Male friends?

Something I've wondered about is that it can be quite difficult to get male friends, because I always wondered whether approaching people as such would be considered as weird and uncomfortable. Where do people meet other male friends?

lazybones32

Public toilets?


Better add more to escape moderation...

Pubs, work, sports, library, men's sheds.
I've made lots of casual acquaintances through work and I end up meeting them in the pub and having the chat, etc. Same with sports - either participating or spectating.

Tony Beetroot

The local mart would be a good place to meet males.

And this is the issue. You say that you want to have more male friends and yet when you bring it up, you're met with sexual jokes. Unless you mean something else by the public toilet comment. I'm operating on very little sleep.

*sigh* as if there is something wrong with wanting more friends that are men.

eternal

[Deleted User] wrote: »

And this is the issue. You say that you want to have more male friends and yet when you bring it up, you're met with sexual jokes.

*sigh* as if there is something wrong with wanting more friends that are men.

Why don't you go places where you would find people with your interests? Do you like fishing, cars, live music, cinema or food? How about a book club or Meet.com have cinema nights although I've never been to one. There's groups too for stuff like meditation (don't laugh) and similar.

lazybones32

Deleted User wrote: »

And this is the issue. You say that you want to have more male friends and yet when you bring it up, you're met with sexual jokes. Unless you mean something else by the public toilet comment. I'm operating on very little sleep.

*sigh* as if there is something wrong with wanting more friends that are men.

I guess you missed the 5 other options I gave? Your sensitivity is somewhat baffling in light of your own posting habits.

eternal

lazybones32 wrote: »

I guess you missed the 5 other options I gave? Your sensitivity is somewhat baffling in light of your own posting habits.

That post was edited I believe or my eyes are deceiving me.

lazybones32

eternal wrote: »

That post was edited I believe or my eyes are deceiving me.

Check the time it was posted and at what time it was edited...what's the time difference and the length of time between editing and response by OP.

eternal

lazybones32 wrote: »

Check the time it was posted and at what time it was edited...what's the time difference and the length of time between editing and response by OP.

I'm on my phone. Anyway forget about it. Sport is a major hobby alright. I love soccer and it really brings all types of people together. Can't understand people who don't like music or sport.

aaakev

I have 3 hobbies, Shooting /hunting, Gym & Motorbikes. Iv met many good friends through each of these things. Do you have any hobbies?

SpaceTime

[Deleted User] wrote: »

And this is the issue. You say that you want to have more male friends and yet when you bring it up, you're met with sexual jokes. Unless you mean something else by the public toilet comment. I'm operating on very little sleep.

*sigh* as if there is something wrong with wanting more friends that are men.

This is where homophobia actually hits *all* men by putting up a huge barrier to making non-sexual connections! It's a much broader issue than just one that impacts gay people when you look at it in perspective.

Women can have extremely close female friendships without feeling any need to shag them them! Guys have done the same for millennia until someone decided to make a massive deal about homosexuality during the puritanical era.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, but it's been used as a stick to taunt, abuse, oppress, arrest and at the very least socially exclude people which has had a lasting damage for men in particular as there's still a fear someone might suddenly "seem gay"

I'm actually pretty sure that it's distorted some men's ability to actually make close friends and communicate and may well be a large factor in depression and suicide rates.

I'm seriously hoping the more being gay becomes fully socially acceptable the more straight guys will have less hang ups about having a best mate / best mates.

I don't know if any of you saw Panti's speech, but she talked about "checking yourself" constantly to make sure you didn't seem gay. While this may be a lot of of an issue if you're a drag queen than for your average guy, it's still something I think everyone does way too much of whether they're straight or gay.

The Victorians did some nice pieces of engineering but they've a hell of a lot to answer for in terms of social damage through paranoia about sex!

...

In terms of meeting guys to hang out with definitely look at organised things. It's hard enough to break into a conversation by going to the pub on your own.

Just try joining everything, even if it's not something you've a huge interest in you'll meet people.

Check out community events like festivals you could maybe volunteer at, check groups on Meetup.com there's actually loads of IT and tech stuff in there where people meet up for a bit of a chat, join business networks and go to stuff.

You'll also find things like hillwalking, photography, hiking, you name it ... (More so in bigger cities but you'll find some)

Maybe join a community group ? Lots of places have things like festival committees, community theatre, radio, you name it...

If you're in university : clubs and socs!

If you're into sports : join some clubs.

Just get chatting and also maybe arrange something like a night out. If you suggest pints or something for a group more people tend to turn up.

You'd be supprised at who you'd meet up with and you'll meet people often outside your own sphere a bit too which can be very good for expanding your circle.

At the end of the day we're social animals - it's just about finding the right context to socialise.

Find a common interest and context and move from there.

Pawwed Rig

lazybones32 wrote: »

I guess you missed the 5 other options I gave? Your sensitivity is somewhat baffling in light of your own posting habits.

Mod note Post 6 of a thread and you're already arguing. Pull your horns in a bit. Your public toilet comment is not welcome either

eviltwin

I found myself with a bit of a friend drought in my late 20's, just a combination of people having less time, busy lives, moving abroad and so on. I've personally never found things like clubs and night classes great for making friends - it can be hard to move from casual aquaintence to friend when that's not people's primary reason for being there and I would be quite shy which doesn't help. Meetup was great because there are groups there for people who are actually looking to make new friends.

SpaceTime

I'd agree with that - classes can be totally focused on the subject and every one gets packed up and goes home. Even in university I made most of my friends working on clubs / socs projects and in the campus media outlets.

Sports can be very much about performance too and not really about socialising. Depends on the people but sometimes there's really no context for chat you're all just playing a match or attempting to achieve some objective and that's it. Everyone goes their seperate ways.

Very much dependent on the culture at the club but it can be like that.

Actually have very few friends from the classes and tons of life long mates from the clubs/socs. but not the sports ones.

I actually found most of my university class colleagues very competitive. There wasn't always a great sense of cooperation and friendliness.

It's been where I've been working together on something fun usually.

I went to a few Tweetups in the early days of Twitter too and made some very good mates.

You need to have the right context and the right bunch of people really.

To be perfectly honest, pick things out that people do for leisure not for hardcore sports achievement or career progression purposes. That's where you'll met people in friend making mode.

_Kaiser_

I would say I have a handful of "real" male friends.. friendships that have survived through the "Good Times" when everyone moved out of Dublin to buy that Semi-D, job changes (always tend to shed people during those), and relationships/kids (which usually plays havoc with social lives).

Sure we may only communicate by email or IM a lot of the time, and getting people together is tough, but it works Alongside that I'd have "work friends" and a very active 3 year old to fill in the gaps and when I DO have some time to myself I find I actually enjoy just sitting around on my own doing nothing.. like today for example

Rock 1234

Deleted User wrote: »

Something I've wondered about is that it can be quite difficult to get male friends, because I always wondered whether approaching people as such would be considered as weird and uncomfortable. Where do people meet other male friends?

Join a football team, or a supporters club,
Join a golf club or play pitch and put,
Join a cycling club or a walking club,
Join a angling club,

SpaceTime

If you're not into sports : tons and tons of other stuff to join or volunteer at!

Check festivals, check volunteering Ireland website etc

lizzyman

eternal wrote: »

Why don't you go places where you would find people with your interests? Do you like fishing, cars, live music, cinema or food? How about a book club or Meet.com have cinema nights although I've never been to one. There's groups too for stuff like meditation (don't laugh) and similar.

Going to a meetup cinema night on Tuesday. Will report back

SpaceTime

SpaceTime wrote: »

This is where homophobia actually hits *all* men by putting up a huge barrier to making non-sexual connections! It's a much broader issue than just one that impacts gay people when you look at it in perspective.

Women can have extremely close female friendships without feeling any need to shag them them! Guys have done the same for millennia until someone decided to make a massive deal about homosexuality during the puritanical era.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, but it's been used as a stick to taunt, abuse, oppress, arrest and at the very least socially exclude people which has had a lasting damage for men in particular as there's still a fear someone might suddenly "seem gay"

I'm actually pretty sure that it's distorted some men's ability to actually make close friends and communicate and may well be a large factor in depression and suicide rates.

I'm seriously hoping the more being gay becomes fully socially acceptable the more straight guys will have less hang ups about having a best mate / best mates.

I don't know if any of you saw Panti's speech, but she talked about "checking yourself" constantly to make sure you didn't seem gay. While this may be a lot of of an issue if you're a drag queen than for your average guy, it's still something I think everyone does way too much of whether they're straight or gay.

The Victorians did some nice pieces of engineering but they've a hell of a lot to answer for in terms of social damage through paranoia about sex!

This, times a billion. It's actually a huge issue, I believe. That because a guy wants to meet others for friends, there are unfortunate and negative undertones associated with it. I'm absolutely straight and I don't see any issue with getting to know other men. There's been many times where you can recognize someone would be a good friend and think, "they'd be a tonne of fun", yet because of the undertones, you can't necessarily approach them with it.

lizzyman wrote: »

Going to a meetup cinema night on Tuesday. Will report back

Please report back! I've always been thinking about going to one, so would love to know what they're actually like. Especially for a newbie interacting with people who would have been in the group for a long time.

aaakev

Deleted User wrote: »

This, times a billion. It's actually a huge issue, I believe. That because a guy wants to meet others for friends, there are unfortunate and negative undertones associated with it. I'm absolutely straight and I don't see any issue with getting to know other men. There's been many times where you can recognize someone would be a good friend and think, "they'd be a tonne of fun", yet because of the undertones, you can't necessarily approach them with it.

Seriously do lads really think like this?? I certainly dont. Id think nothing of inviting someone out if we shared a hobby or if they showed an interest in a hobby of mine, in fact this has happened a number of times! I also would think anything of being asked

aaakev

aaakev wrote: »

Seriously do lads really think like this?? I certainly dont. Id think nothing of inviting someone out if we shared a hobby or if they showed an interest in a hobby of mine, in fact this has happened a number of times! I also would think anything of being asked

Where did these happen? I'm just curious, as I'd love to try and do the same.

aaakev

Deleted User wrote: »

Where did these happen? I'm just curious, as I'd love to try and do the same.

A number of times iv met people be it through work or the gym or whatever and through talking shooting came up. Iv invited and brought lads out who had never done it but were keen to try it and iv also been invited by lads who are into it to spots id never been. I met a lad at a wedding last year and we've been out hunting maybe 5 or 6 times since.

I sold a van to a guy Recently who lives not too far from me and it turns out he is into dirt biking, i happened to have my bike in my van at the time and showed him, got a call the following weekend off him saying himself and a few lads were going out for a spin in the mountains on Sunday morning and asked would i like to go. Sure enough i met a group of lads id never met before and spent the morning biking with them and will probably meet them again during the week.

Iv never found it strange meeting new friends, my hobbies wouldn't be hugely popular like say football where its in a club setting so putting yourself out there and not feeling weird about it is the best way to meet new people

eviltwin

aaakev wrote: »

A number of times iv met people be it through work or the gym or whatever and through talking shooting came up. Iv invited and brought lads out who had never done it but were keen to try it and iv also been invited by lads who are into it to spots id never been. I met a lad at a wedding last year and we've been out hunting maybe 5 or 6 times since.

I sold a van to a guy Recently who lives not too far from me and it turns out he is into dirt biking, i happened to have my bike in my van at the time and showed him, got a call the following weekend off him saying himself and a few lads were going out for a spin in the mountains on Sunday morning and asked would i like to go. Sure enough i met a group of lads id never met before and spent the morning biking with them and will probably meet them again during the week.

Iv never found it strange meeting new friends, my hobbies wouldn't be hugely popular like say football where its in a club setting so putting yourself out there and not feeling weird about it is the best way to meet new people

Are you a particulary outgoing person? I know some people who are great at making connections like that. If I did it I would just come across as weird and creepy

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

Are you a particulary outgoing person? I know some people who are great at making connections like that. If I did it I would just come across as weird and creepy

I hear ya, brother, I hear ya :pac:

SpaceTime

I'd actually add I've female friends who are friends and nothing else too.

Some people simply have way, way, way too many hang ups.

SpaceTime

SpaceTime wrote: »

I'd actually add I've female friends who are friends and nothing else too.

Some people simply have way, way, way too many hang ups.

Same. Some of my best friends are female, but it just feels like it's easier to approach females as friends, because there's no hang ups associated with it, if you get me?

aaakev

eviltwin wrote: »

Are you a particulary outgoing person? I know some people who are great at making connections like that. If I did it I would just come across as weird and creepy

I always have been! Worked since i was 14 in pubs all throughout school so communicating with people has never been a big deal and kind of fell into sales when i left school and been doing it oretty much the last 12 years so i build relationships on a daily basis, guess its just natural to me.

Id be a firm believer in using hobbies to meet people who are into the same thing as you. If your into football join a team, its a great way to meet other lads. Someone suggested a mens shed, those things look great! Its like a club for men to do men things that could be building or fixing up cars or whatever.

Pick any hobbie and there is probably a forum on boards for it, thats another great way to meet people. Iv met loads of lads from the shooting forum over the years who are now friends of mine and when i was driving road bikes i met lads from the motorbike forum for sunday spins.

What are you lads into? Any hobbies at all? What do you do in your spare time?

SpaceTime

Honestly lads:

You should all just ring up a mate and take him out for dinner, go for a few pints and realise there's nothing to be hung up about!

It's an important life skill.

I grew up in a slightly different environment (not in Ireland) so that wasn't really something 'unusual' to do.

I actually found US guys *extremely* hung up on this issue, way more so than Irish or British guys.

SpaceTime

SpaceTime wrote: »

Honestly lads:

You should all just ring up a mate and take him out for dinner, go for a few pints and realise there's nothing to be hung up about!

That's not the issue as such. I have some male friends who I'd have no qualms about going on man dates with, but it's hoping to meet some more, when those friends have moved on or drifted apart for various reasons.

SpaceTime

[Deleted User] wrote: »

That's not the issue as such. I have some male friends who I'd have no qualms about going on man dates with, but it's hoping to meet some more, when those friends have moved on or drifted apart for various reasons.

Just keep doing more social things that get you our meeting new people - it's really the only way!

Meetup.com is really good for that or even if you move cities.

aaakev

Do you have any hobbies op?

John_Rambo

My wife is jealous of the fact that I can meet any one of my male friends on any night with a simple text. Some are old friends, some are new friends made from sports or pastimes.

Easy for me to say, growing up in Dublin and living (close) to the area I grew up in... In saying that... (such an Irish saying). I have made a lot of friends in the last ten years through newly found activities and neighbours (I live in a close knit community) and from having kids.

Through an extreme sport I'm socialising with a whole new set of men. Polish, Latvian, Lithuanian, French, Italian, gay, straight... it's all in the mix. Bin truck drivers and surgeons. There's a good few like minded girls in the mix too. Most of whom would have no problem meeting up for a pint or food. I've even done road trips with them.

Consider getting involved in something Bonearsebogman, doesn't matter if you're good at it, as long as you enjoy it!

Fat Christy

Hobbies, definitely, hobbies. I got a bit down in the dumps last year as most of my friends from school and college were busy and couldn't meet up as often. I really wanted to make new friends and do things that I liked doing. I always wanted to get into hiking but I spent half my time waiting for people to do it with me. In the end, I got sick of waiting and joined a hiking group on meetup. I also started playing badminton. I ended up switching gyms as well. I used to be in Ben Dunnes but ended up moving to a small strength and conditioning gym. I'm so glad I decided to take the plunge. I ended up meeting some incredible people.

I'm offside at the moment with a knee injury. So I recently joined a swimming group and a theatre group. I can't really do too much exercise besides swim and gym while my knee is out of play. I hope my knee is better by September for Badminton. I'm gutted I'm not playing.

I think as you get older, you definitely need interests and hobbies to make new friends. Good luck in your quest to find new male friends OP.

Mister Vain

SpaceTime wrote: »

I actually found US guys *extremely* hung up on this issue, way more so than Irish or British guys.

I found the opposite tbh. When I was in the states, guys would introduce themselves to me in bars and start chatting. If you did that here people would think you're a quaaaar.

SpaceTime

Mister Vain wrote: »

I found the opposite tbh. When I was in the states, guys would introduce themselves to me in bars and start chatting. If you did that here people would think you're a quaaaar.

I worked with a guy in Boston who would actually freak our trying to find a 3rd guy so that he wasn't seen eatinh with another guy on his own!!!

Mind boggling !

DoYouEvenLift

SpaceTime wrote: »

I worked with a guy in Boston who would actually freak our trying to find a 3rd guy so that he wasn't seen eatinh with another guy on his own!!!

Mind boggling !

Lmao.

I remember being in a bar restaurant with three friends (all men) and basically everyone else in there were couples so one of them was talking and conscious about how he thought it probably looked like we were on a double date so the rest of us started ordering the most flamboyant cocktails we could


I don't know why so many people take themselves so seriously and worry about stuff like this, it's hilarious but pitiful at the same time

John_Rambo wrote: »

My wife is jealous of the fact that I can meet any one of my male friends on any night with a simple text. Some are old friends, some are new friends made from sports or pastimes.

Easy for me to say, growing up in Dublin and living (close) to the area I grew up in... In saying that... (such an Irish saying). I have made a lot of friends in the last ten years through newly found activities and neighbours (I live in a close knit community) and from having kids.

Through an extreme sport I'm socialising with a whole new set of men. Polish, Latvian, Lithuanian, French, Italian, gay, straight... it's all in the mix. Bin truck drivers and surgeons. There's a good few like minded girls in the mix too. Most of whom would have no problem meeting up for a pint or food. I've even done road trips with them.

Consider getting involved in something Bonearsebogman, doesn't matter if you're good at it, as long as you enjoy it!

What's the sport?

ongarboy

Mister Vain wrote: »

I found the opposite tbh. When I was in the states, guys would introduce themselves to me in bars and start chatting. If you did that here people would think you're a quaaaar.

Yes, I found that too when in the US. It's a cultural difference. While the Yanks are better for breaking the ice and being more upfront initially, it doesn't necessarily lead to better or more solid friendship forming. I think the Irish are more reserved with strangers but once we get past that initial hurdle when meeting someone new, I believe it leads to more rewarding long term friendships.

OP - I second all the advice given about getting out there and joining clubs/activities/sports/volunteer groups etc but ensure you do it to get the most out of those activities/hobbies and let any friends you may make out of it be a bonus rather than the primary focus of why you are participating. Otherwise, I think one can get overly hung up on that motive and which can work to their detriment.

Hanging out with initial strangers during a hill walk, five a side or tidy town event should be about letting the conversation flow naturally and gradually as you get to know new people and at which point by the end of an encounter, it is the most natural thing in the world to suggest a coffee, pint or other activity....because it seems right or that there is no big deal if it doesn't happen. Throwing it in when it's not natural or the appropriate time will otherwise come across as misplaced, odd or needy...all of which can generate subconscious or otherwise red flags for the other person if they are not on the same page as you when you make the suggestion.

This is why I wonder about the likes of meetup.com where there is a concerted effort to make new friends at such events but personally, I wonder is there an element of speed dating at those events in where you are all sharing your "personality CVs" in the hope of making friends. Is that how genuine friendships are formed organically and naturally in the real world? I look at the friends I have and don't believe it entered my head the first time I met any of them was "hmm I wonder can he or she be my friend...what should I do or say to get closer to them....?? It just happened gradually and without awareness. By all means get out there and participate in people events but let it flow and gel naturally from therein.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Something I've wondered about is that it can be quite difficult to get male friends, because I always wondered whether approaching people as such would be considered as weird and uncomfortable. Where do people meet other male friends?

I think one of the best decisions in my life I ever made for meeting girls - making friends - or finding connections - was to simply stop trying.

I learned that relationships with other people was not a target or destination on lifes path - but events that happen along that road. I shifted focus from trying to make friends or meet girls - to walking my own path and letting friendships and relationships happen themselves along the way.

So my advice in the light of that would be if you want to make male friends - stop trying - but instead explore and expand your own life - potentials - goals - and interests - especially social and public aspects of those things and you will wake up one morning and find that friendships and relationships all sorted themselves out along the way without you really having to try.

jimgoose

My best friend died last year. It sucks unbelievably. We met about 12 years ago, and fcuked each other out of it. Then we lent each other tools, cars, houses, money, whatever. Mano-a-Mano.

elprincipito

Americans are definitely less reserved than the Irish and I think they are happy to just have banter for the night or a couple of weeks with some new mates and then just leave it at that. In Ireland there is probably a much longer process where someone is initiated into a group and like has been said will probably lead to a longer term friendship. Just generalizations and depends on where in America

danube

When your a child making friends just happens. But as an adult its a lot harder. I have just left college now and I am trying to find new interests. But the thing is that there is very few clubs where I live.

kupus

jimgoose wrote: »

My best friend died last year. It sucks unbelievably. We met about 12 years ago, and fcuked each other out of it. Then we lent each other tools, cars, houses, money, whatever. Mano-a-Mano.

I hear ya, one of mine died last year, f88king cancer. Three weeks from getting the stomach pains which came on quick, to death. He was a guy been through a war, travelled the world as a chief engineer on shipping lines, opened a business, lost it to an ex wife, We had a lot of common interest and business overlaps that people around me cannot comprehend never mind even talk about with them.
Didn't even get my bike belt back from the f88ker

jimgoose

kupus wrote: »

I hear ya, one of mine died last year, f88king cancer. Three weeks from getting the stomach pains which came on quick, to death. He was a guy been through a war, travelled the world as a chief engineer on shipping lines, opened a business, lost it to an ex wife, We had a lot of common interest and business overlaps that people around me cannot comprehend never mind even talk about with them.
Didn't even get my bike belt back from the f88ker

Yeah. I miss him. Mrs. Goose often said, "You know, sometimes I wish you might one day love me like you love that fat bastard!". And there isn't an ounce of homosexuality in it!

fancy pigeon

As a child, I met my best friend through karate classes (remember those!) and 16 years later we are in regular contact. I regard him as he brother I never had

These days, I have made several friends through no other than boards some of which I regard as close friends and have helped make life changing decisions.

I am very comfortable in my sexuality and we are not afraid to confide within our deepest issues, the way friendships should be

24 Hours From Tulsa

I have no male mates, only drinking buddies

ongarboy

24 Hours From Tulsa wrote: »

I have no male mates, only drinking buddies

I sometimes wonder about a few of my mates whether we'd have any real or effortless friendship outside the pub...nothing against these guys...we have great craic when we're out etc but it would just seem odd to socialise anywhere but a pub, club or some alcohol fueled event (concert/wedding/match). It seems the only communication we have outside these places is texts to organise pints! Going for a hill walk, coffee, meal (apart from end of pub chipper which we do a lot..!!) or even cinema would just seem unusual...almost amusing thinking about it! . I certainly have other friends that I can do the other things with but just when above poster said about just having drinking buddies, I thought some of my friends definitely fall into that category.

Is this scenario more common than I think?

Jhcx

It's quiet hard to make male friends. Most I find around my age are settled with the ones they have or the ones you make only seem to last a few weeks. I often wonder if its my personality but there's not a lot to me besides just talking and random drives ha Ha

Ebonics

I think the older you get, the concept of friends you can hang out with becomes more and more alien.

As was mentioned, you're not gonna head to each others houses to play video games, and lets be honest, most adult social activities in this country involve booze (going to music concerts/festivals/football games/sporting events)

JuliusCaesar

Deleted User wrote: »

Please report back! I've always been thinking about going to one, so would love to know what they're actually like. Especially for a newbie interacting with people who would have been in the group for a long time.

Most meetups will have a small core of regulars and a wider population of floaters. I go hill-walking with different groups, depending on which group is going where, and whether time, day, and place suit me - I'm a floater. So there are many people who do the same, and people who go to one group only, as well. So it's not like there's an 'in-group' who are hostile to outsiders.

The more you go, the more often you recognise people - well the leaders at least. But because most people are in the same boat, they are all very friendly. All you have to do is find the leader and they'll generally introduce you to others.

Same with any of the other kind of meet up groups I've met up with.