Funny chants

hullaballoo

There are so many of these and everyone loves the slippy-G ones (don't they?) but there have been some spectacular chants down the years.

My personal favourite, which undoubtedly will condemn me as a total cnut for most people was after Andy Goram was diagnosed with schizophrenia as a Rangers player, the chant went, "two Andy Goram's, there's only two Andy Goram's, two Andy Gooooooraam's, there's only two Aaandy Goooooraaaaam's".

So, apart from the hilarious Stephen Gerrard chants, what are your favourites?

Zebra3

Viva Thierry.

A timeless classic.

Kerrigooney

When you're sat in row Z
and the ball hits your head
that's Zamora.

To the tune of That's Amore. Genius.

Lovely Bloke

Play-ers Name
If a girl says no.
Molest Her!

I might get stick here, but I think the Adebeyor chant is hilarious. I don't think there's any malicious racism involved either, it's just a ridiculous thing.

Same as the Park Ji-sung song, it could be construed as being "culturally sensitive", but in reality it's just a very silly chant.

Baldy Conscience

Baldy Conscience wrote: »

Play-ers Name
If a girl says no.
Molest Her!

I might get stick here, but I think the Adebeyor chant is hilarious. I don't think there's any malicious racism involved either, it's just a ridiculous thing.

Same as the Park Ji-sung song, it could be construed as being "culturally sensitive", but in reality it's just a very silly chant.

A person is African, sure of course their mothers a whore and their father washes elephants.

Now whether it is malicious racism or "merely" casual racism is one issue, but for the purposes of this thread, I fail to see where it is funny. For me it fails the comedy requirement of funny. As does the "molest her" one.

But I guess that's subjective.

padd b1975

He's half a boy, he's half a girl, Torres, Torres,
He looks just like a transvestite, Torres, Torres,
He wears a frock, he loves the c**k, he sells his a**e on Albert Dock,
Fernando Torres, Carragher's bit on the side.

To the tune of Let It Snow....

Oh the shadow outside is frightening,
It stops the sun from shining light in,
You can see it wherever he goes,
Thompson's nose, Thompson's nose, Thompson's nose.

Muff_Daddy

There's only one Carlton Palmer.
And he smokes marijuana.
He's six foot tall.
And his head's too small.
Walking in a Palmer wonderland.

Matt Bianco

To the tune of Wonderful Tonight

It's late in the evening
He's wondering what boots to wear
He puts on his red shirt
He hasn't got any hair
And then he asks Wenger
"Did I play alright?"
And he says, "Lauren, you played wonderful tonight"

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A person is African, sure of course their mothers a whore and their father washes elephants.

Now whether it is malicious racism or "merely" casual racism is one issue, but for the purposes of this thread, I fail to see where it is funny. For me it fails the comedy requirement of funny. As does the "molest her" one.

But I guess that's subjective.

I thought they meant the Peter Crouch one sung Adebayor.

"Black Peter Crouch"

"You're just a black Peter Crouch"

tim_holsters

You're not as good as christmas, when sung at Jermaine Easter has always made me smile.

Paz-CCFC

When the League of Ireland used to have a winter season or stretch into late November/early December, this one always used to crack a smile:

(To the tune of 'Feed the World' by Band Aid)

Feed the Duuubs
Let them know it's Christmas time


When Cork City were playing away to Mervue in March 2011, the snow started bucketing down (no shelter for fans) and a few lads started singing:

Snow is falling
All around us
City playing
1-0 up
It's the season, we're gonna get promoted
First Division...for f*ck sake

The Mig

I like the "2 Andy Gorams" chant!

CSF

The

He's one of your own,
He's one of your owwwwwwwwwn,
Graham Dwyer, hes one of your own

Sang away to Cabinteely was clearly in the worst possible taste, but I couldn't help but giggle all the same.

anncoates

Shamrock Rovers at Irish Spurs fans in Tallaght (Europa league)


Does your telly ..
Does your telly..
Does your telly know you're here?


What's it's like to..
What's it's like to..
What's it's like to see a game?

callaway92

James McClean McClean,

He says fúck you to the Queen,

He plays for the Boys in Green,

James McClean McClean

peteeeed

chelsea fans at norwich after delia smith went a bit mad on the pitch

We've got Abramovich,
You've got a drunken bitch,
We've got Abramovich,
You've got a drunken bitch...

joeguevara

Stephen Carr my lord,
Stephen Carr,
Stephen Carr my lord
Stephen Carr
Stephen Carr my lord,
Stephen Carr
O Lord, Stephen Carr

Sung to the tune of Come Bye Ya....10,000 spurs fans singing it when he scored against Wimbledon. Loved it!

That_Guy

The Bohs have got no money, we've got a bag of E's

Sung to the tune of 'Freed From Desire' by Gala.

WesternZulu

''We all dream of a team of Gary Breen's''
To the tune of Yellow Submarine.

It was brilliant!

Iused2likebusts

cazorla to the left of me, ozil to the right, here I am stuck in the middle giroud.

Dont blame it on the biscan, dont blame it on the hamman, dont blame it on the finnan, blame it on traore. He just cant, he just cant, he just cant contol his feet.

For Djimi Traore after this own goal against burnley.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8DDdQ8PJms

uch

At a Celtic match years ago and they were singing to the tune of thats amore

When the Ball's
In the Net
and It's not
Gorge Cadete
It's Di Canio,

When the Ball's
In the Air
and It's not Big Pierre
It's Di Canio

dan1895

Supercalafragilistic-Roman Pavluchenko
Tottenham's number 9 is better than Shevchenko
Like all Russians he likes to have vodka with his Kenco
Supercalafragilistic-Roman Pavluchenko

Shanotheslayer

When QPR won away.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLtf9gvbsSU

Best song ever.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

He's bald,
He's sh*t,
He plays when someone's sick
Pascal Cygan
Pascal Cygan

Fr Tod Umptious

Chats written down give the reader little appreciation for their quality or otherwise.

You have to hear them sung to appreciate them.

More YouTube please.

Jimbob1977

Not very politically correct..... Graham Rix was revealed as having unlawful relations with his 15 year old neighbour


'And if you tolerate Rix
Then your children will be next'

(Manic Street Preachers)


Neville Neville
He plays in defence
Neville Neville
His future's immense
Neville Neville
Like Jacko he's bad
Neville Neville
That's the name of your Dad

smileyj1987

This is how it feels to be city
This is how it feels to be small
You sign phil jones
We sign kun aguero

U N I T E D
That's spells f***ing debt to me
With a knick knack paddy whack give the dog a bone
Ocean finance on the phone

dan1895

Sang by Bury fans to former player Lellan John Lewis.

His name is a shop
His name is a shop
Lellan John Lewis
His name is a shop.

"Chelsea, wherever you may be, keep your wife from John Terry"

Donnielighto

Old one...


Everyone here hates Bohs,
And they'll never two in row,
Glen Crowe is fat and slow,
And he'll never win two in a row.

To the tune of "the entertainer"

loobylou

World cup qualifier 1996, Estonia v Scotland and due to a dispute over floodlights/scheduling at stadium in Tallinn, Estonia refused to play the fixture.
FIFA made Scotland kick off the game against no opposition and the referee then abandoned it after 3 seconds.
Scottish fans broke into chant, "One team in Tallinn, there's only one team in Tallinn".

Ulysses Gaze

When Habib Beye played for the Toon.

To the tune of Happy Days

"Sunday, Monday, Habib Beye. Tuesday, Wednesday, Habib Beye. Thursday, Friday, Habib Beye. Saturday, Habib Beye, rockin' all week with you!"

And one I read online

To the tune of the Hokey Cokey

"Did the ball go in?
Did the ball go out?
In, Out, In Out, The Kop were in no doubt,
The Scousers went to Turkey and Chelsea were out,
Thats what it's all about!!!"

“Don’t blame it on the Biscan, don’t blame it on the Hamann, don’t blame it on the Finnan, blame it on Traore. He just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet.”

Iused2likebusts

rarnes1 wrote: »

“Don’t blame it on the Biscan, don’t blame it on the Hamann, don’t blame it on the Finnan, blame it on Traore. He just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet.”

Great chant posted it a few posts back.

Iused2likebusts

Iused2likebusts wrote: »

Great chant posted it a few posts back.

Didn't see it.

It's a classic!

The_Kew_Tour

One best around tbf.

artanevilla

There was a striker, a Belgian striker, named Christian Benteke,
There was a striker, a Belgian striker, named Christian Benteke,
A WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, A WEE OH BENTEKE.

Repeat as desired.

callaway92

artanevilla wrote: »

There was a striker, a Belgian striker, named Christian Benteke,
There was a striker, a Belgian striker, named Christian Benteke,
A WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, A WEE OH BENTEKE.

Repeat as desired.

ya, similar one here:

A Mignolet A Mignolet
He's a keeper a Belgian keeper Simon Mignolet . . .

hullaballoo

rarnes1 wrote: »

"Chelsea, wherever you may be, keep your wife from John Terry"

That's actually brilliant!

Another favourite of mine is:
Your teeth are offside, your teeth are offside, Luis Suarez, your teeth are offside

Optimalprimerib

In a game against everton Jason puncheon leaves the pitch and comes back on.

The fans start singing:

He ****s when he wants
He ****s when he wants
Jason puncheon
He ****s when he wants

"What's that coming over the hill? Shabani Nonda! Shabani Nonda!"

Super-Rush

Can't remember the opposition but when Viduka was at Leeds and was looking a bit robust, the away fans sang to the turn of I Predict a Riot,
'I suggest a diet, I suggest a diet'.

When Bradford, Leeds and Sheffield Wednesday were all in the PL, Bradford were were second from bottom, Wednesday were a place above and Leeds were top. Bradford were playing Leeds one Sunday and sang the following.

'The premiership, is upside down, the premiership is upside down.
We're going into Europe with the Wednesday and Leeds are going down'

This is one of my favourites.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCXHbCYvzjI

Lumbo

To the tune of you're so vain: Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

rarnes1 wrote: »

"Chelsea, wherever you may be, keep your wife from John Terry"

His dad sells coke
His mam steals tea
He cried when he missed a pen-al-tee

Chelsea wherever you may be, keep your wife from John Terry

He can't shoot
He can't pass
He'll take your missis.. up the arse

MarkSRFC21

Roy Keane is a traitor,
He wears a traitors hat,
And when he went to Saipan,
He didn't fancy that,
He could have played for ireland in Korea and Japan,
He's just a cork knacker, he's not an irish man.

Classic sung by rovers to cork fans.

That_Guy

Last Friday out in Tallaght I heard a few lads singing,

"Because you know I'm all about the Bohs, about the Bohs... Fúck Rovers"

In the tune of 'All About That Bass' from Meghan Trainor.

Left Back on the Bench

Ooohhh Jorge cadete
He puts the ball in the nette
He's Portuguese
He scores with ease
Walking in a Jorge wonderland

A one-liner from the 80s.

Glenmalure Park, night time game between Rovers and Bohs. One of the Bohs players "goes on a mazy" from inside his own half, and gets to about 25 yards out from the Rovers goal, and this voice screams out from among the Rovers support:

"Tackle him! He's not your ****ing sister!"

padd b1975

Sung by United fans to the tune of Seasons in the Sun....

He is joy, he is fun,
He's Juan Sebastian Veron,
He's got style, and no hair,
He's an Argie, we don't care!

keith16

Oh Owen Hargreaves, you are the love of my life
Oh Owen Hargreaves, I'd let you shag my wife
Oh Owen Hargreaves, I want curly hair tooo..........

Iused2likebusts

Sung to northern irish international warren feeney... We love our itsy bitsy teeny weeny baldy headed warren feeney....
Sone of the younger posters mightnt know this 80s classic by timmy mallet