Weight loss after an eating disorder (please read before commenting)

Parchment

Hi All,

I am a 31 year old woman. I suffered from restrictive anorexia for about 2.5 years - i also exercised excessively. I dropped to quite a low weight for my above average height. I refused inpatient treatment and under the care of my gp, a psychiatrist and subsequently a therapist i recovered, well recovered as much as i think you can.

Around January 2015 i got back to my pre-anorexia weight. I am now heavier than i was before i had anorexia. I do not weigh myself - so i cannot tell you my weight now but i tried on a pair of trousers that fit me the summer before i started suffering from problems with my eating and they will not close. I knew i was gaining but ignored it for a long time - as you can understand.

I feel better, i have energy but i am very unhappy with this extra weight. its mainly on my tummy.I would estimate i have an extra 10lbs (maybe a tad less - possibly 8lbs). I can only judge by my clothes. Part of me knows i am still eating too many sweets/chocolates - and that was ok when i needed to gain but i need to stop now but its hard to go back to that restrictive mentality.

i was always athletic and i still am - all through recovery i stayed active. I go to the gym 5-6 days each week (cardio and circuit training). I walk( brisk) for at least an hour each day and i also do yoga when i can.

My normal weekday food looks like this: (i'm a vegetarian)
Breakfast:
Bowl of porridge made with water/berries & 1 cup tea. Or a fruit salad with some Kefir and Muslei
Lunch:
Green smoothie, 2-3 Ryvitas.
Dinner :
Some form of salad with beans/goats cheese/seeds/veg
Snacks : i usually have a piece of fruit mid-morning

In the evenings i can find myself eating a few mini chocolate bars or even a pack of cookies (the ones with about 6 cookies in it) - sometimes the evenings can get a bit off track. I always feel disappointed with myself.

I find i still have a big "treat" after grocery shopping also - chocolates/biscuits. These are leftovers from my weight gain mentality. I just cant seem to convince myself to stop. Its never a binge - i dont stuff it into my mouth, i never purge my food.

The weekends i feel a bit reckless and eat breads etc. I want to lose my belly and shed a few pounds. Also - i dont smoke, i dont drink and as mentioned above i dont eat any meat/fish/poultry.

Has anyone any advice? It would be amazing to hear from someone who has suffered with an ED - as many people dont get how hard it is to remove emotion from food and food rituals.

Hopefully that made some sense! thanks.

Alf Veedersane

Hey. I can't comment from direct experience but I can empathise.

You know where the 'problem' foods are as regards the weight gain so there are ways to start whittling away at it without feeling like it needs to be restrictive. Instead of buying packs of mini bars maybe just buy a bar. For example I know Dunnes had a deal on a 3-pack of smaller Crunchies. Probably 130 kcals each. One full Crunchie is about 190. Having one small one is better than a large one but it's hard to stop at the one small one cos sure it was only a small one.

But you can slowly reduce the treats without feeling like you're cutting them out. Eventually you will be able to get back to a good balance of good food and treats.

I had to go from not being restrictive at all because, well I just purged when I went too are, to restricting treats in a big way because I felt I had to or I would end up putting on a lot of weight. But I slowly introduced treats back into it as my relationship with food improved.

Slow changes will help so that you're not trying to restrict. Just reduce a little. Over time, reduce a little more. There's no need to cut it out altogether.

If that makes sense. ..

Alf Veedersane

I meant to add, fair play on coming out the other side!

Parchment

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

I meant to add, fair play on coming out the other side!

Thanks so much. I re-read my post and i can see i have the answers in it. I guess i wanted to type it to see it and get non-biased opinions on it. Family and friends just want to protect me and are terrified of me going back to old ways.

I am still allowed to want to lose weight - i just now know i need to be healthy above all things.

Thanks for your post.

Dolbert

Fair play for being so honest here. I know this might be hard, but you need to eat more during the day to avoid hitting the junk at night. You're not eating enough at mealtimes so your blood sugars are bound to be low, hence the reaching for the sweet stuff. Try to increase the amount of protein and good fats in your meals and you'll feel a lot more stable in the evenings.

Alf Veedersane

Parchment wrote: »

Thanks so much. I re-read my post and i can see i have the answers in it. I guess i wanted to type it to see it and get non-biased opinions on it. Family and friends just want to protect me and are terrified of me going back to old ways.

I am still allowed to want to lose weight - i just now know i need to be healthy above all things.

Thanks for your post.

When people know what you've been through, it's difficult not to associate it with all of the negative behaviour that took you to your lowest point.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to tidy up what you eat. Once it doesn't reach towards negatives.

Treats are fine. They're enjoyable. All it needs is just keeping the proportion of them in your overall diet in check.

But once you trim the treats a bit, I'd look at adding a bit more to your lunch and dinner. Protein and fat for satiety.

Parchment

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

When people know what you've been through, it's difficult not to associate it with all of the negative behaviour that took you to your lowest point.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to tidy up what you eat. Once it doesn't reach towards negatives.

Treats are fine. They're enjoyable. All it needs is just keeping the proportion of them in your overall diet in check.

But once you trim the treats a bit, I'd look at adding a bit more to your lunch and dinner. Protein and fat for satiety.

Thanks again for this advice. I know i need to relax about food a bit too and just go with my intuition
.

El_Dangeroso

You honestly need to go back to your GP to get expert advice.

This is beyond the realm of asking random people on the internet.

You are still in recovery and you risk that recovery by not seeking professional support with this.

The rate of relapse in anorexia is 30-50% so you really can't go it alone on this one, it's too risky.

Parchment

El_Dangeroso wrote: »

You honestly need to go back to your GP to get expert advice.

This is beyond the realm of asking random people on the internet.

You are still in recovery and you risk that recovery by not seeking professional support with this.

The rate of relapse in anorexia is 30-50% so you really can't go it alone on this one, it's too risky.

I see my gp regularly. She is happy with my weight but also understands that someone who has had an eating disorder and has recovered is still allowed to be unhappy with their body - just like everyone else is allowed.

I now can see what i need to be careful of and take a sane attitude to losing weight.

I have seen a dietician etc during the course of my recovery.

abdobal

Hi everybody,
You need to go back to your GP to get expert advice.

Parchment

abdobal wrote: »

Hi everybody,
You need to go back to your GP to get expert advice.

I know your intentions are good but please understand people who suffer from eating disorders can recover and do. We are not insane people incapable of looking after ourselves. i unfortunately suffered with an Eating Disorder, i am now medically recovered and entitled to feel like everyone else does about their body.

Alf Veedersane

Parchment wrote: »

I know your intentions are good but please understand people who suffer from eating disorders can recover and do. We are not insane people incapable of looking after ourselves. i unfortunately suffered with an Eating Disorder, i am now medically recovered and entitled to feel like everyone else does about their body.

Previous poster is like a spambot so I'd disregard that.

People can be afraid to say anything because, without knowing, you could be one of the many on the road to relapse.

Thing is, given you're regularly engaged with the doctor so I can only take if at face value that you're recovered.

Anyway, you can look to improve your nutrition without getting fixated on it such that it's worrisome. You just have to be aware of the signs where it's becoming a negative.

I love the Danny Lennon quote that if your nutrition isn't enhancing your life, you're doing it wrong because it holds true for a million different scenarios.

bucketybuck

Parchment wrote: »

I know your intentions are good but please understand people who suffer from eating disorders can recover and do. We are not insane people incapable of looking after ourselves. i unfortunately suffered with an Eating Disorder, i am now medically recovered and entitled to feel like everyone else does about their body.

And yet in your OP you make a point of not saying what your actual weight is. Thats a red flag, why not state your weight and your goals? You certainly don't have to, but not doing so would suggest you think it would draw negative comments.

You say you had an ED, now you are saying that you are unhappy with your body and just want to shed a few pounds. This despite a diet that wouldn't keep me going for ten minutes. Personally I also think you should be very, very careful here.

El_Dangeroso

bucketybuck wrote: »

This despite a diet that wouldn't keep me going for ten minutes. Personally I also think you should be very, very careful here.

Yes, OP, that was a red flag to me too. I doubt your daily diet you have listed comprises more than 1,000 cals, basically starvation diet.

I'm not saying this because I don't believe you have recovered (I do) I'm saying this because there is an inherent risk of relapse here.

Could a dietician that you worked with before not help you here?

People on an internet forum are grossly unqualified and some of our otherwise well-intentioned advice could actually risk your recovery and the progress you've made so far.

Parchment

I dont state my weight because i dont know it. I dont weigh myself - its not something that is positive for me. i can tell i am bigger as clothes dont fit anymore.

Thanks to all that answered positively.

Greenduck

Hi Parchment,

By any chance have you been seeing/are seeing a counsellor for your eating disorder? This is a good way to talk through the emotional aspects this might bring up for you while you're trying to lose a little weight. Its also important you let your dietician know about what you're trying to achieve and your past issues with food.

Of course you're allowed to have issues with your body, I'd say a high percentage of the population do! However you know yourself how tempting it could be to fall back into old habits. Your friends and family will try and deter you because they care - you'd probably do the same yourself if the roles were reversed.

You really need to be honest with yourself through this. Eating disorders are a type of addiction but can be even more complex as you need food to survive. Check in with yourself every day, at every meal and be mindful of what thoughts are coming into your head. You can eat well and still lose weight. Focus on the nutritional aspect of what you're eating instead of its calorie content and make sure you getting all the vitamins you need.

Look after yourself OP

bucketybuck

Parchment wrote: »

i was always athletic and i still am - all through recovery i stayed active. I go to the gym 5-6 days each week (cardio and circuit training). I walk( brisk) for at least an hour each day and i also do yoga when i can.

My normal weekday food looks like this: (i'm a vegetarian)
Breakfast:
Bowl of porridge made with water/berries & 1 cup tea. Or a fruit salad with some Kefir and Muslei
Lunch:
Green smoothie, 2-3 Ryvitas.
Dinner :
Some form of salad with beans/goats cheese/seeds/veg
Snacks : i usually have a piece of fruit mid-morning

Sorry to come back to this, but I tried to do a calorie count on this and I'm struggling, is there even 1000 calories involved in what you have listed here? No wonder you want to snack afterward, and if you are also going to the gym 5 days a week I don't know how you are still standing!

I know you only want to hear positive answers in here and I'll leave it at that, but I hope you are being honest with yourself about all this, I really do.

helliwen

Parchment wrote: »

Has anyone any advice? It would be amazing to hear from someone who has suffered with an ED - as many people dont get how hard it is to remove emotion from food and food rituals.

Hopefully that made some sense! thanks.

Hi Parchment,

I suffered from an ED in some shape or form for about 15 years. I've had phases of anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, over-exercising, orthorexia - you name it, I've done it. So I think I might be able to relate.

I would also encourage you to consult a professional who's experienced in eating disorder treatment. And, no matter how good they are, I don't think a GP is specialised enough.

I believe you when you say that you are recovered. Or rather, I believe that you believe that you are recovered, which I hope doesn't come across as patronising. I phrase it this way because I think it's a transient thing - I've been "recovered" before and then had relapses, usually triggered by a desire to change something about my body. My last "relapse" was when I wanted to lose a little bit of weight 2 years ago. That little bit saw me drop down to an unhealthy level once again - so much so that I stopped menstruating and am still working on getting back on track (sorry if that's TMI for some, but it's important to see the long-term effects of such relapses).

Of course it's ok to be unhappy about your body - I don't think anyone is saying that it isn't. I only know that for me, dieting never helped me to like my body more. And there was no end to it - that's the danger with a restrictive ED, the goal weight tends to become a moving target.

I think the fact that you don't weigh yourself is a good thing. But ... if what's bothering you is the fact that an old pair of jeans is tight, why not buy new jeans? You say you feel good and have great energy - focus on that. Overdoing the sweet stuff at night could be coming from the fact that you might be eating too little during the day. Or from a mindset of restriction, which can spark off cravings. There's nothing wrong with wanting to eat well and be healthy - it just has to be for the right reasons.

endacl

Parchment wrote: »

I dont state my weight because i dont know it. I dont weigh myself - its not something that is positive for me. i can tell i am bigger as clothes dont fit anymore.

Thanks to all that answered positively.

People who don't relapse succeed because they do everything in their power not to relapse. The advice to check in with your GP is sound advice, and you should.

Regarding maintaining a healthy body weight, in consultation with your GP, perhaps regular check ins with a (qualified) dietician and (qualified) trainer, who have experience in the area would help. And trust them to have your best interests in mind.

Best of luck with it. You can't have too many supports and resources.

Lux23

I think you should talk to your doctor, but I reckon you will lose those few extra pounds just be cutting down on the chocolate, however do you think your eating enough at mealtimes? Maybe if you bulked up your meals, you wouldn't feel the need to eat sweets etc?