No present - your presence is enough

CaraMay

If you got a wedding invite with 'no presents - your presence is enough' would you buy the couple anything? I would find it very hard to go to a wedding and not buy a gift.

Silverbling

I think that is a lovely gesture and would wait until after the wedding and honeymoon and take a couple of bottles of fizz around or buy a decent voucher later on if they announce they are having a baby, if they are very close friends buy them a gesture like the karma surta

Fagashlil

My cousin sent out her invites with this. really wanted to get something, my aunt had a list of a dining and serving set that they were collecting as so many people were contacting her to ask what to get them, so she'd convinced them to do something like that, so maybe ask a relative if there's anything they want/need or if there's somethnng they collect?

westernlass

A lot of people say that. Its so you dont feel pressure financially to buy something. If you want to get them something make sure you can afford it and it doesnt put you under pressure. They want your company first

January

Always thought it was just another way to say they want cash.

eviltwin

January wrote: »

Always thought it was just another way to say they want cash.

Not at all. We specifically made a point of having a no gift policy. All our guests travelled from overseas and the fact they all came was enough. They had gone to enough expense and trouble to get here so we felt anything more would be greedy. If they're putting it down on the invite they've done it for a reason. I'm sure they'll appreciate any gift but don't want you to feel under any pressure.

lazygal

January wrote: »

Always thought it was just another way to say they want cash.

Not from my perspective. I've seen it on many invitations and its never viewed as a cash request dressed up as anything else. I'd usually give something small and a card in such cases.

livinsane

January wrote: »

Always thought it was just another way to say they want cash.

I can kinda see how it could be construed as meaning that. Some people might think "present" refers to a physical gift.

I really want to write something similar on our invitations though, because we want a very simple wedding day and I'd feel much better about going casual if people were told that gifts are not expected.

kandr10

I got an invite that basically said your presence not presents but if you're giving a present give cash - all in cutesy poem format. I gave a gift as did many others - just a token but put a lot of effort inTo getting something I thought they'd like. The bride then grumbled afterwards to me that they had got so many of the same gift what were people thinking etc. obviously forgetting I had given one too. There was no appreciation for having received gifts at all despite the presence not presents poem on the invite.

pwurple

CaraMay wrote: »

If you got a wedding invite with 'no presents - your presence is enough' would you buy the couple anything? I would find it very hard to go to a wedding and not buy a gift.

I would go with a normal gift anyway if I could, unless I was travelling (flying) to the wedding.

davidfitz22

My rule usually is if they ask for cash they'll get the largest,most awkward present i can find.

Arbiter of Good Taste

davidfitz22 wrote: »

My rule usually is if they ask for cash they'll get the largest,most awkward present i can find.

Why? You prefer to waste money on something that the bride and groom don't want?

I really hate that attitude.

Milly33

Well if they asked for it then you should honour what they have asked. If you wanted to get anything just give them a small token gift. Can be something small like Mr and Mrs keyrings or a voucher for an early bird meal or something, even a bottle of bubbly and leave it at that

kandr10

Milly33 wrote: »

Well if they asked for it then you should honour what they have asked. If you wanted to get anything just give them a small token gift. Can be something small like Mr and Mrs keyrings or a voucher for an early bird meal or something, even a bottle of bubbly and leave it at that

See that's what I (and evidently lots of other guests) at aforementioned wedding thought. I figure if you're giving cash there's a minimum amount you need to give (100) . I didn't have it so got a gift. Bride was unhappy at getting so many gifts for the house etc.

Milly33

That's the thing, but you see if you just get something small or use-full like even a mrs and mr teacloth, it is just something to give if you feel like you have too. I wouldn't go buying appliances or household things.

I would be thinking more like spending €20 and leaving it at that or giving them the €100

eezipc

I got married in Estonia where my wife us from. We specifically requested no gifts or money. A few people did give us money but we handed it back. They got very offended when we handed it back. Due the couple a favour and just attend the wedding and enjoy yourself.

Milly33

well said I suppose they say it for a reason

eviltwin

You could just talk to them. I presume you know these people well? When we were in the lead up to our wedding a few people asked if we wanted anything despite the "no gifts" on the invite. We told them we just wanted them, no more but we had to really force that issue. I think people were glad not to have to pay out any more money, we really appreciated that they had taken holidays and spent good money to come over in the first place. No way would I have accepted anything else on top of that. But I think they felt they needed our permission or approval in some way. I guess no one wants to feel mean or be the only person who takes the invite at its word and turns up without anything.

skallywag

January wrote: »

Always thought it was just another way to say they want cash.

Very cynical to be fair!

Milly33

Defo wouldn't think it is just a way to ask for cash. It is just they might not want anything and the pressure some people have going to weddings is also a lot, maybe they just do not want people to have to worry..

fits

Our wedding will be expensive to attend also as many travelling from abroad. Would prefer them to come and enjoy themselves than a present any day of the week.

JanaMay

To be honest, if I were a guest, I'd give them a voucher for a nice meal out, or a fun activity day. Or else a nice token present: scrapbook of photos, DVD of photos & songs, a tree for their garden, or else (splitting the cost with some friends) a nice weekend away. (If someone were to give us a gift for our wedding they're the type of things we'd like to receive, but we wouldn't like our guests to be (further) out of pocket.) Knowing the costs involved in attending a wedding,we'd genuinely be thrilled if they just turned up and had a ball. Their presence is really their best gift!

Malari

JanaMay wrote: »

To be honest, if I were a guest, I'd give them a voucher for a nice meal out, or a fun activity day. Or else a nice token present: scrapbook of photos, DVD of photos & songs, a tree for their garden, or else (splitting the cost with some friends) a nice weekend away. (If someone were to give us a gift for our wedding they're the type of things we'd like to receive, but we wouldn't like our guests to be (further) out of pocket.) Knowing the costs involved in attending a wedding,we'd genuinely be thrilled if they just turned up and had a ball. Their presence is really their best gift!

To me, asking for no gifts on the invite is trying to prevent getting this kind of stuff from your friends. If I wanted to give something (and I have to close friends who had this on their invite before) I would give cash only.

Tarzana2

January wrote: »

Always thought it was just another way to say they want cash.

How would you get that from it? It's clearly saying you being there is the present.

Malari

Tarzana2 wrote: »

How would you get that from it? It's clearly saying you being there is the present.

I'd agree actually, that it could be interpreted that way. Not that it's necessarily the couples' intention, but I do know people who wanted to convey that cash was the only gift welcome.

Frigga_92

CaraMay wrote: »

If you got a wedding invite with 'no presents - your presence is enough' would you buy the couple anything? I would find it very hard to go to a wedding and not buy a gift.

No, they have said "no presents" so don't give them a present, cash or otherwise.

We didn't do the whole cutesy poem thing but we told guests that it was strictly no presents at all, nothing, just them, come and have the craic and then go home or stay over, whatever they wanted.
We still received a few presents, a hoover from our friend whose hoover we were always borrowing (lol) and matching chains (a silver plectrum with our initials and our wedding date engraved on it each) from our friend who made our rings, my husband's best man's parents (in their early 70s) bought us a household appliance even though they weren't at the wedding nor were they invited and my sister got us some small keepsake wedding items. I think that was it. None of the presents were given at the wedding so everyone at least understood that we certainly didn't want a big show made out of one person giving a gift and everyone else feeling awkward. And there was certainly no cash gifts, I would have been mortified if someone had shown up with a card stuffed with cash.
Everybody gave us cards (I love cards) and I arranged them all in a big frame and it's hanging in the house.
Those are the kind of things you cherish, sincere wishes from the people you invited to your wedding, to look back on when you're both so stiff you can't get out of your matching armchairs :P

Into The Blue

CaraMay wrote: »

If you got a wedding invite with 'no presents - your presence is enough' would you buy the couple anything? I would find it very hard to go to a wedding and not buy a gift.

That's common code for cash only.
Our version was, "we have everything we need so just come along and enjoy our day with us ".

Everyone cracked it.

eviltwin

Into The Blue wrote: »

That's common code for cash only.
Our version was, "we have everything we need so just come along and enjoy our day with us ".

Everyone cracked it.

That's exactly the wording we used when asking people and it was no way a coded way of asking for money. Sometimes things just mean what they say.

Tarzana2

Malari wrote: »

I'd agree actually, that it could be interpreted that way.

It's really stretching things to interpret it in that way, IMO. Very cynical. Someone said above that that was on the invite but that they also said if giving a present, cash is preferred. That's different. To glean from the above simple statement that the couple are asking for cash is a leap, IMO.

Into The Blue wrote: »

That's common code for cash only.

No it isn't.

That people gave you gifts anyway was because they wanted to, not because they read that as wanting cash.

Into The Blue

eviltwin wrote: »

That's exactly the wording we used when asking people and it was no way a coded way of asking for money. Sometimes things just mean what they say.

I've a couple of hundred guests who thought otherwise

skallywag

Into The Blue wrote: »

That's common code for cash only.
Our version was, "we have everything we need so just come along and enjoy our day with us "

I do not agree.

Your version definitely implies that no physical gifts are desired but also certainly implies that cash would be welcome.

I would not say the same of the OP's case though, for me 'present' most definitely also includes cash.

Tarzana2

Into The Blue wrote: »

Everyone cracked it.

Charming.

Like said, what you put is different to "Your presence is our present". Yours implied something.

Into The Blue

Tarzana2 wrote: »

No it isn't.

That people gave you gifts anyway was because they wanted to, not because they read that as wanting cash.

Every single one of them? Half from Dublin half from Sligo? Most never met each other? All managed to do the exact same thing?

Come on...

Into The Blue

skallywag wrote: »

I do not agree.

Your version definitely implies that no physical gifts are desired but also certainly implies that cash would be welcome. .

How do you distinguish the two?
We did have everything we needed.. Including cash..

Tarzana2

Into The Blue wrote: »

Every single one of them? Half from Dublin half from Sligo? Most never met each other? All managed to do the exact same thing?

Come on...

Like said, what you put on your invite is different to the phrasing in the OP. You were definitely implying there. And people "cracked" it. Yay!

The phrase in the OP is saying you being there is present enough. The two are different because on the OP's phrase, no mention is made of what the couple has and doesn't need, as it's irrelevant.

eviltwin

Into The Blue wrote: »

Every single one of them? Half from Dublin half from Sligo? Most never met each other? All managed to do the exact same thing?

Come on...

Did you tell them beforehand? We had people ask us if we needed anything and that was the perfect chance to tell them No Gifts really did mean no gifts. We didn't get anything. I'd have been pretty miffed as a guest to turn up emptyhanded and see others with gifts.

Into The Blue

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Like said, what you put on your invite is different to the phrasing in the OP. You were definitely implying there.

What happened to this?

Tarzana2 wrote: »

That people gave you gifts anyway was because they wanted to, not because they read that as wanting cash.

Tarzana2

Into The Blue wrote: »

What happened to this?

I thought you worded it as "Your presence is our present" but yours was different.

Anyway, you got all cash gifts. Score!

JanaMay

Malari wrote: »

To me, asking for no gifts on the invite is trying to prevent getting this kind of stuff from your friends. If I wanted to give something (and I have to close friends who had this on their invite before) I would give cash only.

Really? I honestly haven't a clue about this sort of thing! I was just thinking of a token to mark the day.

But really, if I said 'no presents, just your presence' on the invitation I'd mean no presents, and most definitely not cash. Maybe a funny or cute token, but I'd never expect one. It's a bloody minefield!:D

Faith

I have to agree that I've always understood it to mean "No need to give anything, but if you do, we'd most appreciate cash". Not in a cynical way either; I just thought it was a subtle way of conveying that message as opposed to "here's our bank account details; plz transfer lots of money at earliest convenience".

ShazGV

Part of my job involves making invitations and any time someone has wanted that phrase, they genuinely did not want any presents, cash or otherwise. They just wanted people to come celebrate with them.

I think it's a judgement call, OP. You know these people & we don't; do they seem like the kind of people that would just appreciate you being there, or would they maybe be angling for cash without wanting to blatantly say it? I know some people feel guilty not giving anything so it's really up to you.

Personally I'd give a gift voucher for a meal or something. I am one of those people that would feel guilty showing up empty handed.

Into The Blue

Faith wrote: »

I have to agree that I've always understood it to mean "No need to give anything, but if you do, we'd most appreciate cash". Not in a cynical way either; I just thought it was a subtle way of conveying that message as opposed to "here's our bank account details; plz transfer lots of money at earliest convenience".

I just wanted to avoid the trips into Arnotts to return everything.. Couldn't have cared less if we got a card/cash/fück all.

Outside of this thread, it's rare for someone to go to a wedding empty handed.. Regardless of how they want to interpret the invite.

Malari

Into The Blue wrote: »

I just wanted to avoid the trips into Arnotts to return everything.. Couldn't have cared less if we got a card/cash/fück all.

Outside of this thread, it's rare for someone to go to a wedding empty handed.. Regardless of how they want to interpret the invite.

Essentially this! We don't want anything, least of all STUFF. If you insist on giving something, then give cash.

Tarzana2

Into The Blue wrote: »

I just wanted to avoid the trips into Arnotts to return everything.. Couldn't have cared less if we got a card/cash/fück all.

Outside of this thread, it's rare for someone to go to a wedding empty handed.. Regardless of how they want to interpret the invite.

Well, indeed. But if I got a "Presence is our present" invite, I'd go with a token gift, not cash. A token gift in cash value is less than €40, likely. Nobody is going to give a cash gift of, like, €20 or something!

I just can't see how "Your being at our wedding is all the gift we need" could be construed as asking for cash. Weird how people read things differently. If a couple put in that phrase, hoping for cash, it might well backfire on them!

Faith

Into The Blue wrote: »

Outside of this thread, it's rare for someone to go to a wedding empty handed.. Regardless of how they want to interpret the invite.

That's the assumption I was working on. I wouldn't go to a wedding empty-handed, as I assume a lot of others wouldn't. If the invite said they didn't want presents, I'd take that that to mean household items etc and I'd still give cash .

Funny, I never realised before that the phrase caused so much confusion!

Malari

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Well, indeed. But if I got a "Presence is our present" invite, I'd go with a token gift, not cash. A token gift in cash value is less than €40, likely. Nobody is going to give a cash gift of, like, €20 or something!

I just can't see how "Your being at our wedding is all the gift we need" could be construed as asking for cash. Weird how people read things differently. If a couple put in that phrase, hoping for cash, it might well backfire on them!

I think the point is that most people don't hope for cash. They hope that people don't buy them physical items. How would you word it if the couple didn't want a "token" gift then, as that seems to be what people are trying to avoid with this wording.

The wedding I attended that had this on the invite was a very close friend but they were living abroad. They weren't going to be able to bring any gifts with them.

Tarzana2

Malari wrote: »

I think the point is that most people don't hope for cash. They hope that people don't buy them physical items. How would you word it if the couple didn't want a "token" gift then, as that seems to be what people are trying to avoid with this wording.

Well, if I was putting that on an invitation, it would because I'm aware of the financial strain wedding attendance can put on people, so I would genuinely not want gifts. But I'd be delighted and touched to receive any gift, physical or money, token or otherwise. That's the genuine truth!

I don't read "Your presence is our present" as "Don't give token gifts", and it wouldn't be what would be on mind if I put that phrasing on an invitation.

kandr10

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Well, if I was putting that on an invitation, it would because I'm aware of the financial strain wedding attendance can put on people, so I would genuinely not want gifts. But I'd be delighted and touched to receive any gift, physical or money, token or otherwise. That's the genuine truth!

I have to say I was also really touched to receive some of the gifts we got for our wedding. Very grateful for cash gifts too of course. I personally wouldn't show up to any party empty handed whether I was told to or not cos it just doesn't sit right.

GalwayGirl26

Just don't mention presents/gifts/cash on the invite!! Don't say you want them, don't say you don't, just don't go anywhere in the direction of presents!!!!

Tarzana2

GalwayGirl26 wrote: »

Just don't mention presents/gifts/cash on the invite!! Don't say you want them, don't say you don't, just don't go anywhere in the direction of presents!!!!

A good rule of thumb. :pac: It's such a minefield that it's best to say nuthin'!

willow tree

My friends got married abroad. They specified "no presents, just your presence". They said to me it was going to cost people a lot to go to their wedding (abroad) so they didn't want to put extra pressure on people. I appreciated that & a month after got them a voucher for a store you can get everything. They appreciated it. & I appreciated not feeling pushed into handing over €100/200 that I can't spare (voucher was for 100).