Flirty or friendly? So unsure!!! advice please

Pauly222

Okay so I started a new job, and when visit a place every morning there's a girl that I see every day, here's what happens.. She always laughs at my most lamest of jokes, conversation is good, definite eye contact and banter. But just nervous about asking her out, even for a coffee? Or even her number, as she could be just a naturally happy person. Any advice? I guess rejection would make things uncomfortable as I visit her work every day.. what should I do???

strobe

Pauly222 wrote: »

Okay so I started a new job, and when visit a place every morning there's a girl that I see every day, here's what happens.. She always laughs at my most lamest of jokes, conversation is good, definite eye contact and banter. But just nervous about asking her out, even for a coffee? Or even her number, as she could be just a naturally happy person. Any advice? I guess rejection would make things uncomfortable as I visit her work every day.. what should I do???

She sounds like a nice person. When nice people get asked out by people they aren't interested in that way they just politely decline and tend to think "that was really nice" and that's it. She won't think anything bad about you if she's not interested. And it'll only be awkward if you yourself make it so. If she says no thanks, then just say, "oh OK, can't blame a guy for trying" and then chat away as you normally would.

But she's probably thinks you're a mad ride and will say yes anyway, so just go for it and enjoy heading out with her.

Pauly222

strobe wrote: »

She sounds like a nice person. When nice people get asked out by people they aren't interested in that way they just politely decline and tend to think "that was really nice" and that's it. She won't think anything bad about you if she's not interested. And it'll only be awkward if you yourself make it so. If she says no thanks, then just say, "oh OK, can't blame a guy for trying" and then chat away as you normally would.

But she's probably thinks you're a mad ride and will say yes anyway, so just go for it and enjoy heading out with her.

God yeah that makes perfect sense, you know what, tomorrow I'm gonna ask. a conversation, then, would you like to have a coffee someday after work? Super casual, super relaxed. Thanks for your advice 😊

ABajaninCork

Faint heart never won fair lady, OP!!

Good luck!

Tasden

Aw strobe was spot on and I'm glad you're gonna go for it good luck, you'll make her day if nothing else!

SpaceRocket

There is a lovely guy who drops into my work each morning. I can tell he likes me from the way he acts around me. We don't get to talk at all on a personal level due to the nature of our work we only get to talk while clients are present. I'm hoping that if my gut is right, he will get the nerve to take me aside and ask me out for a coffee someday. I'd give anything to have a coffee with him! I don't have the guts to ask him myself. OP, unless you are really good at hiding it, she knows you like her. Seeing as you are getting positive signals from her, I would go for it! You have nothing to lose. As another poster has said, she sounds like a nice girl, so at the very least she will feel flattered! I wish you the best of luck op!

Matteroffact

I would prefer to find out a bit more about her if I were you, like is she single. It is very easy for her to flirt with you if she is not but you need to find out first before you delve in with both feet. I would even ask he if she is single before asking her out, if she says yes then you are right but if she says no then you don't ask her out for coffee and save face.

SpaceRocket

I wouldn't ask her if she's single first. That could lead to a cringey conversation. It can come across as a bit sleezey and sheepish, as though you're only half interested in her.

If you ask her for a coffee and she is not single, she will likely feel really flattered but turn down the coffee because she has a boyfriend.

Hopefully she is single though, op

Pauly222

She is single she mentioned it a few weeks back! Also discovered we are both in the same college, we couldn't believe it! Certainly lots in common, God never had this problem before, asking someone out has always come easy. I guess cause she is seemingly a happy, Smiley person that I'm confused.. plus no guy likes a " don't think it's a good idea " Lol.. why am I holding back? Surely if she liked me enough such an outgoing girl would have no problem in asking me out, or for a numbe, email etc..

ABajaninCork

Pauly222 wrote: »

Surely if you liked her enough such an outgoing guy would have no problem in asking her out, or for a numbe, email etc..

FYP!

Sleepless and Manic

Pauly222 wrote: »

She is single she mentioned it a few weeks back!

She "mentioned" to you that she's single?? Just in passing?

I'd take that as a definite positive signal.

Pauly222

An update! If by some weird coincidence , I seen her in town today from a slight distance, laughing and joking with some guy. Slightly peed off and decided now not to persue any romantic interest in her now. Oh Well, Thanks away guys and girl 😊

Tigger99

Eh what? Just because she's joking with a guy, it doesn't mean shes with someone. Why on earth would you be pee'd off either way?

Chancer3001

Your personality explains why you are single.

Bit harsh, but that last post was ridiculous

Littlekittylou

Pauly222 wrote: »

An update! If by some weird coincidence , I seen her in town today from a slight distance, laughing and joking with some guy. Slightly peed off and decided now not to persue any romantic interest in her now. Oh Well, Thanks away guys and girl 😊

Go with your feels you can gut tell if there is romance going on with another guy. Least you know where you stand now.

Although I don't know why you are peed off though. She is talking to another guy???

I think you need to lighten up.

Pauly222

Lol jee chancer a bit harsh? Believe it or not I have quite a good personality! I may of had a slight pang of jealousy but in retrospect I need to focus on myself more, who I am, where I'm going and what I'm about. Even this slight pang of jealousy proves that maybe I'm not worth this girls time, and certainly not ready for a relationship, so I think any hints or flirtatious behavior shall cease. But I'll still be friendly.

MightyMandarin

Couldn't he just be her cousin or something like that?

Littlekittylou

Pauly222 wrote: »

Lol jee chancer a bit harsh? Believe it or not I have quite a good personality! I may of had a slight pang of jealousy but in retrospect I need to focus on myself more, who I am, where I'm going and what I'm about. Even this slight pang of jealousy proves that maybe I'm not worth this girls time, and certainly not ready for a relationship, so I think any hints or flirtatious behavior shall cease. But I'll still be friendly.

DO YOU! It's the longest relationship you will ever have.:)

And well done to you for deciding to be friendly still.

Couldn't he just be her cousin or something like that?

I think the OP has identified there is more to it that simply her single status. And that really he does not want a relationship. So long as it comes from a healthy place that is ok. If you are just avoiding it for the wrong reasons that's not good on your part and then you do need to grow.

But if not this girl then get out there at some point and mix it up! :-)

Pauly222

Littlekittylou wrote: »

DO YOU! It's the longest relationship you will ever have.:)

And well done to you for deciding to be friendly still.





I think the OP has identified there is more to it that simply her single status. And that really he does not want a relationship. So long as it comes from a healthy place that is ok. If you are just avoiding it for the wrong reasons that's not good on your part and then you do need to grow.

But if not this girl then get out there at some point and mix it up! :-)

Yeah, I'm a great believer in fate. What's meant to be will be. I'm a good guy and I think I deserve a good lady. She is out there, I might already know her, I might not but I never lose hope. In the meantime, it's a perfect chance to focus and have a little fun, spend quality time with my young son, do my best at work and keep in shape and eat healthy! Much love!

Littlekittylou

Pauly222 wrote: »

Yeah, I'm a great believer in fate. What's meant to be will be. I'm a good guy and I think I deserve a good lady. She is out there, I might already know her, I might not but I never lose hope. In the meantime, it's a perfect chance to focus and have a little fun, spend quality time with my young son, do my best at work and keep in shape and eat healthy! Much love!

Awh you too! My best to your son!

Sleepless and Manic

Pauly222 wrote: »

An update! If by some weird coincidence , I seen her in town today from a slight distance, laughing and joking with some guy. Slightly peed off and decided now not to persue any romantic interest in her now. Oh Well, Thanks away guys and girl 😊

Well fair enough if you're really sure, but when you next chat mention to her you saw her and were going to say hi but she was with with some guy.

Sound Bite

Ah come on......she's managed to let a stranger who she sees every morning know she's single!! Are some people completely oblivious to hints??

I'll never understand why people are so afraid of possible rejection. Just ask. No is the worst possible outcome & I'm sure you'll get over it. Risk it!

Pauly222

Hi to all, and Thanks for advice. Yes, I think maybe yesterday I was being somewhat hasty, which of course is an unattractive quality so let's move on shall we? Lol. They " hints " Have been there, and we certainly enjoy each others company. So gonna definitely invite for a coffee " sounds so American doesn't it " Lol. Or lunch, or for a few drinks. I'm new in the big city, like she is. So at the very least it will, hopefully, be a new friend.

ManOfMystery

She could have been walking along with her brother for all you know. Don't be a defeatist ................... nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. Those pangs of jealousy show you interested you are in her, so why throw the opportunity away?

Pauly222

As promised, The update.. So this morning, went in as usual to her place of work and flirted outrageously for at least for 40 minutes , despite the fact she was busy ( she dropped everything To chat).. until out of nowhere her manager came over and went crazy at her for talking to me and not doing her job ( apparently the second time this has happened in as many weeks ) I was hugely embarrassed, she more so .. to my huge shock, she actually followed me outside to chat again, at which stage we hugged for a minute, with me apologetic for getting her in trouble , I then rather hastily suggested coffee, at which was completely overlooked, conversation ending with from her " is Paul your real name " And " where exactly do you live in Dublin " .. another hug and that was it.. So yeah, I'll take it as not a good success story and how I'll face her again on Friday I do not know.. I have a feeling, when she thinks about this, she may become distant. As in somehow I could be not good for her working there.. Of which, she is probably right.. Ah Well..

Big Bag of Chips

She laughs and smiles with you! You say she's a lovely friendly bubbly person. So obviously she's also going to laugh and smile with other people. The fella could have been anyone: Her cousin, brother, friend, neighbour, colleague, classmate someone she happened to be sitting on the bus beside got chatting to and ended up walking in the same direction.

She's a nice friendly SINGLE girl. She's going to have friends!!!! And if you don't get in there and ask her, someone else definitely will.

Pauly222

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

She laughs at smiles with you! You say she's a lovely friendly bubbly person. So obviously she's also going to laugh and smile with other people. The fella could have been anyone. Her cousin, brother, friend, neighbour, colleague, classmate someone she happened to be sitting on the bus beside got chatting and ended up walking in the same direction.

She's a nice friendly SINGLE girl. She's going to have friends!!!!

Hee hee I know, read my update lol I think any chance is now gone . Thanks anyways

Meauldsegosha

[QUOTE=Pauly222;94216014 ... So yeah, I'll take it as not a good success story and how I'll face her again on Friday I do not know ...[/QUOTE]

She spent 40 minutes talking to you, got in trouble with her boss for talking to you but followed you outside and continued to talk to you, hugged you twice. And you still think that is a bad sign. What am I missing here?

Sleepless and Manic

Pauly222 wrote: »

Hee hee I know, read my update lol I think any chance is now gone . Thanks anyways

I think you're being a "Glass is half Empty" kind of guy here.

I think a lot of us reading the thread still see the glass as very much half Full!

Relax, give it a few days, and I think you'll see the positives again.

catbear

You hugged, that's practically engagement. Skip the rest of the formalities and grab a bride kidnapping sack. Congratulations.

ABajaninCork

Ah - Have a word with yourself, will ya?? MAN UP AND ASK THE LADY OUT, FFS!!

She can only say 'No'. How much more encouragement do you want, boy??

RossieMan

this thread reads like a primary school scene. OP, grow a pair. I can never tale a man seriously who uses lol in a sentence either.

Chucky the tree

lol, I have to agree with RossieMen. You seriously need a pair of balls OP, and some glasses. She seems extremely keen.

strobe

Pauly222 wrote: »

As promised, The update.. So this morning, went in as usual to her place of work and flirted outrageously for at least for 40 minutes , despite the fact she was busy ( she dropped everything To chat).. until out of nowhere her manager came over and went crazy at her for talking to me and not doing her job ( apparently the second time this has happened in as many weeks ) I was hugely embarrassed, she more so .. to my huge shock, she actually followed me outside to chat again, at which stage we hugged for a minute, with me apologetic for getting her in trouble , I then rather hastily suggested coffee, at which was completely overlooked, conversation ending with from her " is Paul your real name " And " where exactly do you live in Dublin " .. another hug and that was it.. So yeah, I'll take it as not a good success story and how I'll face her again on Friday I do not know.. I have a feeling, when she thinks about this, she may become distant. As in somehow I could be not good for her working there.. Of which, she is probably right.. Ah Well..

Next Friday, when you see her say hi to her and then say something along the lines of " sorry I don't want to get you in trouble in work again, want to meet up for a drink or something over the weekend"?

Girls generally don't chat for 40 minutes while they're on the clock and follow someone outside and hug them and ask them about themselves, with everybody that walks into the place. Most are quite apprehensive about doing something like that regardless as how friendly they are as they don't want to give someone the wrong idea, particularly at their place of work, particularly a guy they know is interested in them, and she absolutely knows you are interested in her.

There's a lot to suggest she is interested and very little to suggest she is not.

Ask her if she'd like to meet up over the weekend or when she's next free next Friday when you see her. She's single now. She might not be in a couple of weeks time.

Pauly222

Wow Thanks to all for the replys, quite overwhelmingly for me as wasn't expecting it so Thanks again. I guess what's making me wonder, as when we were outside after for the quick 5 minutes after her telling off is I did say I was new to Dublin and looking to make new friends, maybe we do a coffee sometime. Can't really remember what she said but she followed up, is your name really Paul? And , where exactly do you live.. to which I answered. another hug and I touched her cheeks again and said God you really are blushing, she laughed and we hugged again and said just cause I like talking to you and not to him!! :-) I apologize for sounding like a 16 year old hormonal girl, and I promise I'm never normally like this! :-)

rcarroll

How old are you?? I'm curious as you sound like a teenager, in which case I'm guessing you don't have much experience so I'll give you a breakdown- she is very clearly giving you a million obvious signs she's interested. Don't be nervous she'll almost 100% say yes. She might have been hesitant as she thinks maybe you just want friends as you're new and if she likes you, that's why she hesitated....ask again, make it clear it's a date.

Purple Mountain

Her comment about your name sounds like giddy talk when your brain is distracted.
She likes you..
Could you find her on FB and pm her?
Or maybe next Friday would you have guts to discreetly hand her a single rose for Valentines and have your number wrapped up in it and a message saying Call Me!
Slip away smiling..that sounds romantic and won't get her in trouble with the boss....

Pauly222

rcarroll wrote: »

How old are you?? I'm curious as you sound like a teenager, in which case I'm guessing you don't have much experience so I'll give you a breakdown- she is very clearly giving you a million obvious signs she's interested. Don't be nervous she'll almost 100% say yes. She might have been hesitant as she thinks maybe you just want friends as you're new and if she likes you, that's why she hesitated....ask again, make it clear it's a date.

Hi! I'm 25 and out of a bad relationship a few months, so basically found some roomies and moved to Dublin for a fresh start and swore myself getting attracted to a lady again, that worked, up until myself and her paths crossed and I found myself quite attracted to her :-)

ziedth

strobe wrote: »

Next Friday, when you see her say hi to her and then say something along the lines of " sorry I don't want to get you in trouble in work again, want to meet up for a drink or something over the weekend"?

This times a thousand OP. make it one of the first things you say at least you'll know. I wouldn't flirt with my wife for 40 minutes at a time so I reckon your golden

power pants

she sounds almost over keen. multiple hugging in work to a relative stranger etc. id say you definitely wont get turned down if you ask her out

Shrap

Ah jaysus lad, you're a right roller coaster eh?! I think you're less of a glass half empty guy and more of a "OMG my cup runneth over altogether, everything is FAB !!" Closely followed by "Stupid cup broke on the floor, AGAIN!! I shall never get another cup :mad:"

It's very endearing, you sound great and so does she, but my advice is try and measure your emotions out in slightly smaller portions for your own good sake OP. You don't have to crash and burn before you actually have crashed!

Pauly222

Shrap wrote: »

Ah jaysus lad, you're a right roller coaster eh?! I think you're less of a glass half empty guy and more of a "OMG my cup runneth over altogether, everything is FAB !!" Closely followed by "Stupid cup broke on the floor, AGAIN!! I shall never get another cup :mad:"

It's very endearing, you sound great and so does she, but my advice is try and measure your emotions out in slightly smaller portions for your own good sake OP. You don't have to crash and burn before you actually have crashed!

Haha brilliant love it

leahyl

She's mad about you! Go for it!

Pauly222

Again Thanks to all, I'll certainly says " let's do a coffee " In the coming days! And I shall keep you all posted! Wish me luck :-)

kylith

And don't just say 'let's do coffee'. Say 'do you fancy getting a coffee on Sunday afternoon?'

blastman

Time to nut up or shut up, dude...

Pauly222

blastman wrote: »

Time to nut up or shut up, dude...

Very vinny Jones there blast man??

Pauly222

Okay guys, the update for any that's still here.. she was back in Thursday, had a good laugh and Friday. So yesterday evening made up my mind that today ( Valentine's day ) Would be the day so went out and got a card, and one single rose to give to her this morning.. the plan was to Go in first, make the delivery and obviously If her tone was Flirty and fun as normal to call her outside and give her the gift. Well nah guys didn't happen I walked in and for the first time barely got a good morning and she looked in a seriously bad mood! Now I Don't know if it was with me or just a bad morning! So I just made my delivery and left.. Maybe I had my chance countless times and now it's gone. Ah Well, happy Valentine's people

Tasden

Pauly222 wrote: »

Okay guys, the update for any that's still here.. she was back in Thursday, had a good laugh and Friday. So yesterday evening made up my mind that today ( Valentine's day ) Would be the day so went out and got a card, and one single rose to give to her this morning.. the plan was to Go in first, make the delivery and obviously If her tone was Flirty and fun as normal to call her outside and give her the gift. Well nah guys didn't happen I walked in and for the first time barely got a good morning and she looked in a seriously bad mood! Now I Don't know if it was with me or just a bad morning! So I just made my delivery and left.. Maybe I had my chance countless times and now it's gone. Ah Well, happy Valentine's people

Maybe she was in bad form cause she didn't get anything for valentines day and you could have changed all that :pac:

honey79

Pauly222 wrote: »

Okay guys, the update for any that's still here.. she was back in Thursday, had a good laugh and Friday. So yesterday evening made up my mind that today ( Valentine's day ) Would be the day so went out and got a card, and one single rose to give to her this morning.. the plan was to Go in first, make the delivery and obviously If her tone was Flirty and fun as normal to call her outside and give her the gift. Well nah guys didn't happen I walked in and for the first time barely got a good morning and she looked in a seriously bad mood! Now I Don't know if it was with me or just a bad morning! So I just made my delivery and left.. Maybe I had my chance countless times and now it's gone. Ah Well, happy Valentine's people

For feck sake man up go back and give her the card and rose you have no idea what put her in that mood so don't take it personally she has given you all the signs that she is interested

OP go for it you only live once

tara73

seriously OP, I think you are messing around.
you are very young, I remember you said you are out recently of a relationship, moved to a sharing place and you have a young son. that's a big change in life for you at the moment and possibly not easy to deal with.

Your hole story sounds like you long for a relationship (or possibly just distraction) but are not ready yet and therefore you show some erratic behaviour.
I think you are actually afraid of entering into something new which is very understandable seeing your background.

why do I think this: we only hear your side of the story here, but as everybody said, she seems very keen and in every post from you, you kind of find things why it's not gonna happen.

I think you should do some self reflection: are you really up for a new, sincere relationship? I don't think so and that's why you should step back and don't mess around with this girl. as you said, her bad mood might actually derive from you, because she doesn't know where she stands with you and giving her mixed signals.