Heard the one about the confident fat person?

Hammer89

I went to town today for no real reason. I didn't need anything. There's nothing I particularly wanted in HMV, and the clothes shops do not cater for men of my size just yet. So, why did I go? I just wanted people to see me. It would be easy to dismiss this extreme vanity but it wasn't. For the first time in quite a long time, I just felt good about myself. Black jeans. Nice shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Sunglasses. And an hour-old back-and-sides haircut. It was just a beautiful day - and it had nothing to do with the gorgeous weather.

I have noticed this a lot throughout the course of my weight-loss journey. The self-consciousness slowly but surely rots away, ultimately being replaced by self-confidence. It's so liberating.

This time last year I wouldn't have worn sunglasses in fear of being judged. Looking back, I don't really know why. Maybe the fact that it feels like a different person back then is indicative of change. The difference? Today I just didn't care much if I was judged or not; in the same way I don't care about being judged for the chain I've been wearing around my neck for the last six months or so. That was another big step.

I remember being on the bus before Christmas, and a relatively large young man hopped on somewhere. He was wearing a t-shirt a little bit too tight for society, because it showed off the extent of his stomach, but he looked good at the same time - and he knew it because he started taking selfies on his phone.

He was sat on one of the seats you're supposed to give up if an elderly person gets on. This puts his confidence into context because he was in full view of the bottom deck of the bus. There were lots of pretty women around the same age as myself and him there too. It wasn't me, him and a bunch of 78-year-olds en route to bingo.

I remember being completely awestruck by the bloke. To me, his kind - the confident fat person - just didn't exist. They must've cooked this fella up at Skynet. I probably sent him back in time to show me that, actually, fat confident people exist. I'm quite proud to say that I felt a little like him today as I strolled around town in my shades, in an act of defiance that said: 'I'm one of you confident people.' I looked good and I felt good. F*ck everything else.

Confidence used to come via alcohol for me. Now it doesn't. I'm not the finished article. I've got a couple more stone left to lose, and I do mean literally a couple, like two or three at most, but it's days like today which keep that ball rolling. Weight loss is all about momentum.

I just wanted to tell this story incase there's anyone struggling to maintain motivation at the moment. You're a rolling stone. All you need to is that tip over the edge and the longer you roll, gathering up lost mentalities like confidence and self-esteem, the more unstoppable you become.

jenizzle

Good for you Nothing better than spending a day out and about, where you feel really really good about yourself. It's nothing to do with your actual size, but a change in your mindset, and how you feel about yourself. Hopefully you're finding that all the effort you've put in is finally paying off.

The weightloss journey is more of a mental struggle than anything else, I found anyway. The good days far outweigh the bad "why the hell am I doing this, gimme all the cake" days.

Keep up the good work, and may you have plenty more days like yesterday

Hammer89

Thanks, and you're right - it's all mental, but it hasn't been a struggle in my experience. It's been a relatively straightforward path. Bumps in the road are inevitable, but for me, the key to maintaining motivation has been a refusal to throw the baby out with the bath water when you come to the bumps.

I refused to give myself cheat days because they're not healthy for body or mind. I used to use them as invitations to scrap the whole plan and start again on a Monday that never came around.

I think it's about knowing your enemy - and you are your own worst enemy when it comes to breaking any habit. An inch is given and a mile is taken. The solution? I just didn't give myself an inch. I'd think several steps ahead of my inner saboteur and act in ways to thwart it.

okiss

Liked your post here Hammer89.

I know how you feel.
At the end of Jan I decided that I wanted to lose some weight. Like yourself I am a work in progress. I feel that my self confidence and self-esteem are coming back to me. I recently went shopping for some new clothes and I the person I was with said to me - I will get you a smaller top/trousers as that one is to big.
For the first time in ages I felt and looked good.

I have a social event coming up shortly. It will be full of people that have not seen me in months. I can't wait to see the reaction of one of them when I turn up here looking better than I have in years.
Good luck with the rest of your journey and it will only be a short time before your shopping in "normal shops" for clothes. It is not always easy to lose weight but some days just make the effort worth while.