husband going home for six weeks

bruno79

Hi all im wondering if im insecure or selfish my husband of 8 months wants to go see his family for 6weeks in his country im thinking its very long time i also afraid in six weeks he will get usrd to not having me around and will not want to come back here or that he will meet somebody his own culture and stay therr am i insecure and overreacting

Tilly

You are seriously overreacting. Let him go see his family, 6 weeks isn’t that long and he will not forget about you. You cant be stuck to his hip 24/7.

ManOfMystery

If a husband and wife can't exist without each other for a month and a half without one thinking the other will leave or won't come back, there are serious issues at play in the marriage.

There are couples who spend much longer than that apart. My Uncle is a deep sea diver and has been married to my Aunt for 25+ years, it's not uncommon for him to sometimes be away on a rig for 4 or 5 months at a time. Doesn't mean he's going to run off with someone else.

Dial Hard

bruno79 wrote: »

Hi all im wondering if im insecure or selfish my husband of 8 months wants to go see his family for 6weeks in his country im thinking its very long time i also afraid in six weeks he will get usrd to not having me around and will not want to come back here or that he will meet somebody his own culture and stay therr am i insecure and overreacting

It's extremely insecure to think that a six-week absence means your husband is going to leave you, yes. You guys are married 8 months, can I ask whether you were together long before you got married? I ask because your comment about him getting used to not having your around is a very strange one to make, imo.

I have a feeling lots of people will come on here asking could you not go with him and normally I would too, but tbh I think there are bigger issues at play here and you going with him isn't going to fix any of them.

You need to ask yourself why you feel so worried about your husband essentially going AWOL the second he leaves the country.

Pyr0

ManOfMystery wrote: »

There are couples who spend much longer than that apart. My Uncle is a deep sea diver and has been married to my Aunt for 25+ years, it's not uncommon for him to sometimes be away on a rig for 4 or 5 months at a time. Doesn't mean he's going to run off with someone else.

He's either on a rig or deep sea diving, where is he gonna go?

In all seriousness tho OP, 6 weeks shouldn't be a problem for a married couple to spend apart, especially if it's just to see family and friends back home.

If you find 6 weeks too long for a trip away without him, why not go with him for a week or two?

Wright

ManOfMystery wrote: »

If a husband and wife can't exist without each other for a month and a half without one thinking the other will leave or won't come back, there are serious issues at play in the marriage.

There are couples who spend much longer than that apart. My Uncle is a deep sea diver and has been married to my Aunt for 25+ years, it's not uncommon for him to sometimes be away on a rig for 4 or 5 months at a time. Doesn't mean he's going to run off with someone else.

Well what's he gonna do, sleep with the fishes? Slightly different scenario there don't ya think.

Into The Blue

How long were ye dating before ye got engaged?
How long were ye engaged prior to the wedding?

bruno79

His family dont know were married as they are very strict and we got married after 8 months. Of meeting

Into The Blue

Are you more worried there's a chance he's in it for the passport?
Have you taken out contacts/bills/loans in your name for him?

bruno79

Fyes ive taken a phone contrat in my name for him

ManOfMystery

Wright wrote: »

Well what's he gonna do, sleep with the fishes? Slightly different scenario there don't ya think.

Pyr0 wrote: »

He's either on a rig or deep sea diving, where is he gonna go?

For the record, the rig was near land (though still thousands of miles away from my Aunt) so it's not like he was sea-based the whole time. They often went on shore at weekends.

Whether he was on a rig or sitting in a bar every night is totally irrelevant anyhow. My point was that in terms of being apart from his wife, their separation could go on for months on end - it didn't mean he was up to anything or thinking of leaving her. 6 weeks is but a drop in the ocean (no pun intended) of time, and to start dreaming up worst case scenarios is a sign of deep insecurity and also a gross overreaction.

OP, the most likely scenario is - *shock* *horror* - he's just visiting his family. Like he says.

cactusgal

I think the fact that the husband's family doesn't know he is married is the bigger issue here!!

Emme

bruno79 wrote: »

Fyes ive taken a phone contrat in my name for him

Could he not get a phone contract in his own name? Make sure you sort out the cost of roaming charges etc. before you go.

I hope you don't have a joint account or share any other financial arrangements. At least not until his family know about you and you have met them.

Each to their own but I would not marry somebody no matter where they were from if their family didn't know about me and I hadn't met their family face to face. Just to be sure there aren't any other spouses hidden away. I'm sure this is not the case with the OP and her husband.

How long did you know him before you got married?

Taltos

Mod Note
Re-opened at OPs request

Dial Hard

All is becoming clear.

OP, I don't really know what to advise you here. My first post said that yes, I thought you were overreacting but with the bit of extra info above the issue is a bit more complex. Your relationship is one of very short duration and there are very obviously huge cultural differences at play.

I think all you can do is outline your worries to your husband and then hope for the best.

Stheno

bruno79 wrote: »

His family dont know were married as they are very strict and we got married after 8 months. Of meeting

Where is your husband from? By very strict do you mean they are very religious? If so what religion?

Ursus Horribilis

OP is your husband from a country where he needs to marry an Irish or EU citizen in order to stay here? Maybe my imagination's running away with itself here but some things aren't sitting right

1. You and him marrying within 8 months of meeting. Why the rush?
2. His parents are very strict and don't know you're married.
3. Your fear that he will meet someone else on his trip home and not come back. Incidentally, why isn't he bringing you home to visit his family?

What does your family think of him by the way? Your friends? Can you elaborate on why you are so worried about this that you opened two threads? Is it because your gut is screaming at you that he has used you to get a visa and that he doesn't actually love you?

Neyite

OP, sometimes it pays to listen to our gut.

Your husband who you've known for a mere 16 months, and married for 8 of those, is going home for 6 weeks to a family who don't know he is married. This isn't simple jealousy kicking in for you, this is your gut telling you that despite the fact that you are married, you don't know him all that well. Considering that you need to give 3 months notice to marry here (assuming you got married in this country) then you got engaged at a maximum of 5 months into your relationship. That's fast. Why so soon? Did your family attend? Your friends?

There are unconventional relationships, or whirlwind romances. There are people who met, married and had a child in the time it took for my partner and I to even get a joint account sorted. While you cant judge your relationship by another couple's, you have a gut feeling that there is something off happening here.

Is his country a similar culture /language /religion to yours? What kind of concerns are you having about his trip?

bruno79

Yes he is indian so im afraid his family will try keep him there and cobvince hin to an arranged marraige he said they wont do that but im not so sure and im afraid he will realize he missed his family ao much that he decides to stay there7 weeks can change alot

Stheno

bruno79 wrote: »

Yes he is indian so im afraid his family will try keep him there and cobvince hin to an arranged marraige he said they wont do that but im not so sure and im afraid he will realize he missed his family ao much that he decides to stay there7 weeks can change alot

Is he Muslim and did you get married so he could stay here?

bruno79

He is muslim his family know im his gielfriend but not that we are married he said he needs find right tine to tell them as he was married before and is devorced he didnt ask me to come with him i just have a sick feeling in my gut something bad is going to happen maybe im insecure but the next 7 weeks will be torture bot knowing wull my husband come back And if he doesnt im left to pick up the peices

bruno79

No i married him because i love him

Stheno

bruno79 wrote: »

He is muslim his family know im his gielfriend but not that we are married he said he needs find right tine to tell them as he was married before and is devorced he didnt ask me to come with him i just have a sick feeling in my gut something bad is going to happen maybe im insecure but the next 7 weeks will be torture bot knowing wull my husband come back And if he doesnt im left to pick up the peices

I suspect given his religion that there are some serious issues here

Have you asked if you can go with him on the trip:

bruno79

No i knew there was no point asking if he wanted me to go he wouldof asked i bought his ticket and 300 spending i dont know how to wait 7 weeks tourtuing myself

bruno79

What i need to no is am i right tp be worried or am i being over cautiousu

Stheno

bruno79 wrote: »

No i knew there was no point asking if he wanted me to go he wouldof asked i bought his ticket and 300 spending i dont know how to wait 7 weeks tourtuing myself

Does he work? Why did you have to buy his ticket and give him money?

Sounds like you are a meal ticket.

What does he do that he is here legally?

Ursus Horribilis

I don't know how to put this to you tactfully but are you vulnerable in any way?

bruno79

Yes im vunrable just want to make him happy he got a job recently but kept his wages for his trip

bruno79

He got a stamp 4 when wr married meaning he leagally is entitled to stay now and work

Neyite

bruno79 wrote: »

What i need to no is am i right tp be worried or am i being over cautiousu

If it were me, I'd be worried. Why is he hiding you? He's a grown man on his second marriage so why on earth marry you if he cant admit it to his own family? What will happen if they know he married outside of his country, religion and culture?

Look, the early days of love, you want to shout it to the world how much you mean to each other. He should be practically dragging you home to meet the woman he adores and who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. You should be nauseatingly loved up with him, not worried that he will forget he has a wife after a few weeks.

Were you married in Ireland in a legally binding ceremony?

bruno79

Yes we were legaly married he told me im to fat to be accepted by his family that his culture frown upon overweight women im only averagely overweight i think he wanted to go home withoyt any issues abd becauae we not long together his fanily will go crazy