Boyfriend gone silent!

Confused_123

Hey guys,

Just looking for another opinion on this odd situation I've found myself in!

A bit of background first - I'm 25, he's 32 (let's call him Tom). We met about 4 months ago & really hit it off. I love Tom's maturity yet ability to let his hair down have a good time. I was initially nervous about exclusivity, but only because it was my first serious relationship and I suppose I just got used to being single - and perhaps selfish with my time! I'm at the stage now though where I want something serious and long-term. We agreed to not see other people early on. We both work full-time & good jobs but always make time to see each other at weekends and week day evenings where possible. Intimacy was something that came slowly as I was a virgin up until I met him. Being honest I was quite apprehensive about that side of a relationship, but he immediately put me at ease & always made to feel comfortable. Things are great in general (with the exception of the 2 instances below) - we really bounce off each other & have such fun when we're together.

So say 2 months into our relationship, we were out with our own friends & agreed to meet up in a pub along the way. When we reached the nightclub, I met a lot of friends I hadn't spoken to in a long time & so spent most of my night catching up with them. They were all guy friends which meant nothing to me, but perhaps bothered him. Tom got very angry by the end of the night - and understandably so. I wasn't used to having a boyfriend "in tow". Even on a night out with the girls I would always do my own thing. Tom explained it wasn't necessarily the fact that I spent most of my night with these other friends that angered him, but rather that for e.g. I didn't introduce him as my boyfriend etc. He wasn't sure if I was ready for a relationship or if I was "into" him enough. Admittedly I may not show affection too outwardly but I really do have strong feelings for him & explained this to him. We both agreed we should give things another go. I was determined to show my emotions more now that I'd been given this second chance.

We got over that hiccup anyway & things were fine. We continued going on our little quirky dates or just have lazy nights in his place. The suddenly things got strange last Friday! We were watching movies over in his place, when he asked did I want to stay over - I agreed. Then around 1am I was getting tired & asked if he wanted to head to bed - then he said he had to work at 7am Sat morning and it probably wasn't worth my while staying. Inside I was a little annoyed, but I said that was fine. We made plans for a day out on the Sat - he was going to ring me when he finished work & we would head off then. Saturday came and I hung around by the phone all day - heard nothing. So around 6pm I text him, checking was everything ok with him. I was angry he ignored our plans but it was totally out of character for him so my main concern was checking that he was alright. I heard nothing back despite him “seeing" my message. I was heading out that night for a friend’s birthday – around 11pm I got a message from him saying: “Hey, sorry mental day – you out and about?” I was relieved to hear from him but very annoyed at the same time. I replied that I was out in town, he could join if he liked – no reply from him. I text him again on Sunday & Monday asking him just to let me know that everything was ok – that I was worried about him. Again, no reply despite him seeing the messages. This is really out of character for him – I just can’t understand what is wrong.

He told me a couple of things that lead me to believe he may be suffering from depression, but he assured me that he sees a doctor whenever he feels things are getting on top of him. I’m not sure if this is something to do with it – just a possibility. Friends think that there have been too many “red flags” already in such a short-term relationship & it’s a lot for me to deal with considering it’s my first serious relationship too. I really do love this guy – though at the moment what can I do? He’s simply not responding to my messages / answering my calls. Any advice?

CaraMay

Stop texting him and give him a call. It sounds very strange op and a sudden and dramatic change in behaviour generally doesn't bode well. You've tried and it's time to sit back now. He knows where you are if he wants to contact you. I wouldn't sit around waiting for him tbh. When friends start telling you it's not a great relationship it's time to listen as they tend to have perspective. There's no excuse for him ignoring your messages so prepare yourself for the worst. If you want to sort it now you need to ring / meet him.

What other red flags were there?

Penny Tration

It may not be the best advice, but what I would honestly, hand on heart do if I were in your position (and I have been), is send one last text - "Hi John. I hope you're okay. You've been ignoring me for quite a while now. I'll be honest, I'm worried. If there is something wrong, I'm happy to try help, but right now it's coming across as you just ignoring me. If you'd like to tell me if something's wrong, I'm here. If I don't hear back, I'll assume that you just chose to ignore me and take things from there.'

If he ignores it, well, you know where you stand.

Confused_123

CaraMay - Thanks for your reply. I have tried calling him, but it's going straight to voicemail. Yes - friends think I should just step away from the whole situation. I'm reluctant though because a) it's so out of character for him not to reply, b) the tragedies he has had in recent times which have brought on his depression c) we get on so well & have a great connection. I'm just so confused at the moment.

Boneyarsebogam - Friends think the first incident in the nightclub was a clear sign he was the "jealous" type. I totally understanding his point of view though and agreed with him to a large extent. They also think he can be very "needy".

Jenny - Thanks for your reply. My last exact message to him was Monday saying "Tom, I'm not sure what is going on at the moment, haven't heard from you since Sat. You have me worried all weekend, please just let me know you are OK" - nothing back.

I wouldn't be a big "texter" - he'd be more into texting than me infact. So to not get anything, not even a reply is just strange.

Penny Tration

Confused_123 wrote: »

CaraMay - Thanks for your reply. I have tried calling him, but it's going straight to voicemail. Yes - friends think I should just step away from the whole situation. I'm reluctant though because a) it's so out of character for him not to reply, b) the tragedies he has had in recent times which have brought on his depression c) we get on so well & have a great connection. I'm just so confused at the moment.

Boneyarsebogam - Friends think the first incident in the nightclub was a clear sign he was the "jealous" type. I totally understanding his point of view though and agreed with him to a large extent. They also think he can be very "needy".

Jenny - Thanks for your reply. My last exact message to him was Monday saying "Tom, I'm not sure what is going on at the moment, haven't heard from you since Sat. You have me worried all weekend, please just let me know you are OK" - nothing back.

I wouldn't be a big "texter" - he'd be more into texting than me infact. So to not get anything, not even a reply is just strange.

Tbh, I disagree with your friends on the night out situation. My reading of what you said is that you essentially ignored him and didn't let on ye were together, while talking to other lads all night. I'd be very upset if I had to face that.

Has he seen the message saying you're worried? If he's seen it and chosen not to reply, I'd assume it's over.

Confused_123

Yes Jenny - that's the way I read that night now looking back - it was completely unintentional though & I apologised for the whole incident. We have since had many nights out with the same group of people and there have been no issues - he gets on really well with a lot of them.

Yes, he saw that message. So I should take it that I'm now single? Do you think he just suddenly had a change of heart? Things have been better than ever lately that's why I don't understand it. The only reason I could think of for the whole episode was his depression - if he was going through a bad phase.

Tasden

Confused_123 wrote: »

Yes Jenny - that's the way I read that night now looking back - it was completely unintentional though & I apologised for the whole incident. We have since had many nights out with the same group of people and there have been no issues - he gets on really well with a lot of them.

Yes, he saw that message. So I should take it that I'm now single? Do you think he just suddenly had a change of heart? Things have been better than ever lately that's why I don't understand it. The only reason I could think of for the whole episode was his depression - if he was going through a bad phase.

Yeah it could very well be to do with his depression but at the end of the day mental health issues don't give people a free pass to just ignore you like that. Apart from extreme cases like. All he needs to do is send a quick text asking for space.

Confused_123

Tasden - That's all I'm asking for. If he has suddenly had second thoughts about our relationship - obviously I'll be disappointed and upset, but I can deal with that. It's the worrying about him & what is wrong with him that has me annoyed since Saturday. I keep thinking the worst - the only thing giving me a little comfort is that he is "seeing" the messages.

Penny Tration

Confused_123 wrote: »

Tasden - That's all I'm asking for. If he has suddenly had second thoughts about our relationship - obviously I'll be disappointed and upset, but I can deal with that. It's the worrying about him & what is wrong with him that has me annoyed since Saturday. I keep thinking the worst - the only thing giving me a little comfort is that he is "seeing" the messages.

The fact that he's online enough to see them all but not reply would infuriate rather than comfort me in your position. It's showing he HAS time to read them, but just cant be arsed replying.

You don't even know it's because of his depression. Even if it is, it's unfair. I have mental health issues and when I need space, I make sure to tell my boyfriend, not just ignore him!

Sounds to me like you're almost hoping it's his depression so you don't have to face that the relationship seems to be over? Problem there is that even it it is his depression (I doubt it. If he truly wants space he wouldn't be going online), he's STILL treating you badly and you shouldn't just be accepting that.

Would you do it to him? If not, why is it bad for you to do it, but ok for him to do it?

Confused_123

Jenny - I am angry, but just can't help but worry about him at the same time. It the relationship is over, it's over. But he is the most caring genuine person so why he isn't responding at all when it is clear that I am genuinely worried is beyond me.

I realise he is treating me badly - but I just want to help him.

I only see 2 realistic options currently:

1. Calling it quits no & presume I am now single - probably seems like the most rational thing to do when he is making no effort to communicate with me.

2. Or do I trust my gut - sit tight, and believe that his feelings for me didn't suddenly disappear & it is just a bad patch he is going through?

Tasden

Confused_123 wrote: »

Jenny - I am angry, but just can't help but worry about him at the same time. It the relationship is over, it's over. But he is the most caring genuine person so why he isn't responding at all when it is clear that I am genuinely worried is beyond me.

I realise he is treating me badly - but I just want to help him.

I only see 2 realistic options currently:

1. Calling it quits no & presume I am now single - probably seems like the most rational thing to do when he is making no effort to communicate with me.

2. Or do I trust my gut - sit tight, and believe that his feelings for me didn't suddenly disappear & it is just a bad patch he is going through?

Bad patch or not he's being disrespectful and rude. Unless he's having a severe breakdown or something there really is no excuse for just blatantly ignoring you. Hes reading your messages so its doubtful he's in serious distress or whatever.

If it is genuine worry or fear for his safety stick your phone on private and call him. If he answers then you know hes safe.

CaraMay

I think you should just assume the worst and move on. Gut can't be trusted when you want something so badly. I assume he asked you to head home after you had been intimate op and, if so, that's obnoxious.

I don't think it's depression tbh, I think it's over and he hasn't the balls to tell you. I know you had a connection op but you don't really know him after 4 months. I would be slow to accept any excuses from him. If he has time to read then he has time to reply. Chin up and move on op. He's not the man you thought he was.

dellas1979

Confused_123 wrote: »

Jenny - I am angry, but just can't help but worry about him at the same time.

Why would you worry about someone who doesnt give a flying fig? Or want to give you any indication of whats going on?

I wouldnt waste anymore time/energy even thinking if he is "ok" OP - his loss. Do you think he is there worried about loosing you?

Niaveee

Sounds like he's not that bothered with you anymore. The night he asked u to leave had you been intimate or was he hoping you were going to be and weren't, so strange to ask you to stay and then later that night suggest you leave.

The fact he has time to read your messages but not reply says a lot really.

I have feeling he might just have been using you for sex.

Or maybe I'm wrong

strandroad

Confused_123 wrote: »

I only see 2 realistic options currently:

1. Calling it quits no & presume I am now single - probably seems like the most rational thing to do when he is making no effort to communicate with me.

2. Or do I trust my gut - sit tight, and believe that his feelings for me didn't suddenly disappear & it is just a bad patch he is going through?

I'm sorry but either way it's over.
Either he dumped you just because, or he has issues he is clearly not willing to share with you. It is possible to help someone through mental health issues, but not against their will.
Consider yourself single...

Confused_123

Niaveee wrote: »

Sounds like he's not that bothered with you anymore. The night he asked u to leave had you been intimate or was he hoping you were going to be and weren't, so strange to ask you to stay and then later that night suggest you leave.

The fact he has time to read your messages but not reply says a lot really.

I have feeling he might just have been using you for sex.

Or maybe I'm wrong

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I really don't think it was just a sex thing though to be honest. Because it was quite a while until that came around in the relationship and he always stressed that my shyness in that department wasn't an issue. We hadn't done anything that night before I left. He just seemed kind of down that evening - I asked him was everything ok & he said yes, he was just tired.

I'm not stupid - my head is yelling at me to just leave it & move on. But being completely honest I still hope he comes back but I've left the ball firmly in his court.

I just really wish I could get closure on the whole thing - like I would feel guilty about seeing anyone else as things stand because officially I'm still in a relationship with him - or am I?

Confused_123

mhge wrote: »

I'm sorry but either way it's over.
Either he dumped you just because, or he has issues he is clearly not willing to share with you. It is possible to help someone through mental health issues, but not against their will.
Consider yourself single...

Hmmm - going by the majority of the replies, guess I am single!

Thanks for your reply!

LegacyUser

I'm not trying to be funny but he sounds like he is 'ghosting' you, and the only reason I mention it is because it popped up in my newsfeed about some celeb couple that broke up. It basically means the person ends the relationship by giving the other the silent treatment no response to texts or calls.
Op he's not responding to your texts or calls so I wouldn't be waiting around for him if I were you. You seem more emotionally invested in the relationship than him. It seems like he doesn't have the balls to end so he is just ignoring you now which is mean and hurtful. If he really liked you and was interested he wouldn't treat you like this.

njs030

It would be no harm to send one final text to say you're confused about where you stand given his sudden silence and if you don't hear back you'll consider yourself single or words to that effect. At least you know if he reads it and doesn't reply that he had every chance and you won't feel guilty moving on.

dellas1979

Confused_123 wrote: »

I'm still in a relationship with him - or am I?

That is for you to decided - why are you letting him (or people here) decide?

We can only go on what you are telling us.

C'me here - do you really want a guy treating you like this? Youve done nothing wrong and youve done all that you can to see that hes ok. He doesnt value your concern. And if I was you Id figure out why Ive concern for someone who doesnt value me.

Confused_123

dellas1979 wrote: »

That is for you to decided - why are you letting him (or people here) decide?

We can only go on what you are telling us.

C'me here - do you really want a guy treating you like this? Youve done nothing wrong and youve done all that you can to see that hes ok. He doesnt value your concern. And if I was you Id figure out why Ive concern for someone who doesnt value me.

I just feel my judgement is obviously clouded by my feelings for him - an outside perspective was needed on this one.

During out little "speed wobble" after that night out he brought up that sometimes he feels that he is more into the relationship than I am - that I could "get any guy I wanted" and why would I be with him? I was always afraid of letting myself fall completely for someone but in this instance I trusted & liked him so much that I did "take that plunge". Now I feel like he's just opened a trap door from beneath my feet without any signs/warnings.

I know - I've gone out of my way to check out for him. Suppose I've done all I can - just hard to accept such a sudden thing.

Thanks everyone for your inputs.

cazzer22

notjustsweet wrote: »

It would be no harm to send one final text to say you're confused about where you stand given his sudden silence and if you don't hear back you'll consider yourself single or words to that effect. At least you know if he reads it and doesn't reply that he had every chance and you won't feel guilty moving on.

That's exactly what I would do as well, OP. If he doesn't reply to that then you can take it for sure that things are over. I would be very hurt over the silent treatment if I'm perfectly honest. If he valued you at all, he would be upfront about how he's feeling and get back to you. Who does he think he is just ignoring someone who is supposedly his girlfriend and someone he cares about?

Confused_123

Tabs101 wrote: »

I'm not trying to be funny but he sounds like he is 'ghosting' you, and the only reason I mention it is because it popped up in my newsfeed about some celeb couple that broke up. It basically means the person ends the relationship by giving the other the silent treatment no response to texts or calls.
Op he's not responding to your texts or calls so I wouldn't be waiting around for him if I were you. You seem more emotionally invested in the relationship than him. It seems like he doesn't have the balls to end so he is just ignoring you now which is mean and hurtful. If he really liked you and was interested he wouldn't treat you like this.

Just looked up "ghosting" sounds pretty much accurate!! Just soooo bloody out of character for him - the reason I fell for him was because he was so much more mature than guys my own age! Ghosting isn't the mature thing to do!!

Confused_123

cazzer22 wrote: »

That's exactly what I would do as well, OP. If he doesn't reply to that then you can take it for sure that things are over. I would be very hurt over the silent treatment if I'm perfectly honest. If he valued you at all, he would be upfront about how he's feeling and get back to you. Who does he think he is just ignoring someone who is supposedly his girlfriend and someone he cares about?

Yes I suppose - I was thinking either a final text , or would going to his house be a bad option? He has his own place obviously and at least I'd be guaranteed some kind of explanation?

ABajaninCork

Confused_123 wrote: »

Yes I suppose - I was thinking either a final text , or would going to his house be a bad option? He has his own place obviously and at least I'd be guaranteed some kind of explanation?

No, it wouldn't!! Going round to his house is a VERY bad idea. What's the betting he'll either ignore your knock or worse still open the door and slam it back in your face? And NO - don't text him either!!

It's plain to see it's over. Whether you want to acknowledge or not. Put your pride back in your pocket, fix a smile on your face and step forward into the rest of your life. You'll find someone else - Plenty more where he came from!

Hope it works out for you.

cazzer22

Confused_123 wrote: »

Yes I suppose - I was thinking either a final text , or would going to his house be a bad option? He has his own place obviously and at least I'd be guaranteed some kind of explanation?

If it was me I definitely wouldn't. Just send a text/call. Calling to his house is a bit much I think and he doesn't deserve an ounce of your time if he's going to treat you like this.

LegacyUser

Op I think you have done your fair share here, you have every right to be upset because it's not a nice way for things to end or be treated. No point in sending him anymore texts as you have sent him enough already and he's ignored you. Cut all contact, delete his number and if he does come crawling back with all apologies I'd be slightly wary if I were you.

ABajaninCork

And yes - he's ghosted you!

dellas1979

Confused_123 wrote: »

Yes I suppose - I was thinking either a final text , or would going to his house be a bad option? He has his own place obviously and at least I'd be guaranteed some kind of explanation?

I understand you are hurt - we all would be. But I really dont think you need to do anymore action. You made it very clear already you are/were interested in what happened.

If this "final text" business jolts him into a reaction, is his behaviour going to be the same? Being realistic, probably. Everytime he goes radio silent, are you going to chase him?

Merkin

I think he is behaving like a prize sh!t and you can't just take a consensus on PI to decide whether your relationship is over or not. Phone him and leave a voicemail or send one final text just saying that you assume it is now over given he hasn't had the courtesy to actually get in touch and then delete and block him. If he is keen to make HUGE reparations then let him come looking for you but to my mind he has behaved badly and I'd just cut him loose for being a flake. You've done nothing wrong.

Confused_123

Thanks Cazzer22 & ABajaninCork!

It'll be a long long while until I trust anyone in that way again.

Onwards & upwards!

CaraMay

Don't let it pit you off. You were just unlucky and it's happened to most people.

Taboola

I wouldn't even bother with another text or call.

He's an ar$ehole with no balls.

ihavenoname3

would you not call around to his place to get some answers from him? that is what I would do.

its alright ignoring someone you have just met once on a night out, but not someone you are having a relationship with. A former friend of mine used to ignore his girlfriend of 3 years, calls and texts whenever he felt like it, sometimes for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, then if he called her once and she didn't answer he would be wondering "what her problem was"?

he was basically playing mind games with her and treating her like $hit, I told him to stop it but he wouldn't listen, it took her a while but eventually she figured out he wasn't a very nice person and left him.

I think you should do the same, he is either playing games with you or has lost interest.

unreg999

Jesus OP you poor thing, my heart is breaking for you, I'd be up the walls in your place and yes I'd be really worried too!

I'm not going to go into details but something slightly similar happened to me once years ago & eventually I emailed a mutual(ish) friend just to find out if that person was still alive & OK... Even though they had treated me terribly I still wanted to just make sure they were OK before I could close the door completely & move on.

In my book suddenly ignoring someone is one of the worst things you can do to that person especially if there has been a lot of contact previously

I'm not being funny but is there ANY possibility that someone else may be involved like another girl or ex.? I don't want to give you more pain but in my experience when something like this happens that's often the reason... Did he perhaps get a message that last evening for him 'suddenly' to change his mind like that??

You may never know... What an awful situation to be in... I would probably do what someone else said, ring him with your number blanked out or from another number, he may have blocked your number which is why it's going straight to voicemail?

The only POSSIBLE reason I would see for him to do that would be if there was someone else & he just didn't want to have to deal with you or any 'drama' that dealing with you might involve in front of her so takes the cowards way out... What a sh1thead... Whatever the scenario!!

I presume when you say he has 'seen' the messages we are talking Viber... If so I don't think you can say for certain he has read them... He may just have clicked on the notification but not actually read the message...

Either way, don't sit around waiting for HIM to let YOU know if you are in a relationship or not, if I were to send that final message it would be along the lines of ' you may think you have a good reason for totally ignoring me & cutting me out, but there is no excuse, consider yourself dumped, I don't have time for head games'

To be honest I really can't think of any good enough reason, even worst case scenario someone has died or he's had a breakdown... A 3 word text or message can let you know that.

Keep your head held high OP, plenty of good guys out there & you're only just starting out, chalk it down to experience, sometimes we just never get answers from other people & have to move on for our own sanity xxx

njs030

I was thinking about this thread, I know I said to text/call him one last time BUT on reflection I agree with the poster who said (more or less) that if you do that it will keep happening and you'll get sucked into a spiral.

Honestly I think YOU should make the decision that it's over. Just forget about contacting him, he doesn't deserve another minute of your time. If and when he comes crawling back looking for your attention you can make it clear you're worth more.

Someone who cares about you wouldnt dream of treating you that way- be single and have a chance to meet him instead!!

shmalentine

I know a lot of people here are recommending you just forget about him as he is blatantly ignoring you but I think its completely reasonable that you want some closure on the whole situation/breakup. What went wrong and Why it went wrong etc.

I'm not suggesting you go over to his house but maybe you could message a to close friend of his and find out if he's been shutting everybody out or if its just you. Maybe just a casual message to a sibling on social media or someone that would be close to him who would see him regularly.
It doesn't have to be a long winded message or an interrogation, maybe just ask if they think all is alright with him. If they tell you they've been speaking to him recently and everything seems peachy on his end then I suppose it would be safe to assume he just took the cowards way out with regards to your relationship.

I mean you clearly care about him and his mental well being and you cant just turn that off. Closure is important, its for your own peace of mind to have an answer or something close to an answer to simple questions.

Sorry you're going through this in the first place OP, my ex was someone who would shut himself off as a means of coping with stress. Its frustrating and upsetting so it is best to just move on, you deserve to be happy just as much as he does.

Confused_123

ihavenoname3 wrote: »

would you not call around to his place to get some answers from him? that is what I would do.

its alright ignoring someone you have just met once on a night out, but not someone you are having a relationship with. A former friend of mine used to ignore his girlfriend of 3 years, calls and texts whenever he felt like it, sometimes for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, then if he called her once and she didn't answer he would be wondering "what her problem was"?

he was basically playing mind games with her and treating her like $hit, I told him to stop it but he wouldn't listen, it took her a while but eventually she figured out he wasn't a very nice person and left him.

I think you should do the same, he is either playing games with you or has lost interest.

Yes I could totally understand if it was just a small fling with no commitment & he decided it wasn't for him - fair enough. But the fact that we've been together for 4 months exclusively as a couple and HE was the one that urged me to make things exclusive, always saying that there were no other girls on his side of things. I do believe him on that issue. We've both met each others families & friends - which I think makes the current situation more difficult to understand. He always stressed to that he wasn't into games & just wanted me to be straight with him - if I didn't have strong feelings for him, not to string him along. I would NEVER do that to someone.

I might just send his brother a message, asking has he been speaking to Tom over the last few days. Although I'm sure he has, otherwise his brother would have made contact with me. But at least it will confirm it for sure - I can't do anymore than that.

Penny Tration

Tbh, if I were deliberately ignoring someone and they texted a family member of mine to check in on me, I'd instantly think they're being creepy.

He's clearly fine since he's repeatedly been online. That kind of removes the possibility of him being so depressed that he's ignoring everything and everyone.

If you REALLY want closure (though i think him ignoring you is all the closure you need!), text him one last time and tell him you're going to assume it's over.

He'll either continue to ignore you, or come back with excuses. And if he comes back with excuses, don't be silly and just accept them. Ask for an explanation as to why he had time to read your messages, knew you were upset and worried, and CHOSE to ignore them.

Tilly

Please dont contact his brother or family. You will make everything worse for yourself.

FURET

I understand the need for closure, but just drop it. There are plenty of other guys out there. It's very easy to become fixated on one individual, but you really shouldn't so early in a relationship.

And I would also say that if he does have mental health problems, it's probably good that it didn't work out. This is a new relationship, so everything about it at this stage is a choice for you. So why choose a hassle-laden relationship when you don't have to? I mean, after a few months would you choose to pursue a relationship with an alcoholic? Or a gambler? This is too much hassle to willingly take on take on so early. Life is difficult enough without needlessly and knowingly burdening yourself. Dodged a bullet I'd say.

Confused_123

Thanks everyone for your responses. Certainly don't want to come across as "creepy" - I get on very well with his brother, so don't think it would come across that way. Anyway I've decided I'm not going to text/call him again - finished with it from my side. I'll have to re-evaluate if he does eventually come back in contact.

Confused-123

ihavenoname3

Confused_123 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your responses. Certainly don't want to come across as "creepy" - I get on very well with his brother, so don't think it would come across that way. Anyway I've decided I'm not going to text/call him again - finished with it from my side. I'll have to re-evaluate if he does eventually come back in contact.

Confused-123

If you want answers as to why he has cut contact, you will have to go over to his place and ask him face to face, its too easy for him to text you as to why, so face to face is the best way.

if you don't hear from him and say 3 weeks later he gets bored and contacts you, ignore him, because if you let him back into your life I will guarantee you he will do it again to you.

berrygood

Confused_123 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your responses. Certainly don't want to come across as "creepy" - I get on very well with his brother, so don't think it would come across that way. Anyway I've decided I'm not going to text/call him again - finished with it from my side. I'll have to re-evaluate if he does eventually come back in contact.

Confused-123

I think this is the best course of action. His blanking you like that is rotten behaviour. If he does get in touch again, be very slow to get back into something with him.

Best of luck, OP. It'll be tough for a while but you'll come out the other side. Turn that care and concern for him towards yourself instead.

MagicMarker

First of all, it would NOT be creepy of you to contact his brother, especially if you know him already. It's not like you've only been on a couple of dates together. It's a 4 month RELATIONSHIP. If I was seeing someone for 4 months and then they all of a sudden dropped off the face of the Earth, I would have no qualms about texting someone close to them to see if everything is all right.

However, in this case, I don't think it's necessary. I think the guy is just being an asshole. Move on and forget about him.

shmalentine

FURET wrote: »

I understand the need for closure, but just drop it. There are plenty of other guys out there. It's very easy to become fixated on one individual, but you really shouldn't so early in a relationship.

And I would also say that if he does have mental health problems, it's probably good that it didn't work out. This is a new relationship, so everything about it at this stage is a choice for you. So why choose a hassle-laden relationship when you don't have to? I mean, after a few months would you choose to pursue a relationship with an alcoholic? Or a gambler? This is too much hassle to willingly take on take on so early. Life is difficult enough without needlessly and knowingly burdening yourself. Dodged a bullet I'd say.

Just because someone has depression, does not make them a burden or a hassle. I'm sure everyone here has at least one person in their close group of friends/family that suffer from depression and if given the choice I'm sure they wouldn't cut that person out of their lives just because they have depression.



Having depression does not have to define the relationship or the person who suffers from it.

nozipcode

FURET wrote: »

I understand the need for closure, but just drop it. There are plenty of other guys out there. It's very easy to become fixated on one individual, but you really shouldn't so early in a relationship.

And I would also say that if he does have mental health problems, it's probably good that it didn't work out. This is a new relationship, so everything about it at this stage is a choice for you. So why choose a hassle-laden relationship when you don't have to? I mean, after a few months would you choose to pursue a relationship with an alcoholic? Or a gambler? This is too much hassle to willingly take on take on so early. Life is difficult enough without needlessly and knowingly burdening yourself. Dodged a bullet I'd say.

Yes, people with depression aren't worth the hassle.:eek:

:mad:

CaraMay

nozipcode wrote: »

Yes, people with depression aren't worth the hassle.:eek:

:mad:

They aren't saying that. This guy isn't worth the hassle. Whatever the reason, he's with the girl 4 months and has disappeared for 6 days now. If that's due to depression then he is clearly not in a good place to be starting a relationship. Do you seriously think this girl should stick in there and ignore his behavior just because he has depression (if he does)?

nozipcode

CaraMay wrote: »

They aren't saying that. This guy isn't worth the hassle. Whatever the reason, he's with the girl 4 months and has disappeared for 6 days now. If that's due to depression then he is clearly not in a good place to be starting a relationship. Do you seriously think this girl should stick in there and ignore his behavior just because he has depression (if he does)?

Who are 'they'? I was responding to FERET's post where he likened going with someone with depression to being in a relationship with a gambler or an alcoholic, a "hassle laden relationship".

I am not advocating his behaviour. I agree, she should probably get away from this guy, but not because he has depression, but because he is being a complete asshole to her. Depression is not an excuse for this.

Rekop dog

4 months is too short a time knowing someone to use phrases like "out of character" imo, you don't really know someone after that short a spell to make such an assessment, especially as people can alter their character early in relationships to try impress the other. You're too invested in this for what's only been a brief time knowing him.