Girlfriend thought/thinks i'm ugly:(

henley.83

Met this girl in January of this year, I was smitten with her instantly, eventually i asked her out at the start of Feb......We went on our date and had a great time, I quickly fell in love with this girl because she is so amazing and beautiful but i still played it cool. Everything has been perfect to this point, we've been on mini breaks together, we have a holiday planned for June and she is coming with me to my cousins wedding in July. We've met each others families too and we all get on great with each other, she even comments on how amazing i am with her family, especially her little niece and nephew. I told her i love her about 6 weeks ago and I know its quick but i can't help how i feel and i'm also a heart on the sleeve guy, she was initially a bit panicky but ultimately she said it felt great to hear, i told her i didn't expect her to feel the same this soon so that she wouldn't feel uncomfortable with me telling her. Then while we were away on a romantic weekend away last Friday she told me she was in love with me, i was over the moon cause iv'e no doubt this girl is the one for me.
Everything was perfect until this morning, my iphone died on me last night and needs to be replaced, in the meantime my girlfriend let me borrow her old phone. Whilst i was using icloud to restore my data on to her phone i noticed an old text in her inbox, it was a conversation she had with her sister a couple of days after our first date, what follows is all of the conversation that is present:

Sister:
"Good luck dumping the poor ugly boy Lol, il ring you tomorrow"

Girlfriend:
"He's actually so nice and i'm a rotten bitch! I might learn to love him maybe!! Ring me tomorrow x"

Sister:
"That just means your chickening out of giving him the brush off haha"

Girlfriend:
"I know ya"


I'm absolutely devastated to read this, why would she continue to date me if she wasn't attracted to me let alone think i was ugly?
Where do i go from here? Any advice!!

Nuttzz

its a text from 4/5 months ago, it means nothing

I know from dating that sometimes there isnt an initial spark and the sweetshop effect means that people move on a lot quicker than they would have previously, but she didnt.

Also does it mention you by name? perhaps she was dating a few people at the same time?

henley.83

No it doesn't mention my name but we were going for dinner the night of the date in question. Also she assures me she wasn't seeing anyone else and i believe her to be fair!

I guess the real question is, do i mention it to her?

KMoon09

Hey OP, that's lousy for you to read and I can imagine how upset you must be feeling right now. She wrote if after your first date, a time when she was trying to figure things out. This is a few months on now, and it sounds like you have something good together. You have holiday plans, she has introduced you to her family and met yours...sounds like a solid early relationship to me. But all you can probably think about now is what you read in that conversation. So you need to think about if you can trust her, and whether she is sincere or not. For your own sake, you need to chat to her about what you read. Otherwise, you'll just have a lot of doubts in your head. Speak to her, and if you don't like what she has to say, move on. You deserve someone who is mad about you in every way.

whiskeyman

It was the sister that said 'ugly', not your GF... if that was you being referred to.
It may have been the sister who first coined that, but your GF just didn't mention it to be petty and she mightn't have anyone herself!

Do NOT mention it at all.
If she doesn't like you, she wouldn't be wasting her time.
Also, if you mention it, she'll be well annoyed that you saw her messages.
You have nothing to gain from mentioning it.

Is this your first relationship? You sounded a bit on edge with her, and a bit needy earlier on, and this may have made her rethink?
Even to say you believe it is just ringing with me. You sound like someone with low self esteem and confidence?

strobe

Firstly, for some people attraction can grow, you may not think someone's that gorgeous, but after you start sleeping together, and other things transpire, you can find yourself looking at them thinking "fvck, how did I not see what a ride they are in the beginning".

Secondly your gf isn't the one that used the word 'ugly'. So a preceding conversation could have been something along the lines of:

GF: So I've got a date on Saturday.

Sister: Oh is he hot?

Gf: Well he's all right.

Sister: Ugly so! Ha, ha.

Or something along those lines. So not that she thought you were ugly, just that she wasn't completely blown away by your looks initially. Which isn't nice to hear, but may not be as bad as you think.

Could also be that the conversation wasn't even about you. Could have been another guy she was seeing and planning on giving the brush off to in favour of you.

How is your relationship in general? How's your sex life? Outside of this is there anything that'd make you think she doesn't find you attractive?

I suppose you can have a conversation with her. Bring things around to when you first met and ask her what her first impressions of you were.

whiskeyman

KMoon09 wrote: »

For your own sake, you need to chat to her about what you read. Otherwise, you'll just have a lot of doubts in your head. Speak to her, and if you don't like what she has to say, move on. You deserve someone who is mad about you in every way.

Disaster move in my opinion.

He should know if she likes him / is in love with him without having to ask.
Do you feel you're not getting something from this relationship?
It sounds like you're happy the way things are now, and if so... don't bring this up!!

henley.83

whiskeyman wrote: »

It was the sister that said 'ugly', not your GF... if that was you being referred to.
It may have been the sister who first coined that, but your GF just didn't mention it to be petty and she mightn't have anyone herself!

Do NOT mention it at all.
If she doesn't like you, she wouldn't be wasting her time.
Also, if you mention it, she'll be well annoyed that you saw her messages.
You have nothing to gain from mentioning it.

Is this your first relationship? You sounded a bit on edge with her, and a bit needy earlier on, and this may have made her rethink?
Even to say you believe it is just ringing with me. You sound like someone with low self esteem and confidence?

Its not my first relationship, it is the first time iv'e felt this way about someone!
I'm a pretty easy going and relaxed guy which she has said she likes about me in the past, i certainly don't think i was needy or on edge with her early in the relationship, in fact i let her do a lot of the chasing early on. I don't regard myself as being low in confidence or self esteem, i'm just a bit rocked by all this!

whiskeyman

henley.83 wrote: »

Its not my first relationship, it is the first time iv'e felt this way about someone!
I'm a pretty easy going and relaxed guy which she has said she likes about me in the past, i certainly don't think i was needy or on edge with her early in the relationship, in fact i let her do a lot of the chasing early on. I don't regard myself as being low in confidence or self esteem, i'm just a bit rocked by all this!

ok, cheers for that.
I'm delighted that you've found someone like this, and didn't mean to have a go at you there.
But I really feel you need to ignore this and move on and enjoy yourselves.
I'm thinking the same as strobe here.
Girls can be weird in their texting and especially sisters!!
On the flip side, if some GFs or wifes saw some of the stuff blokes text each other in a 'macho' way, there'd be a load of break ups!

henley.83

Hey Strobe,

Sex life is great, she told me very early on that she didn't have a very high sex drive so i shouldn't expect sex on tap, which i understand.....we still have plenty of fun though and its always fantastic, shes told me that she hasn't experienced anyone like me in bed(in a good way haha) so i can't complain there.
Other than that, iv'e never got any vibe off her in the looks department, she even comments on how handsome i am when i dress up to go out. Which makes all this even more confusing!

henley.83

Hey Whiskeyman,

Didn't think you were having a go for one second! I actually appreciate you taking the time to lend some advice. I hear where your coming from when you say to leave it alone and just get on with things, but i know myself it will prevent me from acting myself around her and she has already gotten very good at spotting when i'm not on form.......

blatantrereg

It sounds like you were snooping through her stuff to be honest. Going into her text messages wasn't cool.

You remark several times that she's beautiful. Therefore it's likely she had high standards of physical attractiveness. I wouldn't be too bothered be it personally. It just sounds like she is more mature in her approach to relationships than seeing the other person "amazing and beautiful" before she really gets to know them. You seem quite superficial on the other hand, which is why this is upsetting for you.

LegacyUser

I don't blame you for feeling upset, it's an absolutely horrible thing to have come across and in your shoes I would have been so hurt. But I think what you should focus on is that she is still with you now and obviously loves you, and as trite as it sounds, appearance is only skin deep. You are obviously such a good match for her that she forgot all about any initial reservations.

I felt compelled to reply to your post because I have a crystal-clear memory of when I first met my ex, of thinking that he was not in the least attractive. Two months of getting to know him and I was absolutely head-over-heels in love. We were together for years and I still think of him as the great love of my life. I very quickly started to find him more and more physically attractive as we became closer and in no time at all I was struggling to believe I ever found him anything less than gorgeous.

I really hope you find a way to move past this because it would be such a shame for what sounds like a great relationship to founder on what was probably nothing more than a bit of messing between sisters. I am sure you can think of times you have thought or said something jokey-nasty about someone that is a million miles from how you truly feel about them, and keep in mind this is someone who, at that time, scarcely knew you, it can't really be reconciled with your girlfriend's current position of knowing you really well and being in love with you.

If it was me I probably wouldn't say anything to her. She'd likely be both utterly mortified, and annoyed at you for looking at the text (even though you didn't mean to snoop it might seem that way). The only good that could come of it is her reassuring you she does find you attractive, but it's up to you to decide whether that would be enough to soothe your hurt feelings - if not, there probably isn't any point getting into it. The fact that she is with you nearly six months later and has told you she's in love with you speaks for itself I think.

henley.83

blatantrereg wrote: »

It sounds like you were snooping through her stuff to be honest. Going into her text messages wasn't cool.

You remark several times that she's beautiful. Therefore it's likely she had high standards of physical attractiveness. I wouldn't be too bothered be it personally. It just sounds like she is more mature in her approach to relationships than seeing the other person "amazing and beautiful" before she really gets to know them. You seem quite superficial on the other hand, which is why this is upsetting for you.

Certainly wasn't snooping, i legitimately stumbled upon this message as i was swapping sim cards and data, a bit like finding an envelope with your name on it!!

When i say she's beautiful i mean both inside and out, i fell in love with the person not the body......Im upset by this because who wouldn't be a little put out at the thought of their girlfriend/wife or partner presumably finding you unattractive at the start of the relationship?!

blatantrereg

henley.83 wrote: »

Certainly wasn't snooping, i legitimately stumbled upon this message as i was swapping sim cards and data, a bit like finding an envelope with your name on it!!

When i say she's beautiful i mean both inside and out, i fell in love with the person not the body......Im upset by this because who wouldn't be a little put out at the thought of their girlfriend/wife or partner presumably finding you unattractive at the start of the relationship?!

Well me for one. I'm aware that was the case with at least one ex and it didn't bother me at all. Also have the experience of (different) partner's ex being internationally famous for being good looking. Again not bothered by that. My physical attractiveness is not a core part of my self esteem, nor have I relied upon it as a primary way of attracting women.

Potatoeman

It was a few months ago so her feelings could have changed. I would be careful that she's not waiting for something better too though. You have met her family but that does not necessarily mean its serious.
Asking about the texts could go either way.

blatantrereg

Honestly you getting worried about how you look is going to be a bigger issue than anything about your basic appearance. Women like confidence.

henley.83

I'm not worried about my appearance at all so that's why i'm kinda stunned to be honest, I'm not a hunk by any means but i have always considered myself a handsome guy.

I guess i should try and suck it up for a few days and see if i can move on without mentioning anything.

Sunflower 27

I don't know if you will be able to suck this up.

If it was me, I'd come clean and say what I saw. You said you weren't snooping (and I know nothing about cloud or whatever it was) so explain it to her. She may well be mortified. In fact she most likely will.

You seem like a lovely guy that played it cool and calm from the start. Confidence in anyone is attractive (as long as they are not arrogant with it).And the fact you weren't falling at her feet is further evidence of this.

You sound lovely, so regardless of what she may or may not have thought initially, she seems happy enough now. She wouldn't be with you otherwise

henley.83

Thanks Sunflower,

I'm starting to see that the general consensus is that she has come to see me in a different way from her initial reaction.....and she has grown to love me for who i am. Surely it would not of got this far if she found no attraction to me at all!!! I'm all for 'beauty is skin deep' i really am but can anyone honestly say they would stay with someone this long if they weren't in the slightest way attracted to them?

And thanks to everyone who's taken the time to reply and give their opinion, it helps give me a broader perspective of things.

Sunflower 27

Well, I can only speak for myself and I would not stay with someone if I did not find them attractive. But then, we all have different ideas of what is attractive.

You could always make a joke about your appearance and see what she says? I am betting it would be complimentary. It isn't all about high cheek bones and a six pack. Anyone with a brain knows that those are not the foundations on which a long-lasting relationship is based.

The worry here is that this is going to eat away at you. Don't let that happen. I'm all for confronting the issue honestly and openly and moving on from it.

Bottom line is you think you are attractive and she is in a relationship with you because she wants to be.

beks101

Is there a bit of a distance between the both of you looks-wise? As in, is she some sort of stunner who's used to dating exclusively model-esque 'pretty boys' or something?

I have a friend like this. Always goes for the lad who look like some sort of One Direction reject. Pretty, preppy, boyband-ish. She hooked up with her OH a few years ago and he's the direct opposite, built and rugged and a bit rough around the edges and all the jokes ensued.

Maybe you're just not her usual type, but she subsequently clicked with you and grew to love you. If the sex is good and she's giving you compliments, I think you're grand. You just might have been a departure from the 'norm' to her in the immediate aftermath of that first date.

I couldn't tell you what I thought about my OH after our first date. 'Yeah he's hot but so was the last one' probably. I'd been on so many dates that went nowhere. It wasn't him being hot that made it go anywhere, I'd met plenty of those. It was the other stuff. His personality, his humour, his loyalty. He made me laugh, he texted when he said he would. There was chemistry. I constantly smiled in his company and at the thought of him.

That stuff is big. Most people don't have that stuff and become faceless over time, regardless of what they look like. It sounds like things went from 'not sure' to 'amazing' pretty swiftly with you guys so I wouldn't pay too much consideration to that text.

CaraMay

henley.83 wrote: »

Certainly wasn't snooping, i legitimately stumbled upon this message as i was swapping sim cards and data, a bit like finding an envelope with your name on it!!

!

Except it wasn't. It was a private text and I don't see your name mentioned in the excerpt you showed us.

She didn't say it - her sister did.

henley.83

She honestly is the most beautiful woman i've ever seen, i told her once and she said i was blind!!ha
She's definitely the looker in the relationship, i'm not saying im bad either.....she normally goes for country lads(shes a country girl) she likes the hurler look, a manly kind of guy which i am all those things!! Well, retired hurler.

Pat_custard

Hey OP, something similar happened to me with an ex gf of mine. It happened years ago and same as you, right around the start of our relationship.

We were both young about 18/19 and still in college, I had met up with my ex, we shifted a few times but as far as I was concerned I was still single. I met another girl at a nightclub, hit it off and started texting for a few weeks after that. I also met up with this girl a few times but turns out we didn't properly click and nothing ever materialized.

About 2 months later myself and the ex (the first girl) started officially going out and dated for about 3 years. About a year into the relationship my ex asked me if i find her attractive. I said yes because I did. She told me she seen a message I sent to one of the lads during the time I seeing the other girl saying I thought the other girl was better looking. I had, and still have, no recollection of the message what so ever and neither did my friend.

I'll be honest it made me feel terrible because of the pain I must have caused her. It was s stupid text, especially because my ex was very good looking anyway. I assured her that I was being stupid, that I still love her, that I'm with her not that other girl everything I could to make her feel better and that I wanted her. She eventually accepted my answers, but every once in a while for the following 2 years she would ask me about her appearance, or if I was bringing her to meet a friend of mine or family members she'd ask if i'm embarrassed of her etc. To this day I still put her low confidence down to seeing that text.

Our break up was for something completely unrelated to all of this but it definitely created a small bit of tension around certain topics in our relationship. It still saddens me to this day to think that I sent that text.

But anyway that's my two pence hopefully it might help.

henley.83

Pat_custard wrote: »

Hey OP, something similar happened to me with an ex gf of mine. It happened years ago and same as you, right around the start of our relationship.

We were both young about 18/19 and still in college, I had met up with my ex, we shifted a few times but as far as I was concerned I was still single. I met another girl at a nightclub, hit it off and started texting for a few weeks after that. I also met up with this girl a few times but turns out we didn't properly click and nothing ever materialized.

About 2 months later myself and the ex (the first girl) started officially going out and dated for about 3 years. About a year into the relationship my ex asked me if i find her attractive. I said yes because I did. She told me she seen a message I sent to one of the lads during the time I seeing the other girl saying I thought the other girl was better looking. I had, and still have, no recollection of the message what so ever and neither did my friend.

I'll be honest it made me feel terrible because of the pain I must have caused her. It was s stupid text, especially because my ex was very good looking anyway. I assured her that I was being stupid, that I still love her, that I'm with her not that other girl everything I could to make her feel better and that I wanted her. She eventually accepted my answers, but every once in a while for the following 2 years she would ask me about her appearance, or if I was bringing her to meet a friend of mine or family members she'd ask if i'm embarrassed of her etc. To this day I still put her low confidence down to seeing that text.

Our break up was for something completely unrelated to all of this but it definitely created a small bit of tension around certain topics in our relationship. It still saddens me to this day to think that I sent that text.

But anyway that's my two pence hopefully it might help.

Thanks Bud,

I know a woman and a mans reaction will be different to the whole 'seeing a text' but how did you feel about her seeing the text? Did she accidentally come upon it?

Pat_custard

Well, she had seen it about 2 months into our relationship. The text was also to a very good friend of mine so there was no way I was able to go back through ~10 months of messages to actually see the message.

My initial reaction was disbelieve because I didn't think I would ever say something like that, but I mustn't know myself very well. After I seeing she was being serious I asked her about when she saw the text.

I was devastated to be honest, granted the girl I was referring to was stunning (just no personality, it was a pure effort to try talk to her), but I felt terrible that I made my ex feel so bad about herself. I was supposed to be the one who adored her no matter what she looked like and I did after going out with her. When I first sent the text I can only assume I was just being a single young boy who only cared about looks and didn't expect the relationship to go anywhere.

She found the message because I had left my phone in her house one night when I went home. I never pursued her to tell me how she actually found it since it was 6 months old I can only assume she went through my messages knowing well I tell my mate nearly everything

magicmushroom

When I met my boyfriend, I don't remember being initially attracted to him at all. I didn't find him very good looking but ended up chatting to him all night and then we added each other on Facebook etc and then eventually started dating because there was a real spark between us.

After a few weeks I was head over heels in love and honestly I now think he is the sexiest and most beautiful man I've ever seen!

Sometimes it grows on you!
I can totally understand why you feel upset (I would be devastated to read what you did) but honestly, try and get past it - if things are good now then don't ruin it by bringing something up that isn't really relevant now.

meeeeh

At least you know that she is not with you because of your looks. And even better if you are broke you will know it isn't money either.

We can write and say things that we wouldn't even mean. You don't know why she said it or if she even meant you. If you have to approach the subject do it jokingly. And don't make a big deal out of it because it really isn't.

TheBeardedLady

I have a feeling she wasn't talking about you, OP.

henley.83

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I have a feeling she wasn't talking about you, OP.

What makes you so sure?haha

strobe

henley.83 wrote: »

Hey Strobe,

Sex life is great, she told me very early on that she didn't have a very high sex drive so i shouldn't expect sex on tap, which i understand.....we still have plenty of fun though and its always fantastic, shes told me that she hasn't experienced anyone like me in bed(in a good way haha) so i can't complain there.
Other than that, iv'e never got any vibe off her in the looks department, she even comments on how handsome i am when i dress up to go out. Which makes all this even more confusing!

Then I'd just try to forget about it man. If she was talking about you, look it was after one date, maybe your best self wasnt represented on that particular night, didn't get as much sleep as you could have, wore a shirt that didn't really suit you, that kind of thing. We all look better at some times than others, and sometimes worse, even handsome bastards like you and me. You might have just been having a bit of an off night looks wise for whatever reason.

From what you've said, whatever her first impression might have been about how you look, it isn't the case now, and may have been entirely different as soon as your second date.

If she's as good looking as you say, then let's be honest, she'd have plenty of other offers, and still does on a regular basis, there's no reason she'd still be going out with a guy she didn't think was a big massive ride.

Starokan

Random text conversation - it means nothing

She would not be with you if she thought you were ugly, your happy man, she is happy , don't ruin it.

no.panic neva.panic

Ok, OP, since you insist that you are a good looking fella, I'm going to share a wee story with you. A couple of years ago I had a major crash on my new housemate. He was the most beautiful creature I had seen in my live. I was so unbelievably attracted to him I was losing my mind, and this is not an exaggeration, mentally I regressed by some 20 years Of course I was perfectly composed around him, even though I had a good indication that the insane attraction was mutual, but the way I acted around my friends was a whole other story: "oh his sweet lips", "my god, if you saw his eyes", "...and the other day he said *whatever* and oh, I want his babies!" My poor friends!

Anyway, one day after work I was having a cuppa with one of my closest friends. The only subject discussed was the gorgeousness of my housemate of course. Here is more or less what followed:

Me: Agh, thanks for indulging me! Gotta go home now.
Friend: Is you-know-who gonna be there?
Me: Yup (big smile)
Friend: You'll have to lock yourself in your room, he is a bad influence.
Me: I know, can't stand looking at his ugly mug (giggles)
Friend: Tell him to move out.
Me: I can't, his name is on the bloody lease!
Friend: I don't know then, you'll have to talk to him with your eyes closed or something.
Me: Ah sure, I'll think of something

Now imagine that this wasn't a f2f but a text conversation, and someone who didn't know the context read it. The context and our specific sense of humour were key to properly interpret what my friend and I actually said to each other. Could the same thing have happened between your girlfriend and her sister? I wouldn't entirely dismiss the possibility!

CaraMay

Yeah I was thinking that maybe the sentence meant the opposite ie not ugly but good looking. You know what Irish humour is like

TheBeardedLady

henley.83 wrote: »

What makes you so sure?haha

Nah, I think I'm wrong on that one, actually.

To me it just sounds like a stupid joke. My friend (a lovely person) used to call her boyfriend of 14 years with which she has two children and is marrying this Summer, Shrek. She's mad about him and still fancies him like mad but made this silly joke about him to us sometimes but it meant nothing but imagine he heard it out of context. People talk ****e amongst themselves sometimes and it sounds like you got a snippet out of context. Things sounds if they're going great, so try and get past it. It sounds as if the sister took something your girlfriend said ("he's not the type I'd normally go for", for example) and ran with it/twisted it for the "laugh".

As CaraMay pointed out, it sounds like a classic case of Irish humour and two sisters taking the pee out of each other. I know the kind of stuff my sister and I talk about sometimes is not for other people's ears. I understand you're gutted and as someone who's quite sensitive about certain types of comments, I understand but there's not a hope in hell this girl would be with you if she thought you were ugly - believe me.

Mr. Incognito

Hold on, hold on.

Your ego is bruised because the girl who you are in a monogomous relationship sent a private text to her sister slagging you.

Get. A. Grip.

njs030

Or it could have been a joke because your girlfriend was going on and on about how good-looking she thought you were so her sister sarcastically called you ugly.

This thread proves there is many, many different interpretations. It's up to you to choose which one is most likely!

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I can definitely see why you're upset, I would be too, but you're getting good advice here.

It's a very plausible situation that she told her sister she had a date, sister went "oh let's see him", she shows sister a photo and sister goes "aha the state of him, your taste in men is shíte". And, importantly, that the sister would have said that no matter who was in the photo.

I have a sister, and we've both slagged off everyone the other has ever been with. It's not meant to be a direct dig at the person if that makes sense, it's meant to be a dig at each other, because we're sisters and we slag off nearly everything the other does. And we also don't mean any of it seriously, it's just how we interact.

retro:electro

I think either she was joking and they were being sarcastic because you're actually very handsome, or the text was about someone else. It was the beginning of your relationship with her, she may have been casually seeing someone else and decided to end things with him to pursue things with you.

Worst case scenario they were talking about you, but it was the sister who called you ugly not your girlfriend, but the sister isn't attracted to you so her opinion is null and void.

Maurice Greene.

Not nice to read and I can understand, BUT this was her sister saying this and your GF was just going along with it in a jokey way.
Thats my take.
Now I know this is a bit off but I sometimes overhear my young daughters speak of boys in the same way. Its like as if all the boys in their school and in the locality have some sort of physical problem! I am sure as they get older, they wont lose this habit of talking, I think its just a girly way between sisters for banter.
I must admit lads can be the same if not worse, overkilling some poor girls appearance when its totally unjustified.
She would not be with you if she thought you were ugly, thats a guarantee.

ShaShaBear

Is it possible her sister thinks you are ugly and your girlfriend felt very influenced by her sister's opinion, thus pretending to agree to get her off her back? I know in my much younger years, if my then best friend told me a guy I liked was ugly, I'd back off for fear of being judged (we're talking teens here).

LegacyUser

Sisters tease each other about new boyfriends/dates all the time. I was dating a guy just a few years older than me in college and when I hesitated slightly (not from embarrassment, just took a minute to get my brain in gear!) when my sister asked me what age he was, she forevermore referred to him as “the old guy” or the “OAP” when she mentioned him in private to me. I would have been mortified if he’d heard her! She’d never met him, it was nothing personal and there was no malice, she was just teasing me because I’m her sister.
Like another poster said, it could be as innocent as her dismissing how you looked, or god forbid, not immediately being head over heels about you, and the sister may have taken this and run away with it. Try to forget about it and move on.

Also, I’m not having a go at you here, but how did you happen to come across that exact piece of conversation? It’s doesn’t sound like something that would be saved on its own in her inbox. Did you look through other messages as well? I would think that breach of trust to be a lot worse than a silly throwaway comment made months ago tbh and your gf might be pretty annoyed if you tell her (and rightly so imo).

Potatoeman

sounds-like-sisters-being-sisters-to-me wrote: »

Also, I’m not having a go at you here, but how did you happen to come across that exact piece of conversation? It’s doesn’t sound like something that would be saved on its own in her inbox. Did you look through other messages as well? I would think that breach of trust to be a lot worse than a silly throwaway comment made months ago tbh and your gf might be pretty annoyed if you tell her (and rightly so imo).

I'm wondering the same. When you realised there was still personal stuff there would you not have said rather than keep reading?

pookie82

I don't think we need to start getting bogged down in the rights and wrongs of whether or not he should have read her messages. He clearly clicked into something without thinking and saw a conversation which was potentially about himself. I defy anyone to drop that like a hot potato and not have a read - we're all human.

He didn't memorise her passcode, wait until she was asleep, steal her phone and hack it in the bathroom. It was given freely to him and as he was downloading his old data he clicked into a pre-stored message.

There's no need for the "you did a terrible thing, I would dump you" brigade to wade in.

Emme

henley.83 wrote: »

Met this girl in January of this year, I was smitten with her instantly, eventually i asked her out at the start of Feb......We went on our date and had a great time, I quickly fell in love with this girl because she is so amazing and beautiful but i still played it cool. Everything has been perfect to this point, we've been on mini breaks together, we have a holiday planned for June and she is coming with me to my cousins wedding in July. We've met each others families too and we all get on great with each other, she even comments on how amazing i am with her family, especially her little niece and nephew. I told her i love her about 6 weeks ago and I know its quick but i can't help how i feel and i'm also a heart on the sleeve guy, she was initially a bit panicky but ultimately she said it felt great to hear, i told her i didn't expect her to feel the same this soon so that she wouldn't feel uncomfortable with me telling her. Then while we were away on a romantic weekend away last Friday she told me she was in love with me, i was over the moon cause iv'e no doubt this girl is the one for me.
Everything was perfect until this morning, my iphone died on me last night and needs to be replaced, in the meantime my girlfriend let me borrow her old phone. Whilst i was using icloud to restore my data on to her phone i noticed an old text in her inbox, it was a conversation she had with her sister a couple of days after our first date, what follows is all of the conversation that is present:

Sister:
"Good luck dumping the poor ugly boy Lol, il ring you tomorrow"

Girlfriend:
"He's actually so nice and i'm a rotten bitch! I might learn to love him maybe!! Ring me tomorrow x"

Sister:
"That just means your chickening out of giving him the brush off haha"

Girlfriend:
"I know ya"


I'm absolutely devastated to read this, why would she continue to date me if she wasn't attracted to me let alone think i was ugly?
Where do i go from here? Any advice!!

In the early stages women don't always act enthusiastic about a new man with other women because they are afraid he won't want a serious relationship or might not stick around. So they might say things about him that they don't really mean to avoid humiliation if things don't work out. I think this is what happened here. She really liked you from the start (he's actually so nice) but didn't want to say that to her sister in case you didn't want to see her long-term especially when you were playing it cool. As a former hurler you probably have your choice of women and she knew that!

It's obvious she really likes you now. I think you should forget about the texts, say nothing about them and don't look at her texts in future.

henley.83

Hey guys,

I took everyone's advice on board(Pun thrown in..ha) and have decided against mentioning it to her, I've already started to forget about the comment....In fact she said something to me last night that put me at ease and made me feel very loved, that made me realize that what ever the text was about, it is irrelevant now and i just want to focus on what we have got going. I know some of you think there is something more going on with how i came across the text and probably think i was snooping, all i can be is sincere when i say it was by pure accident i came across the text, i won't bore you with the details of how it happened and i also don't want to sound like i am defending myself, trust me when i say i would prefer not to have seen it but unfortunately i did and its very hard to ignore something you see written about yourself or potentially written about yourself!!

I really appreciate all the advice though folks, thanks.

pookie82

henley.83 wrote: »

Hey guys,

I took everyone's advice on board(Pun thrown in..ha) and have decided against mentioning it to her, I've already started to forget about the comment....In fact she said something to me last night that put me at ease and made me feel very loved, that made me realize that what ever the text was about, it is irrelevant now and i just want to focus on what we have got going. I know some of you think there is something more going on with how i came across the text and probably think i was snooping, all i can be is sincere when i say it was by pure accident i came across the text, i won't bore you with the details of how it happened and i also don't want to sound like i am defending myself, trust me when i say i would prefer not to have seen it but unfortunately i did and its very hard to ignore something you see written about yourself or potentially written about yourself!!

I really appreciate all the advice though folks, thanks.

Always lovely to see a happy resolution to something in RI!

silverfeather

I can understand why you are hurt. It's a very very cold unfeeling text.

noway12345

So maybe you're not the best looking but you make her happy and that's what counts.

LegacyUser

Hey OP, I've been seeing my other half for six years now, engaged, and looking for a house. We met through work and at the beginning, a girl in the office was trying to us up and my answer was always "I just don't fancy him!" I didn't! Over time, and After getting to know each other, I ended up really liking him.
about a year ago, I asked him out straight if he had been attracted to me when he first met me, and he admitted that he hadn't!

I love him to bits now and wouldn't be without him. He means the world to me, we get on like a house on fire, have fun together, treat each other well, and I absolutely fancy him now!!

It's very possible that she may not have found you attractive at the start, but that was a few months ago and things change. If she wasn't interested, why would she still be there?