Boyfriend cheated, I'm heartbroken.

LegacyUser

I'm sitting here in tears writing this, I can't believe this has happened and I'm completely gutted.
My boyfriend and I were together 4 years. We honestly had a fantastic relationship and I can count on one hand the number of times we fought. If there was ever any issues in our relationship, we sat down and spoke about them together and came to a solution. There has never been any drama, just love and respect. Everyone said we were so perfect together, a lovely couple etc etc. Having been in many other relationships over the years which ended in tears, I felt I had hit the jackpot. He's funny, kind, smart, handsome and more than I could have ever expected in a partner, very attentive and an amazing person all around.
My best friend's wedding is coming up in the next few months. Her partner's stag party was on Saturday night which my boyfriend was invited to. He was a bit apprehensive about it as it wouldn't really be his scene but I persuaded him to go, I thought it would be a good way for him to get to know some of the lads who he will be sitting with at the wedding as I would be at the top table and helping my friend for a lot of the day.
To cut a long story short, yesterday I tried to ring him and he didn't pick up. I sent him a text to make sure he was still alive and didn't get a reply. I had always trusted him 100% and never had any doubts, but I knew something was up but pushed it to the back of my mind. When I finished work I rang him again, he answered and asked me to call to his house.
When I got there he asked me to sit down, he was really upset and told me that he had made a huge mistake the night before. He told me he was with another girl, but they didn't have sex. I left and ran out the door to the car, I was in shock and crying and he came out to talk to me. He apologized a lot and said it was a mistake. I asked questions but then stopped him from giving too much detail as I couldn't bare to listen to it. I can't remember much else as I was out of my mind, I just left and went to my brother's house and told him and my sister what had happened. I'm in my final year in college at the moment and having just come back after the easter break, these are the most important few weeks of my degree. I had a big assignment due in this morning which I had been planning on finishing after work last night. My hurt turned to anger, how could he do this to me at such an important time in my life? The thought occurred to me that he could have lived with his guilt for another few weeks instead of off loading it on me right now. I can't even think about college work, I'm absolutely in bits.
His mother has been in contact with me, telling me how broken up he is about the whole thing and being concerned etc. I hadn't heard anything from him since leaving last night, I hadn't slept at all last night despite having taken a sleeping tablet, My mind was racing and I was trying to imagine the scenario, I just couldn't get it out of my head. So today I messaged him and said we needed to talk. I just needed to hear the details of how it happened, as much as I knew it would hurt I knew I needed this for my own sanity so I could stop playing things out in my head.
Basically, he had went to bed and the guy he was sharing the room with brought a few people into the room later on. There was another guy asleep in the room and one of the girls who was brought in was lying on the bed. Everyone left and she got under the covers. I should mention that they had all been taking coke and he had a lot to drink. He said he doesn't know why but he just started to rub her, then they kissed he fingered her and she wanked him... he came. I feel so sick writing this I am so traumatized. He obviously wasn't thinking about me when he was doing that. I am so upset, the story in my imagination was so much easier to handle,where she took advantage of him and he was really really drunk and didn't know what was going on. The truth really sucks, I can't believe he did that. He made the move, he made the decision.
We talked for a while afterwards, he kept apologizing and telling me he loves me and he would never ever do anything like that again. I do believe him, I know he is sorry and I know he loves me but I just can't see how I can get over something like that. How would I ever touch him again without thinking of him doing that with someone else? I was cheated on by my last boyfriend of 6 years and I stupidly took him back, it's something I always regretted as when I look back I was really weak and getting back with him was the easy thing to do. We had a terrible relationship and I had very low self esteem, I found out by accident and he tried to deny it. I know it's a completely different situation but I always told myself that if this were ever to happen again I would just have to walk away. So, here I am in bits and completely at a loss of what to do. My head is telling me to be fierce and forget about him, this isn't acceptable and I don't want to turn into a psycho jealous girlfriend who can't trust him. But my heart is melting, I am so upset but yet it's him I need comfort from, I just want him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything will be ok. This has come from nowhere and has knocked me for six. We left on good enough terms, he said he would contact me if that was ok. Having discussed it with my sister I felt it would be better for my own well being to cut ties for a while, give myself some time to think about what I want. I messaged him and told him this, he says he will give me all the time in the world, he is disgusted with himself and really sorry and loves me.
I do feel like I should give it time, it's what I would tell anyone to do in my situation. I know I should give myself some head space to think clearly, it's just so hard, everything is muddled and all I want to do is cry. I have so much college work to get done and I can't even look at it I am so upset. I don't even know what I'm asking for here, I'm really just ranting, but some words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated right now.

nc19

He owned up right away

Says a lot tbh

If he had of waited til after your exams undoubtedly you would have complained about him deceiving you for weeks!

You said it yourself, he had some coke! Never touched the stuff myself but have been around many people who have and have seen how out of it they were.

Make no decision now. Put some distance and take some time, at least til after your exams and then look at it again.

skinny90

Hey there,
Sorry to hear about this.
Lads response btw.
Your boyfriend messed up but you need to look at the positives,you didn't accidentally find out about this like before. He sounds genuine and from your post completely different from your ex who messed you around. He didn't hide from his problems. He was on a stag,lost the run of himself out with lads he didn't really know too well(probably drank more to make it easier to fit in) and made a mistake. His instincts afterwards was to bite the bullet and man up and let you decide the faith of the relationship. Your in a naive state,like myself your just back from your Easter break and about to hit your finals,that's your priority for now. For your piece of mind talk to the councillors and liaison officers in your college,I know here it's the chaplaincy.they will talk to you but more importantly they can also notify both internal/external examiners and also notify the exam Board to make them aware of your circumstances when correcting your exams. You also have the option of deferring the exam,which won't have a fee involved neither will it hinder your final grade.
Whether or not you want to continue your relationship is up to you but that can always take time.make your finals your priority,make sure he realises this also so if he does contact you as agreed,it minimises your study being interrupted.

ViveLaVie

I would end it OP. It'll eat you up. He wasn't so out of it that he couldn't remember it. He has a very clear memory of initiating a disgustingly disrespectful act.

The Niece

You may not feel like it now but finding out he had kept a secret like that from you for a couple of weeks would have had you analysing every text, conversation and moment you spent together and would have driven you even more crazy than you feel now...take it from someone whose ex did the same over their final year exams.

You're doing the right thing now, take time apart and concentrate (as much as you can) on yourself. Think about your exams and your future. Your boyfriend needs to regain your trust bigtime - if that's the path you're going to take - and that doesn't happen quickly. My heart goes out to you, this is an awful feeling to experience

hefferboi

Stupid thing he did, but from your post he sounds like a really nice, genuine lad and had a bit too much to drink. He was honest enough and man enough to own up to it and that's a rare trait these days.

I'd cut ties until after your exams and then see how you feel after. A few weeks of a break will ensure he'll never do anything like that again.

iusedtoknow

you have to decide where your line is (or was) at this point - there is no right or wrong answer either - it's for you to decide I have friends who have stayed together through much worse and conversely split up over much smaller occurrences. From the sounds of it - he sounds like he really is sorry and owned up as soon as he could . Coke and drink just don't mix.Whole that doesn't excuse what he did - it does explain it.

However - that decision can come over time, your finals are coming up and that is the priority at the moment. You also sound like you have your head screwed on - keep it that way for the next few weeks and keep the head down in the books as much as you can. Sounds trite to say, but this too will pass.

ibebanging

He cheated on you, just happened to be stoned at the time.
It would be a relationship finished for me, the trust is gone and will never be recovered.

beks101

Oh you poor darling. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it must be unbearable.

First things first, focus 100% on your college work and as much as you really don't think you can - let that take over for the next few weeks. Let it be Number One. The last thing you need is this blip to negatively affect your degree grade - you will regret that forever. Bury your head in the books, camp out in the library, even if it's an auto pilot thing and you're just going through the motions, do exactly that and let it carry through the initial few weeks of depression and heartbreak. In a strange way having this to focus on might be a big help.

Secondly, it is just that - a blip. Regardless of how it affects the relationship - whether it makes you stronger as a pair or it ultimately tears you apart - it is a bump along the road that we call life. No-one died, life will move on and you will get passed it. It will become a memory, never a pleasant one, but your heart will recover and life will move on. Try to keep that little piece of truth in your back pocket and pull it out for perspective when it all gets too much. You'll get through this.

It doesn't belittle the relationship or the love your OH very clearly has for you. He's not a lying, uncaring prick like your ex was. He got very fcuked up and acted the bollix. He told you immediately where your ex denied denied denied. By hurting you he seems to have completely hurt himself and it sounds like it will be the lesson of a lifetime for him. Don't let this one action tar him, or all men, for you. He's one guy who hurt you and in time you will know exactly what to do with this information.

For now, get some space, get some fresh air and focus elsewhere. Cry, confide in your family or friends, tell him to respect your need for a break away from him and white knuckle in through these next few weeks.

Trust yourself and be patient with yourself. No-one here can tell you the right thing to do. This is a very personal decision based on your and your OH's unique relationship and your own unique heart and brain. You sound smart, copped on, driven and very intuitive. You will know what to do. Not today. Or tomorrow. But when the time is right, you will deal with this.

For now, please eat. Get at least eight hours. And focus on your education. You will be fine x

Zambia

Oh dear.

Sounds like a nice guy who made a mistake.

You either forgive him and move past it or find someone else.

No other option really.

CaraMay

He also had to tell you as there was another guy in the room at the time? Chances are it would have gotten back to you if he didn't.

professore

You could have a guy who cheats all the time and never tells the girlfriend - I know plenty of guys like this. He's a good decent guy who made a drunken drugged mistake.

Concentrate on your exams for now.

Minderbinder

i think you can recover from this if you really love each other. it's not like he had an affair or lied to you . he was honest and showed he respected you by admitting what he did as soon as he could. you'll go a long way to find a man who wouldn't have done similar upon finding themselves in that situation. obviously that doesn't excuse him but it's the reality of the situation. most men won't go looking for another woman but if another woman comes looking for them they may not be as faithful as you might hope.

op, you know his personality and you've described what sounds like a decent person who made a mistake and confessed. i think you should give him another chance.

LegacyUser

OP, do you not see any contradiction in your acceptance of his abuse of alcohol and the fact he's a drug taker, yet your only problem is inappropriate touching of another woman?

Gongoozler

Calclor wrote: »

site banned troll

Wow. so that's the best women can hope for?

OP, did he tell you why he did it? That would be a fairly large part of it to me. Does he feel there's issues in the relationship, is he not satisfied with you, is he less attracted to you etc. I mean it's all well and good him having told you, but there's some reason he did it, and I think this would have to be important to get to the bottom of before making your mind up.

There's no one here that can tell you what you should do. It depends on how you feel about cheating. And how you feel about him.

DeltaWhite

I dunno OP, these types of situations really depend on the person. Me personally, cheating is unforgivable. There is no second chance for me, and it's a complete deal breaker. But others might not have the same view. It really depends on how you feel tbh. Only you know your bf and only you know the love you have for him, so it entirely up to you what you do next. I do agree about taking a few weeks break away from him to clear your thoughts. But I don't personally agree with people saying "ah well at least he told you"

That doesn't make it ok. And him being on whatever drink and drugs does not make it ok. Again this is a personal opinion of mine and how I view cheaters. I just don't tolerate it.

Minderbinder

DeltaWhite wrote: »

I dunno OP, these types of situations really depend on the person. Me personally, cheating is unforgivable. There is no second chance for me, and it's a complete deal breaker. But others might not have the same view. It really depends on how you feel tbh. Only you know your bf and only you know the love you have for him, so it entirely up to you what you do next. I do agree about taking a few weeks break away from him to clear your thoughts. But I don't personally agree with people saying "ah well at least he told you"

That doesn't make it ok. And him being on whatever drink and drugs does not make it ok. Again this is a personal opinion of mine and how I view cheaters. I just don't tolerate it.

I'd imagine most people would say that until you're in a situation like the OP. I'm not going to makes assumptions here but have you had this type of thing happen in such a loving, long term relationship?

Stavro Mueller

Oh you poor thing.
As you can see from the responses here, everyone has their own thoughts on whether it's forgivable or not. You might not even know what you think yet.

Don't do anything too hasty is the only advice I can give you. You will come to figure out in time whether you can get over this.

gsi300024v

I always kinda worry about couples who never have a fight. IS that natural?

Addle

I've been in this situation op, and I think that his misconduct is public knowledge will be harder to get over than the misbehavior itself.

You shouldn't have told anyone if you want to stay together.

Neyite

Listen to Beks101 - she's got it spot on.

You don't have to decide right now. In fact, its probably best that you don't, in order to process your feelings fully. Right now, for the next few weeks, distract yourself with your studies. Your subconcious will process a lot of how you feel about this cheating in the background without you realising.

If he wants to be with you and bitterly regrets it, your relationship will still be there after your exams if you still want it and want to work on it. Or to tell him that its broken for good, whichever you prefer. Ask him for space to focus, and if he really wants to save this relationship, he'll do this. It might be a fraught few weeks for him until you finish your exams but its no harm for him to go through the hurt and uncertainty and reflect on his actions and how they impacted you as a couple. No harm at all.

Neyite

gsi300024v wrote: »

I always kinda worry about couples who never have a fight. IS that natural?

I rarely fall out with my fiancé. I'd say about 5 times in 11 years we've had a disagreement. And even then we stay civil and discuss it as calmly as we can. So it really couldn't be termed a 'fight' as such. Its natural for us, and we are very happy.

But I'm not sure how your question relates to the OP's relationship.

meeeeh

Firstly the good thing is you don't live together I think or at least it doesn't seem that you own a house together. I presume you also don't have children. So whatever decision you make it should be fairly straightforward to implement it .

Secondly I think his actions were very weak and selfish. There was some coke and alcohol consumed. That is not an excuse. If he would sit in a car and cause an accident nobody would say but sure he didn't know what he was doing. Then he decided that he can't feel sorry for himself for a while on his own and wait for you to finish exams. Yes it is a decent thing to do to tell you straight away but it is also selfish and not very rational. Try to concentrate on your exams for the time being. And then you need to decide if you want to stay with someone who undoubtedly loves you but it is also inherently weak.

shabalala

smart, handsome and more than I could have ever expected in a partner, very attentive and an amazing person all around.


You describe him as above, yet he takes Cocaine.

Smart, amazing people don't take cocaine. Unless you also take it this should be reason enough to walk away.

Colser

Addle wrote: »

I've been in this situation op, and I think that his misconduct is public knowledge will be harder to get over than the misbehavior itself.

You shouldn't have told anyone if you want to stay together.

I have a feeling that he admitted it because the other lads knew about it and it was going to get back to the OP anyway(I could be wrong)...I dont think he should get any credit for owning up as it was going to be public knowledge amongst the group that are going to the wedding making things very awkward for the boyfriend.
It would be a dealbreaker for me OP . It will always be in the background if you stay together and will cause you a lot of worry and upset.I ended a 25 yr relationship recently for similar reasons and even that is causing me huge pain..Its an awful blow to get and really devastatas you so just try and take care of yourself ..it will be a very long healing process whichever way you decide to go with the relationship (not trying to make you feel worse but being very honest with you)Take Care

dashcamdanny

People do learn from their mistakes and if you get over this, you may have a stronger relationship.
I would not worry about the coke. Most sensible people grow out of such things as they gain more responsibility.

Milly33

BananaRep 12 wrote: »

OP, do you not see any contradiction in your acceptance of his abuse of alcohol and the fact he's a drug taker, yet your only problem is inappropriate touching of another woman?

Kinda of agree. Id be more annoyed that he took all this!! Does'nt sound the best to be honest....

Not being harsh but he was off his head on drugs and a slutty woman crept into his bed!! I know it isn't acceptable but he did own up and tell you which takes a lot he could have lied to you and kept it secret but he didn't he told you..

Now staying with him is up to you, if you think you can put it behind you then go for it, but if not end it now as you will end up hating him for what he done and making both yer lives not very happy. You will badger him and always hold it against him and it wont be fair on either of ye

Stavro Mueller

Milly33 wrote: »

Not being harsh but he was off his head on drugs and a slutty woman crept into his bed!! I know it isn't acceptable but he did own up and tell you which takes a lot he could have lied to you and kept it secret but he didn't he told you..

I agree with you to a point but I'd not be 100% confident he told her out of the goodness of his heart. Other people know what happened so there could've been a touch of self-preservation involved.

Milly33

Yes true, although I don't know he could have just let his friends tell the OP.. Some people don't like getting involved in stuff like this so they might not have told anyone about it, plus if they were all that wasted would they remember it...

Dog of Tears

If you've been out drinking and doing a few lines of coke and a hot girl nestles into bed beside you, it's going to be a bit of a struggle for any red-blooded man to resist.

A snog and a hand-job doesn't sound like too bad a result given the circumstances.


I think you should give him another chance.

power pants

CaraMay wrote: »

He also had to tell you as there was another guy in the room at the time? Chances are it would have gotten back to you if he didn't.

I agree with this. These werent his own friends so he wouldnt know if they would tell or not.

Personally, If I was in that situation id end it.

Goshen

The gory details are what would break my heart.

Katgurl

Oh god you poor thing.

I am glad he has agreed to give you the space.

I'm admitting this because I hope it will help. I was once that slutty girl in a similar experience after too much over-indulgence. Ugh. I often think about it since because if I was the girlfriend I'd be gutted but as one of the two people involved it was a total non-event. The experience was nothing, nothing! There was no connection, no flirting, no premeditation. A few minutes passed and we couldn't wait to get away from each other. I'd just broken up with someone so was behaving a bit crazily, a hen and stag night had collided and i'd gone back to his room to pick up some skins. I said nothing to my friends afterwards, was a bit grossed out and wanted to forget it. The only reason I haven't forgotten it entirely is because we all ran into each other the next night, he looked wretched when he saw me and I heard his girlfriend mentioned from somebody else. I always felt given the amount of hurt it would cause and just how ridiculous it all was, she would be better off knowing.

I am really sorry though, I know I would be distraught in your shoes. I do think this sounds like a fairly trustworthy guy but still not sure if I'd be able to move on from it.

retro:electro

Dog of Tears wrote: »

If you've been out drinking and doing a few lines of coke and a hot girl nestles into bed beside you, it's going to be a bit of a struggle for any red-blooded man to resist.

A snog and a hand-job doesn't sound like too bad a result given the circumstances.


I think you should give him another chance.

Oh for God's sake.

WheatenBriar

Op

I feel awful sorry for you and the way you're feeling right now,I'll say that first

Regarding yer man,he was stoned
The girl was also probably stoned
Both presumably out of their minds
Both horny and she took advantage of him by getting into that bed

You feel deeply for him and he obviously feels the same it's just got overwritten by being out of his mind on coke and booze
Look at it this way,he was so wasted that she had to hand job because he wouldn't be able for her in that state and if he was less wasted he'd have been out of that bed
Parties like those lead to predatory set ups like the lass entering that bed more often than you think
This is in no way excusing what went on but if you forgive him and by your talking of him,I think you should, then take this as a major wake up call
Get him off the coke
Best of luck

Colser

WheatenBriar wrote: »

Op

I feel awful sorry for you and the way you're feeling right now,I'll say that first

Regarding yer man,he was stoned
The girl was also probably stoned
Both presumably out of their minds
Both horny and she took advantage of him by getting into that bed

You feel deeply for him and he obviously feels the same it's just got overwritten by being out of his mind on coke and booze
Look at it this way,he was so wasted that she had to hand job because he wouldn't be able for her in that state and if he was less wasted he'd have been out of that bed
Parties like those lead to predatory set ups like the lass entering that bed more often than you think
This is in no way excusing what went on but if you forgive him and by your talking of him,I think you should, then take this as a major wake up call
Get him off the coke
Best of luck

Ah FFS...Give the OP some credit..She doesnt sound like she would fall for that kind of crap

Milly33

Yeah silly of course it was the mans fault!! D'oh!! It doesn't always have the be the mans fault...As Katgurl pointed out women are more the capable of doing things too and it does take two to tango. Well done for saying that too Katgurl it cant be easy to admit but sure we all do stuff we aren't proud of..

Hope you ok OP

Chucky the tree

Wow. People calling the other girl a slut? Talk about slut shaming. From mostly females as well it seems. Disgusting really. The other girl did nothing wrong.

Colser

The OP says that her boyfriend admitted instigating what happened but he doesnt know why...I wouldnt blame either side more as an outsider but if I was the OP the only one that I would be concerned with would be the boyfriend..the girl could be any girl in the world it doesnt change what he did..

WheatenBriar

Colser wrote: »

Ah FFS...Give the OP some credit..She doesnt sound like she would fall for that kind of crap

Why ,do you think he got into the girls bed?
I don't possess that level of clairvoyancy I'm afraid and have to give her BF some credit that he may be telling the truth going on the high opinion the Op has had of him up to this

Oh and yes in 2015 some girls can be just as devious as blokes in getting what they want in case you hadn't noticed

Colser

WheatenBriar wrote: »

Why ,do you think he got into the girls bed?
I don't possess that level of clairvoyancy I'm afraid and have to give her BF some credit that he may be telling the truth going on the high opinion the Op has had of him up to this

Oh and yes in 2015 some girls can be just as devious as blokes in getting what they want in case you hadn't noticed

Oh Im only too well aware of that but the boyfriend says he started it off ..TBH I think nowadays the oppurtunity to do this is there for most people but regardless of drink ect. I would like to think that most of us back off regardless of whether we are male or female..

WheatenBriar

Colser wrote: »

The OP says that her boyfriend admitted instigating what happened but he doesnt know why...I wouldnt blame either side more as an outsider but if I was the OP the only one that I would be concerned with would be the boyfriend..the girl could be any girl in the world it doesnt change what he did..

Just to comment on this because it is not clear, the Op said the girl got under the covers,when they were alone
A lass who stays alone in a then empty bedroom and gets under the sheets with a stoned bloke is not an innocent party in my view
I've said my piece and I will leave it at that

"Everyone left and she got under the covers. I should mention that they had all been taking coke and he had a lot to drink. He said he doesn't know why but he just started to rub her,"

tinz18

We don't know anything about this other girl- whether she was single,whether she was aware of the boyfriends relationship status, or whether she was just cold and got under the covers. It's of no use to the OP speculating,trying to put the blame on one side, or predicting what their motivations were. Personally, I would say its the responsibility of the person in a relationship to call a halt to anything happening regardless of whats been consumed but I've never taken or seen the effects of coke on normally rational minds.

OP I'm so sorry that you're going through this. The only advice I can give you is be kind to yourself and talk to friends and family when you need to talk - don't let your feelings turn inwards on yourself. If this begins to hinder your college work don't be afraid to approach your course coordinator (or a trusted lecturer) to let them know what's going on- if they are as helpful as mine were they can arrange for extensions or deferral of exams if you feel that your exams are at risk (Not sure on what policy your uni works off so it might not be possible but it's worth asking). It might be an idea to go see a doctor too, while I'm not a fan of medicating grief they might be able to refer you to counselling and/or give you something to help you make it through to the academic year even if it's just something to help you sleep and relax.

meeeeh

Milly33 wrote: »

Yeah silly of course it was the mans fault!! D'oh!! It doesn't always have the be the mans fault...As Katgurl pointed out women are more the capable of doing things too and it does take two to tango. Well done for saying that too Katgurl it cant be easy to admit but sure we all do stuff we aren't proud of..

Hope you ok OP

Of couse it was man's fault. The other girl didn't cheat on op, her boyfriend did. Seriously some replys are moronic. Besides if op's boyfriend can be "taken advantage of" so easily then how can se be sure another 'slut' won't take advantage of him next time when the poor man is drunk or stoned.

DeltaWhite

I feel that the full ins and outs of the situation don't even matter now. What's done is done and all that matters is how the OP feels and how she can deal with this all coming up to her exams. Never mind her bf or the girl he cheated with. What's priority is how she wants to proceed.

My heart goes out to you OP, I was cheated on before and it tore my heart in two. Hence why I am so anti cheating now. I have never cheated on someone and never would. Doesn't matter how drunk I was or if I was throwing coke up my nose, I STILL would never cheat on the person I love.

CaraMay

It doesn't matter what the other girl did it didn't do, she wasn't in a relationship with the op. He told her straight away in case it got back to her first and doing coke is no excuse.

Op you said after the last time that you would never give a cheat a second chance so why are you? I find it bizarre his mother rang you and it all stinks to high heaven.

Focus on your exams and see how you feel in a month but don't ever sell yourself short.

ViveLaVie

Dog of Tears wrote: »

If you've been out drinking and doing a few lines of coke and a hot girl nestles into bed beside you, it's going to be a bit of a struggle for any red-blooded man to resist.

A snog and a hand-job doesn't sound like too bad a result given the circumstances.


I think you should give him another chance.

This almost comes across like she should be grateful this was all that happened and they didn't have penetrative sex! It's also verging on misandry - oh all men are weak and slaves to their sexual impulses.

OP I felt sickened reading the gory details of the tryst myself and I'm not the one who was betrayed. I don't accept that alcohol and drugs are an excuse either.

I would end it. How can you ever trust him on on a night out again? How do you know he hasn't done it before and that the only reason you know now is because he was unsure of whether the witnesses would spill the beans at the wedding?

Katgurl

I can't actually believe people are discussing if the other girl was innocent or not - what does she have to do with anything? So what if that girl stayed back and got under the covers? My god, people are judgemental. I told my story because I wanted to stress how much of a non-event something can be with the two people involved whereas I'm sure in the OP's head it would be huge (and would be in mine if I was the girlfriend). The only reason I didn't tell my friends was because it was a pointless not to mention seedy experience that I would have forgotten all about except I heard his girlfriend mentioned the next day and thought how awful it would be from her point of view.

Anyway that's going OT. I think if I was in the OP's shoes I would want to forgive him but I'm not sure if I genuinely could. I'm pretty sure I couldn't because it would hurt too much. He sounds like an overall good guy who had a moment of weakness and its for the OP to weigh it all up and decide if he's worth forgiving or not.

OP, I think take advantage of the time anyway. Focus on your studies, decide you will deal with this in a few weeks when it's not all so raw.

Milly33

meeeeh wrote: »

Of couse it was man's fault. The other girl didn't cheat on op, her boyfriend did. Seriously some replys are moronic. Besides if op's boyfriend can be "taken advantage of" so easily then how can se be sure another 'slut' won't take advantage of him next time when the poor man is drunk or stoned.

Bit nasty to be calling people moronic, you should read your own post smart ass you just contradicted yourself...First tis his fault and then he was taken advantage of? Which one do you want to go with...

I agree with Wheatenbriar is sounds like they both instigated it, if she was either in any way aware of what she was doing she would not have got into bed with that man, that or she did just want it and went for it

davmol

He sounds genuinely remorseful.

He made a mistake,he owned up and didnt try to hide it.His timing was crap.

Explain to him that you will give him a chance but if he fux up again ,its curtain time and he will be on a one way ticket to singlesville.

Dont give up any slap n tickle for a while ,punish him and then get back to your relationship and move on.

He sounds like a good dude.

CaraMay

It's not her obligation to be faithful to the op - it's his