Money worries....getting very anxious

TizTaly2015

I think I just need to write all this down and get it out of my head before I explode. Getting chest pains and headaches just thinking about it......

I have no money. I work full time. I earn an ok wage. Husband stays at home with kids and we literally have no money. He gets his dole but this is going to end very soon....We are minus every week. Our outgoings exceed our income every week - and these are the weeks when there is no day out, new shoes/clothes for kids, car trouble, birthday parties, school trips, etc etc.

I've tried to reduce our outgoings - got rid of sky, changed to Lidl, buy secondhand clothes, buy kids runners from discount online stores.....

But what is really really getting to me is that my sister is getting married in a few weeks and it is going to cost us about 600/700 - this is clothes for my husband and kids and shoes for me (as cheap as we can), I owe my sis money for bridesmaid dress, money in card, money for night, taxis home, hen night expense, stag night expense.....and so on...

I cannot see where I am going to get this money. I applied for a CU loan but they turned me down because we are in arrears with our mortgage. Not much, only about 800 euro but enough for the CU to turn us down.

I am getting so stressed about it. I cant ask my parents as they are paying for the wedding and we cant ask my husbands parents as they helped us buy a new car last year (we didnt ask, they offered but we REALLY needed their help...)

My husband is looking for work but the money he is getting offered is the same as the dole! I swear to god, if one more person says to us 'is he not going to work' - I would suggest to them to look for work that pays well (he's in the security industry and pay is sh*t).

I was even thinking of getting a provident loan but I am not. I refuse to pay over 150% APR on a loan of €500.....

I just dont know what to do. On top of all the wedding expense, I need about €200 for the kids school fees and their stationary. I have all their books and uniforms which is one small saving grace but I still need this amount....!!!

I never thought being 'grown up' would be so hard.

I hate having no money even though I work my bloody arse off. It sickens me that I have to leave my lovely little baby every morning to come into an office, for what? To have -€0 at the end of every week...
I have tried to be savvy and put bits away every week but every week I end up taking it to pay for something..........

I know I'm not alone but sometimes I feel like just giving up and living off the grid in a tent in a field somewhere.................

whiskeyman

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

But what is really really getting to me is that my sister is getting married in a few weeks and it is going to cost us about 600/700 - this is clothes for my husband and kids and shoes for me (as cheap as we can), I owe my sis money for bridesmaid dress, money in card, money for night, taxis home, hen night expense, stag night expense.....and so on...
.

Re the wedding, can you borrow a suit for him and dress for you from a friend / work colleague?

Re money in card - does your sis know you are in financial worries? Perhaps she wouldn't mind if you dont give cash, but give a present of another kind?

Do you need taxis home? Perhaps if money is really tight, you or hubbie should be DD and drive back.

I know weddings are a big outgoing, but they can be done cheaply if you watch it.

bee06

OP, your sister would understand if you told her the truth about your money worries in relation to her wedding. I would have been absolutely devastated if I thought my sister was putting herself in such financial difficulty for my wedding.

TizTaly2015

Hi there, thanks 3Datamodem but its ok. I'm not sure if that's allowed??!! And anyways, I am really just trying to get stuff out of my head........

Whiskeyman - borrowing a suit might be an option but I am a bridesmaid so the dress has been bought for me. Another sis bought it and I owe her the money. My sis who is getting married didnt pay for them. Its not massive money, its about €85 but still a lot to me....

Money in card - I have thought about this....I am very close to her and I might tell her that I will give them their present after the wedding....they might prefer it then as the wedding is going to cost them, even though my dad is paying for it, she still has her own dress, suits, flowers etc to pay for....

Taxis - me and my hubby do not get out very much AT ALL and its the one thing we are both really looking forward to so I wouldn't ask him to be DD. We both enjoy a drink and I would not do that to him..............

But thanks for your suggestions....

TizTaly2015

bee06 - I know she'll understand but I suppose its pride and shame really that holds me back??!! But as I mentioned above, I think I will have to bite the bullet and tell her I will give them their pressie some time after the wedding..............the thing is, my parents as well would be horrified if they knew what I was going through. My mother would throw money at me but its the principle...they are so good to us..........

bee06

I understand but a dent in your pride is worth preventing getting yourself into more financial difficulty. It's kind of unusual that your sister is having you pay for the dress as well. Usually that gets paid for by the bride and groom.

You don't have to give your sister money for the present either. When I got married my brother and sisters got us actual presents rather than money. A thoughtful gift would be just as welcome regardless of the cost.

MissFlitworth

Do you guys get family income supplement? If you qualify it might give you a bit more breathing room, more info here

It's perfectly ok to give a wedding present after the wedding itself, I think standard etiquette gives you up to the first anniversary. And if it's a toss up between stationary for your kids and a present I'm sure your sister would be upset if she 'won' that toss up.

Wanderer2010

Ok OP, the one thing that stuck out to me was your alleged expenses for the wedding. Where on earth are you going with 600-700euros? That can be well scaled down by 1. Keeping the present to a modest 50euros, either cash, which is what a lot of young married couples want, or maybe a voucher for the same amount, 2. Getting a dress or outfit cheaply in Pennys or look online like eBay etc. 3. You blindly list off expenses like taxis, hotel hen nights etc but if you take each in turn, you can save money by picking the cheapest option. Ring the hotel where the wedding party is. Ask for a cheap room, skip breakfast. Ask around and see if anyone needs to share a room to cut the cost. Hen night? Tone down the amount of drinking, suggest a shared activity, share taxis etc.

There are always ways to cut money, OP, if you really look and you need not miss out on the wedding or end up miserable. If anyone asks you why you arent staying out all night or throwing fancy presents, be straight with them and say money is tight and you have the kids going back to school and your other half is looking for work. People will understand, OP. Sure half of us are only Keeping up with the Jones's anyway and are only one bill away from the whole fantasy coming crashing down.

Look for ways in your home and work to save money- bring packed lunches, refill water bottles, walk if possible, do you have any unclaimed taxes from rent, tax credits etc over the past few years, can you shop in Dealz for home products etc? As for your other half, is he just focussing on security jobs or anything at all because at this stage literally anything would do. Are there operator jobs going in any factories? Sit down and make an honest weeks or months worth of incomings or outgoings and have a frank chat about how to save money and if you really need advice, contact the social welfare and see are there any entitlements or grants for people in your situation. Contact MABS if things are really bad but try seeing is there anything you can do at home first and definitely push your other half to apply for every single job out there, even if its a barman or anything to make ends meet. Good luck!

TizTaly2015

We don't qualify for FIS as someone suggested, we are just over the threshold for it.

My sis has said that she would pay for dresses but my other sis (who has money) insisted that we all buy our own to keep the costs down! Now, in all fairness, the sis I owe money to is not putting pressure on me to pay it back right away but again, its pride. I want to pay her back. I hate being in debt to family members...........

To be honest, the school fees are getting to me as well. My youngest son needs 70 quid - this is do-able. I'll find this somewhere. But my oldest lad is going into fifth year. Already his school books have cost me over 300 quid. And the school want €50 fee, €50 for woodwork, €50 for English (books and play not decided on yet) plus all the stationary!!! its just mental. Its really hit me this year.

whiskeyman

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

Taxis - me and my hubby do not get out very much AT ALL and its the one thing we are both really looking forward to so I wouldn't ask him to be DD. We both enjoy a drink and I would not do that to him..............
..

I'm sorry, but if you *really* are worried about money, one of you wouldn't drink and you'd avoid taxies.
It doesn't matter you havent' gone out 'at all' - why add more stress to the flame for the sake of a night out? Ok, I know it's a family wedding, but I still think it shouldn't matter.

If you 'both enjoy a drink', how much more is this going to cost you?
Possibly €100 more?
If that €100 you have?

I know it's not nice to hear, but if you can't afford something, you can't afford it.
Like Wanderer, I'm confused and worried at your attitude that this wedding will cost 600-700.

TizTaly2015

Thank you Wanderer for your comment, lots of good suggestions there. I am doing most of these to be honest - packed lunches, free days out with kids. And yes, husband is looking at all possibilities for jobs to be honest....

We aren't staying in a hotel the night of the wedding, we are coming home. I intend to dress all the my kids from Penneys, husband will pick up a decent cheap suit also....I know that figure seems excessive but I swear, its all adding up!!! I have to go to the Hen as a) I'm organising it as maid of honour and b) she's my closest sister, best friend if you like and I wouldn't miss it. I couldn't.

I think everything just got on top of me today because the venue came looking for the cash (for the hens) and I haven't put my bit in yet.....

TizTaly2015

I totally hear you whiskeyman, totally hear you. We aren't big drinkers to be honest. There is wine with the dinner and then I would probs have 2-3 more drinks after that. Same with him. So I suppose, yeah, 50 quid would cover us. My dad will buy a round for the speeches (its his tradition, he did it for me as well) so that's another free drink!

I suppose going back to my OP, it just really gets me down that I work so hard for nothing. I work hard. Pay my bills, pay my mortgage and then there is nothing left for small, tiny, little luxuries. And I mean a cheap bottle of wine from Lidl for a Saturday night.

fits

I am recently married and if I knew my sister was considering taking a high interest loan to attend Id hit the roof! Seriously. 1. your sister should be paying for the bridesmaid dress. Thats the etiquette here. I made sure my bridesmaid was in no way out of pocket from the job. 2. You do not need to give a present if you do not have it to give! At very least wait some time and buy some lower value gift (use your connections if you have any) eg something at auction. 3. you need to reevaluate the 600-700 euro. You cannot afford it, its out of the question.

bp

You say you would be ashamed for your parents help, let me flip it. Imagine it was your child who needed help....you would want to help them and would be upset if they didn't ask you.

Let them help you get out of arrears and then get your head back above water. Also sneak booze into the wedding ðŸ˜႒

whiskeyman

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

I totally hear you whiskeyman, totally hear you. We aren't big drinkers to be honest. There is wine with the dinner and then I would probs have 2-3 more drinks after that. Same with him. So I suppose, yeah, 50 quid would cover us. My dad will buy a round for the speeches (its his tradition, he did it for me as well) so that's another free drink!

I suppose going back to my OP, it just really gets me down that I work so hard for nothing. I work hard. Pay my bills, pay my mortgage and then there is nothing left for small, tiny, little luxuries. And I mean a cheap bottle of wine from Lidl for a Saturday night.

I hope you didn't think I was having a go at you Tiz.
I really feel for you
You sound like a fantastic mother, wife and sister and are battling through this for them all.
I hope you can turn a corner financially very soon.

Wanderer gave some great advice. Try and question all money out and be as scabby as you can.

LegacyUser

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

I totally hear you whiskeyman, totally hear you. We aren't big drinkers to be honest. There is wine with the dinner and then I would probs have 2-3 more drinks after that. Same with him. So I suppose, yeah, 50 quid would cover us. My dad will buy a round for the speeches (its his tradition, he did it for me as well) so that's another free drink!

I suppose going back to my OP, it just really gets me down that I work so hard for nothing. I work hard. Pay my bills, pay my mortgage and then there is nothing left for small, tiny, little luxuries. And I mean a cheap bottle of wine from Lidl for a Saturday night.

we've been where you are, and if it helps here are some of the things we did to help,

firstly look at where you can maximise your income, you say his dole is going to be cut soon, have you looked at transferring his tax credits to you, look into if you qualify for credits for your children too if they haven't already been applied, this means you could take home a lot more money at the end of the month while saving on childcare with him staying home to mind the children. you may (like us) end up with more money take home than if he was working. also as others have said look into FIS,


secondly the outgoings, like you we cut sky/broadband...etc but sit down go through all outgoings and see where the biggest outgoings are, obviously the mortgage has to be paid, but outside that, we found by shopping every odd day we were blowing €30-40 on shopping, by setting a budget, shopping once a week and sticking to not going near the shops daily we saved a fortune, things like that can surprise you when they add up.

thirdly the wedding, while everyone does things differently i would say if you are paying for your own dress you DO NOT need to give your sister a wedding present, i know i paid for my sisters dress (she had her own shoes she wanted to wear) and i never got nor expected a gift from her. and you could always give it to her in a few months i'm sure she won't mind it being late, it will spread out the costs for you,

for your shoes surely you have some pair of shoes at home that will go with the dress? likewise for the wedding, one of you drive, you will spend so much less on petrol and if you aren't big drinkers its crazy spending money on a taxi (especially money that would buy a few weeks worth of bottles of wine from lidl) when you could drive, for the children likewise surely they have some fancy outfits they could wear already at home, for your husband a nice shirt tie and pants he has already could do? unless it's black tie or he's at the top table nobody will notice tbh

this could cut out a considerable expense.

for the hen if you are organising it, stay out of the expensive rounds drinking, say you want to stay sober-ish to keep things organised.

for the stag, does he really know your sisters husband to be that well? as in could he turn up for one or two and slip away after they all get hammered? or again use the "i'm driving home" as an excuse to go but stay sober for the one or two?

for both the hen and stag as long as they aren't the same night could you be each others taxi home?



as for the school fee's talk to the school see if they'll let you pay €20 a week for the first few weeks, they probably will be glad to get some kind of money in tbh. start now with two weeks left and pick up bit's and pieces important ones first.


i know you haven't mentioned it (and it's almost blasphemy at this time of the year) BUT one of my biggest moneysavers is shopping from September for Christmas, toys are nearly always reduced at this time of year, and i pick things up for relatives as we go so by December i am almost done and the costs that month are hugely reduced. you should check out the bargain alerts forum here, if you keep an eye on it you might find an expensive gift that your sister would love at a hugely reduced price.

you just got to be smart, stick it out and hopefully things will start to improve for you soon! best of luck op, i hope this helps.

florawest

Hi ya, I think we put pressure on ourselves, yea pride is up there too, I am also budget watching, if it was my story, I would drink tap water with miwadi on wedding day, drive to function, enjoy the day, not necessary to have drink to have fun, talk to my sisters, the bride to be, explain to her, the present will be late(put aside €20ish week) until you feel you have enough for gift, bridesmaid dress, give €5 weekly, sell dress after, week after wedding, buy x amount drink in Aldi and celebrate at home, also if you know someone with a car could they do taxi run for ye, in return for 2 or 3 babysitting nights in your home, or if you dab hand at baking, sewing do trade, talk to the school and pay little each week, look out for money off aldi vouchers in papers

gerard2210

You could give your sister a nice photo book with photos from the hen night, getting ready on the morning of the wedding or a nice canvas print. Wouldn't cost a lot some good deals out there .

orthsquel

First things first, you are already in arrears with your mortgage, you need to get that sorted out asap! You have already got the result of being in arrears in being disqualified for any loan from the CU, you need to get repayments back on track. It might only be a small arrears of €800 but that can easily double if it is not being looked after. And it will cost you more when in arrears than when you are on track with your repayments. Perhaps if you are struggling with managing your monthly repayments that you contact your CU branch - rather than wait for them to contact you - and see if there is any room for negotiation on what you can pay monthly given your circumstances.

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

I need about €200 for the kids school fees and their stationary. I have all their books and uniforms which is one small saving grace but I still need this amount....!!!

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

To be honest, the school fees are getting to me as well. My youngest son needs 70 quid - this is do-able. I'll find this somewhere. But my oldest lad is going into fifth year. Already his school books have cost me over 300 quid. And the school want €50 fee, €50 for woodwork, €50 for English (books and play not decided on yet) plus all the stationary!!! its just mental. Its really hit me this year.

Do you get - through your husband's unemployment - any back to school allowance? If not the scheme is still open to application until the end of September.

hopeicanhelp wrote: »

as for the school fee's talk to the school see if they'll let you pay €20 a week for the first few weeks, they probably will be glad to get some kind of money in tbh. start now with two weeks left and pick up bit's and pieces important ones first.

+1 on this suggestion! I really think you should talk to the schools...I know people who have approached the school and paid all these fees (including the "voluntary" fee) in instalments to reduce the burden of cost rather than pay it in one go and be stuck financially. As for school books, are you in a book rental scheme with the school(s)? If they don't offer this option to parents, you should be asking why along with other parents.

Not all bits and pieces of stationary really need to be got for the first day back. Some of it you may not really need until later in the year. Go through any copy books and A4 refill pads you might still have from last year and if only a few pages have been used, carefully take out the used pages and use the same copybook again. I would also suggest as a means to cut the cost, compare prices on stationary before you buy it, even consider getting stuff you know you'll need a lot of (e.g. A4 folders and lever arch folders) from office suppliers who are a lot cheaper and might also do special deals throughout the year on items like this or check Aldi and Lidl, the latter having both had a lot of stationary stuff recently. If you're really stuck on the whole thing of back to school stuff maybe the grandparents, uncles or aunts on either side could help you out with that - even from bargain hunting to getting the stuff needed.

Also just more general ..... are you worrying alone about money, or with your husband too? Look you really, really need to swallow your pride about money and let people know you are not doing as well as you have pretended. People can and will be understanding. What will matter more to your family is that you have a roof over your heads and you're all safe and well, not that you give money that you don't have for a hen, for a wedding gift, for a round of drinks, for taxis. All that stuff isn't important whatsoever in the grand scheme of things, but what IS important is that roof over the head, food on the table, clothes on the back, and that is what your focus about money should be about. Not money in the card for your sister's wedding or insisting by pride in paying your way when you know you can't afford it... and can't afford to skip a mortgage payment to meet other costs and get into arrears that much deeper.

ihavenoname3

H

Bananaleaf

The aldi and lidl vouchers are a God send. You really can make that extra 10€ go further. Also, Paul Flynn did this guide too a while back - 7family meals for 50€ Great ideas there.

You can buy meats and freeze them or even stock up on toothpaste etc.

If you don't use all your oven space switch to a halogen oven. Yes they are an expense but you make it back in the first month. Our electricity bill went from €200 to €95 over a two month period and th oveoven cost us €35 in aldi but you can get them in other places. Aldi have them back in every so often.

I went to a friends wedding and had no money for a present. I recorded their first dance on my phone and uploaded it into some programme my friend has on their Apple Mac and then burned it DVD which cost nothing as my friend had blank DVDs.

I didn't buy anything new for the wedding either. I know you have to OP but for your children - only you will know that their clothes are not new. Everyone else will just assume that they are

bp

Also:

When having a cup of tea/ coffee only put what you need in the kettle - cheaper to boil

Don't leave tv, game consoles etc in standby - unplug it (saves electricity)

Don't leave chargers etc plugged in they use electricity

I turn my microwave off when not in use

Turn lights off when you leave the room, even just for a few minutes

Check prices in supermarkets by kg - for example two 6packs of SV own brand cat food is cheaper than one 12 pack.

The research panels are great - you can get Tesco vouchers etc - I do them and generally get 10-20e per week

coolcat63

With your children at school your husband could work from home - have a look at gumtree.co.uk for 'work from home', lots of telesales jobs that he can do on Skype. Boring and low paid but they will bring some money in with no/little outlay. Don't go for the ones that are repeated - the small ads from private companies are the best.

Kenny Bania

Shouldn't the bride/groom be paying for the bridesmaids dresses? I know my wife did, and everyone else I know did the same.

Agree with everyone else re the costs - you can rent or borrow suits for hub & kids (or try Adverts, or those FB Buy, Sell, Swap pages). And you don't both have to go drinking at the wedding - either you have the money or you don't. Being a DD means saving on drink + taxi fare. Also - BYOB - good suggestion. Keep it in the car.

Lots of ways to save. But sort your mortgage first. Ask your parents - at least there's no interest accruing.

woodchuck

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

Husband stays at home with kids and we literally have no money. He gets his dole but this is going to end very soon....We are minus every week.

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

My husband is looking for work but the money he is getting offered is the same as the dole! I swear to god, if one more person says to us 'is he not going to work' - I would suggest to them to look for work that pays well (he's in the security industry and pay is sh*t).

I'm assuming your husband is on job seekers allowance and that's going to end soon because the 9 months will be up and he'll be means tested against you?

If his dole is going to end soon, surely he'd take any job he can get?! I know the dole isn't much, but you're definitely going to feel it once it's gone. Sh1t pay is better than no pay. I think he needs to suck it up and take whatever he's offered. He can always continue to look for a better paid job while he's in a lower paying job.

dellas1979

I was going to more or less write the same post as Woodchuck.

Any job with an income is better than no job and no income.

You know, it would be better for you to get financial advice (for the long term). You sound like a high earner. You could post/fill out information on askaboutmoney.com

We have no idea what you spend. But honestly, if you are spending/prioritising aimlessly when times are tight (like your sister's wedding), then I think there are places you could cut down on.

When saving/trying to get money, you dont rob peter to pay paul, i.e., you can afford to drink at the wedding/hen, and get a taxi, and new clothes, but havent 2 beans you are telling us. The other option to the above is do it sober, and borrow or reuse/wear older clothes.

Sun in Capri

Hi OP, the longer this goes on the worse it will get for you - "robbing Peter to pay Paul". Hard and all as it would be I think you must sit your family down and explain your situation. Say your priority has to be your own family, kids and husband and that at the present time you simply have no money whatsoever for the wedding. How could they not understand when you explain? Say you are not asking for money but just that the wedding expense is just a step too far and that you can go and do bridesmaid but that is all you can do. You will go home that night and not stay over etc. I know all you said above, pride etc but if things are that bad you would be far better off being honest and taking the added stress off yourself. I really hope things improve for you.

Starscream25

Hi OP, I'm in a similar financial scenario, never been this broke in my life, went to a wedding recently and stuck to cidona, 2.50 a drink, so about a tenner for the reception part if you pace yourself well, drove home too after so saved another tone of money that I just didn't have in the first place.

TizTaly2015

Thank you all for your advice. There are some great suggestions here.

Myself and my husband sat down over the weekend and everything was laid out on the table. Someone asked earlier if I was carrying the worry myself or was he involved - the answer to this would be that I was probably carrying most of it but that was my choice. But now he knows and we have both agreed to carry the load together....

First of all, I am a dope! I never even thought of contacting the revenue to get his credits. Will be doing that today...

We are fairly frugal - we don't overspend on items and have cut some of our outgoings - shopping, clothes etc. Also with regards to small life changes (lights, kettle etc), I have definitely been more aware of this - people leaving lights on, leaving telly on standby etc. So I've become bit of hardballer when it comes to this - it seems to be working....

I am a high enough earner - not massive but a fairly decent wage so that's why his JSA will be gone completely. He will be assessed on me and get nothing....

In relation to him taking any kind of job....never mentioned this earlier but we have an 11 month old and he is staying at home to mind him but will take weekend night/day work.....we have done the figures and we are saving so much by him doing this. The child care costs would cripple us.....so unfortuantely, for the moment, he is quite limited in what he can take but not forever...

I spoke to another sister over the weekend and she is experiencing something similar so we are both putting our kids in their communion suits....my older lad will be dressed from Penneys at a cost of €30. Also, a friend has offered my husband a lovely suit so that's sorted also...

I save a very small amount every week with my employer (its for Christmas usually) but I am going to cash this in - this will help a lot with getting some things sorted...Christmas will be a very very cheap event for us this year but my kids are getting older and and need to understand that....the baby wont have a clue!

A nice unexpected surprise was a text from my sisters friend who cannot make the hens but has put €50 in my account to help cover any cost!!! So that was great - that will cover all the tacky hen bits/nibbles etc that we will need. Also, someone mentioned doing a book as gift? I have actually done this for her hens already.....

I was very stressed last week but feel a bit more optimistic today. Now that my husband knows the full extent, he hasn't been handing out cash willy nilly to the kids over the weekend for chicken fillet rolls when there's a fridge full of food!!!!

Thanks again and I am going to print off all the comments and go through them with a highlighter just to make sure I've taken everything on board!!

bee06

Well done OP, glad to hear things are a bit better for you. Don't forget to claim back tax from previous years for your husbands tax credits as well if that applies. And do you claim tax back on your medical expenses? You can claim for all medical expenses and prescriptions where you haven't got a refund for private medical insurance etc.

TizTaly2015

Yep, I have done in the past but had no medical expenses last year which is good I suppose!

Electric

OP, if your husband is staying at home to care for your children, then he may be entitled to a Home Carer Tax Credit - Link.

Ave Sodalis

In terms of wedding presents, is there anything your sister needs done? How about painting the kitchen, or tiding up the garden, or giving their house a very thorough cleaning? I know I'd appreciate that far more than another kettle, or another crystal vase or any other present which tend to get over bought for weddings...

magicmushroom

TizTaly what colour shoes are you looking for?

I have a fabulous paid I wore to my sisters wedding last month (as a Bridesmaid) they have been worn only the once and I won't wear them again - you are very welcome to take them from me!
They're silver and very lovely - size 5.

I hope you don't mind me offering, some people might not be into second hand stuff but it doesn't bother me at all, especially when they are practicallty new anyway!

I can post them to you if they sound suitable.

TizTaly2015

Hi magicmushroom. Thanks so much for your kind offer. I have been ruthless the last two days and have just stood up for myself!! I am going to wear shoes that I have from a previous wedding. They are the colour that she wants us in so happy days. One of my sis's wanted us all in matching shoes but I just said 'NO'!!! I have lovely shoes in the same colour so they will do....

Also, I texted my other sis who has paid for the bridesmaid dresses (Yes, I have lots of sisters!!) and told her I could not repay her for the dress until October. She told me that she does not want the money back as she is in an ok financial situation at the moment. While it does strike a little chord with my pride, I need to just take it on the chin and let her pay for it....

Supdude - she lives abroad so this wouldn't really work out. She's coming home to get married.

I have been revisiting all my costs again today and I have defo reduced it by a lot. Its still going to be a bit of strain - with the school fees as well but I am definitely not feeling as overwhelmed as I was last week. I think it just hit me last week when i listed everything down on paper. My mind just went into overdrive!

She is my closest sister and one of my best friends so I think I just got carried away with wanting the best for her for her day.........and the funny thing is, she is the most unmaterialistic person (is that a word??!) you would ever meet......very much a hippie soul....

Thank you all for your great suggestions again. Boards rocks.

magicmushroom

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

Hi magicmushroom. Thanks so much for your kind offer. I have been ruthless the last two days and have just stood up for myself!! I am going to wear shoes that I have from a previous wedding. They are the colour that she wants us in so happy days. One of my sis's wanted us all in matching shoes but I just said 'NO'!!! I have lovely shoes in the same colour so they will do....

Also, I texted my other sis who has paid for the bridesmaid dresses (Yes, I have lots of sisters!!) and told her I could not repay her for the dress until October. She told me that she does not want the money back as she is in an ok financial situation at the moment. While it does strike a little chord with my pride, I need to just take it on the chin and let her pay for it....

Supdude - she lives abroad so this wouldn't really work out. She's coming home to get married.

I have been revisiting all my costs again today and I have defo reduced it by a lot. Its still going to be a bit of strain - with the school fees as well but I am definitely not feeling as overwhelmed as I was last week. I think it just hit me last week when i listed everything down on paper. My mind just went into overdrive!

She is my closest sister and one of my best friends so I think I just got carried away with wanting the best for her for her day.........and the funny thing is, she is the most unmaterialistic person (is that a word??!) you would ever meet......very much a hippie soul....

Thank you all for your great suggestions again. Boards rocks.

Ah I'm delighted for you, well done for standing up for yourself!
And your sister is lovely paying for your dress. If it does dent your pride a little just remember that you won't be in this financial situation forever and in a few months or sometime next year you could take her out for a meal or something to say thank you.

Last year me and my husband split and when he moved out it took me a while to get used to only having the one income for bills etc.
One time when I was really struggling, I had a good clear out and sold a few bits online. It's amazing what you can make selling things you don't want anymore! I sold some dresses, shoes and bags on eBay and I also put some household bits on adverts.ie - you might think something is junk but there's always someone out there who will put it to good use.

Maybe you and your sister who is also struggling a bit could get together and do a car boot sale? A fun day out and anything made is a profit!

Just a couple of suggestions as they might help you with the school fees.

And another thing is there are some online surveys that pay for market research - I signed up with one a while ago and you get €1-€5 for each survey you complete online. When your balance has reached €50, they send you a cheque.

K_P

Glad you're seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. You being there for your sister on this day and throughout your lives and wanting to make the day special for her is worth more than any money in a card ever would.

Miaireland

OP have you contacted the school and explained your situation to them. They may allow you pay the money in stages rather than all on the first day of school.

Saipanne

What confuses me is why your husband is turning down work. Even a min wage job pays more than the dole?

magicmushroom

Saipanne wrote: »

What confuses me is why your husband is turning down work. Even a min wage job pays more than the dole?

Not really after tax. Minimum wage x 30 hours is €259.50 gross

Also they would have to pay large childcare fees as no one will be home to mind the kids.

Everyone else on this thread has offered helpful, constructive advice and you just felt the need to come in and question the husbands willingness to work - that's not the issue of the topic and the OP has already explained it so it really doesn't need to be queried.

Saipanne

magicmushroom wrote: »

Not really after tax. Minimum wage x 30 hours is €259.50 gross

Also they would have to pay large childcare fees as no one will be home to mind the kids.

Everyone else on this thread has offered helpful, constructive advice and you just felt the need to come in and question the husbands willingness to work - that's not the issue of the topic and the OP has already explained it so it really doesn't need to be queried.

Only one part of that post is correct. Now, welcome to my ignore button.

Ok, now that that's taken care of, I responded to the original post without reading the whole thread. I was actually on my way back to edit my post before I was chastised.

So, to the op, no offence intended, I was just confused as to why your husband was turning down work without realizing the child minding issue.

TizTaly2015

Its ok Saipanne, maybe I wasn't clear enough. He hasn't turned any work down. In fact, he has sent out lots of cv's and has heard nothing back........

Saipanne

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

Its ok Saipanne, maybe I wasn't clear enough. He hasn't turned any work down. In fact, he has sent out lots of cv's and has heard nothing back........

Sure if its part time work it is hardly worth his while.

Marle Meza

TizTaly2015 wrote: »

I think I just need to write all this down and get it out of my head before I explode. Getting chest pains and headaches just thinking about it......

I have no money. I work full time. I earn an ok wage. Husband stays at home with kids and we literally have no money. He gets his dole but this is going to end very soon....We are minus every week. Our outgoings exceed our income every week - and these are the weeks when there is no day out, new shoes/clothes for kids, car trouble, birthday parties, school trips, etc etc.

I've tried to reduce our outgoings - got rid of sky, changed to Lidl, buy secondhand clothes, buy kids runners from discount online stores.....

But what is really really getting to me is that my sister is getting married in a few weeks and it is going to cost us about 600/700 - this is clothes for my husband and kids and shoes for me (as cheap as we can), I owe my sis money for bridesmaid dress, money in card, money for night, taxis home, hen night expense, stag night expense.....and so on...

I cannot see where I am going to get this money. I applied for a CU loan but they turned me down because we are in arrears with our mortgage. Not much, only about 800 euro but enough for the CU to turn us down.

I am getting so stressed about it. I cant ask my parents as they are paying for the wedding and we cant ask my husbands parents as they helped us buy a new car last year (we didnt ask, they offered but we REALLY needed their help...)

My husband is looking for work but the money he is getting offered is the same as the dole! I swear to god, if one more person says to us 'is he not going to work' - I would suggest to them to look for work that pays well (he's in the security industry and pay is sh*t).

I was even thinking of getting a provident loan but I am not. I refuse to pay over 150% APR on a loan of €500.....

I just dont know what to do. On top of all the wedding expense, I need about €200 for the kids school fees and their stationary. I have all their books and uniforms which is one small saving grace but I still need this amount....!!!

I never thought being 'grown up' would be so hard.

I hate having no money even though I work my bloody arse off. It sickens me that I have to leave my lovely little baby every morning to come into an office, for what? To have -€0 at the end of every week...
I have tried to be savvy and put bits away every week but every week I end up taking it to pay for something..........

I know I'm not alone but sometimes I feel like just giving up and living off the grid in a tent in a field somewhere.................

I have a small suggestion to make to you. I think it would be great with the older kids. You could try at the weekends to earn a bit of extra cash by crafting. There are so many ways you could do this, design and make your own greeting cards, decoupage items like wooden hangers from dealz or eurogiant, knitting, sewing, button pictures and the list goes on and on. Other crafters would happily donate items to you. I know of some facebook groups that would and people on Adverts. You can make money by selling them online or at fairs or markets. That's one suggestion, the other is that you have to speak up about how things are with you to your sister. Things once out in the open is always better. You need to sometimes take the bull by the horns.

I hope things will get better for you.

zeffabelli

Hi op,

I find weddings far too demanding of an expense, so I don't go to them. Often, I find it insane they expect people to cover travel expenses, outfits, and a gift, especially if a whole family has to come or you also have to pay for childcare. Yes you are cordially invited to spend €600 to come to a party that orbits around the photographer.

I know it's your sister and you're close, but I have explained sometimes to my own family it is just too much and if they aren't understanding, I feel relieved because why would I make such a sacrifice for people who aren't understanding in the first place. And they are generally understanding.

And don't forget Christmas is three months away.

toadfly

OP if you dont mind me asking, what part of the country are you in and what ages are your kids? I work in retail and might be able to help out with a discount for the kids Xmas stuff. I know it's a while away but youre likely to be thinking of that soon and worried about the costs.

Or possibly a part time job from now til Xmas for your husband.

Bananaleaf

€10 off when you spend 50 today and all this week at LIDL. You can get the voucher in the Star (90c)

Discount applied immediately so brings your shop down to €40

magicmushroom

toadfly wrote: »

OP if you dont mind me asking, what part of the country are you in and what ages are your kids? I work in retail and might be able to help out with a discount for the kids Xmas stuff. I know it's a while away but youre likely to be thinking of that soon and worried about the costs.

Or possibly a part time job from now til Xmas for your husband.

Oh my God what a lovely offer!

TizTaly2015

Thank you all again for your great suggestions. I have been doing my shopping in Dunnes lately as they are doing that whole €10 off with every €50 you spend so I am getting the same shop but for €20/€30 quid cheaper.

Toadfly - we are in Dublin. Thank you for your very kind offer. Christmas is not even on my radar at the moment!!!! I know its coming but I can't even let myself think that far ahead. It will be a cheap one for sure but my older kids don't 'believe' any more and the baby doesn't understand!

Its amazing what being honest can do. Since I started this post, I've spoken to two of my sisters and my mother and they are all in agreement with keeping costs down wherever we can. The sister who's wedding it is - we were speaking this morning and we are going to make the table decorations with old jars and wildflowers! So she is even in on the buzz!!!

The September child benefit is due in next Tuesday so this will go straight towards school fees/other books needed/school jacket for my older boys.

Thanks again to you all...

ElectraX

Very sorry to hear about your money worries-and yes weddings are very expensive so can appreciate it is very stressful for you.I have never heard of a bridesmaid paying for her own dress-so find this very unusual-and that's money that would by the sounds of it make a real difference to you!
To be honest, as you are bridesmaid, they should be paying your accomodation for the night-that tends to be the etiquette but every family is different.There has been some great ideas given out so far and I really hope things turn a corner for you.But it sounds like you are close to your family and they would probably die if they knew the strain you were under.Perhaps one of them would be in a position to give you a bit of a loan to just get you back on your feet. You should't be too proud,That's what family are for.