Facebook posts on a dead persons wall

Specialun

Perhaps im being a bit cruel here

Anyways a young girl i know from back home died suddenly..very sad tbf

What im a bit bemused by is the amount of people posting on her facebook wall saying likes " heaven has gained an angel" or similar

Like why cant they just go to the funeral, offer the condolences to the girls family...is it just thanks whoring or am i being a bit harsh...

bjork

becasue maybe not all their facebook friends were at the funeral and they have to let them know how caring they are?

Gone West

The people are looking for some comfort sharing with each other. You are wrong to judge them tbh.

Menas

Not harsh IMO. The young wans use social media to replace birthday cards...and mass cards.

LizT

How do you know they're not going to the funeral?

Grief is a very personal thing, people deal in different ways. I suspect for younger people, Facebook is a massive part of their lives and it would seem natural to offer their condolences and remember the victim there.

Generic Dreadhead

I don't understand it at all, I guess it's their way of showing the family/other friends they care, but it's seems totally phoned in.
It's really hard to gauge how people are feeling, death is terrible etc etc but I personally don't think it's a decent thing to do.
Why not just put up your own status on your own wall saying something like "I lost a dear friend today" and elaborate?
Feck knows why young people do these things on social media, I hate to think what it will be like in 15 years, nobody at the funerals

smash

I hate it. I've had family members die and one of the first things I do is unfriend them on facebook before the barrage of comments fill their wall. Each to their own but it's just a bit too creepy to me.

DoYouEvenLift

Menas

Specialun wrote: »

...is it just thanks whoring or am i being a bit harsh...

It is thanks whoring if it is on boards. Facebook is 'likes whoring'.
You are welcome!

rawn

I think writing on their Facebook page is just another version of visiting a grave. You know full well the person isn't actually there, but you want to talk to them. So you visit their grave/write on their wall/say a prayer.

eviltwin

People cope in different ways. Sometimes its a place where everyone who was affected can talk about the person. It might be the only space they have to get their feelings out there. What I can't understand is when it goes on for years after, I came across a FB page for someone who died 7 years ago and people are still posting on a regular basis. Seemed a bit unhealthy.

magicmushroom

I'm with you on this.

My sister is under strict instructions that when it's my time to depart this world, under NO circumstances is there to be an 'RIP Michelle' page - everyone I ever came into contact with crawling out of the woodwork to say how wonderful I was when they barely knew me?

No thanks.

I can't stand things like this. Yep, I'm a miserable B!tch!

smash

rawn wrote: »

I think writing on their Facebook page is just another version of visiting a grave. You know full well the person isn't actually there, but you want to talk to them. So you visit their grave/write on their wall/say a prayer.

Only you're leaving a visible digital footprint in public for everyone to see, and like and comment on...

DoYouEvenLift

rawn wrote: »

I think writing on their Facebook page is just another version of visiting a grave. You know full well the person isn't actually there, but you want to talk to them. So you visit their grave/write on their wall/say a prayer.

They could write to them through private messages instead.

jester77

Getting old OP, the youth today are very different in their ways. Mass cards are a thing of the past. These days the local priest will bless your post after you write on their wall.

efb

Like someone said earlier it's like mass cards for this generation.

I.had a friend who died young and had worked all over the world. A very helpful friendly person who was always doing heartfelt things for others

Her funeral was heartbreaking and hard but as time went by seeing all the messages from her friends all over the world was as great comfort as it showed how much she had helped others. And it allowed all her friends to say goodbye or remember her

Specialun

rawn wrote: »

I think writing on their Facebook page is just another version of visiting a grave. You know full well the person isn't actually there, but you want to talk to them. So you visit their grave/write on their wall/say a prayer.

Do the bodies disapear in your part of the country..the person is there no?

rawn

smash wrote: »

Only you're leaving a visible digital footprint in public for everyone to see, and like and comment on...

So? That's not to say people don't do it just for attention, but some people do it to "talk" to the person and say how much they miss them. A young man committed suicide a few days ago in my area, a very popular and seemingly happy-go-lucky man. Everyone is still in shock and his Facebook page is full of comments from people who knew him, which to me shows how much everyone is searching for a way to "talk" to him and say goodbye. It's about as useful as visiting a grave or saying a prayer, but if it helps the person in their grief, who the hell cares?!

rawn

Specialun wrote: »

Do the bodies disapear in your part of the country..the person is there no?

The body is there. The person is not.

Dr.Sanchez

Yeah I don't get it! Then you have people still commenting on the page about 4 years later with ****e like "Hope you're doing well up there" etc.

A: He/she isn't gonna write you back, stop it.
B: Go and mourn graveside like normal people do, not on your laptop.

I fear for what future generations hold...

lukesmom

A different perspective on it - lost my brother suddenly and tragically a few years ago. He posted on facebook quite a lot and had many friends. His sense of humour was something else and I miss it so much. Thankfully I still have his facebook page to look up his hilarious posts, comments and many photos of himself and his friends enjoying a night out. On his anniversaries and birthdays his friends never forget him and they always acknowledge it on his page. Before he died I didn't know what grief was and I probably would have hated memorial pages on Facebook but now it is very comforting to have a piece of him even if it is on social media.

rawn

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

They could write to them through private messages instead.

They could, and probably do. But what's the harm in sharing your grief with other people who are grieving too? I personally wouldn't do it, but as I said, if it helps people to grieve then what's the problem?

efb

Specialun wrote: »

Do the bodies disapear in your part of the country..the person is there no?

Over time.


But photographs and stories helps the person live on in memories.

efb

Dr.Sanchez wrote: »

Yeah I don't get it! Then you have people still commenting on the page about 4 years later with ****e like "Hope you're doing well up there" etc.

A: He/she isn't gonna write you back, stop it.
B: Go and mourn graveside like normal people do, not on your laptop.

I fear for what future generations hold...

What is different about the graveside? What if people can't access it?

Macavity.

It's the offering of condolences publicly on someone's page I find odd. I'd send a private message if I'm unlikely to see them in person in the near future. Saying it on their wall, for the world to see, just seems too open. Maybe it's just me.

lukesmom

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

They could write to them through private messages instead.

I've done that and strangely enough he hasn't answered me back yet

somesoldiers

I suppose if it were my family I'd prefer some FB posts that I could ignore by not logging in or browse through when I felt able than a horde of people I don't know up wrenching the hand off me at the removal, the church and the graveyard.

And as for those who shake hands at two or all three events or double/treble dippers as I call them....arghhhh

efb

Is "fishing for likes" the social faux pas of our time?

I don't ever see lots of likes on posts, sometimes it's nice to read them

Turtyturd

Really don't get the Facebook mourning at all. My granny died 3 years ago and her daughter still posts those 'share if your ma's an angel in heaven' or 'share this if you hate cancer' pictures on a near daily basis. She really needs to move on.

Maximus Alexander

I find it weird that anyone would have a problem with this. Humans are not good at dealing with death and pretty much all of the stuff we do around it is odd as f*ck if you take a step back. This is arguably less weird than things like sticking the corpse in a room for a couple of days and having a party with it staring at you.

Brendan Flowers

OP, why did you post this on Boards?
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=94656372

Specialun wrote: »

Gutted to read this

Absolutely loved listening to him on radio..he had a great radio voice

RIP a legend

I dont see how that post is any different to people posting on the FB pages of deceased people. Couldnt you be accused of fishing for likes? No need to be so harsh on those posting messages on Facebook.

Specialun

Brendan Flowers wrote: »

OP, why did you post this on Boards?
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=94656372



I dont see how that post is any different to people posting on the FB pages of deceased people. Couldnt you be accused of fishing for likes? No need to be so harsh on those posting messages on Facebook.

Fair point..it was a Tony Fenton thread...did you really go through my post count to see that

It all seems a bit "look at me and how much I am grieving" IMO.

If someone can't make the funeral, or can't visit the grave, they can surely contact the family with a card, a phone call, or even a private message to other family members on Facebook. I have done it for people where I can't make it to the funeral, instead of posting on the deceased's own page or the page of a family member.

pawrick

I don't think it's too bad to do it when someone died recently. As a lot of people have pointed out sometimes friends wont be able to get to a funeral and these people still want to show their respect in whatever way they can, however when I see posts popping up on all the anniversaries etc. I have to wonder is having the page holding some people back from moving on and dealing with the loss.

FunLover18

I'm pretty cynical about this sort of stuff. You're deliberately choosing to display this 'private' thing publicly when there is a private messaging service, therefore there has to be some part of you that either wants it to be seen by everyone or feel it needs to be seen by everyone in order to fit in as they see everyone else doing it.

Zamboni

Brendan Flowers wrote: »

OP, why did you post this on Boards?
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=94656372

I dont see how that post is any different to people posting on the FB pages of deceased people. Couldnt you be accused of fishing for likes? No need to be so harsh on those posting messages on Facebook.

That's the creepiest post trawl I've seen in a while.

FunLover18

Brendan Flowers wrote:

I dont see how that post is any different to people posting on the FB pages of deceased people. Couldnt you be accused of fishing for likes? No need to be so harsh on those posting messages on Facebook.

It is different though because the OP didn't post it to Tony Fenton's fb page. Posting on one's own fb page about your grief is fine, however posting on the deceased's page gives the impression of a private interaction and making it public. It's the difference between saying "I miss him so much" and "I miss you so much"

Personally, I think it's trite. But then people who live on facebook would probably think its great. If it bothers the next of kin there is a way to have the page taken down or closed.

Call Me Jimmy

I'm sure when someone you know dies you will deal with it in a perfectly logical manner at all times op!

the_syco

Specialun wrote: »

Like why cant they just go to the funeral, offer the condolences to the girls family...is it just thanks whoring or am i being a bit harsh...

Some people celebrate the life of those that lived, rather than mourn over the dead.

Kiwi in IE

I think that there is definately a Facebook equivelant of professional funeral attenders. I know someone who recently went to the funeral of her neighbours, brother in laws, mother. They are on friendly enough terms with the neighbour, know the bother in law to say hello in passing and had never met his mother. This is only one example of attendance at the funeral of an acquaintances relative who they have never met. I find this carry on totally inappropriate and would personally be unable to cope with the intrusiveness of such people if it were someone close to me who had died. It is the equivalent of ambulance chasing. Phony messages put up on Facebook by strangers or near strangers is the same type of carry on. A totally different scenario to people who were actually close to the deceased and find it helpful in their genuine grief.

efb

Stupid point, but people are aware bodies decompose 10-15 years after burial?

Cee-Jay-Cee

It's because young ones these days have regressed so deeply into their feckin phones and iPads that they don't know what is proper and correct in these situations. They have never known an age where people spoke normally to each other in the street or even on the phone. They don't understand the concept of calling around to someone's house to speak with them. It's all they know, it's very sad and a little pathetic but I guess they're not really to blame.

jamesbere

I think this is just going to be a new way people want to remember their loved one's that have passed away. I don't really see any any great problem with it as long as it's not too over the top.

jamesbere

efb wrote: »

Stupid point, but people are aware bodies decompose 10-15 years after burial?

I would imagine everyone's knows that bodies decompose and that it varies from body to body the length of decomposition

efb

jamesbere wrote: »

I would imagine everyone's knows that bodies decompose and that it varies from body to body the length of decomposition

so its not as if their bodies remain in the grave in perpetuity, so whats the big issue

efb

Specialun wrote: »

Do the bodies disapear in your part of the country..the person is there no?

this is the post that made me ask the question

jamesbere

efb wrote: »

so its not as if their bodies remain in the grave in perpetuity, so whats the big issue

No issue, it's just I doubt when anybodies at a funeral their first taught would be wondering when somebody will start decomposing

Just a little Samba

Specialun wrote: »

Perhaps im being a bit cruel here

Anyways a young girl i know from back home died suddenly..very sad tbf

What im a bit bemused by is the amount of people posting on her facebook wall saying likes " heaven has gained an angel" or similar

Like why cant they just go to the funeral, offer the condolences to the girls family...is it just thanks whoring or am i being a bit harsh...

My friend died about 5 years ago this summer while I was overseas with work. I was in a pretty remote part of a developing country and didn't find out it had happened until about 2 weeks later when I phoned home on my birthday.

The next time I was online was a week after that, on her birthday and facebook did the "today is xxxxx kkkkkk's birthday, post something on their wall" thing and I for some reason that was the time the grief hit me and I was forced to deal with the loss, thousands of miles away without my friends to help process the event and being balls deep in work.

As a result, every year on her birthday I post something like "happy birthday, miss you" or whatever, I don't really know why, I'm an atheist as was she but the yearly reminder of the whole situation kind of prods me unto it.

PARlance

Do these posts offer comfort to the families of the bereaved? If so, I'll cast my cynicism aside.

Just a little Samba

PARlance wrote: »

Do these posts offer comfort to the families of the bereaved? If so, I'll cast my cynicism aside.

In my friends families case, none of her immediate family use Facebook so no not really.

But, when I got back to Ireland a few months after her death I was visiting her parents and the subject of her profile came up, the wanted to see if I could get the photos of her from get page and put the on a CD for them as there were quite a few which were posted to her timeline from her phone while travelling or on nights out or whatever so they had no copies of them.

I asked them if they wanted me to get access to the account for them so they could download the pictures in bulk and delete the profile and they said no they'd rather not invade her privacy (accessing account equals accessing private mails and so on when downloading the data in bulk) and they wanted to leave the profile up so friends could have access to old wall posts and photos if they wanted.