Visitors want us to remove the cat and dog while they are staying with us

Kur4mA

Tell her to jog on. It's your house, not a hotel. If she wants to dictate, that's what a hotel is for.

NSAman

Karen91 wrote: »

My thoughts exactly!

Drame update:
The SIL called me, of course she knew the OH was gone to work ( I work from home) another hysterical fit except shes blaming the whole thing on me saying I was stopping my OH from seeing his nephew because I am too selfish to remove the filthy animals from the house, she also said I would be better off not having children because I would be putting them at risk of all sorts with animals in the house. She also moaned about the size of the xmas present we sent the baby saying we pumped too much money into the new cat tree. In other words shes saying we should have put the money into a bigger present for her child instead of spending it on a cat tree. Just when I thought there could not be any more surprises to came out with the statement about the christmas present!

My OH is totally mortified by her behaviour.

Did it ever occur to her that not everyone is as interested in her Sprog as she is?

Seriously Karen, she has a child not a bloody permit to be rude. I would also say that your house is no longer a place for her to stay. If she wants to visit then a hotel or Mammy and Daddys are the options in the future.

Rasmus

SIL's worst nightmare

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Arbiter of Good Taste

OPit sounds to me that it's not a case that she thinks you shouldn't have children because of your pets, but that you should remain the childless aunt and uncle so that you can supplement her child's lifestyle in future. I would be very clear that how you spend your money is your business and if you never have children you are going to pi$$ every penny down the crapper on drugs, hookers and booze:P

cocker5

OP – your house your rules..tell them to sod off – end of story for me really.

For the posters who think she should accommodate her SIL.. or the fact that there are “just animals” what the issue etc.

what do you think of thissituation… say the OP had a 5 year old, who was boisterous, rough and unruly (and let’s be honest there are loads of bratty kids around)…

and say the SIL was like Iwill only come over if you keep your “child” away from my baby at all times encasehe hurts him (accidents happen all the time as we all know), would this demand be acceptable? Its reasonable isn’t it???

Eh.. no it wouldn’t… because you dare never say anything bad about human family member… but felines and canines are fair game.


Moral of the story EVERY home has different dynamics and if you’re invited to stay then you accept the homeas is it…. Cats .. dogs and all…

thefeatheredcat

Between the SIL and the MIL I'm so glad you are standing up for yourself and your pets OP.

I don't think it's just superiority, I think it's insecurity and looking to have competition (edit: and not just on a personal level, but maybe financially insecure and jealous of you, for example). It sounds to me like she is a bit jealous of you and nit picking at everything to have an all out war with you. Perhaps there is indeed truth in what Neyite and others have suggested that there may be more to this than a row about the pets.

However, I don't think there's much that you can do; whatever drama is being played out between your inlaws and the unhappiness between your brother, sister in law and her parents I think you, your OH and your pets are just a convenient target and excuse to assign blame, in a situation that actually has nothing really to do with you. After reading through the updates it reads as though they're just dragging you into an old row between themselves and trying to involve you in it as the ones to blame for it, rather than dealing with it like adults.

Your SIL could of course stay with her own parents but they can't because of the unhappiness between them all and rather than actually acknowledge and deal with it, they have created this rather unnecessary drama. And you are "ruining" their plan to not deal with the actual issues between them by not complying and not making it easy for them, by not getting rid of the pets and by not paying for kennels and by not paying them accommodation and by not flying out their MIL. You're actually forcing them to either stay in a stand off or for either of the party to be the bigger person and ask/offer to stay at her parents.

Whatever happens, you are not to blame and not responsible for the situation if there's further falling out between your OH and SIL or SIL and MIL or wider family members. I think your SIL will try her best to fall out with you and burn her bridges and certainly won't be the one to swallow her pride and apologise for what she has said so far, neither will the MIL. I think you should probably ignore further communications from your SIL as it seems like she is trying to provoke a reaction from you and paint herself a victim even further. Stand your ground though, I'd only go as far as welcome to visit but not to stay and the pets are staying right where they are, in their home. If you give an inch, they'll take a mile and will be forever be used as the excuse and someone to blame to avoid them all dealing with actual issues between themselves.

mdwexford

I'd kidnap the baby and lock in it a room of cats and send her the video recording of it at this stage.

quickbeam

Sorry if this has been answered before and I missed it - but where are the SIL's hubby's family in all this? Could they not stay with his parents or siblings either? Why's it all suddenly on the OP?

SMJSF

I've no animals (renting) or any kids....

but you'd swear the dog was a huge saint Bernard and the cat was a tiger the way the SIL is reacting.....! my God!!

DBB

mdwexford wrote: »

I'd kidnap the baby and lock in it a room of cats and send her the video recording of it at this stage.

Jeez folks,
I know this is meant in jest, but this sort of posting really needs to be reeled in. I think the SiL's behaviour speaks for itself without anyone here losing the run of themselves too.
Take it easy folks. Really.
Thanks,
DBB

sunshine and showers

Your SIL would not like this relationship, so. (I think it's the cutest thing ever!)

Andy-Pandy

Any chance You can post a pic of the cat tree, sounds awesome.

Back to the thread, well done for sticking to your guns. My animals are my family and they take priority over 99% of the people I know. If people don't get that then tough.

Inexile

This is just nuts. I wouldn't put my pets into kennels in these circumstances either. Different if some one was fearful or allergic to pets but this is not the case here.

OP either your SIL is
a) a spoilt child who never grew up or
b) is suffering from some form of mental health issues or
c) is someone who when in a hole keeps digging -

If a) just keep clear as you cant change their personality.
If b) I have some sympathy but you cant dealt with it from miles away - that's a matter for her partner.
If c) You will probably get more calls. She may at some level realise that asking you to put your pets in a kennels at your expenses to accommodate her was wrong but rather than admit it or see it from your point of view decides to keep throwing stuff at you to make you feel in the wrong. She will be looking for a reaction or even a justification for her actions e.g. threats to cancel the whole trip etc. Just stay calm and say that you wont be putting your pets in kennels, you absolutely respect that she is looking out for her child so if she prefers to stay elsewhere or not to come over well that a decision she will have to make herself, and you will be looking forward to seeing her and her family later on.

There is nothing more infuriating to unreasonable people than dealing with a reasonable person. They just keep trying to get a rise of the reasonable person. Don't rise to the bait - practice smiling when you are talking to her - it helps keeps.

Good Luck

the beer revolu

This is a fascinating story but everyone is just repeating what pretty much everyone else in this thread has already said.

At this stage I'm just skipping on to the op's posts.
OP, please do keep us updated!

Karen91

While my SIL was never hysterical like this before she was always the type of person who was full of herself the I am better than everyone attitude!

Hococop

Karen91 wrote: »

While my SIL was never hysterical like this before she was always the type of person who was full of herself the I am better than everyone attitude!

Ha she sounds like a child herself, screaming and throwing a tantrum because she didn't get he way

melekalikimaka

I feel sorry for the oh, you're causing tension now between him and his sister. maybe he wanted to spend proper time with his sister and new family member. I'm assuming he was OK with the pets being removed from the equation to do this of course

tk123

melekalikimaka wrote: »

I feel sorry for the oh, you're causing tension now between him and his sister. maybe he wanted to spend proper time with his sister and new family member. I'm assuming he was OK with the pets being removed from the equation to do this of course

His sister is the one causing tension not the OP

Karen91

melekalikimaka wrote: »

I feel sorry for the oh, you're causing tension now between him and his sister. maybe he wanted to spend proper time with his sister and new family member. I'm assuming he was OK with the pets being removed from the equation to do this of course

my OH was not happy to remove our family members from their home to suit his sister. My OH does not blame me at all, he is embarrassed by his sisters behaviour.

borderlinemeath

melekalikimaka wrote: »

I feel sorry for the oh, you're causing tension now between him and his sister. maybe he wanted to spend proper time with his sister and new family member. I'm assuming he was OK with the pets being removed from the equation to do this of course

Have you read the OPs posts properly?

Her OH has never been in agreement to remove their pets to accommodate his sisters demands.

The OPs other half has been described by the OP as "mortified by his sisters behaviour"

Their mother is cut from the same cloth as the OPs SIL, she wants her trip to be paid for because her daughter threw a hissy fit and refused to come over because her brother wouldn't remove his "filthy animals" for the duration of their freeloading visit.

The OPs SIL won't stay with her own parents as her husband doesn't get on with her father.

The SIL has also now made a few nasty comments about how the OP should grow up and have a baby and just get rid of the pets. She also has made a catty (pun intended!) comment regarding the size of the Christmas present that the OP and her OH bought their new nephew. How dare they spend money on a cat tree and not spend hundreds on her child!

Woshy

I kind of wish I'd bought a cat tree for our cat for Christmas now after reading this thread. My 19 month old and the cat would have great craic swinging out of it together and causing mayhem!

When the baba was smaller me, him and the cat used to curl up for naps together and I'm not joking they were some of the happiest moments of my life! I must be a terrible mother allowing my filthy animal near the baby :rolleyes:

OP - it really sounds like there are some deeper issues with your SIL's mental health post partum and also her relationship with her husband and family. The elephant in the room is surely the fact that due to her husband and father she can't come home and stay with her parents. That is so weird and a much bigger issue than you having pets and all this crap surely. How can your MIL demand you pay for her to go to Germany instead of sorting out the problems in her family? The mind boggles

I too, have crazy in-laws though so I know how hard it can be!

Arbiter of Good Taste

melekalikimaka wrote: »

I feel sorry for the oh, you're causing tension now between him and his sister. maybe he wanted to spend proper time with his sister and new family member. I'm assuming he was OK with the pets being removed from the equation to do this of course

That's a mighty big assumption you're making there

purplesnack

This thread is crazy!
It's the SIL's child I feel sorry for. He/she will never know the joy it is to grow up with a pet.

The Cool

Good on you Karen, and your OH, for sticking to your guns. You've saved yourself a lifetime of grief. Now in particular, since she has gotten very catty to you (ironic!) she's only given you reason not to ever accommodate her again - I don't know what she hopes to achieve by telling you you're better off not having children, how horrible. If that's how she treats you then why would you ever want her in your house.

I hope this is the end of the drama for you!

Karen91

My OH contacted the SIL last night, he was not happy that she contacted me yesteday. She does not seem to think there is anything wrong with how she behaved, he said she owed us an apology and her response was she has nothing to apologise for she has done nothing wrong, so he has decided to cut contact with her.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Karen91 wrote: »

My OH contacted the SIL last night, he was not happy that she contacted me yesteday. She does not seem to think there is anything wrong with how she behaved, he said she owed us an apology and her response was she has nothing to apologise for she has done nothing wrong, so he has decided to cut contact with her.

That is terribly sad, but to be honest, your OH's family sounds toxic.

sillysmiles

I agree that his family sounds toxic and a bit mad, but I'd be trying to dissuade him from cutting contact with his family. It will only escalate.
Reduce contact maybe, opt out of the madness when needs be but I definitely wouldn't be making statements about cutting contact. It's a hard place to come back from.

FurBabyMomma

Karen91 wrote: »

she also said I would be better off not having children because I would be putting them at risk of all sorts with animals in the house.

Your SiL is quite correct in this regard. One simply cannot turn on the news anymore without hearing yet another story of children at risk from animals in the house. Why, only yesterday I heard tell of a goldfish who held a family at knifepoint. And did you hear about the cat who was selling drugs to minors? With risks such as these, I think the only sensible solution is for us all to stop procreating altogether. Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children???

I'm reading this thread for entertainment while feeding my baby with a dog on either side of me on the couch, taking zero notice. I'm sure your SiL would have a field day if she saw me I can understand some people are sensitive about animals and children, but your SiL is under no obligation to stay with you, much less demand you change your lifestyle for her. And you are under no obligation to have to justify your choices in your home to anyone else. The problem here lies with her and from what you've said there are clearly other issues at play so don't take it personally.

ardmacha

Karen91 wrote: »

My OH contacted the SIL last night, he was not happy that she contacted me yesteday. She does not seem to think there is anything wrong with how she behaved, he said she owed us an apology and her response was she has nothing to apologise for she has done nothing wrong, so he has decided to cut contact with her.

Probably best not to cut contact, but say that you are sorry they do not want to stay with you and that you'll meet up with them when they come to Ireland.

duckman!!