Money for me

splashthecash

So I have a wife and three kids, house and all the usual costs that come with lifestyle choices such as these.

Both myself and my wife work, and we have a budget that we work with every month, with €€€ transferred here and there from both our main accounts.

She maintains this budget cos 1) shes really into that whole seeing what we have, savings, etc. as she is very organised and 2) tbh I neither have the time or interest in keeping up with that kind of thing,

My question is, do the men on boards here who are in the same situation as myself (i.e. kids, wife, house, etc.) have any disposable money to play with themselves from paycheck to paycheck? I'm not talking free 100's every month or anything, just have enough for random things like buy a ticket to a gig, go to the cinema a couple of times or buy a game for my PS3.

1. I know that with deciding to have kids, house and all that - i have higher priorities in life now - I'm just curious what other people are finding.
2. I also know that showing more interest in the house finances would probably result in me having a little more €€€ to play with - i'm working on that, but jesus its boring

smash

Buy a new car, it's working out well for me :pac:

SuperGrover

My missus also does all the budgeting, etc. for the same reasons as yours.

Everything is in a joint account. All family spending is looked after by her good self. Bills, car, family day out, etc. etc.

Every month I get a set amount of cash for purely personal use. It's entirely up to me what to do with it. Spend it, save it, whatever.

This actually works very well. If I want something expensive I just save a portion each month until I have it.

ThisRegard

Best thing is set up a joint account, change all household DDs etc to come from this and budget what you reckon the monthly household costs would be, including shopping etc. Then each agree to put enough to cover these costs into the account and whatever is left in your own after this is yours. That's how we do it anyway.

fits

Same here. We get paid into our own accounts and transfer into a joint for household expenses and joint savings. The rest is for ourselves to decide as we please. we pay groceries out of our own accounts for now.

Pawwed Rig

Same as the 2 above we transfer X amount into a joint account to deal with joint bills/rent/creche etc and the balance is our own to do with what we want.

Elbow

Same with us, A set amount each into a joint account every week to cover mortgage, bills, management fees etc. I look after car repayments and day to day running costs, OH puts a few bob into savings/ rainy day account. €50 each towards shopping, the small bit that's left is our own pocket money ðŸ˜

helimachoptor

Op myself and the wife have the same arrangement and have had from before we were married, we have a 13 month old with another due early next year.

My salary pays all the bills and then the rest goes to long term savings.
Hers is split between long term savings, short term savings and spending money basically.

We dont have a set limit but we take what we need, this works for us, the odd time we'll make a bigger purchase than what we have for pocket money and its just a case of letting the person know.

I did however buy an Xbox one shortly after launch.. that didnt go down well :P


My wife manages our day to day spending, but we sit down every few months to review income, costs etc

paddylonglegs

The same as the rest, but I'll add to it. Iv had a 7 day notice savings Acc which I put €50 into every week. I make a list at the start of the year of 4 or 5 things that I would really like for myself and happy to wait for, around the €400 mark - iPad, decent BBQ, musical instrument.

I think something like this is a really important reward because you have something tangible to feel how hard you work your ass off. This is the first year Iv done it but it's been good so far

Tigger

i pay all the bills and then the money i have left is mine
if i lived alone it'd cost nearly the same
she has her own job/money
this has worked for the last 17 years
the only time it bothers me is when she complains i work too hard

i grew up in a worry about money home so i made it my business to earn a decent crust
as Tupac said " i love paying rent when the rent's due"

Tigger

paddylonglegs wrote: »

The same as the rest, but I'll add to it. Iv had a 7 day notice savings Acc which I put €50 into every week. I make a list at the start of the year of 4 or 5 things that I would really like for myself and happy to wait for, around the €400 mark - iPad, decent BBQ, musical instrument.

I think something like this is a really important reward because you have something tangible to feel how hard you work your ass off. This is the first year Iv done it but it's been good so far

its very important to reward yourself and set saving targets and look forward to achieving things you want

beertons

I split most of the household bills 50/50. She looks after the electricity, while I pay upc and a standing order for heating oil every month. Takes the pinch out of ordering a tank coming up to Christmas and wondering where we'll get the money from. Her car tax and insurance, fuel and repairs, is all looked after by her. What ever we have left after all that, we can save or spend it on what we want.

smash

I'm genuinely surprised by how many guys let their wives manage all the finances and just give them an allowance.

helimachoptor

smash wrote: »

I'm genuinely surprised by how many guys let their wives manage all the finances and just give them an allowance.

My wife does ours mainly because I manage a budget in work and its soul destroying. So i'm happy to basically bring my job home and review periodically with her as i do with my team.

As I mentioned we have long term and short term savings.
Long term is evenly split between my account, her account, joint account.
Short term (30 day access) is our joint account

For me there's no issue aslong as i can go and spend money without her getting her nose out of joint. There very much needs to a lot of trust if you are letting someone else manage the home finances.

quietsailor

A couple of people on the thread have talked about joint accounts with their wife which is the way my Fiancée and I will go - the thing that worries me is that our incomes are split 60%/40%,ie not equal, it could eventually be a source of tension "you earn more than me but pay an equal amount"

Do ye split the costs 60/40 (or whatever your income breakdown is) or do you split the costs 50/50?

helimachoptor

its very much a mine field, when i finished college i got a very lucky position with my employer at the time, I was paid hourly but over 40 hours was double time, for about 6 months i was doing 70 hours a week, I didnt mind as i wanted the work, but iirc correctly I was earning about 1100 per week after tax( last year of college so basically hadnt worked for half the year).

Obviously i was earning more than my now wife, however i then took a grad job and i think she was on about 13K more than me, however once i left that company i've earned more, sometimes very little but over the last 4 years i earn a good bit more and that gap will increase as she will be having babies for the next 3 years or so and may go part time etc

It did cause issues at times for us, for me it was mainly an ego thing, she wanted to go out and i simply couldnt afford to go out, so she wanted to pay etc, i got over that relatively quick once i realised my only other option was to sit in..

fits

quietsailor wrote: »

A couple of people on the thread have talked about joint accounts with their wife which is the way my Fiancée and I will go - the thing that worries me is that our incomes are split 60%/40%,ie not equal, it could eventually be a source of tension "you earn more than me but pay an equal amount"

Do ye split the costs 60/40 (or whatever your income breakdown is) or do you split the costs 50/50?

I earn more but i also have extra expenses which eat into that. ( i rent an apartment abroad, that comes out of my account). So we are actually even enough really. I owe him a grand after honeymoon which i will sort out next month. We dont have a joint credit card and i have low ish limit on mine by choice.

run_Forrest_run

quietsailor wrote: »

A couple of people on the thread have talked about joint accounts with their wife which is the way my Fiancée and I will go - the thing that worries me is that our incomes are split 60%/40%,ie not equal, it could eventually be a source of tension "you earn more than me but pay an equal amount"

Do ye split the costs 60/40 (or whatever your income breakdown is) or do you split the costs 50/50?

hmm, she's your fiancée, soon to be your wife, both of ye not contributing the same amount shouldn't be something that should create tension..unless you want her to sign a pre-nup;)

Ye work together, that's how it goes.

beertons

My wife reduced her hours after 2 kids, from 5 days to 3. Bills/mortgage still split 50/50. She did earn more, now she doesn't. But if she's stuck for cash, she'll do agency work for a weekend, for pocket money.

PinkLemonade

beertons wrote: »

My wife reduced her hours after 2 kids, from 5 days to 3. Bills/mortgage still split 50/50. She did earn more, now she doesn't. But if she's stuck for cash, she'll do agency work for a weekend, for pocket money.

I'm lost for words......

beertons

PinkLemonade wrote: »

I'm lost for words......

What word you looking for? We earn the same now.

helimachoptor

beertons wrote: »

What word you looking for? We earn the same now.

Mother of your kids and she has to go and do temp work if she wants money, come on man that is ridiculous.

speedboatchase

Come on, OP - upgrade to PS4 already!

quietsailor

quietsailor wrote: »

the thing that worries me is that our incomes are split 60%/40%,ie not equal, it could eventually be a source of tension "you earn more than me but pay an equal amount"

That is one option - and it works for many people. As I mentioned on a few other threads on this subject however - what we do is a slightly different option. Which is we work out the ratio of our earnings - and split the bills to that same ratio.

Which essentially means if I am earning more than the girls I pay more of the bills. But the % of my earnings which I pay is the same % as they pay. And the % of what I earn that I keep for myself for just me - is the same % they get to keep for themselves of what they earn.

This works for us - but it might not work for many with a more "Why should I have to pay more of the bills" mindset. Neither mind set is "wrong" in my mind - it is just which you feel more comfortable with.

whatawaster

My fiance and I split everything 50-50.

I happen to earn more than twice what she does, but all of our money is pooled and once bills and savings are taken care of, any extra spending money is divided evenly.

Our income from our jobs aren't the only things we contribute to our relationship, and she definitely contributes as much if not more than I do, so I feel any other arrangement would be unfair.

Permabear

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Pawwed Rig

helimachoptor wrote: »

Mother of your kids and she has to go and do temp work if she wants money, come on man that is ridiculous.

She minds the kids a couple of days during the week and still earns the same as the father. When she wants extra money she goes out to earn it and presumably the father looks after the child. Seems like a logical arrangement to me or am I missing something?

Keano

I put X amount into a joint account and she does the same. I earn a lot more so put in more and I think that's fair. Then the rest is mine. I'm crap with money so have the wife go through my wages with me every now and then

helimachoptor

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

She minds the kids a couple of days during the week and still earns the same as the father. When she wants extra money she goes out to earn it and presumably the father looks after the child. Seems like a logical arrangement to me or am I missing something?

She's sacrificed her own earning power to spend time with the kids and her husband doesnt recognise that and help her out?

I dont know but that just seems mental to me.

I'll likely be in a similar position in a couple of years, wife will go part time. The thought of her doing temp work at the weekend to afford a small luxury or 2 wouldnt even cross my mind (or hers tbh) if she wanted something we'd have a conversation and we'd sort it, not send her out to work

The Randy Riverbeast

Me and my girlfriend split most things 50/50. I pay a bit more in rent as she is under 25 and getting JSA so has 100 euro a week to live on. When I start my new job will probably look into doing at is a percentage with the higher income paying more. Once all bills and rent are paid the rest of the money is ours to do with as we please. I dont think I would be able to do the all in one joint account thing.

VisibleGorilla

smash wrote: »

I'm genuinely surprised by how many guys let their wives manage all the finances and just give them an allowance.

Me too, seems like absolute madness.

Marriages/relationships end and it is usually initiated by the woman, would you want her in control of all finance's in that situation?

PinkLemonade

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

She minds the kids a couple of days during the week and still earns the same as the father. When she wants extra money she goes out to earn it and presumably the father looks after the child. Seems like a logical arrangement to me or am I missing something?

She's sacrificed her earnings to save on childcare, and has to work a second job if she wants pocket money.
They split the bills 50/50 but I wonder how the rest of the household expenses are split?

This arrangement is bizarre for a family with kids IMO

helimachoptor

VisibleGorilla wrote: »

Me too, seems like absolute madness.

Marriages/relationships end and it is usually initiated by the woman, would you want her in control of all finance's in that situation?

If all the savings etc are in the womans account yes its 100% bonkers.

This is why ours is split evenly between joint, mine and her account.
All are basically 30 day notice accounts and you need both signatures, yes she could forge it but that is then an ass whooping for the bank.

RedXIV

We've a slightly funny one, the plan was to do as many mentioned here, joint account for all the bills and we'd put in money to it to ensure all bills were paid. But when she moved job, she put the joint account as the account for her to get paid into. As a result, our joint account is a bit all over the place. Lots of bills come out of it, but some others come out of my own account also. I transfer a set amount in and after the other bills, whatever is left is my own. She just uses the joint account as her main account so it's a bit hard to track how we're doing in terms of curtailing our spending because what's eating into the account might be bills or luxuries. We're saving 4 figures a month though so we're not too bad.

An odd one I've found though is I'm very much a case of "plan for a rainy day, get a buffer, clear all debts", whereas she is 100% "if we have money we should spend it!"

That has caused many arguments.

smash

VisibleGorilla wrote: »

Me too, seems like absolute madness.

Marriages/relationships end and it is usually initiated by the woman, would you want her in control of all finance's in that situation?

I know of a couple who got divorced and during the proceedings they were both asked to declare all financial records. She had over €40k in savings in her name which had come from their standing orders from their joint account and he never had a clue about it.

Pawwed Rig

helimachoptor wrote: »

I'll likely be in a similar position in a couple of years, wife will go part time. The thought of her doing temp work at the weekend to afford a small luxury or 2 wouldnt even cross my mind (or hers tbh) if she wanted something we'd have a conversation and we'd sort it, not send her out to work

Did the poster not say that they earn the same now? In the case where there is a large differential then I would agree but where the earnings are equal then we are asking him to subsidise her??

She gets to spend 4 days a week with their kids while earning the same as the father who only gets 2 days! She has by far the best part of that arrangement. Working the odd weekend is a small sacrifice.

Sign me up.

Permabear

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RedXIV

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

It's even a battle of terminology, what I see as "security", she sees as "hoarding". Thankfully saving for our wedding has started her in the right direction, as I was hoping this would establish patterns for life but I've caught her on occasion talking about after the wedding and "when she has money again"

Guess I need to keep the promotions coming!

Peregrinus

At various times I have earned more than my wife, or she has earned more than me. And there have been times when she wasn't working (for pay) at all. But it all goes into household money and, once it's there, where it came from is irrelevant. So we don't think that, e.g, the holiday has been paid for 60% by me and 40% by her; we just think it has been paid for 100% with our joint funds.

If I want to buy myself a book, or a meal and a couple of pints with a friend, or similar, that too comes out of joint funds. Same for her. We wouldn't discuss expenditures like this beforehand. But any significant expenditure - a car, a holiday - is discussed in advance, regardless of whether it's something mainly for her, or mainly for me, or something that will benefit us both.

Basically, there isn't any money that's just mine, or just hers.

It works for us. It probably helps that neither of us has a taste for gambling, or an appetite for constantly buying expensive gadgets, or anything like that.

Danjamin1

RedXIV wrote: »

But when she moved job, she put the joint account as the account for her to get paid into. As a result, our joint account is a bit all over the place. Lots of bills come out of it, but some others come out of my own account also. I transfer a set amount in and after the other bills, whatever is left is my own. She just uses the joint account as her main account so it's a bit hard to track how we're doing in terms of curtailing our spending because what's eating into the account might be bills or luxuries. We're saving 4 figures a month though so we're not too bad.

You need to sort that out & get her to change her nominated account with her employer, there's no way to exercise proper control if your joint account is also her spending account! Sounds like a minefield!

fits

RedXIV wrote: »

It's even a battle of terminology, what I see as "security", she sees as "hoarding". Thankfully saving for our wedding has started her in the right direction, as I was hoping this would establish patterns for life but I've caught her on occasion talking about after the wedding and "when she has money again"

Guess I need to keep the promotions coming!

I was always careful enough with cash, but since our wedding I seem to be allergic to spending altogether, it really does get you out of the habit. Which is a good thing I guess.

PucaMama

You enjoy saving. You save your money. She enjoys spending. She spends her money. It's uncomfortable see you suggest you "caught" her with plans for spending.

RedXIV wrote:

It's even a battle of terminology, what I see as "security", she sees as "hoarding". Thankfully saving for our wedding has started her in the right direction, as I was hoping this would establish patterns for life but I've caught her on occasion talking about after the wedding and "when she has money again"

Guess I need to keep the promotions coming!

RedXIV

RedXIV wrote: »

We've a slightly funny one, the plan was to do as many mentioned here, joint account for all the bills and we'd put in money to it to ensure all bills were paid. But when she moved job, she put the joint account as the account for her to get paid into. As a result, our joint account is a bit all over the place. Lots of bills come out of it, but some others come out of my own account also. I transfer a set amount in and after the other bills, whatever is left is my own. She just uses the joint account as her main account so it's a bit hard to track how we're doing in terms of curtailing our spending because what's eating into the account might be bills or luxuries. We're saving 4 figures a month though so we're not too bad.

An odd one I've found though is I'm very much a case of "plan for a rainy day, get a buffer, clear all debts", whereas she is 100% "if we have money we should spend it!"

That has caused many arguments.

But this is the thing about being mature and adult and having a contented/happy marriage you have different views of money, you argue about it but fundamentally if the relationship is solid it does not matter.

Permabear

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boobar

I deal with the finances in our house and carry out the research on any significant purchases that we need to make.

I've saved us a lot of cash down through the years in my quest for bargains and value, grabbed a tracker when they were being offered.

It is slightly boring stuff...but when you save the price of a holiday on kitting out the house, it makes it worthwhile.

My Mrs wouldn't have any idea when bills fall due or how much they are...she pays her share and focusses on other important things in our lives.

Works for us.

RiseToMe

Peregrinus wrote: »

At various times I have earned more than my wife, or she has earned more than me. And there have been times when she wasn't working (for pay) at all. But it all goes into household money and, once it's there, where it came from is irrelevant. So we don't think that, e.g, the holiday has been paid for 60% by me and 40% by her; we just think it has been paid for 100% with our joint funds.

If I want to buy myself a book, or a meal and a couple of pints with a friend, or similar, that too comes out of joint funds. Same for her. We wouldn't discuss expenditures like this beforehand. But any significant expenditure - a car, a holiday - is discussed in advance, regardless of whether it's something mainly for her, or mainly for me, or something that will benefit us both.

Basically, there isn't any money that's just mine, or just hers.

It works for us. It probably helps that neither of us has a taste for gambling, or an appetite for constantly buying expensive gadgets, or anything like that.

Same here. One joint account (my business bank account aside but that is also joint as she is a director) both get paid into it, both spend from it. There is no my money or her money, it is all ours. Shes an accountant so looks after the accounts. If I was to live in fear that she was spending more than "her share" or visa versa there is a lot more I should be worried about! We have a mortgage, car, bills are paid on time, savings of 1k per month and a few holidays a year, if we want something we buy it. No great mystery as to who owes who what or that one of us can afford a holiday and the other cant.

What works for some doesn't work others but this works for us.

RedXIV

Danjamin1 wrote: »

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This I totally agree with, but thankfully, the problem should resolve itself soon enough, thanks to career progression and her finishing Uni soon

PucaMama wrote: »

You enjoy saving. You save your money. She enjoys spending. She spends her money. It's uncomfortable see you suggest you "caught" her with plans for spending.

hmmm but we view it as "OUR" money, not hers or mine. As such, we are at a happy medium now as we are saving quite strongly for the wedding (yay!) but I think I'd be disappointed if we didn't keep it up after the wedding, as we've proved now that we can still have a life while putting the money aside?

mariaalice wrote: »

But this is the thing about being mature and adult and having a contented/happy marriage you have different views of money, you argue about it but fundamentally if the relationship is solid it does not matter.

Oh totally, Wouldn't be marrying her otherwise, and we are sensible enough for it not to be a total deal breaker, it was more remarking about how we'd feel if we got a windfall:
Me: "Lets clear off that loan!"
Her: "Lets go on a holiday!"

But in the end, we're paying our way and very happy with each other so can't complain massively

Permabear wrote: »

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Cheers for this! I'll definitely get the book!

argentum

I'm married 20 odd years and I think that makes a difference so thank god I'm not starting out trying to work on finances as a young couple. We have a joint bank and credit card account and both our wages go into it. I earn twice as much as my wife but all bills /expenses come out of the account no matter what or who they are for. My wife runs the home but I look after all the finances and budgets but to be honest its because I'm better at that and I actually like doing it. Every couple of months we talk about any upcoming things we want to do like a holiday or something and plan spending around it.We both spend what ever we want out of the account but talk about it first like a new TV or something. I actually thought that most couples were the same and am amazed about some of the points being made on this thread about separate accounts / own spending money and an allowance of money from the partner earning the most

Danjamin1

argentum wrote: »

I'm married 20 odd years and I think that makes a difference so thank god I'm not starting out trying to work on finances as a young couple. We have a joint bank and credit card account and both our wages go into it. I earn twice as much as my wife but all bills /expenses come out of the account no matter what or who they are for. My wife runs the home but I look after all the finances and budgets but to be honest its because I'm better at that and I actually like doing it. Every couple of months we talk about any upcoming things we want to do like a holiday or something and plan spending around it.We both spend what ever we want out of the account but talk about it first like a new TV or something. I actually thought that most couples were the same and am amazed about some of the points being made on this thread about separate accounts / own spending money and an allowance of money from the partner earning the most

To be honest your arrangement sounds more like what my parents would have had in place, between myself & my friends the separate contributions & own spending money seems to be more prevalent these days. Both arrangements are good in their own way.

expatin africa

used to have a joint account after we got married 6 years ago but that didn't work as we never saved any money and sometimes short of money so now we have two accounts, all the bills are paid by d/d from my account and she gets an allowance every month for herself to do with whatever she wants and another for the day to items and the children which is about 2000e in total. the rest of the wages goes into savings in my account which she has access to in case of emergency, if we didn't do this we would have been in trouble a number of times over the last few years, she is a stay at home mother. I know sometimes she doesn't like it but it is the only way we can save any money and have mone to pay our bills

challengemaster

Permabear wrote: »

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I think you'll find that is the exact point of having money :pac: If that wasn't the point, we'd still be working off of a bartering system and your wealth would be measured by how much livestock you own.

I think what you meant to say was - just because you have money, doesn't mean you have to spend it right now.