I never get approached by guys??

funnygirl

I don't know where else to ask this. I'm 20 and i'm really starting to think i must be ugly. Guys never seem to approach me, anywhere. My friends seem to always get guys and they always
have boyfriends, whereas i'm always the single one. It knocks my confidence knowing i can't really get a guy. I don't know if this is just in my head but guys do seem to stare at me, friends that i've been with notice this too when we're out and about but most of the time i just think they're staring because i'm ugly or they're not really staring at all!

The weird thing is, i have joined a dating site just to see where i stand and i do seem to get loads of guys messaging me etc, but i assume this happens to all girls. Alot of these guys are after one night stands.

It's really knocking my self esteem and i just feel really unattractive. Why would a girl never get approached?

368100

Why don't you go and talk to a guy that takes your fancy? Take matters into your own hands.

Pyr0

Why not approach them instead? Or try put yourself at the bar at the same time and start small talk? It takes 2 people to show interest for anything to even happen.

funnygirl

I have done this before and it didn't end well. I just assume if a guy likes a girl he would approach her. My friends get approached by guys without talking to them

Shemale

If a guy is looking at you and you like him smile at him, I wouldn't go over to a girl I liked when I was single if there wasnt some sort of eye contact or smiles exchanged.

funnygirl

I give eye contact and smile but they don't seem to approach anyway? The few times i have approached guys it didn't go well so i'm nervous about doing that again

368100

funnygirl wrote: »

I have done this before and it didn't end well. I just assume if a guy likes a girl he would approach her. My friends get approached by guys without talking to them

If every guy let one bad experience stop them from chatting someone up then nobody would get anywhere.

It's 2015 girls, just go and chat a fella up, equality and all that ;-)

Pyr0

funnygirl wrote: »

I have done this before and it didn't end well. I just assume if a guy likes a girl he would approach her. My friends get approached by guys without talking to them

Switch the situation around and you'll find out why men don't approach women as often as they'd like, they've been burned too many times.

Also, just because your friends get approached by guys without talking to them doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or you're ugly.

People generally act a lot more confident when out if they already have a boyfriend or girlfriend because they're not trying to impress anyone, a lot of the time they don't realise how confident they actually come across so to the opposite sex, that is appealing, confidence in yourself.

funnygirl

But aren't looks the first thing attracts someone to you? even if my friends were single they would still get guys approaching them. If everyone else is getting approached and i'm not, it just seems i must be unattractive.

Passenger

Be more proactive if you want to meet men and approach them. You're you, you're not your friends so stop comparing yourself to them. The whole "I'm a girl, therefore I should be approached" attitude possibly comes across as arrogant when you're out and 'expecting' to be approached?

funnygirl

I don't expect to be approached when i'm out. I go out to have fun with my friends and by the end i notice no one has approached me.
I am in no way shape or form arrogant. I'm not even that confident myself.

Passenger

funnygirl wrote: »

I don't expect to be approached when i'm out. I go out to have fun with my friends and by the end i notice no one has approached me.
I am in no way shape or form arrogant. I'm not even that confident myself.

It was a question not an accusation, as in do you unknowingly project an 'arrogance' to deter any possible approaches? Some men can find the whole approaching thing unnerving too you know, hence the reliance upon Dutch courage to do most of their approaching.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

OneOfThem

I've had lots of female friends over the years, that were, by all accounts, completely undeniable rides, that didn't tend to get hit on on nights out.

This probably won't be popular advice... but mostly they tended to dress quite conservatively (comparatively). As a guy, if you see a girl out in a club etc, even if she's gorgeous, if she's not dressed somewhat provocatively, when most other girls are, you tend to presume it's deliberate and she doesn't want to be approached, because she has a boyfriend, or she's just not open to things right now, or whatever. It reads as a 'stay away' kind of signal. Could be a million miles off, but does this ring any bells by any chance?

Eric Cartman

OneOfThem wrote: »

I've had lots of female friends over the years, that were, by all accounts, completely undeniable rides, that didn't tend to get hit on on nights out.

This probably won't be popular advice... but mostly they tended to dress quite conservatively (comparatively). As a guy, if you see a girl out in a club etc, even if she's gorgeous, if she's not dressed somewhat provocatively, when most other girls are, you tend to presume it's deliberate and she doesn't want to be approached, because she has a boyfriend, or she's just not open to things right now, or whatever. It reads as a 'stay away' kind of signal. Could be a million miles off, but does this ring any bells by any chance?

I would agree with this, also OP , look up the phenomenon known as 'resting bit*h face' Ive had a lot of female friends who almost never get hit on and its purely that their default facial expression makes them look angry or bored.

funnygirl

What would you class as conservatively? I myself don't think i dress conservatively, like i'd wear what most girls my age wear. And to the other post i think my natural face does look sort of moody but i do smile alot!

Dress however your want to dress, OP. Look however you want to look. The biggest thing I'd always go for in confidence and someone being comfortable in their skin.

You've mentioned smiling with a guy and yet they didn't approach - why didn't you? If you like someone, go up to them. Don't let them do all the work. You said before that you tried and it didn't go well - what happened? Was there any indication that they were interested or did you approach them at random?

skirtgirl

OneOfThem wrote: »

I've had lots of female friends over the years, that were, by all accounts, completely undeniable rides, that didn't tend to get hit on on nights out.

This probably won't be popular advice... but mostly they tended to dress quite conservatively (comparatively). As a guy, if you see a girl out in a club etc, even if she's gorgeous, if she's not dressed somewhat provocatively, when most other girls are, you tend to presume it's deliberate and she doesn't want to be approached, because she has a boyfriend, or she's just not open to things right now, or whatever. It reads as a 'stay away' kind of signal. Could be a million miles off, but does this ring any bells by any chance?

Really? I must go out this weekend wearing my shortest skirt and I will report back here. That is the most shallow thing I have heard in a long time. No offence intended.
Op go out and have a dance and a laugh. What is for you won't pass you.

OneOfThem

skirtgirl wrote: »

Really? I must go out this weekend wearing my shortest skirt and I will report back here. That is the most shallow thing I have heard in a long time. No offence intended.
Op go out and have a dance and a laugh. What is for you won't pass you.

Yeah really. And no offense taken. When guys approach girls on a night out its not because they've watched them walk across the dance floor and thought "God, I bet she has the most fascinating views on the Armenian genocide!", it's because they've looked at them and thought "she's sexy, I'd like to have sex with her" (doesn't mean that's all they want, but that's what has them walking in your direction), and the sexier a girl is dressed, the more likely they are to think that. Don't have to like it, but it's true.

However if OP says she dresses the same as the other girls, then its probably not the definitive factor. Shorter skirts a good idea though. If you've nice legs, show them off.

ManOfMystery

OneOfThem wrote: »

Yeah really. And no offense taken. When guys approach girls on a night out its not because they've watched them walk across the dance floor and thought "God, I bet she has the most fascinating views on the Armenian genocide!", it's because they've looked at them and thought "she's hot, I'd like to have sex with her" (doesn't mean that's all they want, but that's what has them walking in your direction), and the sexier a girl is dressed, the more likely they are to think that. Don't have to like it, but it's true.

I'm a guy, and don't agree with this, so I'm not sure where you got this idea that all men find girls more attractive with less attire.

Girls dressed very provocatively (or who are verging on looking slutty) are a massive turn-off for me, and I know I'm not the only one in my group of mates who feels like that.

Ever hear the term 'less is more'? Plenty of guys like myself find that sexiness is not about showing more breast or leg, it's about how they carry themselves, how confident they are, dressing nicely for the occasion, and so on .............. so please don't feel you need to speak for all of us.

OneOfThem

ManOfMystery wrote: »

I'm a guy, and don't agree with this, so I'm not sure where you got this idea that all men find girls more attractive with less attire.

Girls dressed very provocatively (or who are verging on looking slutty) are a massive turn-off for me, and I know I'm not the only one in my group of mates who feels like that.

Ever hear the term 'less is more'? Plenty of guys like myself find that sexiness is not about showing more breast or leg, it's about how they carry themselves, how confident they are, dressing nicely for the occasion, and so on .............. so please don't feel you need to speak for all of us.

Not slutty. Just sexy. A sexy little skirt, rather than jeans, for example. A sexy dress that shows off her figure, rather than one which does not. The OP wants more men to hit on her. Dressing sexy (if she isn't already) will accomplish that. Guys approaching girls in a night out know nothing about them. They approach them because they find them sexually attractive (and would like to sleep with them (and potentially more). Well that's balanced by how receptive they think the girl will be to them. Woman look sexier when they dress sexier. They also seem more receptive to being approached on a night out, all else being equal, than if they are dressed more reserved.

A Primal Nut

I think some of the advice here is really bad. Simply saying "why don't you approach them" doesn't help and she's already explained she is not confident enough...maybe she is shy, etc. It doesn't answer the op's question at all.

As for saying she should dress provactively....eh...no this is really bad advice. Obviously looking good helps but most of the girls I've met in bars and clubs were actually dressed quite casually. The OP should dress how she feels comfortable and confident.

As a shy guy who has tired to overcome it I find it easier to approach girls if:

1) she seems friendly...smiling etc. Obviously if she smiles in my direction its a good indicator.

2) laid back environments....nightclubs and many late night bars can be too crowded and too loud to talk to someone. Sometimes I wish I smoked because smoking areas are good for this.

3)she is part of a small group (for example just her and her friend).... It's very intimidating to approach someone in a big group. It's also quite easy to say hello to a woman at the bar when getting drink (usually not very successful for me though)

Check out where your friends are when they are approached....have they broken away from the group for a bit...are they at the bar or smoking area? That's probably the easiest thing to examine. If you always stay with the large group guys won't have the confidence to talk to you because of the humiliation if he is rejected.

Hope that helps

funnygirl

Thanks Primal Nut, I wouldn't be confident enough at the moment to approach guys. And to the other posters I don't dress conservatively by any means but i don't dress slutty either, it's just not my style. I have a hard time believing how you dress actually matters that much, if a girl is attractive she'd be attractive in any clothes no?

bolopapa

Right now you seems a little desperate and most guys would just take advantage of that.
Plus with dating i believe theres a cycle, you form hard to get guys chase, you push they pull, e.t.c

You do not have to start making eye contact with every bill and john.
Just place youself in position to be asked out. Also it possible you are prettier than all your friends, a natural mans brain is wired to go for the easier kill.
Try being are places alone or taking a stroll alone no friend just you alone.
And also you could consider joining a gym. with more male members than females.
Goodluck

funnygirl

And also i guess i was asking why would a girl never get approached. Now don't get me wrong i don't expect to get approached, i just thought most girls do at some point. Any girls i've met or any of my friends are always telling stories of guys hitting on them and i just think well it never happens to me, so naturally i just think i must be unattractive.

bolopapa i'm not desperate to have a boyfriend or anything i just think there must be something wrong with me. I've never even been on a date so far.

funnygirl

funnygirl wrote: »

Thanks Primal Nut, I wouldn't be confident enough at the moment to approach guys. And to the other posters I don't dress conservatively by any means but i don't dress slutty either, it's just not my style. I have a hard time believing how you dress actually matters that much, if a girl is attractive she'd be attractive in any clothes no?

I personally don't think a lack of confidence is necessarily an excuse, especially on a night out. You would likely have Dutch courage. Don't be too drunk, because any reasonable guy would refuse to entertain you. There's a safety reason behind that. It would be a great way for you to work on your confidence, your shyness. Plus it would mean that you're not standing around, waiting for a guy to approach you.

funnygirl

I'm not much of a drinker. Lack of confidence isn't an excuse, it's a real issue for me. If i'm not confident about my looks i would find it very hard to approach any guy, and it doesn't help the fact i've yet to see any girl approach a guy. What i've seen is guys always do the approaching so i would probably be seen as weird if i did that.

PinkLemonade

When I was younger I styled myself many different ways. As a blonde (caked in tan etc.) I got by far the most attention, got chatted up a lot while out, but always in a quite sleazy way.

When I went for a darker/indie kind of look I didn't get as much attention but the guys that did approach me seemed more intersted in actual conversation/phone numbers and not just scoring.

When I went back to my natural hair and subtle tan/makeup, I was approached by less guys again, but the quality of the men that did approach me was so much better, I don't mean they were better looking, just that they were genuine in wanting to get to know me and weren't just playing the numbers games. They'd ask me out on dates rather than just looking for a hook up.

I prefer quality myself over quantity

funnygirl

I would prefer quality over quantity too, it's just no guy approaches me ever. And i'm 20 now and they still don't. I've never even been asked out on a date.

funnygirl

funnygirl wrote: »

I'm not much of a drinker. Lack of confidence isn't an excuse, it's a real issue for me. If i'm not confident about my looks i would find it very hard to approach any guy, and it doesn't help the fact i've yet to see any girl approach a guy. What i've seen is guys always do the approaching so i would probably be seen as weird if i did that.

Are you doing anything for your lack of confidence? Are you working on being confident in your looks? Lack of confidence is an excuse when you're doing nothing to rectify your problems. Also women approach men more often than you think and I can tell you this from personal experience. I love when a woman approaches me, because confidence is such an attractive quality. Their confidence and attitude would be more attractive to me than their body type.

funnygirl

I have been working on my confidence but no matter what i do i'm just not confident in myself at all. There's no magic fix to be more confident. For various reasons in my life i've always had low self esteem.

funnygirl

And about my looks, i wear makeup, i wear nice clothes like other girls my age. I take care of myself. I'm slim and fit. Regardless of all this i still don't feel confident.

funnygirl

funnygirl wrote: »

I have been working on my confidence but no matter what i do i'm just not confident in myself at all. There's no magic fix to be more confident. For various reasons in my life i've always had low self esteem.

There isn't, but you can work towards it. It'll be a long process, but you'll get there.

Sign up to meetup.com. It's a fantastic way to meet new people and you can find groups for your own age group and interests. Get used to meeting people and interacting with other people outside of a pub environment.

Exercise, diet. You'll be amazed at how much it helps. I was at my heaviest at the start of the year, before starting in or around March. Since then I've lost a stone, a noticeable difference in my waist, and a huge improvement in my overall well-being. I'm still not fully there and it's a long process, but boy is it worth it.

Go to a counselor. You can find low cost options around you, I would imagine. It would be a great way for you to try and work on your self esteem issues.

Pyr0

funnygirl wrote: »

I'm not much of a drinker. Lack of confidence isn't an excuse, it's a real issue for me. If i'm not confident about my looks i would find it very hard to approach any guy, and it doesn't help the fact i've yet to see any girl approach a guy. What i've seen is guys always do the approaching so i would probably be seen as weird if i did that.

Now that I think about it, I always felt a bit more comfortable approaching a group of girls (or even just 2) with a friend of mine to help ease the nerves a bit, we never made it too obvious that we were trying to chat specific ones up, we just chatted and had the laugh and if they stuck around throughout the night then all the better.

Something as simple as "Have you got a light?" (If it's in the smoking area) followed up with a bit of chit chat can do the trick and get things rolling, maybe it's something you can try?

santana75

funnygirl wrote: »

And also i guess i was asking why would a girl never get approached. Now don't get me wrong i don't expect to get approached, i just thought most girls do at some point. Any girls i've met or any of my friends are always telling stories of guys hitting on them and i just think well it never happens to me, so naturally i just think i must be unattractive.

Good God please stop saying that to yourself. Just because guys dont approach you it doesnt mean youre unattractive. I was talking to this girl I know from south america the other night. She was telling me that when she came to Ireland first she got really upset because she was here 3 months and not one guy had approached her. Whereas in Venezuela, where shes from, guys wouldve hit on her all the time. In fact where shes from the guys can be pests. So she was telling me she felt unatttactive and in general bad about herself after living here for a while. And she was an atttactive girl. Not intimidatingly attractive, like a Victoria secrets model, but still really pretty.
Its a cultural thing here, a lot of guys will just not approach for fear of rejection, embarrassment etc. And I know your friends are getting approached but that doesnt mean anything about you and your looks. Youve said yourself that youre shy and not confident, the thing is we attract what we ourselves are. Youre shy, so it stands to reason that shy guys are attracted to you, but being shy, they dont approach.
I have seen girls who would be considered not conventionally attractive get approached and hook up with guys a lot. Its nothing to do with their looks, its all to do with how they see themselves. They obviously value who they are and think theyre pretty great because when you think like that you are a magnet for other people. Its when you think youre unattractive that the problems start.
Like I said its partly a cultural thing, but mostly its an issue of how you see yourself. So please stop judging yourself based on how you think guys see you. First off you honestly dont know how they see you but more importantly, it doesnt matter. The more you grow up the more you realise it doesnt matter what anyone thinks of you, that your self image is the only gig in town. Develop your relationship with yourself. I know thats frustrating to hear, that its not a quick fix, but there is no short way here. The good news is when you decide to work on your own self image, the pieces just fall into place as you go along. Theres no manual but you'll find that what you need comes to you and that everything is a lesson and an opportunity to grow. It'll work out, trust me. Just relax and let it happen.

Mr. Incognito

This isnt about guys.

This is about you. You are seeking validation from an external source- the number of guys hitting on you.

It's a terrible starting point.

Guys approach someone they are attracted to. The things that people find attractive in a bar are the same things that people find attractive outside a bar and number one on that list is

1. CONFIDENCE.

Not up your own hole, I am great, look at me but rather, I know myself, and I like myself. And the only person that can give you that validation is you. People always say that they meet people when they are not looking for them.

That's because they are off having a a great time with their friends or doing something interesting and new and fun and other people see that and think, wow, what an interesting and fun person.

If your validation is based on guys hitting on you you really need to stand back and think if guys hitting on you was the answer would you be happy? No. You have loads of guys hitting on you online and it doesnt make you any happier or less insecure.

Bottom line, work on you. Go see a Councellor if required. Read things that interest you, find hobbies. You are twenty. TWENTY!! You have 60 years of living to do. Make sure that when you find someone you have armed yourself to find the best someone you can find.

As an aside, when I was single I used to hit on the most attractive girl in the room and it always worked as guys were too intimidated to approach them. It's nerve wracking when you hit on a girl you fancy and she decides to be rude, which happens a lot more than it should sometimes. As a result all the half drunk lads can end up hitting on some unattractive ladies which adds more fuel because she is thinking, what? My lumpy one eyed, paraplegic mate with vomit on her can get hit on and I cant? WTF is wrong with me.

Maybe give online a go and try some dates to get your confidence up.

To that user who made the comments about that she should dress more provicatively, I got angry for a second but then I realised that you are just brainwashed by the media, and FHM and any shampoo ad to think that girls have to be half naked to lure you/ sell you shampoo. You sound like a sleezy creep. If that's the type of girl you go for ye deserve each other. Women who dress half naked attract sleezy guys.
Sleezy guys arent going to help your confidence.

There are accessories that you can put on to make yourself attractive. Books. The most attractive girls to me in life are those reading a book, on a train, on a plane. A lady that dresses elegantly is a lady and if you want to attract guys that are looking for ladies then become one.

But work on you first.

leahyl

Great post Mr. Incognito. I certainly need to take a lot of that advice! OP you are only 20 - 10 years younger than me :-(, and I've very rarely been approached by guys on a night out and am still single...you don't have to worry at all, take Mr. Incognitos advice and you'll be fine - work on that confidence in yourself! Best of luck!

Est28

So I know everyone wants to go down the route of talking about looks and.... oh god, someone's ALREADY gone down the "councelling" route as the usual fix here for EVERYTHING.... lets look at another angle.

Anyone I've ever haerd saying this in the past had the same problem and it is easily fixable:
They weren't making themselves approachable.

Read that again before someone jumps on me and says I'm telling OP do something inappropriate.... I'M NOT!

The difference between being approachable or not is fairly easy:
- If someone is hanging around a "busy" part of a bar, they're easy to talk to, someone in the corner or a table with their friends is not.
- If a girl seems to be friendly or leaves herself open for a conversation, again, it makes it easy, many people are buried in their friends groups, facing away from people, facing the bar, not outwards, huddled in a group, REALLY looks engaged with the friends conversation.

It's simple enough, if you MAKE yourself approachable by just making it easy for someone to strike a small conversation with a small comment then it'll happen a lot. If you're making it difficult to get to you, then it won't.

Looks, in fairness, a guy might go over if he thinkgs a girl is cute, but it's not a disney movie, he won't barrel through crowds and over tables, but if it's easy to say a quick word to someone without having to drive through a group of friends, he will.

Also, lastly... another common one you hear is someone saying "nobody ever talks to me" when the reality is "nobody I want to talk to me, talks to me".

Then again, was already mentioned but nothing wrong with starting a conversation yourself. The whole, make a guy do EVERYTHING and saying "He'd do it if he liked her" is just wrong. He'll do it to a point until she just appears unappreciative and he'll move on. He might think you're cute but nobody is such a special snowflake that a guy would go to ANY lengths for you without knowing you, above and beyond ANYONE else there. If he strikes up a conversation and you like him, smile and talk back. If you won't, most guys will jus talk to someone else who WILL be pleasant to them in conversation.

TheManiac2000

funnygirl wrote: »

I don't know where else to ask this. I'm 20 and i'm really starting to think i must be ugly. Guys never seem to approach me, anywhere. My friends seem to always get guys and they always
have boyfriends, whereas i'm always the single one. It knocks my confidence knowing i can't really get a guy. I don't know if this is just in my head but guys do seem to stare at me, friends that i've been with notice this too when we're out and about but most of the time i just think they're staring because i'm ugly or they're not really staring at all!

The weird thing is, i have joined a dating site just to see where i stand and i do seem to get loads of guys messaging me etc, but i assume this happens to all girls. Alot of these guys are after one night stands.

It's really knocking my self esteem and i just feel really unattractive. Why would a girl never get approached?

Hi there, Im in the exact same dilemma

Im 20 too and I would say Im a pretty good looking guy who gets plenty of admiring glances from ladies but it just never leads anywhere for me and Ive never ever had a girlfriend. Im also probably the best looking of my group of friends but yet like you Im always the one who is single and struggles to get girls

At the moment theres this girl in work who was definately attracted to me and I to her but now I feel thats run its course too for some reason. Its horrible and its frustrating OP and I know exactly how you feel

Lazerwolf

Maybe you need to approach the guys instead of waiting for them to approach you.

brianregan09

I'd ask you out just based on you're posts but thats just me

beks101

Yeah Irish lads aren't great at the whole "Hi, I'm Dave, I saw you from across the room and had to introduce myself".

I felt a lot like you OP when I lived in Ireland. Didn't help that I didn't have many male friends so the usual Irish scenario of meeting-a-friend-of-a-friend-at-a-house-party situation didn't crop up too often. That and if I did go to that house party, I'd be the chick staring at my shoes in the corner, constantly adjusting my top and wondering why no-one was noticing me, not exactly an enticing option for a chat or a giggle, let alone an approach. That kind of insecurity is pervasive, it actively takes you off people's radar. People want to feel comfortable, relaxed around you; that just makes them feel on edge.

I moved abroad in my mid twenties, BAM men staring at me and approaching me all over the shop, not because I'm a big ride (which of course I am ) but because 1. in a general sense, Irish men are not nearly as forward as they tend to be elsewhere and we tend to be a lot more "equal opportunities" about any sort of approach and 2. I was abroad and living the life of riley, out meeting new people and seeing new places and generally far less self conscious because I was too busy enjoying myself to care about who thought or didn't think I was cute.

Try to change your mindset, because the fact is that there's not going to be any kind of massive culture change where all of a sudden the men will start stampeding towards you. We don't work like that. I've seen in with Irish men. My male mates will chat to me about it. They'll observe from afar and decide 'nah, no chance mate' at any chance they get. She's got a boyfriend, she'll tell me to fcuk off, I'll be interrupting her night.

You have no god given right to be approached by men by virtue of the fact that you have a vagina, and that sort of mentality is a surefire way of keeping the men away too. They'll sense a stand-off, a self-consciousness, a sense of self entitlement and use it as a reason to stay away.

Think about it. Imagine you're at a party and someone is standing in the corner expecting people to come over and make their best offer, because they're too awesome to make any effort themselves - are you going to go and try to have the craic with them? Like feck you are. You're going to think "hard work" and move on.

Be that person that goes out to meet new people and have a good night with no greater motives. Be the person that smiles all the time, introduces themselves to everyone they see, asks people about themselves, pokes fun at anyone and everyone. Talk to every lad you see, regardless of whether you fancy them or not. Befriend them, engage them, ask them about themselves. Be a people person. And if you like someone, smile and tease and laugh a bit more. Give people reason to approach you and they will.

LegacyUser

My point is neither here nor there really, just that there is no correlation between how often guys approach you and how pretty you are, or how confident you are etc. It could be anything.
I'm 25 years old, I'm pretty, confident, intelligent, funny (also incredibly flawed, obviously, but that's not the point of the post). I neveeeer get approached by guys. Occasionally it happens, it's usually either the sleazy ones or somebody I've already spoken too...but even then I can't remember the last time it happened. It does suck sometimes, it must be great to be able to beckon a guy with your eyelashes like other girls do but I guess it's not for everyone. I have no idea why. Maybe I'm not as pretty as I think, maybe I give off weird vibes, maybe I smell or only shy boys are attracted to me? I don't know it doesn't really make a difference. I worked on my confidence a lot during my early 20s. I used to be so much like you, didn't have a clue how to approach a boy or what I'd say to him. Moving a lot and having male friends helped; but really it's just a case of "fake it 'till you make it." and not pinning your self-worth to how others might perceive you; you could be the most beautiful girl in the world and still someone's just not going to be into you.

For what's it's worth, I do sometime ask boys why they didn't approach me, it's usually something along the lines of "You looked cool and intimidating" but as a secondary teacher I know for a fact that I look like a complete pushover so I don't believe that for a second.

blatantrereg

Probably means you come across as closed, not open. Good looks make a closed-looking person less approachable, not more, because it makes them more intimidating/more likely to be unimpressed.

aidanki

so how do you give off good vibes, and what can you do to improve yourself sounds like the right question to ask at this stage

Its a mix of tone of voice, and body language.........but can someone offer pointers on how to give off good vibes please

blatantrereg

Alternatively don't worry about not getting approached in pubs and clubs and investigate other ways of meeting people. Finding a social activity based on some personal interest would allow you to meet people with similar interests. Pubs and clubs don't suit everyone especially when it comes to meeting new people. They're ideal for very open very outgoing people. Changing your approach to suit yourself makes more sense than changing yourself to suit your approach.