Present....

jamesbondings

Long story short,

Two weddings in 5 days..... Im a student on erasmus in Spain at the moment, so going home specifically for these weddings.

I asked one friend if they had a gift list (never been to a friends wedding usually family stuff, and the parents look after the gifts).
They have just finished furnishing their home so were looking for a gift of money. Both friends (for both weddings) would prefer cash. Thats fine no issues there at all. But what would be deemed acceptable? Without sounding tight.....I have to book flights, rent a car, get a hotel in the area for the wedding/s. And im only a student. I would love to be in a position to give the both a couple of hundred yoyos but that (atm) just isnt feesable.

So what would be acceptbale? I am in a close group of friends so should i give too little it may seem like im being stingy.

IrishAlice

If it was me and I wasn't in a position to give a gift of money that I would find an acceptable amount then I would give each couple an actual gift.

As they are your friends you'll probably have a few ideas of some lovely unusual gifts the couples might like that others wouldn't think of.

Most people will probably give them cash and I'm sure with you being a student they would understand that you're not in a position financially to do that.

In my experience most couples are just happy that you are there to be part of their special day.

jamesbondings

IrishAlice wrote: »

If it was me and I wasn't in a position to give a gift of money that I would find an acceptable amount then I would give each couple an actual gift.

As they are your friends you'll probably have a few ideas of some lovely unusual gifts the couples might like that others wouldn't think of.

Most people will probably give them cash and I'm sure with you being a student they would understand that you're not in a position financially to do that.

In my experience most couples are just happy that you are there to be part of their special day.

I would agree with everything you just said, however i specifically asked them and they said (knowing my current position) that they are just asking for money.

Like i said previous, if i had it i would give it, and i probably could have it if the two weddings werent so close together. And on top of that i have to have spending money for the two nights. I might ask one of the bridesmaids for gift ideas, perhaps something that was said the bride would need/like and get it here in Spain for them

belacqua_

jamesbondings wrote: »

Long story short,

Two weddings in 5 days..... Im a student on erasmus in Spain at the moment, so going home specifically for these weddings.

I asked one friend if they had a gift list (never been to a friends wedding usually family stuff, and the parents look after the gifts).
They have just finished furnishing their home so were looking for a gift of money. Both friends (for both weddings) would prefer cash. Thats fine no issues there at all. But what would be deemed acceptable? Without sounding tight.....I have to book flights, rent a car, get a hotel in the area for the wedding/s. And im only a student. I would love to be in a position to give the both a couple of hundred yoyos but that (atm) just isnt feesable.

So what would be acceptbale? I am in a close group of friends so should i give too little it may seem like im being stingy.

100-200 is about the average present, I've found. From someone in your position though, both couples couldn't and shouldn't expect more than 50 quid.

littlenubbin85

If they prefer cash gifts, maybe gift between 50-100 in each card. Whatever you're comfortable with. Or you could give 50 and a thoughtful present?

jamesbondings

is that not stingy though? I mean i doubt that will even cover mine and my plus 1s day like......i could stretch it to 100, i just thought (perhaps naively) that 200-300 was normal.

belacqua_

jamesbondings wrote: »

is that not stingy though? I mean i doubt that will even cover mine and my plus 1s day like......i could stretch it to 100, i just thought (perhaps naively) that 200-300 was normal.

I meant 100-200 per head. If you're bringing a plus 1, I'd put in 100 minimum.

littlenubbin85

No its not stingy. 200 is normal for a couple. Is your plus one chipping in at all? Myself and my OH always split the gift.

Over 200 in my opinion should only be given by family members or those who can afford it. And you've already stated you can't. You are already coming home for their wedding at great expense so I think 50-100 is more than acceptable.

I've a friend who's coming home for my wedding from Louisiana and I would never expect her to give that amount. The fact that she's making the effort to be there is present enough for me.

Milly33

I would say €100 in fairness you are travelling over all the way to go to the wedding so you are making the effort. Even if you gave €50 and a token gift I would find that perfectly acceptable.. People invite you for you, not for your gift.. haha that is most done read the thread about requesting gifts..

If we ever go to a wedding where there is a group of us going lets say friends, we get a card between the whole lot of us, sign it put some nice words in and pop in €50 or whatever we can afford..

lazygal

jamesbondings wrote: »

is that not stingy though? I mean i doubt that will even cover mine and my plus 1s day like......i could stretch it to 100, i just thought (perhaps naively) that 200-300 was normal.

Do not stretch yourself because of what other people think. One of my oldest friends gave me a homemade card and a picture frame for my wedding. She was studying abroad at the time and made a huge effort to make my wedding. I didn't care what she gave me, as long as she was there.

jamesbondings

oh yea of course my plus one will chip in, but id prefer she didnt have to.....

but she will. I know that with me coming from abroad there is more "financial" burden on me as oppossed other guests, but just want to make sure i dont offend.

Milly33

don't worry you wont

jamesbondings

Milly33 wrote: »

I would say €100 in fairness you are travelling over all the way to go to the wedding so you are making the effort. Even if you gave €50 and a token gift I would find that perfectly acceptable.. People invite you for you, not for your gift.. haha that is most done read the thread about requesting gifts..

If we ever go to a wedding where there is a group of us going lets say friends, we get a card between the whole lot of us, sign it put some nice words in and pop in €50 or whatever we can afford..

This is what we usually do for birthdays (give the ladies in the group mula and they go off and get a super duper pressie worth a small fortune) dunno if there are plans to do that for the wedding, that i suppose, would be ideal

jivedude

jamesbondings wrote: »

is that not stingy though? I mean i doubt that will even cover mine and my plus 1s day like......i could stretch it to 100, i just thought (perhaps naively) that 200-300 was normal.

There is nothing normal or a fixed rate for money gift at wedding man. You have a good heart and you're already spending lot to get there, I can assure you if you put 20 euros in the envelope, they will appreciate it. Don't stress

tinkerbell

I can't believe those couples both said they wanted cash when they know you are a student and travelling from Spain to attend! I would always tell people who are travelling from abroad that they were definitely NOT to give a gift of any sort.

Anyway, if you want to give a gift I would give no more than €50 in the card at an absolute max. There is no need to buy a token gift also in addition to that. I don't understand this idea that the OP should give €50 / €100 plus a gift when he's travelling from abroad to attend. And the OP is a student, so money would be in short supply.

littlenubbin85

tinkerbell wrote: »

I can't believe those couples both said they wanted cash when they know you are a student and travelling from Spain to attend! I would always tell people who are travelling from abroad that they were definitely NOT to give a gift of any sort.

Anyway, if you want to give a gift I would give no more than €50 in the card at an absolute max. There is no need to buy a token gift also in addition to that. I don't understand this idea that the OP should give €50 / €100 plus a gift when he's travelling from abroad to attend. And the OP is a student, so money would be in short supply.

That's only if he wants to or can afford it.

jamesbondings

littlenubbin85 wrote: »

That's only if he wants to or can afford it.

Ah but sure i could never not bring a gift, id rather give a gift and not drink at the wedding!!! luckily it wont come to that.

Gatica

I think 50 from you would be plenty, considering you're travelling for this wedding. Do they two couples know each-other? If they do, they'd be aware you had to travel and attend 2 weddings. Not cheap for anyone, especially a student abroad.

vandriver

Why should the cash gift have any relationship to "covering" the cost of the day?

jamesbondings

i dont know, but wouldnt like to think that i was taking advantage or whatever, would rather just pay for meself, in terms of dinner etc....so they cover there costs for mine and my partners seat......no the two couples dont know each other

Gatica

There's an attitude in Ireland of at least covering your cost to the couple with the gift, which has put pressure on people to give large and sometimes unaffordable gifts.
Unfortunately, if you feel you need to pay for you meal, it ain't cheap at many venues in Ireland.
We can only recommend that you give what you can afford, but if you still feel that's not enough, I don't know what we can do to convince you...

Spanish Eyes

What a lovely thoughtful guest you are OP!

If you want to give cash, and from your posts you do, then imv €100 per wedding from both of you would be fine.

TBH there are probably lots of people who can REALLY afford lots, and give little.

But enjoy the weddings, and I'm sure the B+G will be delighted you are there.

tinkerbell

jamesbondings wrote: »

i dont know, but wouldnt like to think that i was taking advantage or whatever, would rather just pay for meself, in terms of dinner etc....so they cover there costs for mine and my partners seat......no the two couples dont know each other

How much is it costing you to attend the wedding as it is?

jamesbondings

roughly between 300-400 for the week home without spending money, so 150- 175 for each wedding if you want to look at it that way....

bee06

OP, I got married last year and the average gift was 150 euro from a couple but these were people who were local and didn't have to stay the night in the hotel or travel etc. I would have been absolutely mortified if I thought any of my guests were worrying about how much to give and putting themselves under pressure. I'd much prefer they give nothing and enjoy the wedding.

If these people are worth your friendship they won't care what you give.

MadDog76

jamesbondings wrote: »

is that not stingy though? I mean i doubt that will even cover mine and my plus 1s day like......i could stretch it to 100, i just thought (perhaps naively) that 200-300 was normal.

Standard average is 100 euros per person, ie. if you are going as a couple it would be 200 euros .......... any more is generous, any less could be seen as stingy by the happy couple when they are opening the cards the following morning and comparing gifts which we all have done (or will do) after the wedding!

Having said that if you can only give 50 euros (100 euros as a couple) then so be it ......... if you give less than that then don't even bother going!!

eviltwin

I think it's the height of rudeness expecting a gift from a guest who has gone to the trouble and expense of traveling to be there.

nc19

jamesbondings wrote:

is that not stingy though? I mean i doubt that will even cover mine and my plus 1s day like......i could stretch it to 100, i just thought (perhaps naively) that 200-300 was normal.

I gave 400e for my best mates wedding.
I would be in the region of 100e for any other good friend. A not so good friend would be 50e

MadDog76

eviltwin wrote: »

I think it's the height of rudeness expecting a gift from a guest who has gone to the trouble and expense of traveling to be there.

I think it's the height of rudeness to accept a wedding invitation and not be able to afford a suitable gift for the couple ......... if you can't afford to go then don't go ......... saving yourself and the couple the expense involved.

eviltwin

MadDog76 wrote: »

I think it's the height of rudeness to accept a wedding invitation and not be able to afford a suitable gift for the couple ......... if you can't afford to go then don't go ......... saving yourself and the couple the expense involved.

Ridiculous. All our guests travelled from overseas to come to our wedding at great personal expense, they had to take that time from their holidays and there was no way I would accept anything on top of all that. Having them there really was present enough. I don't care that we didn't make back our costs. I'd be gutted someone missing my wedding over something as trivial as a gift.

MadDog76

eviltwin wrote: »

Ridiculous. All our guests travelled from overseas to come to our wedding at great personal expense, they had to take that time from their holidays and there was no way I would accept anything on top of all that. Having them there really was present enough. I don't care that we didn't make back our costs. I'd be gutted someone missing my wedding over something as trivial as a gift.

And that is honourable ........... however both Op's couples have made it quite clear they are expecting cash gifts so perhaps the better option (if expense is an issue) would be to respectfully decline the invitations.

Gatica

I can't imagine any good friend would prefer you not to come to the wedding if you couldn't give more than x mount in cash. It's insane.
We'd a friend that flew over from West coast USA for our wedding. We didn't get anything from him at all. We honestly didn't mind and were just glad he made it, we were really chuffed he'd used his time, holidays and money to make the trip, because we know it's not cheap.
What kind of people would we be if we preferred he didn't come at all?! beggars belief...

fits

OP like others say I wouldn't expect anything at all especially with your being a student and travelling. If you have to give something, fifty euro is loads.

ronjo

MadDog76 wrote: »

I think it's the height of rudeness to accept a wedding invitation and not be able to afford a suitable gift for the couple ......... if you can't afford to go then don't go ......... saving yourself and the couple the expense involved.

This is one of the worst posts I have ever seen in this forum.

It might be rude not to give a gift if you can afford it but it certainly isnt rude if you cannot afford it.

kandr10

MadDog76 wrote: »

Standard average is 100 euros per person, ie. if you are going as a couple it would be 200 euros .......... any more is generous, any less could be seen as stingy by the happy couple when they are opening the cards the following morning and comparing gifts which we all have done (or will do) after the wedding!

Having said that if you can only give 50 euros (100 euros as a couple) then so be it ......... if you give less than that then don't even bother going!!

I have to say when we got married 4 years ago this wasn't the case. The average gift was 100 for a couple. When I've been to weddings since and only been able to afford that, that's what we give , even if we're there as a couple. at the end of the day, not all couples have 2 incomes.
I see nothing wrong with giving €50 -€100 op but they really won't expect anything more from you and I'm sure they'll be delighted you can make it. It's likely if you hadn't asked they wouldn't have minded if you didn't give anything but were just answering the question honestly, which is easier to do with close friends.

Redser87

OP you are very generous to be thinking like this at all, no matter how much you end up giving. I think 50 each is plenty. There is also the option of waiting until after the wedding and sending them a card with more money within a year, if it really doesn't sit right with you to give less than 100.
I hate to think of our friends going through this worry before our wedding though, we have invited 20+ friends from abroad to our wedding and we were bowled over when most of them said they'd be there.. They are taking time out of their precious annual leave and spending money on flights and hotels so they can celebrate with us.. so if we get nothing from them that is perfectly ok!

An Bhanríon

Do you have to give them cash? Is there anything nice you could get in Spain, like a traditional thing given to couples getting married that would be unusual here and that wouldn't cost a lot? We got some lovely small gifts from abroad for our wedding.

As regards feeling the need to give them a gift, I didn't EXPECT a gift from anybody that game to my wedding. And I especially didn't expect anything from people who had travelled from abroad, since I knew what a sacrifice they were making both in time and money terms to get over to my wedding. That was enough for me.

I know the couple have said they would prefer cash, but have they said that directly to you or was it just a general thing you heard on the grapevine. Most couples getting married (I hope!!!) would be so chuffed that somebody travelled from abroad to their wedding that they would be delighted to get a small thoughtful gift to mark their wedding.

Tarzana2

tinkerbell wrote: »

I can't believe those couples both said they wanted cash when they know you are a student and travelling from Spain to attend!

It was probably a general request to all wedding attendees rather than a specific request to the OP? Not that I agree with that though anyway, and they should be more mindful of their guests travelling from far afield.

Tarzana2

MadDog76 wrote: »

if you give less than that then don't even bother going!!

I rreeeaaallly hope you're joking here!

Going to huge expense to travel from abroad to be at the wedding is an ample gift. Unless people see their friends and loved ones as cash cows.


Don't go if you can't afford it? Er no, I'd rather see my friend on the day sans gift then them not go.

NewCorkLad

MadDog76 wrote: »

I think it's the height of rudeness to accept a wedding invitation and not be able to afford a suitable gift for the couple ......... if you can't afford to go then don't go ......... saving yourself and the couple the expense involved.

Wow I just disagree with every part of this. :eek::eek:

OP just give the couple what you feel is right and can afford. The couple know you are a student and coming from abroad, they will not be expecting anything major from you and Im sure are just looking forward to having you there on their big day.

theteal

MadDog76 wrote: »

I think it's the height of rudeness to accept a wedding invitation and not be able to afford a suitable gift for the couple ......... if you can't afford to go then don't go ......... saving yourself and the couple the expense involved.

Welcome to opposite-land. This train of thought is completely backwards. You don't decide to put on a party and invite your friends to it and expect them to be out of pocket. You're putting on the party, you pay for it. A gift is just that, a gift. If people give them, great, I would not be expecting anything. This is coming from someone who's getting hitched, in 7 weeks tomorrow.

OP, I've been in very similar positions back in my student/unemployed days, do not feel stingy about whatever you give/dont give. Your friends will probably be embarrassed if they caught wind of you even having this turmoil on their account.

amdublin

jamesbondings wrote: »

i dont know, but wouldnt like to think that i was taking advantage or whatever, would rather just pay for meself, in terms of dinner etc....so they cover there costs for mine and my partners seat......no the two couples dont know each other

I see it from the opposite perspective. If I'm a b&g why do I need the "cost to be covered". I would never invite people to a birthday party or a house warming party and expect them to pay. And no different with a wedding party.

I want people there for their presence not their presence. I can't believe that when the op asked them they told her they wanted money....

Op, to answer your question, I think in order to avoid being seen as stingy, as you are spending so much money already that you should give 50 per you and 50 per your +1.

As explained above I don't agree with it and wish the b&g said they just wanted you there and not gift, but they want money, so give them money...

MadDog76

theteal wrote: »

Welcome to opposite-land. This train of thought is completely backwards. You don't decide to put on a party and invite your friends to it and expect them to be out of pocket. You're putting on the party, you pay for it. A gift is just that, a gift. If people give them, great, I would not be expecting anything. This is coming from someone who's getting hitched, in 7 weeks tomorrow.

OP, I've been in very similar positions back in my student/unemployed days, do not feel stingy about whatever you give/dont give. Your friends will probably be embarrassed if they caught wind of you even having this turmoil on their account.

The problem with that train of thought is the couple's wedding to which the Op has been invited have specifically requested cash gifts ......... therein lies the Op's problem, he can't afford to go under these circumstances.

solerina

jamesbondings wrote: »

is that not stingy though? I mean i doubt that will even cover mine and my plus 1s day like......i could stretch it to 100, i just thought (perhaps naively) that 200-300 was normal.

From someone fairly recently married the average is 100 for a one and either 150/200 for a couple....200 to 300 is certainly not normal. We only got 200+ from very close friends and family.

Also being a student and travelling from abroad you shouldn't consider giving above 100-150...that would be very generous given your circumstances !1

MadDog76

Tarzana2 wrote: »

I rreeeaaallly hope you're joking here!

Going to huge expense to travel from abroad to be at the wedding is an ample gift. Unless people see their friends and loved ones as cash cows.


Don't go if you can't afford it? Er no, I'd rather see my friend on the day sans gift then them not go.

That's how you feel, the couple in the Op don't share your feelings, they have specifically requested cash gifts ..........

prettygurrly

What a materialistic and horrible world some of the posters live in...you're having a party and getting married. There's a cost involved. If you can't afford to have your wedding then you shouldn't be having it. Relying on gifts "to cover a plate" is ridiculous and actually so incredibly out of touch with what getting married is all about.

OP, give what you can. Without you there they've one less friend seeing them on their happiest day. Your presence is worth more than any amount of money. Without guests there is no party.

amdublin

It's so strange. You are brought up to be nice and polite as a child and you'd never dream of asking someone for something for your birthday (for example) and you are taught to say thank you for a present no matter what it is and to appreciate it for the thought even if it is small.

Cue a wedding and all that goes out the window.
"We have been together for ages so we have everything we need so if you could just give us money please".

Em, if you have everything you need then why do you want money

I say this a lot in this forum but it is something I truly mean I want people for their presence, not their presents.
(And I also pay for parties, that I throw, myself!!!!!)

julyjane

jamesbondings wrote: »

i dont know, but wouldnt like to think that i was taking advantage or whatever, would rather just pay for meself, in terms of dinner etc....so they cover there costs for mine and my partners seat......no the two couples dont know each other

You didn't ask to attend the wedding, they invited you.

Seriously, if the most you can afford is €10, give them that. They've said they're hoping to get money so it's all going into the one pot anyway, if they end up with a total of €5010 or €5100 the €90 isn't going to make as much difference to them as it is to you.

Tarzana2

MadDog76 wrote: »

That's how you feel, the couple in the Op don't share your feelings, they have specifically requested cash gifts ..........

No shít!

Obviously that's how they feel, doesn't mean people have to alright with it.

ronjo

MadDog76 wrote: »

That's how you feel, the couple in the Op don't share your feelings, they have specifically requested cash gifts ..........

So he should give them a fiver and if queried say he is broke due to the huge expense he had getting to their wedding.

MadDog76

jamesbondings wrote: »

Long story short,

Two weddings in 5 days..... Im a student on erasmus in Spain at the moment, so going home specifically for these weddings.

I asked one friend if they had a gift list (never been to a friends wedding usually family stuff, and the parents look after the gifts).
They have just finished furnishing their home so were looking for a gift of money. Both friends (for both weddings) would prefer cash. Thats fine no issues there at all. But what would be deemed acceptable? Without sounding tight.....I have to book flights, rent a car, get a hotel in the area for the wedding/s. And im only a student. I would love to be in a position to give the both a couple of hundred yoyos but that (atm) just isnt feesable.

So what would be acceptbale? I am in a close group of friends so should i give too little it may seem like im being stingy.

Tarzana2 wrote: »

No shít!

Obviously that's how they feel, doesn't mean people have to alright with it.

ronjo wrote: »

So he should give them a fiver and if queried say he is broke due to the huge expense he had getting to their wedding.

That's easy enough for both of you to say, however it's the Op who has to deal with this situation and your advice, while well intentioned, is of little help to the Op ......... his choices are, as I see them, either somehow come up with the expected gift or make-up an acceptable excuse to politely decline the invitations.