Advice on whether or not someone is interested in dating you?

Stuck9876

Hi I'll try my best to give the gist of the situation

Been texting this woman regularly for about 6 months now & I'm highly unsure of whether she's interested in meeting up for a date or 2 ?
Or whether she's just agreeing to meet up to keep everything nicely nicely when we text & then come up with an excuse to cancel the date ? Which has happened a few times already

One example when we were supposed to meet up for coffee/tea but we didn't, she did apologise, but only after I made it clear I was unhappy that she cancelled

She said she was highly busy with work for the time we arranged to meet up. She knew there was a decent chance she wouldn't make it yet she went ahead with agreeing to meet up with me anyway

When I let her know that I wasn't happy about this she did accept that she shouldn't have agreed to meet up knowing she was highly busy & probably mightn't make it. What she should've done was be honest & say "Oh I'm busy for this weekend I'm up to my eyes with work but how about the following weekend for tea/coffee I'm a lot less busy then" which I would've agreed on & which I would've respected a lot more for being honest.

That's just 1 example there's a few others similar enough to this which I can explain as the thread goes on

We don't really send flirty texts either, I have a reason for this but I could be in the wrong for not doing it

Another negative thing is I always have to initiate us to text, when I do though she does take the time out to text me

So I don't know re reading what I've typed it doesn't sound like she's interested in me at all

Any advice please

Six months seems a hell of a long time to be in contact with someone you're not interested in ..

Stuck9876

Deleted User wrote: »

Six months seems a hell of a long time to be in contact with someone you're not interested in ..

I know, which is another factor to consider

Now we don't text every single day within those 6 months ! It's been nearly a week since we last text, but I'm confident if I gave her a text now Im highly sure she'd text me back

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Sounds like too much hard work, tbh. I'd move on.

Roselm

Stuck9876 wrote: »

I know, which is another factor to consider

Now we don't text every single day within those 6 months ! It's been nearly a week since we last text, but I'm confident if I gave her a text now Im highly sure she'd text me back

So what's keeping the interest going if you don't meet up ever and you don't flirt?!

JJJayne

Honestly ppl can make all sorts of excuses not to do things but we can always find time to do things we really want to .she probably enjoys the texting but it doesnt sound like she wants more .You shud cut your losses and move on .Someone else is out there waiting on you x

P_Cash

Lol, if u need to ask the question it's time to move on.

Stop wasting your time

Stuck9876

Roselm wrote: »

So what's keeping the interest going if you don't meet up ever and you don't flirt?!

Good question

I see good in her, even though my opening post mightn't suggest it

I know she's a smart, intelligent woman as well

She loves to keep physically fit, as in work outs

I guess I've taking a liking to her over the past few months

There's other reasons as well

Why don't you flirt?

Stuck9876

JJJayne wrote: »

Honestly ppl can make all sorts of excuses not to do things but we can always find time to do things we really want to .she probably enjoys the texting but it doesnt sound like she wants more .You shud cut your losses and move on .Someone else is out there waiting on you x

Yeah I understand completely where you're coming from & I agree, if you wanted to meet up with someone even if you're very busy you'll find a few hours from somewhere

I agree

Wright

Hmm the cancellations would be a red flag for me.

Not winding down contact over six months doesn't mean she's interested, could be she's just being nice about it.

I'd say at this point, ask her out directly. Cleanest way about it whatever the outcome. Good luck!

Stuck9876

Deleted User wrote: »

Why don't you flirt?

We were chatting about previous dates she's been on & explained that 1 of these dates that she was on a 1st date with was too flirty flirty, as in he was talking about sex & positions from what I could gather off of her

She doesn't give me the impression that she's into the standard way of flirting through texts, she's probably got enough of that before from previous blokes texting her

I try to send her quirky texts that would make her smile & possibly chuckle to herself to get her interested rather than going straight into very flirty texts

There have been texts where I've send her winky smilies, but as fair as I know she didn't send any winky texts back like if you get me

vertmann

Have you ever actually met this woman? I get the impression you met online and have been texting ever since. Some people are happy to text forever but have no intention of ever meeting up. This lady (if indeed she is a lady - have you ever heard of Catfishing?) sounds like someone who's enjoying the attention.

One warning sign is that you have to keep initiating contact. If someone's interested it'll be closer to 50/50. If it's not 50/50 it'll at least be happening enough to not have you noticing.

The clincher here are the cancelled dates. If she genuinely wanted to meet you she'd make the effort. You could excuse one cancelled date but you've referred to her coming up with excuses a few times. Bluntly that means that she does not want to go on a date with you. If she wanted to meet you she'd find the time and make the effort. I doubt her job is so busy that she cannot find even one free hour in a 7 day week.

Sorry Stuck but you're wasting your time here. I also think you're building her up into something she's not because you've not met her. That's what happens if you text someone for too long without actually meeting them.

MagicMarker

She's not interested OP.

Stuck9876

Wright wrote: »

I'd say at this point, ask her out directly. Cleanest way about it whatever the outcome. Good luck!

I've asked her out directly before, for stuff like 1 or 2 drinks or a nice meal in town or something. She always agrees but nothing ever happens

& I don't want to give an ultimatum or do you think something like that would be a good idea ?

Sound Bite

She's probably not interested and just likes having her ego flattered. You have a lot of patience.

Send her one final message along the lines of "we've been chatting for some time now, meet me next Friday?" Don't take any more excuses.

vertmann

You'd swear you were trying to coax her to go to the dentist or something. I wouldn't even bother with an ultimatum.

Addle

All sounds very contrived on your part OP. It sounds like too much work to me too.

Meauldsegosha

Have you spoken to her on the phone or over Skype or has all your contact been by text?

Wright

Stuck9876 wrote: »

I've asked her out directly before, for stuff like 1 or 2 drinks or a nice meal in town or something. She always agrees but nothing ever happens

& I don't want to give an ultimatum or do you think something like that would be a good idea ?

Nope. I reckon maybe look elsewhere OP.

Stuck9876

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Have you spoken to her on the phone or over Skype or has all your contact been by text?

We only tried that recently, it didn't go too well ha, we don't have free calls she hadn't got viber & whatsapp was horrible kept on breaking up, we kind of gave up trying to have a phone conversation after that

Neither of us mentioned skype

Stuck9876

I am reading & taking everyone's comments into consideration I just can't reply to all of them but they are greatly appreciated

I was thinking of sending her the ultimatum text & see what her response is, even though some people advised against it

vertmann

Stuck9876 wrote: »

We only tried that recently, it didn't go too well ha, we don't have free calls she hadn't got viber & whatsapp was horrible kept on breaking up, we kind of gave up trying to have a phone conversation after that

Neither of us mentioned skype

More excuses. I know you are very eager to meet this woman but it shouldn't be as hard as this. You are persistent, I'll give you that. If you can't accept what we are all telling you, then try one more time to meet her. If it doesn't work out, delete her number and move on.

Stuck9876

I was also thinking would it be a good idea to copy & paste the text that I'm going to send her ? To get your opinions before I send it

Or is that a bad idea as it's a bit too much & I should just use my own judgment on what to send her ?

tomwaterford

Stuck9876 wrote: »

I was also thinking would it be a good idea to copy & paste the text that I'm going to send her ? To get your opinions before I send it

Or is that a bad idea as it's a bit too much & I should just use my own judgment on what to send her ?

You know her?
Though are you texting other people??
I wouldn't rely on the one person

libelula

Don't send an ultimatum text, just tell her you'd like to meet her and see if there's a spark. If she doesn't jump at the idea then cut contact and move on.
You deserve to be with someone who wants to see you.

ManOfMystery

OP, when you're interested in someone and they're not feeling the same way back - but enjoy the ego boost they get from your interest - it's a bit like them dangling a carrot in front of you. They can cancel numerous times, but dangle that carrot again and you'll still spend every day living in hope that you might get together.

People strike up relationships every day. It doesn't take countless texts. It doesn't take 6 months. It doesn't take numerous failed attempts at a date. Some people even manage it online without ever meeting.

If she wanted to meet you as much as you want to meet her, it would have happened by now : it really IS that simple. Texts are easy to keep up, actually going on a date requires more effort and it's obvious she's not prepared to make the effort. One cancellation could be explained, but to happen again and again - it's excuses on her part.

Forget about her, and move on to someone who is as keen on you as you on them. You're completely wasting your time here.

Meauldsegosha

To be honest OP I wouldn't bother sending her an ultimatum text it's very clear what her intentions are. She doesn't initiate contact and any contact is spariodic. You have suggested coffee, drinks or dinner and in six months she hasn't been available for any. Nobody is that busy.

You're a text pal to this woman. If you are happy to continue that way then carry as you are but if you harbour (possible) romantic feeling for her then it's best to cut contact now.

Stuck9876

Unfortunately I agree with the 2 posts above

The way she only sees me as a text pal say, if she were to meet up I'd fancy my chances of changing her think tank as a text pal to something a lot more, but she won't give me that opportunity unfortunately

JJJayne

keep it simple .just say "hi how are you ? wanna go for a drink on friday .? then let us know war she says

Stuck9876

Does everyone think I should just leave her be then ?

I don't really see her as a text pal in my mind, not being nasty, I mean I see her as more than a text pal

Stuck9876

JJJayne wrote: »

keep it simple .just say "hi how are you ? wanna go for a drink on friday .? then let us know war she says

A text that short probably wouldn't work, someone mentioned about a spark earlier on to put it in a text

Ah I don't know I'm losing interest already to be honest

I was going to copy & paste on here that I was going to send her, but there's probably not much point in that now

Stuck9876

I'm more disheartened than anything else

vertmann

There's a time and a place for ultimatums. It's certainly not for asking someone to meet you for a cup of coffee ffs. I guarantee you - this woman's only interested in the attention she's getting and in stringing you along. If you had had your way you would've met her months ago. If she was any way nearly as eager she would have met you by now. You sound like a farmer trying to drag a particularly obstinate mule across a field in the hope that it might have a drink of water from the trough at the other end .

ManOfMystery

Stuck9876 wrote: »

Does everyone think I should just leave her be then ?

I don't really see her as a text pal in my mind, not being nasty, I mean I see her as more than a text pal

I think at this point in time - as in right now - you should not text her again. No big goodbye or ultimatum required. Just move on. If she initiates a text, feel free to reply but do so with a clear head and no belief that it's going to lead anywhere other than to continue stroking her ego.

Meauldsegosha

Stuck9876 wrote: »

Does everyone think I should just leave her be then ?

I don't really see her as a text pal in my mind, not being nasty, I mean I see her as more than a text pal

I'm a firm believer that you don't really know someone until you meet them and spend some time with them. You have had one short telephone conversation with her and never met her. It is very rare that two people can become romantically involved when they only exchange texts. It's even less rare when only one of those people is initiating contact.

OP have you had much experience in relationships?

JJJayne

so stuck have you decided what you going to do ??.i think everyone is more or less in agreement that its time to move .But i suppose only you can make that decision

dudara

@JJJayne - welcome to Boards. Please take the time to read the forum charter and become familiar with the posting standards required here.

Expressly asking the OP for updates is not allowed under the PI/RI charter.

dudara

Wabbit Ears

Wasting your time on this one, by all means text away as friends but there doesn't sound like there is even the tiniest bit of romance.

Wright

Stuck9876 wrote: »

I was thinking of sending her the ultimatum text

What am I even reading. Dude.

LegacyUser

Op I disagree with most of the responses here and if I were you, I would send her a message.

I would ask her out one last time. Tell her how you feel, that you really like her and have enjoyed getting to know her through text but you feel that there is no progression and initially when you got talking to her that you were not interested in a texting relationship/friendship but have enjoyed the interactions however you would actually like to meet up.

If she is not receptive to this then just cut contact and you can move forward knowing that you gave it a shot. If you don't and just cut contact I think you will have regrets and start thinking "what if".

She might say "yes" which would be great but prepare yourself for the fact that she might make excuses again which is your answer after being straight with her.

too many people are dishonest with how they feel. Just be straight with her and you will feel better in yourself, knowing that you gave it a go. If it is an ego trip that she enjoys and her response confirms this, it will make it easier for you to move on knowing that she is not the woman that you thought.

Stuck9876

JJJayne wrote: »

so stuck have you decided what you going to do ??.i think everyone is more or less in agreement that its time to move .But i suppose only you can make that decision

I don't think theres much point in me sending her a text asking her out again

I'd feel I'd be making a fool of myself, which I probably already have done with not realising quick enough that she's not interested

At least with this thread no one knows who I am so I don't feel as stupid here

I'll just leave her be

Riverireland

Stuck9876 wrote: »

I don't think theres much point in me sending her a text asking her out again

I'd feel I'd be making a fool of myself, which I probably already have done with not realising quick enough that she's not interested

At least with this thread no one knows who I am so I don't feel as stupid here

I'll just leave her be

I'd just ask her straight out if I were you. At least then you'll know for sure and won't always have a doubt in your mind. If she says no the ball is in your court, you can remain friends with her or just move on. It just takes a straight question. "Do you want to go on a date with me, if so when and where?" Best of luck.

Wright

1moretext wrote: »

Op I disagree with most of the responses here and if I were you, I would send her a message.

I would ask her out one last time. Tell her how you feel, that you really like her and have enjoyed getting to know her through text but you feel that there is no progression and initially when you got talking to her that you were not interested in a texting relationship/friendship but have enjoyed the interactions however you would actually like to meet up.

Terrible advice, sorry.

Only do this OP if you wanna give the girl the creeps.

Riverireland

OP, how did you first get in contact with this woman? Only seeing that you have never met her. Have you even see a photo of her or know where she lives?

Riverireland

Wright wrote: »

Terrible advice, sorry.

Only so this OP if you wanna give the girl the creeps.

I think the OP needs closure on this one way or the other. What is the big deal with expecting to meet someone after six months?

Wright

Riverireland wrote: »

I think the OP needs closure on this one way or the other. What is the big deal with expecting to meet someone after six months?

Closure from what? There was never anything there.

OP, seriously I'd say just don't contact her again. I know that sting well but the writing's on the wall. Go on meetup.com and find something going on in your area like hikes or life drawing or whatever and you'll meet lots of people that way. You're putting too much into what is pretty innocent chatting and if you continue with it there's only the one way it can end; badly.

LegacyUser

Wright wrote: »

Terrible advice, sorry.

Only so this OP if you wanna give the girl the creeps.

Not sure how this should give her the creeps. It is more creepy in my opinion to keep a superficial contact going with someone with no intention of it going anywhere.

There is nothing wrong with showing a bit of vulnerability op as long as you are comfortable with yourself and either outcome. If she's not in to it then she's not and do not react badly but just accept that she is not for you. At least you know where you stand and you can move on. If you just go no contact without discussing it then you will be left with a feeling of doubt.

The Princess Bride

Hi OP.
6 weeks would be a long time to be texting with no hint of a meet.6 months is just too long to invest precious time in something that might lead to nothing- just my opinion.
You mention that you're the one always initiating the texting?
If this was my scenario, I'd not text again and start looking elsewhere for potential dates.

If she really wanted to meet you, she'd have agreed to a date by now.
No offence by the way, but you do deserve better than this- which is 6 months of nothing, in my opinion.

Wright

1moretext wrote: »

Not sure how this should give her the creeps. It is more creepy in my opinion to keep a superficial contact going with someone with no intention of it going anywhere.

You find acquaintances creepy?

vertmann

Hey Stuck, try not to feel too foolish. All you wanted was to ask someone out. That's something that takes guts. It's not as if you were asking this young lady to donate a vital organ or something -all you wanted was a cup of coffee. It shouldn't be this hard and normally it isn't. She knew and knows that you like her and want to meet. That it hasn't happened after 6 months tells you all you need to know about her and about your situation. Try not to take it personally. Like I said, all you wanted was a date. She's the one who was mean-spirited here and strung you along despite knowing nothing was ever going to happen.

I've not done online dating myself but from anything I've heard about it, you are better off meeting the person you're messaging pretty quickly. There are big reasons for this. The first one is most pertinent to yourself here - by trying to meet in person soon you're weeding out the people who just want to text. Secondly, you can't really get to know what a person's really like through texts and emails. The person you've created in your head is just that - a creation.