Davina McCall: keeping your husband happy

Precious flower

Source: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/davina-mccall-ignites-feminist-backlash-after-declaring-women-should-keep-their-husbands-sexually-satisfied-or-risk-adultery-10288537.html

This was mentioned in the newspaper this morning and it seems to have caused a split of opinion and significant backlash. Do you think Davina McCall was correct? From what I can gleam it seems to me that she is saying that lack of intimacy can often lead to marriage breakdown, though I think it is only natural for sex to take a back seat to some extent when young children come into the picture.

“Can't really believe I am discussing this... And every single woman I know feels the same.Really what my mum was saying, and I also believe, is that if intimacy goes, for months, or a year, then it’s super hard to get back and it becomes 'a thing'.”

I think that comment is a fair point. Sometimes couples get into a rut and if there is no effort from EITHER parties to reignite that, then it can continue in the long term.

However, I do disagree with her next comment that

“You must keep your husband satisfied in the bedroom department, even if you’re absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he will go somewhere else.”

I think she probably could have phrased that differently. I certainly think that is not an excuse or a reason for a man to stray. If a man is cheating than there are bigger problems in the marriage. Any man with any respect would either talk about it and try to resolve it, or end the marriage in my opinion. I hope she was maybe referring more so to the fact that the it leads to the marriage ending, as opposed to the husband cheating. I guess the real reason for such backlash is down to the fact that she places no responsibility on the man to maintain the relationship, assuming that the lack of interest/unwillingness to engage in intimacy comes from the woman.

In her defense she wrote

“Sometimes, especially when the kids were very young and I was super tired, this was the last thing on my mind… has he ever coerced or pressured me? NO!!! But have I ever started feeling tired and finished feeling very happy? Yes!!”

I can kind of see her point here - making an sustained effort even when she felt otherwise to keep the relationship alive, especially when so often as children come into the picture. I suppose it's just like keeping fit or making an effort to maintain good appearance in order allow yourself and your relationship, to stay fresh. However it may have been wiser for her to also put some onus on the man and his role in a relationship and what he should do to maintain it as well. It seems to me that's the root of the backlash.

In summary:

McCall was accused of perpetuating regressive gender stereotypes while putting the needs of men ahead of the sexual agency of women:

Do you think this is a fair assessment, or just blowing the situation and her comments out of proportion?

meeeeh

Meh. The only reason Davinna McCall is "authority" on this is because it works for her for the last 15 years. It might not work for somebody else but it is enough for people to get outraged about her statements. And it is important to get outraged nowadays.

Confucius say

Surely it works both ways. Isn't a woman as likely to look elsewhere if sex is gone?

CaraMay

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping your partner happy.

discus

It's entirely the same conversely. Men also have to put in some sort of effort. I don't see what the drama is.

lazybones32

I think she was correct in the gist of what she said. Women sacrifice to keep their Men happy; Men sacrifice to keep their Women happy. This isn't a sign of oppression, it's an essential ingredient to a successful relationship.

The only "backlash" is from those who trawl articles seeking something to be offended by.