Egalitarianism can ruin your sex life

zeffabelli

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/does-a-more-equal-marriage-mean-less-sex.html?referrer=

I've long suspected this might be the case.

You can have it all but Eros.

Day Lewin

Very interesting (but a very long article)'

There's so much in this writing that rings true!

I'd have to add, though, in the interests of accuracy: a few cautionary points:

A reduction of 1.5 times per month is not a very big reduction.
Correlation, as the author admits, is not the same as causation.
The age-group surveyed are the age-group who are under the most pressure in all ways - not just sexually - and we all know what is the first thing to go!

"Most of us get turned on at night by the very things that we’ll demonstrate against during the day."

Ah yes - 50 shades for her, and internet porn for him - there's a reason!

But still - serious food for thought.

Nymeria

Why didn't you post this in The Gentleman's Club as well? Both men and women are responsible for the state of a marriage...

zeffabelli

Nymeria wrote: »

Why didn't you post this in The Gentleman's Club as well? Both men and women are responsible for the state of a marriage...

Feel free to.

happypants

OMG I want my 20minutes back.

Just reading that was a chore. Also it's not even that accurate, I know personally speaking, the more my OH helps out, the more inclined I am to do it. Purely because I'm not as tired from doing everything without help. I would say most women are the same.

Carlos Orange

katemarch wrote: »

A reduction of 1.5 times per month is not a very big reduction.

The mean sexual frequency reported per month was 5.16 for men and 5.59 for women so it is about 25-30% of the mean value for couples.
It is also about 3 times the average increase in the number of sexually satisfying events per month reported for the recently FDA approved female libido drug.

Day Lewin

Oh, I just thought it meant something like,

"We used to do the Deed about eight times a month and now it's more like seven..." (Knackered from all that housework, possibly)

Meh --- not too high a price to pay - some would say. [And others might disagree strongly, I am aware]

fatknacker

I never understood this "too tired to have sex" mentality. I mean, it only takes a few minutes...

DunnoKiddo

Tis my contention that any theory can be proved or disproved in any study... given the variables of test subjects and circumstances.
I am surrounded by a multitude of happy egalitarian couples that could easily prove their findings invalid.

whatawaster81

fatknacker wrote: »

I never understood this "too tired to have sex" mentality. I mean, it only takes a few minutes...

Speak for yourself;)

OneOfThem

Maybe you should get naked and just dive on him Zef?

I am going to write one of them self-help books and make my fortune


To have an amazing fantastic on going sex life with someone.

(1) don't get in to a relationship/ marry someone you don't fancy and vice versa they have to fancy you, noting will fix a relationship that wasn't right in the first place I am sure there are lots of thing you can work on but attraction to each other is either there or its not.

(2) Have as little stress as possible, babies, small children, keeping a home, financial worries, stressful careers all affect intimate relationships, Not a lot you can do about this one except realising that when the children grow up ect you will have a lot more time for each other.


(3) Think of your partner as your lover but this only works if (1) is present.


(4) less navel gazing.

zeffabelli

mariaalice wrote: »

I am going to write one of them self-help books and make my fortune


To have an amazing fantastic on going sex life with someone.

(1) don't get in to a relationship/ marry someone you don't fancy and vice versa they have to fancy you, noting will fix a relationship that wasn't right in the first place I am sure there are lots of thing you can work on but attraction to each other is either there or its not.

(2) Have as little stress as possible, babies, small children, keeping a home, financial worries, stressful careers all affect intimate relationships, Not a lot you can do about this one except realising that when the children grow up ect you will have a lot more time for each other.


(3) Think of your partner as your lover but this only works if (1) is present.


(4) less navel gazing.

This would work possibly if people married people they fancied and not boxes ticked down a checklist and then wonder in dismay how did they get here?

Also romance fades, we shouldn't get too attached to it.

Day Lewin

Romance also revives. Take my word for it! *wink* *nudge*