PMS is no excuse

Georgie.Girl

... the title of this thread is deceiving.

For the second time in 2 weeks, I have been asked (by two different lads) if I was on PMS because I sounded snappy ...this after the guy offended me in some way.
I am sorry, but is this a standard go-to excuse for some lads to use after they do something wrong or wonder why women get upset?
Surely it can't be THEIR fault, after all :rolleyes: - it must be a woman's menstrual cycle! :mad:

Has this ever happened to you?
Are woman not allowed to have any emotions except cheery ones, without being labeled?
Is this a convenient excuse to curb the blame of their own bad behaviour?
Does such an accusation offend your female sensibilites the way it does mine?
Is there really such a general consensus that women cannot be in control of their faculties every day of the month?

IvyTheTerrible

It doesn't offend my female sensibilities. I do find it's a nice asshole indicator, though.

fits

What on earth are "female sensibilities" anyway?

Neyite

fits wrote: »

What on earth are "female sensibilities" anyway?

Something to do with swooning, corsets and smelling salts is my guess.

Yeah, like Ivy OP, its a pretty good Bellend indicator to me. And if it was said by a boyfriend or colleague it would be unacceptable to me.

I've only met one person who actually attributed her quite frankly horrible behaviour to her PMS, but I had my doubts as she let fly with her temper very selectively. When it progressed to her constantly having it every week, my suspicions were confirmed that she was just a horrible bad tempered person generally.

IvyTheTerrible

Just as an aside, I know one or two women myself who have used hormones (pms or pregnancy) as an excuse to behave badly. So it can work both ways.
Edit: Haha snap Neyite!

miamee

OP, stand up for yourself with these lads. Tell them you are not being snappy because of PMS you are being snappy because they are being rude/being assh0les - whatever you feel comfortable saying. Don't let them away with offending you once then offending you again when you challenge them on it, they are just deflecting. I'm assuming these lads are quite young and immature.

fits

Do women tell their colleagues that they have pms or period pain?
I had to postpone a meeting on monday (cramps, not pms) but i wouldnt tell my colleagues thats whats up with me. Just that im unwell and ill be alright again in a few hours.

miamee

I'd rarely have it bad enough to have to go home or postpone a meeting but I work with almost all men now - so I'd probably wouldn't give any details, just that I'm not feeling well. When I worked with all women though it was no big deal to ask each other if we had a tampon or sanitary towel (when caught by surprise) or for painkillers with a semi-regular occurance.

And then we wonder why men are clueless about it all

Neyite

I don't tend talk about any ailments or health issues much in work anyway. I just bore you lot on boards instead. I don't have painful periods luckily, so I've never needed to arrange my work around them.

Generally if I'm ill, I take something OTC for it. If I'm very ill, I stay home. I'll give a brief explanation -headache/ bug if I'm ringing in sick, but otherwise don't elaborate about any ailment unless asked. I don't think I've ever rang in sick for period pain. I did ring in sick with a migrane when I found out I'd a missed miscarriage, but that was more to do with me being too upset to discuss it rather than it being a women's problem, if you know what I mean.

I think there is nothing more boring than a colleague that witters constantly on about every ache and pain they have.

fits

miamee wrote: »

I'd rarely have it bad enough to have to go home or postpone a meeting but I work with almost all men now - so I'd probably wouldn't give any details, just that I'm not feeling well.

I just have a few bad hours every month where the surge of prostaglandins causes frequent toilet breaks- !). I had a meeting once away and had to get up every few minutes to run to the loo. Horribly embarrassing. So yeah i just cant have meetings during those few hours.

pwurple

Heh. I do get a bit more ... aggressive I suppose with hormones. Not rude (I hope!) but I absolutely try to be aware of it and if I can, use it to my advantage. If I've got a client who has been asking for last minute project changes, or some meeting where I have to make myself heard or kick butt in some way, I have occasionally scheduled the meeting close to when I know I'll be slightly more confrontational.

No-one has ever asked if about my hormonal state tbh, probably because I'd be quick enough to say something along the lines of. 'nope, must just be you'.

skallywag

pwurple wrote: »

...I have occasionally scheduled the meeting close to when I know I'll be slightly more confrontational...

Very good, and something which would never have crossed my mind before

meeeeh

I got 'Don't I know' reply today when I said to my partner that I have period. I could be a bit cranky and he was avoiding me yesterday in the office after I took the head of him. However I think it has to be period combined with stress before I react. But wrong contraception does seriously mess up with my mood. I switched pills last time after I slammed the door hard enough to break the handle. And that is not me, I don't break things or fall out with people in a sane condition. So I guess some mood swings could be contributed to hormones. But how much mps comments bother me it depends on the circumstances, sometimes they are annoying, sometimes I laugh them of. In fairness I get them very rarely.

fits

meeeeh wrote: »

. But how much mps comments bother me it depends on the circumstances, sometimes they are annoying, sometimes I laugh them of. In fairness I get them very rarely.

I never get those comments. I dont really get pms either though (except being slightly more likely to do housework) Anyone who made such a comment would be subject to my finest death stare. Its a terrible thing to say to anyone.

spurious

I'd say they'd soon stop if they were met by 'Are you in a mood because of your erectile dysfunction?' retorts.

TheBeardedLady

pwurple wrote: »

Heh. I do get a bit more ... aggressive I suppose with hormones. Not rude (I hope!) but I absolutely try to be aware of it and if I can, use it to my advantage. If I've got a client who has been asking for last minute project changes, or some meeting where I have to make myself heard or kick butt in some way, I have occasionally scheduled the meeting close to when I know I'll be slightly more confrontational.

No-one has ever asked if about my hormonal state tbh, probably because I'd be quick enough to say something along the lines of. 'nope, must just be you'.

Iiiiinteresting. I'm not a confrontational person day-to-day and generally bite me tongue and get on with it at work even when things bug the ****e out of me but the one time I speak up for myself is when I'm PMS but I've only copped onto that now after reading your post. Maybe I should start making a list of stuff I need to confront and save it for the few days leading up to my period....


OP, I haven't had that said to me since my early twenties - are these guys very young? If they're not, then jaysus. Cringe for them!

Dolbert

pwurple wrote: »

I have occasionally scheduled the meeting close to when I know I'll be slightly more confrontational.

Genius! I'm so doing this. I don't get aggressive but there are certain times of the month where I'm much more likely to call people on their bullish!t. I'm probably too passive the rest of the time so it's always met with surprise :pac: Pregnancy was great for that too!

AlteredStates

Ive been on receiving end of a work colleagues anger with pms, always know when shes due... Tis no excuse!

My pms i get teary emotional confused etc even my friends can tell its pms.

metaoblivia

I agree, it can be infuriating when someone assumes that you're angry/upset due to PMS. Although I haven't heard anything like that in years and have never had it directed toward me.

I like to think I'm pretty good about keeping myself in check during PMS. Many times I don't really notice an emotional change (I notice a physical one because the girls get really sore!), but once in a while I will. For example, this last time I was rehearsing a very sad song and usually, if I allowed myself to really get into it, some tears would come at the end. This time, the tears started at the very first line and I was like, "Why are these emotions all over my face right now - oh. It's almost time." And the next day... :P

kylith

Thanks to the pill I apparently, according to my ex, don't get PMS to any noticeable degree. I've still had a boss ask if I'm 'on the blob' when I tried to file a legitimate grievance about a co-worker. Taken aback doesn't describe my reaction.

fits

kylith wrote: »

Thanks to the pill I apparently, according to my ex, don't get PMS to any noticeable degree. I've still had a boss ask if I'm 'on the blob' when I tried to file a legitimate grievance about a co-worker. Taken aback doesn't describe my reaction.

What the hell? Id file a complaint about that. Fecking ridiculous in this day and age.

kylith

fits wrote: »

What the hell? Id file a complaint about that. Fecking ridiculous in this day and age.

Unfortunately we were related so there wasn't much I could do. If we weren't I would have.

Earthhorse

fits wrote: »

Do women tell their colleagues that they have pms or period pain?

I've one had one colleague do this with me (I'm a guy). She would ask my team whether anyone had any painkillers and when she got some she'd head back to her desk. Then she'd pop over the partition and whisper, "Hey, Earthhorse, you know this is just for my PMS?" and I'd be like "Oh, okay."

You know, now that I type that out it reads way more surreal than it was. I think because the team were all women bar me she maybe felt obliged to include me in. Or perhaps because my desk was the only one beside hers (she worked alone) she just wanted to share?

I don't know but I was never really sure how to respond anyway. I was in my early 20s then but I'm not sure I'd have any better idea what to do if it happened again. If you need to take painkillers work away, like it's none of my business, would be my attitude.

She was a nice girl all the same just probably guilt of oversharing. Man this post is rambling!

meeeeh

Was she making sure you wouldn't assume that she is hungover? Anyway I don't mind if people mention something in passing but I really don't need to know detailed information on ingrown toenails or anything else.

Earthhorse

No, I don't think so she wasn't really one for nights out. In a way she was right, it's just so unusual in my experience, but it shouldn't be taboo to mention it in passing as you say.

Georgie.Girl

miamee wrote: »

OP, stand up for yourself with these lads. Tell them you are not being snappy because of PMS you are being snappy because they are being rude/being assh0les - whatever you feel comfortable saying. Don't let them away with offending you once then offending you again when you challenge them on it, they are just deflecting. I'm assuming these lads are quite young and immature.

thanks for the good advice... actually they are in their mid 30's :eek: (I assume they know better by then)

spurious wrote: »

I'd say they'd soon stop if they were met by 'Are you in a mood because of your erectile dysfunction?' retorts.

oh my! that'd work!