Baby Showers?

spottybananas

Some girls I know basically demanded that they have two showers organised each, one where they live now and one where they are from Talk about grabby. I hate baby showers, just have a night in or out with friends, or as someone said use it as an excuse to get friends together before the baby is born. But expecting gifts at the shower is not on in Ireland, we are used to giving gifts after the birth and/or at the christening, but if you show up to a baby shower empty handed you will be the odd one out.

One of the showers I went to was for a friend, she didn't want it, but her inlaws organised it for her...except me and her were left to do all food prep, house cleaning, and tidying after they all went home :rolleyes: Sitting around nattering on about pregnancy/baby old wives tales, fawning over gifts for someone who has yet to be born safely and playing god awful games just baffle me!

(spot the person who didn't have a hen party either lol)

skallywag

spottybananas wrote: »

Some girls I know basically demanded that they have two showers organised each, one where they live now and one where they are from Talk about grabby.

I can understand a situation how someone may have it thrown for them as a surprise event. Having the pregnant woman actually complicit in the organisation smacks of greed & self entitlement though in my book. Unless the protocol is that no gift is then given once the baby is actually born of course?

spottybananas

skallywag wrote: »

I can understand a situation how someone may have it thrown for them as a surprise event. Having the pregnant woman actually complicit in the organisation smacks of greed & self entitlement though in my book. Unless the protocol is that no gift is then given once the baby is actually born of course?

Yeah they asked that two be organised, these girls don't know each other, just an odd coincidence that they both did the same thing and requested that their friends and family organise two. I gave a small gift at the shower to one and then gave her a small gift at the christening, I was annoyed at having to give twice, but I couldn't go to a christening with a card and not give a gift, the shower had been 6 months earlier at that stage like. For the other I didn't attend the applicable shower, and gave her a "better" gift at the christening, like I usually would, rather than two smaller gifts. Minefield!

seventeen sheep

I had a surprise baby shower thrown for me. As I hate surprise parties and dislike the whole concept of baby showers, this was horrible for me, although of course I was very grateful to all involved (I just really wished they hadn't done it, it never occurred to me that they might!)

I would say that, yes, a present is expected (part of the reason I dislike the concept!) In fact they got me to open all of the presents there and then, cringey. The best present I got was a lovely maternity top. I was at the stage where I was sick of all my maternity clothes, but couldn't justify spending money on more, so it was lovely to get something new.

nearzero

I had an idea - I think I'm gonna make a cake Then it can be shared on the day - doesnt cost me the earth, is thoughtful & then I can save another present for when baby is born!

December2012

I was at one before and it was lovely. The mamma herself specified it was not about getting gifts, but a chance to catch up with her friends because she had been busy finishing up work and was starting maternity leave. She knew her afternoon lunches we're going to be on pause for a while and it was a lovely catch up.

There was no baby games, no gift opening, and yet it was a celebration of her journey into motherhood.

Perfect!

Ms2011

color_girl wrote: »

I had an idea - I think I'm gonna make a cake Then it can be shared on the day - doesnt cost me the earth, is thoughtful & then I can save another present for when baby is born!

That's exactly what some are doing for me. OH comes from a baking family so his sisters are making/bringing cake/cupcakes, I feel alot more comfortable with that & who doesn't like cake

pwurple

Ms2011 wrote: »

who doesn't like cake

The sugar-free/dairy-free/anti-gluten bunch.

I think that's a lovely idea. I was very down towards the end of my pregnancies, with no energy, feeling useless, but cake definitely perked me up!

Tasden

I love baby showers getting to shop in the newborn section again where all the clothes are adorable, the cute decorations, the silly games... love it all, the cheesier the better! Having said that, the only ones I ever go to are work related where it's arranged for the colleague taking her maternity leave, and some of us may not see her til she's back in work again or til she drops in with the baby to say hello. So it makes sense to have one and give gifts then, and it's like a send off almost.

If it was just a friend having one when I'd be seeing her and the baby again and I'd be attending the christening etc. I dunno if I'd like the idea. I also don't like the idea of buying for a baby before its born unless its a situation where you won't see them for a while (like above in the case of a colleague or a distant friend that you know you won't see again til the child is 6 years old or something!).

I didn't have a shower but my friends arranged a lovely night in for me after baby was born for them all to have a chance to meet baby and spend proper time chatting etc without other visitors around. They brought so much stuff I was overwhelmed, and not just cute stuff but practical things and clothes in a range of sizes. They also brought cake and it was so much better than a shower because it was all attention on the baby not me!

eviltwin

Hate hate hate them. I hate any kind of baby talk anyway and I'm a parent, it must be the height of boredom for someone without a child. And that's before you get onto the gift.

Ms2011

eviltwin wrote: »

Hate hate hate them. I hate any kind of baby talk anyway and I'm a parent, it must be the height of boredom for someone without a child. And that's before you get onto the gift.

That's easily resolved by not going to one though, just like a wedding invite a baby shower invite is just that, an invite, it's not a summons. If I thought I'd be bored to death at an event or it wasn't my cup of tea I'd RSVP not attending & let those who wanted to enjoy the day have their day.
Nothing worse than being at an event & having that one person there with a face on them like thunder cos they don't want to be there.

Digs

Ms2011 wrote: »

That's easily resolved by not going to one though, just like a wedding invite a baby shower invite is just that, an invite, it's not a summons. If I thought I'd be bored to death at an event or it wasn't my cup of tea I'd RSVP not attending & let those who wanted to enjoy the day have their day.
Nothing worse than being at an event & having that one person there with a face on them like thunder cos they don't want to be there.

Absolutely hit the nail on the head here!

I have no more or less of an issue with a baby shower than I would the growing trend of engagement parties, house warmings, 30th birthdays, anniversary celebrations etc etc! All of these you would bring a gift to, why do baby showers get such a bad rap? And in fairness 9 times out of 10 these events are organised by the people they are about whereas baby showers are normally a surprise or organised for someone.

I had a surprise one for thrown for me, wouldn't have requested one but it would lovely and so thoughtful and being the first of my friends to have a baba was a bit of a novelty for everyone. I really appreciated the effort everyone went to and was pretty overwhelmed.

The most recent one I was at was thrown for a friend who had a tough struggle to get pregnant, I was delighted to be part of something that made a bit of a fuss of her, had a few bubbles on her behalf and was nice to catch up with her before her baby arrived.

If it's not your kind of thing simply don't go, as MS2011 said it's not a summons, just an invite!

The american trend of "gender reveal parties"...... now that is something we could all do without

nearzero

Digs wrote: »

If it's not your kind of thing simply don't go, as MS2011 said it's not a summons, just an invite!

I cant lie - its definitely not my thing, but they are my friends - I'm happy to smile and chat away, they all know me well enough to know babies arent my thing either!

But I like my friends & like spending time with them - I'm just a bit surprised really, plenty of our friends have had babies with no showers in sight!

angeldelight

I can't stand the idea of them at all, my sister in law was trying to insist I have one, instead I'm going to afternoon tea with her, mother in law and my mam. To be honest I don't even want to do that but I haven't really been given a choice.

skallywag

Digs wrote: »

I have no more or less of an issue with a baby shower than I would the growing trend of engagement parties, house warmings, 30th birthdays, anniversary celebrations etc etc!

I would not think that house warmings, 30ths or anniversary celebrations are part of any growing trend, they have been around for yonks, but good God don't me started on engagement parties :mad:

deisemum

Baby showers wouldn't be my cup of tea, I think they're crass but each to their own.

bjork

Ms2011 wrote: »

.....
Alot of those going are pretty crafty though so I know one girl will make me a blanket & some of the other girls will bake so they still feel like they are bringing something.

WOW
So a blanket your friend spent weeks, if not months hand making, or a cake your other friend probably spent another couple of days baking and decorating
will "make them feel like they are bringing something"


What type of presents is expected at these things?

Allirog

I was at a baby shower once and hated it. There was balloons and banners and boring baby talk and a very tired mum to be. I came away from it with a headache so I can imagine how she felt. So wouldn't appeal to me and I certainly hope one is not organised for me.

Typer Monkey

Allirog wrote: »

I was at a baby shower once and hated it. There was balloons and banners and boring baby talk and a very tired mum to be. I came away from it with a headache so I can imagine how she felt. So wouldn't appeal to me and I certainly hope one is not organised for me.

Maybe mention to your friends in passing that you don't want one. It seems these things are being organised as surprises a lot of the time. I had to nip one being planned for me in the bud. There was one being organised for my friend too recently and her sister tipped her off cos she knew my friend would hate it and she nipped it in the bud too.

Ms2011

bjork wrote: »

WOW
So a blanket your friend spent weeks, if not months hand making, or a cake your other friend probably spent another couple of days baking and decorating
will "make them feel like they are bringing something"


What type of presents is expected at these things?

Their words not mine but well done twisting them:rolleyes:

pwurple

Eh, I've made loads of baby blankets and bake plenty too. You put as much effort in as you want. I can run off a blanket in an hour, or do a complicated one. Same for baking. Rice crispie cakes take about ten mins.

desbrook

bjork wrote: »

WOW
So a blanket your friend spent weeks, if not months hand making, or a cake your other friend probably spent another couple of days baking and decorating
will "make them feel like they are bringing something"


What type of presents is expected at these things?

Just so you know when Ms2011 used the word "crafty" quite possibly the word meant good at crafts such as blanket making and baking not sneaky so and so's..

Neyite

desbrook wrote: »

Just so you know when Ms2011 used the word "crafty" quite possibly the word meant good at crafts such as blanket making and baking not sneaky so and so's..

I make blankets and cakes and would describe it as crafty too. Most crafty people I know would.

bjork

Ms2011 wrote: »

Their words not mine but well done twisting them:rolleyes:

I didn't twist it. I quoted what you said, sounds crass, obnoxious and ungrateful when repeated back to you, does it?

Ms2011

bjork wrote: »

I didn't twist it. I quoted what you said, sounds crass, obnoxious and ungrateful when repeated back to you, does it?

Does my guests words (as that's who I was quoting) sound crass, obnoxious or ungrateful? No not at all, I wholeheartedly appreciate my friends gestures.
Dunno why you're trying to make out I'm some kind of gift grabbing, baby shower diva when I've already said (repeatedly) that I've requested no presents be brought. I'd just like lunch & a catch up with friends, or does that go against your biased view of baby showers??

bjork

Ms2011 wrote: »

Does my guests words (as that's who I was quoting) sound crass, obnoxious or ungrateful? No not at all, I appreciate wholeheartedly appreciate my friends gestures.
Dunno why you're trying to make out I'm some kind of gift grabbing, baby shower diva when I've already said (repeatedly) that I've requested no presents be brought. I'd just like lunch & a catch up with friends, or does that go against your biased view of baby showers??

You didn't say you were quoting your friends.

Ms2011 wrote: »

I had a baby shower on my last pregnancy 3 years ago so it's been around since then.
I'm pregnant again & having the shower in 10 days.
[B]I've asked for no presents though as most of the people going to the shower will buy for the baby when it's born & then when it's Christened so I feel it's a bit much to ask them to bring presents to the shower aswell, but that's just me.[/B]
Alot of those going are pretty crafty though so I know one girl will make me a blanket & some of the other girls will bake so they still feel like they are bringing something.

No presents were requested, because there seems to be an expectation that most attending will buy when the baby is born and also when the baby is christened.

2 presents is enough but 3 is gift grabbing?<< Have I got that right??


If it's just lunch with friends, what's with the presents and balloons? Why would presents and baloons even me a thing for "lunch with friends?"
Call it what it is

January

Stop the bickering or the thread will be closed and infractions and/or bans will be handed out.

nearzero

Well I've decided to bring a cake My financial situation is a bit tight at the minute so it suits me to make something rather than buy an outfit and then buy something again when the baby is born and then again with the possibility of a christening.

Anyway, one of the reason I was originally surprised is that in our group of friends - 4 others have had babies and no mention of showers, so just thought it was odd that all of a sudden we are having one for another friend. Those that have the babies are even at a loss to what to do a a baby shower! LOL!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Wow, are these even a thing? Super tacky.

MissFlitworth

I think the name 'baby shower' has been co-opted from American traditions and tv and used to name a much nicer type of event here, as in a gathering of the friends and family of a soon to be new Mother. An event to hang out with and celebrate with someone who is going to have a baby sounds wonderful to me, especially as a lot of pregnant women (especially first time pregnant women, none of my friends have multiples yet) I've known found the last couple of months hard and seriously appreciated anything that was done to celebrate with them and sometimes make them feel less bored/alone/worried/trapped at home/delete as applicable. The event, ie hanging out with your pregnant buddy and giving them a space where they can totally talk about babies and be excited about what's to come without worrying about boring people, is lovely. The name makes it seem like an event for grubbing presents off people, it's a pity.