Girlfriend might be pregnant - have no idea what to do

LegacyUser

Hi all,

In the last few days my girlfriend has been texting me about her fears about an unplanned pregnancy. She has been telling me about having back pains, sore breasts, no period and feelings of nausea, and light sickness.

We haven't had sexual intercourse yet, but we have done fingering, and I know for certain my hands have been clean before I touched her. She still has doubts about this however. There is a small possibility she could have touched my penis and a sperm cell could have reached her ovaries. I know its highly unlikely, but not impossible.

I'm starting to really worry now because she still has one more year to finish her masters, and she's currently in England doing a summer camp. I also need at least one more year of college to do my masters. She is uncertain about whether or not to get an abortion, and about what her parents will think of her (either about having the baby when she wasn't ready or rejecting it) I don't want her to throw away everything she's worked for.

If it turns out she is to have a baby I will do whatever I can to support her and the child, even if it means travelling from Dublin to Sligo to be with the child as regularly as possible in February/March when it would be due.

Can anyone offer some advice? She is looking into taking a test tomorrow, and asked if I would be ok with booking a flight over to be with her if it turns out she is pregnant.

strandroad

She should buy a test asap, it's bizarre that she's panicking like that in such unlikely circumstances.

MagicMarker

She's not pregnant. And if she is, you're not the father.

Flippyfloppy

It's completely impossible to become pregnant in the way you have described. Sperm can not survive in temperatures outside the body. Do some research.

Windorah

She is definitely not pregnant. Could she be testing you to see how serious you are about the relationship?

It is possible she is just uninformed about how pregnancy happens of course and in that case you both need to do some research and sort out contraception.

Cunning Stunt

Either she has slept with someone else and is trying to pin the consequences on you, or she is just a born worrier who is taking her pregnancy worries to the extreme.

I hope it's the latter, but if it turns out that she's pregnant, you should demand a paternity test, OP.

How old are you, OP? I would really advise you to actually read up on safe sex, because I can guarantee you that she cannot be pregnant in the way you describe, unless you have special sperm shooting fingers. As others have said, if she is pregnant, then it's not yours. Ask her to get a test and show you. How long have you been with her?

TheChizler

Some people are born worriers OP, my GF freaks out if she's a few hours late.

LegacyUser

Oh my god OP from what you described she is not pregnant!! And as the other posters said if she is, it aint yours!! You havnt even had sex? Those symptoms are more than likely she is about to get her period! Every month the week before mine I feel like that. You both sound very young. I used to worry like that when I was 17 and didn't have a clue. I take it yous are like maybe mid 20s? You should really be more clued up on how pregnancy happens.

LegacyUser

Thanks to all,

I'm 23, and she's 21. I'm a little less worried after reading all your replies, she hopes to get a test in the next day or two so hopefully it won't be too bad. That said she may be testing my commitment to our relationship. We've been together just over a year now.

LegacyUser

When I started reading your post OP I thought you were going to say she'd just done her leaving cert or something....but she's finishing a masters?? Either she's totally over thinking things and stressing herself out for nothing or she's had sex and thinks your dim enough to think it's yours. I'd go with the first option, some people can blow things up. She might have one of the issues likes a back ache and has convinced herself of the others or has caused them due to stressing out. Tell her to go to a GP and get a test, doesn't sound like she'd trust an over the counter test.

Mr. Incognito

concerned boyfriend wrote: »

Thanks to all,

I'm 23, and she's 21. I'm a little less worried after reading all your replies, she hopes to get a test in the next day or two so hopefully it won't be too bad. That said she may be testing my commitment to our relationship. We've been together just over a year now.

You are together over a year and havent had sex? Ever?

retro:electro

You are together over a year and have never had sex? And you're 23? Can I ask why not? Sorry it just seems unsual that you haven't had sex if you've been together so long. She is freaking out for no reason. You can't get pregnant from getting fingered.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

No sex for a year and pretend pregnancy to "test" your relationship. Sounds mental, get rid now.

Neyite

OP, there is a sticky thread in Relationships of a You-Tube video that you and your girlfriend should watch. It's pretty interesting and you might find it very useful about now.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=2700517&postcount=1

Wait. This calls up so many more questions! You're both in your 20s and haven't had sex in an entire year?! .. Why? What is the relationship like? Is she waiting until marriage? And why would she want to test your commitment? I'll be honest, OP - if I were in a relationship and someone tried to test my commitment by faking a pregnancy scare, then they'll have just found that my commitment only goes so far and I'll be running a mile in the opposite direction.

kylith

If people don't want to have sex, regardless of how long they've been in a relationship, as long as all parties are happy with the arrangement then it's not a problem.

Keyzer

You're not called Joe by any chance are you? Work as a carpenter?

bp

Pregnancy tests are VERY easy to come by - a 24 hours Tesco will have them. Why is she sorting one over the next few days.

I echo the others, I don't see how you could have gotten her pregnant

The_Valeyard

Unless you have some sort of super sperm with Captain Kirk transporter abilities, she is not pregnant, by you anyhow. Relax, something else is afoot.

chuckles30

I second what BP says - any 24 hour tesco/asda will have pregnancy testing kits. What's the delay?? Sounds like a drama queen reaction tbh.

Flippyfloppy

chuckles30 wrote: »

I second what BP says - any 24 hour tesco/asda will have pregnancy testing kits. What's the delay?? Sounds like a drama queen reaction tbh.

Unless she's waiting until after her period is due. In which case she has no reason to think she's pregnant yet!

January

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Unless she's waiting until after her period is due. In which case she has no reason to think she's pregnant yet!

Pregnancy can be detected before a period is due, up to 6 days before with the First Response brand.

If she hasn't had sex then she has nothing to worry about.

iusedtoknow

sperm can only survive outside the body so long - so the odds of it being transferred from you to her without sex are slim to none, or your sperm are super sperm. If she is pregnant, it is either because she cheated on you or there was a miraculous conception. There are a lot of urban myths of people getting pregnant in hot tubs etc. They are just that...myths.

If you have not had sex, you cannot be the father. You need to stop worrying about it. The other thing to remember here is that (and all apologies to women here...) women's bodies are weird and unpredictable. Periods can be late, symptoms of pregnancy can also be symptoms that their periods are coming. A late/skipped period can be down to anything...stress, diet or just not ovulating that month.

LegacyUser

There is absolutely NO WAY that anyone can become pregnant from a random sperm cell that they practically picked up by accident. Sperm needs really specific conditions to survive in, and those definitely are not it.
Tell her she's basically admitted to cheating because what she's claiming is on par with saying 'we only kissed and now im pregnant'. Why would she assume that just because shes missed her period that shes pregnant anyway? Something definitely isnt adding up here.

mud

When I was 15 or so a girl in my class told us all that she was probably pregnant and she was freaking out crying and wailing.

It turned out she'd been fingered. Just fingered.

She didn't have even a basic idea of how pregnancy happens and perhaps your partner is the same?

Hope it all works out for you.

Flippyfloppy

January wrote: »

Pregnancy can be detected before a period is due, up to 6 days before with the First Response brand.

If she hasn't had sex then she has nothing to worry about.

Absolutely, what I meant was that's why she is waiting. It's the only valid reason she could be putting it off, as most tests say to wait until your period is due. However if her period isn't due yet then she hasn't missed one, so why would she think she's pregnant. When they haven't had sex, with each other at least.

Lux23

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Absolutely, what I meant was that's why she is waiting. It's the only valid reason she could be putting it off, as most tests say to wait until your period is due. However if her period isn't due yet then she hasn't missed one, so why would she think she's pregnant. When they haven't had sex, with each other at least.

I don't think there is any point in applying logic to this situation. The girl is either taking the mick or she is a born worrier who freaks out about situations that are not even real.

strandroad

PI GUEST wrote: »

There is absolutely NO WAY that anyone can become pregnant from a random sperm cell that they practically picked up by accident. Sperm needs really specific conditions to survive in, and those definitely are not it.
Tell her she's basically admitted to cheating because what she's claiming is on par with saying 'we only kissed and now im pregnant'. Why would she assume that just because shes missed her period that shes pregnant anyway? Something definitely isnt adding up here.

It's actually technically possible to transfer sperm by hand but the chances of anything happening... They have better chance of winning Euromillions!
OP is your gf really inexperienced and a massive worrier?

kylith

mhge wrote: »

It's actually technically possible to transfer sperm by hand but the chances of anything happening... They have better chance of winning Euromillions!
OP is your gf really inexperienced and a massive worrier?

Yeah, the OP would basically have to have ejaculated on his hand immediately before he fingered her, so while it's technically possible to get pregnant that way it's so unlikely as to be near miraculous.

arayess

mud wrote: »

When I was 15 or so a girl in my class told us all that she was probably pregnant and she was freaking out crying and wailing.

It turned out she'd been fingered. Just fingered.

She didn't have even a basic idea of how pregnancy happens and perhaps your partner is the same?

Hope it all works out for you.

his partner is 21 and in college not 15.
If she hasn't matured beyond a panic stricken 15 year then there are greater issues.

mud

arayess wrote: »

his partner is 21 and in college not 15.
If she hasn't matured beyond a panic stricken 15 year then there are greater issues.

That's what I said. That she didn't have enough knowledge about conception and the OP's girlfriend is the same.

LegacyUser

Thanks to all for the advice.

The last three days she has just dropped the pregnancy talk altogether, so I'm pretty sure, as many have suggested it was just a test of my commitment.

retro:electro

concerned boyfriend wrote: »

Thanks to all for the advice.

The last three days she has just dropped the pregnancy talk altogether, so I'm pretty sure, as many have suggested it was just a test of my commitment.

Did you not bring it up?

Penny Tration

concerned boyfriend wrote: »

Thanks to all for the advice.

The last three days she has just dropped the pregnancy talk altogether, so I'm pretty sure, as many have suggested it was just a test of my commitment.

Sorry but if she's telling you she thinks she's pregnant, why aren't you insisting she does a test? You could not possibly be the father, so if this is a test, she's also admitted to cheating on you!

Also, if it's a test, she needs help. It's sick to do that to someone.

Neyite

concerned boyfriend wrote: »

Thanks to all for the advice.

The last three days she has just dropped the pregnancy talk altogether, so I'm pretty sure, as many have suggested it was just a test of my commitment.

Then if that's the case, she has demonstrated that she doesn't trust what your words and actions, so has to lie and scheme up a scenario that makes you worry and stress, to satisfy her own lack of ability to trust. That's not healthy - to put someone through a headwreck of an invented crisis to test their commitment.

Have a serious think about this person in your life. About having these tests for a lifetime. About wondering if something is real or a test. About worrying if it is a test, what's the expected response in order to pass the test.

Grown-ups dont do this crap. When we are feeling insecure or worried about a future in our relationship, we talk. We discuss our wishes and needs and trust that what the other person says in response is the truth.

This is likely to be the kind of person who will check up on you that you are really out with friends. Or snoop your phone or emails or private correspondence. Or get in a mood whenever you are chatting to a female friend or colleague. Tbh, that stuff is minor in comparison to a fake baby.

So, maybe some thinking to do OP?

LegacyUser

concerned boyfriend wrote: »

Thanks to all for the advice.

The last three days she has just dropped the pregnancy talk altogether, so I'm pretty sure, as many have suggested it was just a test of my commitment.

You have been dating this girl a year with no sex and she drops a pregnancy scare on you for no apparent reason and you haven't checked out to see if she did the test. Also would this not make you wonder is she sleeping around ? and possibly tried to pin this on you?

If this is her way of testing your commitment I'd be running a mile at this stage, what a head wreck.

strandroad

concerned boyfriend wrote: »

Thanks to all for the advice.

The last three days she has just dropped the pregnancy talk altogether, so I'm pretty sure, as many have suggested it was just a test of my commitment.

You do need to talk, it's not optional - it might indeed be a test (in which case you're in a bad relationship) but it might also be stupid panic if she's inexperienced and a worrier. She may have realised that she's panicking unnecessarily and dropped it, or perhaps she started getting the usual signs of her period and it put her mind at ease.

I went through a similar scare myself (while younger than her though) and I worried myself silly to the point when my period was delayed due to the stress. The perspective of unwanted pregnancy when you're so young can make you think funny.

You obviously know her best and can tell if she was faking it/controlling or just scared but you should get to know her side - if you don't it will poison your relationship either way.

OneOfThem

So two scenarios?

1. She cheated on you, unprotected sex, panicked and tried to pre-emptively cover her ass by floating this ludicrous green beret sperm possibility, incase she was pregnant. Dump her.

2. She fabricated a pretend pregnancy scare because crazy crazy crazy crazy. Dump her.

TheChizler

OneOfThem wrote: »

So two scenarios?

1. She cheated on you, unprotected sex, panicked and tried to pre-emptively cover her ass by floating this ludicrous green beret sperm possibility, incase she was pregnant. Dump her.

2. She fabricated a pretend pregnancy scare because crazy crazy crazy crazy. Dump her.

Or just had an unfounded panic/worry which none of us are immune to from time to time.

Dial Hard

TheChizler wrote: »

Or just had an unfounded panic/worry which none of us are immune to from time to time.

Sorry, I'm not buying that for a second. Firstly, she's 21, not 16. Secondly, if she was genuinely panicked about being pregnant, she'd have done the test before she even spoke to the boyfriend, not fed him some wishy-washy guff about getting one "in a few days".

There's something more going on with this girl, imo, and if I were her boyfriend I'd be having a long, hard think right about now.

MagicMarker

Dial Hard wrote: »

Secondly, if she was genuinely panicked about being pregnant, she'd have done the test before she even spoke to the boyfriend.

Well you've obviously never been in a relationship before.

Dial Hard

MagicMarker wrote: »

Well you've obviously never been in a relationship before.

You are roundly mistaken there. I'm also female, and if I found myself dealing with a potential pregnancy scare the first thing I'd do before speaking to anyone is establish whether or not there's actually a scare to be scared of.

TheChizler

Dial Hard wrote: »

Sorry, I'm not buying that for a second. Firstly, she's 21, not 16. Secondly, if she was genuinely panicked about being pregnant, she'd have done the test before she even spoke to the boyfriend, not fed him some wishy-washy guff about getting one "in a few days".

There's something more going on with this girl, imo, and if I were her boyfriend I'd be having a long, hard think right about now.

The terror of possibly (but to someone thinking rationally, impossible) finding out for definite that you're pregnant could make you want to put off taking the test, you could be waiting a few days hoping your period would turn up. I would think that's fairly plausible.

kylith

kylith wrote: »

If people don't want to have sex, regardless of how long they've been in a relationship, as long as all parties are happy with the arrangement then it's not a problem.

While true, a lack of sex could be a red flag for problems within a relationship or within the person themselves, potentially highlighting various unaddressed issues - it's why I wondered what the rest of their relationship could be like.

MagicMarker

Dial Hard wrote: »

You are roundly mistaken there. I'm also female, and if I found myself dealing with a potential pregnancy scare the first thing I'd do before speaking to anyone is establish whether or not there's actually a scare to be scared of.

You are aware that as a female, you don't actually speak for all females?

OneOfThem

TheChizler wrote: »

Or just had an unfounded panic/worry which none of us are immune to from time to time.

None of us are immune from having an unfounded panic/worry that we may be pregnant despite apparently not having had sexual intercourse in over a year? I beg to differ.

She's a 21 year old woman currently completing a masters degree. Not some sheltered 14 year old kid that's just started kissing boys. Don't buy the babe in the woods routine for a second. Something's rotten in Denmark.

retro:electro

TheChizler wrote: »

Or just had an unfounded panic/worry which none of us are immune to from time to time.

This would be true and plausible if the two of them had actually had sex, they didn't.

TheChizler

anna080 wrote: »

This would be true and plausible if the two of them had actually had sex, they didn't.

That's why it's unfounded. Worriers can latch on to the most remote unlikely possibilities when the consequences are so significant, just look at the fear of flying, so hugely unlikely but huge concequences when if does go wrong, yet people refuse to get on planes because they focus on the remote chance and make it bigger in their minds.

If you can't categorically rule something out, people will worry. A few girls I know immediately worry about pregnancy the moment they're late, even if they haven't done anything that could cause it, for a lot of people being late automatically means pregnancy, no matter how unfounded. Especially if they're not too familiar with how the body works.

keysersoze0330

So many questions. So few answers!!

LegacyUser

Well, the missus just said there she still thinks she's pregnant and will do a test as soon as she gets a day off. I've told her it's impossible based on our circumstances but nothing I say will convince her. So until she gets a test done I'm just going to say I'll be supporting her no matter what happens. Any other ideas of what I can do now?

Thanks again for all the replies. I really, really appreciate it.