One of my housemates is stealing my food. :(

Tea-a-Maria

I'm studying for exams at the moment, so I stocked up on frozen crap that I could just fire into the oven. So I come back from college earlier this week and am looking forward to that nice chicken pizza in the freezer. Head to the freezer, pizza gone!

Then this morning, I find a load of waffles in the toaster which have been robbed from my stash. They didn't even eat the damn things!

I've narrowed down the suspects to two people, but I havent had a chance to talk to them yet.

So, good people of AH, has this ever happened to you? What would you do in my situation? Write a passive aggressive note? Poison their beer? I could do with a laugh. :pac:

Nodin

Tea-a-Maria wrote: »

I'm studying for exams at the moment, so I stocked up on frozen crap that I could just fire into the oven. So I come back from college earlier this week and am looking forward to that nice chicken pizza in the freezer. Head to the freezer, pizza gone!

Then this morning, I find a load of waffles in the toaster which have been robbed from my stash. They didn't even eat the damn things!

I've narrowed down the suspects to two people, but I havent had a chance to talk to them yet.

So, good people of AH, has this ever happened to you? What would you do in my situation? Write a passive aggressive note? Poison their beer? I could do with a laugh. :pac:

Why be passive? Go the full aggressive.

Shurimgreat

There's only one thing for it, move your stash into your bedroom. Buy a mini fridge too. And a shotgun just to be sure.

Nodin

Shurimgreat wrote: »

There's only one thing for it, move your stash into your bedroom. Buy a mini fridge too. And a shotgun just to be sure.

A mini fridge with a lock, mind.

Xcellor

Tea-a-Maria wrote: »

I'm studying for exams at the moment, so I stocked up on frozen crap that I could just fire into the oven. So I come back from college earlier this week and am looking forward to that nice chicken pizza in the freezer. Head to the freezer, pizza gone!

Then this morning, I find a load of waffles in the toaster which have been robbed from my stash. They didn't even eat the damn things!

I've narrowed down the suspects to two people, but I havent had a chance to talk to them yet.

So, good people of AH, has this ever happened to you? What would you do in my situation? Write a passive aggressive note? Poison their beer? I could do with a laugh. :pac:

Pubes on the pizza seal it back up and wait for it to "disappear"

connundrum

1) Ask for a sit down, mention this as an agenda point.

Be honest and explain that this carry on is not acceptable.

2) Then threaten housemates with violence.

3) Then burn the house.

Points 2 & 3 are optional.

Eutow

Set fire to the fridge and freezer.

deadybai

Pee in the kettle for your own self gratification first anyways. Suit there watch them drink their tea and laugh

Aongus Von Bismarck

Pull them up about it. Don't be aggressive, but let them know that their actions are unacceptable. Don't let it fester inside you.

everdead.ie

Write 'Attenzione Ebola' on everything

Osborne

Laxatives.

Outkast_IRE

The only answer is to develop a slow acting poison that only you have the antidote to. Place it on some irresistable bait food, once the food goes missing announce to the house you hold the only antidote.

Plot twist : There is actually no antidote.

bjork

Hey dude! When are you replacing my pizza?

If that doesn't work, burn the house down

The Peanut

Thank whoever ate the frozen chicken pizza. Awful yolks.

efb

Chill dude! Or did they swipe your xanax too? :-P

Lapin

Xcellor wrote: »

Pubes on the pizza seal it back up and wait for it to "disappear"

Not gonna solve the OP's problem though is it?

The horrible scumbag lowlife pilfering thieving housemate will simply be eating pizza with an extra topping and not notice, so continue stealing. The vermin.

Meanwhile look at the weight falling off the poor starving shriveled up OP.

fleet_admiral

Top deck the cistern

efb

efb wrote: »

Chill dude! Or did they swipe your xanax too? :-P

Obvious food thief right here

bjork

Lapin wrote: »

Not gonna solve the OP's problem though is it?

The horrible scumbag lowlife pilfering thieving housemate will simply be eating pizza with an extra topping and not notice, so continue stealing. The vermin.

Meanwhile look at the weight falling off the poor starving shriveled up OP.

No, what would happen there is the OP would come in drunk some night and eat the deliciously pubey pizza with relish



Until they realise the next morning what exactly it is they have done

WhatNowForUs?

Defer your exams then you won't need frozen food.

Zippie84

Tea-a-Maria wrote: »

I'm studying for exams at the moment, so I stocked up on frozen crap that I could just fire into the oven. So I come back from college earlier this week and am looking forward to that nice chicken pizza in the freezer. Head to the freezer, pizza gone!

Then this morning, I find a load of waffles in the toaster which have been robbed from my stash. They didn't even eat the damn things!

I've narrowed down the suspects to two people, but I havent had a chance to talk to them yet.

So, good people of AH, has this ever happened to you? What would you do in my situation? Write a passive aggressive note? Poison their beer? I could do with a laugh. :pac:

Oh no, that's terrible. Life is so hard, isn't it?

diomed

Was that yours? Sorry.
An apology solves everything.

Links234

Nodin wrote: »

A mini fridge with a lock, mind.

Then get some surstromming, durian and natto and put 'em in containers in the shared fridge, so if anyone tries to nick 'em they'll be in for a biological warfare kinda retribution.

Seriously...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vEl6Ey8Gdc

Your housemates won't be such ****s in future then!

Ihatecuddles

Freeze their food, the stuff that doesn't need freezing.

Aongus Von Bismarck

WhatNowForUs? wrote: »

Defer your exams then you won't need frozen food.

You make a semi-valid point. Eating shedloads of processed and frozen food during an exam period isn't a good idea. Full of sugar and refined carbs. Stock up on plenty of veg, lean proteins, nuts and eggs. You won't hit 'the wall' during a study session.

diomed

You can buy laxatives that look like chocolate. Just saying.

efb

Mystery Egg wrote: »

Obvious food thief right here

I live alone- and love it

Ihatecuddles

efb wrote: »

I live alone- and love it

I sleep in a big bed with my wife.

efb

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I sleep in a big bed with my wife.

I hear plenty do

Ste-

I sleep in a racecar bed.

The Backwards Man

Buy loads of fresh fruit, vegetables and lean meat and make yourself a good healthy dinner every evening. You'll do far better in your exams, I guarantee it.


edit, fcuking hell I said the same thing as Aongus, God help me.

bjork

efb wrote: »

I hear plenty do

Buuuurrrnnnnnn!!!!




:pac:

Tea-a-Maria

For those who are concerned about my welfare (:p) I am eating a mix of food. I cook things like spag Bol and chilli in bulk, but sometimes you just want a big feck off pizza, you know?

Ihatecuddles

efb wrote: »

I hear plenty do

I don't even have a wife!

Ihatecuddles

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Buy loads of fresh fruit, vegetables and lean meat and make yourself a good healthy dinner every evening. You'll do far better in your exams, I guarantee it.


edit, fcuking hell I said the same thing as Aongus, God help me.

I just snorted laughing good advice though!

Eutow

Tea-a-Maria wrote: »

For those who are concerned about my welfare (:p) I am eating a mix of food. I cook things like spag Bol and chilli in bulk, but sometimes you just want a big feck off pizza, you know?

Washed down by Tia Maria......

Tea-a-Maria

Eutow wrote: »

Washed down by Tia Maria......

More so tea. Copious amounts of tea.

Shurimgreat

Build some sort of pressure pad system. When the pizza is lifted, alarm bells go off.

Here's a guide.

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Make-a-Ridiculously-Cheap-Analog-Pressure-S/

The Backwards Man

Tea-a-Maria wrote: »

For those who are concerned about my welfare (:p) I am eating a mix of food. I cook things like spag Bol and chilli in bulk, but sometimes you just want a big feck off pizza, you know?

Make a big pot of bolognese sauce and pour it in the toilet cistern. Then when one of them has a poop they'll think there's something terribly wrong with your frozen snacks and never touch them again.

*this will only work if they don't look at their poop before they flush, so you may have to ask them that*

pablo128

Say nothing. Take all their food and fcuk it straight in the bin. If they come asking, say 'jaysus I don't know, maybe it was the same bast@rd the swiped my pizza and waffles.'

Thidp

Laxative!

fleet_admiral

+

Thidp wrote: »

Laxative!

To expand on this, make a load of rice crispie cakesbut mix laxative into half the batch. Put the 'Turbo' cakes on a platter with a red napkin and the 'safe' ones on a white napkin.
Stand back and laugh

Spanish Eyes

Dragon's Den alert!

Design a lock box that cannot be broken into.... that is also fridge/freezer friendly.

Jeez I've just lost myself millions there amongst the house sharing fraternity!

But go ahead, steal my idea. When it's famous I'll know I thought of it first.

cruais

This happened to me when i was renting a room in my house.

My food was going missing. To make things worse the housemate was on of those annoying people who put their dinner pictures on facebook (who f ing cares), with the #healthydinners #fit me, and all that crap. These dinners were the meat i spent that extra bit of cash on in the butchers. Christ on a bike, it really annoyed me.

I ensured i had shelf space cleared for them, both In the press and fridge/freezer, also saying to them that i couldnt afford to be paying for their shopping as it was costing me double the amount.

The house mate assured me they would buy there on food. She didnt. She never bought toiletries either..... shampoo, conditioners, tampons, deodorant. ..you name it she took. Right down to using up all my husbands good aftershave.

She drank herself stupid every night, resulting in her lack of money and i found her in our room one day having a root so that was the end of that.... kicked out on her ass.

Stheno

The Backwards Man wrote: »

edit, fcuking hell I said the same thing as Aongus, God help me.

This may be a sign the world is eending!

kfrp

So the food that was taken was a pizza and waffles.

The culprit likes their convenience foods.

I suggest that you buy some frozen chicken goujons/nuggets and leave them out at room temperature for a couple of days then refreeze them.

Your food thief will have a nice dose of the scutters for a while once eaten.

Another suggestion would be to get a nice meat feast pizza and add some dog food to it before putting it back in the box. Yum Yum

Toots

Buy a load of tasty frozen food that could easily have stuff 'added' to it. Ice cream works well for this, or frozen lasagne etc. Get laxative tablets. Shít loads of them (pun intended), like I mean enough that you may need to visit more than one shop to get them all. Grind them all up to a find powder, then spike all the food you are putting in the freezer. What follows will be a nice experiment to see how intelligent your housemates actually are; how much of your food do they steal before they realise that's what's causing them to turn inside out. I'd only recommend this in a house that has more than one shared bathroom. If you want to be a real asshole about it, hide all the toilet roll.

lazybones32

Nice username.

Go into the kitchen when they're there and say "Whoever ate my chicken pizza, replace it please and don't eat my food again. Or at least have the manners to ask first." Feel free to add something about not being their mommy, if you want.

And then maybe stick their toothbrushes up your.... but something tells me you're too nice and civil to do something like that. *raises cup of tea in salute*

Mr Jinx

did anyone else just check this thread to make sure it wasnt about them?!

Eutow

Mr Jinx wrote: »

did anyone else just check this thread to make sure it wasnt about them?!

No, I'm not Alan Pardew.

cruais

Mr Jinx wrote: »

did anyone else just check this thread to make sure it wasnt about them?!

No.