Memory Loss/Farming

CHOPS01

Wasn't sure what title to put on this but wondering has anyone had any experience of the following.
Father is 74 physically very fit and active but he has shown a lot of signs of memory loss. Last year has been messy to say the least with cattle breaking out and so on.
Place needs to be fenced and a few other upgrades need doing.
But he won't hear of any changes.Doesn't recall the number of times we have been following cattle this year.
How do we handle this situation.
I am working but have a strong interest in farming and have a few cattle in his name. Hate to see the way the place is going but we don't know how to get round this.

Bullocks

CHOPS01 wrote: »

Wasn't sure what title to put on this but wondering has anyone had any experience of the following.
Father is 74 physically very fit and active but he has shown a lot of signs of memory loss. Last year has been messy to say the least with cattle breaking out and so on.
Place needs to be fenced and a few other upgrades need doing.
But he won't hear of any changes.Doesn't recall the number of times we have been following cattle this year.
How do we handle this situation.
I am working but have a strong interest in farming and have a few cattle in his name. Hate to see the way the place is going but we don't know how to get round this.

It's an awful dose . I wouldn't worry too much about the farm except to make it as safe as possible for him ( I presume he won't be inclined to retire or take things easier and stay inside ) . Has he gone to a doctor ,it would be some help if he could get some medication for the memory loss or get a diagnosis at least .

rangler1

CHOPS01 wrote: »

Wasn't sure what title to put on this but wondering has anyone had any experience of the following.
Father is 74 physically very fit and active but he has shown a lot of signs of memory loss. Last year has been messy to say the least with cattle breaking out and so on.
Place needs to be fenced and a few other upgrades need doing.
But he won't hear of any changes.Doesn't recall the number of times we have been following cattle this year.
How do we handle this situation.
I am working but have a strong interest in farming and have a few cattle in his name. Hate to see the way the place is going but we don't know how to get round this.

I see this in a lot of places, father won't hand over, yet the son is strangled with work due to the poor management of the place.
While you're helping him there's no pressure on him to upgrade, so probably the best action for you is to be not so available

Bullocks

rangler1 wrote: »

I see this in a lot of places, father won't hand over, yet the son is strangled with work due to the poor management of the place.
While you're helping him there's no pressure on him to upgrade, so probably the best action for you is to be not so available

I agree with not helping out with an ould boy that's just using you but this sounds a bit like alzheimers and if that is the case I would be helping more and spending more time with him because these things can escalate quickly and life is short

J.O. Farmer

Bullocks wrote: »

I agree with not helping out with an ould boy that's just using you but this sounds a bit like alzheimers and if that is the case I would be helping more and spending more time with him because these things can escalate quickly and life is short

It can be tough to deal with the like of alzheimers but it could be even tougher to deal with regrets. The OP knows his dad better than anyone and I think as everyone is different nobody here can advise on how to get around the dad.
The only thing that's not clear is it genuine memory loss or a case of different opinions on the definition of a lot. The OP may consider twice as a lot whereas the dad might think it nothing.

mahoney_j

CHOPS01 wrote: »

Wasn't sure what title to put on this but wondering has anyone had any experience of the following.
Father is 74 physically very fit and active but he has shown a lot of signs of memory loss. Last year has been messy to say the least with cattle breaking out and so on.
Place needs to be fenced and a few other upgrades need doing.
But he won't hear of any changes.Doesn't recall the number of times we have been following cattle this year.
How do we handle this situation.
I am working but have a strong interest in farming and have a few cattle in his name. Hate to see the way the place is going but we don't know how to get round this.

Thread carefully with the old boy,my dad was similar for a while,luckily he goes for a check up twice a year as he previously had prostate cancer .about 2 years ago it picked up early stages Alzheimer's which in fairness was picked up early and treated with medds to slow it down but enivitably it will get worse ,now has Parkinson's which is related To it.im around him every day and can still do his day to day stuff but memory is definetly getting worse.he scraps the cubicles and limes them and feeds meal to yearlings etc.i don't ask him to drive the tractor or any jobs that involve a lot of thinking and bite my tongue some days as he is doing his best .the day he can't come out the yard will be hard for me as he is a big help still even with his presence.in the yard .luckily for him if he makes an error doing something he dosnt remember it most of the time so won't get frustrated .my advice to you suck it up grin and bare it and don't loose the cool with the bossman and if he hasn't already done it go to the doctor for a check up

kollegeknight

The key is to make sure he gets a full check up.
My dad started that last March. We didn't n rice it but mam did. After persuasion had Mri scan to show aggressive brain tumor.

He had operation in May, a little bit of treatment to give him chance to get things in order.

He was buried on Sunday.
I worked a lot of my spare time and the early part and later parts of my life on farm with him but he had to always be one doing main job withe doing the holding/ heavy duty work.
Now my learning curve is massive.

Don't take no for an answer re check up and ensure he understands the need for a plan for future.

My dad had no will until May 2014 aged 73. Reason; he told me he thought he'd have another 30 yrs. I asked him did he think he was the queen mother.

I miss him now-our first calf of the new era born yesterday, spent whole night minding him and even he died.

AP2014

kollegeknight wrote: »

The key is to make sure he gets a full check up.
My dad started that last March. We didn't n rice it but mam did. After persuasion had Mri scan to show aggressive brain tumor.

He had operation in May, a little bit of treatment to give him chance to get things in order.

He was buried on Sunday.
I worked a lot of my spare time and the early part and later parts of my life on farm with him but he had to always be one doing main job withe doing the holding/ heavy duty work.
Now my learning curve is massive.

Don't take no for an answer re check up and ensure he understands the need for a plan for future.

My dad had no will until May 2014 aged 73. Reason; he told me he thought he'd have another 30 yrs. I asked him did he think he was the queen mother.

I miss him now-our first calf of the new era born yesterday, spent whole night minding him and even he died.

Rough year for you. Hopefully things pick up with time for you and your mother.

shepherd41

Hi there. I know this situation all too well. Father started to have memory problems at 60 and died last year at 68 following dementia. He was such a hard worker and a great farmer. It's hard to watch when they can't do the things that once came so easily and to see the farm go down hill. I was working and farming part time. First thing I did was reduce stock levels and take the pressure off everyone (maybe even consider renting out??). Get things sorted with your family and solicitor early on. And the main thing I would say is that as you will become more and more frustrated with your father and the whole situation, try to keep on top of it and show your father how much you think of him. It can be easy to lose your temper. Do things together (eg things he did around the farm as a young boy, visit vintage rallies etc). Don't beat yourself up about things getting run down, concentrate on what help your father and mother need now. There will be plenty of time to work at the farm in future years. A diagnosis isn't everything but it might help you all come to some sort of agreement. All the best.

Timmaay

Kollegeknight, sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how low you must be feeling now, keep the head up and keep moving forward, time will heal everything!

Greengrass1

Op I know you haven't mentioned you mother.
But could she say something to your dad?
Me and dad have stinkers of rows here and mam is the mediator.
No where near as bad as to what it was when I came home but we still disagree on things.

If your mam said about doing the fencing or going for a check up he might agree?

mahoney_j

kollegeknight wrote: »

The key is to make sure he gets a full check up.
My dad started that last March. We didn't n rice it but mam did. After persuasion had Mri scan to show aggressive brain tumor.

He had operation in May, a little bit of treatment to give him chance to get things in order.

He was buried on Sunday.
I worked a lot of my spare time and the early part and later parts of my life on farm with him but he had to always be one doing main job withe doing the holding/ heavy duty work.
Now my learning curve is massive.

Don't take no for an answer re check up and ensure he understands the need for a plan for future.

My dad had no will until May 2014 aged 73. Reason; he told me he thought he'd have another 30 yrs. I asked him did he think he was the queen mother.

I miss him now-our first calf of the new era born yesterday, spent whole night minding him and even he died.

Fook don't know how to reply to that and all I can say is chin up,think positive and look forward .forget the calf there will be lots more

kollegeknight

Thanks folks. It was tough and will be but we'll get there.
Poor mam and her new hope calf.

We had good times since he got sick. My brothers, he and I built a shed. We got to go to tullamore show- organisers were amazing with providing access(persuaded him the on site parking was for my pregnant wife) he met my daughter.

Op
The farm will sort itself out with time and patience.

It's the people that need minding. Your parents, you and your family

Brass Tag

Mind you, when you are farming, a bit of selective memory loss here and there, can be a positive thing. Especially when it comes to thinking about bad harvests, bad weather, bad prices rtcðŸ…

CHOPS01

Lads thanks for the replies.
Medical side of things is in hand. My sister is a nurse so she has organised that he has had a few check ups. Signs of early memory loss so far but nothing solid diagnosed as of yet.
My mother is having it kinda tough but at least myself the sister and another brother all live at the end of the road.
I suppose as ye said farm will look after itself and his welfare is the most important thing.But its so frustrating.
Kollegeknight sorry for your loss and I suppose I see things here being like your situation that this is going to be a long hard journey.

Miname

How about getting the posts and wire and getting the fencing done on your own back. ie had to do it here myself and the more go there is in me brings out more go in my father. If you show that youve a keen interest by pushing hard yourself your father will find it easier releasing the reigns a bit. its seriously hard trying to juggle work and farming but after a while it becomes the norm. my own old man does silly things and im finding it eassier too if i dont snap back or point out maybe a little too harshly that hes done something wrong as it eats him up too much (very hard not snapping at the old man at times).
Hope everything works out.

Feckthis

Having read this thread I have realised my father is no young sprout anymore. My time with him is limited and I will refrain from having any arguments with him from now on!!

CHOPS01

Feckthis wrote: »

Having read this thread I have realised my father is no young sprout anymore. My time with him is limited and I will refrain from having any arguments with him from now on!!

You think you won't but shur tis impossible not to have the few heated words.
Only today had to walk away from the boss before it got too heated !

milkprofit

CHOPS01 wrote: »

Lads thanks for the replies.
Medical side of things is in hand. My sister is a nurse so she has organised that he has had a few check ups. Signs of early memory loss so far but nothing solid diagnosed as of yet.
My mother is having it kinda tough but at least myself the sister and another brother all live at the end of the road.
I suppose as ye said farm will look after itself and his welfare is the most important thing.But its so frustrating.
Kollegeknight sorry for your loss and I suppose I see things here being like your situation that this is going to be a long hard journey.

It will be hardest on u mum u and family give every support calling in for half hour not good enoughg u mom has responsibility for 24 hours as things progress
On economic a person needs to make will while capable or sign power of attorney / not correct term-
If cattel in fathers name they are his could be willed to anyone- not the intention-
Hope it does not progress in wrong way

CHOPS01

milkprofit wrote: »

It will be hardest on u mum u and family give every support calling in for half hour not good enoughg u mom has responsibility for 24 hours as things progress
On economic a person needs to make will while capable or sign power of attorney / not correct term-
If cattel in fathers name they are his could be willed to anyone- not the intention-
Hope it does not progress in wrong way

Your spot on about mam without a doubt she is finding it tough.On my day off I am now trying to spend as much time there as possible but not always easy with our young kids.
I understand from mam all is sorted with Will and so on going back for years.
Bit awkward for me I suppose as I want to get farming but don't know parents plans for the place as there are 4 of us. Have always done most on the farm but don't want to assume anything as I have always said I won't fall out with any of my family over land.
Crux of the thing I suppose is how to get system in place to make life easier for all involved. At the moment he just doesn't want to change anything.
Its almost like he is living live on the farm as he did on his homeplace when he was a kid.When cattle survived rather than thrived.

milkprofit

CHOPS01 wrote: »

Your spot on about mam without a doubt she is finding it tough.On my day off I am now trying to spend as much time there as possible but not always easy with our young kids.
I understand from mam all is sorted with Will and so on going back for years.
Bit awkward for me I suppose as I want to get farming but don't know parents plans for the place as there are 4 of us. Have always done most on the farm but don't want to assume anything as I have always said I won't fall out with any of my family over land.
Crux of the thing I suppose is how to get system in place to make life easier for all involved. At the moment he just doesn't want to change anything.
Its almost like he is living live on the farm as he did on his homeplace when he was a kid.When cattle survived rather than thrived.

Find out from u mum what she wants done yhwn ask about will
Then low key family meeting re -medical _ help for mum - maybe rota- so mum gets her days-- off home help erc plan future for farm so all know and are involved cattle in your fathers name are part of estate so could be willed to some other person as remanded of estate which often happens

onyerbikepat

We are going through something similar with our Mother at the moment. It's tough on all the family, but especially the primary carer, who ever that is. We try and have somone with her 24/7 but it ain't easy. I find it hard when I want to get out and do a bit of farm work, but I'm stuck inside.
Bear in mind the safety of the person too. We hide keys of the door during the night. We put a hidden isolation switch on the cooker, as she kept turning it on and even put her hand down on the hot ring. Always have to keep some water in the kettle too as that is continously plugged in. It can be simple things too, like tripping over the dog or getting burnt with the fire.
You'll become an expert on medication too, as these can be very powerful causing all sorts of behavioural changes.

ganmo

Knowing that this kind of conversation is on front if me (not in the near future) has me wondering how would we get dad to the doctor...he hates them.
But thankfully that's not today's problem.

solerina

OP. If you feel fencing is needed and it will ultimately make things easier then you should just get on with it. Your father may not like change (they never do) but unless he starts pulling down the new wire it wont matter. We have the farm signed over a few years now and the parents are still complaining when we fence/ change a system they used etc. The bottom line is they don't like to see things moving on without them but try to move on without causing conflict would be my advice you wont regret the improvements you might regret the conflict.

Connemara Farmer

CHOPS01 wrote: »

You think you won't but shur tis impossible not to have the few heated words.
Only today had to walk away from the boss before it got too heated !

You get to a point where the cost/benefit calculation isn't worth it. Only took me about 10 years. If I get a call now I'll do it my way, if it's to be done arse backwards then I'm busy.

_Brian

Something related to the title.

My BIL had a fall of a ladder four years ago while fixing a sliding door.

Broken bones and teeth have been sorted but he's left with a shadow on the brain in scans.

He has trouble remembering stock numbers sometimes and can't rely on himself to check stock.

He was a great lad to fix machinery but He can't take on any machinery repairs as he can get things out of order te odd time which causes problems.

50 years of age, otherwise fit and healthy but it's a serious concern that it may progress into something even more sinister. He does get frustrated and angry easily which is understandable.

Reggie.

Only noticed something similar with the FIL. Yesterday. Went down to dose an animal yesterday with him to find out he dosed it on Thursday which was a day earlier than should have been.

He then asked me when was the animal last dosed as he couldn't remember. We dosed it Tuesday but he forgot by Thursday what day it was dosed.

whelan2

Reggie. wrote: »

Only noticed something similar with the FIL. Yesterday. Went down to dose an animal yesterday with him to find out he dosed it on Thursday which was a day earlier than should have been.

He then asked me when was the animal last dosed as he couldn't remember. We dosed it Tuesday but he forgot by Thursday what day it was dosed.

unless you're jimmy magee:) its very hard to remember everything, we have a diary , all dosing, injections, calvings, heats go in that. I normlly write it in as soon as its done as otherwise it wont be done. We have a notebook in the jeep this has stock numbers etc in it.

Reggie.

whelan2 wrote: »

unless you're jimmy magee:) its very hard to remember everything, we have a diary , all dosing, injections, calvings, heats go in that. I normlly write it in as soon as its done as otherwise it wont be done. We have a notebook in the jeep this has stock numbers etc in it.

Didn't really mean it like that but it would explain a few things lately

rangler1

Reggie. wrote: »

Only noticed something similar with the FIL. Yesterday. Went down to dose an animal yesterday with him to find out he dosed it on Thursday which was a day earlier than should have been.

He then asked me when was the animal last dosed as he couldn't remember. We dosed it Tuesday but he forgot by Thursday what day it was dosed.

Is he a full time farmer, I find, especially this busy time of the year, that the days merge into one another and it's very hard to distinguish sometimes, every day here is much the same at the moment......weekends!!!!..what's that,
might be a bit premature to be watching the FIL just yet

Reggie.

Ok forget I said anything

Connemara Farmer

Diary sounds like a good idea. As long as he's not like me, 2015 one beside me as clean as the day twas bought

whelan2

Connemara Farmer wrote: »

Diary sounds like a good idea. As long as he's not like me, 2015 one beside me as clean as the day twas bought

the diary is better than a notebook as the day is on it iykwim, also handy for putting down reminders , like when a cows 3 weeks will be or when they are due a shot of estrumate or whatever. On whatday it is only for the kids are back at school i wouldnt have a clue

Nekarsulm

My Uncle is affected like this now. Its tough on everyone, as the person you knew slips away and someone who looks just like him takes his place.
Someone who looks at you and doesn't know you half the time.
As a young man, he moved to Sligo and worked there. Now after 25 years back in lovely Leitrim, he wants to go "home" to Sligo. They have to keep all the house keys hidden at night cause he doesn't sleep much anymore, and could head off on foot.
Good enough in the morning time, but as he tires during the day, it starts to take effect.
Now most cases won't get as bad as he is, and slight forgetfulness is part of ageing, but early diagnosis and treatment helps.

Edit: And not to be too morbid, but talk to the elders now. Its not till its too late you think of all the questions that only they can answer: be it why a certain field is so named, or what happened to Uncle Rob, why is he never mentioned? or just stories about their childhood.

CHOPS01

Nekarsulm wrote: »

My Uncle is affected like this now. Its tough on everyone, as the person you knew slips away and someone who looks just like him takes his place.
Someone who looks at you and doesn't know you half the time.
As a young man, he moved to Sligo and worked there. Now after 25 years back in lovely Leitrim, he wants to go "home" to Sligo. They have to keep all the house keys hidden at night cause he doesn't sleep much anymore, and could head off on foot.
Good enough in the morning time, but as he tires during the day, it starts to take effect.
Now most cases won't get as bad as he is, and slight forgetfulness is part of ageing, but early diagnosis and treatment helps.

Edit: And not to be too morbid, but talk to the elders now. Its not till its too late you think of all the questions that only they can answer: be it why a certain field is so named, or what happened to Uncle Rob, why is he never mentioned? or just stories about their childhood.

Funny you should say that. Have found myself asking those type of questions over the last few months.
12 months from now mightnt be able to give the answers.

have2flushtwice

Sometimes we are the student and then become the guide of the teacher.

I find myself arguing with the real boss too, not a lot but we can be as stubborn as each other, and neither want to back down sometimes it goes his way, sometime it goes mine. always sort it out an hour later - which is good.

Once upon a time when I was 5, and I had to be shown what to do, over the years my opinions and ideas mattered to me and I couldn't understand why some things were the way they were. I made mistakes, many of them. Rarely was I given a kick in the ass.

Now its experience vs innovation. for example last weekend we were changing a gate in the tool shed, he thought we were done, I spent a half hour more securing it with brackets, just to be sure. He thought it was fine, and spent the 30 minutes arguing that its fine - a bit of rotten rope will be secure it.

Its my turn to show him how to do things sometimes. I want his ideas and opinions to matter to him, and that has to be respected. Saying that I would work at a different pace when working for myself. If I started and finished the gate when he wasn't there, he would come along and say its a good job anyway.

thegreatgonzo

Hi OP,

My dad has alzheimers, he was diagnosed almost 3 years ago but we (or at least my mother) noticed signs for a long time before that. He'd had a very serious health issue about a decade before so I think we would have dismissed a lot of the signs of deterioration as being part of being old and a consequence of being very very sick. Looking back he was aware of his memory failing and mentioned it from time to time but we didn't go ahead with an MRI for a long time and when we did the first thing the doctor told my mother was to get the affairs in order, ie power of attorney, transferring herd numbers etc.
It's very important to get this diagnosed as early as possible and not have a sense of fatalism about it as I've noticed from a few people (not people here, older people mainly). It took a while to get the dad on the right medication, one thing he was on gave him terrible hallucinations and he was afraid to take any tablets for a while so you don't want that kind of experience on someone who is already disturbed in their mind. But for yourself and the rest of the family you need time to adjust to it because it is a terminal condition so the more time you have to get used to it the better and you do adjust. Also take whatever help out there, if it's home help for a a few hours a week or a home instead workshop or whatever, it's not something your family has to soldier on alone with.
Dad still goes out to the cattle so we've got into the habit of just following him at a distance and undoing anything that needs undoing, it's frustrating but he loves being out and during the day it's safe enough. We have to lock the doors and hide the keys at night though because he gets confused about day and night and will try to go out and give silage at 3 in the morning. Sometimes though we have to put the foot down to make decisions that he will be against and unfortunately that might put him into a sulk for a few days but it does pass.
Sorry for the essay but the last thing I will say is support the primary carer (my mother in our case) as much as you can because they are feeling the loneliness and the frustration of the situation so much more than anyone else, even if you are all in the same house. A couple of days off does the world of good.

CHOPS01

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

Hi OP,

My dad has alzheimers, he was diagnosed almost 3 years ago but we (or at least my mother) noticed signs for a long time before that. He'd had a very serious health issue about a decade before so I think we would have dismissed a lot of the signs of deterioration as being part of being old and a consequence of being very very sick. Looking back he was aware of his memory failing and mentioned it from time to time but we didn't go ahead with an MRI for a long time and when we did the first thing the doctor told my mother was to get the affairs in order, ie power of attorney, transferring herd numbers etc.
It's very important to get this diagnosed as early as possible and not have a sense of fatalism about it as I've noticed from a few people (not people here, older people mainly). It took a while to get the dad on the right medication, one thing he was on gave him terrible hallucinations and he was afraid to take any tablets for a while so you don't want that kind of experience on someone who is already disturbed in their mind. But for yourself and the rest of the family you need time to adjust to it because it is a terminal condition so the more time you have to get used to it the better and you do adjust. Also take whatever help out there, if it's home help for a a few hours a week or a home instead workshop or whatever, it's not something your family has to soldier on alone with.
Dad still goes out to the cattle so we've got into the habit of just following him at a distance and undoing anything that needs undoing, it's frustrating but he loves being out and during the day it's safe enough. We have to lock the doors and hide the keys at night though because he gets confused about day and night and will try to go out and give silage at 3 in the morning. Sometimes though we have to put the foot down to make decisions that he will be against and unfortunately that might put him into a sulk for a few days but it does pass.
Sorry for the essay but the last thing I will say is support the primary carer (my mother in our case) as much as you can because they are feeling the loneliness and the frustration of the situation so much more than anyone else, even if you are all in the same house. A couple of days off does the world of good.

Thanks for such an excellent post.

KatyMac

onyerbikepat wrote: »

We hide keys of the door during the night. We put a hidden isolation switch on the cooker, as she kept turning it on and even put her hand down on the hot ring. Always have to keep some water in the kettle too as that is continously plugged in.

Same here, had to get an extra lock put on the door and brought the keys with us to bed. Father then spent the nights looking for them. He also tried to boil the electric kettle on the solid fuel range.
Sadly, after 2 falls over the Christmas my Dad is now in full time nursing care and I hate it and hate myself for putting him there but safety was uppermost in our thoughts.
It is an awful disease.

CHOPS01

Sorry to hear that Katy.
Thanks to everyone who has replied. Kinda puts things into perspective really that the most important thing here is my father himself and mother who is there with him 24/7 and not the land.
Thanks all.

kingstown

Similar situation, boss man had a couple of mini strokes 7 years back which caused dementia and it gradually became worse. Also he is crippled with arthritis and can barely walk and has been in a nursing home for 6 years now. He initially went in for 4 or 5 weeks or so to recover after being discharge from hospital and 6 years on he’s still there. He now re-lives the 1940/50’s over and over again. Mam died 12 months after he went into the home and he still doesn't realise she is passed away. He still recognises me but sometimes thinks I’m his brother and keeps asking about this own mother and neighbours of 60 years ago. On good days he will have a chat, but those days are less and less now. He loves to see my boys visit and his face lights up, but they are all in away in university and have their own busy lives to live. I visit him twice a week, but its the same story every week sometimes he won’t chat at all. Even so I now know everyone in the nursing home and have a chat with all the other residents who have no one to call and visit. Doesn’t take you long to humble yourself when you see others and how the deck of cards fell for them.
In my case I’m the only son, work away from the farm about 60min drive but live on the farm in our own house just down the road. He never got to sign the farm over because he had a stroke and the whole thing changed overnight (or within a couple of months after that) Funny thing the summer before he got the stroke he did go about making his will and cut down on stock and work etc maybe he felt he was changing a little. Anyway at the time I did ask our solicitor about having it ‘’signed over’’ as that is what the boss would have wanted but the advice was because he was ill, therefore couldn’t do so in case anybody (other family) objected if anything happened him within 5 years.
The nursing home fee is killing me, luckily he has a pension which covers about 35% of the cost and I cover rest from my salary and what I make on the farm. All farm income goes to the nursing home and sometimes it’s hard to reinvest back into the farm. Would love to buy certain quality cattle when I see them but always have to keep the nursing home cheque in mind, it’s a bill that never goes away, many more in the same position I know.

CHOPS01

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

Hi OP,

My dad has alzheimers, he was diagnosed almost 3 years ago but we (or at least my mother) noticed signs for a long time before that. He'd had a very serious health issue about a decade before so I think we would have dismissed a lot of the signs of deterioration as being part of being old and a consequence of being very very sick. Looking back he was aware of his memory failing and mentioned it from time to time but we didn't go ahead with an MRI for a long time and when we did the first thing the doctor told my mother was to get the affairs in order, ie power of attorney, transferring herd numbers etc.
It's very important to get this diagnosed as early as possible and not have a sense of fatalism about it as I've noticed from a few people (not people here, older people mainly). It took a while to get the dad on the right medication, one thing he was on gave him terrible hallucinations and he was afraid to take any tablets for a while so you don't want that kind of experience on someone who is already disturbed in their mind. But for yourself and the rest of the family you need time to adjust to it because it is a terminal condition so the more time you have to get used to it the better and you do adjust. Also take whatever help out there, if it's home help for a a few hours a week or a home instead workshop or whatever, it's not something your family has to soldier on alone with.
Dad still goes out to the cattle so we've got into the habit of just following him at a distance and undoing anything that needs undoing, it's frustrating but he loves being out and during the day it's safe enough. We have to lock the doors and hide the keys at night though because he gets confused about day and night and will try to go out and give silage at 3 in the morning. Sometimes though we have to put the foot down to make decisions that he will be against and unfortunately that might put him into a sulk for a few days but it does pass.
Sorry for the essay but the last thing I will say is support the primary carer (my mother in our case) as much as you can because they are feeling the loneliness and the frustration of the situation so much more than anyone else, even if you are all in the same house. A couple of days off does the world of good.

Just read your post again do you mind if I ask a question.
Did your father acknowledge the fact that something wasn't right at the start.
Don't know if dad is oblivious to what's happening but part of me thinks he knows but has a way of getting around answers or things he should know.
At times he gets a bit worked up if he feels you are trying to catch him out.

thegreatgonzo

CHOPS01 wrote: »

but part of me thinks he knows but has a way of getting around answers or things he should know.

My dad has reduced hearing and looking back I think he used this to cover a lot of confusion. He was definately becoming more withdrawn over the past decade or so, not interested in things, or able to get jokes etc. There was a period I'm not sure when, maybe 4 or 5 years ago when he would say that his memory wasn't what it was so he must have been worrying about it to himself but didn't think there was any use telling the doctor. He's reached the stage now where he thinks he's absolutely fine :rolleyes:

CHOPS01

Bit of an update. Lad here for the last few days fencing so bounds ditches here at home stock proof now so hopefully take away some of the hassle of last year.
Dad still tipping away about his bits and pieces but can see him slipping back all the time. Thankfully his form is good though.

CHOPS01

Well all.
Can I ask any of ye that had similar problem a question.
How did ye manage to get your father off the tractor. Mam was telling me a few stories last night that have me thinking it is time to get Dad off the tractor. That's not going to be easy !
Grand driving but putting on machinery seems to be problem.
Thanks

ganmo

CHOPS01 wrote: »

Well all.
Can I ask any of ye that had similar problem a question.
How did ye manage to get your father off the tractor. Mam was telling me a few stories last night that have me thinking it is time to get Dad off the tractor. That's not going to be easy !
Grand driving but putting on machinery seems to be problem.
Thanks

While not experiencing your situation if I got a new tractor a modern one with buttons and electronics he wouldn't be doin much on it
That or a simpler option of pulling the ignition fuse

CHOPS01

Dad diagnosed with Vascular Dementia about 5 weeks ago.
Major decline over the last 3 to 4 months. Still driving but that will come to an end over the next few weeks just waiting
Tough times ahead

mahoney_j

CHOPS01 wrote: »

Dad diagnosed with Vascular Dementia about 5 weeks ago.
Major decline over the last 3 to 4 months. Still driving but that will come to an end over the next few weeks just waiting
Tough times ahead

Sorry to hear that ,hard to see it in front of your eyes and nothing u can really do .dad here in similar boat ,Alzheimer's ,Parkinson's ,dementia ,stopped driving now and finding it tough to even come out yard now .mother suffering most but she's a typical Irish mother wants to do everything and soldiering on without as much as a whimper .all u can do is be there for them best u can ....

Nekarsulm

It's hard to be patient enough in these circumstances. It's hard to bite your tongue and not loose the rag at times. But it's bloody hard to look back and regret things you said and done when it's too late to rectify.

CHOPS01

Times you want to shout and give out but you just have to remember it's not the man but the illness.
At that awkward stage now of trying to get around him to do things without upsetting him. On to agent during to week to get him have a look at some stock and get em shifted. Dad doesn't know this as the whole 30 month thing is beyond him now. Most of the stock gone over the 30.
But it's not about cattle prices and the like now it's about keeping him safe.
Toughest on Mam. She is the one there 24/7

KatyMac

Look after your Mam as she is having to deal all the time.
I didn't realise just how stressed I was until a meeting with a Psychologist (sorry about spelling), She asked me how I was feeling and I just burst into tears with no warning - surprised the hell out of me as I thought I was coping just fine. I then realise that there was a load between my shoulders that talking to someone helped to lift for a while.
Your mother needs help and not just in the practical things. She needs to get away for a couple of hours. Get someone to 'baby sit' your Dad so she can have the comfort that he is safe while she is not there.