Emigration and priorities from a female perspective

Shelga

Hello ladies! Thought of posting this in PI but it'd be interesting to hear if other women are experiencing similar right now.

Been living in England for 4 years now (I'm 28) and feel myself nearing a point where I'd like to make a firm decision about moving home. Do you find, as a woman, that you feel more drawn to coming home as you get that little bit older? I'm guessing there must be a lot of people in the same boat, who emigrated from around 2008-2012.

When I was younger I envisioned myself living in loads of exotic countries, packing up and setting off again when I got a bit bored. In reality I've never lived further than England, although have managed to travel a little bit, and find myself yearning to feel settled. I can't picture that being anywhere other than Dublin at the moment.

I think what's really making it more clear in my head this week is that I've started seeing a guy who's English, and I find myself prioritising the desire to move home over having a relationship with someone who's not Irish. It is very new of course so it's more understandable I suppose- the feeling of homesickness. I never, ever thought of myself as such a homebird until the last 6-12 months! And I feel like this in the UK so can only imagine how people in further away countries feel sometimes.

Have any loungers prioritised a relationship with someone not of your nationality, over moving home? (doesn't have to be Irish of course) Do you find your preferences changing one way or another as you get older?

Do you think that the longer you're away, the less Ireland feels like home? Thought it'd be interesting to hear other loungers' thoughts.

4friggA

I'm actually the opposite of you. My husband and I are planning on moving away from the county we live in/potentially away from Ireland altogether in a couple of years. We would both call ourselves homebirds but we're homebirds in the sense of we like to be at our home with our things and our dogs etc. but the "home" itself can be anywhere.
My husband is 39 and has lived outside of Ireland in a few different countries during his life but I have never lived outside of Ireland and would love to travel. My ideal adventure would be getting a big RV, loading up all our dogs and driving through Europe until we get to where we want to settle down.

My husband's parents are both dead and he is an only child. I don't have a great relationship with my own parents and my sister would travel anywhere in the world to visit me (as would I to visit her) so I quite like the idea of a fresh start somewhere. Neither of us have a lot friends here and where we live is a bit dead and there are a few other reasons why we want to get out of here so we're looking forward to when the day comes.
We are kind of grounded for a couple of years for a few reasons but once we can go, we will go.

I think its a difficult one, both of mine live in the UK, one does think of coming home occasionally however a lot of things get in the way, as she is a nurse she would have no trouble getting a job however she has a very senior job in the UK here it would be difficult to get the same job, she had made a life for herself has a good circle of friends etc., and finally the cost of accommodation here while she could live with me or her dad that's not a long term solution, she does have lots of friends here so knows coming home wouldn't be a big deal but I think deep down she doesn't know what to do.

The good thing about the UK is that fights are cheap and its near, you could do a weekly commute from the UK if you put you mind to it my husband did it for a year.

rainbow kirby

I've been living in the UK for 2 years, and am married to an Irish man. We're pretty happy here and quite settled at this stage (he's 5 years here later this year) - however if we have kids our hand could be forced. We could afford one child here, but a second would be game over and we would almost certainly end up moving back to Dublin because it would be one full salary if not more paying for childcare and having a reasonable quality of life in London relies on dual incomes.

We come home quite a bit, we were home a lot in the runup to the wedding in May and I'm back home again for a family christening this weekend. We have family over with us relatively frequently too.

I'm pretty ambivalent about Ireland - it will always be home, but I don't necessarily always want to live there because there are quite a few things that I really dislike about it. Work opportunities are better here for both of us too.

Shenshen

I'm non-Irish living in Ireland, and to be honest I'm quite settled here.
My husband isn't Irish, but isn't from the same country as me either, so if we ever decided on going back, we'd first have to agree on where "back" actually is.
I can't honestly imagine ever returning to Germany. It's just the place I grew up and where my mother is living. Other than that, I would call Ireland home.

I used to have the same travel aspirations, wanting to live in lots of different countries. But all I managed was a 6-month-internship in Canada a long time ago, and then moving to Ireland.
I'm in my forties now, and I really don't feel any pull back at all. But then wanting to not live in Germany and planning for that was something that sustained me while I was still living there.

IvyTheTerrible

I've been living in France for the last 6.5 years. I met a French man in Ireland and we decided to move over here for work. I've absolutely no intention of moving back, I love my life and the lifestyle and I have my own little family here.

I feel sometimes like my identity is a bit split in two - I'm getting further from Ireland all the time (even silly things like everyone in Ireland talking about Love/Hate, and me never having watched it!) and at the same time, even if I get French citizenship, I'll never really be French either.

I read a book at the start of this year which really speaks to anyone who feels the same - it's called "Nord Perdu" by Nancy Huston (you can get it in English too) and the author writes about her experience as a Canadian (non-French speaking) who moved to France. I'd highly recommend it.

beks101

I've one or two friends who moved back to Ireland because the homesickness and sense of familial duty they felt just grew with every passing month they spent abroad. They feel too detached, like they're "missing out" on their own lives with every passing day.

I love Ireland, it will always be home but I've never felt that same urge. I've never really felt homesick or disconnected.

Personally living abroad has presented me with this paradox of feeling like you're straddling two worlds - the one you were raised in and the one you are now building a life in - and exactly which one you fit in isn't always obvious or clear. I might pine for home, then get back and feel antsy after two weeks because I miss my new world too much and the things I love about Ireland can become the things that grind my gears too.

Novella

I am married to an American man but I didn't prioritize him over moving home as such because I met him online while I still lived in Ireland. I prioritized him over having a life in Ireland though, at least for the foreseeable future.

To be perfectly honest, that was never a really big deal to me. I have always liked to travel, I like new places and as much as I love Ireland, I don't feel a definitive attachment to it. I have attachment to people in Ireland, of course and there are things that I miss but when it comes down to it, I talk to the ones I love and miss pretty much every day. I see them every chance that I get. They are still a huge part of life. Distance makes it harder but it also makes the times we do spend together feel so much more important and valued.

Visiting Ireland is so happy for me but I don't ever feel like I want to move back. I call California home. This is where my life is now. My husband, our house, our jobs, everything that we've worked to own. Our child will be born here in a few weeks. I feel like this is where I belong because all of the things that make my world go round on a day to day basis are here, they're not in Ireland. And I have no desire to change that.

Shelga

beks101 wrote: »

Personally living abroad has presented me with this paradox of feeling like you're straddling two worlds - the one you were raised in and the one you are now building a life in - and exactly which one you fit in isn't always obvious or clear. I might pine for home, then get back and feel antsy after two weeks because I miss my new world too much and the things I love about Ireland can become the things that grind my gears too.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm very aware of the rose coloured glasses effect when I miss home. I'm fully aware that if I did go home, it would be a big adjustment and without the job opportunities I have here. My job here technically doesn't even exist in Ireland. I hate all the extra costs at home too, everything from toll roads to ridiculous motor tax, extra income tax, inferior health service, etc.

But I miss being a 5 minute drive from the beach, I live in the midlands in England. I miss the people and Dublin and the beautiful scenery within an hour's drive. I miss the pub scene and being close to family and friends and going on trips to the west and wandering around town.

I dunno, I'm torn. Not as nostalgic as I was when I created the thread. :P I think because when it boils down to it, all that's REALLY keeping me here is a great job. Is that enough? But is Ireland enough? What makes a person content anyway?

Everything will work out as it should, I'm sure. Interesting to hear from others who live away. I think if my friends start gradually drifting back home from England in the next 2/3 years, that would influence my decision a bit too. (Maybe 80% of my college class emigrated).

Anyway I'm off to China for a year with work so the point is moo for now! :pac:

Faith

I live in Vancouver and have been here for a year with my soon-to-be husband. Prior to that, since 18, I lived in Edinburgh for 4 years, Wales for a year and Ireland for the rest of the time. I have no real attachment to Ireland and no desire to ever return. I LOVE Vancouver, and I'd happy live in many different parts of the US. But I need to do a doctorate and, time-wise and financially, it's looking like I should do it in the UK. Now that I'm thinking of moving back there, Vancouver is slightly losing its glow and there are things I'm starting to miss about Europe (but still not Ireland really).

So long story short, Ireland doesn't feel like 'home' to me any more, and I don't want to move back, but I still haven't found my new home.

R.D. aka MR.D

I've lived in 4 different countries and I'm currently in Japan.

My OH, who is American, and I have decided to move to Ireland early next year.

I'm really looking forward to it because I miss the people. I've had a few bad experiences in the last couple years of people just being despicable. Living abroad has also made me realise that I can't stop being Irish. I've met so many expats who give themselves up completely to their new culture but for whatever reason I just can't do it. It makes no sense to me.

I am a little bit nervous though because I haven't lived at home in so long now and sometimes I get the idea from the internet that us 'returnees' aren't welcome. I also worry about how much things might have changed. But overall, I can't wait to move back. There was a time when I thought I would never be ready but I really think that I am.

Cosmicfox

I've only moved to the UK around a year ago but I rarely ever feel a yearn for Ireland other than seeing family and even then you can just hop on a plane for a weekend. I guess the UK and Ireland are far too similar for me to really get homesick.

I'd love to try and live in Germany or New Zealand for a while. Maybe homesickness would kick in much faster than

The J Stands for Jay

Faith wrote: »

Now that I'm thinking of moving back there, Vancouver is slightly losing its glow and there are things I'm starting to miss about Europe (but still not Ireland really).

I felt the same in the weeks before I moved back from the States. Suddebly , lots of little differences that never bothered me were suddenly annoying.

melodies

Shelga wrote: »

Have any loungers prioritised a relationship with someone not of your nationality, over moving home? (doesn't have to be Irish of course) Do you find your preferences changing one way or another as you get older?

Do you think that the longer you're away, the less Ireland feels like home? Thought it'd be interesting to hear other loungers' thoughts.

I've returned after 26 years in London and in the first twelve years I prioritised a relationship with an English guy over my desire to come back to Ireland. I now believe I made a mistake, though there's no point dwelling. However, one thing you could consider is come back for six months or a year and hold a long distance relationship and see how you feel after that - or try to get him to move here. My ex wouldn't come here.

Also, I had a lot of foreign friends over the years and I noticed with myself and with them - at about the 8 year mark of being in the new culture, you start to really change and have assimilated enough that you start doubting whether you might move back home. I found if I asked people "do you see yourself moving home" - they usually said "yes" up to the 8 year mark, then started saying "maybe" after that.

Hope this helps

jaja321

Interesting melodies that you pointed out this 8 year mark. I moved home after living in the States for 7 years - It was a decision that took me about a year to make and was certainly not an easy one. I moved home for a number of reasons, although I couldn't say that I was homesick necessarily. It was more about not wanting to live in the U.S. forever and the feeling that if I didn't make the move at that point, that I didn't think I would ever really see myself being able to come home - that I would be gone too long and not be able to readjust. I didn't want to find myself in that situation.

Moving home is hard. Things have changed. You have changed. I also came home at the end of 2007, just before the economy tanked here, so it was a difficult few years after returning. I almost went back to the States and sometimes I wonder what my life would be like now if I had.... but I'm still glad I decided to come home. I'm back now longer than I was away and ironically I've seen more of the world in that time then I did when I was living in the U.S.

DoozerT6

I live in Ireland, but have lived abroad for extended periods in the past.

I own, and live in, my own home here, but have no emotional attachment to either my home or the locality I live in. My parents also moved down the country several years back, selling my childhood home where all my memories lie. So when I went abroad, I had no real "draw" back to either the apartment I own or my parent's current residence. That's not my home either, it's just where my parents live. I also found that I didn't 'miss' people as much as I thought I would, however I did miss 'Irishness', if you know what I mean....I guess a shared heritage and social history is important to me, (even silly things like being able to reference Bosco, or Live at Three and people know what you're talking about!!) which you just don't get abroad, no matter how well you settle down.

So unless I fall in love with a foreigner and am blinded enough by love to call their homeland my home, I think I'll stay in Ireland...