knows

Fukuyama · 11-09-2015 8:56am

I've been called "quiet", mostly by people who only talk about Xfactor or 'I'm a Celebrity, Please Blow My Brains Out' type shows.

I did the MBTI test a few years back and it said I'm an INTJ - quit strong scores for each factor too. The test is flawed but it did make 18 year old me think about myself and why I hated nightclubs, why people said I can be cold, why I didn't much care for their opinion :pac: .

Anyways, offices can be great environments to "people watch", so long as you've enough caffeine and pain killers to withstand the aural onslaught.

I've often sat back with my earphones in (no music playing) and listened to full on gossip sessions among the office harpies. Bored women can be vicious when it comes to backstabbing bullying, I've observed. Shrill laughter, whispered secrets and half-truths were the order of the day.

More often than not it was on of their a fellow female coworkers who they would call a 'friend' that was having her reputation picked to shreds by this flock of buzzards. The funny thing was that one or two would leave the group to go do some actual work and then they became the subject of conversation! :rolleyes:

Only ever thought of interjecting once when they were making fun of probably one of the nicest people I've ever met, who herself is "quiet" and stays out of their little gang. Real deep cutting, personal jabs for no reason.

Their would be some justice if it all blew up in their faces but it rarely, if ever, happens. Not like on TV anyways.

From what I can see, loud people just yammer away to one another, about one another. And if they discover that they've fallen from someones good graces they immediately report to said person with good gossip fodder about another person, just to get back into the 'clique'.

Bunch of people bumping into one another.

The funny thing is that the most memorable conversations I've had have been with quiet people. The kind of conversations that start at 10pm and finish at 4am. And neither person has noticed the time go by or the entire bottle of whiskey being drunk.

Fukuyama · 11-09-2015 9:02am

boobar wrote: »

So much so that I crave peace and quiet, this evening I went for a walk and headed off to the cinema alone. Now I feel energised again.

My extrovert pals can't get their heads around this at all.

About once every two months I go to this deserted beach in Wicklow. I just walk along the shore and watch the ships heading south to France or Africa or wherever. The odd seal follows me along the beach occasionally popping up out of the water to say hi. I love it.

Mentioned it to a friend a while back and he look at me like I was a serial killer.

People don't get that it's possible to be totally happy doing stuff alone.

Gone Drinking · 11-09-2015 9:19am

Everyone enjoys some quiet time but the generally quiet people I know are usually quiet because they don't feel comfortable in their surroundings, or with whoever's in their company.

Given the right conditions, everyone I know who's generally quiet can be loud.

I think its healthy to have a good mix of both and a bit of common sense. Know when its smart to talk up and know when its right to be quiet, or listen. I don't think there's any benefit to being one more than the other.

suicide_circus · 11-09-2015 9:21am

I find that people who can't cope with silence and feel the need to chatter constantly are the weak ones - it displays a real lack of self esteem - the constant need for attention and validation like a hyper 4 year old. The type of people who never had a thought they didn't say out loud.

mad muffin · 11-09-2015 9:27am

je suis l'homme tranquille

OneOfThem · 11-09-2015 9:41am

Robsweezie wrote: »

do you think the quiet and the reserved of the world need to adapt to a 'loud' society? should they compromise who they are just to be heard?

I am quite tired of the negative connotations of 'quiet'. I mean, total non communication is one thing, but if someone is a thoughtful type who chips in when they have something useful and worthwhile to say, and not any old brainfart, then good for them. Many of these 'outspoken' types just mouth off with no filter, not thinking before they speak. I have often felt insulted and patronised when told I was quiet. It seems the term is said by the louder types at the other end of the extreme who don't recognise what it is to pick your words carefully.

I do however get the frustration with mutes and those who just don't talk, at all. I believe you do regularly have to speak up for yourself and put forward your opinions for your own development, and it makes it harder to connect and to be connected with.

are you the quiet type? ever been labelled as such....and do you feel the pressure to change?

Yes and no. Depends on the company and/or the situation usually.

Can't say I've ever felt insulted, patronised, labelled or pressured by someone mentioning that I was quiet though.

- "Jesus, you're very quiet, OOT."

+ "Suppose I am, yeah."

I dunno, I wouldn't read all the negativity into someone saying so that you do. The vast majority of the time it's just someone checking to see if you're ok, or pressuming you might be a little reserved and they're trying to draw you out of your shell a bit/ bring you into the conversation/ etc. Meant with good intentions, I'm sure. Don't think you should take it so defensively.

Why the presumption that people that are quite vocal don't put any thought into what they say also? Maybe sometimes they are just really really sharp and quick thinkers? Maybe sometimes quiet people don't say much cause it takes them forever to string a coherent or worthwhile thought together?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sONfxPCTU0

Aglomerado · 11-09-2015 9:45am

Fukuyama wrote: »

People don't get that it's possible to be totally happy doing stuff alone.

My mother expressed sadness that I decided to go hillwalking all alone last Saturday. Even though I enjoy walking with other people at times, this time I just wanted to go at my own pace. Reaching the top and surveying the lovely views and having it all to myself was bliss!

I'm an INTJ too.

And at work, I do hear horrible backstabbing conversations. The "ladies" toilet is rife with it. Also I laugh at the women who make multiple phone calls around the building twice a day to herd up their tea break pals. God forbid any one of them should have to walk into the canteen all alone. :rolleyes:

beks101 · 11-09-2015 9:54am

Of course it's not a weakness, the world could do with more thoughtfulness and well-chosen words.

It can make for a bit of social awkwardness though. If for example you find yourself among a new group of people, new job, wedding, meeting an OH's family or friends etc. We're a talkative people and small talk is our currency in those situations. Blathering on about the weather, what we do for a living, weekend plans, holidays, hobbies etc. It can be exhausting to try to engage someone like that when they're clearly not in their comfort zone and a bit put out by it. It can come across as aloof or in some cases, rude.

jimgoose · 11-09-2015 9:56am

suicide_circus wrote: »

I find that people who can't cope with silence and feel the need to chatter constantly are the weak ones - it displays a real lack of self esteem - the constant need for attention and validation like a hyper 4 year old. The type of people who never had a thought they didn't say out loud.

"Spot the illiterate braying ass!" is the thought that usually springs to my mind on encountering one of these "bubbly", "fun-loving" arseholes. "Restraints" and "Sectioned" are a couple of more words that flit across. :pac:

is being quiet truly a weakness?

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