What's the best insult ya ever heard?

Niall558

Whether its the least threatening or funniest.


Mine was this.

Two ballyer lads having a go at each other, until one of them loses his cool and says "shup you or I'll put you in a wooden onesie."

It took a couple of seconds to process, but a wooden onesie is a coffin.

galljga1

"Your ignorance is only exceeded by your arrogance"
A very intelligent insult recently paraphrased by our current president who himself was rather unintelligently called a "little midget parasite" by some very nice people.

keysersoze0330

Two lads arguing in the pub about 10 years ago. One told the other that the best part of him 'had ran down the side off his mother's leg'. Fisticuffs ensued.

Thought it quite the insult at the time. Funny when I think back on it now.

Niall558

keysersoze0330 wrote:

Two lads arguing in the pub about 10 years ago. One told the other that the best part of him 'had ran down the side off his mother's leg'. Fisticuffs ensued.

keysersoze0330 wrote:

Thought it quite the insult at the time. Funny when I think back on it now.

God damn that was good....

tallus

I hope your rabbit dies and you can't sell his hutch. Not particularly insulting but I found it to be quite funny.

Timberrrrrrrr

Ye've a head like a Volkswagon beetle with the doors left open.

clappyhappy

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

Ye've a head like a Volkswagon beetle with the doors left open.

That is brilliant, unfortunately someone I know came straight to mind. Love it!!

clappyhappy

Young farmer chatting up one of my friends years ago, she kept rebuffing him. Went on for ages, he eventually said to her, "do you ate hay", he asked her a few times, "do you ate hay"? "No" she said "I don't eat hay", he then says to her, "well you're the first fcuking cow I've met that doesn't ate hay" and then walked away.Nearly fell off the chair!! Priceless.

The Dark Side

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Sam Kade

clappyhappy wrote: »

Young farmer chatting up one of my friends years ago, she kept rebuffing him. Went on for ages, he eventually said to her, "do you ate hay", he asked her a few times, "do you ate hay"? "No" she said "I don't eat hay", he then says to her, "well you're the first fcuking cow I've met that doesn't ate hay" and then walked away.Nearly fell off the chair!! Priceless.

Seeing that you put ancient jokes into real life situations here's another one
A man asked a girl out to dance at the local nightclub she said you're drunk he replied you're ugly but I'll be sober in the morning

Or the man that put a request on the radio for Kitty his grandmother who was ill, the presenter said and now we have a request for kitty who is 111.

Lombardo86

When dealing with someone who is a little slow on the uptake or annoying you..

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you!!

A cow called Daisy

Heard shouted at ref at football match while also questioning his parentage

"Ya f**king hurr's bas*ard. I'll slash the tyres on your house.

The_Valeyard

Geography teacher to one of the lads: You have two brain cells in that head of yours and they literally spend their time beating the ****e out of each other.

galljga1

A long long time ago while at school, a friend of mine was called a homocide.

chakotha

"If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now are you gonna help me or are you gonna stand there like a slab of meat with mittens?"

Steve Martin to Cab dispatcher in Planes, Trains & Automobiles.

Bridge93

Heard on a night out one lad say to another 'I'd call you a c**t but you don't have the warmth or depth.'

Duggy747

"You are an indescribably miserable loafer and a maladjusted chronically flatulent depraved orgy of subhuman indecency."

Many a monocle were dropped that night.

clappyhappy

Sam Kade wrote: »

Seeing that you put ancient jokes into real life situations here's another one .

That is not a joke, it happened at a macra na feirme dance in adare about 20 years ago, I did post it here a few years ago in a similar thread, so why it may be familiar to you

Dramatik

"**** off you plum!" the guy who was being insulted happened to have particularly rosey cheeks.

Autumn Moon

Awwwh,.. it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.

Reoil

"You're so ****ing stupid, you'd start a thread that's been done to death about 10 times already."

messrs

Not the best one but one that stuck in my head

"At least I have a birth cert & not an apology from Durex"

jimgoose

"That fella is the two ends of an asses' tool!" -- heard recently down t'Woolpack. :pac:

_Brian

Being told your English.

On holidays in Malta years ago.

Walking down the street and there were plenty if chuggers about, one starts talking to a couple just ahead of us.
Chugger: are you English
Scot: no I'm Scottish
Chugger: same thing mate
What followed was a barrage of insults and slaps to the chugger.

Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea

jimgoose

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Geography teacher to one of the lads: You have two brain cells in that head of yours and they literally spend their time beating the ****e out of each other.

:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac: Oh Cheeses...

Your family tree is a cactus, because everybody on it is a prick.

PARlance

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Geography teacher to one of the lads: You have two brain cells in that head of yours and they literally spend their time beating the ****e out of each other.

Geography teacher to one of the lads: if you shut up, I can only assume you're a thick.

Sam Kade

clappyhappy wrote: »

That is not a joke, it happened at a macra na feirme dance in adare about 20 years ago, I did post it here a few years ago in a similar thread, so why it may be familiar to you

Silly me I did read it here, sorry about that.

osarusan

On another forum, during a heated debate, a poster ended their angry post with the memorable words 'so bite me sac.'

I laughed at that one again and again.

Brancott

"I eat sh*t like you for breakfast"

"You eat sh*t for breakfast ?"

Zillah

clappyhappy wrote: »

Young farmer chatting up one of my friends years ago, she kept rebuffing him. Went on for ages, he eventually said to her, "do you ate hay", he asked her a few times, "do you ate hay"? "No" she said "I don't eat hay", he then says to her, "well you're the first fcuking cow I've met that doesn't ate hay" and then walked away.Nearly fell off the chair!! Priceless.

There's nothing worse than a man who gets angry at a woman because she isn't charmed by him. Pathetic.