Valentine's day break up

Luckycharms_74

I have been seeing this girl for a few months almost every day. She is separated and has a young kid. I made it clear from the very start that I was looking long term Into this relationship especially with a child involved.
Anyway I do what any boyfriend would do for his girlfriend, be there when she needs help , drop her or collect her from work, etc.
I would buy toys for the kid and we build up a bond. I would send her flowers every so often as well.
Friday I suggested we should have time together once kid Is asleep and have a bath with wine etc
She says "she's not comfortable doing that as we are more like friends than bf and gf. She proceeds to say that I'm different to the start and I'm not showing her romance, even though I told her numerous times that I loved her and the kid.
I had originally ordered flowers from florist for X value and a couple of female friends said to me don't send that to her and a card with chocolates will suffice.
Basically this is what happened yesterday. I call to her and gave her flowers, chocs and a card
She tells me that the flowers were an insult and the leaves were falling off them. I said to her do you think I would honestly get the sh1ttiest flowers and give them to you. She says where did you get them and why didn't I get florist ones delivered to her.
Whether I spent €5 or €500 on flowers should it not be the thought that counts ?
She proceeded to give me chocolates and NO card and after her saying that it's up to me to woo her and make her fall in love with me.
I'm like wtf are you serious. She says can I leave as she had to feed the child.
Numerous ppl have told me to just forget about her and I deserve to be treated better than that

Interested to hear POV from both sides here

charlietheminxx

Walk away OP. She's a user and sounds like she's taking you for a fool. Don't let her....

Honestly what a nasty piece of work. She's keeping you around to buy her things and do stuff for her, while telling you it's not really a romantic relationship. All the flowers in the world wouldn't be enough for this one.

Turbo Tom

Definitive user type, have been in this same type of relationship and trust me , get rid of that bitch and spare yourself the time, money and humiliation of being played for a fool, I didn't and I was a fool

akelly02

Get out of there immediately OP

Littlekittylou

If you have reported the situation accurately and genuinely then she is abusing your good nature.

And if she really is as you say my next question would be does she have any redeeming features?

She proceeded to give me chocolates and NO card and after her saying that it's up to me to woo her and make her fall in love with me.

I would have laughed in a guy's face if he said that to me. Listen you can't MAKE a girl fall in love with you through nice acts etc.

When two people really like each other they just DO That stuff. They don't do it to get someone they do it because it pleases them to. All that effort is not going to make her love you. And she is horrible. If there was any potential for her falling in love with you she would not be able to treat you like this.

You would both just be wooing each other naturally. It's an expression of emotion.

People just fall in love. Or they let themselves or something.

It's not about pleasing ....it's when the two of you just naturally are pleased.

Telling you there is no romance yet telling you off for there being no romantic gestures is bizarre. She is basically telling you that you are not her boyfriend but you are still on boyfriend duty.

She is using you.


Well I am sorry this happened to you OP.

When someone uses you or is nasty you know they feel nothing for you.

Take some alone time.

Take care.

mikemac1

You deserve better OP, walk away

dixiefly

As people have often said around here be thankful that you dodged a bullet.

If it was me I wouldn't contact her again.

Best of luck.

veganrun

Walk away and get someone decent who respects you and treats you like a grown up.

Honestly I don't even know if I would contact her again OP if I was you. I'd nearly just delete her details (number, Facebook, email etc) and move on and make no further contact.

seventeen sheep

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

I have been seeing this girl for a few months almost every day. She is separated and has a young kid. I made it clear from the very start that I was looking long term Into this relationship especially with a child involved.

How could you have been so certain of this from the start? It's a massive commitment to make, when (at the start) you didn't know her or anything about her.

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

Anyway I do what any boyfriend would do for his girlfriend, be there when she needs help , drop her or collect her from work, etc.

And I assume she's always done the same, or equivalent, for you too? Yes? No?

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

I would buy toys for the kid and we build up a bond. I would send her flowers every so often as well.

Alarm bells ringing - you've met her child already, and you're in a clearly unstable uncertain relationship? How soon did she introduce you to the child?

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

Friday I suggested we should have time together once kid Is asleep and have a bath with wine etc
She says "she's not comfortable doing that as we are more like friends than bf and gf. She proceeds to say that I'm different to the start and I'm not showing her romance, even though I told her numerous times that I loved her and the kid.

This is a personal question, but I assume you've been intimate with her before? Have you?

When you have told her in the past that you loved her and her child, how did she respond? And - it's not irrelevant - how does the child's father get on with you, and how does he feel about you loving his child? Particularly when you're not even in an established relationship with the child's mother?

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

I had originally ordered flowers from florist for X value and a couple of female friends said to me don't send that to her and a card with chocolates will suffice.
Basically this is what happened yesterday. I call to her and gave her flowers, chocs and a card
She tells me that the flowers were an insult and the leaves were falling off them. I said to her do you think I would honestly get the sh1ttiest flowers and give them to you. She says where did you get them and why didn't I get florist ones delivered to her.
Whether I spent €5 or €500 on flowers should it not be the thought that counts ?
She proceeded to give me chocolates and NO card and after her saying that it's up to me to woo her and make her fall in love with me.
I'm like wtf are you serious. She says can I leave as she had to feed the child.
Numerous ppl have told me to just forget about her and I deserve to be treated better than that

Interested to hear POV from both sides here

In my opinion, she's not into you. You shouldn't need to win her affections - she likes you or she doesn't. It seems she doesn't like you very much, let alone love you (as you say you love her.) Move on. Don't complicate matters by dragging it out, especially since there's a child involved.

By the way, does she even like chocolate and flowers? (Or do you even know?) Plenty of women don't. And they are such cliched gifts. I don't celebrate Valentines day with my boyfriend, but if we did, chocolate and flowers would be a bit of a slap in the face to me - that he wasn't able to think of anything I might actually like.

Luckycharms_74

Littlekittylou wrote: »

If you have reported the situation accurately and genuinely then she is abusing your good nature.

And if she really is as you say my next question would be does she have any redeeming features?





I would have laughed in a guy's face if he said that to me. Listen you can't MAKE a girl fall in love with you through nice acts etc.

When two people really like each other they just DO That stuff. They don't do it to get someone they do it because it pleases them to. All that effort is not going to make her love you. And she is horrible. If there was any potential for her falling in love with you she would not be able to treat you like this.

You would both just be wooing each other naturally. It's an expression of emotion.

People just fall in love. Or they let themselves or something.

It's not about pleasing ....it's when the two of you just naturally are pleased.

Telling you there is no romance yet telling you off for there being no romantic gestures is bizarre. She is basically telling you that you are not her boyfriend but you are still on boyfriend duty.

She is using you.


Well I am sorry this happened to you OP.

When someone uses you or is nasty you know they feel nothing for you.

Take some alone time.

Take care.

Thanks for that reply. Now that you mention it about her redeeming features I can't really say she has many because she has not shown them towards me.
Yes she's very attractive but it's like she can just use that as her main attribute.
It's like I was someone to help her with the child , housework , taxi service etc
more of a friend than a bf really.
I was Mr right NOW but not Mr Right for her.
It was an eye opener yesterday and it's probably best it happened now and not 6 months down the line when I get too attached to everything.
The early stages of any relationship should be fun and exciting , we should be all over each other and it takes 2 ppl to make that spark happen. No point all the affection coming from one side.
The most likely thing is that she saw me a security for her and kid and maybe hoped in the future she would fall in love with me.

KatW4

What a horrible woman. You sound like a lovely guy, you deserve so much better. As other posters have said, walk away. You'll find someone who appreciates your kind and loving gestures.

Good luck OP.

Luckycharms_74

seventeen sheep wrote: »

How could you have been so certain of this from the start? It's a massive commitment to make, when (at the start) you didn't know her or anything about her.

I should have stated in my OP that I have known her about 18 months just as a friend. We dated in Feb 14 for a few dates but she said she wasn't interested then. After some talk in Oct 14 we dated again and she said that she judged me different in our first dates and kept saying please don't change always be nice to her.

seventeen sheep wrote: »

And I assume she's always done the same, or equivalent, for you too? Yes? No?

Honestly It was more me giving than her.

seventeen sheep wrote: »

Alarm bells ringing - you've met her child already, and you're in a clearly unstable uncertain relationship? How soon did she introduce you to the child?

I met the child last year and when we started dating in Nov we broke up after a couple of weeks as she felt I wasn't looking at things long term and she didn't want the child getting attached.
She said this cause I was saying lets take things day by day and build it from there. When I told her that I'm not jumping into a relationship lightly especially with a young kid involved we started back dating.

seventeen sheep wrote: »

This is a personal question, but I assume you've been intimate with her before? Have you?

Yes we have slept together

seventeen sheep wrote: »

When you have told her in the past that you loved her and her child, how did she respond? And - it's not irrelevant - how does the child's father get on with you, and how does he feel about you loving his child? Particularly when you're not even in an established relationship with the child's mother?

When i told her that I loved her she said its a bit soon in the relationship to be saying that. Then last month when I told her look I really love you both and will care for you she said she loved me too.
The child's father lives a couple of hours away and only sees the kid once a week. By her account of him he was a nutcase and she didn't want anything to do with him.

seventeen sheep wrote: »

In my opinion, she's not into you. You shouldn't need to win her affections - she likes you or she doesn't. It seems she doesn't like you very much, let alone love you (as you say you love her.) Move on. Don't complicate matters by dragging it out, especially since there's a child involved.

As she said yesterday "I'm sorry but I LIKE you but I'm not IN LOVE with you"

seventeen sheep wrote: »

By the way, does she even like chocolate and flowers? (Or do you even know?) Plenty of women don't. And they are such cliched gifts. I don't
celebrate Valentines day with my boyfriend, but if we did, chocolate and flowers would be a bit of a slap in the face to me - that he wasn't able to think of anything I might actually like.

Yes she told me she loves to receive flowers from me, and yes she likes chocolates. I know its a cliche gift.
Honestly i think she has been waiting for a chance to say what shes feeling , yesterday just gave her the ideal excuse to use it as my fault etc.

If it makes any difference but she is Eastern European & from speaking to another guy who dated one such girl he said to me.
They all have a different mentality and they love to be lavished with gifts , it's like they see it as a social status to tell their gf's

giggle84

Oh my god she sounds like a horrible person!! Imagine criticising the flowers you bought her, that's outrageous behaviour!! OP this girl will make your life miserable.. walk away.

TheBeardedLady

Ehhhh :eek: Tell her to eff off and get on with your life. What a prat.

Mr_Spaceman

Get the hell out of there, OP. What a horrible person you've been dealing with.

Just go now and DO NOT look back. Delete her contact details immediately. You deserve better.

Let the awful, materialistic, child-princess be someone else's problem.

Stavro Mueller

You're giving her too much leeway because she's Eastern European. I don't care if she's from Eastern Europe or East Wicklow. You've dodged a bullet here - someone with an attitude like this will never be happy. When the dust settles you'll come to realise just what a bullet you've dodged here. It sounds like it was a one-sided relationship and it was only ever going to get worse. Hopefully you're realising what a mean-minded person she is. You're too good for her. Hopefully you'll meet someone else who's worthy of your good nature.

Also, further down the line there's no guarantee she wouldn't decide that she was homesick, missed her family and doesn't want to live in Ireland any more. Would you have been prepared to up sticks and move east? I've seen relationships and even marriages end over this issue.

Luckycharms_74

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

Mod Note: Please don't quote full posts. It only clogs up the thread with duplicate text.

Her parents live here near her and she can't move back home cause the kids father won't allow that

Luckycharms_74

She texts me this morning about picking up something from her appt.
I replied I'll be in touch in a few days to arrange.
Then numerous texts follow in quick succession saying how she sorry for what happened yesterday but if she don't like something she tells it straight.
She also said that because I was working last night I should have put more initiative into yesterday and gift.
Maybe I fcuked up there but i did suggest doing something romantic Friday night instead
She then texts me to say that I didn't introduce her to some of my family and I must have been ashamed cause of her English etc. Yet she has perfect English.
A female friend said its all mind games to make me feel guilty and not to respond.

She also called me which I didn't answer

lollsangel

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

Mod Note: Please don't quote full posts. It only clogs up the thread with duplicate text.

Read what you wrote there op. If that was a mate would you not tell him to walk away from the headf**k. She is twisting everything! I'd run away she's only going to destroy you longterm.

Taltos

Op being blunt you were seen as an easy mark here and all of this and the next few days will all be engineered to make you doubt yourself and feel guilty about wanting a normal relationship. I mean how dare you.

Bullet dodged... Don't second guess it.

Mr_Spaceman

She's trying to wreck your head here. Don't be manipulated or get involved.

Please listen to your female friend and stop being used as some kind of gullible 'provider'.

I'll say it again: you deserve better.

Go - and go now.

Stavro Mueller

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

Then numerous texts follow in quick succession saying how she sorry for what happened yesterday but if she don't like something she tells it straight.

Telling it straight can often translate into "I can say hurtful things but it's OK because I'm 'telling it straight". Her apology is mealy-mouthed and self-serving

She also said that because I was working last night I should have put more initiative into yesterday and gift.
Maybe I fcuked up there but i did suggest doing something romantic Friday night instead

Last time I checked, Valentine's Day was something for couples. Why couldn't she have organised something herself instead of sitting there on her throne, waiting to be venerated. At least she's being consistent though. You're still the one who's wrong. She's still sitting there with her hand out, waiting for more.

So far not one person on this thread is telling you to try again with this one. What does that tell you?

Luckycharms_74

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

Telling it straight can often translate into "I can say hurtful things but it's OK because I'm 'telling it straight". Her apology is mealy-mouthed and self-serving



Last time I checked, Valentine's Day was something for couples. Why couldn't she have organised something herself instead of sitting there on her throne, waiting to be venerated. At least she's being consistent though. You're still the one who's wrong. She's still sitting there with her hand out, waiting for more.

So far not one person on this thread is telling you to try again with this one. What does that tell you?

Yeah all posts have been saying the same thing.
I need to wake up and just move on.

mada82

She's a head wrecker. Move on. You will look back and be annoyed at yourself for putting up with it at all.

deise08

She says she doesn't love you but yet wants all the things that a boyfriend does?


seriously????????

Saipanne

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

Mod Note: Please don't quote full posts. It only clogs up the thread with duplicate text.

Sounds like a horrible person.

Mr_Spaceman

deise08 wrote: »

She says she doesn't love you but yet wants all the things that a boyfriend does?


seriously????????

With some people you simply couldn't redden their neck with a blow torch. Incredible, really.

It's just unfortunate the OP has got involved with this one.

But, ultimately, the answer is very straightforward - hit the ejector button and don't look back.

seenitall

Hi OP,

I am a single mum from Eastern Europe originally, and I have to say your friend's generalisation about EE women triggered me somewhat. I'd like you to know that we are not all like your user girlfriend/ex. Actually, most people are decent or semi-decent anyway, wherever they come from; most people aren't scummy users who prey on people's needs and vulnerabilities to use to their advantage. You just happened to have had bad luck of running into one. There are some gems like that in every nationality.

I've never looked for money or status in a man, it doesn't mean heck to me, or any of my EE friends either. I am dating a man who doesn't have to feel under any pressure to buy me gifts or spend money on me, in fact when he bought me a lot of nice gifts for Christmas I can honestly say I was rightly embarrassed because I didn't match his spend in return, so at the moment I'm trying to make up for it by buying food and dinners on occasion. I'm dating him because I'm crazy about him as a person, not about his bank account or the rate of florist deliveries, and yes, his thoughtfulness and generosity are lovely qualities in a man, but the difference between a scabby user and a normal person is that a normal person appreciates that generosity and doesn't take it for granted, let alone demand it, like an entitled little princess!

In short, you met a user, now do as you should as a sane man, and dump her so fast her head gives a spin. Learn from this, that in a relationship, you should be enough for who you are and for what you can offer from the heart, and when that is not good enough for somebody - you walk away.

Luckycharms_74

seenitall wrote: »

Hi OP,

I am a single mum from Eastern Europe originally, and I have to say your friend's generalisation about EE women triggered me somewhat. I'd like you to know that we are not all like your user girlfriend/ex. Actually, most people are decent or semi-decent anyway, wherever they come from; most people aren't scummy users who prey on people's needs and vulnerabilities to use to their advantage. You just happened to have had bad luck of running into one. There are some gems like that in every nationality.

I've never looked for money or status in a man, it doesn't mean heck to me, or any of my EE friends either. I am dating a man who doesn't have to feel under any pressure to buy me gifts or spend money on me, in fact when he bought me a lot of nice gifts for Christmas I can honestly say I was rightly embarrassed because I didn't match his spend in return, so at the moment I'm trying to make up for it by buying food and dinners on occasion. I'm dating him because I'm crazy about him as a person, not about his bank account or the rate of florist deliveries, and yes, his thoughtfulness and generosity are lovely qualities in a man, but the difference between a scabby user and a normal person is that a normal person appreciates that generosity and doesn't take it for granted, let alone demand it, like an entitled little princess!

In short, you met a user, now do as you should as a sane man, and dump her so fast her head gives a spin. Learn from this, that in a relationship, you should be enough for who you are and for what you can offer from the heart, and when that is not good enough for somebody - you walk away.

Excellent post thanks for you opinion.
It's like she thinks she did nothing wrong and that she deserves all these gifts to woo her.
It should be a 2 way street in any relationship.
I will admit that I will find it hard to turn off my feelings but I know that I will have to and move on.
Every one has told me in real life and on here that I need to just quit and move on with my life. It's for my own good and I just hope I can go through with it

Mr_Spaceman

I don't care how much of a 'hottie' she is - nothing and no-one is worth the kind of soul-sapping, confidence-draining crap you're going through.

Not one person - not one - is defending or justifying her behaviour. That tells you all you need to know.

Remember, also, there's a huge difference between concepts of 'good looking' and 'attractive'. And, suffice to say, it appears she's been well and truly found out when it comes to the latter.

Have faith, courage - and do what you know you honestly need to do.

You seem like a good guy and life is too short to waste your kindness, heart and generosity on ungrateful, corrosive people.

Good luck.

banie01

Hiya luckycharms.
When I read your post my 1st 2 thoughts were "poor bastard" and "Eastern european".
With my 2nd thought, yes it's a horrible racist stereotype and one all too often easily jumped to...
But in my own experience and those others I have come across it's the exception to the above that proves the rule.
I'd echo the majority of sentiments from posters on heRE in telling you to cut her loose.
She involved you in her child's life before there was any real notion of what your relationship would be.
She might have hoped you were the one (or at least the next one) but that's a bit too quick to be introducing partners to kids...
She really comes across as a demanding princess.
You said yourself, relationships are meant to be fun early on, getting to know each other and seeing how ye connect.
If the early days are this much drama, get out now and don't look back.
Let her find a bloke in need of a damsel, don't put yourself in place of her Prince Charming because you will end up constantly doubting her commitment to you....
Are you buying her good enough trinkets to keep her?
Relationships aren't about gifts, they are about happiness and mutual support and shared affection.
She needs to realize that.

Good luck and mind yourself.

Stavro Mueller

My gut feeling is that you don't want to break up with her and won't be doing so. That being the case, be very careful you don't get her pregnant.

I'd love to know what exactly it is about her that is so great. Why she has this hold over you? It's a given that she's a hottie and you're dead proud to have this Eastern European goddess on her arm. After that though - can you give us reasons why she's so great? Why you're trying to buy your way into her affections?

TheBeardedLady

Lust is a powerful force and I'll admit I've taken treatment I shouldn't have because of it....but I eventually walked away and although it was terrible at the time and very hard, I don't regret that day I turned my back on them and got my dignity back.

Luckycharms_74

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

My gut feeling is that you don't want to break up with her and won't be doing so. That being the case, be very careful you don't get her pregnant.

I'd love to know what exactly it is about her that is so great. Why she has this hold over you? It's a given that she's a hottie and you're dead proud to have this Eastern European goddess on her arm. After that though - can you give us reasons why she's so great? Why you're trying to buy your way into her affections?

Yeah you may be right regarding ditching her as honestly I don't know what to do.
She doesn't have any hold over me and I would make sure I don't get her pregnant
That's the last thing I need.
I'm not looking at her like some trophy on my arm and I should not have to try and buy her affections
I don't know if sitting down and talking to her will be of any benefit or maybe she will just slap it back into my fsce.

I told her I need some headspace for a few days

I appreciate everyone comments and they have swayed me in one direction
I just need to make myself realise that it's for the best that I need to finish with her

Stavro Mueller

Don't say you weren't warned. Oh, and watch your bank balance. She's going to cost you a lot of money before you wake up and smell the coffee. I'm out.

deise08

You seem like a nice fella. you deserve to be treated better. never mind her.
I know if I was given flowers,(Not that I ever have been.) I wouldn't be insulting them. I'd be delighted.

you deserve so much more! I only hope you see that soon.

she doesn't even respect you.

The Princess Bride

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

. Now that you mention it about her redeeming features I can't really say she has many because she has not shown them towards me.

It's like I was someone to help her with the child , housework , taxi service etc
more of a friend than a bf really.

The most likely thing is that she saw me a security for her and the kid.

Your words, not ours.
Copy and paste and save on your phone - when she's in contact again-and she will be- remind yourself what you wrote.

You deserve better!

mada82

Cop yourself on. You are being treated like a mug.

Have some respect for yourself and walk away.

In 2 months time you will be glad you did.

Chucky the tree

haha, she'll be begging you to take her back soon. OP you really need to do a huge amount of work on your self-esteem.

dove2011

walk away... she doesn't deserve you. life is too short. hope you get your happy ending but with someone else.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't be into the whole valentines day cr**p and I wouldn't expect my oh to get me flowers or any of the stuff that goes with the whole valentines day lark. But you made the effort with her because you like her and she threw it back in your face saying you have to woo her ! for fffs sake not even a thank you and no appreciation for your efforts..that's just mean. Now that you've given her the silent treatment she's texting you and calling you!
What does that tell you? that you are like a dog on a leash to her she can reel you in and let you off the leash whenever she wants!

As other posters and your own friends have already told you walk away from this, look at her as an example of what you don't want from a relationship.

She might be a looker but beauty is only skin deep and she's not going to be a looker forever

Littlekittylou

Your existence should be enough. If they do not kiss you urgently and often, find someone who understands that lips in the presence of love should ignite passion.

If you go on with this there is a chance this bruising will destroy your innocence. You will be left to question everything. It's hard to understand why some people act the way they do. Never underestimate a manipulative person like this woman in their ability to make you pay for their wrong doings.


Don't let someone have what you have to give until they love your idiosyncrasies and you theirs, your soul or whatever.

Just because a bad person treated horribly does not make you any less desirable or valuable. Her expression of abuse is her ugliness not yours. Your expression of love is what is precious in you.

I don't know what you will do. I do know that one of the most lovely things in the world is when you see a couple together and you just go 'oh aren't they so good to each other'.

I am sure all of your friends would love to say that for you and someone.

I, like everyone I am sure here, respect your choices. Decide what you want. Decide you deserve what you want because you do.

If people knew that they were worthy then they would trust themselves and others more.


She sees love in the expression of 'stuff' and it's empty. That's why a room full of stuff is never enough and she will always need more. She is not moved by kindness or magic..... and she is probably way too thick skinned and insensitive to be bruised into good behavior by silent treatment or whatever. That sort of thing only hurts the nice people unfortunately. She will only stick around for as long as she thinks she will get something. And in the end that fact will hurt you more than anything and it will hurt because you are a nice person and you can't change that. Love with her would be like showing a masterpiece to a blind man. She is cold and detached from you. She can't give it to you. You have to understand when someone says that you have to 'work' or 'woo' for mere respect or decency or love, they are asking you to apologize for merely being who you are. For not being who you think you should be and they have convinced you that you should apologize for the differences between you what they want you to be or how they want you to behave. This isn't because you are treating them badly but because they want you to behave anyway they want you to.

I promise you faithfully not all of us women are like this woman. In fact the majority are not like her at all.

I am a single mum from Eastern Europe originally, and I have to say your friend's generalisation about EE women triggered me somewhat. I'd like you to know that we are not all like your user girlfriend/ex. Actually, most people are decent or semi-decent anyway, wherever they come from; most people aren't scummy users who prey on people's needs and vulnerabilities to use to their advantage. You just happened to have had bad luck of running into one. There are some gems like that in every nationality.

See not even eastern european women are like her.

You have nothing to forgive yourself for falling for her or being kind. After all you have been through you do deserve to be happy.

Start visualizing what a HEALTHY relationship looks like on both sides.

It's like she thinks she did nothing wrong and that she deserves all these gifts to woo her.
It should be a 2 way street in any relationship.
I will admit that I will find it hard to turn off my feelings but I know that I will have to and move on.

Manipulative people are experts at making you think you must apologize for their wrong doing like I said. The control freak who makes you prove you are worthy before you have even met. Don't blame yourself for being confused.

It's tough to measure demonstrations of love. You just know something is 'off'.

But by the way by getting you into the habit of 'buying' love or making you think you have to 'get love' from someone in any way she is misshaping you for life.

Learn to imagine a sweeter love story.

You can't be asked to earn a woman's love anymore than we can be asked to earn yours.

Love is just something you fall into. Ugh it's not nearly that trite. But anyway.

We have all been there it's very tough to get over being so guarded OP.
Make sure saying yes to people is not saying no to you. Look after yourself it's exhausting otherwise.

She has brought nothing but hurt to you.
Good luck.

Luckycharms_74

Littlekittylou wrote: »

Your existence should be enough. If they do not kiss you urgently and often, find someone who understands that lips in the presence of love should ignite passion.

If you go on with this there is a chance this bruising will destroy your innocence. You will be left to question everything. It's hard to understand why some people act the way they do. Never underestimate a manipulative person like this woman in their ability to make you pay for their wrong doings.


Don't let someone have what you have to give until they love your idiosyncrasies and you theirs, your soul or whatever.


I promise you faithfully not all of us women are like this woman. In fact the majority are not like her at all.

See not even eastern european women are like her.

You have nothing to forgive yourself for falling for her or being kind. After all you have been through you do deserve to be happy.

Start visualizing what a HEALTHY relationship looks like on both sides.

Learn to imagine a sweeter love story.

You can't be asked to earn a woman's love anymore than we can be asked to earn yours.

Love is just something you fall into. Ugh it's not nearly that trite. But anyway.

We have all been there it's very tough to get over being so guarded OP.
Make sure saying yes to people is not saying no to you. Look after yourself it's exhausting otherwise.

She has brought nothing but hurt to you.
Good luck.

Thank you so much for posting that.
I will look after myself and reevaluate my situation.
I'm gonna take a holiday and just forget about everything.
It's probably what I need right now.

I will keep you posted on whatever happens.
Thanks again

LegacyUser

This is very one-sided, folks. Remember we are getting this from OP's perspective. My ex broke up with me because he felt that he was doing all the running around, treating me like a princess and not getting much back and that I was always wanting more and more. I'm sure he could post about that and have everyone telling him he dodged a bullet and what a cow I am.

The truth was that while he did run around doing most of the housework, I was absolutely crippled with depression and anxiety. I was snappy and irritable and sometimes downright mean, as a cry for help, honestly. I often told him directly how much I was suffering and begged him to help me find help (therapy, group meetings, medication) and he just brushed me off. I realise now that I had absolutely zero emotional support from him. He made me feel silly for being concerned about people treating me badly, he let one of his female friends treat me like absolute rubbish (and this was agreed by everyone who witnessed it, wasn't in my head) without standing up for me at all, he dismissed all my worries and concerns. Yes, he was the 'perfect boyfriend' in that he bought me lovely jewellery and made the dinner every night, but I was falling apart and I just needed someone to be there for me.

So while he felt that he was leaving someone who was horrible and treated him badly, I felt he was leaving someone pretty seriously ill who needed him. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I'm pretty sure I'd have tried to get him some help because I cared about him. There are two sides to every story.

Luckycharms_74

Unregistered wrote: »

This is very one-sided, folks. Remember we are getting this from OP's perspective. My ex broke up with me because he felt that he was doing all the running around, treating me like a princess and not getting much back and that I was always wanting more and more. I'm sure he could post about that and have everyone telling him he dodged a bullet............

You are right. There are 2 sides to every story and I'm not portraying her to be a monster and me a saint. I'm just saying how things went down.
Someone said to me that most probably she was only waiting to pick an argument to break up and the flowers were the perfect opportunity. They said that a woman with a child who's in a relationship would not just quit it UNLESS she has someone else on the scene. I don't know how true that is but that was the what the girl told me when she heard.

mada82

Don't be listening to that last posters guilt trip.

The one you're dealing with is a c**t

njs030

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

You are right. There are 2 sides to every story and I'm not portraying her to be a monster and me a saint. I'm just saying how things went down.
Someone said to me that most probably she was only waiting to pick an argument to break up and the flowers were the perfect opportunity. They said that a woman with a child who's in a relationship would not just quit it UNLESS she has someone else on the scene. I don't know how true that is but that was the what the girl told me when she heard.

Like everything in life all women (and men) are different.
I would totally disagree with that statement, it's more likely someone would finght for their relationship if they had a child WITH the person, but that's not the case here. You aren't the child's father and it wasn't a long term relationship either which makes it easier to let go. You will wreck your head wondering if shes with someone else.

However, focusing on why she ended it is less important than focusing on how you feel.
Would you be happy to get back together and be treated like this again?
What are you getting from this? Relationships are about 2 people and both should be happy. If you aren't then maybe it's a good time to cut your losses.

Littlekittylou

Unregistered wrote: »

This is very one-sided, folks. Remember we are getting this from OP's perspective. My ex broke up with me because he felt that he was doing all the running around, treating me like a princess and not getting much back and that I was always wanting more and more. I'm sure he could post about that and have everyone telling him he dodged a bullet and what a cow I am.

The truth was that while he did run around doing most of the housework, I was absolutely crippled with depression and anxiety. I was snappy and irritable and sometimes downright mean, as a cry for help, honestly. I often told him directly how much I was suffering and begged him to help me find help (therapy, group meetings, medication) and he just brushed me off. I realise now that I had absolutely zero emotional support from him. He made me feel silly for being concerned about people treating me badly, he let one of his female friends treat me like absolute rubbish (and this was agreed by everyone who witnessed it, wasn't in my head) without standing up for me at all, he dismissed all my worries and concerns. Yes, he was the 'perfect boyfriend' in that he bought me lovely jewellery and made the dinner every night, but I was falling apart and I just needed someone to be there for me.

So while he felt that he was leaving someone who was horrible and treated him badly, I felt he was leaving someone pretty seriously ill who needed him. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I'm pretty sure I'd have tried to get him some help because I cared about him. There are two sides to every story.

I'm sorry that you were in pain. But why couldn't you get your own therapy?

If he wasn't what you needed why did you not leave instead of abusing him?

If you needed him because you were ill yet too ill to be decent to him then you needed to be alone.

Why did he have to get you help? You weren't asking him to pay were you?

Basically you are saying he didn't have what you needed emotionally but took you out to dinner so you stayed with him and abused him???

That's nuts!

By the way I am single I have never NEEDED a man to get me therapy.


When you are really crazy you don't find therapy, therapy finds YOU!

It doesn't sound like you learnt anything either.



OP seriously consider your own state of mind. You sound like you have low self esteem or something. I am not being mean. I am just going to say this. You sound like prey. You come across as a target. Naive. Sorry but there I said it. I think she is doing your head in.
It's your decision.

Take care xx

Luckycharms_74

Littlekittylou wrote: »

OP seriously consider your own state of mind. You sound like you have low self esteem or something. I am not being mean. I am just going to say this. You sound like prey. You come across as a target. Naive. Sorry but there I said it. I think she is doing your head in.
It's your decision.

Take care xx

Thanks for that little kitty Lou. We met few days ago and it's finished for good.
She basically said that I didn't show enough love towards her and she didn't feel a flame or spark.
Even though i had told her numerous times that I loved her very much.
The Valentine's day was an issue and maybe I should have planned something seeing as it was our 1st one and as I was working that night.
It sort of ended on a bad note and she said some things to me that will knock my self esteem.
I don't hate her or anything and she said we won't end on a sour note.
Honestly it's hard for me and I feel a bit empty inside. Like any relationship it's hard when it breaks down. Speaking to numerous female friends they tell me to pick myself up and never know what's around the corner.
I'm gonna book that holiday and reevaluate things.

Thanks for your input x

smileyj1987

Glad it's all over and done with you deserve better then that crap tbh ! She is a fool , you shouldn't need to spend a fortune on valentines day or any other day your company should have been enough to make her happy !!
Having to woo someone or the likes is a load of bs , it's one of those things that both people involved should feel for each other.
It's obvious she didn't feel that way and in the end the real side of her surfaced like it always does !!

Chucky the tree

Luckycharms_74 wrote: »

Thanks for that little kitty Lou. We met few days ago and it's finished for good.
She basically said that I didn't show enough love towards her and she didn't feel a flame or spark.
Even though i had told her numerous times that I loved her very much.
The Valentine's day was an issue and maybe I should have planned something seeing as it was our 1st one and as I was working that night.
It sort of ended on a bad note and she said some things to me that will knock my self esteem.
I don't hate her or anything and she said we won't end on a sour note.
Honestly it's hard for me and I feel a bit empty inside. Like any relationship it's hard when it breaks down. Speaking to numerous female friends they tell me to pick myself up and never know what's around the corner.
I'm gonna book that holiday and reevaluate things.

Thanks for your input x

A holiday is nice and all but if money is tight spend the money on counselling tbh. It will do far more good for you in the long run.