Grabbing sister will ruin me!

LegacyUser

I just don't know where to start on this but I've been driven crazy by my sister these last two weeks. And it is now starting to cause serious problems within our family. I'm the younger brother and there is only me and my sister who is 31. I'm 27.

A few weeks ago a very desirable house came on the market in our locality and immediately my sister began her interest in it and went to auctioneers etc. She has my parents convinced it is a great house to buy, despite it costing €140k, I think myself it is overpriced by €50k but nevertheless.

A background into my sister, she is the epitome of an idiot, she is my sister and I love her very much but she has made some very bad choices in life. She has been dating an alcoholic idiot for the last ten years. He has absolutely no interest in marrying her and is basically sponging of her, they have been living together for over 6 years in rented accommodation and he drinks over €100 per week, and smokes €70 per week (20 a day).

My sister smokes €70 a week also and she'd drink €50-€60 easily with a big night on the weekend and often out one or two nights weeknights also especially if shes on a late shift the following day. My sister works full time and earns around €400 per week, her alcoholic boyfriend is a farmer but spends more time in the pub than in the farm. They rent currently and pay €100 per week. So their combined wasted outgoings each week is €400 on cigarettes, booze and rent.

I know my sister has around €25,000 saved, which is pathetic considering she has been working since is 17 and worked through college at weekends etc. she has always been working very hard but wastes nearly every cent.

So she tried getting a mortgage approved and the bank (Bank of Ireland) decided they would only lend her €45,000 over 35 years at 4.5%, that €45,000 will see her repaying over €160,000, thats absolutely insane but she seems to think its no problem, as I say she has absolutely no brain when it comes to finances. So the house is costing €140k (€145k in reality by time solictors etc. are paid). Her plan is to borrow this €45k and put her €25k savings and to get my mother and father to pay the other half €70,000. The sickening thing for me is that are all too willing to go along with this. I am completely and totally against giving her such a big handout which will never be repaid. Her boyfriend is contributing nothing despite they being together ten years, he is such a waster I swear.

To put this in contrast, I myself wanted to buy a house in March which was on the market for €85k, I have over €50k savings and was going to sell my car which would have raised €10k, car worth €12k but would replace with cheap runaround. I asked my mother and father if they'd lend me €25k to close the funding shortfall and I'd repay them at a generous 6% interest rate. I'm self employed and sometimes unemployed due to the nature of my work so wouldn't get a mortgage. My girlfriends father would have put up the shortfall but I just couldn't accept it and I didn't want my girlfriend to contribute either as I wasn't 100% sure about her as we were going out less than a year and we subsequently split up mutually.

The house in question sold aferwards for €82k and I lost out on it because I was short €20k which I wanted to borrow from my parents. They didn't refuse me but started immediately finding faults with the house especially the €300 per year Estate Management fees. It was obvious they didn't want to give me the money so I didn't pursue it aggressively in the same way as my sister is doing for this house now. Its their money they worked hard for and I know they have around €400k saved. However the way my sister is behaving is a disgrace and is forcing my parents into bankrolling her a house for her and the useless alcoholic boyfriend.

I am seething with rage over this, I should be set to inherit this and my sister should not get it. She got the college education, a brand new 2005 car on her 21st Birthday costing €25k, me I got nothing, I got no college education, I got a 10 year old car, which I paid half of and I still drive it today and love it and I cherish. My sister seized the engine of the 2005 last year and my father and I were in the UK at the time and brought her back a second hand diesel car costing €7,800, she never repaid my father €1,800 and she still owes me €4k and is very slow to repay it. Only for my mother applying pressure I wouldn't have got the last €500 repayment last month. My mother even paid the €200 road tax on it in January for her, ironically my own tax of €514 was up the same time and there no offer to help pay mine. She earning €400 a week and I on €90 a week dole at the time, €50 of which I give to my mother when I'm at home. I busted my guts on building sites since I was 16 and our family farm helping my father in my spare time and every singleday if I was unemployed at the time, yet I get treated like a dogsbody. I went to Australia and spent two years there and managed to save alot often working 80 hour weeks, I spent another year in New Zealand and I came back her in 2013 thinking I'd buy a house and that with my father retired he'd sign over the farm to me. Some dream hah!

I swear I'm so angry I'm trying to do the right things in my life, I don't drink or smoke and I have no life always living miserly trying to do the right thing to save yet my sister looks like she is about to pull the wool over my fathers eyes and hoodwink him for seventy grand, seventy grand of what should be my inheritance.

Emme

OP I can see that you're very angry. You have done very well for yourself so far. Would you consider going abroad again and making a life yourself outside of Ireland? Life is too short to carry grudges against family and to wait for an inheritance that might never come.

You are also being very hard on your sister. She has saved €25,000 in Ireland and it is hard to save here. If her boyfriend is sponging off her as you say then that would make it even more difficult for her to save. Your sister might see things in a different way. You got to go abroad and travel to Australia and NZ, I presume she didn't go anywhere. Maybe that was her choice or maybe your parents didn't want her to go away.

It is your choice if you don't want to smoke or drink but that is not everyone's choice. Perhaps you would be less angry if you "lived" a bit more.

I think that it is best to plough your own furrow in life. An inheritance might seem like a good thing but if you look more closely there is always a price to pay. This price can be fractious family relationships or feeling that you have to stick around and take abuse from the family members who have the property.

You are only 27 - still young enough to get work in Australia, NZ or Canada if you wish. Perhaps you would make more money out there than you are making now and you might have a better chance of buying a house independently.

ManOfMystery

Wow. Not quite sure where to start with this one. But you're probably not going to like what my opinion on it is.

Your post comes across as extremely spiteful and full of resentment towards your sister, based purely on a sense of entitlement you seem to have.

anon-4-dis wrote: »

I think myself it is overpriced by €50k but nevertheless.

You think it's overpriced? Are you a property expert or have you had a proper valuation carried out on the house?

A background into my sister, she is the epitome of an idiot, she is my sister and I love her very much but she has made some very bad choices in life. She has been dating an alcoholic idiot for the last ten years. He has absolutely no interest in marrying her and is basically sponging of her, they have been living together for over 6 years in rented accommodation and he drinks over €100 per week, and smokes €70 per week (20 a day).

My sister smokes €70 a week also and she'd drink €50-€60 easily with a big night on the weekend and often out one or two nights weeknights also especially if shes on a late shift the following day. My sister works full time and earns around €400 per week, her alcoholic boyfriend is a farmer but spends more time in the pub than in the farm. They rent currently and pay €100 per week. So their combined wasted outgoings each week is €400 on cigarettes, booze and rent.

That's an almost unhealthy knowledge of how they spend their money. What business is it of yours exactly? You seem to look down your nose because they go out, or drink/smoke - all of which you class as 'wastage'. Not everyone considers a social life to be a waste!

I know my sister has around €25,000 saved, which is pathetic considering she has been working since is 17 and worked through college at weekends etc. she has always been working very hard but wastes nearly every cent.

If she has €25k saved, how can she have wasted nearly every cent?

I know numerous, numerous 31yr olds who have €0 saved. Zilch. Considering the recession and everything that's happened over the last few years, €25k isn't bad going. Just because you're younger and have saved more doesn't give you the right to diminish her efforts to save.

Her boyfriend is contributing nothing despite they being together ten years, he is such a waster I swear.

Again, what her boyfriend contributes to their house purchase is between them and really no business of yours.

My sister seized the engine of the 2005 last year and my father and I were in the UK at the time and brought her back a second hand diesel car costing €7,800, she never repaid my father €1,800 and she still owes me €4k and is very slow to repay it

So you class her as an idiot financially, but still decided to pay towards a car for her? Why enable her?

I am seething with rage over this, I should be set to inherit this and my sister should not get it.

And herein lies the crux of the problem, IMO. You have a sense of entitlement towards your parents money and seem hugely aggrieved that some portion of it is going towards your sister, and not being spent in a manner which you deem wise.

Newsflash : it's not your money. It's your parents money. What they do with it is entirely up to them and nothing to do with you at all.

When they pass on - and I hope it's not for many years - and if they have made provisions for you in their will, then that will become your money. But you are no more 'entitled' to it than I am. You have convinced yourself that there is a pot of money sitting with your name on it and a clocking somewhere is ticking until its yours, and its this obsession with money you have already claimed in your head that is opening up a rift between you and your sister.

And in any event, any inheritance is likely to be split between you and your sister anyhow is it not? Why do you feel this is 'your' money that's being used and not hers?

Your sister does not sound perfect by any means, but neither does she seem like the conniving schemer that you're painting her as. I think you need to take a good long look at your views on the family's assets. There are multiple threads in this forum from broken families who fell out over money and land, and your post sounds like an intro to that chapter in your life. Live your own life, and if you are lucky enough to come an inheritance then treat it as as you would a lottery win - sitting there waiting for it and expecting it is only fueling your resentment and aggression.

bjork

me and my sister who is 31. I'm 27.

At this age why are you still so entrenched in each others affairs?

Time to get over the sibling rivalry.


You sister affairs with your parents are their business and your relationship with them is yours.

I should be set to inherit this and my sister should not get it.

What your parents do with their money is their business. Waiting for them to die and counting the money they are spending when alive is no way to be living.

manonboard

hello poster

I am very sorry to hear that you are so angry about your sister's circumstances and behaviour. although I empathize with you and I would likely be feeling the same feelings if it was in my family. I think you have got yourself in so deep into a grudge against your sister and her way of life and how easy it appears that she has obtained assets and chances that you yourself have have to work for. I think this has greatly clouded your judgement and is the source of your frustration and issue with your sister. although she is likely taking the piss with your parents, your parents are grown people who were able to make a decision as they were able to make a decision about not lending you money. I think this issue has become very personalized for you and you are judging your sister when you should be allowed her to live her own life. she is trying the very best she can and does not need anyone else judging her. Their drinking and smoking habits are none of your business. I would be inclined to live my life the same way as you, however that does not mean that all people should. These things are social life and pleasurable activities such as drinking and smoking for most people are the pleasure that they enjoy each day. they do not need to be judged. I think you have gain a sense of entitlement over future money from your parents death and you see this as your sister taking some of it. you seem very judgemental and personal about these issues. if you do decide to get involved you should understand that you're involvement only acceptable if either of the other parties wish you to be involved and wish your counsel and advice otherwise it is none of your business and you should leave them alone. if you think your sister is in some way crossing a big boundary with your parents gently sit down and calmly explain the position to your parents and then leave them alone. you seem to look down your nose at some of your family members perhaps you are more intelligent rational and logical than most of them but this does not give you the right to dictate their lives. I hope you find Peace by being able to detach from this problem and Spend your energy bring more happiness into your own life so that you are not weighed down by other peoples behaviour and actions.

All the best op

ShowMeTheCash

anon-4-dis wrote:

So she tried getting a mortgage approved and the bank (Bank of Ireland) decided they would only lend her €45,000 over 35 years at 4.5%, that €45,000 will see her repaying over €160,000,

Hmmm I take it math not a strong subject with you.

45K over 35 years at 4.5 will work out around 90K maybe just over.
That being said a 35 year term is crazy!

Neyite

Which one of you do you plan on being the one to be a carer for your parents when they need it OP? Maybe they are helping her now because there is an understanding that she will be their carer, and want to see her have some financial security in exchange for that? Maybe while you were away abroad she has provided company for them, did the little errands and so on that they are very grateful for and want to acknowledge that?

You seem to have such rigid gender assumptions - I'm confused in that you resent her getting some of what you perceive to be your 'half' yet you expect to inherit the farm in its entirety as the male heir in addition to that half?

Ultimately its not your money. Or your sisters money. It belongs to your parents and they can bequeath it to an animal charity if they feel so inclined.

Its no harm to have a discussion with your parents, see what their plans are with their money, but keep a lid on the anger, otherwise the discussion will not go well for you.

SF12

Good God.

Have you tracked every penny that she's ever spent/received over the years?

"Your inheritance"??

OP, you've got some serious issues with your sister. Firstly, the fact that you can quote every single amount with regards to incomes/borrowing/spending for your sister is very worrying. It says a lot about you. She's 31. I have 2 sisters and I can estimate how much the earn, gross - roughly. Beyond that I haven't a clue about their net income, their spending or their saving. Nor do I care. You shouldn't either.

25k savings is "pathetic"? Where have you been for the last 6 years? 25k savings is pretty impressive on a salary like hers. I have never had 25k in savings, and I certainly don't have a lifestyle like the one you describe. Nor am I bad with money.

"Your inheritance"? You are entitled to nothing I'm afraid. Furthermore, you have absolutely no way of knowing what will happen in the coming years. Your parents might need full time private home care. They may end up in a nursing home and spend every penny on the fees that that costs. (700eur a week, minimum, for one person). They may need extended medical care and their money may have to be spent on that. The farm may have to be sold to cover these costs. I'm sorry, but that's the unfortunate reality of growing old in Ireland (brutal though it is to describe). There may simply be nothing left come "inheritance" time, or worse - it may all be willed to someone else.

You really need to get over this OP. You have no right to anything that you talk about, and to be honest, you have a very unhealthy "interest" in your sister's and your parents' financial business. You sound terribly bitter and judgemental. Take a big step back from all of this and stop brooding over it. It's none of your business and it's only going to make you twisted and even more bitter to keep obsessing about it.

MrWalsh

You have an unhealthy interest in your adult sisters financial and romantic affairs.

You also have an unhealthy interest in your living parents financial affairs.

And an extreme sense of entitlement.

I would suggest that you live your own life and worry about your own finances and not be worrying about other peoples.

Flippyfloppy

So your sister has worked since 17, yet a college education, and saved 25k? And managed to spend the money on a social life too? fair play.

You really need to stop comparing how you are both treated by your parents. You also seem to be looking for validating off your parents that you are 'the good child' - Very rarely happens my friend.

As an aside did you ever think your 85k house was priced cheaply due to the fact there was associated management fees?

jimmycrackcorm

OP, at the end of your post I began to wonder if it was a sub plot of the movie "the field".

However, I do have some sympathy in that for some reason your parents seem willing to help your sister out towards a house but not you.

They may have excuses about the houses but the thing you need to talk to them is that they are treating both siblings differently and you deserve an explanation as that is unfair.

If you were to go for a house for almost twice the price you were looking at then would they have provided the rest of the money.

Btw I think they just want to keep you at home and that's why they didn't push it.

Rubberchikken

i realise it's difficult to see a sibling being helped when they seem to just skate by in life but at the end of the day what they do with thier lives/money is their business and your dad can decide what he wants to do with a farm/his money also.

get on with your life and leave them to it. your dad may feel a bit sorry for your sister, he may feel that she hasn't the ability to do what you're capable of. some parents are like that, helping out those they percieve to be the weakest. try not to take it to heart.

could you speak with your dad, let him know how you're feeling.?

take care

LegacyUser

I think if anyone needs a beer and packet of smokes its yourself OP. You seem obsessed with your sister and how she lives her life. 25k savings is pretty good on a meagre salary like hers and even better considering she spends lots on cigarettes and alcohol. There are plenty of 31 year olds earning double and triple and even more than she's on and have ZERO savings and alot of those 31 year olds have left the country to work abroad due to the lack of employment in this country.

You seem to have a deep resentment of your sister and her lifestyle. Thats her business and not yours op. As for your inheritance !! Talk about sense of entitlement, thats your parents money and how they spend it is up to them.

You really need to move away from the area altogether its not good for your mental health,

MouseTail

I think there are bigger issues at play here? Have you had a discussion with your parents about the farm, is there succession planning in place, do you have the green cert?

Your parents may not have wanted you to buy the house as they envsage you on the farm, and want to get your sister set up. Neither of you of course have an entitlement to anything, your parents can blow the lot on cruises if they desire.
An open discussion with your parents is called for. They may feel as if you are not mature enough yet to sign over the farm, and tbh given your rant I can see where they are coming from.

LegacyUser

I could have written your post OP! And I would say that it's a very hard dynamic to understand if you've never experienced it, so I won't be chiming in saying to relax because I lnow the utter rage that can boil up.

Two things I would say though. 1) Parents do they best they're able to. It doesn't make things fair or right but they do the best that they can. And if they want to enable your sister then they're entitled to do it. 2) Let it go or I swear it will eat you alive. You have to let it go, your welfare is more important than any of this. It really is. You have to separate yourself from thei situation and let them to it.

My sibling is married to a loser, neither have worked in years as they get more on the dole, my parents supplement their mortgage, they constantly hit my parents up for money, have no interest in bettering their lot and only show up when they want something. I work hard, look out for my parents and nursed one through a near-terminal illness (while my sibling and partner were 'too busy' to help). The reason I'm telling you this is because when I look at my own life my conscience is clear. I am able to do stuff for myself so I do. What my sibling does is their business.

Eric Cartman

"her boyfriends an alcoholic"
the amount of times I've heard that phrase banded about by non / seldom drinkers over a lad who drinks 2 days a week. Is he actually an alcoholic OP , or just an average person who likes a few jars at the weekend.

you seem to think that drink, smokes and renting are all a complete waste of money, but luckily its not your money to waste so forget about it.

Id agree your parents handing out money to your sister to such a large degree is not exactly fair, but unfortunately thats life, and judging by the house prices your quoting id say you live in a rural part of Ireland where the son (you) would likely get the farm anyway , if you don't upset the boat all the cars and deposits on houses in the world won't equal the value of a good farm. Also if your parents don't get your sister a house, where do you think she'll live when its your farm.

LegacyUser

I understand how you feel. I was in a similar position myself. I have a few siblings. I left home to get work a good number of years ago. I was always decent with the rest of my siblings. Over the space of a few years I watched them get money and other things from my parents. Meanwhile I seemed to be totally forgotten about in regards to this.


Like you I eventually got to a stage that I had enough of not knowing where I stood. I decided to speak to my parents. I mentioned x & y to them. I explained what I had seen in regards to the rest of the family and I wanted to know where I stood.
I glad I did this because I could make long term plans.

My feeling at this stage that you need to know where you stand with your parents in regards to the farm ect. I also feel you have spent years saving money without having much of a life. Yes having money is important but you need to have some enjoyment in your life also.
If your parents have not made a will or are not willing to chat to you about the future I would start to make your own plans and keep quite about them. If and when you get a job or a chance to travel you can decide what to do then.

If you decide to leave the farm and home you can be honest with them about why your going and you own long term plans.

CaraMay

You have no entitlement to your parents money and no right to decide how they spend it. Simples.

Mayboy

I'd like to ask you to take a long read of your post.

Do you see how caught up you are in your sisters life?
Do you see how hooked you are on 'proving' she gets more?
All of your energy seems to be making a case for how she 'gets it all'.

I suggest you look at you first - maybe see if you are suffering from low self esteem. I t can't be healthy to be living with that sort of negative stuff you are carrying around. How about you let her be her and you be you?

LegacyUser

Op, what you have described sounds like me and my brother, expect I am the sister. My Parents provide a lot for me than they do for my brother. I've had two cars, he has none. I get money handouts from them a lot. However my parents are very traditional and as I am female feel I need to be supported until I take a husband and my brother as a male is expected to be able to support himself. Would your parents be like that?
My brother lives a good bit away. So I am in the one who calls in to see my parents, do jobs for them so as others have said maybe that is why your sister gets help from them as she may have helped look after them?
Savings wise I'd say me and my brother have about 20 000 each, though that was a few years and now that we are living apart, I don't think it's right to know what he has! Do you feel competitive against your sister?

LegacyUser

Op, what you have described sounds like me and my brother, expect I am the sister. My Parents provide a lot for me than they do for my brother. I've had two cars, he has none. I get money handouts from them a lot. However my parents are very traditional and as I am female feel I need to be supported until I take a husband and my brother as a male is expected to be able to support himself. Would your parents be like that?
My brother lives a good bit away. So I am in the one who calls in to see my parents, do jobs for them so as others have said maybe that is why your sister gets help from them as she may have helped look after them?
Savings wise I'd say me and my brother have about 20 000 each, though that was a few years and now that we are living apart, I don't think it's right to know what he has! Do you feel competitive against your sister?

sullivlo

OP sounds like he knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.

How your parents decide to spend their money is none of your business.

I hope you find happiness at some stage OP.

anon-4-dis

You'll happily call your sister an idiot. You feel entitled to criticise her life choices. You also have no problem giving out about your parents, and complaining that they only paid for half of this, or none of that, or take €50 off you when you're living in their home. You assumed that when your father retired he'd sign the farm over to you and get upset that he didn't. You've managed to find out what everyone around you has, and you seem to think you deserve a cut of everything.

You say that your sister's wasted outgoings each week is €400 on cigarettes, booze and rent. That's not wasted money. That's earned money that your sister has chosen to spend as she sees fit. As is her right as a wage-earning adult.

anon-4-dis wrote: »

The sickening thing for me is that are all too willing to go along with this.

my sister looks like she is about to pull the wool over my fathers eyes and hoodwink him for seventy grand, seventy grand of what should be my inheritance.

Which is it - your parents are willing, or your sister is pulling the wool over their eyes? It's not hoodwinking when a consenting adult chooses to give their own property to another adult in need.

So your parents have 400k saved. Seems to me like that's probably their own money. I'd go as far as to say that they even have a choice about how to spend it. They're not obligated to count the pennies and scrimp and save just to keep your inheritance as large as possible.

And you say you're tired of doing all the right things like not drinking or smoking?? So suddenly unhealthy habits are not only morally wrong, but they're a good reason not to be loaned money? Sure, smoking and drinking aren't healthy, but neither is a Big Mac. Should banks be refusing mortgages to anyone who frequents McDonalds on account of their immorality?

I know this all sounds harsh, but if you're looking for helpful advice, the best I can give is a reality check. You're being completely unreasonable. A bit of jealousy is only human, but the amount of bitterness and spite you've built up over this is genuinely unhealthy. Your sister can live her life as she likes, she's not hurting anyone. Same goes for your parents. If there was a problem with the loan, your parents could have said no, but they didn't.

As for the comments about your inheritance, I'm pretty shocked. Your parents are alive. Don't count your chickens before they've hatched, especially when they're not even your own chickens. I for one hope your parents spend as much of their savings as they can, and live a happy, comfortable life as a result.

irishdude11

It sounds like you're in line for the farm, although you are unhappy that you have to wait until your father dies rather than just retires.

No wonder your parents are trying to help get your sister set up and help her out with a bit of cash. You're in line for property worth hundreds of thousands at a minimum. You were expecting your father to sign the farm over to you when he retired?..so you expected him to gift you hundreds of thousands worth of property, I assume you were going to insist he cut your sister in on half of that considering you are so concerned about fairness?

txt_mess

Op reading what you have written here I think there is actually two issues.

First your parents money / farm etc this isn't yours you have no reason to assume it will be left to you and what they do with it no matter how stupid is not your call.

On the second piece which is where you have my sympathy it's clear your parents don't recognise your hard work and effort , by the sound of it everything you have you have earned which you should be proud of. Your parents attitude may never change so you have to decide how to make this work for you I would personally say accept the way they are and flick that switch in your head to block out anything to do with their finances and just have a human connection to them but don't rely on them plan your life for yourself.

In the long run you don't need the stress and upset your causing yourself it may feel justified but it's doing you no favours.

CaraMay

Your trade is a builder op so why do you think the farm should be signed over to you. IMHO it should be left to both of you. The €400k isn't your inheritance, it's your parents money and god forbid, if both of them end up in nursing homes for 5/6/7 years there won't be much of it left.

It sounds to me like you've had a very charmed existence because, otherwise, you would know what no amount of money should come between you and your family.

Tbh your attitude sickens me. The greed is palpable in your post. Life is short op and if you keep up alienating people like your sister, it could be a long lonely life

ladygirl

Op your bitterness is shocking!!!!

Your sister and her boyfriend sound like they have a perfectly normal relationship. They're renting a home, she is working full time, he is farming full time. They enjoy a good social life and she herself has savings of €25,000. She also seems to have a pretty good relationship with your parents..

I'm guessing that the reason for your bitterness towards her partner is that he seems to have inherited his family farm already and your jealous!! Farms are generally only passed down following years of hard work and labour. NO parents would gift their family farm to a "waster" or "alcoholic". Him spending more time in the pub than on the farm is a joke - the exaggeration in your post is ridiculous.

I would really try and work on yourself because you seem to have worked yourself into a frenzy over this. Also prepare yourself for the possibility that you might not inherit the family farm. Your trade is in building they may decide to leave it to your sister and her partner (he is full time farming) or they may decide to split it evenly between both of you.

tinkerbell

Why on earth did you even loan your sister a few grand when she has €25k savings? If she owes you money, ask for it back! She has no excuse since she has it in the bank.

Stavro Mueller

OP, I can understand why you feel hard done by but the sheer rage and bitterness and frustration that’s coming through in your post is kinda scary.
I don’t think your sister’s as much of a loser as you think she is. What you’re judging her by are your standards. You were prepared to scrimp, save and live what sounds like an utterly joyless life to accumulate your savings. I reckon you’re a little unusual in that regard – most people your age don’t have €25k to their name, let alone what you’ve saved. Nor do they sacrifice their lives to the extent you did in order to save money. Maybe you’ve succeeded so well at the almost puritanical way of live you seem to have lived that your parents think you’ll be OK and don’t need any help. Maybe your parents think your sister is the one who needs help?

You may also seem to have fallen victim to some sort of odd thinking on your parent’s behalf. They obviously didn’t want to help you buy that house even though the amount of money you wanted to borrow was peanuts. That’s fair enough but as other people have said, you really can’t bank on their money ever coming your way. You don’t know how they’ll spend it while they’re alive or if they’ll leave it to a cat’s home. Or, the way elder care is going in this country, that it won’t be gobbled up by nursing home bills.
The time you wanted to buy that house, did you look into any other ways of raising that money? Did you even try to get a mortgage at that time? Or approach a bank or credit union? I mean, the money you were looking for was in car loan territory? Also, if your income’s unsteady would it be possible for you to change direction and either get a regular salaried job at least in the short term? Or change careers? Your parents shouldn’t be the only way you have of getting a home of your own.

What I'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that if you took more control of your own destiny and didn't obsess so much about what your sister is and isn't doing, you'd be happier for it. I should think that you're unusual in knowing the forensic details of what your sister's earning and what's being spent in her house. It's not doing you any good either by the looks of things. So yeah, a bit of distance would do you all no harm. I felt claustrophobic just reading parts of your original post.

dee_mc

You mention that your sister is 'forcing' your parents to help her financially, then later say that they have no problem with it... If they have the money, and they have no problem backing her, then why on earth do you have a problem with it?! It's their money, they're entitled to spend it on whatever they want!
You're bitter that they didn't lend you the money for the house you wanted - maybe if you had approached them asking them, as family, to help you out (rather than framing it was a money-making business proposal) they might have gone for it?
You need to keep your nose out of their private business and try to mend your relationships with your family members -they are much more important than money and houses.

Stavro Mueller

The house in question sold afterwards for €82k and I lost out on it because I was short €20k which I wanted to borrow from my parents. They didn't refuse me but started immediately finding faults with the house especially the €300 per year Estate Management fees. It was obvious they didn't want to give me the money so I didn't pursue it aggressively in the same way as my sister is doing for this house now.

Maybe there was a breakdown in communication here? Did your parents know how badly you wanted to buy the house? If you had pushed it a bit would they have loaned you the money? Looks to me like the house is what has tipped you over the edge.

I am seething with rage over this, I should be set to inherit this and my sister should not get it. She got the college education, a brand new 2005 car on her 21st Birthday costing €25k, me I got nothing, I got no college education,

So why didn't you get a college education? If you decided college wasn't for you, then I don't see why you should rage about this. If on the other hand they told you that they'd not be helping you out and this stopped you going, it's a different ball game.

The 25k car sounds odd alright. Maybe she asked for it? Maybe they just like her more than they like you, callous and all as it may sound. It happens in families unfortunately.

I just hope you don't bank on falling in for your parent's money. It'd be nice if it happens of course but you really can't know what will happen. If you can make your own way in the world, do well for yourself and view the money as a nice bonus should it come along you'd be better off.

Electric Sheep

If I was in your parents shoes and I found out that you were declaring that my savings were your inheritance, and that you felt I should retire and hand you the farm when it suits you rather than me, it would be a strong incentive for me to sell the farm and retire to a villa somewhere nice and warm.

daisybelle2008

OP, I don't think I have ever seen so many Euro signs in a post., it is shocking just to cast an eye over all the €'s on one post. That and the complete absence of any sort of love, affection or non material concern for your family is very sad. Most people (the ones I know) honestly don't see their family members in terms of currency. They would be happy to see siblings and parents sharing and enjoying their money whatever way they see fit in their lifetime.

greenfrogs

Why do you assume that all your parents assets are yours? Because you are the man?? Unless you have spoken to them re your inheritance I would advise you to not bank on getting the farm or the money. You have a vocation and therefore should concentrate on making this your full time job. It is your responsibility to build a life for yourself. It is you who should focus on getting a full time job and getting that mortgage. Don't focus on your sisters life. It may be annoying to see your parents constantly finance your sister. It would annoy me too. However it would annoy me because I would prefer to see my parents spend their hard earned money on themselves.

Catari Jaguar

Why is your bank giving such a paltry mortgage? I don;t understand why you need 85k total? Man, if I could get a house for that price.... Lucky to get a shoebox for under 200k in this neck of the woods. I digress, stop the anger towards your sister. It's a crap lesson but life isn't fair, it's only poisoning you through dark thoughts and black moods. Your parents help her out, she's not as together as you. Someday down the line if you need help, they'll give it. Parents love enabling, they like minding their kids and being needed. Let them at it. No need to feud. The bitterness and money talk is shocking, drop it.

cloud493

Life too short to be so angry about money OP. Sure money is great, and you need it to live, but it also wrecks friendships/relationships if you let it. Maybe just take a step back and breathe?