loneliness

grumpynerd

I dont expect a girl to fix my life or fill it completely but the need for sex and companionship is bubbling up as I move into my thirties.

I kind of have no means to attract a girl in her twenties or thirties as they all seem to be scowly or a bit hard work.

What can I do to meet a nice sorted girl for some kind of steady domestic bliss? I dont drink much or care much about mainstream stuff..

Snoutface

Just be the best person you can be and if you're lucky someone will come along one day. You can't rush these things. Work on yourself.

grumpynerd

Snoutface wrote: »

Just be the best person you can be and if you're lucky someone will come along one day. You can't rush these things. Work on yourself.

I dunno, didnt fare any better when I was in great shape and younger. Bit old now and kinda blah about self improvement for pussy formula.

Snoutface

grumpynerd wrote: »

I dunno, didnt fare any better when I was in great shape and younger. Bit old now and kinda blah about self improvement for pussy formula.

Well if you can't improve for yourself you may as well give up altogether

grumpynerd

Snoutface wrote: »

Well if you can't improve for yourself you may as well give up altogether

Is darwinism it though for keeping interested in life?

I dont want kids or to work too hard. But a circle of friends and a nice girl to love and share life with would be ace

Snoutface

grumpynerd wrote: »

Is darwinism it though for keeping interested in life?

I dont want kids or to work too hard. But a circle of friends and a nice girl to love and share life with would be ace

I don't really understand your question. Making friends takes work. You kind of have to work hard if you want a nice girl and friends. Why don't you try getting fit and maybe taking up some kind of hobby that involves being with other people, in any capacity? Get busy living or get busy dying etc. Whoever you are, you're not in too bad a situation if you've a roof over your head and an internet connection. There are far worse off people than you that are probably content. Have a look at headspace.com it's really helped myself and some people I know when they were struggling.

eviltwin

grumpynerd wrote: »

I dunno, didnt fare any better when I was in great shape and younger. Bit old now and kinda blah about self improvement for pussy formula.

With such a bad attitude towards woman as well as yourself it's no wonder you aren't attracting a partner. Attitude is everything. If you think all women are scowley and hard work and you think of them as you described above can you not see how that might be affected your success?

grumpynerd

Snoutface wrote: »

I don't really understand your question. Making friends takes work. You kind of have to work hard if you want a nice girl and friends. Why don't you try getting fit and maybe taking up some kind of hobby that involves being with other people, in any capacity? Get busy living or get busy dying etc. Whoever you are, you're not in too bad a situation if you've a roof over your head and an internet connection. There are far worse off people than you that are probably content. Have a look at headspace.com it's really helped myself and some people I know when they were struggling.

Oh just the get busy living thing doesnt sit well with me. One doomed struggle against the heat death of the universe but yeah some friends and a great missus would be nice. Do I just have to reignite my manflame as it were and advertise myself?

Snoutface

grumpynerd wrote: »

Oh just the get busy living thing doesnt sit well with me. One doomed struggle against the heat death of the universe but yeah some friends and a great missus would be nice. Do I just have to reignite my manflame as it were and advertise myself?

Well don't get busy living then. Maybe go and look at headstones somewhere and just hang around until you get cancer?

grumpynerd

eviltwin wrote: »

With such a bad attitude towards woman as well as yourself it's no wonder you aren't attracting a partner. Attitude is everything. If you think all women are scowley and hard work and you think of them as you described above can you not see how that might be affected your success?

It almost has nothing to do with women. I never condemned all women at all. Just an observation that women in their twenties and thirties can be quite demanding, while not being too au fait with their own flaws.

Snoutface

grumpynerd wrote: »

It almost has nothing to do with women. I never condemned all women at all. Just an observation that women in their twenties and thirties can be quite demanding, while not being too au fait with their own flaws.

I hate to burst your bubble but women of any age can be quite demanding in my experience! The same goes for men too though

grumpynerd

Hmm. Is it a requirement to operate in such stark terms? Smacks a bit of using business to distract from pointlessness. Doesnt seem much better than being a bit flat about things.

eviltwin

grumpynerd wrote: »

It almost has nothing to do with women. I never condemned all women at all. Just an observation that women in their twenties and thirties can be quite demanding, while not being too au fait with their own flaws.

You'll meet all sorts. But you can't just wait for someone to come along. You have to be proactive. What kinds of thing are you doing to meet women?

Snoutface

grumpynerd wrote: »

Hmm. Is it a requirement to operate in such stark terms? Smacks a bit of using business to distract from pointlessness. Doesnt seem much better than being a bit flat about things.

What? So do you just have no desire for life or something? Do you get kicks from anything?

grumpynerd

Snoutface wrote: »

What? So do you just have no desire for life or something? Do you get kicks from anything?

Cocaine can generate a desire for life. Are we just runming around trying to keep up a certain biochemical profile.. one which motivates and dangles carrots of money or sex or status?

Not convinced psychological or emotional impulses are eh real or significant?

eviltwin

grumpynerd wrote: »

Cocaine can generate a desire for life. Are we just runming around trying to keep up a certain biochemical profile.. one which motivates and dangles carrots of money or sex or status?

Not convinced psychological or emotional impulses are eh real or significant?

Eh this is personal issues, do you want advice or not?

grumpynerd

eviltwin wrote: »

You'll meet all sorts. But you can't just wait for someone to come along. You have to be proactive. What kinds of thing are you doing to meet women?

I wasted a few years inet dating and eh sometimes a gig or something. Underage girls flirt with me in tesco all the time but I dont take it too seriously. Apart from that no real attention from age apt girls

Snoutface

grumpynerd wrote: »

Cocaine can generate a desire for life. Are we just runming around trying to keep up a certain biochemical profile.. one which motivates and dangles carrots of money or sex or status?

Not convinced psychological or emotional impulses are eh real or significant?

Cocaine offers a window to a peaceful content mind for a few hours until you get the horrible crashing comedown into a brutal reality for the next couple of days!
Seriously though I don't even know what you're on about at this stage.

grumpynerd

eviltwin wrote: »

Eh this is personal issues, do you want advice or not?

Sure but eh Im a grumpy nerd. Its in my nature to be a bit cynical and reticent

Chloris

grumpynerd wrote:

It almost has nothing to do with women. I never condemned all women at all. Just an observation that women in their twenties and thirties can be quite demanding, while not being too au fait with their own flaws.

<Snip> Not PI appropriate.

Sounds like you're talking about yourself! It's not too surprising you don't have anyone given the fact that you've shot down every suggestion in the thread and seem to have no intention of doing our changing anything at all to achieve what you want.

Chloris

Haha Tesco, the mating ground of basement dwellers everywhere

grumpynerd

Snoutface wrote: »

Cocaine offers a window to a peaceful content mind for a few hours until you get the horrible crashing comedown into a brutal reality for the next couple of days!
Seriously though I don't even know what you're on about at this stage.

Not sure what kicks are really. Never have been. More into some kind of mild contentment instead of disconnectedness and eh just middleaged slumpness

Blue Iris

You seem to be espousing a version of existentialist philosophy OP! I love philosophy myself but it's not going to get you a girlfriend and you will alienate a lot of people with your high levels of cynicism. Comedians can get a way with being cynical if they're very funny, but ordinary people making endless cynical remarks is just a turn off in my experience.

Look objectively at your comment about women in their 20's and 30's being scowley and hard work. You've written off women in the entire age bracket. How would you react if you read another poster writing off all men in their 20's and 30's. It's a total generalisation and also untrue and unfair. You need to examine your own attitude more objectively and ask yourself how it is influencing your relationships or lack thereof. Loneliness is not a nice experience and I genuinely hope that you find someone to love and have fun with.

grumpynerd

Chloris wrote: »

Haha Tesco, the mating ground of basement dwellers everywhere

Bit harsh. You can be isolated and lonely without owning an xbox or being a geek. Or indeed having a neckbeard.

eviltwin

grumpynerd wrote: »

Not sure what kicks are really. Never have been. More into some kind of mild contentment instead of disconnectedness and eh just middleaged slumpness

What are your interests? What do you do in your spare time? What about friends, can anyone there help set you up? Have you considered joining a dating site or singles group?

Snoutface

grumpynerd wrote: »

Not sure what kicks are really. Never have been. More into some kind of mild contentment instead of disconnectedness and eh just middleaged slumpness

Well work towards contentment without women or cocaine first!

grumpynerd

Chloris wrote: »

My heart just went from bleeding to straight-up menstruating.

Sounds like you're talking about yourself! It's not too surprising you don't have anyone given the fact that you've shot down every suggestion in the thread and seem to have no intention of doing our changing anything at all to achieve what you want.

I havent shot down anything. Im just trying to tease out what the actual nature of tje advice is. It seems to be revolving around using emotions to adjust reasons. But what if you dont really have a handle on what desire feels like?

Its been years since I felt anything lile desire. Hormones and aging etc

grumpynerd

Snoutface wrote: »

Well work towards contentment without women or cocaine first!

That was a bad example. Im not actually into sex drugs and rock and roll. Just the point that you can trigger a changed attitude very easily, but how substantive is it?

Snoutface

grumpynerd wrote: »

That was a bad example. Im not actually into sex drugs and rock and roll. Just the point that you can trigger a changed attitude very easily, but how substantive is it?

You can't change it very easily, it will take work. Substances only offer a temporary veil over reality. You can however train your mind to work differently. Your brain is a muscle - if you train it it will work better for you and you wont pay attention to negative thoughts and they wont spiral. If I were you I'd get into meditation, it'll change you for the better.

grumpynerd

Snoutface wrote: »

You can't change it very easily, it will take work. Substances only offer a temporary veil over reality. You can however train your mind to work differently. Your brain is a muscle - if you train it it will work better for you and you wont pay attention to negative thoughts and they wont spiral. If I were you I'd get into meditation, it'll change you for the better.

Were kind of heading towards practical self deception there as in lets train ourselves to believe this so we can believe we believe this.

grumpynerd

Snoutface wrote: »

Right, I'm out. Unsubscribe.

I guess not everyone is as detached as me. Its not a pisstake, its just grumpy slumpiness. I think joining a sports club will shake me up with good hormones and chemicals. Of course you dont think as much when youre in project mode so it is good like that too.

Saralee4

Snoutface wrote: »

I hate to burst your bubble but women of any age can be quite demanding in my experience! The same goes for men too though

like the quote says anyone can be demanding. It depends on what you feel is demanding. All relationships take work from both sides, whether it is a friendship, work relationship or romantic relationship.

There are always sacrifices and gains from every relationship. People are not going start a relationship with you if you feel it is too much effort for you. Then why would they make an effort for you?

It sounds like you are bored in general. Probably you had an expectation of what getting or meeting girls is like and you feel you haven't met that ideal?

It takes a long time to get to know people, to really get to know people. I am in my early thirties too and one thing i would say i have learned over the years is that sometimes the most exciting, interesting or ambitious, or in your face people lack somewhere else. Sometimes what you think are boring people and you cant relate too or feel are not exciting enough for you are actually people who have some great traits like thoughfulness, kindness and loyalty. There are so many different kinds of people but i think the worst thing you can do for yourself is make a judgement.

You should not consider women demanding but try to see things in a different way. What does demanding mean to you? Could it be that these women you say are demanding are just someone who is not ready to open up yet. Not that they are waiting for you to prove yourself to them but they are giving you the chance to show what a good, fun person you are?

Relationships are not just about what you can get from the person but equally what you are prepared to give.

Big Bag of Chips

Chloris, some of your posts this evening across a few threads have fallen short of the standard of posting expected in PI. Please read the Forum Charter and a few other threads to get an idea of what is allowed here.

Snoutface, all posts are expected to be constructive and offer advice to the OP. If you have had enough of a thread you don't need to post anymore, similarly, you don't need to post a one liner that you are unsubscribing.

Can all posters please reread The Forum Charter stickied at the top of the Forum. There is a clear standard of posting in Personal Issues, and posts that don't meet that are regularly actioned.

Chloris

<Snip>
As for the OP, sports are definitely a great way to meet new people and improve your satisfaction with life. I heard tag rugby is full of eligible ladies of the same age bracket as you.

grumpynerd

Saralee4 wrote: »

like the quote says anyone can be demanding. It depends on what you feel is demanding. All relationships take work from both sides, whether it is a friendship, work relationship or romantic relationship.

There are always sacrifices and gains from every relationship. People are not going start a relationship with you if you feel it is too much effort for you. Then why would they make an effort for you?

It sounds like you are bored in general. Probably you had an expectation of what getting or meeting girls is like and you feel you haven't met that ideal?

It takes a long time to get to know people, to really get to know people. I am in my early thirties too and one thing i would say i have learned over the years is that sometimes the most exciting, interesting or ambitious, or in your face people lack somewhere else. Sometimes what you think are boring people and you cant relate too or feel are not exciting enough for you are actually people who have some great traits like thoughfulness, kindness and loyalty. There are so many different kinds of people but i think the worst thing you can do for yourself is make a judgement.

You should not consider women demanding but try to see things in a different way. What does demanding mean to you? Could it be that these women you say are demanding are just someone who is not ready to open up yet. Not that they are waiting for you to prove yourself to them but they are giving you the chance to show what a good, fun person you are?

Relationships are not just about what you can get from the person but equally what you are prepared to give.

This is pure gold. Yes its possible Im just not putting out good vibes or just grumpy boredom vibes. I dunno people put great stock on relationships and careers but Im not into it if its just igmoring the void type stuff.

I have a lot of love to give to be there for a nice girl to have fun and take the edge off aging and dying relatives and the general crap of midfle age.

grumpynerd

Blue Iris wrote: »

You seem to be espousing a version of existentialist philosophy OP! I love philosophy myself but it's not going to get you a girlfriend and you will alienate a lot of people with your high levels of cynicism. Comedians can get a way with being cynical if they're very funny, but ordinary people making endless cynical remarks is just a turn off in my experience.

Look objectively at your comment about women in their 20's and 30's being scowley and hard work. You've written off women in the entire age bracket. How would you react if you read another poster writing off all men in their 20's and 30's. It's a total generalisation and also untrue and unfair. You need to examine your own attitude more objectively and ask yourself how it is influencing your relationships or lack thereof. Loneliness is not a nice experience and I genuinely hope that you find someone to love and have fun with.

Its not really cynicism as much as clear thinking. I just say cynicism as its easier than sounding pretentious about darwinism and existentialism which arent important to most people anyway.

Im really trying to escape an antinatalist limbo atm...

grumpynerd

eviltwin wrote: »

What are your interests? What do you do in your spare time? What about friends, can anyone there help set you up? Have you considered joining a dating site or singles group?

I used to be really into gym stuff and music and old tv shows but since getting into my thirties it all seems a bit teenagery and facile

grumpynerd

Chloris wrote: »

<Snip>
As for the OP, sports are definitely a great way to meet new people and improve your satisfaction with life. I heard tag rugby is full of eligible ladies of the same age bracket as you.

Bit worried that not being man enough for real rugby might be an instant turn off for them though. Why would they go for a lesd good version of a real player?

Chloris

I have no idea tbh, not into athletes. Just heard a thing about it on Newstalk a while back and I was thinking about my miserable friend who is always bemoaning her lack of a man, so I recommended it to her and she still plays it. The report alluded to it being the sort of guys who were never jocks but still reasonably athletic looking to get fit and have fun, as well as girls who want to meet nice, sensitive kind of guys outside of chance encounters in drunken nightclubs.

grumpynerd

Chloris wrote: »

I have no idea tbh, not into athletes. Just heard a thing about it on Newstalk a while back and I was thinking about my miserable friend who is always bemoaning her lack of a man, so I recommended it to her and she still plays it. The report alluded to it being the sort of guys who were never jocks but still reasonably athletic looking to get fit and have fun, as well as girls who want to meet nice, sensitive kind of guys outside of chance encounters in drunken nightclubs.

A: Im more flat than miserable

B: is she cute?

C: tag rugby is actuaĺly a great idea...

Chloris

She's very dour, skinny and ginger, but definitely pretty in her own way. Very damaged, gets pissy for no reason, bottles up and explodes. Very pernickity. She has her really nice moments but can be hard to endure during the in between times.

I used to play in a band with her until she went ballistic at me and told me all the reasons I was a terrible person after I insisted we payed a friend is mine what we'd agreed when he supported us and we didn't make much as expected in ticket sales. Just to add, the band was her and her sister's surname and I was never paid a cent for over a year and a half of contributing my free time and drove all over the world to gig and practice with them for hourrrs every week. And I'm a terrible person for wanting to pay my friend what she had suggested.

So we don't talk much anymore!

Everyone is just insanely complicated and if you want to get to knew anyone you have to weigh up your enjoyment of their company against their annoying crap. The more you try, the higher the chance that somebody will tip the crap to good ratio into a favourable quadrant, and then your moment is right. Then, you strike, subduing their screams and... oh sorry I started thinking about something else there.

You should look up the thing about tag rugby on Newstalk, you'd probably find it on the podcasts.

eviltwin

grumpynerd wrote: »

I used to be really into gym stuff and music and old tv shows but since getting into my thirties it all seems a bit teenagery and facile

You must have something you like. Maybe you could check out a meet up.com group. They organise a lot of social events. It's a good way to get out of your comfort zone and practice your social skills. You talk as though you have one foot in the grave, you not old, you have plenty to offer but you need to ditch the inertia and negativity. Your posts are so heavy and read like someone who has completely written themselves off, it must be even more obvious in real life and its not attractive, people pick up on that vibe. There is plenty of fun to be had out there but you have to get your head in the right place first.

Mark Tapley

I think the negative outlook can form as self protection. You have low expectations so are not disappointed when nothing good happens. It just confirms your suspicions that the world is a bit shìt. You could wallow in this self indulgent feeling or try and find a way out of it. I am guilty of a bit of wallowing myself and found you have to make an effort to enjoy life. I think you are more likely to find a girlfriend if you can see the good in life. Making a woman laugh is a good start.
I think saying pussy will alienate female posters here who might otherwise give you good advice.

Chloris

I can't say for sure, but I don't think he's trying to attract the kind of females who would flee at a reference to their genitalia.

Mark Tapley

Chloris wrote: »

I can't say for sure, but I don't think he's trying to attract the kind of females who would flee at a reference to their genitalia.

It's the ones who stay to teach him the error of his ways he needs to worry about.

IlmoNT4

Hey OP...Forgetting about what you may think is the answer to your problem. Have you explored why you feel the way you do about the world, that feeling flat that you described, neither depressed or happy just nothing....
You come across as an intelligent person who has developed a strategy for dealing with the world. A strategy where you feel outside of everyone else and you can look in and see the much bigger picture, and everything and everyone is kinda dumb except for you, because you understand that in a couple of billion years the sun will expand and swallow up the earth and all of this will have been for nothing....jokes on all of us right?

If that sounds right....then there are lots of people just like you, The answer isnt mates or a great girlfriend, drugs, booze. The answer is that your hurting inside and your strategy with dealing with it is

-Extensionalism
-Blocking and degrading people from entering your life. "Pussy Formula"..you may think thats kinda funny and smart but its not. It just makes you sound angry. Do you think its ok to degrade people in your mind. You do realise that what you think, becomes your reality. Energy follows the intent.
-Do you drink a lot or take drugs?
-Spend a lot of time playing computer games?
-Spend a lot of time feeling angry and righteous about who you are, its you against the world?

Honestly OP, I'm saying this in the best possible way. Take pause and sit with your feelings and use your intelligent brain and asked it why you feel like this. OK, I can hear you say, I feel this way and I dont want to choose another way of thinking because I'm right and everyone else is wrong, but who does that help in the long run? You are stuck dude, you are stuck in a bad place and you might need a little bit of help. Would you consider reaching out to a therapist and doing some work on yourself, become self aware.
Take my advice or leave it, but I really get where you are coming from. This is my observation on how the world works, what you put in, is what you get back. You have to put things into your life and heal yourself first. If you want mates, you'll have to be someone that people want to be mates with, if you want a life partner, then you'll have to be a person that someone will want to make a commitment to. And you'll think, why, why should I have to do that work? None of this stuff is easy, it take so much time and effort to make friends and maintain relationships both with yourself and others. The first place to start is making a commitment to exploring who you are and understanding where these feelings come from.

IlmoNT4

OP, google Coues law of the mind..I think you might find it interesting in summary

"When the conscious will is in conflict with imagination, it will lose...."

I found this site to be very helpful and the book is excellent (I have no affiliation with this company, I found it online a few years ago and it helped me out)

http://www.thriveprogramme.org/

grumpynerd

Mark Tapley wrote: »

I think the negative outlook can form as self protection. You have low expectations so are not disappointed when nothing good happens. It just confirms your suspicions that the world is a bit shìt. You could wallow in this self indulgent feeling or try and find a way out of it. I am guilty of a bit of wallowing myself and found you have to make an effort to enjoy life. I think you are more likely to find a girlfriend if you can see the good in life. Making a woman laugh is a good start.
I think saying pussy will alienate female posters here who might otherwise give you good advice.

Context is everything. Biology is basically built on substitutes for sex. If its all signalling behaviour then it feels a bit meaningless and flat. Im not a wigger type who actually uses the word pussy in normal conversation.

grumpynerd

loulou2009 wrote: »

Hey OP...Forgetting about what you may think is the answer to your problem. Have you explored why you feel the way you do about the world, that feeling flat that you described, neither depressed or happy just nothing....
You come across as an intelligent person who has developed a strategy for dealing with the world. A strategy where you feel outside of everyone else and you can look in and see the much bigger picture, and everything and everyone is kinda dumb except for you, because you understand that in a couple of billion years the sun will expand and swallow up the earth and all of this will have been for nothing....jokes on all of us right?

If that sounds right....then there are lots of people just like you, The answer isnt mates or a great girlfriend, drugs, booze. The answer is that your hurting inside and your strategy with dealing with it is

-Extensionalism
-Blocking and degrading people from entering your life. "Pussy Formula"..you may think thats kinda funny and smart but its not. It just makes you sound angry. Do you think its ok to degrade people in your mind. You do realise that what you think, becomes your reality. Energy follows the intent.
-Do you drink a lot or take drugs?
-Spend a lot of time playing computer games?
-Spend a lot of time feeling angry and righteous about who you are, its you against the world?

Honestly OP, I'm saying this in the best possible way. Take pause and sit with your feelings and use your intelligent brain and asked it why you feel like this. OK, I can hear you say, I feel this way and I dont want to choose another way of thinking because I'm right and everyone else is wrong, but who does that help in the long run? You are stuck dude, you are stuck in a bad place and you might need a little bit of help. Would you consider reaching out to a therapist and doing some work on yourself, become self aware.
Take my advice or leave it, but I really get where you are coming from. This is my observation on how the world works, what you put in, is what you get back. You have to put things into your life and heal yourself first. If you want mates, you'll have to be someone that people want to be mates with, if you want a life partner, then you'll have to be a person that someone will want to make a commitment to. And you'll think, why, why should I have to do that work? None of this stuff is easy, it take so much time and effort to make friends and maintain relationships both with yourself and others. The first place to start is making a commitment to exploring who you are and understanding where these feelings come from.

No Im not really a geek or a gamer or trying to be clever. Pussy is a term for so much more than a girls fishbits. Nature only cares about pussy. Biology isnt high fallutin.

And its not really about pudhing people away or thinking I have some kind of epic perspective or anything. Its just bleh...if Id known the first thirty years of life were the best Id have been less introverted in those years. It all seems a bit of a sick joke when you start to age.

Penny Tration

You've gone from pussy to wigger.

Many people would find your choice of phrasing offensive.

Based on your attitude in this thread and others, I'd advise you to accept responsibility for your situation and accept that if you refuse to be proactive, you will not meet friends or partners. It's as simple as that. Philosophical talk isn't going to change that fact.

grumpynerd

loulou2009 wrote: »

Hey OP...Forgetting about what you may think is the answer to your problem. Have you explored why you feel the way you do about the world, that feeling flat that you described, neither depressed or happy just nothing....
You come across as an intelligent person who has developed a strategy for dealing with the world. A strategy where you feel outside of everyone else and you can look in and see the much bigger picture, and everything and everyone is kinda dumb except for you, because you understand that in a couple of billion years the sun will expand and swallow up the earth and all of this will have been for nothing....jokes on all of us right?

If that sounds right....then there are lots of people just like you, The answer isnt mates or a great girlfriend, drugs, booze. The answer is that your hurting inside and your strategy with dealing with it is

-Extensionalism
-Blocking and degrading people from entering your life. "Pussy Formula"..you may think thats kinda funny and smart but its not. It just makes you sound angry. Do you think its ok to degrade people in your mind. You do realise that what you think, becomes your reality. Energy follows the intent.
-Do you drink a lot or take drugs?
-Spend a lot of time playing computer games?
-Spend a lot of time feeling angry and righteous about who you are, its you against the world?

Honestly OP, I'm saying this in the best possible way. Take pause and sit with your feelings and use your intelligent brain and asked it why you feel like this. OK, I can hear you say, I feel this way and I dont want to choose another way of thinking because I'm right and everyone else is wrong, but who does that help in the long run? You are stuck dude, you are stuck in a bad place and you might need a little bit of help. Would you consider reaching out to a therapist and doing some work on yourself, become self aware.
Take my advice or leave it, but I really get where you are coming from. This is my observation on how the world works, what you put in, is what you get back. You have to put things into your life and heal yourself first. If you want mates, you'll have to be someone that people want to be mates with, if you want a life partner, then you'll have to be a person that someone will want to make a commitment to. And you'll think, why, why should I have to do that work? None of this stuff is easy, it take so much time and effort to make friends and maintain relationships both with yourself and others. The first place to start is making a commitment to exploring who you are and understanding where these feelings come from.

I dont want to be another eejit chasing dreams and some imagined future which may be a bit blah in the end but at least youve distracted yourself by keeping busy. Maybe we all just have to be eejits and accept it.