Bros before women!!

steddyeddy

And vice versa! I know the slang is bros before Hos but I hate using that expression. The point remains the same. One of my friends ran of with a mate's ex and now they're no longer talking. Both of them loved each other but my other friend is very hurt over this because he did like her. I'm wondering what the general moral code is in relation to friend's exs and friend's girlfriends? I've known lifelong friends who have parted over a woman or a man. How common is it?

steddyeddy

steddyeddy wrote: »

I've known lifelong friends who have parted over a woman or a man.ll

Jasis, if they didn't know whether 'twas a woman or a man, 'twasn't much of a relationship.

Fr_Dougal

I owe you nothing, uuuhhh ooohhhh, nothing at aaaalllll.

The Backwards Man

I can't answer, I can't answer that

Silverfish

Sisters before misters.

libelula

When will I, will I be faaaamousss?

Son Of A Vidic

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

I owe you nothing, uuuhhh ooohhhh, nothing at aaaalllll.

Thanks, you've put that shyte in my head now.:(

The Diabolical Monocle

steddyeddy wrote: »

And vice versa! I know the slang is bros before Hos but I hate using that expression. The point remains the same. One of my friends ran of with a mate's ex and now they're no longer talking. Both of them loved each other but my other friend is very hurt over this because he did like her. I'm wondering what the general moral code is in relation to friend's exs and friend's girlfriends? I've known lifelong friends who have parted over a woman or a man. How common is it?

Id say its roughly as common as a dumped girlfriends desire to fvck with her ex's life.

The Diabolical Monocle

The Diabolical Monocle wrote: »

Id say its roughly as common as a dumped girlfriends desire to fvck with her ex's life.

And vice versa.

liam7831

He should find ur mans last ex and become her jockey for a while, see how he likes them apples.

RWCNT

If you know someone well enough to gauge how badly you getting involved with the person in question will effect them, you're taking your chances with your relationship with your friend. I'm of the general opinion that a true friend wouldn't do such a thing.

Just Be Yourself

Do women have an equivalent to 'bros before hoes'?

Although most women seem to end up stabbing their friends in the back.

Cupcake_Crisis

Silverfish wrote: »

Sisters before misters.

I came here purposely to post that. Day ruined.

Username here

Just Be Yourself wrote: »

Do women have an equivalent to 'bros before hoes'?

CHICKS BEFORE DICKS

Silverfish

Ovaries before bro-varies.

Outkast_IRE

To be honest i have first hand experience of just how stupid this saying and mentality is.

A friend of mine was cheating constantly on his long-time girlfriend and using friends to back-up his excuses and nights away etc. Basically lying constantly and expecting all his male friends to back it up no matter how ridiculous the excuse.

The girlfriend knew something was off in the relationship and kept confronting him and he kept telling her it was all in her head, she was imagining things. This went on for a while with constant denials. Eventually it got to the point where she had almost a complete mental breakdown, and didnt trust her own thoughts, she really thought her mind was playing tricks on her.

It was only after she went to seek psychiatric help, that one of the male friends told her, because the boyfriend was never going to come clean or breakup with her.

I think its a bull**** mentality that some have used to basically abuse others.

the evasion_kid

Just Be Yourself wrote: »

Do women have an equivalent to 'bros before hoes'?

Although most women seem to end up stabbing their friends in the back.

These bros ain't loyal...

suicide_circus

There is no need whatsoever to start shtupping a friends ex

UCDVet

I'm not sure I follow this logic.

(I'm a dude)
I've had a lot more male friends throughout my life than I have girlfriends or romantic interests. My last girlfriend and I dated for five years, and then I met my wife and we've been together for eight years.

None of my guy friend relationships even come close to what any of my girlfriends and I had - and nowhere near what I have with my wife. Most of my 'best friends' and I just slowly stopped talking when we moved or went to a different school or uni or just drifted apart.

Women before bros makes a lot more sense. It's really easy to find some guys to have a few beers with. It's really hard to find a woman you want to spend your life with.

biko

Make it a threesome, no need to cut people out

One eyed Jack

steddyeddy wrote: »

And vice versa! I know the slang is bros before Hos but I hate using that expression. The point remains the same. One of my friends ran of with a mate's ex and now they're no longer talking. Both of them loved each other but my other friend is very hurt over this because he did like her. I'm wondering what the general moral code is in relation to friend's exs and friend's girlfriends? I've known lifelong friends who have parted over a woman or a man. How common is it?

It hasn't been that common in my experience really. I've had male friends who have bad-mouthed me to girlfriends before because said male friends had their eye on the girl who was my girlfriend at the time, and then I was never really a saint myself, having broken up with one girl and going off with her housemate (definitely not my finest moment, I met this girl before I met her housemate, this girl was drop dead gorgeous, but her housemate was more cute and funny and all the rest of it), and then there was the two girls I met out one night and almost the same thing happened - I went for the cute funny one over the stunner, and then later she told me that I was "supposed to" go off with the stunning looking girl (apparently that's how they had organised it between themselves anyway!! :pac:).

I think it's important that people remember that they don't "own" people, and that people move on, and the fault is with the person who still thinks they have some claim over an ex or have any right to moralise about who another person chooses to be with. Sure it hurts, but hurts so much that you could discard years of a friendship?

It'd depend on the context and the circumstances really.

anncoates

I thought the saying was more about not dumping all your friends when you start seeing a woman?

Silverfish

Misses before kisses!

hatrickpatrick

If someone ran off with a woman I was with I'd just pity him to be honest. If your relationship began with your partner cheating on someone, it's only a matter of time before it ends for the exact same reason.

hatrickpatrick

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

If someone ran off with a woman I was with I'd just pity him to be honest. If your relationship began with your partner cheating on someone, it's only a matter of time before it ends for the exact same reason.

Not necessarily. Often, maybe, but not always.

anncoates

Silverfish wrote: »

Misses before kisses!

Ms b4 His

Besties before testes
Dolls before balls
Mates before dates

And my personal favourite -
Venus before penis.

4zn76tysfajdxp

suicide_circus wrote: »

There is no need whatsoever to start shtupping a friends ex

What if she's really hot?

Silverfish

All's fair in love and war. You can't help who you fall in love with, and if they aren't with someone, then fair game imo.

One of my friends hooked up with one of my exes, I was a bit annoyed at the time but now they're married and still mad about each other so who was I to get in the way of that, when I wasn't with him any more? Game on, I say.

The Diabolical Monocle

Silverfish wrote: »

Ovaries before bro-varies.

Flaps before Chaps.

Pumpkinseeds

I don't get the childish mentality. What does it matter if a friend or relative dates your ex? They're an ex, once you've split up who they date is none of your business.

Fr_Dougal

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

I don't get the childish mentality. What does it matter if a friend or relative dates your ex? They're an ex, once you've split up who they date is none of your business.

Doing swapskis is a bit Jeremy Kyle tbh.

myshirt

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

I don't get the childish mentality. What does it matter if a friend or relative dates your ex? They're an ex, once you've split up who they date is none of your business.

I agree.

If they want to go stirring another man's porridge, then so be it. Personally, I wouldn't hit it knowing a friend had been there beforehand. But nevertheless, don't understand why a guy would get upset about it. At that stage in your life, girlfriends, sher they all look the same face down in the pillow. Move on.

Now if it was my wife, and given I have kids, I may be pissed.

kowloon

Candie wrote: »

Besties before testes
Dolls before balls
Mates before dates

And my personal favourite -
Venus before penis.

Flock before cock

As in the hens before the rooster, hens being birds... feck it, I tried. :mad:

waulie_palnuts

steddyeddy wrote: »

And vice versa! I know the slang is bros before Hos but I hate using that expression. The point remains the same. One of my friends ran of with a mate's ex and now they're no longer talking. Both of them loved each other but my other friend is very hurt over this because he did like her. I'm wondering what the general moral code is in relation to friend's exs and friend's girlfriends? I've known lifelong friends who have parted over a woman or a man. How common is it?

Happened to me with current Mrs, soon to be fiancé. She went out with a mate years ago - they finished etc I left the country, came back and we've been shacked up since. He took this quite badly, last I heard he was in Australia. I win

Cold War Kid

The Diabolical Monocle wrote: »

Flaps before Chaps.

Think that's my favourite.

Silverfish wrote: »

All's fair in love and war. You can't help who you fall in love with, and if they aren't with someone, then fair game imo.

One of my friends hooked up with one of my exes, I was a bit annoyed at the time but now they're married and still mad about each other so who was I to get in the way of that, when I wasn't with him any more? Game on, I say.

I agree. Well I haven't been in the situation so it's easy for me to say, but I don't know if my feelings should matter more than those of my friend and ex if they really really like (maybe love) each other.
It wouldn't be easy, but I'd hope we'd all work to overcome it. I know any of my friends would.

Saralee4

It depends if there are kids involved, if you were close enough to the friend and they had been a shoulder to cry on and knew you were still in pain over the end of the relationship, if they went about it too soon, if it was an ex husband or soon to be ex husband that you still had financial ties with. Also they know more personal intimate details about you that they might decide to share with your friend. It might mean that you loose your friend because the ex has an opinion on you.

I suppose it's just that thing isn't it where your ex is your ex for a reason. Not a lot of people break up amicably and if a friend decides to go with your ex then I imagine most people would feel it was a betrayal however it does depend on the seriousness of the relationship beforehand.

Then again when you truly are over someone and have no ties and have split reasonably civil then you don't really care who they are with. And it puts you in the position that If you want to remain friends with your mate, your going to have to be friends with your ex which is a lot to ask of someone I think.

El Weirdo

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

For friends going out with each others' exes you can't have any hard and fast rule. It depends on too many variables like the length of the relationship, time elapsed since, who dumped who and why, and just the personalities of the people involved. "Bros before hos" can't cover both f*cking your friend's ex wife two months after she divorces him and getting into a serious relationship with a woman he saw casually for a couple of months.

I always saw it as meaning don't neglect your friends when you get into a relationship, and don't rely on your partner to be your best friend, which is excellent advice.

The Bros before Hoes rules sounds like a 1990s sitcom invention. Well it isn't.

In fact, it springs from three very simple concepts which are core to all male friendships: trust, laughter, and going on the prowl together (ladies, assume your knitting-needle positions. I won't take long)

First, TRUST. If your mate is slurping on your sloppy seconds, how can you be sure that your interests are aligned? How can you trust his advice on your present prospects? You cannot.

Second, LAUGHTER. In particular, ex jokes. You're in a pub having a lads chat, and you remember a hilarious/ filthy blowjob anecdote. But you can't tell it, because that's his missus now.

And finally, GOING ON THE PROWL. The best friends are single friends. I'm a boring old fart when I'm in a relationship. I never want to stay out until 3am because blowjob curfew is 12.30am, I never want to go for chips because she says I shouldn't eat that sh1t. And I don't want to waste my money on things that don't lead to sex.

Thus, bros before hoes. It's not just a soundbyte, it's science.

Q.E.D.

One eyed Jack

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

The Bros before Hoes rules sounds like a 1990s sitcom invention. Well it isn't.

In fact, it springs from three very simple concepts which are core to all male friendships: trust, laughter, and going on the prowl together (ladies, assume your knitting-needle positions. I won't take long)

First, TRUST. If your mate is slurping on your sloppy seconds, how can you be sure that your interests are aligned? How can you trust his advice on your present prospects? You cannot.

Second, LAUGHTER. In particular, ex jokes. You're in a pub having a lads chat, and you remember a hilarious/ filthy blowjob anecdote. But you can't tell it, because that's his missus now.

And finally, GOING ON THE PROWL. The best friends are single friends. I'm a boring old fart when I'm in a relationship. I never want to stay out until 3am because blowjob curfew is 12.30am, I never want to go for chips because she says I shouldn't eat that sh1t. And I don't want to waste my money on things that don't lead to sex.

Thus, bros before hoes. It's not just a soundbyte, it's science.

Q.E.D.

All of the above really does sound like something out of a bad sitcom like "Men Behaving Badly" though? :pac:

(although credit where it's due, at least you didn't mention 'footie' or 'bants')



EDIT: That was the joke, wasn't it?

My humour detector may need some fine tuning

steddyeddy

steddyeddy wrote: »

And vice versa! I know the slang is bros before Hos but I hate using that expression. The point remains the same. One of my friends ran of with a mate's ex and now they're no longer talking. Both of them loved each other but my other friend is very hurt over this because he did like her. I'm wondering what the general moral code is in relation to friend's exs and friend's girlfriends? I've known lifelong friends who have parted over a woman or a man. How common is it?

The most people who find happiness seems to be the code in our group

Dog of Tears

Pubes before Boobs

HugsiePie

Dog of Tears wrote: »

Pubes before Boobs

Women have pubes too.......and the occasional man has bewbs too

Dog of Tears

Sperm Banks before Skanks.

Willies before Phillies.

beks101

Totally agree with Electrobitch, there's no catch-all phrase that covers the many variances that can occur with the friend-dating-an-ex scenario.

I have no bones with any of my exes, I'm over them all and in a happy relationship so it's been a few years since I broke up with any ex. If a good mate started dating a single one of them I'd be nothing more than faintly amused.

However, one in particular ended quite badly, he treated me terribly and basically cowered his way out of the relationship and I got through that one by crying on a few mates' shoulders. If one of said mates rocked up to a social event with him on her arm in the aftermath of that breakup, I'd have been pretty fcuking jilted to be honest. When you're emotionally hurt and the pain is still raw, it's just bad form.

THAT'S the kind of thing I think these various phrases represent. Don't be disloyal to a mate and betray their trust just because 'it's a free world, we're both single.'

TheBeardedLady

UCDVet wrote: »

I'm not sure I follow this logic.

(I'm a dude)
I've had a lot more male friends throughout my life than I have girlfriends or romantic interests. My last girlfriend and I dated for five years, and then I met my wife and we've been together for eight years.

None of my guy friend relationships even come close to what any of my girlfriends and I had - and nowhere near what I have with my wife. Most of my 'best friends' and I just slowly stopped talking when we moved or went to a different school or uni or just drifted apart.

Women before bros makes a lot more sense. It's really easy to find some guys to have a few beers with. It's really hard to find a woman you want to spend your life with.

This is how I always interpreted the saying: no man/woman should come between groups of male/female friends and it's an interesting discussion in and of itself. You make a good point here, UCDVet. I'd feel a lot closer and have more of a bond with my long-term boyfriend than most of my female friends though one or two would be on par.

I suppose the saying comes from the fact that your friends are supposedly the ones there for you when the **** hits the fan in a relationship, though often that's not the reality and often there's **** all over the fan when it comes to friendships too and your partner is the one to pick up the pieces. I know when it comes to even my closest friends that I'd be second to their long-term boyfriends/husbands and I'm perfectly okay with that - you get very close to someone in a long-term relationship as time goes on and very often they DO become your best friend in the end.


Regarding the other interpretation, like others have said, it depends. I personally wouldn't have an issue with a friend going out with one of my exes as I'm well over them at this stage. One of my exes became very good friends with my closest friends from school/university and one of them ended up with him, I'd be genuinely happy for them.

On the other hand, my best friend broke up with her boyfriend of 10 years a few years ago (he ended it) and though it ended amicably, she was very upset about it. Even if I liked him, I think going out with him would be the lowest thing possible that I could do to her. You can't generalise when it comes to this.

jca

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

I owe you nothing, uuuhhh ooohhhh, nothing at aaaalllll.

I thought it was about the band too...

Dyr

burds before turds

ALiasEX

Allah before wallah

God before tod

anncoates

I know technically blah blah you're free to go out with your friend's ex and all that but I wouldn't unless I was prepared to lose the friend.

Life isn't so cut and dried and people have strong - even if not entirely logical - feelings about these things.