Wedding Cost and Gifts

A_Sober_Paddy

So myself and the girlfriend were just talking about weddings and the cost, we're on different pages re size and budget, but that neither here or there at the moment, she is under the impression that 90% of the cost is recouped with wedding guests presents.

Just outta curiosity what was yere experience with that, what % of your wedding cost was recouped by gifts. I think 90% is dream world stuff

amdublin

Are you inviting your guests for their presence or their presents??????


"recouping costs" Hey why don't you just sell tickets to your wedding so that you "recoup" 100%??????


Do you expect to recoup costs on every party you throw as a matter of interest?

Lima Golf

This thread isn't going to end well

johnnyonionring

amdublin wrote: »

Are you inviting your guests for their presence or their presents??????


"recouping costs" Hey why don't you just sell tickets to your wedding so that you "recoup" 100%??????


Do you expect to recoup costs on every party you throw as a matter of interest?

If you are not going to answer the question asked without trying to judge people you don't know then you shouldn't be commenting.

I think its an honest question from someone just being curious. no need for the smartness

aaakev

Our wedding cost approximately €11k, i think in cash presents we got about €7k. We were delighted and it was unexpected as we only invited people we genuinely wanted to share the day with and would have been happy with just their presence for the weekend

amdublin

johnnyonionring wrote: »

If you are not going to answer the question asked without trying to judge people you don't know then you shouldn't be commenting.

I think its an honest question from someone just being curious. no need for the smartness

I honestly don't think I am being smart.


I don't like when weddings are seen as an opportunity to recoup costs. Why would you want to have a party and celebration with your friends when you are thinking of how to pay for it, and whether you will "recoup your costs" or not.


I don't throw parties in my house thinking about recouping costs for it. And I paid for my own wedding. I don't need or want presents from my friends but anything they give (anything!!! cash or not) would be graciously accepted for the thought they put into it.

Flippyfloppy

To be honest, without going into the morality of expecting the wedding paid for, no I don't think you will get as many 'presents' as the wedding will cost. Some people try to give cash gifts to cover the cost of their plate. Not all guests do, and dont forget, on top of venue costs you have band, ceremony music, invite & booklets, cake, attire , make up & hair for the bridal party & wedding cars , flowers, centrepieces & photographer costs to factor in.

johnnyonionring

amdublin wrote: »

I honestly don't think I am being smart.


I don't like when weddings are seen as an opportunity to recoup costs. Why would you want to have a party and celebration with your friends when you are thinking of how to pay for it, and whether you will "recoup your costs" or not.


I don't throw parties in my house thinking about recouping costs for it. And I paid for my own wedding. I don't need or want presents from my friends but anything they give (anything!!! cash or not) would be graciously accepted for the thought they put into it.

I don't think he is viewing his wedding as an opportunity to recoup costs. he was just being curious.

godtabh

amdublin wrote: »

I honestly don't think I am being smart.


I don't like when weddings are seen as an opportunity to recoup costs. Why would you want to have a party and celebration with your friends when you are thinking of how to pay for it, and whether you will "recoup your costs" or not.


I don't throw parties in my house thinking about recouping costs for it. And I paid for my own wedding. I don't need or want presents from my friends but anything they give (anything!!! cash or not) would be graciously accepted for the thought they put into it.

But that wasn't the question asked.

For me it was about 50% but we saved for 2 years to make sure we had the wedding / honeymoon we wanted and still have some savings. Anything we got was a bonus and probably got more presents than cash as we had just bought a house as well

amdublin

godtabh wrote: »

But that wasn't the question asked.

Well this is a discussion forum, it's not unusual for people to give their opinion about the question asked on boards.ie

OP, you need to sit down and do all the figures. Venue, food, drinks, band, disco, clothes for whole bridal party, cars, church, flowers hair,makeup, gifts for bridesmaids and anything else you can think of! If you are lucky, you'll get 50% of that in cash presents. If the other 50% is beyond your budget, you need to think again.

A_Sober_Paddy

I was asking out of curiosity, as my girlfriend was saying we could have a bigger wedding because guests will cover the cost I'd ideally want to be spending no more than 8k no more and she seems to be looking at 12k which is crazy...

johnnyonionring

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

I was asking out of curiosity, as my girlfriend was saying we could have a bigger wedding because guests will cover the cost I'd ideally want to be spending no more than 8k no more and she seems to be looking at 12k which is crazy...

how many guests are you planning on inviting?

A_Sober_Paddy

johnnyonionring wrote: »

how many guests are you planning on inviting?

She was like 120-30

aaakev

amdublin wrote: »

Well this is a discussion forum, it's not unusual for people to give their opinion about the question asked on boards.ie

To be fair to the op he didn't seem like he was thinking that way, you just jumped on it and ran, really really far......

amdublin

aaakev wrote: »

To be fair to the op he didn't seem like he was thinking that way, you just jumped on it and ran, really really far......

Oh I am sorry? Stating that he/she wants to know how much costs they will recoup does not actually mean he/she wants to recoup costs?

aaakev

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

She was like 120-30

I think you will need to up your budget or if not possible, postpone until you can. Weddings, even when you try to keep on top of the costs absorb money like nothing else!

The advice above from maryanne84 was solid but id say make sure you can cover 75%+

johnnyonionring

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

She was like 120-30

that is not going to be cheap..... average 50 per head is already 6000, not to mention the dress, suits, flowers, cake, band, dj, transport etc....

aaakev

amdublin wrote: »

Oh I am sorry? Stating that he/she wants to know how much costs they will recoup does not actually mean he/she wants to recoup costs?

Come on now your first comment was out of order and i think you know it.

johnnyonionring wrote: »

that is not going to be cheap..... average 50 per head is already 6000, not to mention the dress, suits, flowers, cake, band, dj, transport etc....

Yeah i had expected to get away with a similar budget the op has in mind but that was with 70-80 people in mind! We ended up with 60 odd and €11k. Was grand though because i only plan on doing it the once :P

amdublin

aaakev wrote: »

Come on now your first comment was out of order and i think you know it.


....Was grand though because i only plan on doing it the once :P

No. I personally do not think you should throw a party that you need to rely on your guests cash gifts so that you can "recoup costs". And while the op is not alone in thinking that way and is not alone in asking that question I think the question is out of order.


I too intend only being married once so I saved and paid for my wedding myself without thought on "recouping costs"

lazygal

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

So myself and the girlfriend were just talking about weddings and the cost, we're on different pages re size and budget, but that neither here or there at the moment, she is under the impression that 90% of the cost is recouped with wedding guests presents.

Just outta curiosity what was yere experience with that, what % of your wedding cost was recouped by gifts. I think 90% is dream world stuff

You're right. We didn't "cover our costs" but we planned our wedding with our budget and savings in mind. If you can't afford something out of pocket do not rely on gifts to pay for it.

johnnyonionring

lazygal wrote: »

You're right. We didn't "cover our costs" but we planned our wedding with our budget and savings in mind. If you can't afford something out of pocket do not rely on gifts to pay for it.

absolutely agree, best to just plan for whats in your budget

Toots

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

I was asking out of curiosity, as my girlfriend was saying we could have a bigger wedding because guests will cover the cost I'd ideally want to be spending no more than 8k no more and she seems to be looking at 12k which is crazy...

Ooh jaysus that's dangerous territory you're straying into there! Factoring in gifts into the budget is nuts - the days of being guaranteed to get €200+ from each couple are gone. You could get a good chunk of cash, but you could also get a lot of 'wrapped up' gifts instead of cash. My advice is this: if your GF wants to spend 12k, then budget as though you're going to get 130 toasters - make sure you can cover all your costs without needing cash gifts, then any that you do get can be used to buy yourselves some nice treats.

Typer Monkey

The cash gifts we got totalled around 50% of what our wedding cost. I'd guess that's pretty standard

chanelfreak

I don't remember what we got as cash gifts, to be fair it wasn't much at all and we weren't expecting anything as we got married abroad, so we honestly expected nothing as we knew the people who wanted to come would be out of pocket factoring in flights, hotels, etc.

We were super-boring and we put everything in a spreadsheet with the max cost factored in to give us an idea of what we'd need and then we saved like mad for two years. We paid for everything ourselves and to be honest with you, boring as it sounds, I'd recommend doing the same thing. As Toots said, the day and age of cash gifts is gone and it's really not a good idea to factor those in to cover some of the cost, as you could end up seriously out of pocket and having to get an unexpected loan out, which takes the shine off the big day.

skallywag

amdublin wrote: »

Oh I am sorry? Stating that he/she wants to know how much costs they will recoup does not actually mean he/she wants to recoup costs?

Read the OP's opening post again.

It's something that I could also be curious about myself, without at all necessarily meaning that it was my actual intention. It's a perfectly valid question, and I think that the OP deserves the feedback that he is looking for rather than folk jumping right down his throat.

OP, when my brother got married four years ago or so the cash gifts that they received were in the region of 2/3 of the total wedding costs.

The sniping & bitchiness on this forum never ceases to amaze me, it has to be the most acidic place on boards ...

skallywag

skallywag wrote: »

Read the OP's opening post again.

It's something that I could also be curious about myself, without at all necessarily meaning that it was my actual intention. It's a perfectly valid question, and I think that the OP deserves the feedback that he is looking for rather than folk jumping right down his throat.

OP, when my brother got married four years ago or so the cash gifts that they received were in the region of 2/3 of the total wedding costs.

The sniping & bitchiness on this forum never ceases to amaze me, it has to be the most acidic place on boards ...

Weddings bring out the worst in people!

thomas anderson.

We're inviting ~80 and it's going to cost ~15k. This is the cheapest we can get it to and doesn't include any surprises along the way

amdublin

skallywag wrote: »

Read the OP's opening post again.

It's something that I could also be curious about myself, without at all necessarily meaning that it was my actual intention. It's a perfectly valid question, and I think that the OP deserves the feedback that he is looking for rather than folk jumping right down his throat.

OP, when my brother got married four years ago or so the cash gifts that they received were in the region of 2/3 of the total wedding costs.

The sniping & bitchiness on this forum never ceases to amaze me, it has to be the most acidic place on boards ...

I have a differing view. I don't think it's valid at all to be questioning how much cash you will get for throwing a party.


I invite people to come celebrate with me and I don't think it's appropriate to see them as a method for paying for the party and in advance to be calculating how much I will "recoup" from them.


Like I said, the op is not alone in thinking like this way, but I don't think that way and I don't like that way of thinking. And I think my opinion is as a valid as all you people who think it is okay to be thinking this way

MsGiggles

amdublin wrote: »

I have a differing view. I don't think it's valid at all to be questioning how much cash you will get for throwing a party.


I invite people to come celebrate with me and I don't think it's appropriate to see them as a method for paying for the party and in advance to be calculating how much I will "recoup" from them.


Like I said, the op is not alone in thinking like this way, but I don't think that way and I don't like that way of thinking. And I think my opinion is as a valid as all you people who think it is okay to be thinking this way

To be fair I don't think he even said that. He said his partner thought that way and asked if anyone on here would have a similar viewpoint. I don't think its fair to assume he thinks this way when he only asked a question....

skallywag

amdublin wrote: »

...the op is not alone in thinking like this...

Read the OP's opening post again.

He said no such thing.

sullivk

We got about 50% of our wedding costs back in cash gifts.

As a previous poster said, it's not a good idea to rely on gifts to pay for the wedding.
We paid for ours using savings and any gifts we got after were a lovely bonus that we've popped in the bank until we decide what to treat ourselves to

Fudge You

skallywag wrote: »

Read the OP's opening post again.

He said no such thing.

Yes, but the op's girlfriend said it.
And it is a terrible idea to think you'll get 90% of the costs back through presents.
It makes guests coming to a wedding look like walking talking giant cards with at least €100 in them, €200+ for a couple.

amdublin

MsGiggles wrote: »

To be fair I don't think he even said that. He said his partner thought that way and asked if anyone on here would have a similar viewpoint. I don't think its fair to assume he thinks this way when he only asked a question....

To be fair it is clear that him and his girlfriend are discussing how much they will "recoup" from their guests. She thinks it could be as much as 90%, he thinks that's "dream" stuff. So he's come on to get an accurate picture of how much they will "recoup".

I'm sorry I don't like that way of thinking. When throwing a party I never get my guests to pay ( in advance or in gift form). For my wedding I saved for it, anything my guests gave me to wish me well in the future was taken in that spirit, not anticipated in advance so that I could count on "recouping costs".

amdublin

Ps. Maybe the op is not thinking that way, just his girlfriend. But in that case you would think he'd tell her to rely on getting nothing, saving everything rather than coming here to see what they will get. It just feels like the present is seen as more important than the presence when questions like this are posed.

Into The Blue

Just to answer the op's question, most guests give cash these days op, outside of boards I've never heard anyone saying that just attending was enough..

120 people attending is 60 couples, 200 per couple, (the odd generous uncle will offset the odd miserable guest who don't even cover their meal), you're looking at 11 to 12k.

I'll leave my opinions on this to a thread where it's actually the topic of conversation.

Liam McPoyle

We had our wedding covered by savings, some help from our folks and a small loan, what we got on the day gift wise went straight back to paying the loan which as it now stands is about 15% of what we borrowed and will be cleared at the end of this month.

12k for 120/130 people is going to be damn near impossible unless you are going to have it off season, mid week and at a venue at the lower end of the spectrum.

If ye are planning even a somewhat extravagant honeymoon (long haul for more than a week) then you can easily tack on another minimum of €5000 between flights, accommodation and spending money.

When we started planning our's I had an idea of what we would spend, boy, was I wrong. If your girlfriends idea of what you want to spend is already 50% higher than you would be happy to spend, before going to view venues, dresses, wedding rings, bands and all the rest, you are in for a major shock Im afraid.

We did not factor in any gifts on the day when planning ours, that should be treated purely as a bonus.

Toots

Ok, this is getting way too preachy, the OP asked a question, if people can't answer it without jumping down his throat, then don't answer it at all.

amdublin you've made your point, please don't post the same thing again on the thread.

stickybookmark

Business Cat wrote: »

We did not factor in any gifts on the day when planning ours, that should be treated purely as a bonus.

Same here.

Our cash presents from guests (not including our parents) totalled 25% of the cost of our wedding (not including honeymoon coz we didn't really have one)

We had around 150 at it. Presents varied from 100 to 500 per couple. (the 500 was from aunts & uncles)

But we really splashed out on certain parts of our wedding (e.g. food, drink & venue) and alot of the guests on one side wouldn't have a lot of money.

There are a lot of variables!

December2012

Got married in boom years and even then the gifts didn't come close to the amount spent on wedding. So don't factor it in at all.

Milly33

OMG you said it outload oh the shame the shame haha....

Think it depends really I would think maybe around 60% - 70% but then we haven't got hitched yet so I don't know but I know from asking a few others...

Smartguy

Ignoring parents, cash gifts came to around 50% of the day itself ie not including the honeymoon.
Most people gave cash averaging out around 75-100 per person.

This must bethe only place where people say you shouldnot expect any cash gifts or factor it in. My sister got married a couple of years ago so I had a fair idea of what we were likely to get, we have been to plenty other weddings also so again not unreasonable to assume you will get a certain amount of cash.

fits

Milly33 wrote: »

OMG you said it outload oh the shame the shame haha....

Think it depends really I would think maybe around 60% - 70% but then we haven't got hitched yet so I don't know but I know from asking a few others...

Ours werent anything near that. But then we had relatively high cost per guest and 70 adults attended.

Milly33

Id say tis hard to know is it then. suppose everyone has different scenarios as you say.... welcome back too

stickybookmark

Into The Blue wrote: »

120 people attending is 60 couples, 200 per couple, (the odd generous uncle will offset the odd miserable guest who don't even cover their meal), you're looking at 11 to 12k.
.

Do NOT assume this. I got married 2 months ago and there were many,couples who either gave 100 or 150 per couple.

Help!!!!

OP could you not find a venue that does packages? Band/DJ included in price?

We found some couple only gave €50, some nothing at all

Neyite

The other thing to consider OP is the demographic of your guests. I realise I'm generalising but I've seen from cousins and extended family and siblings get married that Irish are extremely generous with their gifts, whether cash or gift. It's generally understood that a guest from Ireland will 'cover their plate' as they phrase goes, so you might get €100 upwards from a couple. In the UK, the gift average from a couple might be €20 upwards. Some demographics would be happy to stuff an envelope, others would prefer to get a physical gift.

If you have lots of mates who are going who are students, or in very low paid jobs, you'd also need to adjust your expectations there - for example, a student friend bringing a +1 wont have as much in an envelope as a couple who have good jobs (personal stingyness not taken into account here)

So really, its how long a piece of string is, isn't it? I do think that your girlfriends idea of 90% is a bit ambitious, to put it kindly.

And its all very well borrowing for the wedding you want. I know a few couples who did, and laid on a fabulous day. One couple separated and are still paying off their loans, another had one kid, then another and with the drop in income that 2 maternity leaves and creche fees bring, are still paying off their wedding years later. So think about the long term too.

liquoriceall

Into The Blue wrote: »

Just to answer the op's question, most guests give cash these days op, outside of boards I've never heard anyone saying that just attending was enough..

120 people attending is 60 couples, 200 per couple, (the odd generous uncle will offset the odd miserable guest who don't even cover their meal), you're looking at 11 to 12k.

I'll leave my opinions on this to a thread where it's actually the topic of conversation.

Cover their meal?? Will the couple cover the cost of the dress, hair, venue etc for the guests?? You would swear it was up to the guests to pay for the wedding as well as their own costs!

Toots

liquoriceall, I've already issued an on-thread warning about preachy posting on this thread, please be mindful of that when posting.

joeyboy12345

stickybookmark wrote:

Do NOT assume this. I got married 2 months ago and there were many,couples who either gave 100 or 150 per couple.

Help!!!! wrote:

We found some couple only gave €50, some nothing at all

Oh my god i cant believe that! It would be interesting if someone could set up a related or linked topic on how much money you give per person or per couple!no coments,just 2 figures!that would really open a lot of peoples eyes!

This is a very interesting and informative topic so fair play to the O.P. genuine people know he meant it in a good way.

Ive just ignored mr.dublins comments because he or she is not worth reading!no need for negativity!

Stheno

joeyboy12345 wrote: »

Oh my god i cant believe that! It would be interesting if someone could set up a related or linked topic on how much money you give per person or per couple!no coments,just 2 figures!that would really open a lot of peoples eyes!

Honestly do a search it's been done to death