Differentiating between *Marriage* types?

peking97

So now that all the hullabaloo is over have any of you good people given any thought as to how we might differentiate between these two types of *Marriage*?

Milly33

Someone actually suggested joking a Harriage and a Garriage, saves people asking questions...

Mrs OBumble

Why do we need to differentiate between them? I kinda thought that not differentiating was the point, like ...

lazygal

Why would there be a need to? I don't have a 'different' marriage to anyone else, once its a legally binding marriage recognised by the state, that's all you need to be married.

billythefish99

peking97 wrote: »

So now that all the hullabaloo is over have any of you good people given any thought as to how we might differentiate between these two types of *Marriage*?

What a stupid post, there is now no difference between them, thats the point.

Milly33

It is and it isn't, bet you anything this will be the next thing...

Like lets say you met someone who says oh I got married last week etc and you are all oh that is great, I want to keep in contact with you after this. You get their address and send them a card to say congratulations or an invite to some event, unless that person has turned around and told you, you would more than likely say Mr & Mrs..

And before its is said I am delighted with the yes vote. it is just a thing that is going to be asked

pooch90

But there are plenty of Congratulations cards that don't specify any genders already.

Milly33

I know but if you addressing it and if you didn't know you would just think mr and mrs or wife.. Sure people will be asking questions about everything, I think there will be a lot of questions like this now coming out in the next year....

miamee

If you know someone well enough to be congratulating them and sending them a card for their wedding - you're likely going to know if they are married to a man or a woman.

Malari

Milly33 wrote: »

I know but if you addressing it and if you didn't know you would just think mr and mrs or wife.. Sure people will be asking questions about everything, I think there will be a lot of questions like this now coming out in the next year....

So you know someone well enough to send them a card, but not well enough to know if they married a man or a woman. And in the conversation where they TOLD you they were married, they managed to omit any names or gender-specific pronouns?! Come on...

Sunny Dayz

peking97 wrote: »

So now that all the hullabaloo is over have any of you good people given any thought as to how we might differentiate between these two types of *Marriage*?

Emm I thought that's what the whole point of the voting and the referendum was that there would be NO difference between straight and gay marriages!

eviltwin

I don't understand why it matters? If in future I meet someone I don't know who mentions they are married I will just refer to their spouse. If they want to go into more detail than that it's up to them.

peking97

billythefish99 wrote: »

What a stupid post, there is now no difference between them, thats the point.

Well I'm afrraid I beg to differ. There most certainly is a world of difference between them as far as I'm concerned.

eviltwin

peking97 wrote: »

Well I'm afrraid I beg to differ. There most certainly is a world of difference between them as far as I'm concerned.

That's your problem. Someone's sexual orientation is none of your business.

Milly33

It was more for an example using sending a card. There are plenty of thing like applying for rent allowance or any stuff like that. Until people get used to the questions will come up

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't understand why it matters? If in future I meet someone I don't know who mentions they are married I will just refer to their spouse. If they want to go into more detail than that it's up to them.

A couple I know are civil partnered and one of them mentioned how wonderful and secure and empowering it will be to be able to introduce his "husband" as opposed to his "partner".

Personally, I think it will be a lot clearer now that the word "partner" (which has several definitions and interpretations) doesn't have to be bandied about.

Milly33

Partner have to say I don't like that word, it just reminds me of partner in set dancing or something very serious... Always used manfriend myself and when we upgraded it went to fancyman

Triceratops Ballet

there is no difference between the two its all marriage.

The "problem" is with people making assumptions. I can't tell you how many times on boards I see people assuming a poster is male or female (generally I've noted people project their own gender on other posters) this is the same, all people have to do is stop making assumptions, or thinking of themselves as the definition of "normal"...the jig is up lads...normal is not a real thing!

and even if you do wrongly assume that someone is in a hetro marriage when in fact they're in an ssm, yeah it'll be a bit of a blush situation for all of 10 seconds and then its over, you're not going to be put in jail for it!

ShazGV

As someone that works in a shop selling cards, I can assure you there are plenty of gender neutral wedding cards out there. Plus, it can always be addressed to the person you know eg "Dear John, wishing you & your partner years of happiness yadda yadda yadda".

There's no need to differentiate between any marriages, they're all the same.

folamh

peking97 wrote: »

So now that all the hullabaloo is over have any of you good people given any thought as to how we might differentiate between these two types of *Marriage*?

Would you care to elaborate on what you mean?

jobbridge4life

peking97 wrote: »

So now that all the hullabaloo is over have any of you good people given any thought as to how we might differentiate between these two types of *Marriage*?

Are you joking. There is one type of marriage. This really isn't that hard to get ones head around.

dr strangelove

Yep - Married/ Not Married

There ya go.

jobbridge4life

peking97 wrote: »

Well I'm afrraid I beg to differ. There most certainly is a world of difference between them as far as I'm concerned.

Oh well guess what the Constitution doesn't so suck it up.

irish_dave_83

I get Millie point, no harm meant.

So if you know both people who are married, both of the same sex. And one of them have taken the others name(lets just say Murphy). You wish to send a christmas card.

How do you address it?

I've never had to do it yet, so I'm not sure. If it was a hetro marriage I would address it Mr & Mrs Murphy.

Just wondering.

Malari

irish_dave_83 wrote: »

I get Millie point, no harm meant.

So if you know both people who are married, both of the same sex. And one of them have taken the others name(lets just say Murphy). You wish to send a christmas card.

How do you address it?

I've never had to do it yet, so I'm not sure. If it was a hetro marriage I would address it Mr & Mrs Murphy.

Just wondering.

Plenty of hetero marriages don't use the same name. Just use both full names. Or one name and address it to both first names in the card.

If this is the biggest problem people have...

irish_dave_83

Malari wrote: »

Plenty of hetero marriages don't use the same name. Just use both full names. Or one name and address it to both first names in the card.

If this is the biggest problem people have...

I know they dont, but what if they do take the same surname. Im not overly worried about it, I'm just asking a genuine question, so get down off the horse and relax. If there is no correct way to do it yet thats fine, I was just wondering if there was. :rolleyes:

jobbridge4life

irish_dave_83 wrote: »

I get Millie point, no harm meant.

So if you know both people who are married, both of the same sex. And one of them have taken the others name(lets just say Murphy). You wish to send a christmas card.

How do you address it?

I've never had to do it yet, so I'm not sure. If it was a hetro marriage I would address it Mr & Mrs Murphy.

Just wondering.

Mr and Mr? Mrs and Mrs? that seems a bit clunkey to me so i would probably choose the couples firstnames or maybe something like 'to the murphys'

irish_dave_83

jobbridge4life wrote: »

Mr and Mr? Mrs and Mrs? that seems a bit clunkey to me so i would probably choose the couples firstnames or maybe something like 'to the murphys'

Yea "The Murphys" sounds good, might use that should I ever need to.

Milly33

What about Y'all!! that could work... Again don't take thing to seriously peeps tis just some talk... Which again is actually really good imagine years ago your wouldn't even be able to mention it...

Malari

irish_dave_83 wrote: »

I know they dont, but what if they do take the same surname. Im not overly worried about it, I'm just asking a genuine question, so get down off the horse and relax. If there is no correct way to do it yet thats fine, I was just wondering if there was. :rolleyes:

My second paragraph wasn't directed at you, that probably wasn't clear.

I just don't see the OP come back and say why he needs to differentiate the type of marriage anyway. This etiquette question seems to be the only concern people have, which is a good thing! :-)

mapaca

irish_dave_83 wrote: »

Yea "The Murphys" sounds good, might use that should I ever need to.

Or "To John and Martin Murphy"

Same way you would address a straight couple with the same surname.

Cos it's the same thing now. A married couple is a married couple.

mapaca

mapaca wrote: »

Or "To John and Martin Murphy"

Same way you would address a straight couple with the same surname.

Cos it's the same thing now. A married couple is a married couple.

+ 1000

Enough said.

peking97

folamh wrote: »

Would you care to elaborate on what you mean?

Of course. I mean SSM vs OSM.

John Mason

I haven't taken my husband's surname. Most we get have either just our first name or both our full names.

It's hardly rocket

John Mason

I haven't taken my husband's surname. Most cards we get have either just our first name or both our full names.

It's hardly rocket science.

jjC123

peking97 wrote: »

Of course. I mean SSM vs OSM.

But differentiate in what sense?
Gay people and straight people can now get married, both marriages are equal in the eyes of the law. I'm not having a go I'm genuinely confused about what you're trying to differentiate between?

peking97

jjC123 wrote: »

But differentiate in what sense?
Gay people and straight people can now get married, both marriages are equal in the eyes of the law. I'm not having a go I'm genuinely confused about what you're trying to differentiate between?

Oh yes I know they'll be considered equal in the eyes of the law but I mean in everyday conversation how do we describe the different scenarios?
In the last week alone when I was asked about marital status I replied *Married* but very quickly added *to a woman*. I feel I shouldn't have to add this as my marriage pre-dates the revised definition.

lazygal

peking97 wrote: »

Oh yes I know they'll be considered equal in the eyes of the law but I mean in everyday conversation how do we describe the different scenarios?
In the last week alone when I was asked about marital status I replied *Married* but very quickly added *to a woman*. I feel I shouldn't have to add this as my marriage pre-dates the revised definition.

If you feel.you shouldn't have to add it why would you? Would it bother you if people thought you might be married to someone of the same sex?

peking97

lazygal wrote: »

Would it bother you if people thought you might be married to someone of the same sex?

Most definately it would!

eviltwin

peking97 wrote: »

Most definately it would!

Grow up

jjC123

peking97 wrote: »

Most definately it would!

Why? Anyone who knows you will know you're married to a woman. Anyone who's getting to know you will figure it out the same way you figure out anyones relationship status as you get to know them.
"Any plans for the summer?"
"Myself and the husband/wife/partner/boyfriend/kids/stepkids are going to Spain in July"

Anyone who doesn't know you doesn't care/ would have no reason to know.

lazygal

peking97 wrote: »

Most definately it would!

You're easily bothered so. I was out last Friday night with a friend. Couldn't have cared less if people thought we were a couple.

westernlass

peking97 wrote: »

Most definately it would!

This comment makes me so frustrated with Irish society. The referendum proved at 62% of us get it

Triceratops Ballet

peking97 wrote:

Most definately it would!

Grow up, other people thinking you're gay has zero actual impact on your life, and saying it does implies that you think that being gay is somehow wrong or shameful.

Sometimes people might think I'm a lesbian maybe I am, maybe im not, here are all the fcuks i give about other peoples perceptions of me













Care less what other ppl think, there's a good life lesson for you

matrim

Marriage will be marriage but I think there might be some new phrases in the lead up around some wedding things. E.g. it might be more common to have 2 best men / Maid of Honour, so there might be some new way to differentiate which side they are on. Or as a couple of my friends did before their civil partnership, instead of calling it a joint hen for both of them they called it a hag

Dolbert

peking97 wrote: »

Oh yes I know they'll be considered equal in the eyes of the law but I mean in everyday conversation how do we describe the different scenarios?
In the last week alone when I was asked about marital status I replied *Married* but very quickly added *to a woman*. I feel I shouldn't have to add this as my marriage pre-dates the revised definition.

The best way around this is to follow up every sentence about your marriage with 'no homo'. They'll soon see how secure you are in your sexuality.*



*no homo

lazygal

Better yet, get some t-shirts printed. "NOT A GAY MAN" on them or something.

peking97

westernlass wrote: »

This comment makes me so frustrated with Irish society. The referendum proved at 62% of us get it

Don't see why it should frustrate you.
Do you reckon it's now so good to be gay that we should all aspire towards it?
...and what of the other 38% ? ...where's the inclusivity we heard so much about in the run-up to the vote?...or has that now evaporated once the Yes side won the day?

peking97

lazygal wrote: »

Better yet, get some t-shirts printed. "NOT A GAY MAN" on them or something.

Good one! ...but it concentrates too much on the sexuality whereas my concern is more the use of the word Marriage.

I suppose I could always go with Dolbert's idea for the T-shirt slogan!:D

lazygal

peking97 wrote: »

Don't see why it should frustrate you.
Do you reckon it's now so good to be gay that we should all aspire towards it?
...and what of the other 38% ? ...where's the inclusivity we heard so much about in the run-up to the vote?...or has that now evaporated once the Yes side won the day?

The 38% who don't want gay marriage won't be affected in way. They don't have to get married if they don't want to.

jobbridge4life

peking97 wrote: »

Good one! ...but it concentrates too much on the sexuality whereas my concern is more the use of the word Marriage.

I suppose I could always go with Dolbert's idea for the T-shirt slogan!:D

But your concern is that now gay men can get married. So it is entirely to do with sexuality.